Friday, May 28, 2010
I feel like an expert in the topic...I play with and fight with my head all the time. I know I was depressed at one point in my life (and no, a doctor didn't need to tell me that becuase hindsight is 20/20) and that was probably when I was my most heaviest - well, as a single person at least. But I can remember back to that time and now go to myself - WTF were you thinking? Where was the self-love? Where was the self-esteem? Not once did I think that I'd be anything except heavy and unloved, so that is where I was...stuck in a quagmire of self-pity.
OK - so it might not have been written on my sleeve, or tattoods across my chest, but underlying, it was there - all you needed to do was dig a little and it was there...hiding from everyone's view except my own...which mentally, I thought was really out there for all to see - written on my face. But it wasn't.
Anyway - eventually the story changed...hey, I found an awesome guy - when I was heavy too - who loved me for me, and had 3 great kids! But underneath, something was still there - that cruddy self-esteem of mine. You can laugh at this next part - I still mentally visualize myself as heavy...I'm still working on changing that mindset...it takes a long time to change that mental image...1.5 years later, still working on it.
So when I started Spark, I had to physically change my mindset. Why do I say "physically" for something mental??? Well, because if you don't say that you are "awesome" and "loved" - "smart" and "funny" outloud - well, then, sometimes the mind just won't hear you. Kinda like a 7 year old going, 'yeah yeah mom' but not really hearing for the 100th time to pick up his room. So everymorning, doing my makeup, I look in the mirror and say those words to myself. Even now I do this when I need a pep-talk. I'm not screaming them, it's just a whisper at times...and I become my own cheerleader.
Now stop - reverse that thinking....in my depressed stage of life...I was whispering how fat, ugly and useless and unloved I was...so really, it does make a lot of sense to change your mindset in this new way. I'm not even making this up - One of Spark's fast break things to choose is the 5 minute pep-talk...I picked that one and still use it today! I'm just saying - there is something to it.
So if you happen to be really beating yourself up for something? take a minute to look in the mirror - in your pretty eyes and say "hey you, cut it out! stop beating yourself up and move on and do something about it! You can do this!!"
Become your own cheerleader - you'll be glad you did.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Wow....I left off the last blog with a bird pooping on my head...and this is the thank you to the birdie for the poopage.
The weekend that just past was awesome for many reasons...the first being my younger sister became a Doctor...a Dentist actually and I am SO very proud of her!! Yay!! It was awesome seeing my father and his brother and sisters have an awesome weekend with each other too! They were so cute. 22 of us had a great time on Saturday touring Boston and having a pre-graduation party..it really was great.
A few of us hit some snafu's along the way...mainly my poor brother's back going out..and my stress levels at an all-time high regarding school and last minute solo-roadtrip travel...but ya know what? a bird pooped on my head, so it was all going to work out....right?
Well, that was the mantra for the weekend that I used, "a bird pooped on my head,and that is lucky, all will be OK."
Hey, I made it to Boston and back, I got help from my family when I needed it, I used my cellphone like a pro - talking to university admission administration while in dead-stop traffic...I accepted the fact that my school career might have to be put on hold for another year even.......all while muttering the mantra of "a bird pooped on my head, and that is lucky, all will be OK".
Yeah...about the university stress...a self-inflicted glitch of idiocy back in Feb lead me to believe that I had PLENTY of time to register for my summer class. Between that and having to reapply for summer admission, things got even more behind. So, um - No, you didn't have time and now you are blocked from not only one important class....but THREE! Nope, no stress AT ALL.
I emailed the prof...of course there isn't going to be an answer...hello it's the weekend!! So I waited to start my school project on Monday. Monday was very productive....I emailed the prof...I made important contact with his dept...a secretary got me into the FALL class (which newly opened and altho not summer like I wanted - I took it) and I still had a shot at the summer class if the prof said 'yes'. But alas, the prof came back and said 'no' because of the fall class that had opened up....well, at least I tried! But in the meantime, I shot out another email asking my nutrition advisor to explain a few things...and guess what, all the answered were 'YES" and I even have an advisement call set up for June 8th!
SO today the best news was this: Not only can I take one of the closed classes online thru another university, I can OMIT my Psych 100 class because I took it as an undergrad! So what if my fall and summer plans are switched... WOOHOOO!!!! This is HUGE!!! Time and money SAVED!!!!
But with all the nuttiness that went along with this past week of kids being sick, plans not going right, blah blah blah.....I kept saying that it all would be alright, and it turned out AOK after all.....but I also learned that I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to get into this masters program REALLY REALLY REALLY bad....and that I will be a Registered Dietician one day, no matter what.
When faced with the possibility of it not happening according to my "plan", it just made me want it even more...oh yes, I was like a woman possessed to find a solution to my problem this week, and it worked out. I'm not saying I have figured EVERYTHING out yet, but I sure as heck am on my way.
Nope, there is no settling or giving up on this dream. No way. No how.
So thanks little birdie for pooping on my head. Thank you universe-god-fate-whatever for the test...I passed. The score is me-1, failure-0.
Funny....even with a full moon on the rise....I feel just fine...all because of some bird poop.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Yesterday, the rain let up, so I went outside to look at my herb seed sprouts to see how they were growing and a bird pooped on my head.
"They" say that it's good luck.....whoever "they" are. Even my Indian friend said that that is what her mother said to her back in India, so there ya go....it's globally known as "good luck" to have a bird crap on your head.
Now maybe, just maybe, the bird in the nest by my door was getting back at me for always going in and out, but hey, it's my door, go build your nest somewhere else tweetie. Maybe it was a sign from above that things were going to start to look up this week. Either way, I had to wash my hair.
A ton of stuff has gone on..mainly my 5 year old getting an illness that lasted for 4 solid days of fever, a stomach ache, then a headache, then a trip to the doc, then a negative strep, then a script to get CBC Blood tests done, then an embarrassing screamfest at the lab that resulted in no blood being drawn, then a call to the docs office to get an antibiotic just in case this thing was a bacterial infection, and not viral. And that was on all done on my Tuesday lunch hour. Well, the antibiotic seemed to work, and he's all pink & smiling again....and now at 1am...I just took my 3 year olds temp and it's 99. And we are going to Boston tomorrow. And I need another 5 days of fever like a hole in the head.
But then again...I have to count my blessings. I don't have a husband in hospice like my friend. I have a loving family that means the world to me. I have a hubby that is my other half. I have a friend who was there for me today just when I needed her. I have a graduation weekend with my entire family in Boston starting tomorrow...and we are all going on the ferry together!
Now...I have had other things that truly and honestly stunk this week, but I am not counting my chickens before they are hatched. Remember....I got pooped on by a bird, and that is good luck, so chances are that all will be fine.
Yup...a bird pooped on my head...and I am AOK with that.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Hey all. I know it's been a while! Lots of stuff going on here.
Great news first, which I honestly don't think I've mentioned...2 new babies will be entering the family this year! WOoohOOOOohhoooo! My sister and sisterinlaw are both expecting! YAY! and then NEXT year, there will be a wedding!!! My other sister is engaged!!! WooohoooOOoooHOoooO!!
It's very exciting on all accounts!!!!
More good news....maintenance is still AOK. I can toot my horn here...137/138 is my average weight & that is just fine. What more could I ask for in that respect. My philosophy on weightloss is coming into play here....basically is keeping your weight stable for your lifestyle. And so at least I am walking the walk with that theory under my belt. My lifestyle went from being very active all day long, so sitting and studying during my downtime...therefore I am NOT as active and fit as I'd like to be, but if I am maintaining the weightloss, then I am happy with that. I will get back into the fitness part in due time. And I can't beat myself up over this either. I have to accept it - find healthy opportunities (which i still do) when I can, but no guilt is allowed because there is a bigger picture involving an important deadline that has to be met....and the clock is ticking fast.
Gee. No pressure..none at all.
OK - there is probably a small novella that I could write to entertain, but I really have to get back to a quiz. Procrastination happens here & there when I get stuck, but I have to rip off the bandaid, get it done and move on or else I will be behind.
Take care everyone...I miss being here and chatting...but now at least you know I'm still alive!! LoL
And remember, I still check in, so if you need me, just holler!
Monday, May 03, 2010
My goodness!!! Today is like the aftermath of a really good keg party in college....people wanting to sleep in, the house is a pseudo-mess of things randomly strewn here & there, having a headache that won't quit...wanting water like a camel gone dry. And the kicker is - noone drank! LOL!!! Well, they couldn't because they are only 8 and under, but they sure partied yesterday!
They had a blast with their cousins - 3 communion kids, 3 families converging on an American Legion Hall...one dj that was too loud, tons of food that went! Well, that was a good party in my kid's eyes! and a success in ours! The only thing we forgot to get were Communion cards & gifts for the other kids. Well, they have no choice but to deal and get it in the mail! Sorry, I completely flaked out on that one. ooops!
So today is 6 loads of laundry, photos uploaded to share later tonight, mail the cards out, try and get the little guy down for a nap and then do some chemistry while he is napping. Oh - and get rid of this headache. Uh oh I think I need to go food shopping too. Later tonight maybe. Oh no, I just looked at my calendar - the plant sale is at school for the kids - sent them in with no money....another OOoops! Ugh - I'm striking out big time this week so far & it hasn't even begun!! LOL
Well, one step at a time...that is all we can do right?
Whew - now to get back to work!!
Have a great day everyone!!
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