ANNIEONLI   39,023
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ANNIEONLI's Recent Blog Entries

Where oh where did my blogs go?

Friday, August 13, 2010

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That is my face EVERY time I try to blog about something...and then I type it...and then I don't finish it because of some reason, and then I save it in my planner (unfinished) and then I never get back to it and forget I even wrote the previous one.....OR....I have some great and inspiring thought while doing my make-up and have a list a mile long for the store (at the same time) and then I go to write it out and I completely forget everything I listed out in my head!

It's like I need a giant sticky post-it attached to my forehead to remember stuff!! Eesh!
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ANYWHOOOOO.....I digress.....

So now I will attempt another (as my son asks me for breakfast - see what I mean?)....

July have been an AWESOME month!! I don't think we have had so much fun in a summer as much as this. I think it has a lot to do with no children being in diapers and that they all can communicate well now. A girlfriend of mine with a set of 3 whose ages are offset by mine by 2 years ahead (hers are 6, 8, 10 -mine are 4, 6, 8) said it gets better and better...so nice to see she was right!! emoticon Lost of swimming, lots of camping, lots of family and friends...all good things!

And now it is August... emoticon
And the kids are bored... emoticon
And my thoughts turn to school... emoticon
And the upcoming calendar that is filled in with activities already... emoticon
And then I think back on last year... emoticon
And I KNOW for a fact that this year will be better... emoticon
Because I learned from the past year's nuttiness how NOT to do & handle things and how I can change things just by changing my attitude towards them... emoticon

So when you think about it...it can be applied to SO many things that need changing in our lives (OOOOoooooo - thought on the fly here, one that was on a brain post-it about a week ago that I never blogged about). A week and a half ago, I was vacationing with my BFF from high school...and I was envying EVERYTHING about her, as I did in HS - her curvy hourglass figure (which she will say she would rather have less of, but I would kill for some hips believe it or not) - her hair with no grays and pretty color (which made me finally get mine done after 10 months of neglect) emoticon - her gumption at running during our vacation to train for a half-marathon (she is doing it for her and I am so proud - because I will state this as a hard and true fact, I am NOT a runner, and do not inspire to be one, but I do envy that drive in a person that does...it takes dedication of a different level in my eyes - but then again, I should never say never right?).

So with all that secret (well, not really, I told her) envying going on, as we drove to a pedicure, I openly said that I was in a slump and needed to get back on track with my exercise, even though I am maintaining just fine, I need to do it for me...and then I looked back into the past...to the past year on Spark..and low and behold, in front of my eyes was my answer from my own self. By logging every month/week what was going on, I had an insight into the past behaviors that otherwise would have been hard to recall and realized that last July/August, I did the same exact thing!!!! I had fun, I ate too much, I partied for my 10th wedding anniversary and in August, I hated myself for the overindulgence and got back on track.

So why am I pointing this out to you in a blog....Weeeeellll....it is an example of past behavior modification. If we are more aware of our past behavior in certain situations, then we can change them toward the better for ourselves. Past practice. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't....but we have the power to change it if we want it bad enough.

That being said, as for myself, already the new calendar year is riddled with cubscout craziness, which I am more in charge of, and all I can do is my best...to run things, and modify them into more of a simpler version of what was done in the past and to get more people involved because many hands make light work. The kids schedule is already filling up with other activities like religion, soccer and school on all levels (including being a bus driver to two 4 year olds to preschool) and piano lessons to 4. Add my own schooling to that, and we have one filled up calendar!! (ROFL! My poor husband, not even mentioned...so, ok, throw him in there somewhere, my other part of my self being forgotten like that - poor guy!)

But right now, there is a calm that was not there before. Last year was crazy and filled with new-ness (is that a word?) and changes, but this year, while there is the same craziness, the new is now old, and with that comes routine and calmness through experience. Older and wiser - is that what they say? I think it is...and if that is the case, I am glad to be older and wiser.
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Now....could someone bring on fall sooner than later? this heat and humidity is wearing thin....even the kids don't want to go in the pool and would rather stay in the a/c now!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMJSATURN 8/17/2010 12:34AM

    I to enjoyed this blog... after deciding to look for another avenue to lose weight. I am again checking into SPARK a little more. This was a past behaviors for me as well. At least weekly.

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SUCHAHOOT 8/15/2010 5:11PM

    Hey Girlfriend!
So, are you exercising again yet? I'm on again, off again. I sure feel better when I'm on!!

I'm excited about fall too. I love the season and the routine it brings...even if it is busy! I think it's great that you have your blogs to look back on & see where (&why) you were. Maybe I should consider it.

I can't wait to hear about BSA this year. Is your extra busy little guy coming back? DD is doing Girl Scouts this year for the first time. I like the Moms who are doing it. We are both looking forward to it.

emoticon to hear from you emoticon emoticon

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SASSYSACY 8/13/2010 11:38AM

    Wow! Very enlightening. I always enjoy your blogs!

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TASOGAREBAN 8/13/2010 9:43AM

    You know I was just mentioning this to a friend of mine on livejournal because she's talking about getting school stuff for her daughter who is 5 years old and she's listing all this craziness she's going through and for one hot minute I was VERY envious of her. I don't know why I get this feeling but I blame fall because once august rolls into september I think about all those cute old images of kids in seats and an apple for the teacher and going to a school away from brooklyn, more suburban. Your blog reminds me of all that. And it sounds CRAZY hectic and I know if I were actually in the middle of all that I'd be like, "WHY DID I WISH FOR THIS??" but sometimes being on the other side of it makes me want more.

I don't know if that made any kind of sense but your blog makes me wish fall was here. Woohoo! I love this feeling! Welcome back!

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HEALTH4LYFE 8/13/2010 9:29AM

    It's always good to hear from you and about your life and what has been going on. You are right! Reflection on where we have been can help prevent us from making the same choices, especially if we want something different. That familiar saying about "History repeating itself" comes to mind. I think that is one reason SP is so successful for so many. It is not a short term thing. It is about changing your lifestyle. If we continue with the diet mentality, then just like other previously failed diets, SP will most likely not work.
Best of luck to your friend on her first half. Mine is in November. And I have already said I wouldn't do a marathon, but as you said, "Never say never!"
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YAMINOKODOMO 8/13/2010 9:27AM

    LOL I agree! I want fall here now! Not only cause Fall is my favorite time of the year but because this heat is killing me too and I dont even want to SEE my next electric bill... *sigh*

Anyways! I am glad you have been having an awesome summer so far! I hope you guys get to enjoy the last of it before school starts again cause you definitely sound like you have a busy schedule!

And you can do it! You can get out of your little rut and get back into your routine! Summer does that to ya, when your having fun being out of the house, exercising isnt really on the mind.. Well now since summer is coming close to an end, not really but kinda, you can start setting your own little schedule for your routine so you can get back to kicking butt!

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OAKBORN 8/13/2010 9:26AM

    Hang in there girl! You are amazing!!

Your biggest fan in MO!

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DWEXCEL 8/13/2010 8:28AM

    Good Morning Annie Girl!

I know I have certainly missed your blogs. I am giggling, and saying..."me too" to everything you had to say.

This heat and humidity is killer.....I've been working out hard all summer long, but all of a sudden, I just can't take this humidity. We don't have central air, we live where you're not supposed to need it.....lol!!! Our 2 window units have been working over time for sure. But for some reason, I woke up yesterday feeling sluggish, sweaty, puffy, inflamed, swollen, just plain miserable from the humidity, and decided to take the day off, and today, I'm feeling the same way. Yuck!!!!

Glad to see you are back in full swing!

Luv ya!
Donna emoticon emoticon

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My crazy exhausting fun weekend!

Monday, July 12, 2010

The weekend started with getting ready for a "FANCY HAMPTONS" party. Notice the quotes there....what is thought and what it IS are 2 different things here, but I digress....

First is the dress....HOW do I figure this one out? First dress had back spillage - ummm..no, not wearing that one. Second dress borrowed from sister, fit just right, yet....it's very long and I'm not feeling all that great with that. Third and final dress....homemade by me, last minute.

LOL - see that dress....well, it's an old black peasant skirt that I wore 3 years ago, that has been hanging in my closet and never worn again, that I can't wear on my hips anymore because it's a large....so I woke up from a pre-party nap with this vision: I need to bring something else to wear if it rains...the black skirt,...belt it! Cheesy white grommet belt to the rescue, a little tweaking to the hem....WHALLAH! Instant dress! accessorize and there you have it....perfect little summer dress for the Hamptons! As you can see from the pic, me and my buddy Ann (we share the same name, and her birthday is the day before mine - cool huh?) - well we went to a vineyard and picked up a bottle or two of the vino emoticon Just a few bottles.... emoticon

So, back to the party. Everyone knows the Hamptons of Long Island right???? Rich people, fancy houses....well, that is what most people think of in the first place. Basically, not my crowd at all! LOL The party was all built up, but did not deliver..food, not so hot... entertainment - a dj that couldn't finish a good song before he started another one (hard to dance like that) and girl with a techno violin that hurt your ears over and over again with the 5 notes she played....but what I did enjoy was my friend's face all night - she had an absolute BLAST visiting with people she used to know here and there. so we got all dressed up for basically nothing much...but it was still fun to get dressed up nonetheless!!!

I got home and went to bed by 1:30am

By 9am the next morning this is what I was doing:

For 4 hours...with my sons...I washed and washed cars....lots and lots of cars:

We had fun doing it...and I stayed even past my kids, but OMG - was I WIPED OUT and in fact, I am still tired today!!

I wouldn't trade this weekend for anything, as crazy and topsy turvy as it was. It's not everyday you can get to say you went to a fancy Hamptons party...and seeing a bunch of people you love smile from ear to ear is the best thing to see some times!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YAMINOKODOMO 7/13/2010 4:55PM

    I got to say, 2 thumbs up for the dress! I love creative people!! Its awesome to see what you can do with a little bit of thought and a little bit of accessories!

I am glad you had a fun and crazy weekends! I love those weekends that a super packed with fun hanging out wit the fam and friends!

Glad you had a good time!

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FULLOFFAITH 7/13/2010 3:30PM

    Oh it sounds like fun. Thanks for the recap.

FYI- You look absolutely adorable.

Lisa

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DWEXCEL 7/13/2010 6:52AM

    What a great idea with the skirt-to-dress choice. I saw a girl on tv the other day, who is doing that with all her old clothes in her closet and selling them!!!! She has come up with an awesome little business. Anyway, the dress looks great! And you look beautiful! Sounds like you had a wonderful time! And the car wash was probably fun, too!

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Donna

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OAKBORN 7/12/2010 4:33PM

    Glad you had such a great weekend! Improv, thy name is Anne!

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TUBLADY 7/12/2010 4:27PM

    What fun, hanging out with your best friend. And spending time with your kids. priceless. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TASOGAREBAN 7/12/2010 4:26PM

    LOL sweet! Glad you had tons of fun! I think of th Hamptons and I think of Royal Pains, that show on USA with the concierge doctor and his brother. Good improvising! And you can always put down the car washing as cardio! Double awesome! :)

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My husband is the best and turned into MY inspiration!

Friday, July 09, 2010

I have to give my husband all the kudos in the world. Not only has he been the greatest support over the last 2 years with my journey and schooling, but he got me back in the saddle with the exercise this time around.

In the last 6 months or so...maybe even a year, my husband has had his own transforming journey. He started out around 220 (his heaviest was 245 at one point) and is now 172 and is trying to maintain 170-175 while firming up his muscle tone. The weightloss was mainly due to diet changes...no tracking involved with him - just better choices and smaller portions. He cut out his favorite things, soda and chips....and it made a world of difference. I am SO PROUD of him!!! and I can honestly say that this is the first time I have every heard him openly talk about maintenance goals and maintainability for the rest of his life! That part sounds just like me! :)

I have never pressured him to do this...it was all on his own. Now that he is starting to exercise again, he inspired me to get me back on my own regime - and it feels great to feel those muscles ache again!!!!

We are approaching our 11th wedding anniversary next week and we are the healthiest we've been since we have been together. We found eat other at our heaviest...and now look at where our lives have led us...SO cool....SO amazing!

Ain't love grand!!!!!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMJSATURN 8/17/2010 12:27AM

    Love the inspiration... emoticon




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SUCHAHOOT 8/15/2010 5:14PM

    emoticon

What a great thing to work toward and accomplish together!!

Yea!!

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MERAINA 8/11/2010 3:49PM

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Love it!

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HEALTH4LYFE 7/15/2010 9:05PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Both of you deserve kudos!! You inspire each other, you look out for each other and most importantly, love each other.
Happy Anniversary!! emoticon

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IAMLION 7/15/2010 6:27PM

    emoticon Great job to hubby!!!!! He's emoticon

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DWEXCEL 7/10/2010 6:55AM

    Wow! I'm so glad you shared that. My husband has complained about his weight (and mine) for years. We both gained 40 and 50 pounds by the time of our 15th anniversary. But I've been doing good since 2007. But here's the thing. About 2 weeks ago, he asked me if I had any exercise dvd's that were good, but not too hard, so I have him the Biggest Loser Boot Camp and Leslie Sansone's 3 mile walk. And he's been alternating them now for 2 weeks He's about 225 now, and would like to be right around 200 by the time we go back to Florida, which equals to about 5-6 pounds a month for him. And I'm working on my 12 by the end of August. But like you, I didn't put any pressure; he came up with this all on his own. I'm thinking, maybe these guys were impressed with what we both have done, and wanted to do it too. So that's pretty powerful stuff! Plus, it's been kinnda fun discussing our workouts and watching what we eat together. And he'll ask me, ...Can I eat this?

And like you said...it makes me more motivated too!

Take care,
Donna emoticon emoticon

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OAKBORN 7/9/2010 1:53PM

    What a wonderful tribute to the man you love!

Congrats on 11 and may you have many more HEALTHY years to come together!!

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Fast break is the way to go

Friday, July 02, 2010

Out of control thinking is getting booted out the door...

Out of control eating is getting booted out the door...

I'm on my 7th cup of water today - my water intake took a hit during camping...

Lots of things coming up with holidays and vacations....unforunately, alcohol consumption has been on the rise, which kinda negates all the good, but still, do more good and the damage will be less in the long run...

New things were talked over with the hubs, now that he is home with the kiddos for the summer....we are both going to help each other with weights and a half hour of walking a day, and I have to focus on doing one thing of school a day as well...break out the calendar, I mean business this summer...

It's all about mind over matter, and the mind is ready to kick some bootay!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OAKBORN 7/5/2010 8:00PM

    Reasses, reevaluate, readjust... you are doing what you need to do for yourself and your family!!

Remember... we are part of the 10%! emoticon emoticon

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SUZYWM 7/2/2010 9:04PM

    You can do it! Sounds like you have a plan in place. I'm feeling inspired by your attitude. Thanks!

Happy Independence Day weekend!

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Family pictures

Monday, June 28, 2010

My sisters have been going through old family pics lately. Well, they looked cute, despite all the fashions..I unfortunately do not think so much of myself. This has been something that has plagued me my whole life...the heaviness...the unhappiness...the shyness that, well maybe only I can see in my face. In every picture, when you can find one, I can tell you EXACTLY what I was thinking about my weight at that time in my life....especially around 10 years old and after. I WISH I could sit down and enjoy the pics with them, but it is a bit too hard for me to do....maybe one day I won't feel so ..... ashamed. It's hearbreaking to hear your father say, "Oh Anne" and know exactly what he is referring to in an instant, before the words "I never saw you as that heavy" are spoken.

So, enough of that, back to the present and reality. The pictures are different - go ahead and take them! I don't mind how I look now, even in the more unflattering ones. Go ahead and take them, it documents that I was there - present and accounted for! Go ahead and take them, I will try not to pick myself apart like before!

Part of my maintenance now is accepting things as they are. It's a hard thing to process when your mind has a habit of being negative, even after success in WEIGHT maintenance. Let's call it Body Image Maintenance.

At some point in time, in the past 2 months, I'd say, my mental body image has taken a hit. Not working out regularly brought on the dreaded "bat wing" arms (the kind that keep on waving after the waving has ceased) and the belly pooch that was NOT there 8 months ago. The mental body image...well, it's now at a weight of 165. THAT is NOT good. I can tell you RIGHT NOW that in the past, that type of mental head game made me GAIN weight back times 2!! "Oh, I can eat this, I've been good, it's not THAT many cals" or "oh it all balances out, I can eat that and work on it tomorrow" (big fat liar). Another big fat lie is "Well, I have time to get fit before the reunion (wedding, insert occassion here)".

Hello dear, it is time for a wakeup call...you are lying to yourself again and it is not a good thing to listen to the little devil on your shoulder...she is the one that killed your self image in the first place...knock the crud out of her and bring back the pretty guardian angel that sat there before.

Another reason for this blog is the whole bathing suit thing. I keep picking apart my torsoe - in all it's lumpy, pizza dough glory. So help me GOD (and this IS a prayer here) - help me not pick myself apart! I've had 3 children...a suitcase worth of excess skin...stretch marks since I was 13! PLEASE help me not pick myself apart! It is SO hard not to compare myself to others. It is SO hard not to be ashamed of, what I now consider, battle scars. It is SO hard sometimes. Give me the mental strength to get past this garbage in my head. Amen.

That being said...I'm going to do my strength training now. Baby steps are what I'm back to. My ball and band are my friends. My best friend, Treadmill, has been uncovered in the basement once again and the place has had a much needed cleaning done yesterday. I looked back at my journals from last year for a reality check on what I was and where I was....thank heavens for Spark is all I can say.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DWEXCEL 6/30/2010 8:46AM

    OK Girlfriend.....you stop that right now. No more Negative thinking out of you!!!

You are just REAL, and don't ever forget that. Remember how far you have come on this journey, and put a smile back on your face. If it was EASY all of us would be thin. You are only human, (although sometimes I think you are a super-woman), and it is human nature to back slide every once in a while; it just is. And it is also human nature to beat ourselves up.

But you are way passed that; you are just having one of those moments. I wish I could say I was a maintainer, but I'm on my way. But sometimes, maintenance is the hardest part. I know exactly what you mean when you justify, OH I can eat this because I worked out SO hard today; or I can take today off, because I've been so good this week. Believe me, I've done that route for years, and wondered why I wasn't loosing ....I work out so dang hard, but yet I still let myself have those Margaritas, and that bowl of ice cream, and frankly, I told myself that I deserved it.......

Don't let yourself get caught up in the moment. Step back, take and deep breath, and remember what YOU CAN DO, because you have proven yourself lady. Don't let yourself be sucked in to those old feelings when you look at those pictures. Look at them, and be proud of what you have become, because you have accomplished SO MUCH, not only for you, but for the many other people who YOU INSPIRE AND MOTIVATE. Just remember that you are human, and when you look at those pictures, just smile and say......yes that was part of my journey, but look how far I've come. And feel good about that.

That "leg" of your journey is what gives you your empathy and understanding, that you are so good at spreading to your Spark Friends. And it's also the reason that you are on your way to becoming an RD, and don't ever forget that.

We all get overwhelmed by life, and you've got a lot going on with 3 boys, a husband, a house to keep, meals to plan, work, school, ....and well, you get the picture. But you are an amazing woman, who has proven herself. And just wave at the old Annie, and say thanks girl.....you got me here, and I can do it.

And whatever you do, STOP COMPARING your body to anybody's body. We are all so brainwashed that we think we have to look like the models on the cover of all these magazines. Don't forget.......THEY DON'T EVEN LOOK LIKE THAT!!!! You just continue to take care of the body that you have, and you have all the tools to make it be the best it can be.

To use one of your own phrases...."Pick yourself up by your bootstraps", and remember what your goal is and how much you want it. Remember how far you have come, and remind yourself how many other Sparkers you have helped. And then pat youself on the back, and say " I've got this!" Because, if anybody does, YOU DO!

Love ya!
Donna
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SUZYWM 6/28/2010 1:08PM

    Having lost and regained so many pounds, I understand what you're saying. emoticon emoticon

You've accomplished so much, you're not the same person from those pictures and memories anymore. You're raising your family (I can tell how much you love them from your posts!) and getting through school. You have made other priorities important, and only you can say whether that's OK for you.

Be kind to yourself, you'll hold on to what you want to and lose what you don't want. It'll be OK. Besides - you're fabulous and funny and strong! Keep all that in mind. You rock girl!

Comment edited on: 6/28/2010 1:14:03 PM

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OAKBORN 6/28/2010 11:07AM

    My dear friend you are not alone! emoticon

I am still mentally 205 lbs, and I too have been playing the game of, "I'll eat a little extra and it won't hurt anything, or if I don't exercise tonight I can make it up tomorrow." That is why I'm up nearly 10 lbs and my clothes are getting tighter.

I hear you on the skin thing too! I have stretch marks everywhere too! (and have since my teen years)

Yes yes baby steps. New goals. Whatever it takes to get back on track. We can do this!

Remember the old song "Inch by inch, row by row..." though it was written about a garden, it is fitting, it's the garden of you! And the inches can come off, and those dumbbell rows are good for you! emoticon

We are riding a similar rollercoaster! Whoever said that maintenance was going to be easy, I snort in their general direction.

Hang in there girl! You got me hanging right next to you!
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