ANNIEONLI   49,608
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Sometimes it's all in your head

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Whenever I get down about things, I get little reminders at how it was..and how it could have been if I didn't get things under control when I did.

For example, when we went to Boston to visit my sister on, seriously, the hottest day of the entire year, we walked to the park around the corner and basically had to go up the biggest darned hill I have ever climbed since my youngest was barely walking. I remember that time because I was very heavy and could barely make it up that hill. So on this hill, as I climbed with very little trouble, I gave a bit of thanks to myself for getting help...and healthy...when I did.

But when you are all sweaty and wearing jean also get puffy...and bloated because of beer and chips...and I was starting to feel a bit down again when the boys left to go to another park when my sis said to me, "let's change into something cooler" and all I had brought with me were some cotton shorts (which I wound up wearing)....but she tossed me a pair of shorts she wore in college...and they fit me.

I did a happy dance inside on that one. #1 because they fit, #2 because I wasn't self conscious standing in my underwear in front of my sister (yup, self-imposed comfort zone issue rearing their ugly heads again) and #3 my mind always makes me bigger than I really am...and sometimes it's hard to judge yourself.

So after Boston, me & hubby got back on track and took off the beer bloat, but the humidity bloat is still hanging on like the dickens! I hate humidity!

We just went out last weekend to the outdoor mall here - big brand name stores that we rarely, if ever go into....mainly because of prices but also because of size. We - the both of us at one time - were big...WAY bigger than we are now. Well, now we get a kick out of going into these trendy stores to browse around and laugh that while we can fit into the clothes, we still aren't going to buy them ($250 jeans??? really?). I tried on a particular named brand jacket in a small and fairly fell over in shock. Really???? really? really. I could have sworn my arms were 3 times as big as that.

I have to constantly remind myself that things could be very different now if I didn't do something 4+ years ago. I have to constantly remind myself that the scale numbers are not 153 or 163 when I read 135 or 136.

Sometimes I wonder if my head would have been different if I knew what other gilrs weighed back when I was in junior high and high school.....maybe I would have not felt so down about myself if I had a reflected view of how I really looked and what 135 or 140 or 145 was among my peers....which, when you see pics, really wasn't that bad. I weighed in the upper 140s in highschool - horrible, right? yes, horrible when you think you are way bigger in your head and eat to console yourself....thus making it true and a reality in a few years.

Anyway....that's what I was thinking about lately...

Glad I found Spark .... glad I have a support system now....glad to be able to be heard and vent and get a reality check when I need to.

Stay cool everyone!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BAHAMIANJENNI 8/10/2012 11:59AM

    LOVING this blog, thank you for sharing!!

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STSCOTT11 8/10/2012 10:09AM

    GLAD you found SPARK and have made it work over all this time. GOOD WORK.

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SUGARSMOM2 7/23/2012 12:43PM

  yes it is all how you view it. look at it from many angles and it will look different from every one of them . emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DWEXCEL 7/23/2012 7:16AM

    Good Morning Sunshine!

I'm glad you found Spark too! You've always been there for me and I have really enjoyed our friendship! It sure does make you feel better when you can wear that smaller size, for sure! I'm sure ya'll really had fun in that store....LOL.....I know what you mean about the prices!

One of my favorite "shopping" places these days is consignment stores. I discovered them in Florida, and have continued my adventures here as well. Wednesday I went shopping to my fav down the street. I bought $50 worth of clothes, that still had tags on most of them for a total of 9 items! The one pair of jean capri's would have cost well over $50 in a regular store. And they all fit!!!!!!!! So I'm feeling pretty good myself!

I know what you mean about this humidity Bloat......and it looks like it's going to be lingering around for a while longer. I'm up just a little on the scale, but I will be working hard this week to keep it under the 145 mark for the month of July! I'm blaming it on the humidity, but in reality I've had a little more ice cream, and a couple of burgers and fries....well fries once! But I know what I have to do, and how to do it....thanks to you, and Sparkpeople!

Love ya!
Donna emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/23/2012 7:16:48 AM

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NINJA_SMOO 7/19/2012 11:29AM

  The small jacket and your sister's shorts would have made me so excited! You're doing great :)

Thinking about highschool - I did know how much my friends weighed and though that because I weighed 20-30lbs more than them I was huge and gross - never taking into consideration that I was 5" or so taller than them. At 5'5", 95lbs is not good, but at 5'0" it's fine. At 16 or 17 I just could not wrap my head around that. Looking back at pictures of myself from then... I can't believe I thought I was fat! I'd do all sorts of terrible things (except, apparently exercise consistently... sigh) to be that little again.

Using your peers' weights for comparison only works if you're similar in height.

I get where you're at with the mind-body/weight disconnect. I think it's pretty common.

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GOLOPTIOUS 7/19/2012 10:54AM

    You sound like you're doing so well!

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MONTREAL12 7/19/2012 8:52AM

  We're glad to have you with us! Have a great day!

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It's the little things.

Sunday, July 08, 2012

So my last blog was me trying not to flip out about me being out of my maintenance range. (Yup - that was a flip-out blog....see how evolved I have become? LOL)

Well, as per my usual, getting back on track was easy enough...don't get me wrong, it was filled with dontwanna's and whaaaa-I-really-could-go-for-thats....but I just wanted everyone to know HOW I get back on track....geez....I talk about it enough, but I don't think I ever explained HOW.

So here it goes:
1 - drink that water. Like a fish. No excuses.

2 - get rid of the alcohol (for the time being - wean back on that until a special occassion - like my anniversary coming up - I can wait until then to imbibe a bit)

3 - cut the cheese. emoticon Pardon me! But all joking cheese REALLY necessary on my ham sandwich? No....not really, there, fat and calories cut in a second.

4 - bump up the freggies - yup, all of mine a cut up and ready to eat in the fridge for the WHOLE FAMILY to enjoy together before they rot away and we lose money because we didn't eat them.

5 - refrain from my chips (oh...and some of you know how much I lovem my chips now!) emoticon See all that fruit in the fridge? Eat that instead! (but I will admit, a sneak of a chip or two does occur off of my kid's plate...hey, I'm human!)

6 - make better choices at meals overall - this includes family get togethers...and yes, we had 2 since I got back to re-Sparking, and there were better choices to make, so I made them...(ie, choosing the turkeyburger instead of the big bad bacon-cheddar burger from the butcher saved me 400+ calories that meal alone) and also, bring your own stuff to the party - fresh blean bean corn salsa for example...or fruit salad...or a new salad of your own making....and then mix it up and do it for your own family at home, why wait for a party!?!?!

7 - Track your nutrition!!!!!!!!!
- - -Measure a few things here and there too - to relearn what a cup and half cup look like...and weigh a few pieces of meat to really see what 3 ounces of chicken or steak looks will be shocked at how big a portion really is!

8 - and of course....get moving!!! and track that fitness!!!
- - - Since I last tracked exercise, Spark revamped the fitness tracker and I LOVE IT!!! I always thought the calorie burn from strength training alone was something that was missing and I guess someone at the SparkOffice figured that out too....probably from Spark people suggesting it! (We are a pretty smart bunch, after all!)

So this is what I've been up to since the 3rd of July (yes, the 3rd...why wait until after the 4th like everyone else? I made better choices on the 4th because of this mindset.

And it IS a mindset. Like Nike says, "Just do it."

So do it....and remember it's the little things that add up over time....that and a truck load of patience.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FULLOFFAITH 7/9/2012 11:27PM

    OMG!!! You always know what I need to hear. So I am attempting to get back on track with my exercise, Food & Water. Thanks for sharing how you get back on track. I can use this as a great way to help me stay focused.


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LADYOLIVER 7/9/2012 9:58PM

    Oh how I needed this......I know I need to get back to eliminating certain things AGAIN from my diet....being I am not at my goal weight. Why do I think I have play time. UGH emoticon

Thanks Annie

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DWEXCEL 7/9/2012 8:28AM

    Yes, you are so right!

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THETROUT 7/8/2012 8:18AM

    Thanks for the encouragement. Congrads on your success so far.

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Up, up...and AWAY!

Wednesday, July 04, 2012

That's what I thought after I stepped on the scale today and saw 136....a number I haven't seen in a while. And It probably is more than that, since vacation calories tend to sneak on a few lag days behind after you actually stop the eating and are already back on track.
emoticon sigh
Well, no use crying over eaten calories from the past....did you have fun while eating them??? Yup, I sure did because I was with visiting family and camping the whole time I was eating them....well, actually, drinking most of them. Was the extra drinking calories worth it??? Ummmm, I really don't think so now that I look back on it. A casual hard cider here and there are 200 cals a piece...and I barely got a buzz, so guess what? I think it's time to go back to good old water when camping.

But now June is over and July is here and we are home with family things to do for a full month before our next big camping trip....lots of little projects to tackle, piano lessons to give, books to read, treadmills to walk on, weeds to pull, and kids to get moving every day so they don't get rusty over the summer. I'm sure socializing is going to creep in, but I'm planning on being in control of those calories consumed a little bit better than I was in June!

Good plan huh??? I stink at making plans, so let's see if this plan actually goes the way I want it to. LoL

But you know what? (as I pull your ear closer to the monitor and whisper into your eyes) I think this time it is going to work. SHHH!! Don't tell anyone!

Why do I think this? Weeellll......because 3 years ago, I was doing the same thing - in the same spot mentally to: maintaining 150 at the time (well, 146-150 is more like it) and we had a hoot & hollerin' good old time from June to July....and we went away to Foxwoods Casino in CT for our 10 year wedding anniversary and I came back and was 153. AND I FLIPPED!!!!! O. M. G. What did I do???? I ruined everything?!?!!! I'm 190 pounds again! I can't believe I let myself go! I'm a loser! Yadda yadda yadda......and then, after all the mental self-flagellation was over, I started tracking again, and moving again, and Sparking again...aaaaand I lost another 10 pounds.

The moral of the story: Get a grip!!!

Sure, just because you gain a few back does NOT mean it is the end of the world. It means that you just have to take control back, be more aware, make better choices, and forgive yourself of your past, um, indiscretions. emoticon

So, even though the scale went up and will all go away again....all in due time.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DWEXCEL 7/9/2012 8:33AM

    I just love your Blogs! It's almost like I feel like we are having a real conversation. You really know how to say the things that most of us feel, and you say it "just like I would say it"

Talk to ya soon!

Love ya!

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RUNNER12COM 7/4/2012 10:06PM

    Work your plan!

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OAKBORN 7/4/2012 10:20AM

    You know I know you know! (Did that make sense?) (It did in MY head... hopefully it does in YOURS too!)

Hope you and your guys are having a good 4th! emoticon emoticon

You express it so well, as usual... been battling getting back on track myself... the last 3 days, well, um, let's not talk about those... ahem.. emoticon

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NUOVAELLE 7/4/2012 8:23AM

    It sounds like a good plan to me. And as you said it's highly likely to work because simply... it's worked before!
I believe you'll do great because you've found the magic combination of healthy lifestyle and the joys of living. You're just here to teach everyone else and show us the way. And thank you for that!

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GHOSTFLAMES 7/4/2012 7:22AM


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NANAW12001 7/4/2012 7:18AM

  Very well written.

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Another thing to omit out of my diet for now

Monday, June 04, 2012

I have a running list of things that make me feel like crap...things that I LOOOOVE (or loved)'s a list that has taken years to compile with knowing what foods make me feel good and what make me feel sick (literally in some cases). It took me about 5 years to figure this out...and maybe it's something to write here because will make others rethink about how their food choices are making them feel.

Here we go - starting at the very worst "make me feel real sick" food to the lesser ones:
emoticon Ice cream (this landed me in the hospital with a cloged bile duct...and no I am NOT lactose intolerant and I used to eat it all the time)
emoticon Cheesecake (such a bummer when I discovered this one)
emoticon Chocolate in large amounts
emoticon emoticon emoticon Baked goods - certain ones with icing..let's say ICING as more of the culprit here...forget butter cream!
emoticon well, not really shrimp...but LOBSTER!!! I used to love lobster dripping in butter...maybe it was the butter, but I can't have one without the it's on my "eat at your own risk" list now.
emoticon Steak at a fancy thank you.
emoticon Pancakes with syrup...there better be a bathroom that TMI??? Same with hubby....weird.

So now to the latest thing - Kielbasa!! Hot Dogs! and certain sausages! we have these things once a's an easy thing to get and throw on the grill....the kids eat them too....BUT it makes my legs feel funny (I think) and I think it's all the nitrates and salt in the products. Too strange of a coincidence to not try and lay off of them for a while to see if the legs feel better. I've noticed it before, but never really put the 2 together until the last 2 weekends.

So now, I am vitamined and hydrating....laying off the salt, and the caffeine a bit too (gotta have my morning coffee still) and reassessing the weekly menu to get rid of our "easy meal" of kielbasa and pierogies...and steering clear of the hotdogs at the next few scout functions and family BBQs.

Between that and moving my legs should be feeling right as rain in a few days and if not in 2 weeks time, I will go get it checked out with the doc. (why 2 weeks?? it is something my grandmother used to say...and most of the time, she was right - most things, if minor, resolve themselves in 2 it's just something I do now) 2 weeks is also how long it takes for my body to come back to normal after a weekend of excessive eating/ detox period, so to speak.

So that is that...maybe it will get you thinking about your own foods and how they affect you!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THETROUT 7/27/2012 9:25PM

    Yes, I'm catching on. Processed foods in large quantities make me tired. I mean most of a meal needs to be straight. One or two things are ok, but that's it.

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SUZYWM 6/6/2012 10:07PM

    This makes so much sense! I've been trying to pay attention, because I feel like crap when I eat sweets. Achy, completely fatigued, puffy as all get out. But I just reach for it once in awhile anyway, just to make sure (ha!).

Hoping eating better just makes you feel great!

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ANNIEONLI 6/5/2012 7:15AM

    Hey guys..totally not a gllabladder problem..because I got rid of it iin 1998! LoL It's just the way I digest things...whatever you name it, it's not goin to change anything! ROFL I'm better off because now I don't consume the high calorie things. I also sound hypoglycemic if you read articles/desriptions about that as well. Meh...just what ya gotta do to live a healthy life and not feel like garbage!

ON an UP UP UP note: I get to go food shopping today!!!!!!! WOOHOO!! So excited! This place is SO lacking in everything I can eat and not worry about feeling icky! Can't wait!!!

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DWEXCEL 6/5/2012 6:28AM

    I agree with Oakborn, here. The first thing I thought was a high FAT content. Just be careful, still go to the Dr. Could even be a gallblader problem.

Take care,

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OAKSHAVEN 6/4/2012 7:32PM

    Garlic does it to me every time. I have no intention of giving it up, but I do make sure I have no plans that would take me far from a bathroom when I indulge.

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OAKBORN 6/4/2012 7:02PM

    Hey girl, I am seeing perhaps a sensitivity to fats and carbs, especially ones high in simple sugars?

My mother in law and daughter both have dumping syndrome... if they eat too much sugary stuff, they both get the green apple two step. Basically the sugar hits their small intestines and draws in lots of water as it tries to seek balance and then O-U-T it G-O-E-S... ooooppppsss.

Sorry you have to avoid so much of the fun stuff, but good that you are paying attention to your diet and figuring out what works for you.

Hugs from MO! emoticon

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KRISLEEB 6/4/2012 3:46PM

    That totally sucks about the ice cream. And I couldn't agree more on the lobster & frosting. Although, I had some lobster mixed with pasta & low fat mayo and it was pretty tasty. Course, not eating lobster & steak will help out the old pocket book!!!

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 6/4/2012 2:40PM

    good for you for listening to your body. But dang, some of those are my faves!!!

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BEATLETOT 6/4/2012 10:54AM

    Hmm, interesting. I've always prided myself on a stomach of steel, especially when I went to Peru for the first time, and my MIL and boyfriend (at the time) kept saying I shouldn't eat certain things or do certain things because they'd make me sick. I'd eat or do them anyway, and my husband was the one feeling ill!

I'm sure if I were more in-tune with my body, I would notice that certain things (and not just "in excess") don't make me feel well.

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Negative people stink

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Every time I hear "ugh, this just isn't going to work." well, frankly, it drives me nuts.

Why not?? Why won't it work? Who says???

I get the whole "I don't wanna be here - this (insert occassion - like a birthday party you'd rather skip) is going to stink"...I admittingly have been the Queen of the party poopers on MANY occassions!

But seriously, when it comes to trying or thinking something new, I can be really upbeat and positive and JAZZED about it!!! and then...other people's negative garbage starts in and I become really annoyed that they burst my positive bubble, especially with those that play "Devil's Advocate" emoticon You know what? Go screw. Leave me alone...leave my positive energy alone because I am tired of being beaten down and having my voice and ideas belittled. There - I said it.

And makes ME negative and grumpy....and sometimes, it is hard to fight against and then I reaaally get in the dumps.

Yup - it's totally someone else's fault.

Nope...not my fault. THEY made me negative.

Fighting a negative is a really hard thing to do. Staying UPBEAT is a battle in and of itself sometimes, especially when others around you are in a constant black hole because of their own issues and you are there dealing and forcing your mouth to stay shut so you don't make more of an issue at hand (the whole mountain out of a molehill expression comes to mind)...because what would a fight about this little thing do?

Well...there is a difference between shutting up & putting up and taking back respect from an individual that is unintentionally bringing you down by actually speaking's just a matter of picking your battles, in many cases.

So that being said....this little bit of blog therapy is done for me....I am determined to remain positive and smiling as much as I I always do, because let's face is too short and this too shall pass. Who knows, maybe a time will come to actually say something without losing my cool and without making a mountain out of a molehill.

Hmmm....maybe I'm being uber-super-sensitive...there is a full moon coming down the pike for Monday! oooOOOEEEEooooooo!!! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

02SERENE 6/5/2012 3:01AM

    Your blog about negativity explains a lot about negative people.

I think it is from some negative people in my life that I picked up negative self talk and now it is a battle to create a new way of "positive self talk".

You neglected to mention the naysayers that appear out of nowhere when they are jealous of success, and find ways to "belittle" when they see a "Change has occurred". I can really relate to your writing in this blog.

I myself am writing in my blogs in a roundabout way dealing with this same issue. Feel free to visit my sparkpage sometime, to see.

I am only starting with making itsy bitsy changes so I can stay consistent. You sound like you are on the right track. And your past success can attest that you have made changes that lead to success. Yay!!! Pat yourself on the back for that.

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ANNIEONLI 5/31/2012 6:52AM

    Thanks for that book reccommendation Donna - I am going to check it out....honestly it sounds like how I DO live most of the time, except that during some parts of the month, that it happens to clash directly with other things all at once (because of COURSE everything goes on at the same time, why would it ever be spread out nicey nice so we could actually enjoy each thing?!?! LoL) That is when I seem overly sensitive & super annoyed with those negative people!!! Does that even make any sense?!?!? ROFL

I just read my horrorscope for the said to pick my battles because not everything is worth getting upset over. So Pisces!!! LoL

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DWEXCEL 5/31/2012 6:39AM

    Whew!!!! I know you feel better, just getting that out of your system. I know exactly what you are saying. This too, is something I struggle with, and I constantly deal with it by, avoidance, and not having any confrontation, and keeping it all inside. That's not working too well for me.

I am reading this wonderful book called "Crucial Conversations", and one thing I have learned is that we do blame other people, when it fact, it is how we choose to interpret, or hear what they say to us. It really comes down to our choice. So we have to say, No, I choose to not let that get to me or bother me. It's hard to do, especially, after 53 years of letting it eat me up, but, when I think about it, I think I will be able to say, (even if its to myself), No I'm not going to let you get to me or bring me down.

You're such an upbeat, positive person! But you are human, and we all go through this sometimes. Hope this helps.

Love to you, my Sista!

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