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Getting used to new skin

Friday, August 29, 2008

So here is the deal. I went clothes shopping with my little sis - love her...she's totally like Kelly on "What Not to Wear." Let's just say I tried on about 80 different pieces of clothing and bought only 2. The problem is part the clothing style and construction, and part my own style...which I don't really have at the moment.

Being the heavy girl always meant shopping like this:
- find something not too clingy
- buy 5 of that shirt in different colors
- dresses? bought only when needed
- pants - well, that was jeans

That's basically it. I just tossed all of those sweaters and shirts like that. They no longer fit and were taking up room in my now empty closet. I've tossed more clothes into the donation bag than any other time in my life. I am not keeping anything from the past.

So shopping now is like being tossed into a giant dark pit of the unknown. Time for a freefall. What fits? What size to even try first? What cut is good for my body type? How much to spend? Is my body going to stay this shape and why should I spend money on really good pants when they might fall off my ars in a month if I exercise more consistently?

By the end of that shopping day - I had a headache.

So a conscious effort is being made. I found a really great website that the styles seem to be I took the plunge and ordered a few petite, because that was one of those things I learned from my shopping trip. I am a petite. I have to embrace that phrase because clothes fit differently and a good fit equals a happy customer. This site is uber expensive though...way out of budget, so I hit the sale rack. A $139 velvet burnout dress for the holidays was going for $35!!! I don't know my size, so I bought 2...just gave the large to my MIL because the M fit great. The 2 other outfits that were not on sale...poor fits, so back they go with no guilt. At least I took the chance right? Trial and error.

Then I went to Kmart....yup- the only store close enough to me to let me run in & out without a long trip thru LI traffic and get home to the kids quickly. My sis hates this store because it's not as high quality as she would like. Well, I bought a size 10 - 3 piece suit in black for $75. If I change shape - who cares at that price! and I look great in it! and it's in my budget!! Sorry sis - I've got daycare to pay for.

So my basic summation on the clothes thing is this...this too shall take some time. Rome was not built in a day. This weight did not come off of this body overnight. The closet will be filled with wearable and liked clothes eventually as well. I'm not settling on any one thing anymore.

Another weird thing is being in pictures and hearing comments from other people who don't really see me that often. It's weird to be scolded by an Ann Taylor employee for wearing baggy capris...let's just say she tried to sell me a bunch of new petite capris and black pants. It's weird to be in pictures with my sisters and fit in with them. It's weird to think - size 10 and not be obsessed about wanting to be a size keep going even though things are perfectly AOK. It's weird to be nice to myself and consciously say that I look good in something.

Now some people may ask - why goal at 150? You are 5 ft 2in - you could be 110-120 if you kept going. The answer is this. The last time I was 150, I was 16 and not comfortable in my own skin. A lot of things went down that year in my life - not all good. I want to be comfortable in this skin for a while. 150 is that place to start some healing. I want that 150 teenager inside to know that 150 was an ok weight to be... that I was not "fat" like my head said I was...that I was way too hard on myself for things that I could not control. Being a 150 adult is way different that being a 150 teenager. With age comes wisdom and confidence. And people say you look good now, although as a lost teenager, you never heard those words uttered at all.

I'm getting used to this new skin. It's going to take some time to do, but it will get done.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRECECOOKS 9/5/2008 8:37PM

    Awesome blog - I could SO relate! DD21 is the one who is "Stacy" in my house; no one goes shopping or gets dressed without her.

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OAKBORN 9/2/2008 3:04PM

I so understand what you are saying here! I dimly remember shopping for cute clothes as opposed to just clothes. So many things don't fit anymore. I have a huge trashbag full of stuff and lots more closet to go through.

I walked the other day and kept repeating "I'm slim now" to myself.

You're slim now!

We're slim now!

Ain't it grand?


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BATHMOM 9/1/2008 9:53PM

    Thanks for sharing your heart in your blog, Anne! It really touches a chord with me, and you've inspired me to rethink the way I look at myself, too. ...and I like "What Not to Wear" too. At first I thought it was a horrendous concept and that it would be humiliating to be on there...but I kept getting pulled into the show and realized how they were helping people look at themselves differently. Who can't relate to that? I wish I could get a fashion consultant to go shopping with me. Wouldn't that be nice? ...particularly if they weren't above shopping at Target ("tar-zhay"). ;-)

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IAMLION 9/1/2008 5:20PM

    Hey buddy! I just got back from camping. Had a great time!
Love the blog!! I agree, chilling at 150 and taking time to see if this is the right "size" for you is the way to go. 150 is my evaluation point. I am 5'3" and I will more than probably revise my goal but I want to try out 150 for a bit to see how I like it first. Who knows, 150 may be my spot!
Take care!!

emoticon Connie

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CASHLESSNCR 9/1/2008 9:59AM

    Sizes mean nothing. Particularly when the same person could fit into a 14 in one garment and an 8 in another. Numbers on a scale mean nothing. Its about how you feel. right? You know that.

I'm also trying to get used to a new way of dressing my body. I've still got a little way to go yet before I reach my goal so I'm not inclined to start my clothing exodus quite yet, but I know the day is coming!

Thanks for sharing your experience.

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ANG76H 8/31/2008 1:47PM

  Congrats to you! I loved this blog...I can relate to a lot of it. ;) You have a very healthy attitude about your weight loss and everything that goes into it...mind, body & spirit. Again, congrats on all your hard work and on being Ms. DONE!

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DREAMNSCHEME 8/29/2008 3:14PM

    You are right, you need to love your self at 150 and be comfortable in the person you are . After all the weight is just a number, it doesn't really mean anything. I think you look beautiful and the trick as seeing yourself for what you are. A beautiful woman who is making healthy choices and living a happier, fitter life. Congrats to you!

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FULL MOON - it explains so much!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

I just had to come on and report that my life as I know it is back to normal!! I looked up tonight and even through the trees I could see the BIGGEST moon ever. I explained so much that I just started laughing!!

I woke up yesterday and felt normal again...weird, I know. It was about 2 weeks of abnormal eating and mentally battling with inner demons...and then it was all fine. Weird. It only happens once in a blue moon, and I guess that is what I'm going to chalk it up to. On top of that, it's that TOM! yay - discovered that yesterday too.

So, to everyone who cheered me up....thanks, I needed that!

Ending on a super duper positive note: I'm going to just say that we had a family party today. My younger brother and his wife said the funniest thing....that I was TINY! Imagine that! Tiny. I'm going to wrap my head around that one. I like it. And my sisters and I took a picture and I fitted in with them for the very first time in a very long time. We looked like happy & healthy sisters. Mini-goal accomplished.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OAKBORN 8/18/2008 10:37AM

    Anne, How WONDERFUL on everything!! Sounds so GREAT.

The full moon was BEAUTIFUL here in Missouri on Saturday night... just gleaming like a huge opal in the sky. Loved it!

Congrats on being a motivator! You soooooooo deserve it!

Thanks for coming by my page. I was so tired last night & Saturday night when I got home, I could barely get all my points in... 's'matter of fact, I don't think I did on Saturday... just...too...tired...

Aunt Rosie visited me with a vengeance over the weekend... argh. But I kept on keepin' on... and she is leaving very soon now.

As of today, I am 1.8# from goal, so by the end of August I'll be ready to tread water with you. I'll happily accept that flight of balloons!

My boss is a great garage-saler and I asked her to find some size 10 jeans for me... and she got me 2 pair of full length ones, some clam-diggers and a totally cute pair of capris and they all fit PERFECTLY. I only owe her $2! How cool is that? I have found that I wear size 10 if they are older and size 8 if they are newer... they have to be changing those sizes.

Good grief, I am rambling...

Yay you! And YES!! I am here for the long haul and we can tread water together!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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My new fridge (aka. my baby)

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Isn't she pretty?

So nothing goes smooth...not surprised at this point! LOL Sorry I'm in cynical mode still! ROFL hysterically!

The light didn't go on and the delivery dudes broke a non-essential cosmetic piece...DH is pissed! We fixed the light ourselves by - oh - pulling the thing out a half inch! duh! But the piece...I think DH is running down there and taking it off the floor model. LOL

But she is pretty... and high tech. I'm in debt big time on this one girls. But after 10 years of settling on everyone's left over''s time for a splurge on what we want and need, not just what we need.

Isn't she pretty? Ahhhhhhhhh I can't wait to wipe off the fingerprints.....Ahhhhhhhhh

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SFOSTER 9/3/2008 10:29PM

    OMG that is gorgeous. I can't wait to get a new fridge. Hopefully sometime in the next year.

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IAMLION 8/13/2008 8:27PM

    I love it!! Had a friend talking the other day that they wanted one like that. Enjoy your new addition!

emoticon Connie

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JENNY448 8/13/2008 3:53PM

    Yep that sure is a beauty! Almost looks like mine! Except yours is better I think because I don't have the swinging doors on top! Yeah for you...YOU deserve it!

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PUMPKINFACE73 8/13/2008 3:50PM

    that sure is a beauty!
I have always had hand me down everything......I am loving your shiny new fridge!

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My broken mirror

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I have lots to say - be afraid, be very afraid.

The last entry told about my fridge passing away...which it finally did, poor thing, while we were away camping. But let me digress a moment, because camping was an adventure itself. We rode out one of the worst storms EVER - I thought a twister was joke.

Back to the fridge...I said that when this fridge died, I was going to get my ultimate dream fridge...of course there are height issues, LOL - nothing is easy. On the hunt to 6 different stores in 2 hours, we came to the conclusion that we would have to move the restricting cabinet up about 3 inches to get a decent today, DH did just that!! (easier than he thought) and then he went and got my dream fridge! (to be installed tomorrow - thank God above)

But the story gets better...As I was unpacking, I broke my mirror. I'm usually not suspicious, but for some reason, something is off and it seems to have started with the stupid mirror. First the fridge not fitting in the space, OK, that is normal. Then my horrorscope, as I will call it today, was not nice at all. Doom was on the wind. I usually blow that off too, but I fell off the wagon camping, HARD, and I was struggling back to get on (which is hard with no fridge) when the day just flooded upon me like a tidal wave. Here we go:

Crap #1 - I called daycare....they raised the price almost $50 from last year. For each kid!! This is Long Island, I'm not even going to say the prices because you will upchuck, like I did.

#2 - You might ask, where did you put the food from your broken fridge? the ANCIENT fridge in the basement, of course! Nothing like going up and down a flight of stairs to get your kids' milk & juice every 10 seconds. Such darlings! And next to that ancient fridge is an ancient freezer on an ancient extension cord my dad rigged up about 30 years ago. No BS, I swear.

#3 - Getting the latest milk at 7pm tonight, I grabbed the handle to the ancient fridge in the basement and got a shock up my arm! Stupid me was like - huh? and went for the door with my other hand....shock #2 up the arm. DUH!! DH was down in the cellar with me, and shut the breaker off. The ancient basement fridge is done too! That one at least went out with a bang! LOL

#4 - The ancient freezer is AOK, but the ancient extension cord is BURNED OUT...I'm talking fried. So is the plug it was plugged in to. The thing sent sparks out last year, so I'm not surprised. Why didn't we replace those last year, you ask? Because we are lazy dummies, that is why! Let the house burn down - there you go!! How stupid are we?! Put a big fat L on my forehead please.

#5 - Working out did not happen again today - the wagon is speeding and I'm running hard (in my mind) to get back on, but nothing is getting me going. My AM workouts fizzled. I liked them a lot - got it done and over with in the morning and didn't have to think about it for the rest of the day...why did it fizzle? It wasn't a routine, that is why, just a try. I need to establish that again and then I'll feel better.

#6 - I ate whatever the hell I wanted today and I didn't care. Well, I care, but I made poor choiced instead of the healthy choices. It wasn't a whole lot of choices to choose was Chinese for dinner that killed me and no fruits and veggies because the lack of fridge. I don't even want to calculate it on my log - that is how crappy I feel about it. I don't have to see the number of cals, I know what it is - over. period. Was it emotional eating? partly YES....partly hunger. I felt like a bottomless pit.

#7 - Maintenance is like being thrown into a big sea with no life preserver. Tread water....go ahead...keep going...getting tired?....too bad....keep treading....keep it up...what? your tired? still?....too bad....keep going...keep that nose out of the water....keep want to live, right?....keep treading...
Before "Maintenance" and "GOAL" - the weightloss kept you going. That pound, that inch lost was golden! Now it is a little bit like being lost in the sea, trying to find your way to land....balance normal exercise with the healthy eating habits. Being Ms. Done is fun, too, but I have to add that fun into my day too. The balance board is swaying back & forth instead of being steady.

Between work, kids, wife, Ms. Done (that gets in too because it is important to me), visiting family & friends...I feel like I So when my mirror broke, it was not the mirror was me.

Today was that uber crappy emotional day that happens every so often. Money issues, family issues, daycare issues, work issues, career issues, an issue and throw it on the pile, I don't care anymore. The broken mirror started it and the shock by the fridge ended it. I'm done. Sometimes, we have to throw up our hands and surrender.

Tomorrow is a new day and it will be better than today. Things always work out in the end, and most times, they do. I set my alarm for 5:30am and now I am going to bed. I'm waking up and hitting the TM.

I threw out that mirror the other day...I guess some shards were left on the floor to cut my feet a little bit. It's time to vacuum really well and buy a new mirror.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OAKBORN 8/16/2008 1:55PM

    Wow Annie! Have you had one h*** of a week. I'm sorry. emoticon

Sounds like you have gotten back on track again. You can keep this up... by taking care of you, you will be taking care of all those you love too!

Your description of maintenance sounds like my fears. How do I keep going when I don't have a recognizable goal except "stay put"? Maintenance is more than just weight, it is keeping balance in your soul and life too!

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IRISHBOOKWORM 8/14/2008 11:01PM

    Good god girl, I have had some days, but, I can honestly say mine never ended in being shocked by a freezer! WOW! Are you better now? You just got back from camping. I really should make that a mini-goal. Actually, I have a group of friends that go floating a couple times a summer. Maybe someday I'll join them! Did you manage to get on the TM the next morning? I probably still would have had my case of the "screw-its" carry over! How's the maintenance going so far? Talk to you soon.....


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IAMLION 8/13/2008 7:45AM

    Welcome back from camping!

You really had one heck of a day!! emoticon I hope today will be much kinder to you!

Sorry about the day care increase! That alone would have been enough to do me in!!

The positive on the fridge being down stairs was the workout you were getting going up and down those stairs. Glad you didn't pass out from all your trips!

You are much braver than me. One shock and then I'm calling the husband. Our conversation would go like this, "Hun, can you bring me some milk from the fridge downstairs?" Then I would follow him down there and he would look at me weird (for going down stairs with him) and then I would giggle when he gets his shock. Yep, I'm not right sometimes! Then I would have freaked out when I saw that the outlet was fried. We've had two do that and I was scared that all our wires were bad, etc... I tend to worry sometimes. I've had two family members pass away from house fires so I am a bit paranoid.

How is that new fridge working out??

I hope you have an AWESOME day and that all goes well!

emoticon Connie

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EMSNANA 8/13/2008 7:25AM

    WHEW! What a day you had...but I think you sound like you might just have things under is to a good tomorrow.

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PUMPKINFACE73 8/12/2008 10:24PM

    Wow sunshine that is a heck of a day.......I am right here with you in limbo doing this maintenance is sooooo hard! BUT we will come out vicorious.....we have worked too hard, sweat too much and we WILL do it (not sure how at this
Tomorrow is a new day and it will be better.......heck all the fridges are broke how much worse can it get......just teasing and trying to make you laugh

Have a great night MS DONE

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Friday, August 08, 2008

We're heading out to came in Greenport LI NY today - new campground - wish us luck!

I'm almost halfway thru my touring project! LOL!! I've met so many wonderful people! THANKS

Oh - and our fridge is crapping out! YAY!!!!! I hate that fridge!! Now I can get my uber-ultimate fridge that I have been drooling over. The frugal person is out the window on this one...I want what I want this time around!

So send a prayer that the poor beast passes away while we are gone. It's empty and forelorn already....may it rest in peace.



  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IAMLION 8/10/2008 6:40PM

    Hope you are enjoying your camping trip! We won't be going anywhere until Sept. It's just too hot around here to go tent camping. We haven't upgraded to a trailer yet. One day in the future.

Here's hoping your fridge conks out! Out with the old and in with the shiny brand new!

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