Friday, October 31, 2008
If I could choose my costume to match my mental state right at this moment, it would be Scrooge.
Happy go lucky, busy with my world and then....duh duh duh (insert evil music here) my Dh talks to his parents about Halloween. It's not just Halloween, it could be Arbor day and there is going to be drama. Pick a holiday, any holiday - I dare you. There's a very long story here...which, unfortunately, I will not share because it is WAAAAY to complicated, confusing etc. etc. Writing it will probably get more confusing without having additional diagrams to demonstrate the mother in-law's mental baggage.
One day, I am going to explode my pent up opinions all over everyone who has pissed me off over the last ten years. I can feel it brewing up inside of me like a volcano. I feel like I want to hold a board meeting like you see on TV and go through each person and set them straight, one at a time. They are all linked together in their stupidity and selfishness, self-loathing and martyring behavior. They are all right, everyone else is completely wrong. Individually righteous. Individually stupid in my God honest opinion.
You might shoot back at me and say, "Well honey, you're being just like them." I can honestly say, without any pretense that I am not. I'm the one who keeps her head down and listens to the stupidity and watches it all go down in a ball of flames. I live my life and stay out of theirs. I'm the giver, the nurturer, the hearth tender, the steady one who is constant and sane...there for whomever wants to have sanity in their lives if they recognize and acknowledge that that is who I am. Some do, others not so much. Sounds saintly, huh? LMAO yeah right. Try more centered and content, that's all. Just stuck in the middle of drama and a little pissed off that that is where I am always put.
Boy that feels better. Don't you just love it when things are going fine and then BOOM CRASH! Drama. Stress. Crap. Family. Stupidity. All flares up at once like a bad haemorrhoid.
My horoscope said today that I'd feel stressed and want to voice my opinion, but to hold off and to let things play out like I usually do. Too funny to read that in the morning when you know things aren't all peachy keen.
Haven't had a b-blog in a while...unfortunately, this is how I keep my sanity and my eating under control. I'm sure we'll have more in the next few months! LOL ROFL!!!!
OK - feeling more myself and I think the costume I'd put on now instead of Scrooge would be....hmmmm....a Witch. Making potions in a cauldron. Waiting pateintly to see how the brew will turn out...
Friday, October 24, 2008
I'm just going to say that I ROCK at maintenance.
I have to pat myself on the back here, because if I don't, no one will! Well, I take that back...my SP buds will because your awesome!
Whenever I feel like I screwed the proverbial pooch, I seem to come back just fine. I'm calling it Magical Maintenance. Sure, can I workout a little more? Of course! Everyone should know by now that I have always hated to work out - even though I know it's good for me. But some is better than none, and I guess I do enough to maintain well. In my life, sitting down is a luxury...I'm on my feet and moving all day long (not ADHD...mom to 3 little kids)...so much so, that to relax is a stressful thing! Yup - I'm one of those! Last Monday I was on the computer doing emails for scouts for 4 hours and my tailbone was sore! Too funny.
To relax lately - I read my trashy novels. (just discovered these - what can I say - I'm too intellectual for my own good sometimes - I'm learning NOT to be). It plants my butt in one spot and gives me an escape for a half hour during the day. Don't think I don't watch TV either....my shows are back on (Thank god!) and I get to veg out before passing out for the night. DH has football - I have Ugly Betty and Gray's Anatomy...and now they have a new hunk to drool over...h-o-t...HOT!!
But I digress...things are good. Getting back to tracking helped me focus again...talking with my buds helped too...joining a new team...all good things that help. I love SP - thank god I found it when I did. Keeps me centered.
New things I tried this week - I RAN a HALF MILE!!!!!! RAN! first time really. and it felt good! The lunch hour walk is working out very well...skipped Tues because my body/brain was just tired from the weekend and I took a much needed powernap instead. Wed did 45 minutes instead of a half hour...did only 10 minutes on Thursday becuase of time constraints and tons of laundry. Ran up & down 2 flights of stairs all day instead - that counts for something, although hard to calculate on a tracker.
Today is Friday - a babysitting day for my 2 youngest and my nephew. Today is also a stability ball day - breaking it out with the kids and having some fun with it. It'll be something old-something new for them to play with and for me to workout on while they goof around. Finding those opportunities for fitness (for about the 1000th time). Hey - we do what we can - when we can. That is what this journey is all about.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Ahhh....I love life lessons.
"Honey, stop wrestling, someone is going to get hurt."
"Honey, please stop running, you're is going to get hurt."
"Honey, please stop teasing your brother, he's gonna hit you in defense."
.......the outcome, because they never stop when you tell them to, is a life lesson.
Same thing with this whole maintenance/weightloss journey....life lessons. You try something, you don't succeed, you try try try again. Never give up. One step back, two steps forward....always.
You'd think you would get sick of the roller coaster, but without the dips, there would be no inclines, and what fun is that? A boring rollercoaster for sure, that's what it is.
I'm back to tracking and did my second day of lunchtime treadmill. I've come to realize that that is the only me time I get with absolutely NO guilt. No kids. No hubby. All me. So for 3 days straight (Tues, Wed, Thurs)...TreadMill Me time and then the rest of the week will be random. That's just how it has to be for now. So far, so good. We'll see how next week will be. I think I've finally found my routine I was looking for. Took long enough!!! LOL
BTW - Thanks for all the support for my crazy month of non-tracking/stressfilled fun. It means a lot and that's what SP is all about. Thanks. Can't say it enough. Thanks.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
2 weeks without tracking and being Sparkfree....Sparkless....DeSparked...nice experiment, but I'm not ready to live there right now.
The last 2 weeks opened my eyes to a few things, which I will share with you now....
---I am a stress eater - BIGTIME! Becoming a Den leader to the Tiger Cubs was stressful, and those cookies I made the den didn't stand a chance! I'm embarrassed to say how many I even ate....10??? it was over 2 days, but still....I ate 'em.
--I eat when I PMS....is it that time...most likely. Add that to stress - not good.
---I had plenty of opportunities to workout, but I had so much stuff to do, I didn't...I opted for increasing my stress levels, when I know damn well that they would have been reduced and my head cleared by working out. I eventually did do that, but that was 8 cookies into the wreck already...oh well, at least I did something - finally.
---I think I gained 2 pounds...again, not surprised.
---I skulk by my scale when I feel upset with myself, like it won't show up, or it doesn't exist if I ignore it....I get on the stupid thing and confirm my guilt...and then I want an emotional pacifier of a cookie...don't worry, I'm not going to do that one. Been there, done that 8 months back.
---I'm not going to beat myself up over this because it just isn't worth it. S&iT happens....
So there you have it. I admit it....I am NOT PERFECT!!!!!! I tried to be Sparkfree, but, at this moment, I cannot. The first week was unintentional and fine, the second week with the new stress, was not so fine.
There is something very freeing saying all this outloud. It's back to the tracker and back to my fitness....to be scheduled and not missed out on because of Cub Scout stress, or work stress for that matter as well - for heaven's sake! How ridiculous is that! Where has my head been? Up my keester, that's where! What's funny about all this, is that my father and my husband noticed that I was slacking and not tracking...how funny is that? Dad told me to get back on it...because "it works and helps me be the best me I can be". That's a direct quote from my Dad....isn't he sweet?
Confession is over...now back to reality...and tracking...and fitness...and sanity.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
I always say that we all have a path in life, all we have to do is just trust it and follow it. Then sometimes an unexpected turn brings you to new joys and the path is shifted...and the faith and trust is still there to be followed once again.
I was faced with my DH, an "almost" eagle scout, wanting to sign our son up for Cub Scouts, which is just fine. Then a friend of ours was going to sign up her son, especially if we signed up our son. The Cubmaster asked her to do the Den Leader thing, but she already had religion class to take care of. She mentioned it to me that they were looking for a leader and "Why don't you do it?" came out of her mouth.
Do you know that feeling you get when something is right, but all you need to do is jump in with 2 feet and just do it? The nagging feeling that it's not only the right thing to do, but it's a good thing that will affect a lot of people and that you have a lot to offer? That was my feeling. I slept on it. Talked to my DH about it. It's a huge committment that people shy away from - it can last 5 years, up through Boy Scouts even! It's scary! But that feeling was still there.
And then I thought about Sparkpeople. In Stage 4 they talk about challenging yourself in different ways, maybe with a new job or sport or craft or trip, or anything out of your comfort zone. I guess I was waiting for something to fall in my lap, or my path to turn, but I was waiting for something. Something big. I guess when the Cub Scout thing came across my path and that feeling was there, I knew that this was it and it was right.
I went to my first meeting with the Cubmaster and Asst Cubmaster to get things figured out and signed up...and after all that was done they sprung it on me....11 boys, each with their parent! That's 22 people to organize, talk to, lead! I left the meeting with a ton of materials to help me out, and a pat on the back with "Welcome to Scouting, you're gonna love it!"
I (have) had 5 days to get a meeting together - with crafts and motto's - the whole shabang!! I got home exhausted and cranky. DH was all "I told you it was a committment" - the fool agreed to be my co-leader, so I just told him to stuff a sock in it so I could get my head around everything. The next day was better, emails were sent to all in the den. Today is even better, now that a game plan is forming. I'm crafty, so this suits my strong points. DH is a teacher, so you know his strong points. Together, we are a good team and we don't take any foolish crap from kids, so I predict a good meeting, especially with the parents there as team players. They are there to learn respect
As each day passes, the oh-my god-what-did-I-get-myself-into jitters are being replaced by the excitement of a new adventure. I love that feeling. I wish I could bottle it up and put it on my shelf for those uber-crappy days that hit every so often.
So here I come Pack 438! Ready or not! You aren't gonna know what hit ya when ya get a load of me!
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