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puffy & peeved

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

I love my family...but sometimes, when the out-of-towners come in, we hang....and I drink.

It really was NOT the food that killed this week for me....it was the drink.

I have been working out more...I have been tracking religiously...and yet..today....I stepped on the scale and was greeted with a number I have NOT seen in AGES.....134.9.

Basically 135.

And I am NOT happy.

I came down stairs, looked at my husband and said to him: "I really don't want to listen to you today. I do NOT need a recap of your workout, or what you just ate, or what you weigh or how you are dealing with your fluctuation over the last few days. I am pissed right now at a number on the scale that I have not seen in months and it is my own fault because when family visits I get stressed, and I drink more, and it's not as if I ate badly, but I drank more to be in a better mood for the last 3 days, and it's not my occassional glass of wine that did it - it was the one beer one day, and then 4 the next and then the 2 martini's and the BBQ we ate yesterday....and I cannot even tally it on the computer, but still, I am pissed and we are going away in 2 days where I have to wear a bathingsuit for a week and the last thing I wanted to do was to be puffy and bloated on this ginormous vacation and to feel like crap because GOD FORBID I eat like everyone else and indulge on occassion because HEAVEN FORBID I have cream and salt and sugar within 2 hours of eating one after another. ALL it gets me is 4 pounds of puff and nonsense, a gut that feels like I want to disembowel my own self, wash it out and put it all back in. Now I am going to get this coffee and go do my makeup."

So I went and I did my makeup......EVEN MY FACE IS PUFFY!!!!!!!!!

For the LOVE OF PETE!!!! WTF is going on?!?!?!?!

So I finally get done and go downstairs...hubby goes, "I hear ya honey, it's OK, do what ya gotta do for the next 2 days to feel better." and he gave me a hug, after which he asks, "Umm....are you PMS-ing? maybe that is part of the problem."

"Nah - I tallied it up and we should be good - let me look, I wrote down the last time....Oh crap...I should be getting it on the way back home."

SOOOOOOO - I am in PMS mode (Hello stress and mood swings) and with the salt and alcohol, oh and don't forget heat and humidity....I am UBER bloated as well.....wonderful emoticon

Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go pop some Pamprin PMS like jellybeans today, drink my water to flush this system out and move my body today to help it all along it's way.

Great timing.....greeeeeaaaat timing.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DWEXCEL 8/14/2011 8:47AM

    OMG I thought I was reading my own blog there for a minute! Don't beat yourself up, too bad; it's not like you do this all the time or anything like that. Sometimes you just gotta let go! And PMS hormones can certainly do a number on you, just like menopause ones. It's not fun. It's nice that your DH hugged you and said to get better; sometimes they just make it worse, and the next thing you know a humongous argument ensues.

Take it from me, Disney World is not a good place to be able to keep your eating in line. Lots of junk to be found every where! You'll be able to handle it better at the restaurants where the choices are better.

But no worries! Enjoy yourself. Have a great time, and when you get back home, just work really hard for a few days and you'll be back on track in no time!

Love ya!
Donna emoticon emoticon

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TASOGAREBAN 8/10/2011 4:53PM

    Oooh! Ooooooooh. I have had days and incidents like that and it completely wrecked me for like a week. I was also PMSing and I was also just irritated because of it all. My suggestion is to NOT LET IT GET TO YOU. I mean, hop back on the bandwagon, drink your water, go back to your regular diet and work out again and don't let it stress you out. THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

I feel like Gandalf without his staff.

Once the two days are up and you're back on your game, you should be back to your regular spirits and hopefully not bloated. Pamprin? Good to go! Water? DO IT! Fitness? Get on it!
Motivation?? YEP YEP!

Feeling better? Hopefully and PRICELESS. emoticon

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YAMINOKODOMO 8/9/2011 3:19PM

    I hear ya! I hate when I get puffy like that and espcially after just one weekend of eating badly, and drinking. Its amazing to me how much a weekend can make a difference!

My problem with my family is when they visit or when I visit them its just food food food drink drink drink, so I love hanging with my family member but I know no matter how good I am I will still gain SOMETHING just from hanging around them lol.

Hope you are feeling a little better today, just eat the way you normally it and do your workouts and hopefully by the time its time to leave for vaca you will feel much better emoticon emoticon

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REBECCATKD 8/9/2011 10:44AM

    Okay, crisis mode activated.

Pamprin? Check.
Water? Check.
Extra veggies today? Extra walk/jog/workout?
No eating after 8:00 p.m.?

Hell yeah, you can be swimsuit-ready in two days. After all, you wore a swimsuit a year ago and you were fine. No worries. It's a setback, but a minor one, and you can work past it.

(I've got more pep talk if you need it!)
emoticon

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OAKBORN 8/9/2011 7:55AM

    You'll get back! Hang in there! You know we are here to listen!

emoticon

I always weigh more during my period, btw...

Comment edited on: 8/9/2011 7:56:07 AM

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So far..so good.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Just wanted to update my personal challenge that I posted the other day.

Family fun was successful...one boardgame played twice, a few books read per kid, even playdates! That is pretty darned good considering I too also am lacking in the playdate department...I tell parents right off the bat that I am one of the worst when it comes to setting up or hosting. I'm being completely honest here - playdates are NOT my forte. LoL Next week are some more playdates and a scout picnic to be had....and family in town, which means socializing - I will tackle those food-situations as they arrive.

Family business also on hand was in cleaning the kids' rooms....they are thrilled just by moving a bed from one side of the wall to the other! It is really cute to hear them talk about how much better they sleep just from that! LoL Very cute. And here is the other bonus: they are making their beds! Eureka!!! So that is all I had to do to get them to do it! Switch their rooms around a wee bit! LOL

Exercise that has been written on the calendar has been DONE! Woohoo! (Self-Pat on the back going on right now.) Mid-week was my break and I actually missed it after 4 active days . Today it was good to get back on the treadmill. So that plan was a good one. Spark right now is screaming at me to up my calories....I was hungry on Tuesday (really ravinous - OMG-I-am-going-to-eat- my-own-arm-hungry) and that was satisfied just right with dinner & I have been fine since...we shall see after the next few days. If I see that happening again, I will address it then. Let's face it, the body knows when it is not getting enough fuel, so when it screams like that, I will give it it's extra protein/carbs/fats it needs. Just looked at next week and made that schedule up too! We shall see if my plan continues to work!

As for the wine...well, emoticon I had a glass on Wed night and then at lunch on Thursday. Straight up Pinot - nothing uber-sweet like the evil sangria emoticon and I was totally in calories, so there really should be not guilt on my part....so there will not be any! LoL What's the study about one glass a day? Yeah, I'm not going to beat myself up over that one. If it was the evil sangria emoticon every other day well, then that would be a different story! emoticon Now, once again, I am done for a little bit since I am on full out mom-duty for the next 3 days.

My mom-only family-free weekend I had LAST weekend was just that...family free and VERY VERY quiet and VERY alone...which is what I needed. The constant go here & go there was ceased. No talking was nice too. MY movies I rented were nice to see. Sleep was right what the doctor ordered. However, I did miss the crew by the end of the second day and was glad when they came back with their hustle & bustle of "Get me this, get me that" and "honey what are we going to make for dinner?" conversations. This weekend hubby is away on a trip - a well deserved on at that since he was in 100+ degree heat & camping with the kids last weekend!

So that's it for now. I'm sure I'm missing something, but that's it. Nothing eye opening, or profound...just stuff going on. Moving forward.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DWEXCEL 8/3/2011 7:06AM

    OH yea! Good for you, girl.

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HEALTHY4JEANNE 7/31/2011 5:21PM

    Good job on reaching your goals that you set!

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FULLOFFAITH 7/30/2011 5:00PM

    That's right annie get it done a little at a time. Good Job!!!

Lisa

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REBECCATKD 7/29/2011 9:28PM

    Great progress! Here's another pat on the back for you! emoticon

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OAKBORN 7/29/2011 8:01PM

    So glad to hear that you are meeting the challenges and tackling them! Bit by bit! Also glad to here that you had your space weekend!

Woot! Enjoy the hustle and bustle!

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Challenging myself

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

....for about the 10000000 time!

I stink at challenges...so I decided today that my challenge will be to just challenge myself a bit more than normal.

This is going for more than just exercise, it's about everyday things as well...and that includes relaxing...because I tend to stink at that too.

Yes, I am a hot mess. emoticon

So with exercise, I wrote in my bible (a.k.a. my desk calendar) the days and times I should workout. DONE. The thing is to now follow through (despite my ever changing moods) and JUST DO IT...like NIke says.

So with food, it's not like I don't know what to do there, but it's my NEW VICES that I need to control more....and yes, my new vice is wine. I love my wine. I know I can have a glass everyday, but really, for me, it will be just like cake and cookies...I know this in my gut, so my new thing is to only have on occassion and with others. Which means that hubby has GOT to stop making his delicious sangria that he kinda got us hooked on to. Ahhh, summer sangria, you are evil emoticon So so yummy and full of sugary sweet goodness emoticon but I know better....you are really the emoticon in disguise and not regular old wine. So that I/we have been working on and it is pretty much a done deal.

On to family - there is always something to improve there...to be a better listener, to be a better player, to be more active (yet restrained) in one's child's life so you are there, yet you let them feel there way down the path....all that jazz. I do not PLAY enough with them.....I stink at board games. Yes, I do....and despite that, my husband married me! You see, he comes from a big board game family, and now that the kids are older, I think it is time to introduce the kids to his beloved world of boardgaming. Lord, give me patience. Today we are starting another one...we are in progress, so that is a good thing.

As for the household...we need to declutter, so that will be something I do everyday. Today we attack the kids' bedrooms!!!!! Garbage bags are in hand, sheets are in the wash...here we go. (again, I ask for patience....)

Challenges set.....

Ready...

Set...

GO!!!! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TASOGAREBAN 8/2/2011 12:25PM

    LOL! This is late, sorry lady. But DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE! DO NOT PLAY MONOPOLY. OMG. YOU'LL NEVER EEEEEEEEEEND.

I used to love Monopoly, hahahahahah! I also liked Operation and Candyland. Trivia Pursuit was another cool one for me although I'm dumber than a 5th grader, LOL!

And my fave was Concord Grape Manischewitz. That sugar water WAS DA BOMB! That's how I gained all my weight, hahahahahaha! Yami looooooves Sangria so I'm sure she can relate with your sangria weakness. Stick to the plan, build up that willpower, lady! You can do it!

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AMJSATURN 7/28/2011 10:04PM

    Ha ha , I can relate to the Sangria. Not homemade but store brought. A glass every night to help me sleep during this menopausal season. LOL emoticon

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REBECCATKD 7/27/2011 10:09PM

    How many challenges are you working on, girl? Slow down! I'm worried that you'll get overwhelmed and stressed out.

However, if you're not a fan of board games, try Uno! emoticon

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DWEXCEL 7/27/2011 9:41PM

    Wow....that made me tired just reading about all that! LOL! Oh, and, BTW, does your wine count as a fruit????? Just kidding! LOL!

I love how you get yourself organized and together. Sounds like some big changes are on the way!

Luv ya!
Donna

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OAKBORN 7/26/2011 11:29AM

    Just don't get stuck in a Monopoly marathon! Try cut throat waterworks!

Even worse, don't buy a set of Talisman... you will be wandering around trying to get into the Crown of Command for fricking ever!

Good job mom! You can do it!


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Feeling better & Camping!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

We are going CAMPING!!!

WE haven't been in a month and the whole crew is excited to go...I even think our pop-up was getting lonely at this point!

We had a great 2 days prior to this,....hubby and I had a pre-Anniversary date night and saw Harry Potter (which was AWESOME) and then went out to dinner at a new place we heard was really good..and it was! Yesterday we were at my brother's annual block party and we were there for about 6 hours...I played nurse to a 10 year old girl who fell head over heels off her bike, so that was some excitement - her chin kept bleeding and her & her mother kept clashing, so it was a good thing I was there...and 2 minutes after we got her into her own home....my own son wiped out!! I had no idea until I emerged 20 minutes later! Boys react differently than girls, that is for SURE! Both wound up AOK and will live to show a few scars.

As for me, I am feeling a ton better since my last blog...that is why I love Spark so much....whenever you are at your lowest, all you need to do is reach out and BAM! you get the support that you need. And I needed some support....I also needed that full moon to go away, and it did!! Whew!!...darn those full moons! LoL

On a side note....ever have a dream about someone you haven't seen in a long time? and then they give you a hug??? I had one of those last night...it was nice to have a "hug" like that. It was kind of like the cyber-hugs we give each other here on Spark.

Anyway....

Since I'll be a bit quiet for a while - HAVE A GREAT SUNDAY!!!! and I'll see ya on Wednesday!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PICKIE98 7/17/2011 8:28AM

    Yes, I have had those dreams,, nice,,

Enjoy camping, take your first aid kit for that son of yours!!
Drink that water!!!

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DWEXCEL 7/17/2011 7:58AM

    Yep.......nice to see you're back to your old self again! Knew it wouldn't take you much!!!!

Lots of Love,
Donna emoticon

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Insomnia brain

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Ever get to thinking and then your brain will not shut off when it is time to go to sleep?

Well, for me, this is one of those times. Honestly, it has been happening a lot in the past few months...I guess I have a lot on my mind.

I keep trying to blog and I keep erasing what I type.

Maybe if I list things - here it goes...

- hubby is looking hot and exercising consistently...I am not (even though I look the same as ever) and do not exercise consistently...am I feeling insignificant? like a failure? I am proud of all he has done...I say so aloud all the time...he does not for me (very rare to hear) Am I still attractive to him? it is silly to even think that because he never ever said things like that before when we were heavy, but why do I want to hear it now..from him? We're not the mushy sort, why am I being so sensitive about this?

- I need to finish some courses, but I am stuck on a final in one and 4 chapters and final in another. I have been putting it off for so long that I have to relearn..again, feeling like a failure because I seem to do this with many things I start. I burned out, took a break and now, here I am, feeling like a failure and needing to finish.

- I'm tired of speaking and not being heard in some areas of my life...kids are a given as to not listen, but abrasive, entitled adults really are starting to irritate....volunteering is sometimes a pain like that.

- I just went to a party this past weekend with my girlfriend and felt I was thrust right back to the ugly fat friend role (married & unavailable now is more to the point - kinda the same thing? LOL) ...even though SHE was upfront & honest and telling me to stop acting and thinking like the words I was saying about myself. She calls it "Ugly duckling syndrome"....it's a hard syndrome to shake sometimes. I have it so bad that I even noticed that I can't look a smiling handsome waiter in the eye!

- I have a solo mom-only, kid-free weekend coming up next weekend...and I have NO idea what to do with myself. I have to work on Sat morning, so going anywhere to visit someone on Fri for the weekend is not possible. Women I know from my kids' school are OK - noone really I would consider a BFF....and my local BFF will not be in town that weekend or else we'd be hanging out together. Most of these local women hang out with their own established groups, so I feel like a lonely loser asking a group to come over and hang out & drink, even though the one group I want to hang out DID come over a year ago & we had a blast. I guess it's that Ugly Duckling/Childhood shyness coming out here...but if I don't put myself out there, then I won't ever get anywhere either, right??? Oh...I don't know, maybe I will go get a facial and massage and have sushi....but that is hiding...but then again...oh nevermind...I can go on forever. Good god, I miss my longtime BFFs...I really wished they lived closer sometimes.

Just listing these few things shows that I need to set some goals and take some chances and be more "out there" again. It gets exhausting though...just like maintenance gets exhausting. "It" being on top and on point and not getting any kudos for the effort put out. Maybe THAT is what my problem is....self acceptance and self love for what I HAVE done. I don't know why I am so down lately...chalking it up to a cyclical episode.

Never said this journey was easy...must be the full moon in my brain shaking things up.

This too shall pass.

Time to set some goals up....THAT is the first step.

A step is to get exercising again now that this chest cold is going away. That will help with the sleep and the stress. First things first.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUZYWM 7/21/2011 1:32AM

    Hi Hon - So glad you blogged this out, and I hope you ended up enjoying your solo-time.

I didn't read everyone else's response, but I think we all have times when we need more reinforcement. Maintaining a happy strong marriage is hard when you have young children who need so much. I hope you two are getting out for some date time. I know it's easier said than done.

And you need fun time with friends too - missing bff's makes so much sense. Someone you can say anything to, laugh about awful things that other people might think you're mental about . . . someone to reinforce your goodness, normalcy and humanity.

The wanna-be therapist in me wants to ask what you've done for yourself lately, just for you.

And the classes? You'll knock them out. You're awesome.

Like everything else, these moods shall also pass. Everything changes.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FULLOFFAITH 7/16/2011 4:51PM

    Hi my friend, I will keep this short and sweet.You a failure NOPE, You have so much on your plate at one time you are bond to burn out. Hope you decided on something fun to do since you have the day to yourself and as a mother I know those days are rare.

Wish I lived there we could have totally hung out.

Lisa

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TASOGAREBAN 7/14/2011 1:47PM

    I think the reason why you want to hear your husband give you nice words is because you want to reinforce that the weight loss journey was in fact a journey and that hard work was put into it. Your husband sounds a lot like my man. He used to compliment me in the veeeeeerry beginning of our relationship, the first three months. After that, he just stopped. And now that I'm pretty much at goal weight, I want to hear him compliment me because I need someone to understand that losing and maintaining isn't easy and isn't for everyone. If we could all do it easily, we'd all be fit and healthy. But the fact that it isn't easy makes us want some kind of acknowledgement that we did it/are doing it. Does that make sense?

I would never consider you a failure. I DO think you kill yourself with all you do though so I'm not surprised you're burning out. I think you might need a bit of a break or maybe a little bit of time to yourself. You might just have too much on your plate which is why you're freaking out!

And ASDFGHJKL!! What the?? Hey now, Married and Unavailable doesn't mean rude and dead! Can't look a handsome waiter in the eye?? C'mon now, girl. Everything you've accomplished, you need to get over that Ugly Duck syndrome crap! And I would say that if you had a great time with that group last year then you do it again! I mean, the whole point is to enjoy a day to yourself and if that's going to do it for you, why not go for it?? Kick that Ugly Duckling syndome to the curb!

And yeah, definitely set goals. And get those finals and all that out of the way so it stops wearing on you! You need to enjoy yourself! Life is short, my friend!

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OAKBORN 7/14/2011 11:39AM

    Hang in there Amazing Woman (TM)! That is YOUR (TM) by the way, I say so!

Maybe just take time for yourself and do nothing while you have the time... you can allow yourself to do nothing. Sometimes a little solitary brain time is the best thing you can do for yourself!

Read a book, go for a solitary swim, eat popcorn (plain, unbuttered)... do what YOU need!

emoticon emoticon WOMAN!

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DWEXCEL 7/14/2011 7:39AM

    Good Morning Annie!

OK.....First thing......Failure is NOT a word I would ever even begin to think of to describe you in any way or manner!!! So don't you either. You have done AMAZING things with your life.....your awesome weight loss, being a super busy Mom, motivating your husband to lose and get into shape, motivating all of us, going back to school...and those are just the things that I know about you. I'm sure the list is even more impressive!

Sometimes, husbands can be the meanest animal in the world, without even knowing they are doing it. He has probably gotten used to the "new you", and has difficulty remembering how you were when you were heavy. Another thing, they forget how "sensitive" we girls can be, even though they've lived with us for years, and the same old things still bother us the same way......they just don't get it. And sometimes they are the "it" that are bothering us.

You are the kind of person (I believe) who puts everything into what they do, and push, push, push, to the point of burn out. Think about how many things you are doing.....no wonder you are feeling like this. But do not worry....this is who you are....and you wouldn't be you, if you didn't do things this way. I'm kindda the same way to. And for me, it's a cyclical kind of thing. In a few days you'll be back to feeling great again...running at 120%....we just have to learn chose what are the most important things, and that 100% is really good enough.

Here's the third thing, and it's just an opinion. But sometimes, we just "outgrow" our friends. Look at all the changes you have made in the last few years. It's likely that you are a completely different person than you were. And sometimes, they/friends change too. But sometimes you change, but they don't. Don't beat yourself up for improving yourself! I had a very heartbreaking experience with somebody I thought was my BFF about 10-12 years ago. Turns out we both grew in different directions....separately. Nevertheless, it hurt to find out her definition of friendship and what friends do for etch other in times of need had changed. She put me in a very difficult situation, and I had to chose. Not to mention, that sometimes, you make all these changes, and your friends don't, and sometimes that evil green jealous monster rears it's ugly, sabotaging face....in ways that we don't even know. So again, don't beat yourself up for improving yourself!

With that being said, you already know what you have to do....you already said it. The goal oriented person that you are, you are already working on setting new ones....see even more change is coming.

If I do have anything to offer, it is what great therapy, medicine, etc. consistent exercise can be. I can and do work off a lot of frustration, in addition to a lot of calories! Not to mention how good you feel when you're done! And it is proven to make you sleep better too!

So you Go Girl! I hate to see when you get down on yourself. But it just proves that you are human, just like the rest of us. This too shall pass, and you'll be better than ever. I just know it!

Wow....look at that....me giving you advice for a change. LOL! And I feel good having given you those words. BTW,my friend and I did work things out. She's also my next door neighbor. It was very difficult for a while. It actually took years, but we are friends again, just a different kind of friendship. We're OK, but I recognize that it will never be the same as it was before.
emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/14/2011 7:43:19 AM

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