Monday, September 15, 2008
Yup...as some of you can see, I've lost a few more pounds in the past week, for whatever reason. Part being that I'm watching the dairy, part being that I'm exercising again and burning cals, part being that subconsciously I wasn't totally done, part being that I believe that there is an equilibrium that I'll eventually settle at and I'm not there yet....lots of little things.
It's weird to have dropped a few more because I just bought a bunch of new shirts that were slightly snug...I was 150 when I bought them, and to tell you the honest truth, they fit and look better 2 pounds lighter. At 150, I had the side pooch thing - love handles? - that I wasn't really thrilled with...2 pounds down and they were down too...not gone, just down. That makes me happy.
My closet has been completely redone and I can wear everything in it without cringing...that's something very foreign to me. I kept old and added some new, and I'm happy with that. I tossed yet another bag to goodwill - I think it's my 4th one. Trust me, there is still some to go, but I can use what's left to my advantage. I need shoes though....pretty bad.
This week at work, every single person was shocked to see me. I'm in the health field, so people see me sporadically. Every person was like, "Whoa! What have you been up to? You look great!"
We went to a party and I wore something I bought with my sister from Express - a blue fitted button down that had no gap-osis going on and a pair of black wide leg pants... I wore it to work and went right to the party...these are newer friends that we are socializing with now because of school...but I digress. I embraced form fitting clothes in public for the very first time. Talk about diving in with both feet. Our friends openly asked, so I talked about SP the whole time. Even my older friends are a little shocked.
I think my DH is going to throw up soon. I think my co-workers are going to throw up soon. They hear it all the time!
Anyway, I've kind of come to the conclusion that whatever will be, will be. Is maintaining hard? Sort of and yet not, at the same time...I have done it for 2 months. More food is weird to do, especially when you are so used to the "diet thing". Moderation with food and exercise is a balancing act. It's really a personal journey that takes a lot of trial and error. What's good for me, might not be good for you. Is dieting easier? As you can see - for me, yes, it is. Again, a very personal journey. If I knew back then, what I know now, I would have done this when I was 20.
If you think my body is some tight, muscular thing - you are so off base!
It is what it is - a six-pack of well defined fat attached to muscles - I'm just happy the spare tire is gone; arms that wave good-bye after I have stopped waving; cellulite and stretch marks are part of who I am - I accept that one with arms wide open. I don't think I need to go on, you get the picture.
So here's the deal with all this re-evaluation:
- I refuse to let myself go over 150 for the rest of my life if I can possibly help it.
- 150 is a good and happy place - I'm glad I maintained well there
- the uber-ultimate goal of a healthy BMI at 136 pounds is totally doable and if it happens to be my equilibrium spot, then so be it.
- I'm not deliberately dieting to get to 136.
- Just being in the 140s is a thrill for me and I LIKE IT!
I looks like Ms. Done might not be totally done.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
The news coverage had the names being said on every single channel in our area.
The kids in my husband's school read books and remember the day.
I mentioned the day to my husband and father this morning and said everyone knows exactly where they were and who was around them when they found out what had happened.
Personally, I had just found out I was pregnant with my first child the day before and was on cloud nine...and then my father and I watched in horror as news coverage broke and we saw 2 planes crash into the towers, and stared in disbelief that other planes were involved as well, in other parts of the country.
My husband is a teacher and teaches in a high commuter town. He's taught the kids of the victims of that day for the last 7 years. No one on Long Island doesn't know someone who wasn't there....running for their lives.
The last person I saw today at work, was a broker who was just 2 blocks away from the towers that day. He said he was covered in dust and ran for the Manhattan Bridge to get across into Queens. He saw it all. He and so many others. He described it like he was just there, in the moment.
Many people were affected by this - to think about it is almost insanely scary - not only here, but in Washington and Pennsylvania too, and the ripple effect it caused on all of those poor people on those planes. So many people. So many families.
That's why they read the list...
Sometimes to think of others, on a day like today, puts so many other things into perspective.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Another shopping adventure...alone this time!
Tried on about 80 different styled shirts...learned - wrap style is the best for my figure. OK - fat girl mentality did occur and old habits die hard - I bought one style shirt is 3 colors, but there is a method to my madness, and I'll tell you why.
Shirt #1 - basic black - enough said
Shirt #2 - multigreen tile print on white background with tiles of black thrown in - great for under a jacket, it's holiday-ee-ish if I want it to be (xmas & St. Pats), I can wear it around the kids and a stain won't show
Shirt #3 - deep maroony-plum - color was awesome on me, good for fall
So you see, the fat chick mentality, while present still, was dominated by a more fashion conscious medium sized chick persona coming through...I'm making progress.
Another thing learned....some petite sections just plain suck. No variety in the shirt department. Pants were fine...bought a nice trouser pair that makes my ass look nice...at last!!
And another thing....why are sweaters being put out with short sleeves? Winter IS coming, isn't it?
And another thing...do they think everyone WANTS to look pregnant in 80% of the clothes manufactured? Anyone with a chest is screwed.
And another thing...what's with the puffy bell sleeves on jackets?
And another thing...the 70s are OVER - give Mrs. Roper her clothes back.
OK - that vent is over.
Other things bought - a very cute vertical striped quilted jacket in brown - chose the L even thought the M fit because of the sweater factor. Plus, the buttons popped when I stretched my arms back. My mid-sis told me via phone to get the M if I could button it, but on further analysis, the L was the way to go. I'm glad I did.
A black & white skirt in a L...I always wanted one, so I bought it...goes great with the black top...might have to return it if I can get in online in a medium. The shirts I bought are the slightest bit more fitted than I am used to, which is a good thing because it will keep me accountable even more to stay focused on healthy stuff...especially during the holidays.
So that is that - and I am going to be a hot PTA mom this season. No more frumpwear for me.
I just looked in my closet and am pretty happy now. A lot of stuff is on ANOTHER pile to go out...this time the 14s and XL shirts. Somebutton downs are still hanging around to layer over tanks this winter...it'll save me some money that way, but if I need to look nice, I can now. I have a few jackets too that still fit. Now all I need are a few more pants that fit really well and I am really set.
Glad I went out today instead of sitting on my behind. What is what some people say...shopping is therapy? I can totally see that when things actually fit! Now all I need are some cool shoes....
Friday, August 29, 2008
So here is the deal. I went clothes shopping with my little sis - love her...she's totally like Kelly on "What Not to Wear." Let's just say I tried on about 80 different pieces of clothing and bought only 2. The problem is part the clothing style and construction, and part my own style...which I don't really have at the moment.
Being the heavy girl always meant shopping like this:
- find something not too clingy
- buy 5 of that shirt in different colors
- dresses? bought only when needed
- pants - well, that was jeans
That's basically it. I just tossed all of those sweaters and shirts like that. They no longer fit and were taking up room in my now empty closet. I've tossed more clothes into the donation bag than any other time in my life. I am not keeping anything from the past.
So shopping now is like being tossed into a giant dark pit of the unknown. Time for a freefall. What fits? What size to even try first? What cut is good for my body type? How much to spend? Is my body going to stay this shape and why should I spend money on really good pants when they might fall off my ars in a month if I exercise more consistently?
By the end of that shopping day - I had a headache.
So a conscious effort is being made. I found a really great website that the styles seem to be more...me. I took the plunge and ordered a few things...in petite, because that was one of those things I learned from my shopping trip. I am a petite. I have to embrace that phrase because clothes fit differently and a good fit equals a happy customer. This site is uber expensive though...way out of budget, so I hit the sale rack. A $139 velvet burnout dress for the holidays was going for $35!!! I don't know my size, so I bought 2...just gave the large to my MIL because the M fit great. The 2 other outfits that were not on sale...poor fits, so back they go with no guilt. At least I took the chance right? Trial and error.
Then I went to Kmart....yup- the only store close enough to me to let me run in & out without a long trip thru LI traffic and get home to the kids quickly. My sis hates this store because it's not as high quality as she would like. Well, I bought a size 10 - 3 piece suit in black for $75. If I change shape - who cares at that price! and I look great in it! and it's in my budget!! Sorry sis - I've got daycare to pay for.
So my basic summation on the clothes thing is this...this too shall take some time. Rome was not built in a day. This weight did not come off of this body overnight. The closet will be filled with wearable and liked clothes eventually as well. I'm not settling on any one thing anymore.
Another weird thing is being in pictures and hearing comments from other people who don't really see me that often. It's weird to be scolded by an Ann Taylor employee for wearing baggy capris...let's just say she tried to sell me a bunch of new petite capris and black pants. It's weird to be in pictures with my sisters and fit in with them. It's weird to think - size 10 and not be obsessed about wanting to be a size 8...to keep going even though things are perfectly AOK. It's weird to be nice to myself and consciously say that I look good in something.
Now some people may ask - why goal at 150? You are 5 ft 2in - you could be 110-120 if you kept going. The answer is this. The last time I was 150, I was 16 and not comfortable in my own skin. A lot of things went down that year in my life - not all good. I want to be comfortable in this skin for a while. 150 is that place to start some healing. I want that 150 teenager inside to know that 150 was an ok weight to be... that I was not "fat" like my head said I was...that I was way too hard on myself for things that I could not control. Being a 150 adult is way different that being a 150 teenager. With age comes wisdom and confidence. And people say you look good now, although as a lost teenager, you never heard those words uttered at all.
I'm getting used to this new skin. It's going to take some time to do, but it will get done.
Get An Email Alert Each Time ANNIEONLI Posts