ANNIEONLI   46,086
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Thursday, October 01, 2009

First and foremost...have to applaude Glamour magazine for listening to it's readers...hopefully they will continue to change the magazine industry and NOT just make REAL WOMEN models a flash in the pan. Check out the link and read on...

I titled this "perceptions" because we always perceive ourselves differently...I recently learned something...when someone looks at you: they do not see your weight that you actually are: in their eyes, you weigh less. If you dare, test out my theory - you might be pleasantly surprised. Several people I love and respect have told me to stop losing because I was perfect at 120. Hello - I am 142.

Anyway...I'm here to get something off of my chest...again...

The perceptions of how people view you in the world. It sometimes pisses me off, so here I go...

The "invisible person syndrome" - it's not just for the heavy...

When you are THINK you are invisible to the world because of your own mental crap, so you become "invisible" - no pics of you, you WANT to hide, so you do. (go ahead and argue with me, but you know I'm right if you've been there)

So you lose the weight....WHILE you are on the journey, well, the praise is ENDLESS and LOVELY and LOVE it and the perception of that praise keeps you going on that journey...lots of YAY! YOU! and THAT's GREAT!...and it is, use it and carry on because you might NOT like this next part...

Goal means maintenance....goal here can be a plateau are stuck, nothing is changing....OR you are now where you want to be and are perceived as "normal" in the world: You can buy off the rack, any size you want that looks good on you...and then, after a while the PRAISE STOPS.

Holy cow! POOF! I am invisible again.

This is what I mean by "invisible again"...(this pertains to the real world here, not SP where praise is what makes us stay) ---- the conversation about weightloss has gotten old to those you live with, people you see everyday are not interested in hearing it again..the only praise coming down the pike is if you happen to stumble across someone who hasn't seen you in forever. This is what you wanted and strived for and now you are here. You are on your own...and that is scary.

And when you are scared, we can lose sight of big picture of why we are here in the first place...and then slip, and then fall and the rollercoaster begins again. Others might want you to slip & fall too - they might not ever say it, but they think it. So HOW do we keep our footing when we perceive ourselves as "fallen" or "invisible" again.

It's so mental. Let's be real - from the moment you began this journey, it was ALL you and ALL mental. It always will be. When the kudos goes away, you are left to your own devices and part of that is learning and relearning about our own self-worth and our OWN perceptions of how we are to be in the world. Mental. Mental strength. We can work our muscles until they are bulging, but if we are not working our minds at the same time and embracing the stages we are going through, it might be for naught.

So that is what's been on my mind.

If anyone thinks that this journey is easier for some than others....your perception is way off. The grass is never greener in someone else's's just another type of crabgrass you are looking at.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OAKBORN 10/1/2009 11:27AM

I love your blogs, they so often just bring me home... and nail points so directly to the wall!

Hadn't thought about the perceptions this way, but you are sooo right my friend.

BTW, you sox are done. Will try to mail today or tomorrow!

Keep on keepin' on sister!


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ONTHEGOMO 10/1/2009 11:14AM

    Right on about the perceptions. I agree totally.

Which is maybe why I keep coming to Spark. It's wonderful that it is here. We can talk about weight and body issues forever!! Love it.

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SIZE 6 - yes...a 6!!! HOLY CR@P!!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

It seems all I have done for the last 2 days is talk about clothes and boobs and bras and shopping, and to my friends, the fact that I am on an austerity budget b/c it seems like all the bills hit this month when we have no $$$ in the bank b/c of how the hubby's paychecks are doled out this month...Oh I must confess...I charged...again...but I HAD to!!!! I had 30% off at Kohl's and nothing fits!! It's a NEED at this point, not a want. the title says, I took pants into the fitting room size 8 and a 6 just for fun...8s were BIG and loose...the 6 fit perfectly!

I have never been a 6 since I was that AGE! I am in total shock!!

The reason I went today, besides the discount, was that I worked only in the morning and the pants I was wearing was a 10 and belted to the last loop on the so sad. And what a surprise I got!!! Woooohooooo!!! emoticon

So I bought a jean, a cargo, and a tight $4 clearance stretch jean in an 8 to goof around in...and a few long sleeve cottton medium tops for fall. I think I'm OK for fall clothes now...I think.

And VS - well, I returned the 36C and got the 38Bin a different style that fit even nicer and learned that the 2 sizes are "sister" sizes - who'd have known!!!!!! I guess for different bra styles, that's all. So there's hope ladies...the girls don't totally disappear after all...they just get renamed!! emoticon

emoticon emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IAMLION 9/28/2009 6:56AM

    a new and smaller size for you! That is awesome!!! emoticon
This is our tight $$$$ side of the calendar due to all the holidays, birthdays and camping trips or and vehicle taxes etc... I am in desperate need of new bras and shirts and am heavily leaning on hitting the card so I can get three or four new shirts for work. We'll see how it goes.

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JULIAGIS 9/25/2009 7:08PM

    Hey! Wonderful news! Congratulations. I still have my size 6 jeans from when I was 15 pounds lighter. Don't wanna get rid of them, just get back to being a size 6, darn it! You're an inspiration. Congrats on your hard work!

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DWEXCEL 9/24/2009 7:36AM

    I am soooooooooo jealous!!!!! You are so amazinag. I think we should get some new pics of you in your size 6's. You are so inspiring.

Love ya,
Donna emoticon emoticon

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MKPQ51 9/23/2009 2:51AM

    Boy, can I ever relate to the balancing of the months bills and the paycheck schedule. Thank goodness for credit cards (not that they're good if you use them too much); they certainly do come in handy during times like this.

I'm so excited for you! Congratulations on your good finds and especially congrats on the size 6!!!!!

And, as for the "sister" sizes in the bra sizes, I knew there were two similar sizes; but, for the life of me, I couldn't remember which way they went. Okay, up one size in the measurement, down one size in the cup; let's see how long my brain will remember it this time. So glad you found a style you like.


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TEACHINMOM 9/22/2009 8:40PM

    WAY TO GO!! That is sooo awesome ~ definitely something to be extremely proud of yourself for!! CONGRATS!!

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GLOBALKEEWEE 9/22/2009 7:40PM

    The most-sought-after size! Congratulations...that's super!

emoticon (your size 8!)

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    WTG on being a 6!!!!

I am just so happy for you!

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ELLENSM 9/22/2009 2:33PM

    Wow! And congratulations! I just joined SP yesterday and this blog entry gives me great encouragement!!


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NANA2THREEGIRLS 9/22/2009 2:18PM

    I am so happy for you! I have gone from a size 20 to a 14 and from a 46 FFF bra to a 42 D! One letter in my bra size! Amazing :)

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USE2BWILD 9/22/2009 2:16PM

    Congratulations!!! How wonderful!!! In these tough economic times, the resale shops can be useful. When I am feeling down a something new is wonderful even if it is used, it is new for me!!! You are going to need some cute things to show off that sexy little shape of yours!!!! Happy for you. I saw your incredibly supportive comments on another girl's page and had to stop by. Stay healthy. Healthy over thin is in!!!! from, mcgee emoticon

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OAKBORN 9/22/2009 2:03PM

    Ain't it GREAT?!?!

I so totally understand how you feel! And we both thought single digits were enough at one point! How fabbo it is!

On the bra, I knew that... usually you go down in band and up in cup & vice versa and verse visa too!


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MIAMILAW96 9/22/2009 1:59PM

    Congratulations! What a wonderful feeling. I am so very happy for you!


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LANNBOL22 9/22/2009 1:52PM

    Congratulations. I can't wait til I can say the same. You should be very proud of yourself. emoticon

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Whaaaa!!! I want to keep my boobs!

Monday, September 21, 2009

So with all this weight loss, the girls have finally taken a big hit. I've lost inches around my chest and back, but was always a C cup...lately, the cup has not runneth over, so I took a drive to return my new bra at's been confirmed...38B emoticon emoticon emoticon

And to make matters worse, I didn't have my receipt, so the bra I returned (IPEX) was discontinued and I only got $13 back... emoticon

AAAAND I'm bloated and pms pissy, so trying on bras was not as fun as I'd have liked it to be...wished I was more of a 36C...Whaaaaa!!!!

But as with anything - I always see the positive when faced with a new reality:
- #1 I have 2 healthy boobs, and that in and of itself is a blessing, so I will not complain.
- #2 There are things out there that make you look like you still have Cs sitting where the Bs now are.
- #3 I now have that thing, thanks to my VS credit card emoticon

So that's that. My day in a nutshell....or should I say, "cupshell" emoticon emoticon

PS - HERE"S THE KICKER!!!! I just open the VS bag - she gave me a 36C!!! I tried it on - it fits, sort take it back is a's a bit too tight though, although...maybe it will be a motivational tool... Hmmmmmm....must think...I am going to add the girl was a twit and overrun with people....easy mistake to make I guess. Geez! Still no bra!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

USE2BWILD 9/22/2009 2:31PM

    My advice don't do the boob job. Sexier is natural. All the stars look so phoney and men are noticing. I saw a guy with a T shirt the other day that said, "fake boobs taste funny!!" Just strutt your stuff and be comfortable in your own skin. Get good support and keep pumpin iron and they will look fabulous!! Low cut and strutt!!! You are a beautiful woman and a little on top is very sexy. Healthy is sexy, honey!!! Be happy as you have accomplished what many would give their eye teeth for. You go to that reunion and dazzle everyone with your happy healthy self!!!! You're wonderful just the way you are.

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ANNIEONLI 9/22/2009 1:36PM

    I don't know it anyone is subscribed to this or not, but I just wanted to update: I went back and returned the other bra...and bought another one that fits better...and learned a little bit of info to....

A size 38B and a size 36C are "Sister" bra sizes!!!

Bet y'all didn't know that one!

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SWAL0701 9/22/2009 8:55AM

    Boy, I'm glad you touched on this subject. This has been my fear from the start of this new journey. To get myself very fit/ripped.....will this take all of my chest?? Hmmm, I really don't know. Is it really worth it to deflate my chest?? I still don't know the answer to this. I do think it's on my husbands mind too. Although he hasn't said much except "how much are you planning on losing?" It's not fair that men do not have to consider this.

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MKPQ51 9/22/2009 8:27AM

    At this point, though I have lost a little bit in the measurements, I haven't had to change cup size yet. I'm sure once I lose some more weight, I'll be shopping too.

It's so frustrating when you have to return something and don't have the receipt. I'm normally pretty good at keeping track of my receipts; but, every once in a while, I just can't find it. What's more discouraging is when the store will only give you back the sale price and you know it's half the price that you paid for it!

If you decide to wait a while before returning the bra (Who knows, once your no longer PMSing, the bra might fit better.), make sure you remember where you put the receipt and watch the store policy on returns; don't miss their final return date.

Hope your day goes better today!



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BIKERDIANE 9/21/2009 8:41PM

    Before I had kids, I was a 36A. Now I am much older and fatter and am a 40B: IMPOSSIBLE to find other than some sports bras at K-Mart :(

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    I too have lost my ladies! But I am thrilled with the loss!

I blossomed so quickly that I have stretch marks on my ladies and have since I grew overnight at the age of 12! My first bra was my sisters hand-me-down 34B until she could help me find a bra. It wasn't long before I was a 38C that really should have been wearing a larger size/cup but the 34B wasn't sized to me and I got used to wearing it wrong.

Now my ladies look more like 2 triangles pointing south and I really couldn't be happier. I can walk and not bounce anymore! I can wear the 3/$10 sports bras and they support me! And I don't get creases in my shoulders from the weight of my ladies.

You want more possible good news? I think they are healthier since I no longer have excess fatty tissue in my chest. They no longer sit on my lungs and heart.

I have to tell you, I think my DH misses them a heck of a lot more than I do and he isn't complaining either. Look at my profile picture - I still have cleavage, lol.

On another note, I still love your profile picture! You look like you have so much fun in living!!


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WALKWITME 9/21/2009 3:33PM

    I Know Exactly what you are going through...

I have lost 74 lbs, My Puppies were 38DD and now they are 36C

Fiddles and it's hard to find that size sometimes. As we speak I may need to be re-fitted emoticon

I met Goal but haven't meet my puppies.... lol

Wish My Tush would go down some more... lol

It's all landing in the wrong place.

Good Thing I didn't go back to THE FULL CUP to pick up those new bras I ordered awhile back.

Oh ! I'm also in a " SMALL Top"

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GABBIE00 9/21/2009 3:12PM

    i will be glad when I lose some.

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RODEORHI83 9/21/2009 2:47PM

  This is always a downside to losing. If, that is, you are pleased with your girls being larger (which some gals are not, I hear). I was never huge, but always happy, and now with 30 lbs lost I have lost a cup size as well. Thankfully I was foolishly always wearing a size too small, so there was not the same $$$ dropping to refurbish the wardrobe that has occurred with the rest of my clothes...

That said, I also like your waxing positive about it that they are both healthy, which is always a thing for which to be thankful!

Also, just think, less jiggling while jogging! emoticon

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OAKBORN 9/21/2009 2:42PM

    I understand! My poor girls look, um, well, deflated... add in the fact that I breastfed 2 kids for a total of 4.5 years... (1 vs. 3.5)... well you get the pic. At least I had sumthin' when I was fat... but I had all the other stuff that went with it too.

So I just get bras that enhance the remainder and consider a boob job...


Comment edited on: 9/21/2009 2:42:07 PM

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Amazing what you learn

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Here's a new one...high salt intake makes me feel icky...bile-duct/torso tightening icky...

Had sushi today and the soy sauce must have put me over the edge. Back at work, I was starting to feel the signs come on slowly of a bile-duct attack...something was rotten in Denmark. I was too full to drink any more water, and then I remembered my vitamin in my pocketbook. You might find that strange, but I've felt icky before and popped my Viactiv and felt better shortly aftewards.

So the summation from lunch was this...high salt intake is not good for my bile-duct issue and the organs it is attached to! My poor liver, pancreas and spleen! Sorry - no high sodium binges for you anymore! I've read that somewhere about salt intake affects liver function. Maybe I'm making it up...gonna have to do some research.

Either way...I found a quick solution to make it feel better instead of having an attack of whatever come on....must be a vitamin deficiency of something making an organ not work right....again...more research is needed, but at least I have a theory. Another theory to add to my list and another thing to watch out for! LOL

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MKPQ51 9/17/2009 2:19AM

    Oh, how I love sushi; though I'm not a heavy soy sauce user, like my hubby, I do like it. We quite often go out for sushi; I don't know what I'd do if I found out I had to restrict my salt intake and couldn't have it any more.

You've made some very interesting theories on salt affecting the liver function and the possibility of a vitamin deficiency causing an organ not to function correctly; maybe I'll do a search to see what I can find too. Sure glad the Viactiv helped you feel better.


Comment edited on: 9/17/2009 2:20:30 AM

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Monday, September 14, 2009

There are a few things that I just have to finally get out of my head - it may upset some people, but these are just observations I have made - from SP and my life. "Heavy" and "thin" are just terms I'm using for generalities made. These thoughts have been rolling around in my head for months...I think it's time to let the universe in on it.

- Going from being thin to heavy (whether over time, age, emotional eating, whatever - could be 5 or 15 pounds + gained or way more): people are generally very negative about their body image, and constantly verbally beat themselves up...they see what "once was" was and dislike themselves now. Those who are working at it & at being healthy are better copers than those who do nothing about it at all.

- Going from always heavy to thin (weight range...just pick one b/c it doesn't matter)- people are very upbeat and supportive of everyone in general, they appreciate the journey that was made and make each day count

- Going from heavy to thin to heavy again (I'm talking major yo-yoers here): the emotional and mental part here is the hardest of all...the self confidence and self love to keep it off, well, was it ever found? There are many that fall into this category - it's wide ranging with it's miriad of reasons for the yo-yo...hard to even write about.

- Going from thin and unfit - to thin and fit - or just thin in general: a category I've observed only slightly because I can/could not relate to the thin part of it all - ever. BUT - what I've seen sort of makes me upset. Please please not beat yourselves up over a bit of cellulite or the fact the your size 2 or 4 jeans are snug. You are envied by many who struggle to even get to 150 or even 200 for that matter. Be healthy and fit - that's all you have to do.

- The "fitness junkies" - thin or heavy, it doesn't matter - love and respect you people a lot...but don't beat yourselves up over a bad eating day please, especially if it's once in a blue moon. And make sure you eat enough cals too or your body won't give up those pounds you want gone.

- Age as a factor - "If I knew at 16, what I know now...." Accepting the aging process is a part of life...and from what I've observed, we can fight the age clock with diet and exercise, BUT to beat yourself up over 10 lbs gained because you had a baby and you are 30 is a little silly, not to mention counterproductive...the body tends to change every ten years...expect it and embrace it and take it from there...which leads me to the next....

- Body acceptance - whatever your body is right now, guess's yours. It does many wonderful things and we have to acknowledge that in order to take care of it properly...AND it can do many wonderful things if challenged, whatever weight you are, whevever your physical starting point is. It's a major starting point for self-love & it took me a long time to figure that one out.

- This last one is my deal...which might be someone else's deal too...Being on the "thin" end of the spectrum is weird at hear someone you love beat themselves up because they gained some weight is a little hard, and in the same breath they call you skinny is really a mind trip. How do I deal with that?

It's happening more and more...with my sister and my friends. Please note: I was always the quiet, heavy friend. I guess it is their issue because, I hate to tell them, it looks like this body is not done losing it's weight. I'm striving for healthy eating and fitness so I don't feel sick and it's working just fine. Going off of my lifestyle reaps havoc on my system...this is my normal. It is what it is.

Anyway - those were just some observations and reflections - which will probably change in the next year. They overlap here and there, and there are loopholes I'm sure...but like I said, they are general observations from life and from SP pages and boards.

My wish for everyone on the planet is to LOVE themselves as they are, because if you don't love yourself first and foremost, how can you truly love another?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DWEXCEL 9/16/2009 11:41AM

    Hi Anne!

Wow! You should write a book. No, seriously, you really should, because you know what you are talking about.

By the way, I'm reading Bob Harper's book, "Are You Ready", and the whole thing is about getting your head right. But not just your head, but your emotional heart right as well.

I'm still working to get back under the 150 mark, and I feel like I am back in control. And I know I'll go along fine for a few months, and then I'll have a little slip up or set back, but I know it's not the end of the world. I know that I will make some adjustments, and get back in control. And I know that's just part of how it is for me. But I don't let it stop me anymore.

By the way, I am loving the P90X dvd's. I did the 6th disk, the Kenpo X today, and boy is that a work out! And, you know what, it was FUN, and it was doing something that was really different for me. I loved it.

So, I'll be seeing you back in the 140's soon!

Love ya!
Donna emoticon emoticon

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MKPQ51 9/15/2009 1:54AM

    Wow, that is a lot to digest; but, in my opinion, you hit the nail right on the head! Thank you for sharing your thoughts; if we're honest with ourselves, each one of us probably fit into at least one of those descriptions. As I read this blog, certain people (including me) came to mind and I found myself thinking, based on comments they've made on SP, how they fit your description to a "T." The bottom line, for me especially, is we do need to love ourselves as we are, not as we used to be.

Thanks again for your great observations!


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HEALTH4LYFE 9/14/2009 11:36PM

    Thanks for sharing your observations and insights. Good food for thought. I agree with a lot of what you said, especially about loving yourself first (although I don't practice it as much as I should).

Hope you have a great day!! emoticon

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OAKBORN 9/14/2009 10:52AM

    Wow! Annie! That was an amazing post. A lot to digest there... great insights.

Thank you for that!


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