Friday, August 13, 2010
That is my face EVERY time I try to blog about something...and then I type it...and then I don't finish it because of some reason, and then I save it in my planner (unfinished) and then I never get back to it and forget I even wrote the previous one.....OR....I have some great and inspiring thought while doing my make-up and have a list a mile long for the store (at the same time) and then I go to write it out and I completely forget everything I listed out in my head!
It's like I need a giant sticky post-it attached to my forehead to remember stuff!! Eesh!
So now I will attempt another (as my son asks me for breakfast - see what I mean?)....
July have been an AWESOME month!! I don't think we have had so much fun in a summer as much as this. I think it has a lot to do with no children being in diapers and that they all can communicate well now. A girlfriend of mine with a set of 3 whose ages are offset by mine by 2 years ahead (hers are 6, 8, 10 -mine are 4, 6, 8) said it gets better and better...so nice to see she was right!! Lost of swimming, lots of camping, lots of family and friends...all good things!
And now it is August...
And the kids are bored...
And my thoughts turn to school...
And the upcoming calendar that is filled in with activities already...
And then I think back on last year...
And I KNOW for a fact that this year will be better...
Because I learned from the past year's nuttiness how NOT to do & handle things and how I can change things just by changing my attitude towards them...
So when you think about it...it can be applied to SO many things that need changing in our lives (OOOOoooooo - thought on the fly here, one that was on a brain post-it about a week ago that I never blogged about). A week and a half ago, I was vacationing with my BFF from high school...and I was envying EVERYTHING about her, as I did in HS - her curvy hourglass figure (which she will say she would rather have less of, but I would kill for some hips believe it or not) - her hair with no grays and pretty color (which made me finally get mine done after 10 months of neglect) - her gumption at running during our vacation to train for a half-marathon (she is doing it for her and I am so proud - because I will state this as a hard and true fact, I am NOT a runner, and do not inspire to be one, but I do envy that drive in a person that does...it takes dedication of a different level in my eyes - but then again, I should never say never right?).
So with all that secret (well, not really, I told her) envying going on, as we drove to a pedicure, I openly said that I was in a slump and needed to get back on track with my exercise, even though I am maintaining just fine, I need to do it for me...and then I looked back into the past...to the past year on Spark..and low and behold, in front of my eyes was my answer from my own self. By logging every month/week what was going on, I had an insight into the past behaviors that otherwise would have been hard to recall and realized that last July/August, I did the same exact thing!!!! I had fun, I ate too much, I partied for my 10th wedding anniversary and in August, I hated myself for the overindulgence and got back on track.
So why am I pointing this out to you in a blog....Weeeeellll....it is an example of past behavior modification. If we are more aware of our past behavior in certain situations, then we can change them toward the better for ourselves. Past practice. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't....but we have the power to change it if we want it bad enough.
That being said, as for myself, already the new calendar year is riddled with cubscout craziness, which I am more in charge of, and all I can do is my best...to run things, and modify them into more of a simpler version of what was done in the past and to get more people involved because many hands make light work. The kids schedule is already filling up with other activities like religion, soccer and school on all levels (including being a bus driver to two 4 year olds to preschool) and piano lessons to 4. Add my own schooling to that, and we have one filled up calendar!! (ROFL! My poor husband, not even mentioned...so, ok, throw him in there somewhere, my other part of my self being forgotten like that - poor guy!)
But right now, there is a calm that was not there before. Last year was crazy and filled with new-ness (is that a word?) and changes, but this year, while there is the same craziness, the new is now old, and with that comes routine and calmness through experience. Older and wiser - is that what they say? I think it is...and if that is the case, I am glad to be older and wiser.
Now....could someone bring on fall sooner than later? this heat and humidity is wearing thin....even the kids don't want to go in the pool and would rather stay in the a/c now!!
Monday, July 12, 2010
The weekend started with getting ready for a "FANCY HAMPTONS" party. Notice the quotes there....what is thought and what it IS are 2 different things here, but I digress....
First is the dress....HOW do I figure this one out? First dress had back spillage - ummm..no, not wearing that one. Second dress borrowed from sister, fit just right, yet....it's very long and I'm not feeling all that great with that. Third and final dress....homemade by me, last minute.
LOL - see that dress....well, it's an old black peasant skirt that I wore 3 years ago, that has been hanging in my closet and never worn again, that I can't wear on my hips anymore because it's a large....so I woke up from a pre-party nap with this vision: I need to bring something else to wear if it rains...the black skirt,...belt it! Cheesy white grommet belt to the rescue, a little tweaking to the hem....WHALLAH! Instant dress! accessorize and there you have it....perfect little summer dress for the Hamptons! As you can see from the pic, me and my buddy Ann (we share the same name, and her birthday is the day before mine - cool huh?) - well we went to a vineyard and picked up a bottle or two of the vino Just a few bottles....
So, back to the party. Everyone knows the Hamptons of Long Island right???? Rich people, fancy houses....well, that is what most people think of in the first place. Basically, not my crowd at all! LOL The party was all built up, but did not deliver..food, not so hot... entertainment - a dj that couldn't finish a good song before he started another one (hard to dance like that) and girl with a techno violin that hurt your ears over and over again with the 5 notes she played....but what I did enjoy was my friend's face all night - she had an absolute BLAST visiting with people she used to know here and there. so we got all dressed up for basically nothing much...but it was still fun to get dressed up nonetheless!!!
I got home and went to bed by 1:30am
By 9am the next morning this is what I was doing:
For 4 hours...with my sons...I washed and washed cars....lots and lots of cars:
We had fun doing it...and I stayed even past my kids, but OMG - was I WIPED OUT and in fact, I am still tired today!!
I wouldn't trade this weekend for anything, as crazy and topsy turvy as it was. It's not everyday you can get to say you went to a fancy Hamptons party...and seeing a bunch of people you love smile from ear to ear is the best thing to see some times!
Friday, July 02, 2010
Out of control thinking is getting booted out the door...
Out of control eating is getting booted out the door...
I'm on my 7th cup of water today - my water intake took a hit during camping...
Lots of things coming up with holidays and vacations....unforunately, alcohol consumption has been on the rise, which kinda negates all the good, but still, do more good and the damage will be less in the long run...
New things were talked over with the hubs, now that he is home with the kiddos for the summer....we are both going to help each other with weights and a half hour of walking a day, and I have to focus on doing one thing of school a day as well...break out the calendar, I mean business this summer...
It's all about mind over matter, and the mind is ready to kick some bootay!!
Monday, June 28, 2010
My sisters have been going through old family pics lately. Well, they looked cute, despite all the fashions..I unfortunately do not think so much of myself. This has been something that has plagued me my whole life...the heaviness...the unhappiness...the shyness that, well maybe only I can see in my face. In every picture, when you can find one, I can tell you EXACTLY what I was thinking about my weight at that time in my life....especially around 10 years old and after. I WISH I could sit down and enjoy the pics with them, but it is a bit too hard for me to do....maybe one day I won't feel so ..... ashamed. It's hearbreaking to hear your father say, "Oh Anne" and know exactly what he is referring to in an instant, before the words "I never saw you as that heavy" are spoken.
So, enough of that, back to the present and reality. The pictures are different - go ahead and take them! I don't mind how I look now, even in the more unflattering ones. Go ahead and take them, it documents that I was there - present and accounted for! Go ahead and take them, I will try not to pick myself apart like before!
Part of my maintenance now is accepting things as they are. It's a hard thing to process when your mind has a habit of being negative, even after success in WEIGHT maintenance. Let's call it Body Image Maintenance.
At some point in time, in the past 2 months, I'd say, my mental body image has taken a hit. Not working out regularly brought on the dreaded "bat wing" arms (the kind that keep on waving after the waving has ceased) and the belly pooch that was NOT there 8 months ago. The mental body image...well, it's now at a weight of 165. THAT is NOT good. I can tell you RIGHT NOW that in the past, that type of mental head game made me GAIN weight back times 2!! "Oh, I can eat this, I've been good, it's not THAT many cals" or "oh it all balances out, I can eat that and work on it tomorrow" (big fat liar). Another big fat lie is "Well, I have time to get fit before the reunion (wedding, insert occassion here)".
Hello dear, it is time for a wakeup call...you are lying to yourself again and it is not a good thing to listen to the little devil on your shoulder...she is the one that killed your self image in the first place...knock the crud out of her and bring back the pretty guardian angel that sat there before.
Another reason for this blog is the whole bathing suit thing. I keep picking apart my torsoe - in all it's lumpy, pizza dough glory. So help me GOD (and this IS a prayer here) - help me not pick myself apart! I've had 3 children...a suitcase worth of excess skin...stretch marks since I was 13! PLEASE help me not pick myself apart! It is SO hard not to compare myself to others. It is SO hard not to be ashamed of, what I now consider, battle scars. It is SO hard sometimes. Give me the mental strength to get past this garbage in my head. Amen.
That being said...I'm going to do my strength training now. Baby steps are what I'm back to. My ball and band are my friends. My best friend, Treadmill, has been uncovered in the basement once again and the place has had a much needed cleaning done yesterday. I looked back at my journals from last year for a reality check on what I was and where I was....thank heavens for Spark is all I can say.
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