ANNIEONLI   49,109
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The white flag

Saturday, November 15, 2014

I joke about raising a little white flag of surrender when things get too crazy, busy, chaotic.

I even do a little motion with my hands and my fingers raise a teeny tiny imaginary rope to raise the teeny tiny white flag up a teeny tiny flag pole.

Go ahead and admit it - I know if you are reading this you just tried it yourself. emoticon

But that is what I do and I say to people when they seem as stressed out as me... my girlfriend did it the other day - she has her own business and has 4 active kids, she was stretched too far, and the next time I saw her, she told me she raised her white flag! LoL

I think everyone has those times when things just build up, get too crazy and stressful and it projects into otherwise calm or fun things. That is not so good. The older I get, the less I have tolerance for this because I am coming to realize that I just can't anymore.

I just can't have the negative drama of people I don't want to be around...there was a time when I "HAD to" because of a volunteer organization... and since both hubby and I have left as leaders, it's been better. We are still in contact with the stressful being that exists there (there is always one pot stirrer in every group, right?) but it's so far removed, we can tolerate the stupidity better.

Every day, my husband and I plan who is going to be where that day and the next. We consult the fliers and the calendars to see if we miss anything. We coordinate with the kids, and we get people to help if we need it (here is the example of raising the white flag to get stuff done).

Recently....I looked at all of the leaves and I said "Enough" Last year the hubby raked over 50 bags - yes FIFTY bags! of leaves....and that is not fun, and that is a chore, and we are too busy to put 2 whole days aside to do that and not have any fun with people we actually would WANT to see.... so I raised the white flag!! I called our go-to lawn guy I have known for years! He will love the extra money for the holidays! and it will take him an afternoon with a crew instead of us killing ourselves over 2 to 3 days! DONE!

Another flag raised was for a snow blower!!! We have shoveled and broken our backs for the last 8 years... ENOUGH! We got a check from the state as a refund...well it paid for half of our new snowblower!! I have to go pick it up today! emoticon

Raising the Little White Flag has gone off in my head for myself this past week.... I feel like crap because I have been eating like crap on the weekends. No joke, every weekend for as long as I can remember has been a mess! Candy/sugar, coffee, alcohol, beef, cheese = a combo for grossness. I have raised the white flag on these items. Thank goodness the Halloween candy is gone! And I didn't even eat a whole lot of it! Time to start limiting the intake, that's all. After a long day at work, I texted my hubby "I need a salad" and WHALLAH! There it was when I walked in the door! LoL I have cut back on coffee in the morning as well....at least I am making a conscious effort to not make the second cup.

This weekend has nothing on the calendar, except to touch base with my family and pick up a snowblower. I will gladly take a weekend like that.


More fun....less stress.. that is the main goal I think emoticon

I hope if you read this, you get something out of my White Flag practice...and try it for yourself if you haven't done it before! The actual act of raising the imaginary white flag is therapeutic as well! LoL


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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DALID414 11/15/2014 8:06PM

    I have a lazy white flag, on a stick. I just wave it back and forth a few times and throw it on the floor. emoticon

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ADARKARA 11/15/2014 4:24PM

    So glad you made those positive decisions to get stuff done! emoticon

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KANOE10 11/15/2014 9:02AM

    Each time you raised the white flag, you acted in a positive manner to improve a situation. That is a good visual tool to say to yourself, "enough is enough. Things are not going well here. I need to do something to change it."
I like that . I am raising the white flag today and like you want to eat more healthfully and lose a few up pounds before Thanksgiving.

That was an insightful blog!

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Once upon a blog...

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

I wrote one last Saturday....then I deleted it.

I wrote another the week before that....and then I deleted it.

I start to wonder why at this point....the whole deleting thing.

The writing thing has a lot to do with change, unsticking oneself so as to see another angle after the words are out there and on the "page"...but my angle has really changed in the last few months for some reason or another.

I find myself in that typical 9 to 5 job...with the myriad of workplace stresses and hassles that everyone has. The story is an ancient one. Throw the mom-guilt on it and living for the weekend and there we have it. But it's not really that way, because I like what I do...but in some ways...it is.

I am really thinking more of the whole fit-everything-in part of life that we, as a family, are going through now. Hubby and I became those ships passing in the night....so I said it, and we went out on a date on Saturday. He heard me...and THAT is a big thing.

The kids....they are great! They said to go out for the hour on our date. They have been staying home more and more alone now, here and there when it's needed and they are older - it's a rite of passage....and as a family, we are doing pretty good at it. Heck, they even went to bed with no one in the house: hubby left them after the quick kiss goodnight, I came home 20 minutes later and there they were...8:25 sound asleep. What kids do that?!?!?! Well...mine do...and I am blessed!

The reconnecting with the family is the hardest part of life right now. That's the focus it seems. Be in the present and not somewhere else. It's hard. Hard to turn off the internet and devices. Hard to say no, I am done working for today. Hard to not feel the mom-guilt when I went on the treadmill on Saturday.

Now that last one - the treadmill one - that one is something that I will have to get over sooner than later. The exercise part helps with the stress parts of life. That makes me a better mom.. so that mom stress-guilt...you can go to hell.

So why aren't I on the treadmill right now when faced with stress from the day that I know will drip into tomorrow? Because blogging helps too and it's 11:30pm....I am in my pjs.

Ahhhh....the good old excuse train coming right at ya! LOL

But lack of sleep (due to stress) is keeping me from resting my brain because then I will think about all of the stress-related scenarios which most likely will not come to anything, just like the last time I stressed out about this, but let's face it we all like to be liked and the part of the stress is that and making sure that I am pleasing everyone I have to, even though I wind up not pleasing myself at all, because god-forbid I be happy because another person is unhappy with the actions that they brought upon themselves and I happen to be the one who finally says something but god-forbid it gets taken the right way and not out of context because writing is crappy and people always skew things the way they want to see it without getting all of the facts in order in the first place.

Whew emoticon emoticon

That was a run-on sentence like no other.

But it happens all the time.

And so then...I stop writing... and talking... and I. shut. up.

I am seen and not heard.

Just like I was before I blogged.

And that isn't where I want to go back to, now, is it.

So what is the solution: add more moments; add more hugs; add more focus on the minutes of interaction with each person I love and MEAN it...instead of just doing the "yeah, I will get to it" or "yes dear, that's nice". Treat the day like it is...more.

More than just the 9-5. More than just the "hurry up and get ready so I don't get to see you" part of the day. More than just the extracurriculars that keep us going on the hamster wheel of life.

Add more thoughts vocalized to say "you are awesome at what you do"... and to say thank you and please.... and to ask for help instead of taking the world onto your shoulders.

Add more emoticon to the negative and emoticon to the positive.

For me getting the positive usually means looking forward to something FUN...but right now, the something is hard to find depending on the week. This week is Halloween - something going on every day of the weekend. Fun stuff too. Same for the following weekend....and the next. Getting to some things will be hard though...and that kills the fun a little bit because it's just more running around to accommodate. Yeah, fun stuff. Good times.

Don't even get me going about holidays... positive: the kids put requests in for their cookies...the ones THEY like. For that, I love them dearly...that took away some stress already! LOL

I am starting to ramble, but you get my drift.

Anyway...that's about it...I think I might actually go to bed now that it's out.

Thanks emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DALID414 10/29/2014 10:04PM

    emoticon

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SASSYSACY 10/29/2014 3:13PM

    I always enjoy reading your blogs.

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FORZACHANDMATT 10/29/2014 12:00PM

    I love this and I think your focus is totally in the right place! We are always running busy and don't focus on the little things - good for you!

And we are having the kids stay home a bit more lately too - it is a rite of passage - but I really don't think my kids would put themselves to bed - that's awesome!

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KANOE10 10/29/2014 8:40AM

    It is very hard to have a full time job and to manage time for your family ...and to find time to exercise. I also can feel guilty that I am doing an exercise dvd instead of spending time with my family. I hope you are getting more sleep. I think your idea of focusing on the positive and genuinely making your time with your family count is great!

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MSBEKANATOR 10/29/2014 12:46AM

    What a great blog! I think that is one of the things that is so awesome about blogging, you get to think things through, sound them out, and then once they are posted you become an encouragement to others! Thanks so much for sharing. There is a lot in your blog I needed to read tonight!

Becky

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Moving on

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Yesterday was an emotional day for me....because after a year and a half of closing the office I ran for my father... the office was dismantled for reconfiguration and change.

And change is good.....but at the same time, when I was cleaning up the things that have basically sat for a year, as if time stood still, I found things that brought back memories from my life 2 years ago...and it made me cry.

My dad found me in the bathroom crying...and patted me on the back. My brother did the same. Outside the bathroom I heard my dad say "She put her heart and soul into this place."

And I did.

And that is also probably why both my father and I let it sit for a year...because he did too.

After that little set back of emotions, we all got back to work...I cleaned out more things than I thought I was there for...and there was significant progress towards new and positive change.

"Significant progress towards new and positive change" - that's a good one that just came out. The place is still a shambles, it will be more dirty and busted up in the near future.....and yet, it is still positive because of the long term goal. It's a hot mess but a work in progress.

I will have to remember that one.


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DALID414 10/19/2014 2:21PM

    That is a good one!
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KANOE10 10/19/2014 7:45AM

    Thatust have brought back so any good memories of working there. Change can be painful. However, like you say. It is a work in progress to a long te goal. I am sending you a wa hug.

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PICKIE98 10/19/2014 7:20AM

    I know the feeling. I had to clean out my aunt and uncle's home after they died a week apart. These people were like my parents. I lived with them more than my family. I think my tears were used to scrub the kitchen floor. Loss and change are devastating on different levels. Nothing to be explained or ashamed of.. A big hug going to you.
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Sensitivity/New & Good news

Saturday, October 04, 2014

I am truly amazed at how sensitive I am, depending on how I care for myself...how one little comment can send me into a spiral of negative self-talk and self-abuse.

This week...was a really good week. Life affirming even.

So why is that one stupid comment from one stupid person can make that all come crashing down?

Why is it that I have to pick up every single piece off the ground again even after such an awesome week?

I know why....so I will tell you: It all goes back to when I was a kid and being teased and feeling left out. Instead of building a tough skin, the words cut and wound. It's just the way I am made.

You'd think after so many years, I would be used to it....and I am getting better, trust me, I am...but it's when you are trying your hardest, and feeling on top the day before, then lack of sleep and poor eating gets in the way the very next day and then someone comes and makes a stupid comment... that is when it hurts.

I won't try and change myself for anyone anymore. This is me, and this is part of who I am...and I HAVE TO accept that I will get burned as before. How I react to it is what I have to work on. How I take care of myself is a big part of my resilience and ability to brush things off now. I have to be more mindful of that.

My self-care is what gives me balance. Some may call it selfish...I call it self-preservation.

My self-care is eating well...and sleeping well.

My self-care is following my gut and intuition....it has rarely let me down.

My self-care is realizing that everyday, not everyone is going to be happy with my ways, but that is there problem....not mine. That one is my work in progress. At least I don't turn to food anymore to "fix it" and make myself feel better. Score one point for me! YAY!

OK...now that I let that one out...on to some new and good news:

emoticon I took my last test to become a certified health coach!!! I passed and am now working on a logo and FB website. I will get you guys a link soon!
emoticon Branching out is scary, but timing is everything (I truly believe that) and I think it's time to get this moving....for real.
emoticon FOR MAINTENANCE!!!!!! That one snuck on me...yup, it truly did.

oh, and one last thing I learned:

emoticon My hugs are magic. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KANOE10 10/5/2014 9:08AM

    How exciting that you passed your test and are now a certified health coach! Way to go my friend. Your hugs are magic and I am sending you one for entering a new career.

Yes, the negative comments still hurt, but you have made such progress by not turning to food anymore and by taking care of yourself. It is their problem, not yours.

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DWEXCEL 10/4/2014 8:09AM

    I hear you with your first topic. No matter what, it does still hurt. And you are so right, it's how we react to those comments that change us and make us stronger! Good for you for recognizing that, and knowing what you need to do. It does not make you selfish--it makes you a stronger and better you!!!!

And Super-Congrats on topic #2!!!!! I am so proud of you. This has been something you have been wanting and working on for a long time. It is something that you will be amazing at!!!!!!

Love you!
Donna emoticon

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BEATLETOT 10/4/2014 8:00AM

    How very cool that you'll be launching a business! You are so awesome!

I love magic hugs!

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My Weight loss brain vs. my Mx brain

Saturday, September 13, 2014

There are 2 distinct brains that are going on here: the weight loss brain and the Maintenance (Mx) brain (forgive the shorthand, but I use it constantly at work - might as well introduce it here to everyone since writing it out is a pain in the butt sometimes.)

I am currently trying to get back into my Mx range of 130-135 but something dawned on me that I was in the wrong mindset in trying to get back there - weighing every day and expecting to see that change is a Mx mindset linked with a Weight loss mindset and those 2 together....well, it just equals frustration!

So I am now in the process of breaking that jumbled mindset and rethinking the whole thing (once again bc it's been a while since I had to think like this): back to the weekly weigh-in I go (thanks to a challenge I joined, this actually is helping me realize the snafu) and back to the mentality of weightloss: that things take TIME and PATIENCE and PERSISTENCE and say out loud that yes, even people who are good at Maintaining need to switch it up once in a while and get back in the saddle because let's face it....sometimes, it is not water weight you are holding on to. emoticon

My Mx brain is set on these things that I know for a fact: my body has at a sweet spot and I can pretty much eat whatever in moderation and not gain anything major when I am "active" (in quotes because it means that I am not just sitting on my arse, but it doesn't mean I am exercising a lot either)

My Weightloss brain is this: track stuff, get moving again, weigh once a week...basically: make better/healthier choices over all and know that things are slow and weekly loss is what we are going for.

So that is where I am now....to focus on 10 minutes of exercise a day, to make good choices, and to abstain (for a little while) from my uber-loves that brought back on those pounds (wine and eating out a lot this summer did me in) and if I do need to visit those uber-loves - track them in my tracker to be accountable instead of ignoring them.

I can honestly say, that it has been so-far-so-good the last 2 weeks...but writing it out helps me out...and maybe it can help somebody else out too!

On to week #3!!!!!!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KANOE10 9/14/2014 9:54AM

    Even while we are maintaining, we enter the up pound times when we need to re-boot our habits and our thinking back into weight loss mode. You explained the mindsets well. As someone commented..weight fluctuation does mean up and down..when you enter constantly up,days, you know you need to act.

"So that is where I am now....to focus on 10 minutes of exercise a day, to make good choices, and to abstain (for a little while) from my uber-loves that brought back on those pounds (wine and eating out a lot this summer did me in) and if I do need to visit those uber-loves - track them in my tracker to be accountable instead of ignoring them. " These are great steps for staying on track and losing. I have to abstain also during my re-boot periods.

Congratulations on the two successful weeks and also on acting to get back on track. emoticon



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DALID414 9/13/2014 9:36PM

    Yup, right there with you.
I joined the challenge and purposely chose a lower center weight emoticon

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 9/13/2014 12:34PM

    Yep loss and maintenance are definitely two different modes.

There's even scientific evidence to back it up!

http://www.sparkpeople.c
om/mypage_public_journal_indivi
dual.asp?blog_id=4357759

I admit even knowing that doesn't stop me from falling into the trap anyway, sometimes. For me I think it's partly because maintenance mode is more comfortable.
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JOHNMARTINMILES 9/13/2014 9:32AM

    Great analogy

Make Today the Greatest Day of Your Life

emoticon Until Tomorrow!


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