Monday, April 07, 2014
My aunt, Adra Dawn Rix Thurman, left this world yesterday afternoon after 45 minutes in the ER. She was a warrior who fought uterine and ovarian cancer for YEARS.
A month ago, she kept asking my mother when she was coming to visit her for a couple of weeks. We now know that she was waiting for her 2 final wishes to come true. The first was to have her 2 estranged children stand in a room with her and not fight with each other This happened the first weekend my mother was there. The other wish was to have quality time with my mother, her best friend and younger sister, and enjoy the time they had. They visited antique shops to look around, went to see some of the gardens in the local area, and just be with each other.
On the morning that my parents were due to leave to visit yet another uncle in the area, my aunt took a turn for the worse. She bloated up, had severe abdominal pain, mom said it even hurt her to burp. She was also running a fever. So my parents rescheduled their departure so mom could be there when hospice came in. She was immediately rushed to the ER & 45 minutes later she was gone. It was so fast no one even knows the cause of death.
Thankfully, my mother & aunt have been going through her personal effects to decide who the items would go to and had prearranged her own memorial.
In her last 3 weeks of life, she smiled and laughed and even left her walker in the car when my father took them out places. Mom said it was the calm before the storm and she knew it was coming. My aunt kept asking when she would come, as we all believe she wanted her favorite person with her when she left us.
I am so very sad for my mother, but very proud of her strength. The funeral is set for Thursday and then my family will come home to me on Saturday. There will be no more trips to Louisiana. They will drive straight through it to go to TX to see my dad's brother and my Crazy Aunt Kathy, whom I just adore.
I have prayed more this week than I have in years. When daddy called me crying & told me it was "that time" and they were at the ER and were told she might have a ruptured bowel, I hung up and prayed that the pain would end for her & that she would pass quickly and painlessly with my mother holding her hand. My uncle arrived an hour later to pick up the "funeral clothes" as he left last night with my other aunt & uncle to arrive today. When he came in, he hugged me and told me she had passed. It was less than an hour that I spoke to my father. So I would like to believe that God listened to me begging for peace and took her when I asked for his mercy.
I am still crying and will for some time, but I know she is now with the man she truly loved, but wasn't allowed to marry. I know that my grandmother is probably holding her & griping at her at the same time, and I know my aunt is giving her father a piece of her mind. ;-)
I had entertained the idea of changing my legal name to Angela Adra Dawn Ritter to always memorialize her. Then just two days ago I realized I was already halfway there. My initials are ADR... I just needed the final A. I told my aunt I could be Angela Dawn Ritter the Asshat, but a better suggestion came from a friend... Angela Dawn Ritter, the Angel. Making my initials ADRA. So I will carry that with me forever.
I'm trying to be strong but each time I feel like I can get back on track, I get hit with another punch to the gut. Even though I know she's in a better place now, as cliche as it sounds, it's the truth.
But I needed to get this written down & put out into the universe so she would know how much I love her and what a wonderful sister she was to my mother. Now I need to remember to pray for my living family every day to keep them healthy and with me on this Earth, until God calls for them. I just hope they aren't tortured with cancer as my loving aunt.
Peace, Love, and Prayers for my SparkFamily, and relatives,
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Well. I have lived through the month of March and things haven't changed much. Shingles spread to my other ear, of course. So the second one is working its way out of me. I've been taking meds every day for the Bell's Palsy... its getting better, but I can't believe the pain that I still feel when I touch my face. It's ridiculous.
I have a follow up on 4/2 and a mammogram (BLAH!) so I will ask him how long the pain in the cheekbone and cheek flesh and chin and temple area is expected to last since I am now off the meds I was provided. I might have to hit the meds again. More blah!
I am still talking to Nebraska Man. He's pretty great, but who knows who anyone is over the Internet anymore. It's a shady place, and I haven't even been on Facebook to connect with my family much either. I've been taking this quiet time to finish some projects around the house. All of my bi-fold, louvered doors are now covered in fabric and look great. Less cleaning for me to do!! YAY!! Ooh! I found pictures of them but this stupid computer will not upload them. Grrrr!
I cleaned the oven yesterday and today. I took the first layer off and then let the Easy Off sit all night and really put my head in an oven this morning... but not in a suicidal way. LOL
Monday and Tuesday I helped my friend Karrie get her house buttoned up and moved. We drove around and dropped off her Xfnity box and junk like that. We had dinner that night and I paid as it was a celebration of them leaving... and little Evan was there to tell us when it was time to go! Tuesday I got stuck carrying the couches out to my trailer with Kevin as they forgot to call someone else to help. So I was in my therapy boot moving a sectional couch that I bought from them. (My living room will be the laziest place to hang out in all the land!!)
I've ridden my bike a few times for minutes or so. I've upped my speed to 20+mph, but I can't do it every day. My ankle already hates me and still has not healed all the way. The side of my foot is entirely bruised, but I have been wearing that boot (unless I'm just schlepping around the house). It kills me to walk because it puts my hips so uneven, but I have finally found one of my boots that is a perfect height... it's just not BOOT WEATHER here anymore. Well, we have a few days like yesterday where I could wear a knee-high boot with my therapy boot to Wal-Mart. But then it kills my hip again.
Its a vicious circle and I am seriously exhausted every day. I even tried dark roast, fully caffeinated coffee today... and fell asleep 30 minutes later. That's when I forced myself to stick my head in the oven and get it CLEAN!!!
No pictures to share at this time... but I may soon. Oh, and I just keep losing and gaining the same 5-8 pounds over and over. I have GOT to get back to walking again... without that boot, so I have ordered a hard plastic sock-like cast and it should be here Monday. I'll just be careful until then or wear my Harley riding boots. They are heavy, but they are ankle-stabilizers, for sure!
Peace, Love and Thanks for the Positive Vibes... I feel them!
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
I am sorry that I have fallen down on the job with the challenges, but I do have a good reason. There are some health issues I am now dealing with that if I had not had the 2 surgeries, I would have never known about. It involves my heart and my thyroid... and it's a convoluted mess.
On a funny note, I did leave the house today to go to Lowe's to pick up No Trespassing signs and KEEP OUT/PRIVATE PROPERTY signs and BEWARE OF DOGS signs. Why? Dinah, my old shoplifting roommate, is getting out of prison in 2 days and I don't want her tripping her felonious arse onto my property.
My parents are not in town. They are with my aunt in Louisiana and mom reports in to me every day and tells me that she is very tired, refuses to take the extra morphine because she wants to be with my mother as much as she can, but its not long before the end will be here. We also just lost my father's cousin, Danny, to lung cancer and he never smoked a cigarette in his life. He had just finished building his 1.5MM house on an island near the Outer Banks. So our family situation is no better than my health. I'm scared for me and for everyone else. I know you are all here for support, but not having power to my laptop sux because doing SP on a tablet or my phone is just too time consuming.
But I am alive and I should be happy about that. I have met some really nice people in a support group I joined and one guy and I just clicked and we've talked every day. He's helpful in cheering me up, but I think that's just because I am lonely for male companionship. I want to be strong and be the warrior I think I am, but I just keep hitting that brick wall... over and over. I hope to be back in action by next week, but even my ankle hasn't healed properly. So much arthritis was removed that I now have pockets of fluid and they are absolutely painful.
But I promise to recommit. I really do. I have cleaned all the ice cream out of the house and there is only one cordial cherry left here. I went on a total crunchy peanut butter binge... and that was sad and I felt pathetic. So pray that I find my inner strength again. I really need those prayers.
Big hugs to you all and I hope and pray that I can be more active on here very soon. Best wishes to you all. Oh, and pray this fat falls off my arse before there isn't any way for me to go back! LOL
Peace and Love,
Thursday, March 06, 2014
Dang! I lost 3 pounds and got into the almonds and gained them back. Poop. But I'm not sweating it because I did eat a whole bag of Honey Roasted Cashew Halves and that was like 9 MILLION calories and I am maintaining. Not that I am making a practice of this, nor do I plan to, but even after the ablation I am still having normal PMS symptoms. LOL Guess I can't get away from them. LOL
I didn't work out today because the past 2 days were causing me a little pain in my chest when I was riding the bike. Nothing in my body felt right, so today was the day to chill out.
I shaved Jacko and he's not talking to me right now, but he does look like he's lost at least 5 pounds. I'm not trying to shave him down, but keeping him groomed is essential, and then there is the fact that he is severely overweight and it's easier to keep an eye on him with his hair a little shorter. And he's overweight because he's my kid. HAHA
Did I tell you guys that my mother was referred to as my sister the other day when we were checking out of Dollar General? Oh yes. 3 days after her 64th birthday and the clerk says "Are y'all sisters?" I wanted to laugh but I groaned and told her that she was my mother. My mom was just beaming and glowing and looking like she wasn't sure is she should laugh or pee herself in public. It's a huge compliment though because mom only looks 45. No way she looks 64.
Anyway, I have more blood work for the thyroid follow-up tomorrow to see if the Synthroid is working. I hope it is because I do feel a bit better... except for the Bell's Palsy, which is still painful, and Das Boot wrecking my hip and back. And then I have follow up with one doctor. I am also making inquiries into getting my droopy eyelid fixed because its getting harder and harder to see out of that eye. And the shingles are confined to my ear, which is good for now. I'm glad it didn't spread, but I have done everything I can to avoid touching my ear except to clean it. LOL
I've been talking to this guy for a few weeks online. He's cute and quite interesting. And today, he noticed that we were born on the same day - 8 years apart. He lives on a farm, and I grew up on one. We actually have a lot in common, especially our skewed sense of humor, and he's just a nice guy. But he live in Nebraska! UGH!! LOL He's an engineer and I find myself comparing him to Alaska Man. Same build, same deep voice, but this guy can sing, act, do accents and all kinds of cool stuff. He's the talented Aquarius, whereas I am the lost and wandering Aquarius. LOL. So I'm happy to know that at different time of the day when he thinks of me, he sends me a text that just says "kisses", and he thinks my body looks fantastic... fat roll and all. And he's no slouch and I'm sure he has other women in his life but it's just nice to know that there is someone that can fill in the space where Alaska Man used to be. It means a lot just to know that someone thinks of me often. Here's what he looks like and I will call him Nebraska Man. LOL!! Sounds so much like Alaska Man, though. HAHA
Anyway, he gives me something to think about and one day maybe we will meet and see what happens, but I think he will be a friend for a long time to come.
I hope you are all getting tucked in tight this evening, doing what you can to stay warm, and hugging your favorite furperson - even if it is your hubby. LOL
Peace, Love, and Meeting Kindred Spirits,
Sunday, March 02, 2014
Well, I can assure you that dragging around this medieveal torture device... Das Boot... is evidently a workout. I am just afraid that now I will have one butt cheek exercised more than the other! HAHA
And the reason I am not on cloud 9 is because this boot is so heavy, I would have fallen through even cloud 1. LOL
The weather is getting a little nicer but still a bit chilly. I am thinking positive thoughts on a daily basis and trying to see things in a pretty light. I am trying to embrace the good and not even look at the ugly right now. Especially my ear, which is where my Shingles has decided to live.
And my friend and I are okay. I had to tell her what the issue was because I really can't stand us not being cool with each other, and she did say she was being overly negative but she just cant understand how there is always something wrong with me. Gee, me neither. It's like I begged and pleased for a Shingles outbreak and for my face to not fully respond when I smile. Yep those are the things I WANT to happen. If I were to ask for a medical issue, it would be that my boobs became inflamed and were 2 sizes larger and super full and perky. Know what I mean? So we laughed about that. It was even better because my mom was there and we both got to see my little boyfriend, her son Evan. He's just turned 6 months, he's wearing his head-shaping helmet and his head is very round now and I swear I have never seen a baby smile so much. But he loves me, so of course he would smile... and drool a lot. All men drool around me... yep, that part WAS a lie!! LOL
So I am trying to put a positive spin on life right now, and boy am I looking forward to my March Madness!!! I even bought 2 sundresses yesterday to wear while no one is here. LOL My fat roll has GOT TO GO!!!! It messes up every cute outfit I have! And I bought a waist cincher late last night to smush it in line a little bit. LOL
And to top it all off, my escapade of shopping at Dollar General yesterday helped me lose 1.5 pounds. I weighed in at 230.6 this morning!!! YAAAAAY FREAKING YAAAAY!!! 7 more pounds to go to be back where I was, but I am celebrating every drop of fat that finds it's way out of my body.
Hmmmm.... maybe I should name every pound I lose! HAHA
Big hugs and Epic Smiles,
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