ANNIEONLI   47,457
SparkPoints
40,000-49,999 SparkPoints
 
 
ANNIEONLI's Recent Blog Entries

Moving on

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Yesterday was an emotional day for me....because after a year and a half of closing the office I ran for my father... the office was dismantled for reconfiguration and change.

And change is good.....but at the same time, when I was cleaning up the things that have basically sat for a year, as if time stood still, I found things that brought back memories from my life 2 years ago...and it made me cry.

My dad found me in the bathroom crying...and patted me on the back. My brother did the same. Outside the bathroom I heard my dad say "She put her heart and soul into this place."

And I did.

And that is also probably why both my father and I let it sit for a year...because he did too.

After that little set back of emotions, we all got back to work...I cleaned out more things than I thought I was there for...and there was significant progress towards new and positive change.

"Significant progress towards new and positive change" - that's a good one that just came out. The place is still a shambles, it will be more dirty and busted up in the near future.....and yet, it is still positive because of the long term goal. It's a hot mess but a work in progress.

I will have to remember that one.


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DALID414 10/19/2014 2:21PM

    That is a good one!
emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KANOE10 10/19/2014 7:45AM

    Thatust have brought back so any good memories of working there. Change can be painful. However, like you say. It is a work in progress to a long te goal. I am sending you a wa hug.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PICKIE98 10/19/2014 7:20AM

    I know the feeling. I had to clean out my aunt and uncle's home after they died a week apart. These people were like my parents. I lived with them more than my family. I think my tears were used to scrub the kitchen floor. Loss and change are devastating on different levels. Nothing to be explained or ashamed of.. A big hug going to you.
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Sensitivity/New & Good news

Saturday, October 04, 2014

I am truly amazed at how sensitive I am, depending on how I care for myself...how one little comment can send me into a spiral of negative self-talk and self-abuse.

This week...was a really good week. Life affirming even.

So why is that one stupid comment from one stupid person can make that all come crashing down?

Why is it that I have to pick up every single piece off the ground again even after such an awesome week?

I know why....so I will tell you: It all goes back to when I was a kid and being teased and feeling left out. Instead of building a tough skin, the words cut and wound. It's just the way I am made.

You'd think after so many years, I would be used to it....and I am getting better, trust me, I am...but it's when you are trying your hardest, and feeling on top the day before, then lack of sleep and poor eating gets in the way the very next day and then someone comes and makes a stupid comment... that is when it hurts.

I won't try and change myself for anyone anymore. This is me, and this is part of who I am...and I HAVE TO accept that I will get burned as before. How I react to it is what I have to work on. How I take care of myself is a big part of my resilience and ability to brush things off now. I have to be more mindful of that.

My self-care is what gives me balance. Some may call it selfish...I call it self-preservation.

My self-care is eating well...and sleeping well.

My self-care is following my gut and intuition....it has rarely let me down.

My self-care is realizing that everyday, not everyone is going to be happy with my ways, but that is there problem....not mine. That one is my work in progress. At least I don't turn to food anymore to "fix it" and make myself feel better. Score one point for me! YAY!

OK...now that I let that one out...on to some new and good news:

emoticon I took my last test to become a certified health coach!!! I passed and am now working on a logo and FB website. I will get you guys a link soon!
emoticon Branching out is scary, but timing is everything (I truly believe that) and I think it's time to get this moving....for real.
emoticon FOR MAINTENANCE!!!!!! That one snuck on me...yup, it truly did.

oh, and one last thing I learned:

emoticon My hugs are magic. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KANOE10 10/5/2014 9:08AM

    How exciting that you passed your test and are now a certified health coach! Way to go my friend. Your hugs are magic and I am sending you one for entering a new career.

Yes, the negative comments still hurt, but you have made such progress by not turning to food anymore and by taking care of yourself. It is their problem, not yours.

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DWEXCEL 10/4/2014 8:09AM

    I hear you with your first topic. No matter what, it does still hurt. And you are so right, it's how we react to those comments that change us and make us stronger! Good for you for recognizing that, and knowing what you need to do. It does not make you selfish--it makes you a stronger and better you!!!!

And Super-Congrats on topic #2!!!!! I am so proud of you. This has been something you have been wanting and working on for a long time. It is something that you will be amazing at!!!!!!

Love you!
Donna emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BEATLETOT 10/4/2014 8:00AM

    How very cool that you'll be launching a business! You are so awesome!

I love magic hugs!

Report Inappropriate Comment


My Weight loss brain vs. my Mx brain

Saturday, September 13, 2014

There are 2 distinct brains that are going on here: the weight loss brain and the Maintenance (Mx) brain (forgive the shorthand, but I use it constantly at work - might as well introduce it here to everyone since writing it out is a pain in the butt sometimes.)

I am currently trying to get back into my Mx range of 130-135 but something dawned on me that I was in the wrong mindset in trying to get back there - weighing every day and expecting to see that change is a Mx mindset linked with a Weight loss mindset and those 2 together....well, it just equals frustration!

So I am now in the process of breaking that jumbled mindset and rethinking the whole thing (once again bc it's been a while since I had to think like this): back to the weekly weigh-in I go (thanks to a challenge I joined, this actually is helping me realize the snafu) and back to the mentality of weightloss: that things take TIME and PATIENCE and PERSISTENCE and say out loud that yes, even people who are good at Maintaining need to switch it up once in a while and get back in the saddle because let's face it....sometimes, it is not water weight you are holding on to. emoticon

My Mx brain is set on these things that I know for a fact: my body has at a sweet spot and I can pretty much eat whatever in moderation and not gain anything major when I am "active" (in quotes because it means that I am not just sitting on my arse, but it doesn't mean I am exercising a lot either)

My Weightloss brain is this: track stuff, get moving again, weigh once a week...basically: make better/healthier choices over all and know that things are slow and weekly loss is what we are going for.

So that is where I am now....to focus on 10 minutes of exercise a day, to make good choices, and to abstain (for a little while) from my uber-loves that brought back on those pounds (wine and eating out a lot this summer did me in) and if I do need to visit those uber-loves - track them in my tracker to be accountable instead of ignoring them.

I can honestly say, that it has been so-far-so-good the last 2 weeks...but writing it out helps me out...and maybe it can help somebody else out too!

On to week #3!!!!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon
emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KANOE10 9/14/2014 9:54AM

    Even while we are maintaining, we enter the up pound times when we need to re-boot our habits and our thinking back into weight loss mode. You explained the mindsets well. As someone commented..weight fluctuation does mean up and down..when you enter constantly up,days, you know you need to act.

"So that is where I am now....to focus on 10 minutes of exercise a day, to make good choices, and to abstain (for a little while) from my uber-loves that brought back on those pounds (wine and eating out a lot this summer did me in) and if I do need to visit those uber-loves - track them in my tracker to be accountable instead of ignoring them. " These are great steps for staying on track and losing. I have to abstain also during my re-boot periods.

Congratulations on the two successful weeks and also on acting to get back on track. emoticon



Report Inappropriate Comment
DALID414 9/13/2014 9:36PM

    Yup, right there with you.
I joined the challenge and purposely chose a lower center weight emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
4A-HEALTHY-BMI 9/13/2014 12:34PM

    Yep loss and maintenance are definitely two different modes.

There's even scientific evidence to back it up!

http://www.sparkpeople.c
om/mypage_public_journal_indivi
dual.asp?blog_id=4357759

I admit even knowing that doesn't stop me from falling into the trap anyway, sometimes. For me I think it's partly because maintenance mode is more comfortable.
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JOHNMARTINMILES 9/13/2014 9:32AM

    Great analogy

Make Today the Greatest Day of Your Life

emoticon Until Tomorrow!


Report Inappropriate Comment


Twitch begone!

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Would you believe it that the twitch I wrote about a few days back is on its way out? Noticeably changed....almost nonexistent!
emoticon

So what was the change?
emoticon a vitamin a day - I actually felt in my gut that I was lacking something and that vitamins was it, especially since I have been off with my eating lately. It seems I was right! Immediately notices a change. Coincidence? I think not!

emoticon hydration - making sure I really got it in, especially since I was taking the vitamin a day - no need to keep anything that is not needed in the body...flush it out I say!

emoticon 10 minutes of gentle exercise a day - started with yoga for the stress - adding a little variety now...the kids love doing it too :)

emoticon Better eating and tracking it again, to see how things were faring up there. I'm still right on point when I want to be. :)

emoticon Sleep - go to bed right away when tired instead of forcing myself to stay awake for whatever stupid reason

emoticon Leaving work....at work! well, not tonight for a little bit, but mostly, leave it there and when there...relax and go with the flow. I have a very hyper active coworker I really respect and like .... I actually get more calm around his high energy. Strange, but true.

emoticon Change up the wardrobe! Shopped in my closet today, made me feel....good!! That really probably has nothing to do with the twitch. emoticon

It's nice to feel more "normal" again....maybe it was also weird energy, because another friend of mine was saying she was "off" as well....and she is really into that aura and earth energy stuff.

Going to keep up the tracking and vitamin a little longer - cut back to every other day, like I normally would if I was actually consistent with the giant horse pills! LoL

Looking forward to the long weekend....should be relaxing. That's what I am planning to do: relax!!!
emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEINGERIN 8/29/2014 12:15PM

    Excellent strategies! Sounds like a recipe for a great weekend. Enjoy!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BONOLICIOUS2 8/29/2014 8:05AM

    Ugh I've had a reoccurring twitch too! To the point I was having a hard time seeing! Aren't they SO annoying?! Stress, lack of sleep, hydration, and vitamins - you nailed exactly what they say will fix it! Hopefully it has been banished for a long time! Enjoy your weekend!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KANOE10 8/29/2014 7:59AM

    I am glad to hear that you are feeling better and that twitch is gone! Eating well, hydrating, taking vitamins, and getting rest are so helpful. I am a yoga fan as well and think that even 10 minutes helps your body and your mind.

Well done ..good job of taking care of yourself!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DALID414 8/28/2014 11:21PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


The twitch

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

The twitch started last Thursday. It's a neck thing, that is the only way I can describe it, and it does catch me off guard at times, but I am pretty sure it is stress related.....and I am monitoring it, so no...I have not gone to a doctor yet.... but don't worry, I will if it continues... but first....

First I have to analyze what is going on in my world, because usually, stress gives me a pain in the neck with stiff muscles...and this is in the same area, so that's why I am not freaking out just yet.

OK ---- let the analysis begin!

work: stressful - the last 3 weeks, most def. Can't get in to details, but there it is.

Family: stressful - why? because summer is basically over and I feel like I didn't have one. Booohooo...poor me, right? Nah, not with all that "me time" in July, but I do feel like I missed out on being with the kids this time around. There is more this category, but the aforementioned is the most on my mind

School year: stress - it's coming on fast! just thinking about the morning routine is stressing me out a bit....I don't have everything ready for them to go back. One weeknight out at Staples will fix that, but still.... The lunches, the arguments over what to give them for that and breakfast, and outfits... yay. And the bus schedule... yay. Add that on top of the mom-not-being-there guilt and that equals more stress! yay

Labor day party/birthday party for my son: stress - I don't want to have a big thing. I just don't. So I am not. My sis just had one, and I am just not up for it. I was barely sociable at hers - bad mood central (which I apologized to her for, and she understands - we get each other) - so why am I going to do something I don't want to? The answer is this: I am not - I raise the white flag.

Eating: horrific - high salt content, alcohol, no freggies in a while - lacking in nutrition overall (well yesterday and today are better and tracked - a fresh start)

Exercise: nonexistent (well, it was up until last night - and now again tonight - using the Sparkguy's 10 minute exercise challenge as my Spark to get moving this week)

Weight: for me: scary! I just broke 140 for the first time in a very very long time on the scale yesterday (thanks to the weekends salt and beer intake for sure - it was fun while it lasted) and today, I was down 3 pounds - go figure) but I think I am stressing over this subconsciously.... I need to cut myself some slack while I am reigning it in for the bazillionth time. Which is what I am doing, as usual when I get out of my range, but why am I stressing? Because I am.....because I have a health coaching client....and that makes me want to be a good inspiration and lead by example.

The last 3 - I have the power to control, so I am going to. I have done it before. I am thinking that the neck twitch is also nutrient based since I have been eating so poorly. I even took a multivitamin, 2 days in a row, just to see if I felt better - and yes....I feel better already. Something to my theory.

Now work stress will take time to regulate, but it's doable....this too shall pass. I am still getting used to the place it seems...the different people/personalities....etc etc

Family stress - again....this too shall pass, it's part of the cycle of life of being a mom and working. Going to go camping in the next few months - that helps to have something to look forward to :)

The twitch - my gut is telling me that this too shall pass now that I am more aware of things. Sitting here, quiet, writing - nothing. Last night with yoga poses - nothing. Dozing off & sleep - nothing. High stress work - zap! Twitch out of the blue!

Biofeedback is key when you come across something new....My Nana was a big believer in that. You need to learn to listen.

So I am listening.

And now....I am going to do my 10 minutes of exercise
emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NUOVAELLE 8/28/2014 2:27AM

    I can relate. With everything apart from the job stress which for me is unemployment stress, which is also stressful enough. And I have no magic wand to help the stress sources disappear and make everything perfect. But I know this, Annie. Stress never helped anyone, through anything in any way. And even though I repeat it to myself day in and day out, I still don't seem to get it. But I know it's true so I thought I'd repeat it to a friend who's in the same boat. So, let's both keep it in mind along with the "This, too, shall pass" line from your blog.
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DALID414 8/26/2014 11:02PM

    My nephew just started Kindergarden and just the shopping for supplies took over 4 hours! I can't imagine it gets any easier.

Report Inappropriate Comment
UMBILICAL 8/26/2014 7:30PM

  Had it.

Report Inappropriate Comment
GEORGE815 8/26/2014 7:29PM

    You have a lot on your plate.

Report Inappropriate Comment


1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 Last Page