Monday, October 05, 2009
With cub scouts...comes stress...or at least how it was last year. Already I have TMJ from stress, but I got a cub scouty thing off my chest and it has gotten better. They were gunning for me to become the head of our pack...the Cubmaster. It's because I'm so personable...little did they know that when I get stressed I become a B!@#$ - a BIG one. No thanks...I like the mellow me. I'll be the treasurer...it's what I do at work anyway.
Well, that being said...from the moment I signed up for this commitment, I have stressed out. The kids are a motley bunch - I started with 13, now I have 10, which is a good thing...a healthy den is 8. The less kids, the more managable and this year...no more parents at the meetings.
Imagine...12 kids plus parents...all in your house every other week...no wonder I was stressed last year. It was like throwing a party every other week!
I'm actually calm before this meeting tonight. I have a game plan...the parents will be at this one meeting ..and then just 2 per meeting as helpers. I have a lot to print out...easy enough. I have an obstacle course for them to do...with parents helping. I'm sticking to my guns with everything and the kids will get that badge by February.
Anwyay...with the lead up to tonight...I have worked out - I FINALLY GOT ON MY TREADMILL!! YAY! Holy cow...I still got it...a little rusty, but I'm not too bummed about feeling rusty. It's just another thing to work on...I like that. Working out is part of my stress busting plan for this season. I am determined not to fall off that wagon like I did last year. Funny...when you track fitness, you can see what happens when you get sick, get busy, get stressed, have a good month...it's really neat.
That's about it...after the meeting is Dancing with the Stars and then Castle and Lie to Me. I love my shows...so once everyone is O U T of my house...I'm planning on having a beer and vegging out to my shows.
Thursday, October 01, 2009
First and foremost...have to applaude Glamour magazine for listening to it's readers...hopefully they will continue to change the magazine industry and NOT just make REAL WOMEN models a flash in the pan. Check out the link and read on...
I titled this "perceptions" because we always perceive ourselves differently...I recently learned something...when someone looks at you: they do not see your weight that you actually are: in their eyes, you weigh less. If you dare, test out my theory - you might be pleasantly surprised. Several people I love and respect have told me to stop losing because I was perfect at 120. Hello - I am 142.
Anyway...I'm here to get something off of my chest...again...
The perceptions of how people view you in the world. It sometimes pisses me off, so here I go...
The "invisible person syndrome" - it's not just for the heavy...
When you are heavier...you THINK you are invisible to the world because of your own mental crap, so you become "invisible" - no pics of you, you WANT to hide, so you do. (go ahead and argue with me, but you know I'm right if you've been there)
So you lose the weight....WHILE you are on the journey, well, the praise is ENDLESS and LOVELY and AWESOME...you LOVE it and the perception of that praise keeps you going on that journey...lots of YAY! YOU! and THAT's GREAT!...and it is, use it and carry on because you might NOT like this next part...
Goal means maintenance....goal here can be a plateau even...you are stuck, nothing is changing....OR you are now where you want to be and are perceived as "normal" in the world: You can buy off the rack, any size you want that looks good on you...and then, after a while the PRAISE STOPS.
Holy cow! POOF! I am invisible again.
This is what I mean by "invisible again"...(this pertains to the real world here, not SP where praise is what makes us stay) ---- the conversation about weightloss has gotten old to those you live with, people you see everyday are not interested in hearing it again..the only praise coming down the pike is if you happen to stumble across someone who hasn't seen you in forever. This is what you wanted and strived for and now you are here. You are on your own...and that is scary.
And when you are scared, we can lose sight of big picture of why we are here in the first place...and then slip, and then fall and the rollercoaster begins again. Others might want you to slip & fall too - they might not ever say it, but they think it. So HOW do we keep our footing when we perceive ourselves as "fallen" or "invisible" again.
It's so mental. Let's be real - from the moment you began this journey, it was ALL you and ALL mental. It always will be. When the kudos goes away, you are left to your own devices and part of that is learning and relearning about our own self-worth and our OWN perceptions of how we are to be in the world. Mental. Mental strength. We can work our muscles until they are bulging, but if we are not working our minds at the same time and embracing the stages we are going through, it might be for naught.
So that is what's been on my mind.
If anyone thinks that this journey is easier for some than others....your perception is way off. The grass is never greener in someone else's yard...it's just another type of crabgrass you are looking at.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
It seems all I have done for the last 2 days is talk about clothes and boobs and bras and shopping, and to my friends, the fact that I am on an austerity budget b/c it seems like all the bills hit this month when we have no $$$ in the bank b/c of how the hubby's paychecks are doled out this month...Oh well....so I must confess...I charged...again...but I HAD to!!!! I had 30% off at Kohl's and nothing fits!! It's a NEED at this point, not a want.
Anyway...as the title says, I took pants into the fitting room size 8 and a 6 just for fun...8s were BIG and loose...the 6 fit perfectly!
I have never been a 6 since I was that AGE! I am in total shock!!
The reason I went today, besides the discount, was that I worked only in the morning and the pants I was wearing was a 10 and belted to the last loop on the belt...so so sad. And what a surprise I got!!! Woooohooooo!!!
So I bought a jean, a cargo, and a tight $4 clearance stretch jean in an 8 to goof around in...and a few long sleeve cottton medium tops for fall. I think I'm OK for fall clothes now...I think.
And VS - well, I returned the 36C and got the 38Bin a different style that fit even nicer and learned that the 2 sizes are "sister" sizes - who'd have known!!!!!! I guess for different bra styles, that's all. So there's hope ladies...the girls don't totally disappear after all...they just get renamed!!
Monday, September 21, 2009
So with all this weight loss, the girls have finally taken a big hit. I've lost inches around my chest and back, but was always a C cup...lately, the cup has not runneth over, so I took a drive to return my new bra at VS...it's been confirmed...38B
And to make matters worse, I didn't have my receipt, so the bra I returned (IPEX) was discontinued and I only got $13 back...
AAAAND I'm bloated and pms pissy, so trying on bras was not as fun as I'd have liked it to be...wished I was more of a 36C...Whaaaaa!!!!
But as with anything - I always see the positive when faced with a new reality:
- #1 I have 2 healthy boobs, and that in and of itself is a blessing, so I will not complain.
- #2 There are things out there that make you look like you still have Cs sitting where the Bs now are.
- #3 I now have that thing, thanks to my VS credit card
So that's that. My day in a nutshell....or should I say, "cupshell"
PS - HERE"S THE KICKER!!!! I just open the VS bag - she gave me a 36C!!! I tried it on - it fits, sort of...to take it back is a PITA...it's a bit too tight though, although...maybe it will be a motivational tool... Hmmmmmm....must think...I am going to add the girl was a twit and overrun with people....easy mistake to make I guess. Geez! Still no bra!
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