Tuesday, July 26, 2011
....for about the 10000000 time!
I stink at challenges...so I decided today that my challenge will be to just challenge myself a bit more than normal.
This is going for more than just exercise, it's about everyday things as well...and that includes relaxing...because I tend to stink at that too.
Yes, I am a hot mess.
So with exercise, I wrote in my bible (a.k.a. my desk calendar) the days and times I should workout. DONE. The thing is to now follow through (despite my ever changing moods) and JUST DO IT...like NIke says.
So with food, it's not like I don't know what to do there, but it's my NEW VICES that I need to control more....and yes, my new vice is wine. I love my wine. I know I can have a glass everyday, but really, for me, it will be just like cake and cookies...I know this in my gut, so my new thing is to only have on occassion and with others. Which means that hubby has GOT to stop making his delicious sangria that he kinda got us hooked on to. Ahhh, summer sangria, you are evil So so yummy and full of sugary sweet goodness but I know better....you are really the in disguise and not regular old wine. So that I/we have been working on and it is pretty much a done deal.
On to family - there is always something to improve there...to be a better listener, to be a better player, to be more active (yet restrained) in one's child's life so you are there, yet you let them feel there way down the path....all that jazz. I do not PLAY enough with them.....I stink at board games. Yes, I do....and despite that, my husband married me! You see, he comes from a big board game family, and now that the kids are older, I think it is time to introduce the kids to his beloved world of boardgaming. Lord, give me patience. Today we are starting another one...we are in progress, so that is a good thing.
As for the household...we need to declutter, so that will be something I do everyday. Today we attack the kids' bedrooms!!!!! Garbage bags are in hand, sheets are in the wash...here we go. (again, I ask for patience....)
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Ever get to thinking and then your brain will not shut off when it is time to go to sleep?
Well, for me, this is one of those times. Honestly, it has been happening a lot in the past few months...I guess I have a lot on my mind.
I keep trying to blog and I keep erasing what I type.
Maybe if I list things - here it goes...
- hubby is looking hot and exercising consistently...I am not (even though I look the same as ever) and do not exercise consistently...am I feeling insignificant? like a failure? I am proud of all he has done...I say so aloud all the time...he does not for me (very rare to hear) Am I still attractive to him? it is silly to even think that because he never ever said things like that before when we were heavy, but why do I want to hear it now..from him? We're not the mushy sort, why am I being so sensitive about this?
- I need to finish some courses, but I am stuck on a final in one and 4 chapters and final in another. I have been putting it off for so long that I have to relearn..again, feeling like a failure because I seem to do this with many things I start. I burned out, took a break and now, here I am, feeling like a failure and needing to finish.
- I'm tired of speaking and not being heard in some areas of my life...kids are a given as to not listen, but abrasive, entitled adults really are starting to irritate....volunteering is sometimes a pain like that.
- I just went to a party this past weekend with my girlfriend and felt I was thrust right back to the ugly fat friend role (married & unavailable now is more to the point - kinda the same thing? LOL) ...even though SHE was upfront & honest and telling me to stop acting and thinking like the words I was saying about myself. She calls it "Ugly duckling syndrome"....it's a hard syndrome to shake sometimes. I have it so bad that I even noticed that I can't look a smiling handsome waiter in the eye!
- I have a solo mom-only, kid-free weekend coming up next weekend...and I have NO idea what to do with myself. I have to work on Sat morning, so going anywhere to visit someone on Fri for the weekend is not possible. Women I know from my kids' school are OK - noone really I would consider a BFF....and my local BFF will not be in town that weekend or else we'd be hanging out together. Most of these local women hang out with their own established groups, so I feel like a lonely loser asking a group to come over and hang out & drink, even though the one group I want to hang out DID come over a year ago & we had a blast. I guess it's that Ugly Duckling/Childhood shyness coming out here...but if I don't put myself out there, then I won't ever get anywhere either, right??? Oh...I don't know, maybe I will go get a facial and massage and have sushi....but that is hiding...but then again...oh nevermind...I can go on forever. Good god, I miss my longtime BFFs...I really wished they lived closer sometimes.
Just listing these few things shows that I need to set some goals and take some chances and be more "out there" again. It gets exhausting though...just like maintenance gets exhausting. "It" being on top and on point and not getting any kudos for the effort put out. Maybe THAT is what my problem is....self acceptance and self love for what I HAVE done. I don't know why I am so down lately...chalking it up to a cyclical episode.
Never said this journey was easy...must be the full moon in my brain shaking things up.
This too shall pass.
Time to set some goals up....THAT is the first step.
A step is to get exercising again now that this chest cold is going away. That will help with the sleep and the stress. First things first.
Friday, July 01, 2011
I've been reading a lot of blogs about the battle between body image and what our body's actually look like now after exercising and dieting (EWWW! I hate that word 'diet' but in this case, I will leave it alone.) I've touched on it before...but it really is a subject that I don't think will ever go away.
I think the thing to do is to confront it head on an really look and say "Hey, I look AOK." in the mirror every single day, and take those before pics out to remind oneself of where you were and where you are now.
Here's a recent something that happened to me in this regard to throwing those comfort zone issues right out the window:
When I went to the beach with my youngest last, he literally TOLD me to take off my coverup...I basically had no choice in the matter! He can be quite the persuasive stinker, that one! So...I did.
The next time we went to the beach (it was last Sunday) and we went as a family. We had a great time (without coverups & t-shirts on over our suits) and around noon....DH & I were talking while the older 2 were behind us throwing a ball....when only the oldest came back alone.
"Hey,where is your brother?" I ask.
"He said he was coming back here...he was babbling about Pokemon and I wasn't paying attention to him so he came back here."
Well, a long, stressed out, panic-y drama saga later...with the help of a bunch of mom's, lifeguards, and cops....we found our middle guy wandering a few lifeguard stations down looking for us!!!!
Thank GOD for the photo I took of him a half hour before that I showed these mom's...the teenage daughter got a good look and walked down the beach, and found him within 20 minutes of us starting the search. I sure gave HER a huge hug...after I hugged my son of course and told him I loved him but that I was then going to kill him for worrying us like that!
ANYWAY - my point comes to this. I was in my swimsuit THE ENTIRE TIME!!!! Not ONCE did I think, "I've got to put my coverup on!" I ran - BAYWATCH STYLE - from the boardwalk to the towel - goodness knows how far....in my swimsuit and with flip-flops throwing sand everywhere and beating the lifeguard who was with me...went back up to the police station to fill out a report with the cop....yup, all in my swimsuit.
Talk about a forced way to get over one's hangup!!!
On the way home, I realized that I was totally AOK with my body image at the beach...probably for the very first time in my life. For goodness sake, for a 38 year old mom of 3 who is not a work-out-aholic per se....yup, I am A. O. K.
Sure, there is always room for improvement...but right now...it's all good.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Well, woohoo...um, yay...hey kids, please pick up the family room.....please stop wrestling, someone is going to get hurt....can you pleeeasse stop repeating everything that he is saying?....Did you hear me??...Do I need to come in there??
I think, depending on the day, I am going to need to don a whistle and a black&white ref shirt.
Boredom = whining
Boredom = constant snacking (I'm talking about the adults too here)
Rain = boredom which = all of the above
So with the less hectic schedule comes the evils of summer.
So hubby and I are trying to get an economical (ahem,...cheap) handle on this summer. To keep things busy enough on OUR terms instead of other's terms (aka teams, religious ed, school & scout schedules). We do so much during the year on what other's need us to do...this is what we need to do for ourselves this summer.
THAT is our challenge for this summer....for our sanity.
On our to do list:
- Do some home improvements - paint the outside wood parts mostly.
- start piano lessons for my middle guy...possibly my oldest if he is interested. (I hope they will listen to my teaching or else that is a no go...we shall see)
- speech lessons 2x a week for my youngest (much needed for kindergarten prep - worth the money to keep it going)
- impromptu lacrosse practices on Tuesdays....we don't HAVE to go...it's optional & free
- set up playdates....I STINK at them. Self-proclaimed bad playdate-setter-upper here. I have to work on that and THIS is the summer to do it.
- go to Boston to visit my sister (ROADTRIP!!!)
- go to the wineries out East
I'm setting out my calendar today in between loads of laundry and getting to the planning!
It's time to RECHARGE these batteries!!!!!
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