Monday, May 23, 2011
I was in the waiting room of the Pediatric Therapy office while my youngest was in his speech lesson....and the conversation between the receptionist and another mom was about weightloss.
The receptionist started WW about 9 weeks ago...was complaining about starving, so I mentioned Spark then......
Today the receptionist was talking about an infomercial 6 week body makeover diet and now she has to drink 100 ounces of water a day, and that she is limited to 2 carbs per day......
I had to speak up and tell them about the recommended amount of water per day...and she shot me down with some cockamamy calculation about drinking half of your body weight...blah blah blah
So be it.
And then I got to wondering what they think when they SEE me (the skinny chick) sitting there with her beat-up looking water bottle in hand who chugged half of it during the conversation.
I once was that woman looking for that quick fix...
I once was that heavy post-partum mom...
And now I wonder how people percieve me now that I am on the other end of the spectrum.
There are SO many pre-conceived notions of thin people....they eat nothing, they workout all the time, they have good genes, they have never been fat a day in their entire life, they have no right to complain about bloat and 'being fat' on their period day, they can eat anything they want.... The list goes on I am sure.....I rattled them off pretty quick just now too, because I was the fat girl who thought of all of those things just a few years ago. I am guilty as charged.
I now see both sides of the coin, so to speak. More so than ever recently. Maybe it's because of the wedding that just past and we saw people who only see us as always being heavy. Maybe it's because it's a daily struggle to keep on track and I think the general populous expect heavy people who lose weight, well, honestly, to fail. That last one sounds very negative...but I think there are envy issues that people deal with: everyone wants what another person has...or rather: everyone wants to see the successful fall. I'm going all sociology/psychology...but I digress....
What I want....
...what I want is for everyone on here having success...well, to keep being successful! Don't let all your hard work go to the wayside just because of a weak moment.
...what I want is for other's struggling to find that small piece of success that will keep them going forward for the long haul.
...what I want....world peace would be nice....but I think the other wants are more attainable for all who I hold dear...my Sparkfriends.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
And they lived happily ever after....
Great way to start a blog huh? at the end!
Well this blog has taken a long time to come about, hasn't it?!? It's been a whirlwind leading up to it...and then it took a while to come down off of the whirlwind of visiting family and post-wedding emotions...and post-wedding eating and drinking.
My youngest sister looked fabulous - like a model. A glowing beautiful, ethereal vision of happiness! Yes, I am gushing because it was true!
Her and her fiance planned the wedding from long distance and they did a terrific job! Everyone had a really awesome time! There really was nothing major that went wrong either...and that is really unheard of! Well, nothing major that I could tell anyway! LoL
Here is a pic of me with my family...I love these guys to pieces!
The next is the WOW pic of me in my dress...this is the very first time I was in a wedding party and feeling like "myself" - no corset, no spanx...nothing but the usual stuff!
I was looking for this certain picture from my older brother's wedding...to show you a before and after of me and my husband...but I couldn't find it...which also delayed this pic blog, because it would have been the BEST before and after shot EVER for us.
Let's prequel the next photo. Hubby & I met in 1996 when we were finishing up our college careers. We were both not looking for anyone...we just clicked and wanted to get to know each other better. There IS more to the story, but I think that is for another blog. Anyway, this was the very first wedding we went to. It was his best friend's wedding...and I was not expecting to have a picture taken with him at all. I was just his date....but we had our picture taken anyway. It's hard to see us really, because we were both wearing black....black is slimming you know. I was around 190 pounds...and he was 240.
And now there is the after...today. Today I am 130 and he is 142. He followed me into healthier eating and is now working on building muscle....we are healthy together now for us and our kids. He's not a Sparker, but I sparked something in him in the last 2 years and this is where he is now. We have come a long long way in 15 years. THIS is where we want to stay and this is how we want to grow old together. Healthy and fit.
It shows that it can be done....that people can change.
And they lived happily ever after
Saturday, April 30, 2011
So my sister is getting married next Saturday!!!! So excited for her and her fiance! Consider this our "royal" wedding - she is the youngest and the last to get married...so this is a big one for so many reasons, not only for her, but for so many others as well! :)
This week is all the last minute prep stuff here at the house. It's the house we grew up in, so you can imagine that it is almost a person at this point! The old girl needed some sprucing, so I chucked 40 year old curtains and have chipped away paint and painted the foyer a new coat of white paint....added some privacy vinyl to the 80 year old windows too - and it looks beautiful!!!! Wish I had done it long ago now! LoL The dining room is picture ready...guest rooms are ready for my brother and his family. All that needs to be done is mopping the floors, redusting, decluttering and then we should be ready for the rehearsal dinner on Friday.
Hubby and I love to entertain....it's one of those things that we do best. We love the hustle and bustle. We love seeing people smile and laugh and enjoy themselves....we love that they feel at home in our home. It's what life is about for us. Over the years (12 years married ourselves coming up) we have even gotten to actually ENJOY parties at our house! Yes, for those of you who entertain and feel frazzled...it CAN be done! LoL
Well - we cannot wait to have everyone here for the rehearsal dinner and pre-wedding prep with all the bridesmaids. It's going to be a welcome crazy after waiting for so long!
I tried on my bridesmaid dress today. I HAD to. I was having anxiety that I gained 10 pounds over night since I really have not worked out for 2 weeks. Do spotty situps and pushup count? I don't know. Anyway, I don't know why, it's just one of my dips I guess. Great time to have a pattern dip right??? Meanwhile, my hubby has been working out every single morning for 3 months straight....he looks great - gained some much needed muscle onto his 138 pound frame (he WAS 220 just 2 February's ago, so this is happy news for everyone who loves him and thought he looked scrawny & sickly - he lost the weight through nutrition tracking, and now, this past 6 months, he's getting more fit.....athletic fit too.....he's amazing) but I digress....the dress. When I had the dress fit, I was in an exercise high pattern....so you can imagine this anxiety of it not fitting properly now.
Thank goodness it fit just fine!
Crazy how mental we get with all this stuff, right???
Well, this is theVERY FIRST wedding that I am NOT wearing some undergarment of some sort to suck something in or smooth something out!! This is HUGE!!! In fact, my hairdresser & I had a good laugh about pantylines.....she just said "forget that - go commando - who's gonna know?" And go ahead and laugh, because I actually thought "yeah, maybe...." I don't think I will, but still, it's a funny thought....going from all blown-out corsetry to absolutely nothing at all!!! Talk about a complete 180!!!
I'm planning on pics in the next blog - I have this awesome pic from my brother's wedding in 1997 with me and my then-boyfriend/now-hubby. Let's just say that we look a little different from today. I want to get the same stance shot to do a split picture. I've never done one of those - kinda excited to do one...especially with hubby getting all buff now! Might even "come out of the fat closet" on FB - most of the people there just have seen the last 2 years of me & my family in pics. The highschool ones up and some random wedding ones of friends DO tell my story only a little bit, but this story here is NOT as pronounced over there yet. Does that make sense?
Well - that is what is going on in my world this week. So if I happen to disappear entirely - you know why!!! I don't think I will until Friday morning....that is when things will be more hectic/fun.
Have a great weekend everyone!!!
PS - I'm wearing my trophy pants! They didn't shrink because I hung them up to dry...holy stiff legs Batman!! LoL
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
yupper..my buddy wine.
When I was heavy, I had reactions to it. No kidding! I would get hives, so basically I stayed away from it because I thought I was "allergic".....in reality, it is an intolerance, but you get my drift. This one time, at Thanksgiving, my FIL have me a glass and I turned beet red and started itching...yeah, you would stay away from it too after that right?
So anyway....I have this BIL who is a wine expert. Really, I kid you not. He used to buy and sell for restaurants. So anyway, we figured it out that maybe it was the sulfites or something, and that I should drink more natural wines, and I tried a Spanish red and that was it....I was now a wine drinker. No hives, no reaction...but I was also considerably thinner too. Anyway, I can totally blame him for my new addiction.
So back to the lack of reaction thingy. I was now considerably thinner than when I got the whole hive thing....if you think about it, all that water I drink has now made my body cells work more efficiently...so naturally, it is not so hard to grasp that things in your body change for the better. Look at all the people who kick medications right?
But wine...I actually craved some wine this crazy week. There was none in the house...at all. But for some reason, I really needed a glass of wine. Maybe it's psychological and a way to deal with stress, but really, all I could think of was my Glacier's End white wine. I finally got a bottle yesterday and it was just what the doctor ordered.
I have no idea why,...it was just so darned good...and a treat like that is a nice thing to look forward to at the end of a looooooooong looooooooong day. (don't worry, I don't have a problem....i'm really very anal retentive when it comes to stuff like that) What is amusing to me is that now you can keep that cake and brownie....give me a nice glass of wine that I really like and I am good to go.
So here come the pants part of this blog...I bought a size 4 pants the other day. Well, if you can count Old Navy size 4's as real Size 4's...don't they tend to run large? well, 15 years ago, when I shopped there a lot, pants ran large...so that is where I am coming from.
These pants, however, have stayed in the bag....with the receipt.....for a week. I bought them, the button, they fit....yet mentally....I was just not ready. This really is unknown territory. Just the number alone. Forget that every size 6 is falling off of me and that I constantly have to hike things back up to my waist to prevent saggy butt. Mentally, I have been staring at this pair of pants in big denial. I can handle the 'Small' size on other pants, because smalls are usually a 4-6 range...but a 4? really? on a pair of pants I actually own?? yeah, sure whatever...
yup...they stayed in the bag with the receipt a few more days longer.
I tried them on again 2 days ago....and put them right back in the bag.
What is wrong with me? You'd think I'd be DANCING around the room right??? Other people would - I know that for sure...why am I not?!? what is holding me back?!? I did the 8's - the 6's with no problem....but this is completely different and I don't know why.
One pair of pants that really truly fit is what I was staring at and it scared me to death.
Is this maintainable??? really and truly maintainable???
I can answer this truthfully that I have been hanging around this weight/form for a while and hiking up those 6's for a while as well....so I guess....it is maintainable.
But still...there was something holding me back.
Today.....I put those pants back on.
I looked at them, the wee bit of uber self-critical 'muffin top' is there, but seriously, they are not falling down or baggy in the butt, so that alone is a big win compared to other pants I own.
I ripped the long sticker tag running down the leg off.
I ripped the fancy waistband tag off of the top edge.
I ripped the price tag off.
These pants were now mine.
No turning back now.
I wore those pants today like a woman who knows that she is wearing sexy red lingerie underneath her clothes.
It was like my own little powerful secret...and all because of this silly number on a tag? well, maybe. It is a number that I had never thought possible that I'd ever see in my lifetime. A number that I was not striving to achieve yet came across my path regardless.
I toasted my pants with a glass of wine tonight. If it was just this one day...it was nice to wear those pants and commemorate them as part of my journey.
If I don't wear them again, at least I can say I did, right?
Now you see there...that kind of thinking is what will get me in trouble. How about this....I hope I don't shrink them in the wash so I can wear them again. Speaking of which - I'd better handle the delicate wash from now on...don't want to ruin my 'trophy pants'.
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
So glad that the sun is out today!!!!!!!!
It feels like that this particular winter has been waaay to long and it's trying to still hang on by depressing everyone - including children!!!! My kids and their friends have been SO bummed about Mon and Tues this week being wash-outs. If you could have only seen their faces this morning when they saw the SUN!!!!!
They were already talking about recess by the time they hit the bus!
So happy for them!
And I am happy for me too....the glass box I wrote about before is back to it's usual largest, open transparent nature and I can finally BREATHE like myself once again!!!!
That bit of a funk took DAYS to get out of my system..but it finally did! Whew!
Thanks to everyone who read and commented because it really does mean a lot to just "be heard" sometimes. And I gleamed some insight from everyone's comments...thank you for that as well!
I think that the funk was lifted a bit more today when I went to Old Navy to buy some new pants. We went to Kohl's the other day with the boys in tow to get them new shirts for spring and Easter....and my hubby got a shirt or two...but I got....A candle. Needed? No, but there is this easter bunny candle holder that has been empty for 10 years and it finally peeved me enough to buy something for it. Shopping for myself with the family in tow is NOT an ideal situation - the kids were already whining to go....so I didn't try on anything at all for myself. A typical behavior from the past, but I will admit, I just wanted some new jeans & all the had were capri's and I didn't want to settle.
I'm not the hugest Old Navy fan anymore - I was 14 years ago, but now, not so much. In fact I hate the jeans I am putting in the bin....but I DID go buy the next smaller size....go figure. When they FIT, they are fine, but baggy, they are just not attractive. Meh...anyway,...I got some cute cargo's too - light and airy and perfect for spring...and on SALE! I love a sale.
So tonight - 2 stand-by pair of pants are hitting the give-away section of my closet...and that is how it should be. I don't hold on to things like that anymore.
Wow....that last line is a kicker. I think I won't hold on to ANYTHING that doesn't make me happy anymore. After all....it's just baggage, and really....who needs to lug all that crap around?!?
Have an awesome day Sparkfriends!!
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