Sunday, December 19, 2010
ahhh...the time is FINALLY here!
The last minute things to buy...the last minute things to take care of....the whole hustle & bustle of it all!!!
And yet, what I look forward to the most is the after effect...the kids playing with their toys...the family praising the meal devoured in record time...the lack of cookie eating because we are so stuffed from the meal itself! The silliness of siblings being together!
I look forward to seeing an old friend or two....of driving 7 hours to have New Years at another old friend's house....a spur of the moment lark that has now become a tradition 4 years later!
Most of all, I look forward to the new year...in the last 4 years, no STOP! I take that back, make that 10 years, my husband & I never stay awake long enough to ring it in...but this year, we plan to. There is something about a new year that has all sorts of possibilies in it....maybe I will see someone I have yet to meet face to face! maybe I will run a marathon! maybe I will take ballroom dancing classes! maybe I will renew my wedding vows on a beach! Who knows what is in store? All I know it that the possibilities are endless!!!!!!
Years back, before kids & my husband...before Spark too, the new year was quite the opposite - it was depressing - already filled with things I would never do, of things I would never accomplish, of things that other people got to experience and I justgot to wonder about.
So glad that things took a turn around....yeah, I do thank Spark for a lot of it because I finally found a place and myself in the process.
That is what I wish for everyone who reads this...consider it a cyber Christmas gift Wish for you. If I were magic, I'd wave my wand and grant you whatever you desire...but I have this feeling that it's already right inside your heart.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Yeah - some times you have to just take it.
The lack of tracking, exercise, eating right. Admitting the hard plain truth that you are not doing what is right is the hardest and first thing to do in order to get back onto a more positive path.
So what do you do....or rather, what do most of us do?
We ignore that truth that is staring at us in the mirror and keep on going on the same road as before.
But the truth is there....and it KNOWS that it is eventually going to come out.
It takes it's time.
It can wait for yeeeeeaaars....and years....and years...
The veil is lifted and we see what is really staring back at us.
One does not have to be 400 pounds....or 300, or 200...That veil can come off of a 125 pound person too....
One does not have to be rich or poor or of any particular religious belief....the lifted veil reveals what is inside at our most inner core....the self that needs to be loved.
But self love is harder to figure out than self-loathing. It's easier to be mean than kind in many cases, and even more so when it comes to ourselves. Self love takes discipline and acceptance of things we cannot change, and of accepting the challenge to change the things that we can.
In finding our love for ourselves...that positive energy spreads into other areas of our lives and the people we come into contact every day: our direct families, our coworkers, our friends and our neighbors.
Finding that part of ourselves can take years, but it can be done.
The first step is to look in that mirror and take it on the chin: to say it out loud that things need to change and to immediately say that it starts TODAY....with one little step each day.
That one little step will eventually turn into a yard...the a mile...and a few stumbles along the way are just and only that, a few stumbles that make you learn to regain your stride and balance to take that continuing next step......and so on.
Before you know it. You find it.....
Monday, November 29, 2010
.....with what you may ask??
My stomach....my pizza dough tummy....my thinnest tummy I have ever had.
See what I mean?!?
No amount of stomach crunch is going to ever get rid of the skin. None. I have to accept that.
The stretch marks are like tattoo's or scars from an old battle. I have to accept that.
But I love the fact that I have definition where there was none.
I love the fact that when I try to wear something fitted I do not cringe inwardly and hang it back in the closet....although at times of the month, there is no way I would wear something fitted.
I mentioned it to my now skinny husband that it's amazing how men's bodies and women's bodies are so different....for pete's sake, he looks cut without even working out at this point...that son of a gun! He just looked at me and said, "honey, you've had 3 kids, it's part of you."......a compliment of "your still sexy to me" would have been a nice add, but I'm not going to split hairs here
So the moral of the story is to accept the things we cannot change, and try to change the things we can....preferably without major surgery although....if I were loaded....yeah, at this point in maintaining, I'd get a tummy tuck!
Monday, November 22, 2010
I had no intention of doing my makeup today....or even showering...until maybe later in the day, but not this morning. I figured I'd get the kids to school as usual, hit the grocery store, as is my routine, and then come home and shower up....but today, I jumped in the shower real quick, and my makeup turned into a test for my little sister's wedding next year...AND to try and cover this huge GINORMOUS ZIT that decided to say hello this week on my cheek. I played up the eyes mostly to distract people from the zit...and then I decided to try on my little sister's purple shirt she gave me in a bag of hand me downs (yeah, I need clothes and I am not afraid to try even my thin sister's stuff on now!) ...anyway, it fit! So that just made my day start even better!!!!
It's nice to start off a day feeling pretty (even despite a mammoth zit) and to be in a de-stressed and happy mood. I admit that it's been crazy around here, and today just felt different....less crazy, and you know what? I'll TAKE it! It's been a looong time to feel this way! LoL
Well, I am glad I looked pretty today....the produce guy certainly was attentive today! ROFL!!! and the young man in the book store certainly was as well...I think...or maybe me giggling over an Amy Sedaris cookbook caught his attention. Either way, I felt eyes on me all the way to check-out. ROFL!! Once in a blue moon, it's nice to feel like you got "it"...it took me a long while to feel this way, so why not enjoy it...just a little bit. In fact, last week, my son's friend's grandparents tried to guess my age.....27!!! ahhhh....THANK YOU!!!! ROFL Maybe that is why I feel so darned UP right now!!
I know that these relaxed days are few and far between with the onslaught of the holiday season...like the perfect buzz from a favorite beverage, and it's nice to acknowledge the universe for such a nice gift like today. So thanks, powers that be....Thanks! Even for something as shallow as a stroked ego....thanks must be given! LoL
On a more serious and less shallow note: my other thanks to the universe is to my Guardian Angel, for preventing an accident this morning....someone ran the shoulder and almost crashed into me because they were hurried to turn right.....it was a near miss. I'm a lucky girl.
Ying & Yang -Makes the world go 'round.
Monday, November 15, 2010
With the advent of Thanksgiving....I FINALLY see the end of the tunnel!
Soccer is almost over. (secret squeal of delight!)
This class I have right now will be over in early December, (I'm rocking it so far!)
The other school stuff is routine now, and scouts (while I seem to have a committee meeting every other week) is managable as well.
So where is my Spark?????
As you can all see, I have been on a Spark hiatus. In the last 2.5 years, I have seemed to take, ohhhh, about one big one a year....and it is usually when I am NUTS with life in general.
Yup, same old chestnut on that front - exercise: nil, tracking food: nil, eating: meh, and as for the last 2 weeks - horrible according to my usual. My horrible might seem healthy to some people's horrible...but it is still not great from what is my usual maintenance boring...and maybe that is why I take these breaks - because maintenance is just that: boring.
Maintaining the weightloss has been fine, but like I said, when the activity is lower, the mush takes over! and lately, I went up into my upper maintenance range....which means that I HAVE to take back control of the runaway cart.
Taking back that control means that it's time to track again....and time to move again....and time to get inspired again. For me, that means loading up some new tunes into the good ol' iPod! Katy Perry's "Firework" was released at the perfect time for me....I needed that boost and that song has got "it" in that department.....check it out and you will see what I mean.
In my world now, I am also constantly talking maintenance with my husband, who is where I was mentally, about 2 years ago. You've lost this weight and now what??? The diet mentality is clinging on for dear life, and the maintenance brain is trying to just...breathe andmake it's own foothold. It's a hard struggle. You don't want to go off track too much because you think you will sabotage all those efforts and never get back on track...then the weightgain comes back on with a vengeance. It is a fear that I deal with every day in my own brain, trust me, and that voice calms down to a whisper, but it is still there....it will always be there. It's LIVING with that small voice that you have to work on, and learning from those past mistakes enough to stop the cycle from happening again.
Living and learning...and keeping one's eyes open to the reality of our immediate world at hand.
The reality of the immediate world will soon be tons of food and baked goods: my nemesis. In general, I don't keep any in the house...it's my rule of thumb, but now is the season for strength of MIND.... to have a treat and move on and not have 2 or 3 or 5 repeated treat performances! And let's face it - I have sons, and those sons will eventually want to EAT and EAT and EAT and to NOT have stuff in the house because of my weaknesses is just plain silly. A new mental thought process is going to be this "I would rather bake for them, know WHAT is in the baked good and what is going in there body, than deny them the food....in moderation, of course" and I love to bake, so guess what?? Mental strength comes in to play once again...and to teach THEM that you can have your cake (once in a while), and eat it (or not) too.
Back to the tracker I go...to keep it all on the healthy choice road until the times when I get to have some more culinary fun!
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