Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Every time I hear "ugh, this just isn't going to work." well, frankly, it drives me nuts.
Why not?? Why won't it work? Who says???
I get the whole "I don't wanna be here - this (insert occassion - like a birthday party you'd rather skip) is going to stink"...I admittingly have been the Queen of the party poopers on MANY occassions!
But seriously, when it comes to trying or thinking something new, I can be really upbeat and positive and JAZZED about it!!! and then...other people's negative garbage starts in and I become really annoyed that they burst my positive bubble, especially with those that play "Devil's Advocate" You know what? Go screw. Leave me alone...leave my positive energy alone because I am tired of being beaten down and having my voice and ideas belittled. There - I said it.
And then....it makes ME negative and grumpy....and sometimes, it is hard to fight against and then I reaaally get in the dumps.
Yup - it's totally someone else's fault.
Nope...not my fault. THEY made me negative.
Fighting a negative is a really hard thing to do. Staying UPBEAT is a battle in and of itself sometimes, especially when others around you are in a constant black hole because of their own issues and you are there dealing and forcing your mouth to stay shut so you don't make more of an issue at hand (the whole mountain out of a molehill expression comes to mind)...because what would a fight about this little thing do?
Well...there is a difference between shutting up & putting up and taking back respect from an individual that is unintentionally bringing you down by actually speaking up....it's just a matter of picking your battles, in many cases.
So that being said....this little bit of blog therapy is done for me....I am determined to remain positive and smiling as much as I can...as I always do, because let's face it....life is too short and this too shall pass. Who knows, maybe a time will come to actually say something without losing my cool and without making a mountain out of a molehill.
Hmmm....maybe I'm being uber-super-sensitive...there is a full moon coming down the pike for Monday! oooOOOEEEEooooooo!!!
Monday, May 21, 2012
A flash in the pan.
A wrinkle in time.
This too shall pass.
Can't say that I'm all that happy with being in the top portion of my range...so I actually vocalized it on Saturday to my husband.
Quick backstory: I listen to him talk about everything weightloss related since he is on maintenance too...and is going through his own exercise slump...and he's doing great....but for some reason, whenever I mention my own weightloss world, he turns the conversation to him...and then I just shut up and let him talk....mainly because I guess he needs to talk about it more than me, and that is OK....but....
On Saturday, in front of my closet...picking out clothes for work....he walked in and I just said this: "I'm not in a good place right now - I haven't seen that number on the scale in god-knows-when - I'm being more active than ever, and yet I feel ginormous. So please don't talk to me about where you are at right now, I just do not want to hear it."
And that was that. I went back to my closet and picked out oh-so-flaterring white scrub pants and a t-shirt to go under my scrub jacket. Loose fitting nonsense clothes...I'd figure out the rest later in the afternoon.
Here's the kicker....it's not like nothing fits. Hardly the case. Things fit, just not the way I am used to them fitting in the last 2 weeks. They are a oh so slightly snug - which means I'd better get focused on getting back control. and let's face it, mostly...I'm mental. I'm thinking it is really wors than it is, when really, it really is nothing that a few days of rigorous nutrition and exercise tracking can't handle....but SOMEtimes...it just gets so damn tiring to keep going on and on like this, day after day after day.
But then again....that's life...right? right.
So I logged everything, as usual, that morning after toast, and he came up to me and kissed me - looked me dead in the eye and said "Don't get discouraged, you are doing great, it's just a little blip." Another kiss and a hug and I was off to work.
It was nice to be heard (beside here on Spark - LoL) - It's hard keeping things on an even keel sometimes when all you want to do is scream "ENOUGH already!!!!" and that can go for ANYthing in life. Sometimes....it is just nice to be heard.
Anyway...just giving you a peak into my head right now. Honestly today is a strange "I don't feel like eating" day - these are rare in my world....usually I am eating every 2 or 3 hours! Maybe it's my body giving my brain a rest from thinking about food all the time. What a nice gift! Thank you body! LoL
Hope everyone is having a great Monday!
Friday, May 18, 2012
Ahh.....the scale has been doing that so much this week....and if I were in any other place other than Maintenance, I'd be upset....but this is what Maintenance is.....you get a range of 5 pounds and that is your goal - to stay in that range.
I will not lie though....when I read 134.4 on the scale today, I was less than pleased, but then I contracted my abs and loved my sore upper body and I knew that this is part of the game. Working out, leads to some fluid retention when one's body is healing itself...and that next week, The Scale might/will say something different.
I also have to remember that I mowed the lawn in an hour yesterday - a lawn that in the past has taken me 90 minutes to cut!!! So BOOYAAH!! More healing going on....and I am getting a tush where the was none before....so there IS some muscle building going on as well....I think.
So anyway, I have this bridesmaid dress that I wore last year for my sister's wedding...and May 7th was their 1 year anniversary, so I tried it on - and it was more snug than I liked, and I was at 132 that day. For fun, I tried it on today and it zipped up even better than on the 7th.
Why am I telling you this, part of it is for me to now wig-out about being in my higher range (please, you think I am all calm?? LOL - NOT!) and part of it is to focus on our NON-scale victories.
That dress....is a non-scale victory guage of mine. Next year, I will still fit in it. Vowed that a year ago, and here I am...still fitting in it.
Little things like this are what matter....if you have been struggling, and not going anywhere on that scale, well, take a step back and look at what you ARE doing and what other progress you have made:
- maybe you couldn't walk for 20 minutes straight at a 2.5 mph - 3 weeks ago, and now you can!
- maybe you couldn't run for a minute straight - and now you are up to 3 minutes of running!
- maybe you were binge eating - and now you are making progress on cutting back!
Understand that this takes time...and patience really is a virtue when changing your lifestyle. Patience to be kind to yourself when you are in the middle of beating your self-esteem to a pulp. Patience to think and rethink choices over, over and over again....and knowing that one day, all of your patience will have not been for naught.
Tuesday, May 08, 2012
I laugh sometimes at my new found "low expectations"...and maybe it's why I continually surprise myself. I just don't expect too much anymore...and you know what? I don't think it's really a bad thing.
Let's get a back story of me and my HIGH expectations. I'm a Pisces - a dreamer, a daydreamer, a believer in all that is good and pure - magical even! If you have a definition of Pisces - well...I am it. I have grown up with this belief that there is good in every single person and situation - even when there is absolutely no hope at all - yeah, yeah, yeah - trust me, I know now that it's a fairy-story and I have been burned, crushed, beaten, diappointed, etc. etc...over and over again....so much so that I have learned to curb the higher expectations and lower them down a bit....life isn't all sunshine and roses....I get that. Trust me, I get it. I can daydream up any fancy scenario you want for anysituation...and guess what? it never really comes out the way I plan! LoL So, therefore, you can see how I had to change my expectations a little bit.
Sooooo....I have lowered my expectations a bit. I'm happier because of it. Here's some examples:
I love doing things more spontaneous - can't daydream about something if you just do it, right? no expectations to live up to.
I don't (never have & never will) post the rock-hard ab pictures on my wall as a motivator because....you know what??? I'd just get depressed looking at it - whatever I do is WAY better than what I wasn't doing at all before. Get it??? I get it - I'm NEVER going to maintain that kind of committment of training as a mom of 3. Sure, there are people out there who can do that, but I'm also a realist - that person is NOT me.
I like my concept of "Maintainability" - basically defined as as life that I can live and be happy with, without killing myself at the gym and still have a glass of wine and a chip when I want to...without guilt, because the next day, I will go back to doing my maintainable routine I have grown to love, honor, and cherish up until this point in time.
When I get to workout and sweat - it is ALL good. It's NOT consistent...because it is LIFE! Depending on the month, I can go hog wild and be steady, and then there are the nutty/crazy months, where all I want is to sit and be still....because in some way, shape, or form....my workout consisted of running around like a loon prepping this or that or whatknot for some function or other. I might not have "worked out" per se, but in reality - I never sat down either! Active....is good. Active still burns calories!
Quick story: today, I had my workout gear on with the BEST intentions of getting some sort of walk in - my legs are still sore from Sunday's impromptu/spontaneous run I got in during my son's lacross game - so I figured, why not stretch them out at the very least (note my low expectation). Hey, sometimes I put on my gear & never get on the treadmill - depending on what pops up...I used to have these high expections and all...and got bummed pretty good too when I didn't get to workout.(See? high expectation bummer = not good)
So I noted on the kid's school calendar that they were doing a "Mileage Walk" to kick off Healthy Habits month...walk around the field as many times as you can in a half hour & they tally up the miles. Cute idea. And I had no intention of going if it were raining. In fact, I didn't even tell the kids about it...because then, if we didn't, then THEY would be bummed. So after the lunches were packed, the backpacks ready, the kids' showered, fed, and dressed...and even I was fed at this point...and it was time to go to the busstop...and it wasn't raining either...well.....I just drove right past the busstop and went right to the field with the kids! All of them were: "Mom???? What are we doing?" and then I explained to them the Mileage Walk and they were all excited to do it! YAY!!!
There, we saw a bunch of kids they knew, mom's I knew...and being I was in workout gear with a hat on my head - noone knew it was me until the last second! LoL (that was pretty funny) And so we started the walk....I had no intention of running, and then....I did. I ran to catch up with this kid...and then that kid...and then this one and that one again....and before I knew it, 20 minutes and 2 miles flew by in the blink of an eye! No joke!!
It was the coolest thing too. I was a bit in schock when I asked the gym teacher how long we were there doing this and he said "20 minutes" ... my kids all logged over a mile and a half - my oldest ran a bunch and almost made 3 miles himself!! Everyone was smiling and glowing too..and they felt great being apart of something they didn't think about doing!
My low expection became a grin on my face...Anything sometimes is better than nothing....and all of those little "anythings" grow into bigger "somethings".
I don't think I will ever claim myself to be a "runner" - I am timid at best because I don't want to get hurt....but I will say that I am a "tryer" - moreso than I ever was in my life.
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