Saturday, February 26, 2011
Kind of a rough week for me. I am definitely PMS and the family being home & killing my routine did not help it at all...but on the treadmill this morning, I finally figured out what was off. It was CONTROL.
Control and it's lack thereof....or it's desire to have all...is an issue for a lot of people. I know it is for me.
I read somewhere on-line that Sara Rue, the new JC celebrity rep, finally had to relinquish CONTROL to someone else, her consultant and the food system to finally get a handle on her weight issues.
I read that on one of my friend's pages as well, as well as a Spark Article in Fitness about giving control over to a personal trainer.
It's a really big concept to finally reliquish control and physically BE controlled by another in order to move forward.
And then there are the CONTROLLERS - the ones that NEED to be in control in order to feel (insert psychobabble line here). Controlling ones food intake (or lack-thereof) is a power trip. Think about it: if you feel like you have no control over other aspects in life it is EASY to control that part. And if your unhappy about something or depressed, subconsciously, the eating control can be a wicked combination.
And then there are those that just want to have control relinquished for a bit in order to just BREATHE for a minute to find themselves...because all of the control that they have is a burden at times. Mom's, Dad's, Caregivers, bosses...etc...etc...so many fall into THIS category it's not funny.
Anyway....you get my drift...treadmills thoughts at work once again.
So where do you fall in the line-up?
Monday, February 14, 2011
Yup.....Valentine scars...I've got a TON of them.
Why?? Well, it all goes back from year & years of many many things....the main thing being that I was pretty shy & self-conscious for - ummm...forever.
I was the girl in high school who got the white "secret admirer" carnation freshman year from the school because they didn't want the left-out girls to feel.....left out, when all of the other girls were getting tons of colored carnations in homeroom from boyfriends. Yeah, Freshman year I actually thought I had a scret admirer...what a dummy. I figured it out eventually...call it scar #1. Thank heavens sophomore year was not that bad - my group of friends made a point to all buy each other carnations and write special notes to one another....thank heaven for friends. ...but still, I had my heart on my sleeve for someone every year, and every year...nothin'. I always joked I was the marrying kind...even at 16 years old. LoL I think up until I met my husband...the day always left a bad taste behind....even chocolates could not erase.
Looking back every year, I can honestly say that it is one of my least favorite holidays. If there could be a poster child fro a Grinch that Stole Valentines Day - I would be IT!
Mind you I am married to a great great awesome guy too....it's just that he is not a romantic, buy me flowers type of guy. Fancy restaurants have never been in our repertoire because he feels like a bull in a china-shop. Over the years, we just have this undertone of acceptance of who we are...and that love in our world does not require flowers, candy , stolling violins, and clinking china...although I think I'd at least like a Mariachi band once in a while.
So now that I have kids, I had to make about 60 valentine's day cards for the kids to hand out in school. Thank goodness they are old enough to write stuff for themselves or I would have had writers cramp! add the schoebox mailbox for my 6 year old, and I'm a crafty little cupid! Even so, I woke up today in that same old mood....the Valentine Grinch was making heart shaped pancakes, adding wine to the potroast in the crockpot and making sure everyone had their stuff for school....all the while grumping.
MAYBE we need to spice things up....MAYBE I need to LET him spend money on the overpriced flowers, but really, I'd rather save that for a trip to Disney....MAYBE he needs to just buy me flowers for "whenever" instead of this particular day....MAYBE if I weren't so scarred from the past disappointments/crushes I'd feel a bit happier about this particular holiday.
You'd think I'd be over long lost crushes from my shy/heavy/quiet days...yeah, not so much. It's something to work on...that is for sure. Maybe that is why I am blogging it out...to finally be rid of those thoughts that come into my head every year.
In a few minutes, I have a very romantic appointment scheduled...a trip to my gyno!!! SO romantic!! I keep laughing to myuself that I'm getting a tune-up today! I'll post that funny thought here, because I think on facebook, people might just be like "hey TMI!" ROFL
In honor of my real love who is always by my side...who saw me for me years and years ago..we were both very very heavy too...I'm wearing the very first piece of jewelry he ever bought me - a gold bracelet with a heart on it. When we married....it was for better or for worse, in sickness and in health....and it seems like we have to add in thickness and thinness to those vows. We're both the thinnest and healthiest we have been in years.
In looking back - I will take my unromantic love anyday over those silly Valentine scars I carry around. He's awesome...and I am lucky to have him.
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