Thursday, July 17, 2008
My 9th anniversary was yesterday and my mini-goal of my wedding dress being loose was totally accomplished...my chest and shoulders have disappeared, that's why! So I was super happy yesterday about that! My weigh in today was 151 - so close!!! Soon, very soon!!!
Good things too - for the big day, DH and I went to the Cheesecake Factory...it's a place where the food is do die for and the desserts are too! I saved cals and everything, so I did not feel guilty at all eating my meal...funny thing - we never even ate cheesecake!! I can't!! really, I can't digest that stuff anymore...bile duct issues...but I digress.
We walked around the mall, sans kids, and went into a few stores that I was itching to look at the last time we were there with the whining cherubs of my heart. Eddie Bauer (OK, I'm a preppy at heart - sue me) and this store called White House/Black Market (all B&W stuff). Oh was I drooling!! I need new clothes SO bad it's not funny. I tried on some stuff at EB and can get into a M top there - SHOCKING! But things were $30 on sale and that's a little high right now for me, plus who the hell knows where I'll be in the fall?! So we walked out w/o anything except a big grin on my face!
I'm still getting used to this body. I am in line and fitting in with my sisters now, which blows my mind! My one sis even said she probably has clothes for me....ME! WOW! I'm even in my closet trying things on and taking them off for whatever reason 2 times before I step out the door - another first. So weird. It blows my mind that I can go into a store and try stuff on in the M, size 10/12 range.
Today I packed up my size 16 pants to give to a co-worker - and that brown jacket in the Feb 7 start picture is there too. It's a 1X. I tried it on and it was HUGE. I also tried on the green jacket from my little sister's white coat ceremony and that was huge too. I almost cried.
My DH gave me a football jersey in a L YEARS ago - tags still on it...it fits fine now, and that made him really happy. My eldest was watching me go thru my closet this morning and when I tried it on and said that it was good, he said, "No Mom, that is great." That made ME feel great.
I did this for me.
I did this for them.
Nothing can beat this feeling of accomplishment.
Thanks SP for existing - without you, I might still be heavy.
Thanks to ALL of my SP friends for your support - you helped me along and kept me going when I needed it most.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Yes, I am talking about those last few pounds til goal - those elusive 3 pounds...I know that things came up that did not help my goal, but the last 2 weeks was not all THAT bad - gimme a break! And this week got me down to the 153 I was before vacation, which was good, but something has just NOT been right.
It began with the fitness tracker screaming at me in red that I went WAY over calorie burn to lose weight and I should increase my calories; that was something I was already doing naturally because I was genuinely hungry...so that went up. I'm not surprised at all. Camping was non-stop up and the crack of dawn, walk everywhere, go to sleep early kind of stuff, and eating like crazy because we were so active. That week was not tracked...this week was, and the results were crazy!
I usually don't track every active thing I do. Like playing with the kids? So subjective. Swimming? What is SPs true definition anyway? Cleaning the house? subjective. So this week was VERY different...I tracked swimming and bike riding in addition to my cardio (which I did faithfully) and my strength (some is better than none). WAY over ranges. WAY. I did this before about 4 weeks ago - SP fitness yelled at me then too.
I changed the cardio cals burned to just get rid of the red, and SP diet skyrocketed my cals...holy crap! I was shooting for my 1200-1550 range, well not anymore! Try 1370-1690! Whoa nellie! I'm totally not used to thinking like this! No wonder I was not losing so much and stalling on some weeks - I am not eating enough calories! I've been hitting the 1350s most days this week before I even changed the diet - imagine that!
So now I am in jump start mode...new thinking and behavior to finally blast those 3 pounds away for good! Time to hit the market tomorrow for more fruits & veggies. Track all food & fitness. Strength is going to be done - period. Cardio in the morning - period.
I'm done with this BS and a little angry at myself for not tracking the fitness better. I probably could have been more proactive toward my goal. Oh well - one step back, two steps forward to goal. I don't expect to make it by Wed, but I'm going to give it my all to try. Old me would have said something really negative, but new me is fighting hard not to listen to the dark side of what-used-to-be. New me is here to stay and will not give up.
Friday, July 04, 2008
We got back last night from camping, and we made it a full week without killing each other!!! A week is a long time, and don't get me wrong, there was a time Tues/Wed when the kids just laid there like lumps, bored out of their skulls, but all in all, they had a blast at the beach and lots of miles-stones were made:
My oldest now rides without training wheels!
My middle guy practically jumped in the ocean with his clothes on the first time down at the shore - the last time we were there in April, he would NOT go past the dunes to even look at the ocean.
My little guy - well... he's still a weasel and addicted to his binky, but we are working on him....who wants a screaming kid being weaned off a binky during a camping trip - NOT ME! He did like the water though, but not the sand - he's like me that way.
Any trip now will be a piece of cake. 2 days - HA - no problem! I laugh at that! HaHA! We forgot some key things, like the frozen premade chicken braciole and the bacon, but that was ok...my DH made 3 racks of baby back pork ribs on a 14 inch grill that were to die for! I swear he's a gifted man - he can cook gourmet anywhere.
Food wise - meat, bread, donuts, chips. That was the diet. Water & veggies & fruits were real low...storage issues and pee issues really. So now it's "CAMPING DETOX" - water water water!!! Food shopping is tomorrow, which means - veggies, fruits and good breads and skim milk!! YAY I can't wait!!!!
So the bathing suit was REALLY funny, because my ever disappearing ass has now made my suit look stupid. I had to buy some black shorts to wear OVER the suit, and now the back part around the chestal area is getting loose!! Gimme a break!! If I really had guts, I'd post it online, but that my friends, you will never see!
So here is another random thought I had today...and if you had similar weightloss, you will experience this too...it's the mental concept that your body really is not all that bad. Think about it. Go to a beach and sit and people watch and you will see. Go to a museum and look at the sculptures and nudes of "back in the day." Women are made and depicted in a certain way for centuries for a reason - we are women! We have the round curves, the belly pouch, the poochy arms and full thighs. Every single Roman and Greek statue I have ever seen has had those similar features. Womanly, motherly, sexy features. And the artists - MEN. Think about it. Think about that power the female form has over the male...for as long as man and woman has walked the earth, the goddess and mother earth cultures. I can go all ethnographic and anthropological on you guys, but I think I made my point somehow: sometimes that little bit here and there that we HATE is what the other half loves the most about our body.
So my conclusion is this (long winded, I know, but hey, it's been a week!)
Lose what you want to lose to make you happy with your body, whatever weight that may be. Love yourself first and foremost, and that starting point will bring about such wonderful changes in your world - Confidence, Self-esteem, Time for YOU.
PS - I'll be bopping in to see y'all soon! Just give me some time to do the laundry - 5 loads easy!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
A couple of things went on this week that are totally awesome!!
I lost 2 pounds! I jumped on the scale for S&G (that's S%@#&'s and Giggles for my friends - it's a term that I sometimes use, well, for S&G!) I digress...the scale. It said 153! I sort of had no movement for 2 weeks and exercise was lackluster (as it has been lately...I'm working on a new schedue). I digress...again. Well, after getting ready for my son's 4th b-day party and teacher gifts, and prep for camping....blah blah blah - somehow, in there, 2 pounds came off! I have to thank diet for this one!
Last Friday, I B-blogged about family and crap, and my body was sooo hungry that I ate more than my usual for the day. I'll say overindulged to be nice to myself. I thought it was stress/emotional eating going on. But finally the hunger went away and I felt satisfied. I thought, well there goes any movement on the scale this week! and shrugged it off and started over the next day. I've never really thought about it until the next day, that my body must have been needing someting that I wasn't supplying - some extra calories. Instead of fighting my "craving" - I gave in and ate that extra half piece of pizza and had a chocolate pretzel rod, (OK , it was 3).
By listening to my body - I learned something new. Cravings are there for a reason. If it's a true craving, just get rid of it and be done with it. Don't torture yourself into thinking it will go away, because that is when binging happens. That's what I think, at least.
OK - that being said...I had yesterday off and all to myself - a rare day in my world!! The kids were all in school and the office was super slow, so we did not schedule the day at all. Because we are camping this week, I had a butt load of stuff to get the kids - for underwear and socks to bathing suits to paper bowls to sunscreen to sandals and sneakers - you name it - I needed to get it. Gas is expensive now, so I figured K-mart was the best place to go to get everything done. Early shopping at 8:30 - the place is dead.
SO I'm in the ladies department and saw my favorite thing - the clearance rack! My size 12s are looking really baggy in the butt area - I think I will be a large on top forever and my butt with keep shrinking til it's a size zero...anyway, I grapped 2 capris in a 9/10 and a bunch of large tops and went to the fitting room. The 9/10s were for S&G to see if , maybe, I could squeeze my butt into them....well the darn things FIT!!
I HAVE NEVER, IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, BEEN A SIZE 10 - NEVER EVER EVER!!!
Talk about being pumped! I bought both of them. It gave me some oomph to get to my goal weight even more now...and maybe even beyond that. I accept these things - my chest will always be larger than my hips, it's the way I am built, my butt will always be flat and narrow...but the weight will eventually come off and I'll tone as much as I can within my lifetime to be less mushy and stronger. I'll get there...eventually.
I still can't believe that I own a size 10 piece of clothing! Do linen capri's bronze well? I think they deserve to be saved for all eternity. Those puppies will NEVER be thrown out. Ever...
Monday, June 23, 2008
All good things come to those who wait.
When I first joined SP on Feb 7th - the aspect of belonging to such a huge thing was a little daunting. Insecurity and self-consiousness were there even though noone could see me and reading people's banter had me a little envious of that comraderie.
So, like this new lifestyle change, I took a leap of faith and jumped in with both feet. The more I posted, the more comfortable I felt; and in turn, the more confident about myself and my new endeavor, the better I did with my lifestyle change. If was the support and encouragement of others that was the key for me.
SP "advertises" that if you just reach out to the community, people will be there to help you along, pick you up and dust you off again, and put you back on your path. It is so true.
Friendships take time to build...but when they are there, they are unwavering (for me at least). If you are just starting out on SP - give it a go with the community - it will surprise you. And if you don't blog a whole lot or chat, try it, you might find the key that was missing in your lifestyle change.
So my conclusion is this - all good things come to those who wait...who persevere...who strive to better themselves...who listen...who contribute...who accept you for who you are...who take that leap of faith.
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