Monday, September 29, 2008
That was yesterday. When we got home from our 4 year and 6 year olds' soccer games, DH handed me a beer and said "we deserve this"....clink, clink....
Now - I think I can count on 2 fingers when me and DH both got tipsy in the last 12 years of knowing each other. LOL Can you say uber-uptight and in control? We usually designate who is going to drink because of the kids, driving...blah blah blah.... A beer, yeah sure, once in a while at the same time...but 4 each? LMAO We are such light weights it's NOT funny. The kids were hilarious - never have they seen mom and dad so relaxed and giggly. Watching football together was actually enjoyable for me! Now I know why beer and football go hand in hand...took me 12 years to figure that one out - duh!
As dinner time approached, we could feel the kids getting antsy, so we tossed around take-in Chinese, but it would take way too long...as it turns out, DH had pizza dough in the fridge - dinner problem solved! Next thing you know, my dad shows up...and then my sister and my nephew...a jar of sauce and a box of macaroni - WHALLAH - instant dinner party! Carbs carbs everywhere - oh, well. A good time was had by all...and all the party beer is now gone from my fridge - at last!
Party beer? What's that, you may ask. We all have it. You have a party, tons of people bring extra beer and never drink it or take it home, and you are left with a fridge full/basement full of the stuff. This particular beer was from August of this year...the stash before that was regifted to my sister for her son's August birthday - it was from my son's June birthday and cans were from my Aunt's Jubilee in April...nothing like spreading the wealth of skunky beer amongst family, especially the cans...yummy.
I will not lie - it was a crappy weekend of eating - all comfort foods. Homemade mac& cheese, chili, , pizza. I haven't had that stuff in months. Too let loose was a little bit liberating, but the calorie factor is an underlying current in my brain now. I've been officially brainwashed!! LOL I'm not complaining, just observing. To not be obsessive about it is on the fringe as well. DH even noticed that I'm not as "Sparky" as I was a month ago, which to me, at this moment, is a compliment. It means I'm doing things right. I'll own up to the fact that being anal about tracking helped me out a lot, but it drove my dh nuts (he will never say it to me, though).
Now to confess another thing - I am cheap. As some of you know, I was really trying to eeeke out as much wear from my size 12 pants as I could, even though I have recently gotten into a size 10. Well, yesterday, I could not hide the fact that I looked like an idiot. Big XL tshirt and baggy pants, even with a belt literally holding them up, looked just plain stupid. I have 2 pairs of size 10 pants - one jean, one black. One in the wash, the other too "fancy" for watching the kids or wear to a muddy soccer field. I gave away all my XL loungepants to my pregant SIL. Why did I only buy 2 pairs of size 10??? because I didn't know where I'd land and I'm cheap, but existing like this is just plain dumb. Foolish.
Soooooo the fool went to Old Navy - my place for jeans. Size 10 fit ok, but something happened in my brain. "Try the 8's" it said.
"Yeah right," the logical side of my brain said.
"You won't know if you don't try," it said again. So I tried. The damned things fit. Form fitting. No need for a belt. Not uncomfortable in the least. One word....bizarre. I'm wearing them now - 2 pair for $40. Bizarre.
4 pairs of pants in the rotation now - let's see how I do with that. A couple things in my closet have tags and may have to go back to the store because my body has changed since their purchase - another bizarre there too. Never done that before.
Writing this makes me feel like I've been in a Twilight Zone episode...things competely out of the norm. I guess that is what makes life interesting and sparky, and that is just fine.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Oh well!! I don't know who is more disappointed, me or the kids. We were looking forward to this trip for 2 months - a halloween adventure at Jellystone with new friends - trick or treating, a costume contest, site decorating - the whole bowl of candy corn! NOPE - It's a RAIN OUT!
So 20 pounds of candy, 4 sets of halloween lights for the tent...all down the drain. Literally. Now you may think - 20 pounds of candy? Just use it for halloween. Sure! great idea! Only problem here is that we get a total of 2 kids per year!!! NO JOKE! I hope the receipts are still in the bag. The candy has to go back.
We made the right decision too because it's pouring outside. The other family's sister and mom pulled out too - they have pop-ups too. Unfortunately - they rented a cabin and this place is super strict....no refunds or switching days. They sure know how to make money.
So here I sit...bumming out. Now I get to - clean my house and mop the floors because my youngest got a hold of a milk cup with no cap and splashed milk everywhere (fun)....go to work tomorrow morning (fun,.fun) ...have my inlaws over for the afternoon because we haven't seen them in a few weeks (fun fun fun)...the list of fun goes on and on....yay.
Bumming Annie needs to hit the TM bad. But alas, that too shall have to wait because the day of babysitting the cherubs has yet to begin. The more I write, the crappier I feel. It's going to be a looooong day if I don't snap out of it.
The good thing is that the day has just begun and I have the power to change it's outcome. Wish me luck.
Update from this morning's bumout....I had extra energy and angst so I rearranged 2 rooms in my house. Complete swap out of the sitting room and dining room - LOL! The kids were like, "What are you doing that for?" It entertained them and gave me a new sense of coziness that I guess I was longing for. Moved a buffet and piano all by myself!! Was easier than you think, being that we have wood floors. Slow & steady is all. Nothing like resting the eye on something new to give one a sense of peace and accomplishment - especially on a wind swept, rainy day. Made the kids clean up the trashed family room too. Ahhhh - peace has settled over the land again...
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Last Thursday was when I logged my food last because we went camping the next day...so when I got back, well, the "s" hit the fan and I just haven't had time - you know that old chestnut...MOM!! I NEED _____________!!!! Between that and being a football widow on Sunday & Monday, getting the laundry done and cleaning the house, and working...I've slacked on the tracker. Eating the same, just not inputting the stuff.
Now this phase of the SP plan should have been done back, oh - in MAY, but I wasn't there just yet, so the tracking continued up until last week. I can honestly say that I'm not flipping out over this at all. It feels like a natural progression really, which is a good thing. I'm growing up! LOL
I have to also say that if I don't get some TM time in/alone time - I'm a real bitch. From Thursday to yesterday - no me time even though we went camping...very bad, very bad. You'd think I'd be relaxed. I was flying off the handle at the kids and holding grudges against DH for watching foozeball. Like I said - being a bitch. It's amazing what a half hour yesterday at lunch on the treadmill did for me. I went to work that morning high strung and complaining...after lunch was a mellow girl and no complaining. Too funny. Boy, that sounds a bit like before and after you know what...whew! give me a cigarette, I'm spent!
Speaking of that - I treated myself to a trashy witch/demon novel for fun. I'm not in the mood for cerebral Jane Austen or Charlotte Bronte or Harry Potter right now. I needed something to get me through the football season and this one has 3 books, thank goodness. It's pretty good, so I"ll probably be done with it in 2 days! Nothing like a trashy novel. Best $7 I've spent in a long time! ROFL My brother is a writer, so delving into a new sci-fi book always makes me think of him. Where do they come up with some of this stuff?
But I digress...back to being mom again! It's 7am and the day has yet to begin! I need to get breakfast and clothes on the kiddies before 7:30 or I'm going to be off-track. The mom bus leaves the station promptly at 8am.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Yup...as some of you can see, I've lost a few more pounds in the past week, for whatever reason. Part being that I'm watching the dairy, part being that I'm exercising again and burning cals, part being that subconsciously I wasn't totally done, part being that I believe that there is an equilibrium that I'll eventually settle at and I'm not there yet....lots of little things.
It's weird to have dropped a few more because I just bought a bunch of new shirts that were slightly snug...I was 150 when I bought them, and to tell you the honest truth, they fit and look better 2 pounds lighter. At 150, I had the side pooch thing - love handles? - that I wasn't really thrilled with...2 pounds down and they were down too...not gone, just down. That makes me happy.
My closet has been completely redone and I can wear everything in it without cringing...that's something very foreign to me. I kept old and added some new, and I'm happy with that. I tossed yet another bag to goodwill - I think it's my 4th one. Trust me, there is still some to go, but I can use what's left to my advantage. I need shoes though....pretty bad.
This week at work, every single person was shocked to see me. I'm in the health field, so people see me sporadically. Every person was like, "Whoa! What have you been up to? You look great!"
We went to a party and I wore something I bought with my sister from Express - a blue fitted button down that had no gap-osis going on and a pair of black wide leg pants... I wore it to work and went right to the party...these are newer friends that we are socializing with now because of school...but I digress. I embraced form fitting clothes in public for the very first time. Talk about diving in with both feet. Our friends openly asked, so I talked about SP the whole time. Even my older friends are a little shocked.
I think my DH is going to throw up soon. I think my co-workers are going to throw up soon. They hear it all the time!
Anyway, I've kind of come to the conclusion that whatever will be, will be. Is maintaining hard? Sort of and yet not, at the same time...I have done it for 2 months. More food is weird to do, especially when you are so used to the "diet thing". Moderation with food and exercise is a balancing act. It's really a personal journey that takes a lot of trial and error. What's good for me, might not be good for you. Is dieting easier? As you can see - for me, yes, it is. Again, a very personal journey. If I knew back then, what I know now, I would have done this when I was 20.
If you think my body is some tight, muscular thing - you are so off base!
It is what it is - a six-pack of well defined fat attached to muscles - I'm just happy the spare tire is gone; arms that wave good-bye after I have stopped waving; cellulite and stretch marks are part of who I am - I accept that one with arms wide open. I don't think I need to go on, you get the picture.
So here's the deal with all this re-evaluation:
- I refuse to let myself go over 150 for the rest of my life if I can possibly help it.
- 150 is a good and happy place - I'm glad I maintained well there
- the uber-ultimate goal of a healthy BMI at 136 pounds is totally doable and if it happens to be my equilibrium spot, then so be it.
- I'm not deliberately dieting to get to 136.
- Just being in the 140s is a thrill for me and I LIKE IT!
I looks like Ms. Done might not be totally done.
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