Thursday, January 13, 2011
my bathroom wallpaper! Get your minds out of the gutter!
Teeheeheee...bet I got a bunch of you on that one!
But seriously, I am stripping my wallpapper in the bathroom. SO glamorous right?!?! It's been in this state of un-finished-ness since I ripped the peeling paper back a few months ago...then let it sit...then did a wall...then let it sit...then I did another wall....now I'm on the home stretch of getting all of it off....but then, I have to wash/sand the glue off of the now bare walls.
Such a pain.
and then I was thinking....it's just like this journey here. I start. I stop. I start. I stop. Honestly it is a terribly bad habit...but it is one that has been part of my mindset for a long time. Others I know (and admire a bit) plug away and want things "just so" before a certain date. Me - yeah, not so much. Are my "standards" in this regard skewed? or am I just that relaxed and low-maintenance now that I am older?
Eesh, who knows. I wish I had the drive to have higher standards on some things, but when I do, and things do NOT come out the way I want them to, I have gotten terribly disappointed in the past. Is my low-maintenance attitude part of a coping mechanism to avoid disappointment? or am I too much of a realist, where things are never going to be perfect...ever?
Anyway...this is what goes through my head when I am doing a mundane task like stripping wallpaper.
Now to continue and finish the task...I want the room to be painted by May. The way it's going, it might actually get done!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Do a reflective blog...or not.
I am thinking NOT today. The house is quiet right now...the kids are all out & hubby is at work. I'm prepping for my Cubscout den meeting tonight - building pinewood derby racecar stands...and while I have grandios plans in my head, they never seem to come to fruition when dealing with 9 to 11 8-year-old boys. I guess over the last few years of doing this I make my plans and have learned to 'roll with the punches' when the meeting I planned so carefully goes a little bit awry and off schedule. Not like the kids notice or see it, but I see it...and it always works out in the end. Anyway, I digress.....
When it is too quiet, I tend to ponder and think too much, rather than just "be" quiet & in the moment. Do you have any idea what I could be getting done right now?? tons of stuff, including exercise, but today is not an ooomph day. It's a meh, errr...huh...whatev kind of a day. Not like it should be at all, because of all of the planning & sorting I have to do, but nonetheless, it is.
Slowly, I am getting things done - more out of necessity than want. My "wants" as of late are really not going to happen, and maybe that is pissing me off. We were talking about bucket lists the other day at dinner. Thai food was a mall scratch off of my personal list, but it wasn't OMG! THAT WAS SO AWESOME! - it was more like, well, it was OK, I'll try something more adventurous next time. Maybe that is my problem right now....not enough adventure. More rut-like than anything...and that might be because of the winter weather too. Maybe it's more...
So back to the bucket. I think this year, I am going to venture out and do some new things. I already have Atlantic City planned with my sisters and another time with my BFF for her 40th b-day. So we can almost scratch that one off. Just getting away with the girls will be fun! Another thing on my list is to learn the Argentine Tango....super sexy dance. Unfortunately the hubby isn't into that....I think I will have to settle on a Zumba class or DVD instead. The biggest thing is to go to Disney with the kids this summer....we are hemming & hawwing on how to go about doing this (Hemming & hawwing is a talent of ours...indecision at its best). Another thing is to meet up with a Sparkbud of mine...distance is the problem....but it's on the bucket list, so eventually that one will be done in time.
With all this quiet other things come into play...worries mostly. The self-conscious fat chick rears her ugly head at these times, Trust me, she squeeks and is quiet almost instantaneously, but still...she reminds me she is there. The witch. Staring at me on the kitchen counter are boxes of baked goods....my nemesis. The only thing keeping me from eating them with a vengeance is that I am going to give them to my scouts tonight and I need enough to go around! LoL I must really be hormonal for all this to be going on in! LOL
Oh my....my non-reflective blog became reflective! ROFL.....guess I needed to just get it out. What's funny is that this is barely a scratch on the surface of what I am really thinking right now! These thoughts too shall pass.
But now...I really better get back to setting up this meeting before I get my littlest man back from pre-school.
Friday, January 07, 2011
You can take the title any which way you want...LoL
For some it's WELCOME BACK!!! Spark is still here...and as you can see, so am I...nice to see you again!
and for others it's WELL, COME BACK it's been way too long...Spark is still here, waiting patiently to be used as the tool that it is...and if you need my help on your journey, well, feel free to just ask!
on both accounts, I am happy to see you here!
I'm going to apply this to me as well...I'm back from my own hiatus from Spark as well. I like to say that when I don't contact people I care about for a while - well, that "life sometimes gets in the way".
But I always come back...to use those trackers that keep me on point. To refresh the support that is VITAL to losing weight, getting fit and maintaining that forward progress. I think that is why this time losing weight was successful - because of the support system here at Spark.
I saw the Biggest Loser last week and it was the reunion show...the best thing that was stressed at that table from the success stories and from Jillian Michaels was that the support system is an important part of the journey. It was nice to see and hear that. While the personal journey is certainly an INDIVIDUALone that you alone control...sometimes it is the people around us that will be the biggest tool to pick up the spirit in order to keep going forward those 2 steps when you stumbles back the one.
Welcome back Sparkers.....make 2011 the healthiest one yet!!!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
ahhh...the time is FINALLY here!
The last minute things to buy...the last minute things to take care of....the whole hustle & bustle of it all!!!
And yet, what I look forward to the most is the after effect...the kids playing with their toys...the family praising the meal devoured in record time...the lack of cookie eating because we are so stuffed from the meal itself! The silliness of siblings being together!
I look forward to seeing an old friend or two....of driving 7 hours to have New Years at another old friend's house....a spur of the moment lark that has now become a tradition 4 years later!
Most of all, I look forward to the new year...in the last 4 years, no STOP! I take that back, make that 10 years, my husband & I never stay awake long enough to ring it in...but this year, we plan to. There is something about a new year that has all sorts of possibilies in it....maybe I will see someone I have yet to meet face to face! maybe I will run a marathon! maybe I will take ballroom dancing classes! maybe I will renew my wedding vows on a beach! Who knows what is in store? All I know it that the possibilities are endless!!!!!!
Years back, before kids & my husband...before Spark too, the new year was quite the opposite - it was depressing - already filled with things I would never do, of things I would never accomplish, of things that other people got to experience and I justgot to wonder about.
So glad that things took a turn around....yeah, I do thank Spark for a lot of it because I finally found a place and myself in the process.
That is what I wish for everyone who reads this...consider it a cyber Christmas gift Wish for you. If I were magic, I'd wave my wand and grant you whatever you desire...but I have this feeling that it's already right inside your heart.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Yeah - some times you have to just take it.
The lack of tracking, exercise, eating right. Admitting the hard plain truth that you are not doing what is right is the hardest and first thing to do in order to get back onto a more positive path.
So what do you do....or rather, what do most of us do?
We ignore that truth that is staring at us in the mirror and keep on going on the same road as before.
But the truth is there....and it KNOWS that it is eventually going to come out.
It takes it's time.
It can wait for yeeeeeaaars....and years....and years...
The veil is lifted and we see what is really staring back at us.
One does not have to be 400 pounds....or 300, or 200...That veil can come off of a 125 pound person too....
One does not have to be rich or poor or of any particular religious belief....the lifted veil reveals what is inside at our most inner core....the self that needs to be loved.
But self love is harder to figure out than self-loathing. It's easier to be mean than kind in many cases, and even more so when it comes to ourselves. Self love takes discipline and acceptance of things we cannot change, and of accepting the challenge to change the things that we can.
In finding our love for ourselves...that positive energy spreads into other areas of our lives and the people we come into contact every day: our direct families, our coworkers, our friends and our neighbors.
Finding that part of ourselves can take years, but it can be done.
The first step is to look in that mirror and take it on the chin: to say it out loud that things need to change and to immediately say that it starts TODAY....with one little step each day.
That one little step will eventually turn into a yard...the a mile...and a few stumbles along the way are just and only that, a few stumbles that make you learn to regain your stride and balance to take that continuing next step......and so on.
Before you know it. You find it.....
Get An Email Alert Each Time ANNIEONLI Posts