Saturday, October 24, 2009
Hey there Sparkers!!!
Whew!! what a kookee week! Happy to report that I got back on my beloved treadmill after many many months...and I RAN! Honest to goodness running going on here! Never did that one before, so I am very happy about this accomplishment. Tues was one mile and Fri was a mile and a quarter. I'm going to try and push it a little further each time...just for fun. Fri was an interesting workout. All I wanted to get in was a half hour while my son played legos...turned out he was so occupied with his playing that I did an extra half hour! One hour on the tread - 475 cals later and 3.25 miles (I strolled)...and a happy kid and mommy were the result. Gotta love that. I'm hoping Monday is a repeat performance...we shall see.
Hmmm...got news that I am gaining 3 new cub scouts...one of which is SATAN Lucky me. His reputation precedes him...the family's reuptation precedes them...The mother is in denile about her offspring and they run amok. The stories I've heard from both parents and scouts is appalling. So, I need a plan of action...and I have one, so now I am calm...it came to me when I was running. The plan is to have 3 strikes....and then he's out of my den. The mother has already been invited to the first meeting he will attend at my home. She was trying to bring along her other devil's spawn, but alas I said "no...unfortunately I do not have enough eyes to watch mine own sweet children whilst the meeting is going on, so I cannot have other children at the house in addition to the scouts..." nice huh? Step one...complete.
Now, if this particular scout is the child...and makes a distrubance, the mom will have to stay at every meeting...which means she will have to find a sitter each time for her other children. This is the general rule for all children that misbehave, so it is very fair. If he's a disturbance at the meeting while she is not there, the child will sit out...then she'll have to be at every meeting after that. Sorry honey, I'm a volunteer, not a babysitter or a social worker.
As for fist fighting...which he has done already...we have established a new policy: PACK POLICY: If he strikes another child, he will be reported to the council and the parent called, she will have to accomplany her child for the remainder of the event/meeting. Next event....if it happens again, the child will leave the event immediately. If it happens again, at all...last chance/strike...the child is kicked out of scouts for good.
Not a nice thing to even talk about, but we cannot deny anyone a chance to join...but we don't have to take any crap either. Rules are rules...if you don't abide by them and be civil...you are OUT. Boy....I have a calm center since Thursday, and I will tell you why becuase when I learned of this news earlier in the week, I was not a happy camper. On Thursdya, when I woke up, I was repeating the same prayer over and over in my head....The Prayer of St. Francis which I memorized in high school:
"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
when there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy."
Well...this is the first half that I kept repeating over and over again....and woke up on Friday with the same thing going thru my brain...so I consider that a sign from above.
So what do I do with that? Well...just what it says...give the kid a chance, be kind and firm and nurturing (God knows, the kid may need just that!)...don't get crazy until there is something to get crazy about...and then - there are rules in place to handle the situation as my backup. Thy will be done. Finito.
OKey Dokey.....enuf with that stuff.
Fall is upon us, here in New York...I have a butt-load of leaves to pick up and rake, not one thing has been done in that capacity, but then again, not all of the leaves are down either. Weekends are very busy too...and they will only get more, so I guess I have to be a bit more organized during the week...like I'm not already. I guess I have to reference my calendar more often! LOL
I went out with my evil Twin last night (we have the same name and our birthdays are a day apart...go figure)...totally discovered that a guy friend of ours who I crushed on for about a year(13 years ago) actually liked me when we were all hanging out...and they told him to go out with me but he wouldn't date "a student"...what a dope!! we were practically the same age and we were just flying small planes - so he wasone of my 'teachers" but teachers aren't supposed to go clubbing with student either. Dope. Well...what's done is done, and I probably wouldn't have met my hubby if I was dating him anyway, so I'm really glad about that in retrospect. But I will say this aloud...get him my picture NOW!!! so he can see what he passed up on...the dope. I will bet money he also didn't want to date me because of my weight...to bad for him because I met my husband during that time and he never had that problem...ever. Hmm...but then again, after I started dating hubby, we never really hung out too much after that as a group because we all got busy , I graduated & we all had to grow up. Oh well.........still....I want him to see a picture of me now... the dope. Don't listen to me anymore...I'm just being and you know, no matter what, he's still a friend after all these years, no matter what...but I really would like to tease him about that too...oops, sorry, being evil again! One day I will have that moment, I'm sure - lol! Honestly, I'd love to know how he's doing...married, kids, work, the whole thing....gotta get a reunion together with the old crew.
I'll just add to the above that I was VERY redfaced during this conversation...and then immediately went all googly/mushy and calm just mentioning my darling hubby....who really is my soulmate...we share a brain and a heart. Who could ask for more than that? It's rare, and I know it, and am thankful for everyday I wake up next to him.
Oh well...my darling is home...and I have to get moving, so ta-ta everyone!!
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Ok, so today I'm in a funk....hey, it happens to us all. I'm not saying I'm down on anything either, it's just a blechk (use the back of your throat when saying that one please ;)) of having too much to do and not wanting to do anything. Too much work, too much stuff that just gets plopped on top of the Mom/Wife/Manager's capable shoulders because that is the way life works sometimes. I'd love to be a kept woman with a staff to order about today, that's all. LOL
And that is why I'm writing about it. I thought of the title at work this morning too, because for goodness sake...it's so true isn't it?
How can I say to someone, "It's OK, don't give up...keep on going, it's just a rut, you will get out of it soon, don't be discouraged, tomorrow is a new day...etc, etc, etc" and not actually walk the walk?
Everyone has those bad days...bad months...bad hours...bad minutes even. The key is to not wallow in the funk that can overtake your spirit.
A lot of us have come way to far to get down on ourselves...so don't. Have the moment and move on. Life's not going to wait for you to get out of your funk...only you can do that.
Ok - that's it....I have some laundry that has to get packed for our last camping trip this weekend before my lunch is over...so for now...I'm going to (as my favorite band from the '90s Extreme sings)...
GET THE FUNK OUT!
In fact...I'm going to jack up my iPod to 10 and play that song whilst I fold the said laundry!
Monday, October 05, 2009
With cub scouts...comes stress...or at least how it was last year. Already I have TMJ from stress, but I got a cub scouty thing off my chest and it has gotten better. They were gunning for me to become the head of our pack...the Cubmaster. It's because I'm so personable...little did they know that when I get stressed I become a B!@#$ - a BIG one. No thanks...I like the mellow me. I'll be the treasurer...it's what I do at work anyway.
Well, that being said...from the moment I signed up for this commitment, I have stressed out. The kids are a motley bunch - I started with 13, now I have 10, which is a good thing...a healthy den is 8. The less kids, the more managable and this year...no more parents at the meetings.
Imagine...12 kids plus parents...all in your house every other week...no wonder I was stressed last year. It was like throwing a party every other week!
I'm actually calm before this meeting tonight. I have a game plan...the parents will be at this one meeting ..and then just 2 per meeting as helpers. I have a lot to print out...easy enough. I have an obstacle course for them to do...with parents helping. I'm sticking to my guns with everything and the kids will get that badge by February.
Anwyay...with the lead up to tonight...I have worked out - I FINALLY GOT ON MY TREADMILL!! YAY! Holy cow...I still got it...a little rusty, but I'm not too bummed about feeling rusty. It's just another thing to work on...I like that. Working out is part of my stress busting plan for this season. I am determined not to fall off that wagon like I did last year. Funny...when you track fitness, you can see what happens when you get sick, get busy, get stressed, have a good month...it's really neat.
That's about it...after the meeting is Dancing with the Stars and then Castle and Lie to Me. I love my shows...so once everyone is O U T of my house...I'm planning on having a beer and vegging out to my shows.
Thursday, October 01, 2009
First and foremost...have to applaude Glamour magazine for listening to it's readers...hopefully they will continue to change the magazine industry and NOT just make REAL WOMEN models a flash in the pan. Check out the link and read on...
I titled this "perceptions" because we always perceive ourselves differently...I recently learned something...when someone looks at you: they do not see your weight that you actually are: in their eyes, you weigh less. If you dare, test out my theory - you might be pleasantly surprised. Several people I love and respect have told me to stop losing because I was perfect at 120. Hello - I am 142.
Anyway...I'm here to get something off of my chest...again...
The perceptions of how people view you in the world. It sometimes pisses me off, so here I go...
The "invisible person syndrome" - it's not just for the heavy...
When you are heavier...you THINK you are invisible to the world because of your own mental crap, so you become "invisible" - no pics of you, you WANT to hide, so you do. (go ahead and argue with me, but you know I'm right if you've been there)
So you lose the weight....WHILE you are on the journey, well, the praise is ENDLESS and LOVELY and AWESOME...you LOVE it and the perception of that praise keeps you going on that journey...lots of YAY! YOU! and THAT's GREAT!...and it is, use it and carry on because you might NOT like this next part...
Goal means maintenance....goal here can be a plateau even...you are stuck, nothing is changing....OR you are now where you want to be and are perceived as "normal" in the world: You can buy off the rack, any size you want that looks good on you...and then, after a while the PRAISE STOPS.
Holy cow! POOF! I am invisible again.
This is what I mean by "invisible again"...(this pertains to the real world here, not SP where praise is what makes us stay) ---- the conversation about weightloss has gotten old to those you live with, people you see everyday are not interested in hearing it again..the only praise coming down the pike is if you happen to stumble across someone who hasn't seen you in forever. This is what you wanted and strived for and now you are here. You are on your own...and that is scary.
And when you are scared, we can lose sight of big picture of why we are here in the first place...and then slip, and then fall and the rollercoaster begins again. Others might want you to slip & fall too - they might not ever say it, but they think it. So HOW do we keep our footing when we perceive ourselves as "fallen" or "invisible" again.
It's so mental. Let's be real - from the moment you began this journey, it was ALL you and ALL mental. It always will be. When the kudos goes away, you are left to your own devices and part of that is learning and relearning about our own self-worth and our OWN perceptions of how we are to be in the world. Mental. Mental strength. We can work our muscles until they are bulging, but if we are not working our minds at the same time and embracing the stages we are going through, it might be for naught.
So that is what's been on my mind.
If anyone thinks that this journey is easier for some than others....your perception is way off. The grass is never greener in someone else's yard...it's just another type of crabgrass you are looking at.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
It seems all I have done for the last 2 days is talk about clothes and boobs and bras and shopping, and to my friends, the fact that I am on an austerity budget b/c it seems like all the bills hit this month when we have no $$$ in the bank b/c of how the hubby's paychecks are doled out this month...Oh well....so I must confess...I charged...again...but I HAD to!!!! I had 30% off at Kohl's and nothing fits!! It's a NEED at this point, not a want.
Anyway...as the title says, I took pants into the fitting room size 8 and a 6 just for fun...8s were BIG and loose...the 6 fit perfectly!
I have never been a 6 since I was that AGE! I am in total shock!!
The reason I went today, besides the discount, was that I worked only in the morning and the pants I was wearing was a 10 and belted to the last loop on the belt...so so sad. And what a surprise I got!!! Woooohooooo!!!
So I bought a jean, a cargo, and a tight $4 clearance stretch jean in an 8 to goof around in...and a few long sleeve cottton medium tops for fall. I think I'm OK for fall clothes now...I think.
And VS - well, I returned the 36C and got the 38Bin a different style that fit even nicer and learned that the 2 sizes are "sister" sizes - who'd have known!!!!!! I guess for different bra styles, that's all. So there's hope ladies...the girls don't totally disappear after all...they just get renamed!!
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