Sunday, June 14, 2009
Yesterday I was away from my family WHOLE entire day! On Friday I dropped them off at the campsite and then went home to sleep...Saturday was an all day bridal showe/hangout with my high school friends...this morning was back to the campground to pack up the family.
While I was away from them, I had a BLAST! I drove the 3 of us into the shower, we met our friend and his beautiful bride (whom we've only met once before) and had a great time...later we went to the store for food and continued to hang out at my house until late. I looked good...felt great...except for ONE moment before our meal...
So lunch was more like dunch. We ate around 3:30 - usually no big deal because appetizer trays came around. I've been good every since I had a high stress bile duct sludge attack episode last week that I didn't blog about, but I digress. I drank my water all day long, but out of the blue - something felt wrong.
My heart felt like it was skipping a beat, my breathing became strange...I didn't want to alert my friends (both bride & groom are doctors for goodness sake and sitting right there)...so I went to the bathroom a few times. Once to stretch, another to pee (and see if I had an upset stomach - sort of), another to calm down. I knew I had to eat something - could have been low blood sugar because my eating was off, and then the dinner finally came....drenched in butter, of course!
I ate 3/4 of the the chicken...that's it and then felt better. My friend Steph (hey hon if you read this)...I think she picked up on it. My friend Fred (the doc) (hey dude if you read this) kept looking to see if I was eating anything off my plate...you know when you catch someone looking in between glasses to see your plate..he did that. I don't know if he caught on to how I was feeling or just making sure I eat in general - LOL! I totally skipped dessert, but had coffee. Anyway - the feeling passed and I felt better by the time we left. Much, much better. Normal, in fact. Weird, huh?
I told Steph later that I felt weird....and yes, she did pick up on it after all. We've only known each other for 20 years. LOL
So today, I went to pick up hubby & the kids from camping. My hubby was telling me his day (in order, of course) and he's been known to have anxiety attacks in the last few months under certain situations (checked out & all's fine, that's how we know), and guess what...while his parents were visiting him and talking about a particular subject...he started having an anxiety attack.
The time of this attack started around 3:30...the same time I was not feeling well 50 miles away!!!!! Coincidence???? I THINK NOT!!
Talk about WEIRD!!! We've been married 10 years this year. I joke to everyone that we share a brain. I guess we share a heart too.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Hubby's butt is finally on the mend! What a thing to write!! LOL
His stitches came out yesterday & he's been more active, yet still "tender". That being said, he's going back to work tomorrow b/c he's going stircrazy and needs closure to the end of the school year...which is very good.
Anyway...this weekend is going to be a different one. High school friends are all in town this weekend for a shower - YAY!! I'm so excited! DH and the kids will be camping out east and I will be hanging with my friends on Saturday. I'm betting money that I'll be driving to and from the campground a few times, but to spend time with my friends will be worth it. I deserve this break.
So now I have to get to bed. Busy day at work (hopefully) tomorrow....I'm being proactive there because work is so sporadic. Hopefully, this too shall pass.& things will pick up. Fingers crossed.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
So much has gone on the the last half month - you would not believe!
First things first - my husband had a HUGE cyst and 2 fistulas removed from his behind. Yes, I said it correctly - tush, behind, butt - pick a word, it still had to be done and he's just fine and recovering 10 to 14 days until the sutures come out, but let's face it, a lot of stuff is falling on me now and in the end - I get the pain in the ass, not him!
Second - up to the surgery, I had to prepare a pack night for the whole troop on the same day as the surgury! No kidding! Great timing huh? Lots of things going on, like I said. This project was the equivalent to a very large presentation for a board of CEO's - except I don't get paid for it at all. Nada. Nothing. At all.
Lots of prep...lots of worry over hubby...lots of prep for what I'm doing with the kids...lots of stress....which in turn turns to LOTS OF STRESS EATING!!! I felt like a bottomless pit! You name it, I ate it (within reason, of course). I actually missed my period and had to take a pregnancy test because everything was so out of the ordinary and I was so ravenous!! Just imagine that one! LOL (no, I'm not prego...my IUD just kicked into not-period mode, which is totally normal to happen. Funny how it happened now though!)
So that's what's been going on in my world. Now things are calming down - somewhat. Hubby's recovery means that I have to get tons done because life doesn't stop. He's helpful yet can't push it too much or else he will be useless even longer than the recovery time.
Scouts is almost over, which is good too. One more meeting and one more pack night.
Today daycare has the kids & today is my day to play catch-up on all the house stuff once I get off of here - mow lawn, clean pool - stuff that I usually DON'T do! LOL
FYI - Realizing that the stress eating thing was a problem was eyeopening. I know I do it, but WHOA! I have to reign this horse in. Today. NOW.
So off I go to mow my lawn and drink my water and pee all day long in between. Come join me on the saddle! It's fun! LoL
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Today was really cool when I opened SP and found out I was motivator of the day...for a few reasons:
#1 - I had no idea they even did that until about a month ago, in fact I missed a good buds day about a month ago (still feel bad about that one Oak - you know I would have thrown a ticker tape parade on that day)
#2 - the past week has been SOOOOOO crazy hectic, I've been off of the SP radar since my last blog on the 11th....it was nice to see some visitors on the old page! LOL
#3 - this world is waaaaay cooler than Facebook.
You might wonder why I even say that. Well, for one, I am me here. Totally. I pose no fronts, I hold nothing back. If you want my opinion - I will give it with a warm heart and helping hand. On SP - people see more "me" than even my family does. My emotions are put on display easier here than there. They knew me in different phases, but the whole time of being in those phases, I was the person I am - right here, right now. Does that even make sense to you? It's hard to explain. The self conscious, low self esteem person they knew - which at times with them was not the case on the outside - was there the whole time on the inside. Here at SP, the self conscious, low self-esteem side of me has emerged into someone new...more self assured, more self esteem, more self worth... than ever before. Does that make sense to you now?
So on FB, do you think I have posted any real heavy pics of myself??? 20 or so years has gone by with some of these people...some 15 years...some 10-12 years. All of those markers, I can honestly say were heavy markers - aside from my wedding when I was 154 (a low weight) and stuffed into my wedding dress. My good high school friends - my core group of 4 - they have seen me go up & down...they don't judge, but are happy for me...and I for them however they are because I love them with all my heart. But the question is still on the table...have I posted any real heavy pics of myself? The answer is an ambiguous "not really."
High school pics are up by other people - I am thinner now than I was then, so there you go.
College pics from College #1 - nope - none are up...kinda want to not display that era of stupidity if you catch my drift. LOL
College pics from College #2 - none yet, but then again, there weren't many taken with my friends b/c we didn't carry around cameras like today....I take that back - a few are up, but I'm hiding a lot.
Wedding pics - one is up of me & my core HS friends.
Prego pics - none up yet.
Post partum pics - one or 2 where I look 165 and haggard & then I went right back up again.
My good HS friends know what I'm up to...in fact one is here...and if you read this Steph...I love ya girl! My good bud Fred knows my secret too...he cheers me on from afar. I told one FB & HS friend my weight journey, but not my secret.
Another FB friend has a weight hiding secret on FB as well...she's lost about 50 pounds & she is a patient in my office....we joke about not revealing our heavyweight secrets on FB...but part of me is almost ready to say...."you know what, so what!!!" and to come out of the closet for good. I'm ready to post a pic labeled "yeah, that's me" and leave it there for all to see.
Is it the anonymity of SP that gives us this freedom to express ourselves and to find ourselves amongst our own baggage? Is it the paralyzing judgement of our peers on FB that freezes us into non-action of something as silly as posting pics of ourselves in an unflattering light?
I'm so sensitive to other people's self-images that I ask them permission before posting pics of them on FB, because that is what I would want them to do for me...and I've held back on family members' pics for just that reason.
Anyway....I didn't mean this to wax so philosophical on you, but I guess it was on my mind. I have Sparkpeople as a fav on my FB page, but noone has asked me about it thusfar.
I'd love to shout it out on FB that I was SP Motivator of the day too, because that made my week...but that will have to wait until some reunions come about.
In the meantime...thanks SparkPeople...thanks for being such a great website and support system for sooooo many people out there. I can't think of my life without you.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Happy Post-Mother's day to you! It was great yesterday, however, I unfortunately have reap the aftereffects which come with the day....oh what fun!
You might be wondering why I say this? Well, my good sparkbuddies know that I can't eat certain things: ice cream, cheese cake, cake icing, any abundance of chocolate - basically refined sugars and everything thing that I absolutely love.
So here's my gripe with my own body today: I had HALF a brownie at noon (big woop) and then at 7pm, I made a banana cream pie with SKIM milk, but used real whipped cream - maybe I ate 1/4 cup of the bad fats - BOOM - this morning I feel like crap! Ugh! It has to be the refined sugars, because I ate nothing out of the ordinary - and from my tracking, the fats& carbs were a little high for the dieting zone, but totally OK for maintenance range and I BARELY went out of the maintenance range.
So that's that. I'm done with desserts for good. They make me feel like crap. I LOVE to bake to, but I guess it's going to be will power over the urge to eat because this just stinks. What is funny to me about this whole thing is that I never seem to learn! LOL Whenever I think I'm OK, I'm not. Better off not having it in my book. I feel like a healthnut even talking like this, but I think I'm going to be sticking with natural sugars from now on.
I'm sure there is some technical & medical term involving blood sugars spiking & whatnot, the function on the liver/pancreas/speen, etc. which, honestly, I know all about, but REALLY! can't a girl just have one stinkin' brownie God???!!!???
Ok - I feel better. Now back to the old recovery grind of water water water & eating light today w/ low fats and fruits & veggies. Hahaha - I might make 136 after all!! LOL! Gotta see the water bottle as half full...always!
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