ANNIEONLI   50,691
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too quiet

Monday, January 10, 2011

Do a reflective blog...or not.

I am thinking NOT today. The house is quiet right now...the kids are all out & hubby is at work. I'm prepping for my Cubscout den meeting tonight - building pinewood derby racecar stands...and while I have grandios plans in my head, they never seem to come to fruition when dealing with 9 to 11 8-year-old boys. I guess over the last few years of doing this I make my plans and have learned to 'roll with the punches' when the meeting I planned so carefully goes a little bit awry and off schedule. Not like the kids notice or see it, but I see it...and it always works out in the end. Anyway, I digress.....

When it is too quiet, I tend to ponder and think too much, rather than just "be" quiet & in the moment. Do you have any idea what I could be getting done right now?? tons of stuff, including exercise, but today is not an ooomph day. It's a meh, errr...huh...whatev kind of a day. Not like it should be at all, because of all of the planning & sorting I have to do, but nonetheless, it is.

Slowly, I am getting things done - more out of necessity than want. My "wants" as of late are really not going to happen, and maybe that is pissing me off. We were talking about bucket lists the other day at dinner. Thai food was a mall scratch off of my personal list, but it wasn't OMG! THAT WAS SO AWESOME! - it was more like, well, it was OK, I'll try something more adventurous next time. Maybe that is my problem right now....not enough adventure. More rut-like than anything...and that might be because of the winter weather too. Maybe it's more...

So back to the bucket. I think this year, I am going to venture out and do some new things. I already have Atlantic City planned with my sisters and another time with my BFF for her 40th b-day. So we can almost scratch that one off. Just getting away with the girls will be fun! Another thing on my list is to learn the Argentine Tango....super sexy dance. Unfortunately the hubby isn't into that....I think I will have to settle on a Zumba class or DVD instead. The biggest thing is to go to Disney with the kids this summer....we are hemming & hawwing on how to go about doing this (Hemming & hawwing is a talent of ours...indecision at its best). Another thing is to meet up with a Sparkbud of mine...distance is the problem....but it's on the bucket list, so eventually that one will be done in time.

With all this quiet other things come into play...worries mostly. The self-conscious fat chick rears her ugly head at these times, Trust me, she squeeks and is quiet almost instantaneously, but still...she reminds me she is there. The witch. Staring at me on the kitchen counter are boxes of baked nemesis. The only thing keeping me from eating them with a vengeance is that I am going to give them to my scouts tonight and I need enough to go around! LoL I must really be hormonal for all this to be going on in! LOL

Oh non-reflective blog became reflective! ROFL.....guess I needed to just get it out. What's funny is that this is barely a scratch on the surface of what I am really thinking right now! These thoughts too shall pass.

But now...I really better get back to setting up this meeting before I get my littlest man back from pre-school.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OAKBORN 1/12/2011 11:37AM

    Thanks my friend for having a meditative blog so I don't have to!

It seems I can't meditate much these days... I start out thoughtful and my brain wanders into the minutiae of everyday life or worrying or something.

It's also tough to find a free space in a houseful.

My fat girl is always nagging at me too. Although, righ now she is managing to keep my hand away from the doughnuts and mac & cheese... because I do am a carb queen!

Hang in there! I think I'm gonna go write my own blog entry, you have inspired me.

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FULLOFFAITH 1/12/2011 12:28AM

    emoticon. going to Disneyland with the Kids this summer is at the top of my list. My daughter is 7 and to see the look on her face for the first time will be priceless.



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SASSYSACY 1/10/2011 5:17PM

    I simply love your blogs...always insightful AND motivational!

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AMJSATURN 1/10/2011 2:43PM

    Annie ...

You always have the most meditative thoughts. Thanks for sharing I loved it and I can relate.

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Well come back

Friday, January 07, 2011

You can take the title any which way you want...LoL

For some it's WELCOME BACK!!! Spark is still here...and as you can see, so am I...nice to see you again!

and for others it's WELL, COME BACK it's been way too long...Spark is still here, waiting patiently to be used as the tool that it is...and if you need my help on your journey, well, feel free to just ask!

on both accounts, I am happy to see you here! emoticon

I'm going to apply this to me as well...I'm back from my own hiatus from Spark as well. I like to say that when I don't contact people I care about for a while - well, that "life sometimes gets in the way".

But I always come use those trackers that keep me on point. To refresh the support that is VITAL to losing weight, getting fit and maintaining that forward progress. I think that is why this time losing weight was successful - because of the support system here at Spark.

I saw the Biggest Loser last week and it was the reunion show...the best thing that was stressed at that table from the success stories and from Jillian Michaels was that the support system is an important part of the journey. It was nice to see and hear that. While the personal journey is certainly an INDIVIDUALone that you alone control...sometimes it is the people around us that will be the biggest tool to pick up the spirit in order to keep going forward those 2 steps when you stumbles back the one.

Welcome back Sparkers.....make 2011 the healthiest one yet!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMJSATURN 1/9/2011 3:45AM

    Hi girlfriend... Welcome back.

I too enjoyed the Biggest Loser reunion show. I have been late in following the show, but I love it none the less.
It gives me more incentive to stay positive and encourage by the various obstacles that others face. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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OAKBORN 1/7/2011 10:06PM

    As always, my friend you have great thoughtful stuff to say!

Thanks for being there like SP and as a part of SP!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IAMLION 1/7/2011 8:23PM

    emoticon thanks my friend!! It's good to be back! emoticon

Here's to an awesome 2011 emoticon

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FULLOFFAITH 1/7/2011 3:33PM

    emoticon I know that Welcome Back was for ME emoticon. Let's make 2011 The Year. Cheers emoticon.


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YAMINOKODOMO 1/7/2011 1:55PM

    Well said! I can totally agree with having a support system, sparkpeople and my spark friends have been one of my biggest supporters!

Woohoo to 2011!

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holiday week/new year

Sunday, December 19, 2010

ahhh...the time is FINALLY here!

The last minute things to buy...the last minute things to take care of....the whole hustle & bustle of it all!!!

And yet, what I look forward to the most is the after effect...the kids playing with their toys...the family praising the meal devoured in record time...the lack of cookie eating because we are so stuffed from the meal itself! The silliness of siblings being together!

I look forward to seeing an old friend or two....of driving 7 hours to have New Years at another old friend's house....a spur of the moment lark that has now become a tradition 4 years later!

Most of all, I look forward to the new the last 4 years, no STOP! I take that back, make that 10 years, my husband & I never stay awake long enough to ring it in...but this year, we plan to. There is something about a new year that has all sorts of possibilies in it....maybe I will see someone I have yet to meet face to face! maybe I will run a marathon! maybe I will take ballroom dancing classes! maybe I will renew my wedding vows on a beach! Who knows what is in store? All I know it that the possibilities are endless!!!!!!

Years back, before kids & my husband...before Spark too, the new year was quite the opposite - it was depressing - already filled with things I would never do, of things I would never accomplish, of things that other people got to experience and I justgot to wonder about.

So glad that things took a turn around....yeah, I do thank Spark for a lot of it because I finally found a place and myself in the process.

That is what I wish for everyone who reads this...consider it a cyber Christmas gift Wish for you. If I were magic, I'd wave my wand and grant you whatever you desire...but I have this feeling that it's already right inside your heart.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUZYWM 12/27/2010 2:21PM

    Thanks for this beautiful post Honey! I've been off spark pages for several months with a seriously ill kid, and the whole world stopped for us. My daugher is improving, but we have ways to go. School is on hold for me, but I only have 5 classes to go and will do that next year.

The recent change is that I can now see a light at the end of the tunnel. I've regained all my weight, which seems like a small thing in light of our challenges, and I'm feeling especially grateful these days for all the small things. It's a great perspective.

But your post reminded me how I felt personally when my weight was down a few years ago. I felt unstoppable.

I know you'll have a great 2011 - you're a doer. Thanks for also being an inspiration!

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YAMINOKODOMO 12/24/2010 1:00PM

    I love the after effect too! Thats what I look forward to most about christmas!

I am happy that you and your husband are going to ring in the new year! I love that about new years eve. Counting down the last ten seconds then everybody cheering and the hugging and kissing, its such a great feeling to be surrounded by the people you love and to be able to celebrate another year together!

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AMJSATURN 12/19/2010 11:02PM

    Thanks.... I love your perspective on things.

Keep busy !!! emoticon Enjoy life

Comment edited on: 12/19/2010 11:03:36 PM

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OAKBORN 12/19/2010 9:41PM

    You always give fantastic food for thought, my friend! I hope your holidays are wonderful!

We will meet, yes we will!

Best always!

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FIREBIRD3423 12/19/2010 8:16PM

    emoticon thank you

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Take it on the chin

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Yeah - some times you have to just take it.

The lack of tracking, exercise, eating right. Admitting the hard plain truth that you are not doing what is right is the hardest and first thing to do in order to get back onto a more positive path.

So what do you do....or rather, what do most of us do?

We ignore that truth that is staring at us in the mirror and keep on going on the same road as before.

But the truth is there....and it KNOWS that it is eventually going to come out.

It takes it's time.

It waits.

It can wait for yeeeeeaaars....and years....and years...


The veil is lifted and we see what is really staring back at us.

One does not have to be 400 pounds....or 300, or 200...That veil can come off of a 125 pound person too....

One does not have to be rich or poor or of any particular religious belief....the lifted veil reveals what is inside at our most inner core....the self that needs to be loved.

But self love is harder to figure out than self-loathing. It's easier to be mean than kind in many cases, and even more so when it comes to ourselves. Self love takes discipline and acceptance of things we cannot change, and of accepting the challenge to change the things that we can.

In finding our love for ourselves...that positive energy spreads into other areas of our lives and the people we come into contact every day: our direct families, our coworkers, our friends and our neighbors.

Finding that part of ourselves can take years, but it can be done.

The first step is to look in that mirror and take it on the chin: to say it out loud that things need to change and to immediately say that it starts TODAY....with one little step each day.

That one little step will eventually turn into a yard...the a mile...and a few stumbles along the way are just and only that, a few stumbles that make you learn to regain your stride and balance to take that continuing next step......and so on.

Before you know it. You find it.....


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OAKBORN 12/16/2010 10:11AM

    Oh so true... and I'd like to add: that you can't do it for anyone else. You have to make the decision yourself... no matter how much you hear it from others, you have to pull that veil back yourself.

My moment was waking up one moment and just deciding to DO it.

Best to you always friend!

Hope your Christmas season is the best ever!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DWEXCEL 12/16/2010 7:10AM

    Oh yea, I like hearing that coming out of you! You are awesome and you are the best!

I have been missing you, Girlfriend! It is freezing cold in Florida once again!

And thanks to you, I am a regualar nuturition tracker! It may not always look good, but I do do it! I even tracked Turkey Day, and last Saturday when we went to a Christmas Cocktail Party, will all kinds of appetizers! That was actually worse than Turkey Day. LOL

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KAITLYNN51 12/15/2010 10:03PM

    I've always believed in the saying that every journey begins with the first step. All we have to do from there is keep taking steps and when we fall or stumble get back up and take another step.

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a love/hate relationship

Monday, November 29, 2010

.....with what you may ask??

My pizza dough thinnest tummy I have ever had.

See what I mean?!?

No amount of stomach crunch is going to ever get rid of the skin. None. I have to accept that.

The stretch marks are like tattoo's or scars from an old battle. I have to accept that.

But I love the fact that I have definition where there was none.

I love the fact that when I try to wear something fitted I do not cringe inwardly and hang it back in the closet....although at times of the month, there is no way I would wear something fitted. emoticon

I mentioned it to my now skinny husband that it's amazing how men's bodies and women's bodies are so different....for pete's sake, he looks cut without even working out at this point...that son of a gun! He just looked at me and said, "honey, you've had 3 kids, it's part of you."......a compliment of "your still sexy to me" would have been a nice add, but I'm not going to split hairs here emoticon

So the moral of the story is to accept the things we cannot change, and try to change the things we can....preferably without major surgery emoticon although....if I were loaded....yeah, at this point in maintaining, I'd get a tummy tuck! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OAKBORN 12/13/2010 10:40PM

    How well I understand what you are talking about! My belly is still like a crumpled up paper bag... and I look so much like my mom after 5 kids...

However it did get some better after hauling around 50# of gear for 3 weeks with the Army... so you could try to procure some combat boots, a molle vest, 2 full canteens, an assault pack (HUGE back pack) crammed full, and an M16 and try that for a workout!

Put all that on and run up & down hill... or walk 5-10 miles a day with all that on! You will tone up!

I honestly love the way Jillian Michaels looks at it... those are your battle scars that show you have lived a life!

Big hugs!

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YAMINOKODOMO 11/29/2010 12:53PM

    I totally agree with you! Once you except that one little thing that bugs you for some reason it feels like a weight has lifted off your shoulders and you just love yourself even more!

You look hot and be proud of your stretch makes! They tell a story about a beautiful mother who has had three wonderful kids and has worked hard to get her body to where she wants it to be, and she made it!

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SMITTY35 11/29/2010 9:27AM

    Nothing wrong in wanting a tummy tuck - though it's better that you can accept yourself the way you are. Congrats to you and your husband for making it to skinny! I'll see you there some time next year ;)

and I *LOVE* your background photo!


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CARRIE1948 11/29/2010 9:24AM

    Words to live by

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