Tuesday, August 09, 2011
I love my family...but sometimes, when the out-of-towners come in, we hang....and I drink.
It really was NOT the food that killed this week for me....it was the drink.
I have been working out more...I have been tracking religiously...and yet..today....I stepped on the scale and was greeted with a number I have NOT seen in AGES.....134.9.
And I am NOT happy.
I came down stairs, looked at my husband and said to him: "I really don't want to listen to you today. I do NOT need a recap of your workout, or what you just ate, or what you weigh or how you are dealing with your fluctuation over the last few days. I am pissed right now at a number on the scale that I have not seen in months and it is my own fault because when family visits I get stressed, and I drink more, and it's not as if I ate badly, but I drank more to be in a better mood for the last 3 days, and it's not my occassional glass of wine that did it - it was the one beer one day, and then 4 the next and then the 2 martini's and the BBQ we ate yesterday....and I cannot even tally it on the computer, but still, I am pissed and we are going away in 2 days where I have to wear a bathingsuit for a week and the last thing I wanted to do was to be puffy and bloated on this ginormous vacation and to feel like crap because GOD FORBID I eat like everyone else and indulge on occassion because HEAVEN FORBID I have cream and salt and sugar within 2 hours of eating one after another. ALL it gets me is 4 pounds of puff and nonsense, a gut that feels like I want to disembowel my own self, wash it out and put it all back in. Now I am going to get this coffee and go do my makeup."
So I went and I did my makeup......EVEN MY FACE IS PUFFY!!!!!!!!!
For the LOVE OF PETE!!!! WTF is going on?!?!?!?!
So I finally get done and go downstairs...hubby goes, "I hear ya honey, it's OK, do what ya gotta do for the next 2 days to feel better." and he gave me a hug, after which he asks, "Umm....are you PMS-ing? maybe that is part of the problem."
"Nah - I tallied it up and we should be good - let me look, I wrote down the last time....Oh crap...I should be getting it on the way back home."
SOOOOOOO - I am in PMS mode (Hello stress and mood swings) and with the salt and alcohol, oh and don't forget heat and humidity....I am UBER bloated as well.....wonderful
Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go pop some Pamprin PMS like jellybeans today, drink my water to flush this system out and move my body today to help it all along it's way.
Great timing.....greeeeeaaaat timing.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Just wanted to update my personal challenge that I posted the other day.
Family fun was successful...one boardgame played twice, a few books read per kid, even playdates! That is pretty darned good considering I too also am lacking in the playdate department...I tell parents right off the bat that I am one of the worst when it comes to setting up or hosting. I'm being completely honest here - playdates are NOT my forte. LoL Next week are some more playdates and a scout picnic to be had....and family in town, which means socializing - I will tackle those food-situations as they arrive.
Family business also on hand was in cleaning the kids' rooms....they are thrilled just by moving a bed from one side of the wall to the other! It is really cute to hear them talk about how much better they sleep just from that! LoL Very cute. And here is the other bonus: they are making their beds! Eureka!!! So that is all I had to do to get them to do it! Switch their rooms around a wee bit! LOL
Exercise that has been written on the calendar has been DONE! Woohoo! (Self-Pat on the back going on right now.) Mid-week was my break and I actually missed it after 4 active days . Today it was good to get back on the treadmill. So that plan was a good one. Spark right now is screaming at me to up my calories....I was hungry on Tuesday (really ravinous - OMG-I-am-going-to-eat- my-own-arm-hungry) and that was satisfied just right with dinner & I have been fine since...we shall see after the next few days. If I see that happening again, I will address it then. Let's face it, the body knows when it is not getting enough fuel, so when it screams like that, I will give it it's extra protein/carbs/fats it needs. Just looked at next week and made that schedule up too! We shall see if my plan continues to work!
As for the wine...well, I had a glass on Wed night and then at lunch on Thursday. Straight up Pinot - nothing uber-sweet like the evil sangria and I was totally in calories, so there really should be not guilt on my part....so there will not be any! LoL What's the study about one glass a day? Yeah, I'm not going to beat myself up over that one. If it was the evil sangria every other day well, then that would be a different story! Now, once again, I am done for a little bit since I am on full out mom-duty for the next 3 days.
My mom-only family-free weekend I had LAST weekend was just that...family free and VERY VERY quiet and VERY alone...which is what I needed. The constant go here & go there was ceased. No talking was nice too. MY movies I rented were nice to see. Sleep was right what the doctor ordered. However, I did miss the crew by the end of the second day and was glad when they came back with their hustle & bustle of "Get me this, get me that" and "honey what are we going to make for dinner?" conversations. This weekend hubby is away on a trip - a well deserved on at that since he was in 100+ degree heat & camping with the kids last weekend!
So that's it for now. I'm sure I'm missing something, but that's it. Nothing eye opening, or profound...just stuff going on. Moving forward.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
....for about the 10000000 time!
I stink at challenges...so I decided today that my challenge will be to just challenge myself a bit more than normal.
This is going for more than just exercise, it's about everyday things as well...and that includes relaxing...because I tend to stink at that too.
Yes, I am a hot mess.
So with exercise, I wrote in my bible (a.k.a. my desk calendar) the days and times I should workout. DONE. The thing is to now follow through (despite my ever changing moods) and JUST DO IT...like NIke says.
So with food, it's not like I don't know what to do there, but it's my NEW VICES that I need to control more....and yes, my new vice is wine. I love my wine. I know I can have a glass everyday, but really, for me, it will be just like cake and cookies...I know this in my gut, so my new thing is to only have on occassion and with others. Which means that hubby has GOT to stop making his delicious sangria that he kinda got us hooked on to. Ahhh, summer sangria, you are evil So so yummy and full of sugary sweet goodness but I know better....you are really the in disguise and not regular old wine. So that I/we have been working on and it is pretty much a done deal.
On to family - there is always something to improve there...to be a better listener, to be a better player, to be more active (yet restrained) in one's child's life so you are there, yet you let them feel there way down the path....all that jazz. I do not PLAY enough with them.....I stink at board games. Yes, I do....and despite that, my husband married me! You see, he comes from a big board game family, and now that the kids are older, I think it is time to introduce the kids to his beloved world of boardgaming. Lord, give me patience. Today we are starting another one...we are in progress, so that is a good thing.
As for the household...we need to declutter, so that will be something I do everyday. Today we attack the kids' bedrooms!!!!! Garbage bags are in hand, sheets are in the wash...here we go. (again, I ask for patience....)
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Ever get to thinking and then your brain will not shut off when it is time to go to sleep?
Well, for me, this is one of those times. Honestly, it has been happening a lot in the past few months...I guess I have a lot on my mind.
I keep trying to blog and I keep erasing what I type.
Maybe if I list things - here it goes...
- hubby is looking hot and exercising consistently...I am not (even though I look the same as ever) and do not exercise consistently...am I feeling insignificant? like a failure? I am proud of all he has done...I say so aloud all the time...he does not for me (very rare to hear) Am I still attractive to him? it is silly to even think that because he never ever said things like that before when we were heavy, but why do I want to hear it now..from him? We're not the mushy sort, why am I being so sensitive about this?
- I need to finish some courses, but I am stuck on a final in one and 4 chapters and final in another. I have been putting it off for so long that I have to relearn..again, feeling like a failure because I seem to do this with many things I start. I burned out, took a break and now, here I am, feeling like a failure and needing to finish.
- I'm tired of speaking and not being heard in some areas of my life...kids are a given as to not listen, but abrasive, entitled adults really are starting to irritate....volunteering is sometimes a pain like that.
- I just went to a party this past weekend with my girlfriend and felt I was thrust right back to the ugly fat friend role (married & unavailable now is more to the point - kinda the same thing? LOL) ...even though SHE was upfront & honest and telling me to stop acting and thinking like the words I was saying about myself. She calls it "Ugly duckling syndrome"....it's a hard syndrome to shake sometimes. I have it so bad that I even noticed that I can't look a smiling handsome waiter in the eye!
- I have a solo mom-only, kid-free weekend coming up next weekend...and I have NO idea what to do with myself. I have to work on Sat morning, so going anywhere to visit someone on Fri for the weekend is not possible. Women I know from my kids' school are OK - noone really I would consider a BFF....and my local BFF will not be in town that weekend or else we'd be hanging out together. Most of these local women hang out with their own established groups, so I feel like a lonely loser asking a group to come over and hang out & drink, even though the one group I want to hang out DID come over a year ago & we had a blast. I guess it's that Ugly Duckling/Childhood shyness coming out here...but if I don't put myself out there, then I won't ever get anywhere either, right??? Oh...I don't know, maybe I will go get a facial and massage and have sushi....but that is hiding...but then again...oh nevermind...I can go on forever. Good god, I miss my longtime BFFs...I really wished they lived closer sometimes.
Just listing these few things shows that I need to set some goals and take some chances and be more "out there" again. It gets exhausting though...just like maintenance gets exhausting. "It" being on top and on point and not getting any kudos for the effort put out. Maybe THAT is what my problem is....self acceptance and self love for what I HAVE done. I don't know why I am so down lately...chalking it up to a cyclical episode.
Never said this journey was easy...must be the full moon in my brain shaking things up.
This too shall pass.
Time to set some goals up....THAT is the first step.
A step is to get exercising again now that this chest cold is going away. That will help with the sleep and the stress. First things first.
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