ANNIEONLI   47,648
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Changing your mindset

Friday, May 28, 2010

I feel like an expert in the topic...I play with and fight with my head all the time. I know I was depressed at one point in my life (and no, a doctor didn't need to tell me that becuase hindsight is 20/20) and that was probably when I was my most heaviest - well, as a single person at least. But I can remember back to that time and now go to myself - WTF were you thinking? Where was the self-love? Where was the self-esteem? Not once did I think that I'd be anything except heavy and unloved, so that is where I was...stuck in a quagmire of self-pity.

OK - so it might not have been written on my sleeve, or tattoods across my chest, but underlying, it was there - all you needed to do was dig a little and it was there...hiding from everyone's view except my own...which mentally, I thought was really out there for all to see - written on my face. But it wasn't.

Anyway - eventually the story changed...hey, I found an awesome guy - when I was heavy too - who loved me for me, and had 3 great kids! But underneath, something was still there - that cruddy self-esteem of mine. You can laugh at this next part - I still mentally visualize myself as heavy...I'm still working on changing that mindset...it takes a long time to change that mental image...1.5 years later, still working on it.

So when I started Spark, I had to physically change my mindset. Why do I say "physically" for something mental??? Well, because if you don't say that you are "awesome" and "loved" - "smart" and "funny" outloud - well, then, sometimes the mind just won't hear you. Kinda like a 7 year old going, 'yeah yeah mom' but not really hearing for the 100th time to pick up his room. So everymorning, doing my makeup, I look in the mirror and say those words to myself. Even now I do this when I need a pep-talk. I'm not screaming them, it's just a whisper at times...and I become my own cheerleader.

Now stop - reverse that thinking....in my depressed stage of life...I was whispering how fat, ugly and useless and unloved I was...so really, it does make a lot of sense to change your mindset in this new way. I'm not even making this up - One of Spark's fast break things to choose is the 5 minute pep-talk...I picked that one and still use it today! I'm just saying - there is something to it.

So if you happen to be really beating yourself up for something? take a minute to look in the mirror - in your pretty eyes and say "hey you, cut it out! stop beating yourself up and move on and do something about it! You can do this!!"

Become your own cheerleader - you'll be glad you did.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OAKBORN 6/1/2010 9:31AM

    As usual my friend, you say something that is cogent to my situation. You have such wonderful insights... sigh...

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FULLOFFAITH 5/30/2010 10:25PM

    Thanks for the blog. I am guilty of beating my self up and not being so nice at times. I am working hard on changing my way of thinking. I have to remind my self I would never talk to others about their weight the way I go on and on about mine. I also realized the other day when thinking when I lost 39 pounds on WW the last time I never saw my self as thin. funny. it took me 7 months to get the weight off and a little over a year to put back on because I never learned to self love.

Lisa

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DWEXCEL 5/29/2010 8:18AM

    OMG----what stuck in my mind from what you said is that you still mentally visualize yourself as heavy. And knowing you, I know you are working on that.

But you know what's really weird....is that I never visualized myself as heavy. Even thirty something pounds ago, my visual image of myself was even thinner than I am now. A friend recently e-mailed us a picture of me and my husband dancing as a party when I was at my heaviest. I was just shocked.....did I really look like that?????(I should probably put that one in my photo gallery) And I know I still have a way to go to get to my goal(maybe 10 pounds, and I know I've been saying that for a while, but at least I haven't gained and am going in the right direction), but even looking at pictures now, I am still shocked that I am heavier than my mental visual image. I guess I should look at these more often, maybe that's what I need to get the scale moving again.

As always, you have tremendous insight, and I love you for sharing!

Take care,
Donna

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HEALTH4LYFE 5/28/2010 8:49PM

    I have been doing much more of the negative self talk, shy of confidence and excuses for not treating myself better. My pep talks usually occur when I am on a run and sometimes think I can't make it, or when I feel like quitting.
Your blog has given me some food for thought, which is a calorie free kind of food and much better for my mind. Thanks for sharing. emoticon

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SUZYWM 5/28/2010 3:54PM

    I love this, and will start using this as a faithful tool. It's a challenge to make time for myself to do even a bit of this, but that's just about old habits. I can do this.
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USARUNNERGIRL 5/28/2010 3:51PM

    Love this blog. I agree, when I am feeling the blues, I make myself say out loud 10 positives about me. Woot.

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SUCHAHOOT 5/28/2010 12:28PM

    I just LUV you!
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This is actually one part of a mini-challenge on one of my teams right now! To take the time to look in that mirror & say something wonderful! Gotta love it!

Comment edited on: 5/28/2010 1:41:35 PM

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SLENDERELLA61 5/28/2010 7:35AM

    Thanks. Seems very wise to me. I just might try it! -Marsha

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Thank you bird...thank you for the poopage

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Wow....I left off the last blog with a bird pooping on my head...and this is the thank you to the birdie for the poopage.

The weekend that just past was awesome for many reasons...the first being my younger sister became a Doctor...a Dentist actually and I am SO very proud of her!! Yay!! It was awesome seeing my father and his brother and sisters have an awesome weekend with each other too! They were so cute. 22 of us had a great time on Saturday touring Boston and having a pre-graduation party..it really was great.

A few of us hit some snafu's along the way...mainly my poor brother's back going out..and my stress levels at an all-time high regarding school and last minute solo-roadtrip travel...but ya know what? a bird pooped on my head, so it was all going to work out....right?

Well, that was the mantra for the weekend that I used, "a bird pooped on my head,and that is lucky, all will be OK."

Hey, I made it to Boston and back, I got help from my family when I needed it, I used my cellphone like a pro - talking to university admission administration while in dead-stop traffic...I accepted the fact that my school career might have to be put on hold for another year even.......all while muttering the mantra of "a bird pooped on my head, and that is lucky, all will be OK".

Yeah...about the university stress...a self-inflicted glitch of idiocy back in Feb lead me to believe that I had PLENTY of time to register for my summer class. Between that and having to reapply for summer admission, things got even more behind. So, um - No, you didn't have time and now you are blocked from not only one important class....but THREE! Nope, no stress AT ALL.

I emailed the prof...of course there isn't going to be an answer...hello it's the weekend!! So I waited to start my school project on Monday. Monday was very productive....I emailed the prof...I made important contact with his dept...a secretary got me into the FALL class (which newly opened and altho not summer like I wanted - I took it) and I still had a shot at the summer class if the prof said 'yes'. But alas, the prof came back and said 'no' because of the fall class that had opened up....well, at least I tried! But in the meantime, I shot out another email asking my nutrition advisor to explain a few things...and guess what, all the answered were 'YES" and I even have an advisement call set up for June 8th!

SO today the best news was this: Not only can I take one of the closed classes online thru another university, I can OMIT my Psych 100 class because I took it as an undergrad! So what if my fall and summer plans are switched... WOOHOOO!!!! This is HUGE!!! Time and money SAVED!!!!

But with all the nuttiness that went along with this past week of kids being sick, plans not going right, blah blah blah.....I kept saying that it all would be alright, and it turned out AOK after all.....but I also learned that I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to get into this masters program REALLY REALLY REALLY bad....and that I will be a Registered Dietician one day, no matter what.

When faced with the possibility of it not happening according to my "plan", it just made me want it even more...oh yes, I was like a woman possessed to find a solution to my problem this week, and it worked out. I'm not saying I have figured EVERYTHING out yet, but I sure as heck am on my way.

Nope, there is no settling or giving up on this dream. No way. No how.

So thanks little birdie for pooping on my head. Thank you universe-god-fate-whatever for the test...I passed. The score is me-1, failure-0.

Funny....even with a full moon on the rise....I feel just fine...all because of some bird poop. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUZYWM 5/28/2010 3:51PM

    You're emoticon !! Rolling with the, uh, poopies, getting to where you need to be. If I can take more things in stride like you, it all WILL be OK!

Great job working out the kinks with school. You'll be a great dietician!

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ZSAZSAJANNY 5/28/2010 12:46AM

    Gosh, and here I thought being pooped on by a giant bird just meant I was going to have extra smooth and shiny hair after a wonderous new 'conditioning' treatment! It really meant I was going to have good luck!
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SUCHAHOOT 5/27/2010 11:55PM

    Oh my gosh! Too much fun. Maybe I'll sit on my front porch tomorrow. Apparently it is the nearest roadside park for EVERYBODY! They rest themselves on the ceiling fan & poop and poop.

Anyway, congrats on all of the school stuff working out so well. I betcha before the summer is over or before the end of the fall session, you will discover some super great reason that those classes got switched! Can I tell you how proud I am that you are doing this? I think it is totally

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A bird pooped on my head

Friday, May 21, 2010

Yesterday, the rain let up, so I went outside to look at my herb seed sprouts to see how they were growing and a bird pooped on my head.

"They" say that it's good luck.....whoever "they" are. Even my Indian friend said that that is what her mother said to her back in India, so there ya go....it's globally known as "good luck" to have a bird crap on your head.

Now maybe, just maybe, the bird in the nest by my door was getting back at me for always going in and out, but hey, it's my door, go build your nest somewhere else tweetie. Maybe it was a sign from above that things were going to start to look up this week. Either way, I had to wash my hair.

A ton of stuff has gone on..mainly my 5 year old getting an illness that lasted for 4 solid days of fever, a stomach ache, then a headache, then a trip to the doc, then a negative strep, then a script to get CBC Blood tests done, then an embarrassing screamfest at the lab that resulted in no blood being drawn, then a call to the docs office to get an antibiotic just in case this thing was a bacterial infection, and not viral. And that was on all done on my Tuesday lunch hour. Well, the antibiotic seemed to work, and he's all pink & smiling again....and now at 1am...I just took my 3 year olds temp and it's 99. And we are going to Boston tomorrow. And I need another 5 days of fever like a hole in the head.

But then again...I have to count my blessings. I don't have a husband in hospice like my friend. I have a loving family that means the world to me. I have a hubby that is my other half. I have a friend who was there for me today just when I needed her. I have a graduation weekend with my entire family in Boston starting tomorrow...and we are all going on the ferry together!

Now...I have had other things that truly and honestly stunk this week, but I am not counting my chickens before they are hatched. Remember....I got pooped on by a bird, and that is good luck, so chances are that all will be fine.

Yup...a bird pooped on my head...and I am AOK with that.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FULLOFFAITH 5/24/2010 11:58PM

    I hope everyone is feeling better and you are enjoying your trip.
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TASOGAREBAN 5/22/2010 4:33PM

    LMAO! I got pooped on the head once. When I was younger, still young enough to sit on my mom's lap in the front seat of the car when dad would drive, I was sticking my head out the window and a bird pooped on me. Years later I was like, "Wait a minute...we were going pretty fast...was that bird AIMING??" LOL!

How are your kids doing today??

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ALLYALLYT 5/21/2010 1:07PM

    what a great outlook to have! thanks for sharing. emoticon

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SUCHAHOOT 5/21/2010 12:11PM

    Bird poop and blessings. What more could you ask for?

Hope everyone stays well. Love & enjoy being with your family!!

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LOOKINFIT1 5/21/2010 9:58AM

    Too funny! Hope everyone stays well on your trip.

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BOOCH6 5/21/2010 7:05AM

    What are the chances, of all the spots that poop could have fallen,(the garden, the walk, etc.) it fell on your head? You are truly blessed ! LOL
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BIKERDIANE 5/21/2010 5:02AM

    emoticon

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JANTWO 5/21/2010 1:03AM

    If it makes you feel better a bird pooped on my hubby's head awhile back too.

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Non-stop

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Hey all. I know it's been a while! Lots of stuff going on here.
Great news first, which I honestly don't think I've mentioned...2 new babies will be entering the family this year! WOoohOOOOohhoooo! My sister and sisterinlaw are both expecting! YAY! and then NEXT year, there will be a wedding!!! My other sister is engaged!!! WooohoooOOoooHOoooO!!

It's very exciting on all accounts!!!!

More good news....maintenance is still AOK. I can toot my horn here...137/138 is my average weight & that is just fine. What more could I ask for in that respect. My philosophy on weightloss is coming into play here....basically is keeping your weight stable for your lifestyle. And so at least I am walking the walk with that theory under my belt. My lifestyle went from being very active all day long, so sitting and studying during my downtime...therefore I am NOT as active and fit as I'd like to be, but if I am maintaining the weightloss, then I am happy with that. I will get back into the fitness part in due time. And I can't beat myself up over this either. I have to accept it - find healthy opportunities (which i still do) when I can, but no guilt is allowed because there is a bigger picture involving an important deadline that has to be met....and the clock is ticking fast.

Gee. No pressure..none at all.

OK - there is probably a small novella that I could write to entertain, but I really have to get back to a quiz. Procrastination happens here & there when I get stuck, but I have to rip off the bandaid, get it done and move on or else I will be behind.

Take care everyone...I miss being here and chatting...but now at least you know I'm still alive!! LoL

And remember, I still check in, so if you need me, just holler!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OAKBORN 5/17/2010 10:07PM

    You are amazing as always... I am resubbing to your blog, dunno why I got unsubbed! See you on the FB side of the world too!

Hugs!!

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LOOKINFIT1 5/16/2010 10:13AM

    Exciting news! You have found a good balance. Weight maintenance is good. School is the priority now with weight maintenance the supporting factor.

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HEALTH4LYFE 5/16/2010 8:18AM

    So proud of you for all you are tackling and accomplishing. You are an inspiration, truly!
For me activity is not the problem, it's eating less, despite the amount of activity. Gee, I think that's how I got here. Anyway, working on making today one which I will want to repeat and not regret. Off to the dreadmill. Take care.

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SUCHAHOOT 5/15/2010 5:09PM

    Hey girl!

I'm glad you peeked your head out! Also really happy to hear things are going well. Two new babies!! That will be so fun.

You rock doing everything you are doing! I'm proud of you for keeping the wieght off while tackling such a big goal. I'm finally getting there.

Take care & do keep us posted on your wonderful self.

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SUZYWM 5/15/2010 3:01PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Great job staying the course while being Mom-Wife-Student-Sister . . . It's an amazing challenge isn't it? Part of what I really like about school, even though keeping up with homework can be sooo hard, is that you get strokes and/or feedback that reflects your efforts. On a regular basis. And that's all you! To maintain your weight on top of that is fabulous.

I'm having a tough time in that area. I expect to make some headway as soon as finals are over, in just about a week. My onging challenge will be to find a way to incorporate those efforts into my jam packed schedule throughout the year, not just when I'm on a break from classes. We keep getting sick around here, and I know our immune systems would be stronger if we were all more active (especially me). Even taking swimming didn't keep me on track. I just didn't add enough activity outside of class to make the difference. Ah well, lessons being learned here.

Congratulations Girl! You set a great example.

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The craziest week ever is finally over

Monday, May 03, 2010

My goodness!!! Today is like the aftermath of a really good keg party in college....people wanting to sleep in, the house is a pseudo-mess of things randomly strewn here & there, having a headache that won't quit...wanting water like a camel gone dry. And the kicker is - noone drank! LOL!!! Well, they couldn't because they are only 8 and under, but they sure partied yesterday!


They had a blast with their cousins - 3 communion kids, 3 families converging on an American Legion Hall...one dj that was too loud, tons of food that went! Well, that was a good party in my kid's eyes! and a success in ours! The only thing we forgot to get were Communion cards & gifts for the other kids. Well, they have no choice but to deal and get it in the mail! Sorry, I completely flaked out on that one. ooops!

So today is 6 loads of laundry, photos uploaded to share later tonight, mail the cards out, try and get the little guy down for a nap and then do some chemistry while he is napping. Oh - and get rid of this headache. Uh oh I think I need to go food shopping too. Later tonight maybe. Oh no, I just looked at my calendar - the plant sale is at school for the kids - sent them in with no money....another OOoops! Ugh - I'm striking out big time this week so far & it hasn't even begun!! LOL

Well, one step at a time...that is all we can do right?
Whew - now to get back to work!!

Have a great day everyone!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OAKBORN 5/17/2010 10:06PM

    You are a great mom and amazing with everything you are able to do! You rock it so hard!!

Congrats on the first communion! Mine was 8th grade (I was raised Lutheran).

Sounds like the party was a huge blast, the kind that they kids will REALLY remember!

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SUZYWM 5/7/2010 5:58PM

    You are a super juggler! School and sick kids are making me completely crazy, even though I love 'em all. I'm not doing great with exercise or nutrition, but vow to get back to it. And if it takes until finals are over (end of month), that may just have to be OK.

Great job Super Mom, the communion pic is adorable.

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SUCHAHOOT 5/6/2010 6:17AM

    Hey girl! Love the picture! What a buncha fun you guys had! I'd love to be close enough to that much family & big enough to book the American Legion Hall! I'm so glad you had a wonderful weekend.

Tasogareban...you should be afraid...be very afraid! LOL! Just kidding. There's nothing else like it on the planet.

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TASOGAREBAN 5/3/2010 3:40PM

    Wow. I'm so glad I only have to worry about myself and the bf...and half the time he does a great job taking care of himself!

The thought of having kids still scares me!

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YAMINOKODOMO 5/3/2010 12:08PM

    glad the party was a success! lol Im tellin ya kids are party animals these days!

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JENSHAWN 5/3/2010 10:55AM

    You make my days look really boring!!! Take care Jenshawn

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