ANNIEONLI   47,637
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Remember to breathe!! Remember to breathe!!

Monday, December 07, 2009

OMG!!!!

Ever have a morning that just kicks off B-A-D BAD???

The house was cold this morning...the heat said 'ON' but it was 60. So I emailed the company who does our oil deliveries {which are supposed to be automatic} to order oil.

Guess what? The heat is on...we have oil...and now I'm getting a delivery. Oh well...better to do it now before it really does run out, right?

My middle son...the 5 hyear old drama-king...he comes into the bedroom looking like it's the end of the world. OMG - He has A RUNNY NOSE!!!!!! emoticon emoticon

I swear to all that is holy on this earth...it took every ounce of my being to control myself. The incessant whining...the single use tissue pile that just kept growing and growing in the trash bin and on the floor...the inconsolable NONSENSE! of it all! emoticon

We got thru the morning with the aid of some allergy medicine to dry him up a bit...but the damage to me was done. I can't breathe.

No, not really "can't breathe", but you know what I mean. I have to physically remind myself to inhale deeply to calm down. The kids are gone a half hour and I'm still practicing breathing.

Tonight is a den meeting with scouts. The subject.....TOOLS. An intro to tools. In my dining room. On my table. Thirteen 7-8 year olds who do not listen well.

BREATHE emoticon C'mon BREATHE!!!! emoticon DEEPER!! emoticon

So my day is a sandwich of fun. emoticon

I'm going to practice my breathing...go on the treadmill...and start my day over in a more positive light. emoticon

Really, what else can one do? Blessings to be counted...my health, my kids & husband's health, my extended family's health, my home, my friends, I can pay my bills, I have food on the table.

Restarting the day right NOW.

Hope you have a good one too!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNIEONLI 12/7/2009 9:22PM

    Thanks so much ladies!!!!

I think a major thing is that it's the TOM coming up....it seems like every other month I LOSE MY MIND!! I couldn't even tell you if I raised my voice once last month. Go figure!!

Anyway...much much better now.

Ommmm. Breathing...breathing....breathing.
..

Comment edited on: 12/7/2009 9:23:29 PM

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SUCHAHOOT 12/7/2009 11:37AM

    Here's another from Thich Nhat Hanh. A favorite of mine...

Breathing i, I calm my body.
Breathing out, I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment,
I know this is a wonderful moment.

Have a lovely day!
Karen

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OAKBORN 12/7/2009 10:04AM

    Yep... breathing... some days it's moment to moment... and just remembering to breathe.

Hugs!

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VALERIEMAHA 12/7/2009 9:52AM

    "Restarting the day right NOW." That's it! We can (and do, really) start over each moment with each new moment, each "now," each opportunity to be mindful of the one and only precious moment we have. YAY! (Wish I could remember that!)

Some of beloved teacher Thich Nhat Hanh's gathas, or verses, (1st line is the inhale, 2nd line the exhale, etc.) to help remembering to breathe:

GETTING THROUGH THE DAY:
Breathing in I know I am breathing in
Breathing out I know I am breathing out.
Breathing in
Breathing out

WAKING UP:
Waking up this morning, I smile.
Twenty four brand new hours are before me.
I vow to live fully in each moment
and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion

BRUSHING TEETH
Brushing my teeth and rinsing my mouth,
I vow to speak purely and lovingly.
When my mouth is fragrant with right speech,
a flower blooms in the garden of my heart.

MEDITATING OR WALKING:
I have arrived.
I am home.
In the here,
In the now.

SMILING AT YOUR ANGER:
Breathing in, I know that anger makes me ugly.
Breathing out, I do not want to be contorted by anger.
Breathing in, I know I must take care of myself.
Breathing out, I know loving kindness is the only answer.

WALKING MEDITATION:
Words can travel thousands of miles.
May my words create mutual understanding and love.
May they be as beautiful as gems,
as lovely as flowers.

TALKING ON THE TELEPHONE:
The mind can go in a thousand directions.
But on this beautiful path, I walk in peace.
With each step, a gentle wind blows.
With each step, a flower blooms.

AND A BONUS! ONE OF MY FAVORITE MEAL PRAYERS:
This food is the gift of the whole universe - the earth the sky, and much hard work.
May we eat in mindfulness so as to be worthy to receive it.
May we transform our unskillful states of mind and learn to eat with moderation.
May we take only foods that nourish us and prevent illness.
We accept this food to realize the path of understanding and love and joy.

Blessed be!
xox
Maha


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BZYBOYSMOM 12/7/2009 9:41AM

    God love you and enjoy the Scout meeting and keep breathing!!

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Daily average meals & a peek into my weightloss mindset

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Because you asked:
"Tell us your daily average meals, maybe I can lose the last 10-15 pounds that are so stubbornly hanging on. "

I will preface that back in July '09 - a lot of celebrating brought me from 146 up to 153 and I was totally pissed at myself...and I took control by tracking like mad again. I knew I could get the weight off because I did it and maintained well, I just had to focus - RIGHT AWAY. That focus has brought me where I am today - at 138. The following is in my shared food tracker - gaps usually mean I was sick, I was slacking, or I was in maintenanceland. The weightloss part of it always comes with mad tracking. It works, so just do it, ok?

Breakfast, snack, lunch....all the same, everyday pretty much...you can time your clock to my hunger at these times too...very amusing to me :)

Morning - WAKE UP 6am
2 cups coffee with milk & sugar - check email in pjs (I don't use artificial sweetener at all - the only time I use it is when I buy fat free yogurt)

7:30 - my usual breakfast is a half cup of fat free pineapple cottage cheese with cantaloupe, or pineapple or a slice of wholegrain bread. I love fat free pineapple cottage cheese...really I do.

10am - SNACK at work - chewy Kashi bar - Honey Almond Flax or Trail mix or Peanut Butter - they sell the box at Costco, so it lasts me a while. I drink it with water because it is slightly sweet and a little dry, but I like it.

12:30 - LUNCH - a sandwich, usually on whole grain bread or a wrap, 2 thin slices of turkey or ham, 2 Tbs light mayo, lettuce, hot peppers, tomato....sometimes if a Kaiser roll is on the counter - it's MINE and I eat that in lieu of the grain bread (a nice treat)...and I usually drink more water...and I usually have some sort of chip. Yes, I said it, a chip! ~gasp~ Veggie crisps are my favorite, but I do eat potato chips too. One portion is all I need. The individual snack packs are great. OR I have fruit with my sandwich.

3PM - SNACK...whole wheat pretzels or tea or more water to get over the midday slump at work...at home I usually have more fruit, or a cheese and cracker.

SNACK TIP** I LOVE pineapple & Cantaloupe and I have made it a point to always have one of each cut up and stored in my fridge (right next to my fat free pineapple cottage cheese supply) - the kids love snacking on it too., so really it's a win win situation!!

5 or 5:30pm - DINNER - this is where I have to lose a bit of control
My hubby cooks a lot, and I crockpot a lot...nothing really dietetic going on in either case. Plus -with the kids, chicken nuggets will be the meal...EWWW! I rely on portion control, good choices and STOPPING before I am full. This works 90% of the time. When I go to input it into the tracker, my instincts are right and I am usually right on track or under calories. If I have my way, I usually will have a veg, meat & potato/starch and that takes care of things for the night.

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Now that is done, I will also share with you my bad habit. As you know if you read my page into, exercise is the last thing on my list to do. Between work, kids, house, and well, life, I have that one bad habit still. I do not walk everyday. I do not weight train regularly. I don't go to the gym. I have a treadmill and a stability ball with a big rubber band & some 10 pound weights. Almost 2 years later on Spark, I envy others for their stick-to-it-iv-ness with running and swimming. Someday, I'll get more consistent...probably when the kids are older.

I do, however, go in spurts. My fitness report looks like a roller coaster at Great Adventure. For example: Before I got sick with the flu, I was running and my arms were getting defined nicely from the pushups. I now have to get back to it...I'm feeling that itch to get moving again.

And then I think.....maaayybbbeee emoticonjust maybe, that roller coaster worked to my advantage. I never went that long not exercising. My body got a break. My metabolism slows and revs up again and again....it's a theory that I'm going to stick with, because it's been working. Kind of like unintentional calorie cycling, I guess.

One thing is for sure...I never gave up.
The 153 was a slap in the face for me, because I felt those old bad habits creeping in along with its mindset of what once was. Hey, I MAINTAINED for a full year! Was I going to throw that away??? Hell NO! Trust me, I get blue, just like every other emotional eater out there, but then, I stop and I think "Hey, I've done this before, I know what to do, so for goodness sake, stop wasting time and just do it and get back to tracking and exercising!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now...does this help you lose those stubborn pounds...I don't know, but I do know it's what works for me.
- I eat what makes me feel healthy and the food that make me feel like garbage, well, that is where they go.
- I don't really eat sweets anymore (pastries & cakes are EVILE and my kryptonite) and I don't miss them at all anymore....they make me feel icky now anyway.
- I try to keep fats low...but I do eat bacon pretty much every Sunday.
- I don't drink carbonated beverages at all anymore...bloating and gas...Eww, no thanks.
- I don't drink anything with artificial sweeteners either...God knows what they are doing to your insides, and besides, I think your body and mind are not in tune with taste and calories expected to come out of a particular product....thus making you eat the wrong things later to make up for the cals missed by your body (another theory I read somewhere).
- I do have cheat days - you have to live life, but think of it as a special day and move on the next day as if nothing happened...track & drink that water and get back on the wagon!

I put my food tracker up a while back for spying....go ahead and spy away! It keeps me accountable. I encourage everyone to track everything they put in their mouths. If you think 3 cups of coffee with International Delight creamer for breakfast is fine, had a carrot stick for snack with a piece of cheese, then you skipped lunch, and then think that fried chicken meal from KFC is a good meal and you think you had a good day because you are in range or under calories, then I would like you to rethink your gameplan. Do not laugh or cringe...these trackers exist here, I have seen them myself, with my own eyes. They make me sad because really, how do you say nicely "I think you need to rethink your gameplan?"

This is my opportunity to tell you to look at what you are doing, open the diet tracker nutrition meal plans and see what Spark is telling you to do, and then compare and contrast what you input and what they suggest. You might be surprised at what a little tweaking will do to your gameplan.

~~~~~~
One last thing (because goodness, this is LOOONG)....are you eating ENOUGH calories? VERY active people need to track that, because if you are not losing, you're maintaining, or in starvation mode if you are not eating enough cals....Read up on the subject in the articles, you might need to change your calorie range and eat MORE!

I hope this helps you out. Track it, baby, TRACK IT!

BTW - My November food tracker stinks, big time...I had the flu & stopped tracking most things....go to Oct, Sept, Aug...lots there! Have fun spying! ROFL!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DWEXCEL 12/4/2009 7:17AM

    I just love it when you share your brain! You are a good nutrition tracker; whereas, I am a good exercise tracker. Now, if we could just absorb off of each other's strength.
After our chat the other day, I started writing down everything I ate the next day. Much to my surprise, I came up just under 1200 for the day. I know that is not enough to fuel all the activity that I do. I need 1800, at least. So I like your idea of having the individual baggies of cut up fruit ready to go. I don't think I need bigger meals, but probably more staggered snacks during the day. I usually take a Fiber One bar with me to tennis, but now I will take a cut up orange with me too. And I will track. I will track. I will track.

Donna
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HEALTH4LYFE 12/3/2009 5:28AM

    Thanks for the info. I told you I was going to be leaning on you for information and you have already sent some my way.
Have you started back running yet?


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DOLFYNDANCE70 12/2/2009 11:13PM

    You are a fun sparkster to read, I enjoy your blogs. It gets me motivated, I think it is that when I start tracking it lasts a day or two, then my two little kids are always at my heals to do things, and by the time I get around to tracking, I had forgotten to write it down, I pretty much know visually my portions from when I did track. and you are right about feeding the family at night, it is hard to make healthy meals, but I really have done a lot to change the way we eat. Period. I lost most of my weight when I stopped having soft drinks and white bread,pasta and rice. I am now maintaining like you said, however I just purchased a nintendo wii game "the biggest loser" and it tracks my calories burned,and such, so when I start that, I will try to blog about my progress with that. It may be something I can incorperate into my kids play time. Congrats on your success and keep it up. Keep on blogging, emoticon

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WATERMELLEN 12/2/2009 9:56PM

    Excellent blog and I'm with you: for me, tracking the calories is at least 70% of the battle!

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How can you tell?

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Okey Dokey people - part 1 of the dreaded trifecta Holiday Season is OVER!

Bring on Christmas and New Years...go ahead, we're gonna be ready, right?

DID YOU HEAR ME? WE'RE GONNA BE READY....RIGHT?

Damn straight we are!

So, in retrospect of this last blast of calorie consuming non-tracking nonsense...which I will confess, is probably the worst I've been since my anniversary drink-fest...I'm going to share with you my usual insight into "the yuk."

What - praytell - is "the yuk"????
Well, for me - gas, bloating, lethargy - they hit first and hard....EWWW! Totally unSparky, don't ya think? Then.....The neck bloat...AAARGH! NOT THAT!!! emoticon

Hahaha...I just hit the post button...someone is going to read this and go ?????? Was she finished?

Back to the neck bloat. It's when I totally get all poooochy in the neck area and my double chin comes out of NOWHERE!!! AAAAHHH! Not That!!

That is when I KNOW I have to get back on track. I HATE the neck bloat....so unattractive now...I'm never going to have the neck bloat again!


SO - I ask you this: What gets you back on track? How can you tell when you've over-done-it? Inquiring minds want to know????

well, at least, I do!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELTEAGUE 12/1/2009 3:48PM

    I don't get "neck bloat" but I get tummy bloat....and it all goes straight to the hips!

My swimming motivates me to keep on track!

well , 1 down , 2 holidays to go!

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OAKBORN 11/29/2009 7:10PM

    I don't have the neck bloat.. I have the butt-spread!

get it get it get it!

Haven't counted, barely exercised, shoulder flared up again... argh argh argh!

Will do better. Must do better. Have no choice.

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JENSHAWN 11/29/2009 3:32PM

    At least you didn't have a turkey neck. You know,the ones who went "under the knife". It seems like I have exercised twice as much this past week than since I have started. I haven't been on the scale for a week. I will find out Monday what the scales say! Wish me luck!

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ERNURSERN 11/29/2009 2:57PM

    I hate the yucky tired after eating feeling....I also hate the dry feeling when I wake up in the morning and I didn't drink enough water the day before AND ate too much salt...I feel awful and nauseated!!! I hate the chin thing too!! YICK...

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HEALTH4LYFE 11/29/2009 2:56PM

    My new size 6 jeans (yes I said 6) are snug, more snug than I want them to be.
I feel really full! And during dinner I could taste all that extra salt, especially in the seasoning of the dressing.

To recoup, I went right back to staying so so so on track, fighting the urges to eat, eat, eat that little taste of this or that and did some serious stationary bike time on Friday and went for a rather lengthy run on Saturday.

Just finished a bike ride outside and those temptations are only as low as a murmur. emoticon

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Happy Thanksgiving

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Wow - what a day!
Can't say I overate, but I did eat a little bit of everything, and it was all very very good...I left half of the food on my plate too. Well, I couldn't expect to eat the whole dinner, not with all of the appetizers before the meal! LOL But it was a good day.

I will rescind a portion of my last blog. I don't hate the holidays. I hate the fact that I do a majority of the work, that is all. So in honor of that blog, I asked for help today with my apple pies. Side by side, hubby and I peeled and sliced apples. & I made the most delicious pies ever! My family loves my pies...they look like a postcard and taste like, well, the best apples ever. The best thing my hubby could do was come directly over to me in front of the family and kiss me and say, "that was heaven, thanks hon"...all over an apple pie! emoticon That was as sweet as the pie.

So I hope everyone has a stress free happy holiday. I'm thankful that all the kids behaved today, that no one really overate, that everyone shared in the prep and made a delicious spread at my brother's house. Most of all, I'm thankful for my health, my family's health, and for Spark and all my Sparkfriends.

Hope you all had a great day.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEALTH4LYFE 11/27/2009 7:09AM

    Happy day after Thanksgiving! I did not read your earlier blog until after I read this one, and I basically skimmed the 11/25/09 one.

I could almost smell the apple pies baking in your oven. I'll bet they did taste delicious. We made apple crisp. Less crust, a little less calories, but tasty nonetheless.

I am thankful you have become one of my sparkfriends. As I continue on my journey, and eventually reach my goal weight, I am really going to be leaning on you for advice and support. The maintenance part really scares me sometimes, because I have lost weight before, but have not maintained the loss, and ultimately ended up bigger, but definitely not better, than before.

I ate more yesterday than I have in a long time, and am hoping with all my cardio, that even though I was over yesterday, week wise, I'll be okay. Also ran a 5K yesterday with dtr.

Family visiting, so not too much time sparking. Hope you have a great weekend emoticon emoticon emoticon

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OAKBORN 11/26/2009 10:18PM

    Hey girl! Glad to hear you are in a better place today! Glad you had a good day and got such compliments on your pies... which I saw that pic of and they are picture perfect... and if they taste even half so good... oh my goodness, they MUST be amazing.

Hang in there girl! I ate a fully loaded plate... and then had punkin pie later... and a few snackies after a healthy breakfast. Very relaxed all day... yay!

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HAWT_CHICK 11/26/2009 9:05PM

    hey sweetie hope that you had as fantastic a Thanksgiving as I did and judging by what you wrote you did :)

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Drowning on dry land.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I hate the holidays.

There, I said it.

Every year, I miss my mom horribly.

It's been 20 years and you'd think it would get better, but it doesn't...I think this year is the worst and the earliest for such a statement.

My dad actually said to me this morning when I said the words "I hate the holidays and I miss mom horribly"...he actually said, "well why don't you just be her and not be like that"

20 years ago, he said NOT to be her...I'm my own person and have to live my life and not worry about everybody else. WTF - now he says this?

I know it's frustration that makes me hate the holidays...decorating is all me....gifts are all me...few & far between are gifts that I honestly love & enjoy because hubby is the last minute guy...wrapping is me...organizing teacher gifts/class mom is me. Notice the word ME being repeated over & over. Go ahead...tell me I am being selfish...go ahead - I f-ing DARE you.

Boy oh boy....this rings of ANGER and frustration doesn't it; but if I don't vent - this is going to really eat me up inside.

I really just want to go back to bed and sleep...whoa..that is depression talk.

Ever just want to run away from the norm? Fantasy Island...I need Fantasy Island.

I have to snap out of it.

Is this helping right now? I don't know.

I think it's time to hit the treadmill again. It's been a while since I was sick a few weeks ago. I think I can get back to my normal routine. Forget that....I HAVE TO for sanity's sake.

Maybe I might not hate the holidays as much if I exercise everyday.

Mental note made: get back to my exercise today.

Kind of a scary blog for someone who is always happy crappy on here and in life in general...but like my page says, it's all about the journey and keeping it real. Right now, this is real and how I feel.

OK - back to work...and to breathe. I feel like I'm drowning on dry land....well there it is...my title. Was wondering what I was gonna put...there it is.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELTEAGUE 12/1/2009 3:51PM

    I am facing my first Christmas without my mom this year...and it is difficult.....and I was also sick ....so I know how you feel there , getting back to routine and exercise again!

we have decided to create a little Christmas tradition in memory of my mom and it is a special time!

take care and hope you woke up the next day feeling better, in my mind a good sleep fixes everything!
all the best ...



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OAKBORN 11/25/2009 10:52AM

    Annie dear,
You amaze me constantly with all that you do. You are the mom I wish I could be. REALLY.

But that being said, you need to find YOUR time and YOUR space... and you DESERVE it. Remember that if you don't take that time for yourself and recharge yourself you will have NOTHING to give to others. Even if you feel locked-in by your obligations/duties/gotta-do-it-caus
e-nobody-else-wills... take that treadmill time or meet a girlfriend for coffee time... it doesn't matter WHAT... what recharges you, gives you a little room to breathe is what you need to TAKE and not wait for it to be given.

Being honest with yourself in whatever format... I have personally found that blogging/journaling has afforded me a way to work stuff out... is a great step to getting yourself back on track. It's YOUR blog, if people don't like it... oh freaking well...

And on the missing mom thing... I hear you loud and clear there. It's been just 4 years for me... and the holidays are when I miss her the most. She made this time of year magickal for me when I was a child... and did her best to instill some of that even when she was wheelchair bound when we were adults. Last night I found an audio tape that she sent us when we lived in Germany 20 years ago. It was wonderful to hear her voice again... I cried but not so much sad as so good to hear that voice again.

And if I become independently wealthy, I'll take you with me to the Caribbean Beach with the cabana boy & slushy alcoholic drinks!

Hang in there girl... and don't forget to carve out the time for what you need... and I know sometimes it takes a pickaxe and mining helmet to do so!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/25/2009 10:54:58 AM

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BENSNANA2 11/25/2009 10:51AM

    If you find that island, let me know. I want to go with you!! I know what you mean about the "me" thing. I'm the one in our house that has to "do it all" also. My husband is just as surprised when everyone opens their gifts, because he has no idea what was bought. I decided one year that the reason no one else did anything, is because I was the one that just"took care of it all", and that year I wasn't going to do it alone, and gave fair warning. Did this change anything? Did DH step up to the plate? Heck no! And when things didn't get done I was running around last minute, which just increased my stress level more than if I would have done it all myself.
I lost my mother 3 years ago and I miss her, but holidays are the worse. I love my mother, but since she died every holiday is filled with, that's not your mothers recipe is it? your mother always served____ with that, I wish you could cook as well as her, and no one could decorate like your mother. I AM NOT MY MOTHER!!!
Sorry, I ramble on...must have hit a nerve! I guess we just have to do what we have to do for those we love.

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