Monday, November 22, 2010
I had no intention of doing my makeup today....or even showering...until maybe later in the day, but not this morning. I figured I'd get the kids to school as usual, hit the grocery store, as is my routine, and then come home and shower up....but today, I jumped in the shower real quick, and my makeup turned into a test for my little sister's wedding next year...AND to try and cover this huge GINORMOUS ZIT that decided to say hello this week on my cheek. I played up the eyes mostly to distract people from the zit...and then I decided to try on my little sister's purple shirt she gave me in a bag of hand me downs (yeah, I need clothes and I am not afraid to try even my thin sister's stuff on now!) ...anyway, it fit! So that just made my day start even better!!!!
It's nice to start off a day feeling pretty (even despite a mammoth zit) and to be in a de-stressed and happy mood. I admit that it's been crazy around here, and today just felt different....less crazy, and you know what? I'll TAKE it! It's been a looong time to feel this way! LoL
Well, I am glad I looked pretty today....the produce guy certainly was attentive today! ROFL!!! and the young man in the book store certainly was as well...I think...or maybe me giggling over an Amy Sedaris cookbook caught his attention. Either way, I felt eyes on me all the way to check-out. ROFL!! Once in a blue moon, it's nice to feel like you got "it"...it took me a long while to feel this way, so why not enjoy it...just a little bit. In fact, last week, my son's friend's grandparents tried to guess my age.....27!!! ahhhh....THANK YOU!!!! ROFL Maybe that is why I feel so darned UP right now!!
I know that these relaxed days are few and far between with the onslaught of the holiday season...like the perfect buzz from a favorite beverage, and it's nice to acknowledge the universe for such a nice gift like today. So thanks, powers that be....Thanks! Even for something as shallow as a stroked ego....thanks must be given! LoL
On a more serious and less shallow note: my other thanks to the universe is to my Guardian Angel, for preventing an accident this morning....someone ran the shoulder and almost crashed into me because they were hurried to turn right.....it was a near miss. I'm a lucky girl.
Ying & Yang -Makes the world go 'round.
Monday, November 15, 2010
With the advent of Thanksgiving....I FINALLY see the end of the tunnel!
Soccer is almost over. (secret squeal of delight!)
This class I have right now will be over in early December, (I'm rocking it so far!)
The other school stuff is routine now, and scouts (while I seem to have a committee meeting every other week) is managable as well.
So where is my Spark?????
As you can all see, I have been on a Spark hiatus. In the last 2.5 years, I have seemed to take, ohhhh, about one big one a year....and it is usually when I am NUTS with life in general.
Yup, same old chestnut on that front - exercise: nil, tracking food: nil, eating: meh, and as for the last 2 weeks - horrible according to my usual. My horrible might seem healthy to some people's horrible...but it is still not great from what is my usual maintenance boring...and maybe that is why I take these breaks - because maintenance is just that: boring.
Maintaining the weightloss has been fine, but like I said, when the activity is lower, the mush takes over! and lately, I went up into my upper maintenance range....which means that I HAVE to take back control of the runaway cart.
Taking back that control means that it's time to track again....and time to move again....and time to get inspired again. For me, that means loading up some new tunes into the good ol' iPod! Katy Perry's "Firework" was released at the perfect time for me....I needed that boost and that song has got "it" in that department.....check it out and you will see what I mean.
In my world now, I am also constantly talking maintenance with my husband, who is where I was mentally, about 2 years ago. You've lost this weight and now what??? The diet mentality is clinging on for dear life, and the maintenance brain is trying to just...breathe andmake it's own foothold. It's a hard struggle. You don't want to go off track too much because you think you will sabotage all those efforts and never get back on track...then the weightgain comes back on with a vengeance. It is a fear that I deal with every day in my own brain, trust me, and that voice calms down to a whisper, but it is still there....it will always be there. It's LIVING with that small voice that you have to work on, and learning from those past mistakes enough to stop the cycle from happening again.
Living and learning...and keeping one's eyes open to the reality of our immediate world at hand.
The reality of the immediate world will soon be tons of food and baked goods: my nemesis. In general, I don't keep any in the house...it's my rule of thumb, but now is the season for strength of MIND.... to have a treat and move on and not have 2 or 3 or 5 repeated treat performances! And let's face it - I have sons, and those sons will eventually want to EAT and EAT and EAT and to NOT have stuff in the house because of my weaknesses is just plain silly. A new mental thought process is going to be this "I would rather bake for them, know WHAT is in the baked good and what is going in there body, than deny them the food....in moderation, of course" and I love to bake, so guess what?? Mental strength comes in to play once again...and to teach THEM that you can have your cake (once in a while), and eat it (or not) too.
Back to the tracker I go...to keep it all on the healthy choice road until the times when I get to have some more culinary fun!
Monday, October 11, 2010
you might say....WHAT on EARTH is she doing now?????
Welcome all...to a crash course on your body's cells...and you.
I've been doing a lot...and when I mean A LOT, well ..... lots and lots and lots and lots of reading on this particular subject for a while now. To me, it is fascinating...and illumininating on many levels, so let me bring you into my brain for a bit....shall we...trust me, it will tie into Spark somehow or another...but in the meantime...let's go on an adventure.
Not many people think of themselves as anything but a whole giant block of human, when in reality, every little bit of us is it's own little ecosystem, tied closely together in a ultrafine nextwork of teeny tiny, small units of life called cells. (Deep, huh?)
Well, now that we are focused on those teeny tiny cells, we can try to understand a little better if something that keeps that cell alive and kicking, goes out of wack. Each cell has it's own job, it's own functioning tiny universe, with each little organelle doing it's own little job inside of that little cell. If something were out of balance....would that little world function the way it should??? Nope...it would survive, sure, but would it be working at it's 100% functional capability? Probably not. Depending on each situation, the balance of each cell's equilibrium is entirely up to a foriegn dictator...ourselves.
I have a theory about our bodies cells and the happy equilibrium that each cell can live in and work at 100%...it encompasses what Spark has been talking about since I've been on here. Eat right, exercise, drink water...it IS as simple as that. Doing that alone will make a body turn from heavy to thin most definitely....keeping it that way is a bit harder, but certainly achieveable...but there is a "but" here that I have running around in my head.
But what if you do all, achieve all ...but do not learn and embrace those changes as changes for good...for life?
Now imagine a happy little cell....it has enough water to function at 100% - it brings in the good fuel, makes it's power and by-products, expels the bad - it is a high-functioing homeostatic enviroment...happy and content at an equilibrium it can sustain, if things stay on the normal happy course. Sure, some high fats and sugars come into play here and there....but these cells can handle those ups and downs like a champ now! Recovery back to it's happy equilibrium is fast and quick, with nothing damaged because of the flux.
But sometimes, things will change that happy little cell...water is not as plentiful...key minerals are missing....key fats and/or proteins are missing...the cell cannot make enough energy from the fuel brought in...that energy might not be the correct type of fuel it needs...other cells start growing to make sure that there is enough energy stored just in case there is a complete food/energy shortage. The equilibrium is upset...the cell itself is out of wack, the entire system is out of balance....and then we all know where we are...a sluggish, heavy body wondering when and why this happened in the first place....or worse...we are ill.
Yeah, sure, I have repeated a bit here and there in this mini-lecture, but it stands to be repeated. I shall even simplify:
Food = fuel.
Good fuel = high functioning body cells.
Bad fuel (garbage) = low functioning body cells.
Good cell equilibrium = happy cell
Unbalanced cell = sad cell.
Think about your little cells the next time you eat. How are you fueling those tiny little universes? YOU are the god here. YOU are the caretaker of those little creatures that make up YOU. Are you treating them nice?
It's a question worth asking for sure.....some food for thought, so to speak.
Sunday, October 03, 2010
well.....it was a crazy week for me....nothing went right it seemed...well, honestly, now that I think back on it...all the Cub Scout things WERE very successful...and if that was all that was, for my kids, I am extremely happy about that...as a leader, same sentiment.....as a mother/wife, again, that same happy sentiment! So I will take the bad for that one good, nah, make that GREAT Saturday that my family had while camping in the woods with a bunch of people we barely knew!
And in saying that...we learned a whole lot about ourselves and those people as well.
We all learned how to shoot bows & arrows, and most of us climbed a rock wall...a few of us to the very top...a few of us not, but at least we all tried! And coming from a girl (ahem...that is me) who grew up as the non-athletic child who could barely get a foot off of the ground on the rope in gym class - this rock wall thing was a huge accomplishment! And we did not pressure anyone to do it....and I was pleasantly surprised when I saw my middle son (the shy, reserved one most like me as a kid one) turn to another leader, all on his own, and asked to be geared up to climb the wall he vowed he would never go on. It brought tears to my eyes! The little guy whose legs are a wee bit too short for the rocks and whose legs were restricted by too snug jeans (because I haven't gone shopping yet) listened to the instructors every command and attempted the first two sets, got stuck, and was asked to be lowered down....turned and was cheered by everyone and the grin on his face made my day!! It was awesome!
Unfortunately, I had to leave with my youngest after that (another event for me to get to) - so I missed the big bonfire, but when I saw my little cubs come in the house today...beaming with happiness and completely exhausted, well, that made the crazy week fade away into a fogged memory...well, for a minute at least!
Then it got me thinking about all the things in the past that I did not do because I felt shy, or awkward, or self-conscious....a bunch of missed opportunities that I sometimes wish I could reverse and do again....but then I look at my kids, and this "new me" - this athletic person (yes, for the first time, I WILL say that term and honestly deserve it and mean it when I say it)...this being that does NOT get winded going up a hill, who can run up an incline faster than some kids I was with, who can run a little peanut to the potty without breaking a sweat...this "new" person can DO these things with these kids and enjoy the fun WITH them and encourage them to fly as I had never done before! Now that...THAT is a reward in and of itself....something surprising and an unexpected and unforeseen treat that I will carry in my mind and heart.....forever.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
I went shopping the other day for shirts...my local thrifty and trusty Vanity Fair/Lee outlet. Basically LOTS of layering pieces, lots of sweaters, jeans, dress pants at discounted prices...and lots and lots of searching with a discerning eye for basics...not junk...that will tide me by without breaking the bank.
My focus was on shirts because all I have are old T-shirts that are too large, or that are shrunken to high on the waist and old, or that are just overused because I don't have ANY variety in my closet. In fact, I pulled a bunch of size 8 and 10 pants that were just creating a mess and no room for my nothingness of a wardrobe!
Yeah, you'd have thunk that after I hit GOAL back in 2008-09 I would have bought an entire new wardrobe....but no, because I hate shopping (I'm scarred from the past body - still working on that issue) Kind of glad I didn't spend TONS of cash on stuff because all the stuff I did buy....well, it's too big now!
So I grab TONs of clothes, and hit the dressing room....I bought a lot of key layering pieces all in a size medium, a few repeats (old habits die hard - still working on breaking that one) and no pants whatsoever...I just checked all of mine in my open closet, all size 6s that fit or are sort of loose, but I was having a "skinny" week, so I just fluffed it off as that....they still fit fine.
Well....today I got a surprise!
My little sister left a few clothes in a closet...and I was looking for a pin everywhere to fix my top before heading out to my other sister's baby shower...I searched everywhere, so I hit the closet as a last resort thinking there would MAYBE be a pin tucked in a top or waistband. No such luck...but there were a few pieces of clothes (very cute ones too - she has great taste - I wish I was her like that sometimes). All were in a size medium or small, and I kinda laughed at the irony that MAYBE I could fit into them one day. I even saw a top that I was thinking about calling her to borrow one day....but the last piece was a denim skirt from DKNY...in a size 4.
It looked at me.
and I stared back.
"Would you fit me?" I asked it.
It just stared back.
"I think you'd fit," I said to it.
It just stared back.
"I'm going to try you on and see.... if you don't mind."
So I did. The darned thing fit PERFECTLY! I stared at us in the mirror. WOW. No frakking WAY am I in THAT skirt that my beautiful sister has worn. No way!!!
I ran out to my dad in the living room and spun around to show him like a little girl in a frilly new dress. "Hey, that looks pretty good on you - perfect in fact," he says. I beam, "It's a size 4 Dad."...."Really? Wow! Maybe you can borrow it"..."Yeah, I know, it's so cool! I've NEVER been NEAR this...ever!"...."Congrats honey, you look great."
And then I took it off...and hung it back up in the closet.
I have to PS this whole thing by mentioning that everyone I saw was making comments about my "thinness" - not in a bad way...in a surprised way really. Maybe it's the more clingy, more fitted clothes I am trying to embrace a bit more than the oversized junk I've been wearing. I will say that I have been keeping off 4 extra pounds for the last 4 weeks....I'm 133 now....never thought I'd see that number...wasn't on my agenda, that is for sure, but I like it here more than the 137 I was for a long time. Clothes fit better, I feel better, I'm not trying to really lose, but I'm eating better overall....I'm toning up when I can. But I hate to even admit this, I felt very defensive about it...like I was being accused of doing something bad...I even went to far as saying I wasn't trying, but people don't want to hear that either. Now I'm just saying "yes, and thank you for noticing...I've been maintaining this for a while now."
Anyway, it's been a weird week for me in that regard. Mentally, I am 137 or 150 or 168 or 175 or 187, depending on the day....my mind sees one image while the mirror reflects another. I've written about this subject before, and it is still there, not an issue, not a disorder...more a fact of life that needs to be dealt with.....that will eventually fade over time as the mind and body come together as one. It takes time...and with anything, patience is key to change and adapt to a new situation.
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