Thursday, October 01, 2009
First and foremost...have to applaude Glamour magazine for listening to it's readers...hopefully they will continue to change the magazine industry and NOT just make REAL WOMEN models a flash in the pan. Check out the link and read on...
I titled this "perceptions" because we always perceive ourselves differently...I recently learned something...when someone looks at you: they do not see your weight that you actually are: in their eyes, you weigh less. If you dare, test out my theory - you might be pleasantly surprised. Several people I love and respect have told me to stop losing because I was perfect at 120. Hello - I am 142.
Anyway...I'm here to get something off of my chest...again...
The perceptions of how people view you in the world. It sometimes pisses me off, so here I go...
The "invisible person syndrome" - it's not just for the heavy...
When you are heavier...you THINK you are invisible to the world because of your own mental crap, so you become "invisible" - no pics of you, you WANT to hide, so you do. (go ahead and argue with me, but you know I'm right if you've been there)
So you lose the weight....WHILE you are on the journey, well, the praise is ENDLESS and LOVELY and AWESOME...you LOVE it and the perception of that praise keeps you going on that journey...lots of YAY! YOU! and THAT's GREAT!...and it is, use it and carry on because you might NOT like this next part...
Goal means maintenance....goal here can be a plateau even...you are stuck, nothing is changing....OR you are now where you want to be and are perceived as "normal" in the world: You can buy off the rack, any size you want that looks good on you...and then, after a while the PRAISE STOPS.
Holy cow! POOF! I am invisible again.
This is what I mean by "invisible again"...(this pertains to the real world here, not SP where praise is what makes us stay) ---- the conversation about weightloss has gotten old to those you live with, people you see everyday are not interested in hearing it again..the only praise coming down the pike is if you happen to stumble across someone who hasn't seen you in forever. This is what you wanted and strived for and now you are here. You are on your own...and that is scary.
And when you are scared, we can lose sight of big picture of why we are here in the first place...and then slip, and then fall and the rollercoaster begins again. Others might want you to slip & fall too - they might not ever say it, but they think it. So HOW do we keep our footing when we perceive ourselves as "fallen" or "invisible" again.
It's so mental. Let's be real - from the moment you began this journey, it was ALL you and ALL mental. It always will be. When the kudos goes away, you are left to your own devices and part of that is learning and relearning about our own self-worth and our OWN perceptions of how we are to be in the world. Mental. Mental strength. We can work our muscles until they are bulging, but if we are not working our minds at the same time and embracing the stages we are going through, it might be for naught.
So that is what's been on my mind.
If anyone thinks that this journey is easier for some than others....your perception is way off. The grass is never greener in someone else's yard...it's just another type of crabgrass you are looking at.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
It seems all I have done for the last 2 days is talk about clothes and boobs and bras and shopping, and to my friends, the fact that I am on an austerity budget b/c it seems like all the bills hit this month when we have no $$$ in the bank b/c of how the hubby's paychecks are doled out this month...Oh well....so I must confess...I charged...again...but I HAD to!!!! I had 30% off at Kohl's and nothing fits!! It's a NEED at this point, not a want.
Anyway...as the title says, I took pants into the fitting room size 8 and a 6 just for fun...8s were BIG and loose...the 6 fit perfectly!
I have never been a 6 since I was that AGE! I am in total shock!!
The reason I went today, besides the discount, was that I worked only in the morning and the pants I was wearing was a 10 and belted to the last loop on the belt...so so sad. And what a surprise I got!!! Woooohooooo!!!
So I bought a jean, a cargo, and a tight $4 clearance stretch jean in an 8 to goof around in...and a few long sleeve cottton medium tops for fall. I think I'm OK for fall clothes now...I think.
And VS - well, I returned the 36C and got the 38Bin a different style that fit even nicer and learned that the 2 sizes are "sister" sizes - who'd have known!!!!!! I guess for different bra styles, that's all. So there's hope ladies...the girls don't totally disappear after all...they just get renamed!!
Monday, September 21, 2009
So with all this weight loss, the girls have finally taken a big hit. I've lost inches around my chest and back, but was always a C cup...lately, the cup has not runneth over, so I took a drive to return my new bra at VS...it's been confirmed...38B
And to make matters worse, I didn't have my receipt, so the bra I returned (IPEX) was discontinued and I only got $13 back...
AAAAND I'm bloated and pms pissy, so trying on bras was not as fun as I'd have liked it to be...wished I was more of a 36C...Whaaaaa!!!!
But as with anything - I always see the positive when faced with a new reality:
- #1 I have 2 healthy boobs, and that in and of itself is a blessing, so I will not complain.
- #2 There are things out there that make you look like you still have Cs sitting where the Bs now are.
- #3 I now have that thing, thanks to my VS credit card
So that's that. My day in a nutshell....or should I say, "cupshell"
PS - HERE"S THE KICKER!!!! I just open the VS bag - she gave me a 36C!!! I tried it on - it fits, sort of...to take it back is a PITA...it's a bit too tight though, although...maybe it will be a motivational tool... Hmmmmmm....must think...I am going to add the girl was a twit and overrun with people....easy mistake to make I guess. Geez! Still no bra!
Monday, September 14, 2009
There are a few things that I just have to finally get out of my head - it may upset some people, but these are just observations I have made - from SP and my life. "Heavy" and "thin" are just terms I'm using for generalities made. These thoughts have been rolling around in my head for months...I think it's time to let the universe in on it.
- Going from being thin to heavy (whether over time, age, emotional eating, whatever - could be 5 or 15 pounds + gained or way more): people are generally very negative about their body image, and constantly verbally beat themselves up...they see what "once was" was and dislike themselves now. Those who are working at it & at being healthy are better copers than those who do nothing about it at all.
- Going from always heavy to thin (weight range...just pick one b/c it doesn't matter)- people are very upbeat and supportive of everyone in general, they appreciate the journey that was made and make each day count
- Going from heavy to thin to heavy again (I'm talking major yo-yoers here): the emotional and mental part here is the hardest of all...the self confidence and self love to keep it off, well, was it ever found? There are many that fall into this category - it's wide ranging with it's miriad of reasons for the yo-yo...hard to even write about.
- Going from thin and unfit - to thin and fit - or just thin in general: a category I've observed only slightly because I can/could not relate to the thin part of it all - ever. BUT - what I've seen sort of makes me upset. Please please please...do not beat yourselves up over a bit of cellulite or the fact the your size 2 or 4 jeans are snug. You are envied by many who struggle to even get to 150 or even 200 for that matter. Be healthy and fit - that's all you have to do.
- The "fitness junkies" - thin or heavy, it doesn't matter - love and respect you people a lot...but don't beat yourselves up over a bad eating day please, especially if it's once in a blue moon. And make sure you eat enough cals too or your body won't give up those pounds you want gone.
- Age as a factor - "If I knew at 16, what I know now...." Accepting the aging process is a part of life...and from what I've observed, we can fight the age clock with diet and exercise, BUT to beat yourself up over 10 lbs gained because you had a baby and you are 30 is a little silly, not to mention counterproductive...the body tends to change every ten years...expect it and embrace it and take it from there...which leads me to the next....
- Body acceptance - whatever your body is right now, guess what...it's yours. It does many wonderful things and we have to acknowledge that in order to take care of it properly...AND it can do many wonderful things if challenged, whatever weight you are, whevever your physical starting point is. It's a major starting point for self-love & it took me a long time to figure that one out.
- This last one is my deal...which might be someone else's deal too...Being on the "thin" end of the spectrum is weird at times...to hear someone you love beat themselves up because they gained some weight is a little hard, and in the same breath they call you skinny is really a mind trip. How do I deal with that?
It's happening more and more...with my sister and my friends. Please note: I was always the quiet, heavy friend. I guess it is their issue because, I hate to tell them, it looks like this body is not done losing it's weight. I'm striving for healthy eating and fitness so I don't feel sick and it's working just fine. Going off of my lifestyle reaps havoc on my system...this is my normal. It is what it is.
Anyway - those were just some observations and reflections - which will probably change in the next year. They overlap here and there, and there are loopholes I'm sure...but like I said, they are general observations from life and from SP pages and boards.
My wish for everyone on the planet is to LOVE themselves as they are, because if you don't love yourself first and foremost, how can you truly love another?
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