ANGELN325   42,976
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ANGELN325's Recent Blog Entries

A special Thank You to all my Spark Friends!

Monday, December 15, 2014

As you know, I'm having a hard time with the news of my uncle. After losing 3 family members earlier this year, this is very disturbing to me that I might lose another. The information I get keeps changing and Saturday my aunt said that when she talked to him that the doctor told him that he does not have the normal, slow moving Prostate cancer. He has this rare form that moves faster and is already at stage 4, but he must be healthy enough now because after they remove the prostate, he is going to undergo radiation and see if that breaks up the cancer. If that shows progress, he will undergo chemo to keep the cancer from spreading. If it doesn't work, he will join his siblings. After watching a whole branch of my family tree fall, I'm still recovering from that and it's like I hear the crack, and I don't want another twig to fall. So I'm praying for a good outcome and I'm so thankful that so many of you have decided to pray as well.

It means so much to me to be able to post here and get support. To talk about a challenge and not have someone foo foo me. For those who don't know what foo foo means, it basically means someone minimizing my feelings/challenges and basically have a stop your whining response. First of all, I'm not whining. I'm expressing myself. Everyone loves me when I'm the usual positive, happy, supportive person, but when I need support? Oh NO! That can't happen and it makes me upset, but not here! You guys share with me your empathy letting me know you know how I feel and pray for my family or send me encouraging quotes. You keep that fight going for me to not drown my emotions in cookies, food, or just lay in bed with no motivation to do anything! I'm so thankful for you guys.

I will be honest. My aunt sent me home with some home made cookies and some turkey. When I'm doing simple work on her computer, I will not accept any money from her especially when she's handing me down clothes and buying Caley and I a present for Christmas so she cooks and bakes for me as a sign of appreciation. I've come to a place in my life where that doesn't bother me anymore because I can practice moderation. Yesterday I saw I lost another 2 lbs! I was so excited! I don't know what I was doing but at some point I was thinking about my uncle and I started thinking about those cookies and I stopped myself. I was like, "You just lost 2 lbs. Do you really want to eat them back?" I responded No to myself and then I reminded myself I'm not alone anymore because I have you guys and whenever I need a helping hand, I just need to come on here and you guys will be there for me. I don't nee to stifle my emotions with food anymore. I'm free and so I turned my energy to working on my house and guess what?! I got a lot accomplished!

I'm facing my fears and overcoming long held demons because I now have a real supportive group of people who even though I've never met are there for me every way possible because they've been in my shoes and want to see me succeed and that makes me so happy you can't imagine. I have tears of gratitude because you guys are saving my life. That's how I really feel because I'm working to be a better person and get healthy and hopefully with my diligence in yearly physicals, etc that maybe I can live a longer and healthier life. I know it's not fool proof because the one uncle I lost was extremely healthy, but I'd rather try than not try. If nothing else, at least I will have the full life my Uncle George lived and I do want to live! I don't want to be limited by this body anymore.

I went to bed sore last night and I savored it because I knew I did a good thing. I will be working her hard again today and stretch in the evening and then bed. So thank you for being there for me because there is so much I want to accomplish in life and thanks to you, I will!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGELN325 12/19/2014 6:28PM

    Thank you! I responded on your page.

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FMBURSON 12/19/2014 4:24PM

    You know you are on the right track when you can verbalize your feelings and feel safe doing it! After all, who would have known if you ate those cookies! But you stayed strong and shared with all of us what you were feeling and how you handled it. That is not whining, that is being realistic, and knowing you are loved. Keep it up!

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ANGELN325 12/17/2014 6:15AM

    emoticon for commenting on my blog "A special Thank You to all my Spark Friends!" I've responded to each of you personally. So appreciative of my emoticons.

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LIMOM2TWINS 12/16/2014 12:32PM

    emoticon I love how you spoke to yourself and said something like "you just lost 2 lbs - do you want to gain it back on cookies" in which you said "NO" - I need to speak to myself a lot more but also Listen!! because I do not do that & I have gained the 2 lbs emoticon

I hope your uncle is feeling better and that the chemo works - but that goes without saying emoticon!!



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MAPFARMS 12/16/2014 7:25AM

    Prayers for you and your family.
Good for you on the 2 lbs! It is hard at this time of year to lose weight. Stay strong! You are worth it. emoticon

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MOM2ACAT 12/15/2014 7:05PM

    My prayers are with yours, that your uncle will beat this cancer.

I totally understand what you mean by "foo foo" too, I've had to deal with that at times.

Way to go on staying strong and saying "no" to the cookies!

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KOFFEENUT 12/15/2014 5:58PM

    All the things you say your SparkFriends are doing for you, YOU are doing for others, also. It's one of the things I love about this community. We are ALL supportive of each other, understanding we're at different places in our journeys.
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JUNEAU2010 12/15/2014 3:16PM

    emoticon

I can relate to the family tree comments. I am the last of my particular branch, don't have children and now cannot, so...I am the last twig. That has been hard to come to peace with this year. Not there yet...

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HARROWJET 12/15/2014 1:33PM

    Good for you for leaving those cookies on the plate. I know it isn't easy. Congratulations on the 2 lb. loss. emoticon

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CHERYL_ANNE 12/15/2014 12:45PM

    emoticon

I am so proud of your decision to express your emotions instead of stuffing them down inside with food.

This is a huge thing to do... and it takes a lot of effort to do it.

Congratulations on your hard work and determination!

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Whew!

Friday, December 12, 2014

Found out I misunderstood the update on my uncle. I heard my dad talking to my cousin when I came home last night and started grilling him about his baby brother/my uncle. They don't know if the tumor in his back is cancer (how I heard shoulder, I don't know). The tumor in his face which was biopsied is not cancer, but they haven't biopsied the ones in his back yet. They are hopeful that they are not cancerous though because they have not gotten larger. I'm so praying that this is the case because first stage prostate cancer has a 100% survival in 5 years rate and even at the 10 and 15 mark is pretty good, but at 4th stage it goes down to 28%.

So happy today is Friday! I've been so tired lately as I push the envelope to get done as much as I can at night and then wake up at 4A so I can do some more. Will be so nice to sleep for 7 or 8 hours tonight. All depends on what my body will let me do.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGELN325 12/14/2014 7:40AM

    Thank you to everyone who responded. I replied to you all personally. The support I'm receiving for this difficult time is really helpful.

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PEZMOM1 12/13/2014 9:47PM

    emoticon

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SUBMOM2 12/13/2014 1:54PM

    Catch up on your sleep if you can. Continued prayers for your uncle...

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KOFFEENUT 12/12/2014 8:36PM

    Hope this weekend gives you SEVERAL additional nights to catch up on your sleep!
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CHERYL_ANNE 12/12/2014 8:31PM

    Keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers.

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MOM2ACAT 12/12/2014 6:00PM

    Still keeping your uncle in my prayers. emoticon
And prayers that you can get some restful sleep!

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HARROWJET 12/12/2014 4:44PM

    emoticon emoticon

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Rough day, but handling appropriately.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Today has been a hard day. I'm mailing out my Christmas cards and since I lost 3 family members this year, that pain is coming back to sting me. Also I got more information about my uncle who's beginning his fight with cancer. It's already in the advanced stages as it's spread to his shoulder and he may have it on his face. I feel like I've been sucker punched. I lost three family members earlier this year in 3 months and when I first found out about my uncle's start with prostate cancer, I was shocked, but hopeful because I found out that cancer is a slow moving cancer. (I found this out the same day that my last family member died.) So now to hear this latest news, it's just a little overwhelming.

I'm proud of myself because generally something like this would be a run to food to cope with the pain, but I haven't done that. I'm eating the same as I have been. I've allowed my emotions to flow and have been researching online what my uncle's options are so I can maybe have a conversation with him and find out what his doctor is planning to do and let him know what information I've gathered. This is my other uncle that I was close to. He's the baby of my dad's family and so I'm hoping that his odds of survival or living 10 or more years is still good. I'm not ready to lose another family member. I've lost enough already.

For those who pray, if you could send some my way, I'd really appreciate it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGELN325 12/12/2014 4:34PM

    Thank you everybody. I appreciate all the friendship and support from you and definitely the prayers. I responded to each of you personally.

Comment edited on: 12/12/2014 5:04:19 PM

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JUNEAU2010 12/12/2014 3:06PM

    Prayers freely given. I am about to send out cards and there will be one less. Every year, there are less to send. I was looking for a phone # in my new cellphone and ran across my beloved "mom's" number. Can't call her but I can't delete the number either. My dad died 02/13/2005 and I still haven't deleted his number. I have tears in my eyes - I so identify with your sense of loss.

Kudos for recognizing and handling this grief appropriately! You're ahead of me in that regard!

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HARROWJET 12/12/2014 9:16AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon praying

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CHERYL_ANNE 12/11/2014 5:30PM

    Your family is in my thoughts and prayers!

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MOM2ACAT 12/11/2014 4:18PM

    emoticon I am so sorry. I'm glad to hear though that you are coping with it as well as you are. Prayers going up for your uncle for recovery and healing.

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SUBMOM2 12/11/2014 4:16PM

    I will pray for you and your family.

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I think this lunch box will do nicely!

Monday, December 08, 2014

Had plenty of room in my new lunch box! Was able to pack some broccoli to go with my lunch, an apple, and some canned pears. Loving this!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGELN325 12/12/2014 4:33PM

    Thank you everybody! You are the best. I responded to each of you.

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JUNEAU2010 12/9/2014 8:22PM

    emoticon

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MOM2ACAT 12/9/2014 4:25PM

    emoticon

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HARROWJET 12/9/2014 12:46PM

    emoticon

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KOFFEENUT 12/9/2014 10:20AM

    emoticon emoticon

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PEZMOM1 12/9/2014 7:52AM

    emoticon

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SUBMOM2 12/8/2014 11:37PM

    It's funny how something so simple can be sooo exciting. Good for you!! You deserve a great lunch!!

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IMPERIODEE 12/8/2014 6:38PM

  enjoy your healthy meals! keep the spark!

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LIMOM2TWINS 12/8/2014 6:22PM

    emoticon also sounds yummy!!!

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I'm holding my ground.

Sunday, December 07, 2014

After reaching a new high and then bringing it down a bit, I'm holding my ground. This is actually progress for me. The holidays is generally when I gain at least 10 lbs. With me gaining before Thanksgiving even showed up, I knew I couldn't continue on this path which helped me lose all my excuses of why I can approach the holidays with reckless abandon. This is actually a great time to learn some new lessons. My lunch cooler was falling apart so I got myself an early Christmas present, a new lunch cooler! It's bigger than my last one which is extremely important if I want to reach my goal of eating at least one serving of veggies and 2 servings of fruit at work. My old cooler did not allow the space to meet that goal so that meant I was packing thinner and not so healthy goodies in there. This one will allow me to pack a healthy lunch with veggies and then fruit and veggies for snacks. I can't wait to try it out this week and see how it helps me with reaching my goals.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGELN325 12/9/2014 5:54PM

    You guys are all so awesome and wonderful. I appreciate the support and have responded to each of you personally.

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MAPFARMS 12/8/2014 7:28AM

    Good for you! Keep up the good work.

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JUNEAU2010 12/7/2014 8:44PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HEYSHAKER 12/7/2014 8:26PM

    Not gaining during the holidays is definitely a win!! Good job!

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SUBMOM2 12/7/2014 4:50PM

    Getting yourself a new cooler is a great idea. It's great when you can identify the problem and come up with a solution!

emoticon emoticon

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HARROWJET 12/7/2014 4:33PM

    I have problems (too many sweets) at this time of year too. You are planning to do better by planning healthier lunches. emoticon We both can make this the year when we don't gain in December. I believe that not gaining IS success at this time of year. Then when January comes we won't have to get rid of re-gained pounds before we start on fresh ones. emoticon emoticon

Judy emoticon

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ROBBIEY 12/7/2014 4:04PM

  emoticon emoticon

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MOM2ACAT 12/7/2014 3:52PM

    That is a great! And congrats on the new cooler!

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KALANTHA 12/7/2014 3:50PM

    "Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut, that held its ground." (David Icke)

Congratulations on holding yours and enjoy your new cooler!

Great days are coming for you! emoticon

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KOFFEENUT 12/7/2014 3:37PM

    Good for you for being thoughtful and intentional in setting yourself up for success!
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