Monday, December 15, 2014
As you know, I'm having a hard time with the news of my uncle. After losing 3 family members earlier this year, this is very disturbing to me that I might lose another. The information I get keeps changing and Saturday my aunt said that when she talked to him that the doctor told him that he does not have the normal, slow moving Prostate cancer. He has this rare form that moves faster and is already at stage 4, but he must be healthy enough now because after they remove the prostate, he is going to undergo radiation and see if that breaks up the cancer. If that shows progress, he will undergo chemo to keep the cancer from spreading. If it doesn't work, he will join his siblings. After watching a whole branch of my family tree fall, I'm still recovering from that and it's like I hear the crack, and I don't want another twig to fall. So I'm praying for a good outcome and I'm so thankful that so many of you have decided to pray as well.
It means so much to me to be able to post here and get support. To talk about a challenge and not have someone foo foo me. For those who don't know what foo foo means, it basically means someone minimizing my feelings/challenges and basically have a stop your whining response. First of all, I'm not whining. I'm expressing myself. Everyone loves me when I'm the usual positive, happy, supportive person, but when I need support? Oh NO! That can't happen and it makes me upset, but not here! You guys share with me your empathy letting me know you know how I feel and pray for my family or send me encouraging quotes. You keep that fight going for me to not drown my emotions in cookies, food, or just lay in bed with no motivation to do anything! I'm so thankful for you guys.
I will be honest. My aunt sent me home with some home made cookies and some turkey. When I'm doing simple work on her computer, I will not accept any money from her especially when she's handing me down clothes and buying Caley and I a present for Christmas so she cooks and bakes for me as a sign of appreciation. I've come to a place in my life where that doesn't bother me anymore because I can practice moderation. Yesterday I saw I lost another 2 lbs! I was so excited! I don't know what I was doing but at some point I was thinking about my uncle and I started thinking about those cookies and I stopped myself. I was like, "You just lost 2 lbs. Do you really want to eat them back?" I responded No to myself and then I reminded myself I'm not alone anymore because I have you guys and whenever I need a helping hand, I just need to come on here and you guys will be there for me. I don't nee to stifle my emotions with food anymore. I'm free and so I turned my energy to working on my house and guess what?! I got a lot accomplished!
I'm facing my fears and overcoming long held demons because I now have a real supportive group of people who even though I've never met are there for me every way possible because they've been in my shoes and want to see me succeed and that makes me so happy you can't imagine. I have tears of gratitude because you guys are saving my life. That's how I really feel because I'm working to be a better person and get healthy and hopefully with my diligence in yearly physicals, etc that maybe I can live a longer and healthier life. I know it's not fool proof because the one uncle I lost was extremely healthy, but I'd rather try than not try. If nothing else, at least I will have the full life my Uncle George lived and I do want to live! I don't want to be limited by this body anymore.
I went to bed sore last night and I savored it because I knew I did a good thing. I will be working her hard again today and stretch in the evening and then bed. So thank you for being there for me because there is so much I want to accomplish in life and thanks to you, I will!