ANNIEONLI   48,021
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So this is what a backbone feels like!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

I have about 2 minutes to type this...I have to go back to work...but I just got off of the phone and the last thing I said was "Imagine that, I have a backbone!" and then I started to get teary-eyed.

Even now I am a bit while writing this.

I have finally made a decision on where I stand with scouts...and I even verbalized it to the head of the pack...I WILL NOT take over as the leader of this organization. Period.

The last few weeks have been horrible when it comes to stress about this organization. The stupid misconstrued emails. the drama over organizing things and keeping people happy, the crazy blow-ups that the cubmaster has because she is who she is and she is a stressed hot mess herself. I understand where people come from - and I also understand that sometimes...things are just not worth it.

That being said, I drew my line in the freshly poured concrete and that is where it is staying.
- if the organization folds- even as early as Decemeber, then so be it.
- a volunteer organization is just that...and should NOT make people stressed out.
- if the organization folds, then guess what? people will get over it. Oh yes, they will. A couple of "Awww, how sads" and "Awww, too bads" will be muttered, but hmmm, I think that is about it.
-if someone happens to step up, then great, I might stick around to support them under MY terms.

I spoke up today. I am standing firm in my decision, because this is MY life. I have other things that take precedence over this...and you know what? they deserve more respect than what I have been giving them, as of late.

My soul rejoiced yesterday when I made this decision. I am so happy that it is made.

In the meantime, I will continue to be supportive, but also with the focus that OTHERS should step up and NOT JUST ME. If someone wants to do something for this organization, then guess what - well, just do it, because this woman is not crossing that line that she just drew....with a big giant smiley face right next to it! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMJSATURN 10/17/2011 7:48PM

    You go. Backbone you do have.

Love that you keep it real.

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REBECCATKD 10/2/2011 10:03PM

    Good for you! You know, we had a slew of people leave our PTA last year, and everyone said, "Oh, they won't have any support now." Instead, an entirely new group of people (including me as a new kindergarten parent!) stepped up, and the organization is thriving.

If you're not enjoying it, then you need to step back. Kudos to you for making the right decision.

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DWEXCEL 10/2/2011 7:35AM

    Good for you, my friend! I am so proud of you. You are soooooo right. You don't need that kind of stress in your life. It takes a lot of "backbone" to say NO, and I'm sure you feel so much better just having done that.

It's too bad that volunteer groups cause that kind of stress.....that's a terrible way to say Thank you to the volunteers; and heaven knows it's so hard to find volunteers, too.

You've got it together Girl! You don't need that kind of crap!

Love ya!
Donna emoticon emoticon

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OAKSHAVEN 9/29/2011 11:32PM

    Been there, and you know what? If the organization is worth having, someone will make it happen. Good for you for standing up and stating what YOU need. It is the only way to survive and stay sane. emoticon

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TYME2BME 9/29/2011 6:27PM

    emoticon Good for you. Do what is best for you. I am so happy for you.

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SUZYWM 9/29/2011 4:32PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Yay!! Great job! What a terrific example for your kids! I'm proud of you!

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TASOGAREBAN 9/29/2011 2:38PM

    Good. It's always mentioned in those self-help articles and How to Deal With Stress articles that you should learn the word No. Not only do I know the word, I wield it every dang day. That and I Don't Care but that one's a bit more heartless, LOL! However, that one also has helped me manage the burdens I normally carried. It doesn't all fall on you. Let things go if they're too much and leave room for things you actually ENJOY.

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OAKBORN 9/29/2011 1:56PM

    You Go Girl!! emoticon

Empowerment make you strong in the backbone and gives you greater intestinal fortitude as well! You are amazing and you are doing the right thing for you and your family!

Keep on keepin' on! If people want it bad enough, they will step up. Period. End of Story.

Very proud of you!

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    Awesome, way to stand up for yourself!
I have about less than a minute to post a comment, I'm in the same boat as you trying to work and spark. I crept on here at lunch and voom, all time gone just like that. Anyway life itself is stressfull enough to add a big stinky pile of more stress on top of it. Stand your ground and you'll feel so much better because you did what you thought was right.
Plus there will always be the one person who is never happy no matter how you bend or twist just to try to please them. :))
Good Job girlie, wayyy proud of you!

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Week 3 walking recap

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Ahhh....I have been blogging a bit haven't I.

Anyway, this isn't about stress (which has decreased) or venting about a particular group (that I am setting up distinct boundaries with).....this is about me & Leslie and walking....and a silly dress that I try on every week!

So the weight today was 131.2 - not bad.

The dress I tried on after I exercised for an hour - a little bit of circulation puff going on for sure, but over all, as soon as I adjust the 'girls' in their pushup bra that I wore with the dress in the first place....the thing zipped up once again, maybe even easier than last week....less contorting for some reason.

Trying to figure out if there was any difference from last week. Hmmmm....maybe the back spilllage (which we all have) was lessened a bit? The arm pit area was definitely a bit better. so there ya go.

It was a rough week for exercising and walking - I will not lie. There was one day that I was just NOT in the mood to do ANYTHING. But on a good note, I still got 3 days in...which is very consistent for me - even when I am not trying to be consistent. Does that make sense?

I am happy about this week because I am now officially on the precipace of "blowing my usual streak of 3 weeks and then life getting in the way" - as per my lovely cyclical exerise past. So, as you can see, for me, THIS upcoming week is a big week to get though.

One thing Leslie has taught me is that it is just important to keep moving...and since I have taken up walking outside (yeah baby....I even did it again today! The confidence of being alone on the road is building!) I am really looking forward to going camping and boogying around the campsite with my headphones on for a half an hour a day at least! I did Leslie today as well....a new video that included toning - how exciting!!!!! LoL

So that is about it......this week is about keeping up the consistency. I would like to see my walks become a habit that I "need" instead of "want". Again, does that make sense? LoL

OK - I am off and running....lots to do today!

Be well everyone!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DWEXCEL 9/29/2011 6:26AM

    Good job my dear! Good Job! Fall really is a beautiful time to walk outside.

Enjoy the camping trip!

Luv ya,Donna emoticon

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OAKBORN 9/27/2011 1:41PM

    I so get what you are saying! Keep up the good work!!

Here's a special cheer for you: emoticon


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All things pass/volunteer vent

Friday, September 23, 2011

So the outcome of all my stress this week was that I made a final decision that canceled a camping trip for our cub scout pack that I was basically in charge of....I think God intervened with a hail-mary pass because inclement weather has made me decide to cancel it officially.

Lots of lessons learned on this one:
#1 - if you SAY there is a minimum needed to go...then MEAN it. If I had just stayed firm on that one point, I would have saved myself a TON of aggrevation and stress. BUT I did not say NO because I am too nice....and then it all went downhill from there. Needless to say, some rules for camping are now going to be set in stone if I am to be in charge of this section of the program.

#2 - Redundancy of trained leaders is needed...not wanted...NEEDED. Why? because with only me & my husband as trained leaders for an event such as this, there is a TON of unnecessary stress put onto our shoulders because if one of us cannot go on the campout - then the whole campout has to be canceled. I started praying that I didn't get the flu a week ago...that is ridiculous to even think, but I thought it. If there were 2 more trained parents in separate families, then this would not even be a concern....AND it would help out with other decisions as well.

#3 - If, for any reason, a family/scout does NOT get the requirements done in time and the opportunity is/has been is THEIR responsibility - not mine - to fulfill them or figure out how to fulfill them.

#4 - If parents cannot get it in their heads after X amount of YEARS in this group that email is the most effective communication device that is used by its VOLUNTEER leaders to use...and if they do not check it regularly and MISS deadline because of it....IT IS NOT MY PROBLEM! Grow up people...use your computer, buy a new computer for $400 if you have to - it's an investment for chrissakes, use your crackberry ad nauseum...I do not care....but if I say 'reply' in an email, I mean it. If I say that this deadline is firm - I mean it. I will NOT hunt you down for anything....EVER. End . of. story.

Those were the major lessons learned from this experience...this might end up in an email to the pack, I do not know. I do know for sure that these points will be brought up in the next committee meeting....and written down on paper for the group to see. A post-camping review of the whole experience so to speak....hey, BSA wants that kind of thing done anyway...from now on, I am going by that book.

So that being said, and vented, i am happy to say that I am sitting here in my workout clothes and am going to go on the treadmill for a leisurely stoll today while listening to some new tunes I downloaded yesterday.

Next week is my own family's camping trip in our popup that has been sitting for months unused and fact we are going with some friends we made while in scouts - they just bought their own camper! With all the stress of this new school year starting and this whole snafu I descibed above, a change of scenery will be very welcome! Now THIS is a campout I cannot wait to go on!!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OAKBORN 9/23/2011 10:38AM

Rest assured that you have done what you needed to do, by the letter of the law, so to speak and for your own sanity.

I understand what it is to be a "fixer"... to want to fix everything for everyone, but you have to have your boundaries too... and when you aren't used to drawing them, it's a very hard skill to learn. And sometimes we have to practice a lot to get it down, ie. RELEARN and RELEARN and RELEARN... (I know this from personal experience).

It's sort of like learning that it's okay to ask for a little time by yourself or to do nothing once terwhile... find your space and claim it to keep yourself healthy and on a lower level of stress.

This asking for & occasionally taking what we need is part of the journey here, I think. To lose the weight, you have had to take time from family, but you have paid them back for their sacrifice in so many ways.

Also, if you make the rules & expectations clear, and they aren't followed, then it's not your fault if they aren't. That is perfectly okay. If they get pissed at you, then they really should look in the mirror, point at it, and see where the majority of their fingers are really pointing.

Take care and enjoy the weekend campout with your family and newfound friends! Sounds like you got some lemonade from the lemons you have gotten pelted with!


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STSCOTT11 9/23/2011 9:51AM

    Enjoy your new tunes AND your stroll. Its just what you need.
Your doing the best YOU CAN and that's all you can do.
And don't feel bad...cause perhaps what the other parents MIGHT SEE is they need to be MORE INVOLVED and lend a hand and not leave it all on the shoulders of one willing body.
Is the weekend BAAABY!
Let the stress of the week ROLL OFF your back like sweat does.
Things always work out AS THEY SHOULD even if we don't agree with it. lol

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Old demons

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

everyone's got them
emoticon emoticon emoticon
They tend to come about during the most inopportune times too: when you are overtired, overstressed, overworked.......just done over like a big hot mess!

I'm not just talking about me in particular this time around....I've noticed hubby working like a dog and his old habit of snacking late at night while working come back a few times, here and there, on occassion. First, I noticed the cake box gone from the top of the fridge....he "confessed" that he had a bad night, and I just told him I noticed...and he immediately knew that he had to reign in the demon before it got out of control. Now add last night's Monday Night Football guys gathering with the cheese dip, wings and donuts....and the poor guy never stood a chance to get back in the saddle like he wanted to! He will though....all it takes is a few days of calm and he is right back into the swingof things - - well, that is what MY plan for him is....and because we share a brain, I know that it is his plan too.

My personal demons have reared their ugly head as well...except instead of eating - I am yelling and just a big ol' beeeotch to everyone I love (I don't think PMS helped the situation either - this month was a bad month in that respect). Me & hubby, who rarely argue or fight, had a great yell-fest that wound up being a good stress reliever for both of us....funny how that happened. But still....who likes yelling???? I sure as heck don't want to be like this all the time, so a conscious effort is being put forth on my part to make a decision and live by those decisions - whether or not people like them or not.....if they do not like them, well, then they can step up to the plate themselves and take on the role that I had chosen to take on. Note the word "chosen".....I did not say "thrust upon" even though it really is the way it is...when noone steps up, I fill in like a good little girl so that everyone is happy. Ha - you might be wondering what it is I am venting about.....what do you think? my one volunteer organization: Cub Scouts, of course! Making a conscious effort to just make a decision and live with any 'haters' that come with it is somewhat liberating. If they don't like it - then they can take over the next campout.

Anyway....those are the gremlins that are bouncing around our house lately.....I wish they would just leave. The good news is that I can see a light at the end of the tunnel - either Thursday...or Sunday is the rain-decision to go camping on Thurs...the other is the day we come home on Sun if we DO go camping in a slight drizzle.

This too shall the meantime, I am going to do my best to make the best of an annoying situation.

Now - onward and upward....going to get my walk in and then tackle the next thing on my list: to make a list of camping stuff!! What's the saying? "A boy scout is always prepared!"

Yeah.....whatever.... emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DWEXCEL 9/27/2011 7:12AM

    OMG....Did I write this blog???? LOL! What I love about it, is that you've already made the decision that you're leaving these demons behind. When I read this, it just let's me know that you are human too! Everybody has their obstacles, and you really know how to handle yours, and your husbands too. Sounds like he does too.
I had a cook out on the 17th, and then went to another one on the 24th, and ever since I let myself eat the goodies there, that's all I want. Trying to teach my brain, that it's time to turn that thought off, and get back on track.
You are such a good example!

Luv ya!
Donna emoticon

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OAKBORN 9/20/2011 12:43PM

    Hang in there girly girl!

You are one of the most amazing people I know... you rise above so much with your great attitude so often, sometimes the demons will come out to play. I so understand that!

I am so fighting my own gremlins lately... the ones that make we want to just ball up and wall off the rest of the world and slap out and say "leave me the &*@#*^% alone!" But the world goes on and my good little Camp Fire Girl is there still trying to fill in the holes and be miss cheerful and positive despite the fact the rest of me is long past done.

You are doing the right thing in doing what you can and not stressing on the rest! The demons may have their day today, but you'll wrassle'em back into their box until the next time they escape.

Pobody's Nerfect and you have friends!

(I had another dream that we met again... your husband is very nice, btw.)

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TASOGAREBAN 9/20/2011 10:42AM

    I don't think you have anything to worry about. Everyone has a time where the bad side rears its head. I went through a period like that not too long ago (early September) and even this morning I was a little bit pissy. But then I started to think about some shopping I'm doing this weekend in PA and my good mood slowly coming back. I told my coworker to shut up (which she really enjoys, I don't get it...), she laughed her butt off and I'm back to good, LOL. Weird how things are, huh?

Shrug it off, wipe it away and everything will fall right back into place. emoticon

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    Those gremlins do make life such a fiesta huh... and those haters can suck the fun out of anything. I like your outlook that if someone wants to be snippy or think their ideas are better let them take over the reigns a few times they will surely realize its not all about the fun and games some times and it can be actual work.
Hubs situation I can definintely relate to (the yelling part anyway lol) but ya'll sound very good together and sometimes it can be a good stress reliever just to lay it out so theres no buildup of harsh feelings.

You have a great outlook and situations are never permament so make the best of things and you will always come out ahead!


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STSCOTT11 9/20/2011 9:25AM

    YOUR RIGHT...we all do!
I understand COMPLETELY.
I have been "checking myself" more and more. Really trying to CONNECT with feelings MORE OFTEN...and not let them get too far ahead of me. Recognizing them...acknowleding them...
I am forgiving myself and trying harder to do better.
That's all we can do.
The more we don't hide or pretend and face up to them it only releases us from the strong hold.
Its great that you and your husband even are on the same page about CARING AS A COUPLE about health & fitness. WHAT A BLESSING! And you know...built into life are THOSE DAYS we are "off the wagon" and we have our little fall outs...but THANK GOODNESS for being on THE SAME WINNING TEAM! You get back in the saddle and you CONTINUE THIS WONDERFUL JOURNEY...TOGETHER!
Doesn't get any better THAN THAT! emoticon
Spark on! emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/20/2011 9:28:43 AM

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Walking update a day early - week 2

Monday, September 19, 2011

Yeah, it's a day early, but meh, does it matter?

Ooopsie, I didn't weigh myself today...I think it is 132 - got the that TMI? lol

But I DID try on the dress again...looser around the hips and after contorting like a contortionist in a side-show...I got the zipper zipped up again. That zipper really is a pain!

It's fun playing dressup like this every week! So much so that I tried on some dresses that I have in contention for my 20th reunion after Thanksgiving. A few I have worn before, so I already know what to look for in fitting better....and thank heavens they all fit -- and they fit better too!!! I don't know why I have this fear of things not fitting....must be the inner-fat-chick rearing her ugly head again....but she shut up pretty darned fast today! Let me tell you that!

I really don't know which dress I am going to use....or maybe I'll just go out and get a new one! All are very nice....a basic black sheath dress, an off the shoulder kimono-inspired sheath-type dress (that one needs a hem and this one I am not very confident in...yet), and a snug pencil skirt dress with a blousy A-symmetrical satin houndstooth top attached (that one needs a new belt).....decisions, decisions, decisions! So far, the simple black sheath is #1 on the legs are smokin' and it is just classy looking.

Anyway, back to the walking update!

I really have been stressed lately - and under the weather as well. I did NOT get all of the days of walking in like I wanted for a few reasons (here you go - confession time): I had to work and then go to various scout recruiting functions at the elementary schools...then there was work and a Knights of Columbus doowop dinner dance (I danced, so there was some cardio) and then there was the scout car wash on Sunday where, you guessed it - I washed cars for 2 hours! So it's not like I didn't get exercise in! LoL Just not what I planned to do!

Anyway - I felt pretty good today after finally getting a really good night's sleep - I didn't feel good enough to go walking outside any great distance, but rather I did a LS video and it felt really good to get back to it!! After doing a large variety of exercised the last few days, I could totally feel which muscles needed some attention, and which ones could have used more rest!

On a non-scale sort-of victory...I had a few people at work ask me if I was doing something I answered honestly and said I was doing Leslie Sansone and trying to walk outside more...yadda yadda yadda. So in turn, I asked them what they thought changed? Well, one sticks out in my head - she said I looked really toned! Ha! Imagine that! So I asked where did she see that? (Location on the planet, not my body) She said she saw me walking the other day and she noticed how toned I was....(flashback in my head going on: when and what was I wearing?? only 2 times walking and one was without sleeves - so there ya go!) Giving credit to LS on this one!!! I really haven't done any serious armwork until now with these videos! Too funny!!!! So see....they do work arms as well as the heart and legs!

Doing the arms with the video today was different as well....Felt more powerful in general, more in control of my whole body movements. Hmmm....empowered?? Yup, a little bit.

Now off I go to the rest of the day..."Supermom" is my hat today, lots to do to get things righted after a cookoo weekend.....later I get to put on "Scout leader" hat and do another school visit & then tomorrow I have to get ready for a Friday cub-scout family camping trip....praying for no rain!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DWEXCEL 9/20/2011 7:47AM

    Love it! You crack me up. Can't wait to see pictures of you in the dress. and I know you'll knock 'em dead at the reunion! I've been a little bit of a slacker these days, but will be pulling in on the reins here!

Have a great week!

Luv ya1

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NIKKIG125 9/19/2011 10:40PM

    You must be so proud of yourself!! I would love to be called "toned" someday!

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OAKBORN 9/19/2011 3:12PM

    I liked this blog, well of course I did!

Sounds like a fun but busy weekend! Yay you! You are the toned smokin' mama! emoticon

Keep up the walking and don't forget to take off the SuperMom cape from time and time and rest! emoticon

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FIORENZA 9/19/2011 2:58PM

    Never give up! Even slowly you'll reach you goal!

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