Tuesday, October 07, 2008
2 weeks without tracking and being Sparkfree....Sparkless....DeSparked...nice experiment, but I'm not ready to live there right now.
The last 2 weeks opened my eyes to a few things, which I will share with you now....
---I am a stress eater - BIGTIME! Becoming a Den leader to the Tiger Cubs was stressful, and those cookies I made the den didn't stand a chance! I'm embarrassed to say how many I even ate....10??? it was over 2 days, but still....I ate 'em.
--I eat when I PMS....is it that time...most likely. Add that to stress - not good.
---I had plenty of opportunities to workout, but I had so much stuff to do, I didn't...I opted for increasing my stress levels, when I know damn well that they would have been reduced and my head cleared by working out. I eventually did do that, but that was 8 cookies into the wreck already...oh well, at least I did something - finally.
---I think I gained 2 pounds...again, not surprised.
---I skulk by my scale when I feel upset with myself, like it won't show up, or it doesn't exist if I ignore it....I get on the stupid thing and confirm my guilt...and then I want an emotional pacifier of a cookie...don't worry, I'm not going to do that one. Been there, done that 8 months back.
---I'm not going to beat myself up over this because it just isn't worth it. S&iT happens....
So there you have it. I admit it....I am NOT PERFECT!!!!!! I tried to be Sparkfree, but, at this moment, I cannot. The first week was unintentional and fine, the second week with the new stress, was not so fine.
There is something very freeing saying all this outloud. It's back to the tracker and back to my fitness....to be scheduled and not missed out on because of Cub Scout stress, or work stress for that matter as well - for heaven's sake! How ridiculous is that! Where has my head been? Up my keester, that's where! What's funny about all this, is that my father and my husband noticed that I was slacking and not tracking...how funny is that? Dad told me to get back on it...because "it works and helps me be the best me I can be". That's a direct quote from my Dad....isn't he sweet?
Confession is over...now back to reality...and tracking...and fitness...and sanity.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
I always say that we all have a path in life, all we have to do is just trust it and follow it. Then sometimes an unexpected turn brings you to new joys and the path is shifted...and the faith and trust is still there to be followed once again.
I was faced with my DH, an "almost" eagle scout, wanting to sign our son up for Cub Scouts, which is just fine. Then a friend of ours was going to sign up her son, especially if we signed up our son. The Cubmaster asked her to do the Den Leader thing, but she already had religion class to take care of. She mentioned it to me that they were looking for a leader and "Why don't you do it?" came out of her mouth.
Do you know that feeling you get when something is right, but all you need to do is jump in with 2 feet and just do it? The nagging feeling that it's not only the right thing to do, but it's a good thing that will affect a lot of people and that you have a lot to offer? That was my feeling. I slept on it. Talked to my DH about it. It's a huge committment that people shy away from - it can last 5 years, up through Boy Scouts even! It's scary! But that feeling was still there.
And then I thought about Sparkpeople. In Stage 4 they talk about challenging yourself in different ways, maybe with a new job or sport or craft or trip, or anything out of your comfort zone. I guess I was waiting for something to fall in my lap, or my path to turn, but I was waiting for something. Something big. I guess when the Cub Scout thing came across my path and that feeling was there, I knew that this was it and it was right.
I went to my first meeting with the Cubmaster and Asst Cubmaster to get things figured out and signed up...and after all that was done they sprung it on me....11 boys, each with their parent! That's 22 people to organize, talk to, lead! I left the meeting with a ton of materials to help me out, and a pat on the back with "Welcome to Scouting, you're gonna love it!"
I (have) had 5 days to get a meeting together - with crafts and motto's - the whole shabang!! I got home exhausted and cranky. DH was all "I told you it was a committment" - the fool agreed to be my co-leader, so I just told him to stuff a sock in it so I could get my head around everything. The next day was better, emails were sent to all in the den. Today is even better, now that a game plan is forming. I'm crafty, so this suits my strong points. DH is a teacher, so you know his strong points. Together, we are a good team and we don't take any foolish crap from kids, so I predict a good meeting, especially with the parents there as team players. They are there to learn respect
As each day passes, the oh-my god-what-did-I-get-myself-into jitters are being replaced by the excitement of a new adventure. I love that feeling. I wish I could bottle it up and put it on my shelf for those uber-crappy days that hit every so often.
So here I come Pack 438! Ready or not! You aren't gonna know what hit ya when ya get a load of me!
Monday, September 29, 2008
That was yesterday. When we got home from our 4 year and 6 year olds' soccer games, DH handed me a beer and said "we deserve this"....clink, clink....
Now - I think I can count on 2 fingers when me and DH both got tipsy in the last 12 years of knowing each other. LOL Can you say uber-uptight and in control? We usually designate who is going to drink because of the kids, driving...blah blah blah.... A beer, yeah sure, once in a while at the same time...but 4 each? LMAO We are such light weights it's NOT funny. The kids were hilarious - never have they seen mom and dad so relaxed and giggly. Watching football together was actually enjoyable for me! Now I know why beer and football go hand in hand...took me 12 years to figure that one out - duh!
As dinner time approached, we could feel the kids getting antsy, so we tossed around take-in Chinese, but it would take way too long...as it turns out, DH had pizza dough in the fridge - dinner problem solved! Next thing you know, my dad shows up...and then my sister and my nephew...a jar of sauce and a box of macaroni - WHALLAH - instant dinner party! Carbs carbs everywhere - oh, well. A good time was had by all...and all the party beer is now gone from my fridge - at last!
Party beer? What's that, you may ask. We all have it. You have a party, tons of people bring extra beer and never drink it or take it home, and you are left with a fridge full/basement full of the stuff. This particular beer was from August of this year...the stash before that was regifted to my sister for her son's August birthday - it was from my son's June birthday and cans were from my Aunt's Jubilee in April...nothing like spreading the wealth of skunky beer amongst family, especially the cans...yummy.
I will not lie - it was a crappy weekend of eating - all comfort foods. Homemade mac& cheese, chili, , pizza. I haven't had that stuff in months. Too let loose was a little bit liberating, but the calorie factor is an underlying current in my brain now. I've been officially brainwashed!! LOL I'm not complaining, just observing. To not be obsessive about it is on the fringe as well. DH even noticed that I'm not as "Sparky" as I was a month ago, which to me, at this moment, is a compliment. It means I'm doing things right. I'll own up to the fact that being anal about tracking helped me out a lot, but it drove my dh nuts (he will never say it to me, though).
Now to confess another thing - I am cheap. As some of you know, I was really trying to eeeke out as much wear from my size 12 pants as I could, even though I have recently gotten into a size 10. Well, yesterday, I could not hide the fact that I looked like an idiot. Big XL tshirt and baggy pants, even with a belt literally holding them up, looked just plain stupid. I have 2 pairs of size 10 pants - one jean, one black. One in the wash, the other too "fancy" for watching the kids or wear to a muddy soccer field. I gave away all my XL loungepants to my pregant SIL. Why did I only buy 2 pairs of size 10??? because I didn't know where I'd land and I'm cheap, but existing like this is just plain dumb. Foolish.
Soooooo the fool went to Old Navy - my place for jeans. Size 10 fit ok, but something happened in my brain. "Try the 8's" it said.
"Yeah right," the logical side of my brain said.
"You won't know if you don't try," it said again. So I tried. The damned things fit. Form fitting. No need for a belt. Not uncomfortable in the least. One word....bizarre. I'm wearing them now - 2 pair for $40. Bizarre.
4 pairs of pants in the rotation now - let's see how I do with that. A couple things in my closet have tags and may have to go back to the store because my body has changed since their purchase - another bizarre there too. Never done that before.
Writing this makes me feel like I've been in a Twilight Zone episode...things competely out of the norm. I guess that is what makes life interesting and sparky, and that is just fine.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Oh well!! I don't know who is more disappointed, me or the kids. We were looking forward to this trip for 2 months - a halloween adventure at Jellystone with new friends - trick or treating, a costume contest, site decorating - the whole bowl of candy corn! NOPE - It's a RAIN OUT!
So 20 pounds of candy, 4 sets of halloween lights for the tent...all down the drain. Literally. Now you may think - 20 pounds of candy? Just use it for halloween. Sure! great idea! Only problem here is that we get a total of 2 kids per year!!! NO JOKE! I hope the receipts are still in the bag. The candy has to go back.
We made the right decision too because it's pouring outside. The other family's sister and mom pulled out too - they have pop-ups too. Unfortunately - they rented a cabin and this place is super strict....no refunds or switching days. They sure know how to make money.
So here I sit...bumming out. Now I get to - clean my house and mop the floors because my youngest got a hold of a milk cup with no cap and splashed milk everywhere (fun)....go to work tomorrow morning (fun,.fun) ...have my inlaws over for the afternoon because we haven't seen them in a few weeks (fun fun fun)...the list of fun goes on and on....yay.
Bumming Annie needs to hit the TM bad. But alas, that too shall have to wait because the day of babysitting the cherubs has yet to begin. The more I write, the crappier I feel. It's going to be a looooong day if I don't snap out of it.
The good thing is that the day has just begun and I have the power to change it's outcome. Wish me luck.
Update from this morning's bumout....I had extra energy and angst so I rearranged 2 rooms in my house. Complete swap out of the sitting room and dining room - LOL! The kids were like, "What are you doing that for?" It entertained them and gave me a new sense of coziness that I guess I was longing for. Moved a buffet and piano all by myself!! Was easier than you think, being that we have wood floors. Slow & steady is all. Nothing like resting the eye on something new to give one a sense of peace and accomplishment - especially on a wind swept, rainy day. Made the kids clean up the trashed family room too. Ahhhh - peace has settled over the land again...
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Last Thursday was when I logged my food last because we went camping the next day...so when I got back, well, the "s" hit the fan and I just haven't had time - you know that old chestnut...MOM!! I NEED _____________!!!! Between that and being a football widow on Sunday & Monday, getting the laundry done and cleaning the house, and working...I've slacked on the tracker. Eating the same, just not inputting the stuff.
Now this phase of the SP plan should have been done back, oh - in MAY, but I wasn't there just yet, so the tracking continued up until last week. I can honestly say that I'm not flipping out over this at all. It feels like a natural progression really, which is a good thing. I'm growing up! LOL
I have to also say that if I don't get some TM time in/alone time - I'm a real bitch. From Thursday to yesterday - no me time even though we went camping...very bad, very bad. You'd think I'd be relaxed. I was flying off the handle at the kids and holding grudges against DH for watching foozeball. Like I said - being a bitch. It's amazing what a half hour yesterday at lunch on the treadmill did for me. I went to work that morning high strung and complaining...after lunch was a mellow girl and no complaining. Too funny. Boy, that sounds a bit like before and after you know what...whew! give me a cigarette, I'm spent!
Speaking of that - I treated myself to a trashy witch/demon novel for fun. I'm not in the mood for cerebral Jane Austen or Charlotte Bronte or Harry Potter right now. I needed something to get me through the football season and this one has 3 books, thank goodness. It's pretty good, so I"ll probably be done with it in 2 days! Nothing like a trashy novel. Best $7 I've spent in a long time! ROFL My brother is a writer, so delving into a new sci-fi book always makes me think of him. Where do they come up with some of this stuff?
But I digress...back to being mom again! It's 7am and the day has yet to begin! I need to get breakfast and clothes on the kiddies before 7:30 or I'm going to be off-track. The mom bus leaves the station promptly at 8am.
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