ANNIEONLI   45,464
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Angry

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

There is no other word.

Angry.

Just came back from getting my taxes done...seeing people I see every year...for the last 10 years. Yup - they knew me as heavy Annie, pregnant Annie several times, then heavy Annie once again.

One of them happens to be the sister of my best friend from junior high...I haven't talked to the past bf since I left for another high school, but I send my warm regards to her every year anyway. Another is a long time local that I have known for years, another local mom - I like her, she's cool. Another is my tax guy. I am ANGRY at 2 of the three I saw today.

and to give you a hint, I'm not angry at the local mom I like.

The old bf sister made a comment....an observation put into words more like it. "You look so skinny! you are wasting away!"

emoticon "Nope," I say, "Same as last year. Same weight, same shirt. Maybe it's the makeup. Healthy as a horse"

"Really? Your face looks thinner" says the woman, quite the stick herself. In fact, her sister was quite the stick as well, and from fb pics I get to see, is still the same, even after 4 kids.

emoticon I DEFEND myself again, but chuckle and smile and change the subject to her own family.

On to the next encounter - my accountant.
"Hey lady, you look like you lost weight!" he says.

emoticon (I'm already on the defensive now) "Nope, same as last year...maybe it's the loose top and these new skinny jeans and these new flats I'm wearing." (the pants which, btw, are a size 8, just so you Sparkers all know that I am NOT wasting away into nothingness)

"Aww, I don't know about that honey."
emoticon whatever that is supposed to mean. Again, I get to business and change the subject.

The mom I like, we've known each other a long time, are friends on fb...she just says I look good...sheeesh, she sees me in pics all the time, she would know if I were "WASTING AWAY."

WHICH brings me to another pet peeve about a comment that I had received a while back. I wrote it in my planner, because I'm not the type to come on here and complain about being 132 pounds at 5 foot 2 inches tall. (Truly the vision of wasting away, don't you think???) but this was more to the fact about the wording and phrasing of another long time aquantaince in my community. Here is the quote that has burned in my brain:

"You are STILL thin! I'm so glad."

STILL. That one word made me grit my teeth, say a very nice "yes, it's hard work, but I'm determined" and say goodbye and walk away SEETHING - even though I am fully aware that it was meant to be nice....oh and I am SO glad you are glad!! Eeesh.

STILL - think about it. "STILL"

"STILL" implies that you probably thought at some point that I would fail and gain my weight back. (Don't worry honey, I will STILL being using Spark and doing what I'm doing a year from now.)

"You are so thin" means that me being thinner has upset your version of me in your head. (You think you have it bad. Trust me....even I have a hard time wrapping my head around it....it depends on the day, sweetie.)

Normally - overweight people want that recognition of being thinner really really bad....especially when you are trying and trying very hard to lose the weight. I get it. I lived it. It's this aftermath that can get a little weird.....years later, on maintenance, when you are STILL trying to wrap your head around JUST STAYING this way....to not obsess, to not over think...to try and live "like a normal person"...that comments such as this tend to tick you off.

And don't tell me that it wouldn't.

It gives all the hard work you have done a more NEGATIVE spin.

It takes all the fitness, the good nutrition, the time, the effort....it just takes all that and minimizes it into something much less proud....not humbling, more (oh I can't even figure out the word!)...more debasing....degrading...whatever...

What is it that makes people comment so "negatively" - especially people (not your family) that you rarely see?

I have had comments from people over the last year, sure...all put in a nice way: "I'm so happy that you are maintaining the way you are...it's wonderful." or "Looking good kiddo, working hard I bet." or I will even take "Hey skinny!" I take them graciously, I say thank you, I even blush because that is what I do....and there is no need to be defensive when a comment is said in a certain way. I get it.

but sometimes.....oooo, it really fries my fritter.

Did you know that 9 times out of 10 - it's my HUSBAND who gets the compliments, not me.

Did you know that 85% of time - I see myself as waaay heavier than 132 and that battle is something that I have accepted and that I know for a fact that if one doesn't change ones self image, it can lead to disaster and another eating disorder?

Did you know that IF I WANTED to - I could drop another 10 pounds in the blink of an eye? How?? Because I know how to with nutrition and exercise. Am I going to?????? No way in hell. You read that right. Some people would KILL to be 122...nope...not me.

But WHY NOT? you may ask. Because for me: I don't want to. Again, I'm smart...I know things ("Godfather" Fredo reference right there - LoL). Anatomy and physiology of the body was the best class I ever took. I want to be able to maintain and LIVE a life that does not mean counting every calorie of every single day of my life. If I were 122 - that would be my life. I want to NOT exercise every single day to maintain this weight. I want to be active and NOT be a slave to the treadmill or the gym. Fit but not fried.

This is what I want when I am 40.....45....50...55.....and yes, 60 years old.

Next year....I will be wearing this very same outfit to get my taxes done.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ASUPERCOOLCHICK 3/21/2012 5:51PM

    this is a topic that burns me to no end. Usually I let the comments roll of my back but there are a few comments and comments from a few that can push the wrong button.

Last night was one from my mom, usually I dont let her comments bother me but after it was said and done I keep letting my mind take me back to it. She came over for dinner last night (we've been making hoops together) I had just finished eating when she got there and she asked if I was already done and I nodded and looked over to the plate I had by the sink and she looked at it and said "what did you eat, NOTHING?" the nothing was accented and emphasized. I told her there used to be a mound of pasta on the plate but now it was in mah belly.
I guess what ticks me off about it is that its completely opposite from what she used to say when I was a kid.

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NUOVAELLE 3/21/2012 2:55AM

    How rude can some people be!!! Check out these comments:
"Make sure you don't gain it back, ok?"
"Oh, you haven't gained any kilos yet, right?" YET? It hit the same chord in my brain like STILL did to yours!
"You'd better not lose any more weight, you just wouldn't look good, you know..." said with a frown of disgust on the face! - Did I mention I'm still in the "overweight section" of BMI? And she was looking at me as if she was looking at a skinny, sick, anorexic!!!
I can imagine how angry you feel. But rude people will always find something rude and hurtful to say. Look at the positive side - or at least try, I know how hard it can be! What they really do is commenting on your great success. Maybe they're not good at making comments, or they don't like your success or they're jealous. But, still, they're one more living proof that you belong to this small one-digit percentage of people who lost weight and have been able to maintain it! Doesn't that feel great?
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XRSIZE18 3/21/2012 2:41AM

    I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that your weight loss upsets people's vision of you. It's easy for people to feel threatened when other's lose weight because it really makes them reflect on their own lifestyles. Even if they are a "twig" I think everyone has a little bit of body unhappiness going on.
Just ignore the bad and focus on the good comments. :) You've put your hard work and sweat into this and somebody's snide comments can't ever undo that.

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DONNACFIT 3/20/2012 7:18PM

    Saw this cute idea on Pinterest..When you really want to slap someone, go ahead and then say mosquito..haha..wink wink

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another good one is ..some people need a high five, in the face, with a chair :)

There..doesn't that feel better..I hope you're laughing :)

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 3/20/2012 4:49PM

    Deep breaths...

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I don't know these people you describe, so I can't say whether they specifically have an agenda to belittle you.

But I can tell you that most people just aren't thinking when they open their mouths, and they don't know where you are at emotionally or mentally, and they're probably just saying something they think is a compliment, however clumsy.

It's all good. You're doing well. You've found where you want to be and you've figured out how to stay there. So it's OK to relax a little into that and care less what other people say. Because they aren't spending as much time thinking about what they're saying as you're thinking about what they're saying.

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This is a rough road we've been down and it's hard to hold the line, my comrade. I suggest that some of your anger may stem from the post-traumatic stress we all suffer from what we've been through and are still going through. Hang in there. It's all good.

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OAKBORN 3/20/2012 4:44PM

    Oh Annie!

I hear you. Take the compliments and ignore those who can't get themselves together and are jealous, I guess. Some people can't simply be happy for others. The comments are more about themselves than they are about you.

You are amazing. There! I have spoken

But as you said, the battle goes on. Maintenance is a daily struggle all of its own... and until you have walked a mile in that person's shoes... The people that make the backhanded compliments need someone else to make themselves feel better... they just don't know they are stepping on the shoulders of giants.

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DINGALLSTOO 3/20/2012 3:23PM

    Hey, I ran into a long time hospital employee the other day, and she says: didn't you used to work here?????? I've been in the same department (blood bank) for 34 years. Apparently she doesn't recognize me walking the halls for exercise during the winter. I have had people say:"you're still thin"...and I weigh 179 and I've been in this range for a year too. I hadn't been this small in 30 years, since Haddiego (another Daisy) was born. In my case I just shrug it off as trying to compliment, but falling short. emoticon

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doing another 5% challenge

Monday, March 12, 2012

So here I am....and this time, I really think that I can contribute to this new 5% Spring challenge...in mileage, that is. emoticon The winter one was HAAAARD! My basement was cold...sure, I walked outside a lot more, but nothing like the spring! Ahhhh Spring!!! emoticon

So, everyone in the challenge is supposed to post what they are going to do for the challenge...and why, I guess (confession here: I am NOT the best at challenges...maybe it's because of this semi-lone wolf/hermit thing I got going on at times)

So here is the plan - get ready.....it's SUPER original.

Does this look familiar???????

I'll give you a hint: it should.

I'll give you another hint: it's taken from the Sparkdiet....step 2 to be exact.

OK , OK....that wasn't really a hint, but it's what I do when I want to refocus and get back on track. If I could have a dollar for every time I used the above to get back on track....well, I'd be swimming in some serious dough after being on here for 4 years!

I will admit, I have been a tad "naughty" in my life lately - but at least I haven't had wine...or bacon (thank you Lent)...but I have had more baked treats than ever before....Nope, another lie here....My first Spark Christmas was pretty hairy - lots of baked goods and chocolate while trying to feel out Maintenanceville. Maybe I just FEEL like I've been naughty right now for no reason....nothing like the ease of beating oneself up, right???

So back to the 5% challenge "goals" for myself:
emoticon Bike to work more often than not.
emoticon Get out and walk a bit more too....outside...in the air....especially on the days I am off.
emoticon My stability ball.....totally needs to be dusted off, plopped in front of the TV and sat on during American Idol....maybe even some crunches will get done!
emoticon emoticon emoticon Go to bed earlier!!!! I've been staying up horribly late the last 2 to 3 months....why??? I hate my bedding. Yup, silly as that. I need a new comforter or something...and I need to change the position of my bed too....yeah, yeah, yeah - sounds silly, but I am a little silly sometimes when it comes to the position of my bed in a room. It's time for a change. emoticon
emoticon Get out into the garden and WEED when I think of it...especially when the kids are playing ball!! Maybe I will make them have to bug me to do it...then it will really get done!

OK....that's enough. I don't expect perfection with these "goals". Sorry that goals keeps getting quotes around it. I am not a big fan of the word "goals" just like I hate the word "diet" . Sometimes people overemphasize "goals" and then get all bummed and down when they don't reach them. I think I prefer "Generalized achievements that are symbiotic with my lifestyle" (my own new phrase that I just made up btw) is more to my taste....because really....my lifestyle changes...day to day sometimes. It's better to learn to roll with the punches and do our best to live a healthy & active life. No? Goals are very important to have, but they have to be realistic too....just sayin'.

Ahh...now for some coffee and a walk around outside to break up for the mid-day sleepiness that comes around about now.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINDABENEDICT 3/20/2012 10:39PM

    emoticon GO STARFISH!

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FULLOFFAITH 3/15/2012 10:42PM

    Good for you!!! Good luck !!!!

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Lisa

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DONNACFIT 3/12/2012 3:21PM

    Glad you're in the 5% challenge again, too :)

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BEATLETOT 3/12/2012 2:47PM

    Hooray!!! So excited to do another challenge with you!

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CPATRICK9 3/12/2012 2:32PM

    I think 5% goals are good. Keep it up and you'll get to where you want to be! emoticon

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My birthday bike!

Tuesday, March 06, 2012


This is my new bike!!
A cruising bike - perfect for camping and going to work!

All it needs is a big basket on the front adorned with a big colorful fake flower!!

This is one of those bikes that makes you emoticon like a fool when you ride it...and hum the Ms. Gultch bike theme song from the "Wizard of Oz."

Oh yeah...I'm a happy girl!

Spring cannot get here soon enough!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUZYWM 3/10/2012 11:56AM

    Hey Sweetie - congratulations! It looks like a great bike! I hope you have many happy hours on that seat. emoticon

Fun coincidence - I just picked up a nice used cruiser and am re-learning how to ride! I drift to the left and am working on better balance so I can become road worthy and not be a danger to myself or others!

Today is planting day in my back yard - flowers and carrot seeds and herbs to make it feel like spring. And - it's such a noble excuse for avoiding my homework!

Have a truly, really, wonderful weekend!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/10/2012 11:57:33 AM

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JUICENUT 3/6/2012 5:37PM

    It's great; I still have to get me one so I can keep up with my kids and take advantage of the hills and beautiful area in which I live. I just need one with a big comfy seat... or I won't be on it very long.
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NUOVAELLE 3/6/2012 8:26AM

    Just beautiful!!!
I hope you enjoy many spring rides... as soon as spring decides to visit!
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The day is what you make of it

Friday, March 02, 2012

A good day or a bad day...the choice is yours.

So...you didn't get to workout today like you planned. Is that going to ruin your life? Ummm...no, probably not.

Sooo.....you didn't get to eat all of your fiber that you planned today, and you had a portion of potato chips instead of the apple. Time to throw in the towel right? Nah....just a glitch...make a better choice at the next meal..remember that tomorrow is a new day.

Each and every day is new, with no mistakes in it. I think we forget about that at times - more so than not.

Our human tendency is to see what we DO NOT have...to envy what others have or have accomplished....to see our failures in a larger than life scope, when in reality...what mistakes are, are really just lessons that need to be learned.

Sometimes the universe will make us re-learn those lessons over and over again until we open our eyes and make it part of ourselves for the duration....and hopefully for the betterment of ourselves and those around us.

So make today an extraordinary day for yourselves. Take the time to be thankful for the life that you are living, in the place that you are now, and if it is NOT what you were planning...there is no reason that it cannot be altered over time...that part begins with you.

That is my birthday wish for you.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OAKBORN 3/2/2012 11:11PM

    As usual you rock the house and nail the truth to the wall for everyone to see!

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As usual... YOU RAWK!

And I hope you had a RAWKIN' birthday... complete with Wild Wednesday activities!
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It was probably a walrus!

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SPACEYSTACY 3/2/2012 9:48AM

    Wise words, so true!

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Disappointments

Friday, February 24, 2012

Hmmm.....where to start with this one without being negative.....I hate being negative, but sometimes, you have to just get it out in order to get the positive back. So here it goes.....

It seems that I will not be doing the 5K run that I have been planning to do since I heard about it last September. Yup....will not be able to do it. and it was a cool one too......a 5K on the airport down the road....the airport that I used to fly out of when I was getting my private pilot's license in college....the airport that I drool over as I drive past, especially past a particular stretch of road that I have driven since I was a little kid, that I drooled over even back then. I was even recruiting local mom's to do the run with me....a bunch of first timers too!

The race is not going to happen for me.

WHY???? you may ask?

Well, because on that very weekend, well it happens to be the ONLY weekend that our Cub Scout Pack can go camping!!! OF COURSE!!! And we HAVE to be there because we are the coordinators and the leaders trained for the whole thing.

Yeah....yeah....yeah....the greater good for the kids and all that jazz....I get it.

But it DOESN'T mean that I am not disappointed. emoticon

Oh wait....it gets better!

Next week is my birthday....on Friday. Niiiiice huh? A great day to have it right? I should be getting a sitter and partying up my 39th year! ...ummmmmm....nope

Again....Cub Scouts has reared it's ugly head. And I have known about it since last September, but still it is not easy to take without being disappointed. We HAVE TO go because my husband is taking over the Cubmaster role officially that night and he has to speak.....and I HAVE TO make the cake for the group graduating because I have done it for the past 3 years....and we HAVE to go because NO ONE else is going to go because this group is not liked very much at all and noone is going to go at all and that is just sad and pathetic.

So for my birthday night....I will be making a cake for others and spending it with people I do not necessarily enjoy all because I HAVE to.

When you HAVE TO do something sometimes......it really kills the joy. And I have been TRYING and TRYING my hardest to bring things into a positive light, but to no avail.

Thus, the reason for this blog. Most of the time it really helps to get things out there and I am hoping this is one of them.

Eeessshhh....I am hoping this works.

Breathe...breathe.....this too shall pass.

Breathe....breathe....breathe.....breath
e....breathe...think happy thoughts....bring out the good of each situaton instead of focusing on the annoying and negative.....breathe....breathe...breathe.
....

breathe.....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUZYWM 3/10/2012 11:45AM

    Such great suggestions! You are so positive on a regular basis - it's more than okay to vent here. I'm reading this late and hope you were able to get through it somewhat painlessly.

I love Oakshaven's thoughts on volunteering. This Cub Scouts thing has been rough for awhile. Doing for your beautiful sons is rewarding and important, but maybe you could scale back your involvement somehow? Even a small change might be a big help.

Hoping you created a great birthday celebration on another day. But even more, I hope you were able to celebrate and honor how fabulous you are!

I'm glad you're still "keepin' it real"!

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FULLOFFAITH 2/27/2012 12:23AM

    OMG!!!! We want that one day a year to be all about US!!!! I get it. Just had a Birthday on Saturday. The hubby was so nice and took me shopping but when you see my blog you will see why I was not in much of a mood to shop. I can tell from your Blog you are a excellent mom for hanging with the Cub Scouts on Your Day.

Hugs!!!!

Lisa

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DONNACFIT 2/26/2012 9:35AM

    It's times like this that I wish I could clone myself..like an old Flintstone tv show..haha

Happens all the time..plans change and you go on to plan B or Z or what ever...

The rest of the comments had great ideas like freeze the cake and celebrate your Birthday on the Saturday or something..and is the run at the airport happening again next year? Something to look forward too..

Hope you have a great week and it all turns out for you... emoticon

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OAKSHAVEN 2/24/2012 9:11PM

    I am also an incorrigible volunteer, and have had this sort of thing happen before as well. I find it helps to take a step back and remember why I chose to volunteer for this particular thing. If it is something I still think is worth my time, fine. I am disappointed, but it goes back to being something I have chosen to do. If it is something that has lost its shine for me, I pull myself away from it so it won't disappoint me again at some future time. Good luck with making that lemonade. I think StScott11 is right about that. Besides, what real choice do you have right now?

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OAKBORN 2/24/2012 6:42PM

    I hear ya! Sometimes when the "have-to's" block the "want-to's", all we can do is to suck it up and drive on.

Blessings to you! Can you find another 5k nearby to run on another weekend?

Lemons into lemonade!

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STSCOTT11 2/24/2012 11:11AM

    Sending HAPPY VIBES YOUR WAY. Haaaappy VIIIBES....
Let me be the first to say...HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
Sounds like there is room for COMPROMISE.
Sometimes we don't get to celebrate on the exact day of our
birth...but you could designate a day of CELEBRATION and do WHATEVER your heart desires.
Another idea, why not bake in advance so your slaving over the oven...bake it and freeze it.
And what about doing a 5k run on that lovely road with a special friend/husband/family member on another day?
I think you could probably make some lovely lemonade out of the lemons your being given. I know it is not what you want...but I hope you will find a way to feel better about it.

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