Friday, December 12, 2008
I love baking!!! Can't eat a lick of it, but I love to bake.
It is my kryptonite - every goodie that comes out of my oven needs sampling, or so I thought a month ago. I had a lick of icing a few weeks back, and my gut did a 360 and I felt like crap in less than 30 seconds...can we way processed & refined sugars? Add that to the list of things that I absolutely love, but cannot eat any more. First it was ice cream, then cheesecake, then icing...now add chocolate to the list and certain cookies and my apple pie. I have to consider them as allergies, which absolutely SUCKS, because I love all things that are sweet and processed and refined. Natural sugars...no problem there, so I can still get a sweet in here and there.
I guess this is a blessing in disguise, because now I won't have all of those extra calories, but having to accept that is hard to take, especially around the holidays, when things are so abundant and tempting. Rats. Maybe writing it down here will help me deal with this issue. Today is a baking day - the goal is to keep things out of my mouth so I can feel good before I go to bed. Baby steps.
Beside that...things here are holiday crazy, just like everyone else on here! Sparking is on hold because I am so busy, and I miss chatting and hitting the boards, but we can't always spend time on the computer - the gifts won't wrap themselves...which reminds me, still has to be done.
Catching up after Christmas is what I'm looking forward to. Getting back into working out, and visiting, and relaxing with the family while the kids play with all their toys and let me and DH veg out together on the couch...now that is a holiday dream I can wrap my head around. LOL Ahhhh....(sigh)...that's a Christmas wish that I think can make come true.
But right now....I've got to defrost my butter and get my oldest to school...Ahhh, the life of a mom, gotta love it!!!
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Insomnia update...it's over! At last. Boy, my subconscious must have had something big going on and it all worked itself out. After my shows last night and putting the 2 yo to bed (I tried going down with the other 2 kids, but the little guy wanted mommy), I actually fell fast asleep. Sure, I was woken up by the 2 yo and went up to the spare bed with him in a huff, a rare thing to, but sleep deprivation calls for drastic measures....but at least I slept 7 full hours.
No midnight workout necessary! LOL
BTW - I loved everyone's responses to my sleep crisis! And as for the facebook thing...totally using it as a fun goof around thing. Right now, my HS alumni are all joining facebook like crazy...like someone spread the word that it's the place to be and do. I'm not one for peer pressure, so I'm using it as fun and only befriending people who actually spoke to me in HS. I can see how some people get addicted to that stuff - hey look at us here on SP!! LOL I think I'll keep SP as my place of permanent addiction - it's way healthier for me.
So that's the update people - thanks again for the support!!
Love you guys!!!
PS - ELK - It's what's for dinner.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
I can't sleep for the last 2 nights...my mind is racing. I did that stupid free tarot card reading online and now my brain won't shut off. My HS friends visited on Fri, and we had a great time...they are all on facebook, so I joined facebook and now I can't sleep. Is it because I actually know people there? And the requests for adding friends is totally weird because some of these people I barely said 2 words to in HS and then there are some I don't ever want to talk to again for the rest of my life! Or is it time to become the bigger person and let things in the past stay there?
Here's the thing about me and HS....I was the geek... the fly on the wall with no boyfriend...the smart girl that no one wanted to be with "in that way" for whatever reason. I knew that I was the marrying type - even back then, so I guess it never bugged me when I never had a boyfriend. Sure - I had my good friends - we still are very good friends and I wouldn't change that for the world...but then there were the others that really could care less...or they cared about themselves way more than they ever cared about me, or even if I existed. And then there were the jerks - everyone has them. Now they are asking to be my "friend" when I really want to just ask "why? Why now?" Is it to add me to the alumni list and rack it up or is it to spy on my life? one of these people is in the latter category, and I have to think about this hard.
So that's what is keeping me awake. It's so much easier to come to SP - where everyone is more "distant" and yet sympathetic/empathetic, than to open up to people I once knew. Let's face it. They know me in some form or another, just like you, but when physical contact and personal space has been breeched - even so long ago...it changes everything. I like my SP buds...no past or present judgements.
Computer is dying and it's midnight...gotta go to sleep...if I can.
Edited on the morning after.....sleep and comments give new perspective on the issue.
The whole FB thing is almost a non-issue...I lived fine before....it changes nothing except keeping me in the loop with my alumni. The aforementioned person...well, he knows my feelings about the situation - for goodness sake, I certainly gave him an earful when we met up in college, and I have to actually thank the dope for hurting my feelings because then I wouldn't be friends with my best friends from HS now. Forgiveness comes in time....I guess this was the time for me. I'm probably the only one with the issue, so I should just let it go.
Thanks for the perspective everyone...it helped a lot.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Sometimes, we have to accept things the way they are for right now.
It doesn't mean we give up or give in. It doesn't mean that we don't care about ourselves.
For the last month (let's face that one head on) - my good intentions of exercise have come up flat....I've flat lined in that department, big time. 180 minutes in total for this month. I've gone thru the emotions and self-beatings, but things have to be said plainly - not as an excuse, but more as plain fact - that life gets in the way sometimes.
Looking back on all my exercise tracking - I see holes - all where a month dropped out of sight because I was being a Mom, a wife, a sister, a daughter an office manager, a volunteer. All wonderful things that make me happy and make my world go 'round. So why am I going to beat myself up over this month, at this time?
Is it because of the holiday season - when everyone is talking about possible failure and/or game plans and strategies for getting thru them without failure? Am I being a self sabbateaur (is that even a word?) and blowing it way out of proportion to make myself feel like a failure - even though I am not? So many silly questions that are just plain that....silly.
Sometimes our best intentions get blown out of the water. I know - people will shoot back at me and say "you are the one in control of that" - but before I get shot down...look at where you are in your own life before throwing that first stone. Sometimes life does get in the way of our good intentions for ourselves...it's not a permanent thing, just a delay of our plan. For most of us (I hope) this is going to be a loooong life, and a looong journey to find ourselves and keep ourselves healthy and fit; and to beat ourselves up over one month of lost good intentions is just plain silly in this giant journey of our lives.
So for right now - my busy life is OK. I will not lose sight of the journey or what I've done to get where I am now. I will get back to my 10 minutes a day in due time...without any attached guilt. I will get another stability ball - my DH owes me a new one after he let the kids pop my other one...and I will not wait for Xmas to get it.
Soccer has ended (hooray!) and that is my weekend back, which means another shift in the sand to get through. Cub scouts really isn't all that time consuming as it was in the beginning,,,,it's not that bad, reallly. Work is what it is...things will pick up. Christmas shopping will get done, and if I forego my 10 minute TM intention at lunch to get a money saving deal while the kids are in school - then so be it. Will I eat apple pie at my in-laws? hell yeah! Will I eat a large piece, no not really...I can feel my insides getting sick already with all the fats from the day. Will I prepare for the day by drinking my water and taking my vitamin - yup, you bet. Will I beat myself up for living my life...no way in hell.
On a quick side note - which has something to do with my MIL and my early journey into SP. When I was preggers with my 3rd, she told me that I would probably gain the weight back, even though I was having a great pregnancy (nice huh?) that thought she put in my head crushed me, even though she probably didn't mean to.... but I digress...My MIL came over for Sunday breakfast the other day. We had not seen each other in a few months, believe it or not. Her first comment to me was this "wow, you look great! Have you lost more weight?" My response was, "no, I'm maintaining 146 pretty well for the last 4 months. That's the hardest part of the whole thing." She replied, "yeah, I know. How do I look? I gained 10 of the 40 I lost. It's not what I'm eating, it's how much, and for some reason, I just have a hard time with it." I actually felt sad for her, because of her yo-yo dieting tendencies. I've seen her go up and down 4 times in the last 12 years. Emotional eating, stress eating, no exercise, heart meds...the whole enchilada. Guess what she's getting for Xmas? A Leslie Sansone video and a hug from me.
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