Sunday, September 09, 2012
If I had to list how many changes have been going on and are going to be in the future, your head might spin! And most of these things are GOOD things too...but stressful nonetheless.
All of these changes have been weighing on my mind too - these last 2 months - and I really have not been sleeping well and I can actually FEEL stress eminating from my pores at times. I can also report that old habits from years ago have peeked their head out...the stress eating, the "I don't care I need a break from dieting anyway" thoughts (yes! the dreaded word "DIET" popped into my brain! I NEVER use that word! EEK!), even the "I'll start eating better tomorrow" and "I can work these calories off later" thoughts emerged and I people who know me on here, KNOW that I don't think like that...well, not anymore....before Spark, well yes, those prior quotes would flit though my mind every . single . day.
So now I am here once again, to give this update and even confess that - yes, indeed - those thoughts can come back, even though you thought they were long gone. THAT is scary. THAT is my nightmare. (Cue scary nightmare music)
I am here to also say that the last 2 months have been WICKED struggling months for me on the scale. Yeah, yeah, yeah - the scale is just a number, blah blah blah....but here is the deal - when your clothes start feeling snug and you are NOT pumping iron and doing an hour of cardio a day....um, "HELLOOOOOO - IS THIS THING ON?!?!" the number on the scale MEANS something again.
So....what does one do?
One fights back.
Begins at the beginning again with what you know works.
Just do it.
Talk it out.
That last one is for me to remind myself to get on here and blog again. Part of my problem is that I feel that I am NOT heard...and that after a while, I feel that no one cares that I need to vent things too. There is also a part of me that, since I have been successful at weightloss & maintenance, is that people will read something I am venting about and just not care...and that kinda hurts to think that way, but I am a sensitive glutton for punishment and my own brain and thoughts are sometimes my worst enemy, and that is why I gained weight in the first place and if I don't vent, I will just revert back to that person I was before. (Insert another nightmare music clip here)
Yeah...my brain thinks like this when I am stressed out....and even though the rational side of my brain is telling me that Spark and Sparkfriends are there for you no matter what...there is that scared little girl who is lost and doesn't know how to speak up when things get tough. (btw- I just started crying when I typed that line...so I know that it's so true and had to be vented).
Well, that's all I'm up to writing about right now....It's not like I gained 10 pounds back, but being out of my range by 2 and being stuck with too much salt in my system along with my t.o.m. isn't helping with my morale...although I know "this too shall pass".
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Whenever I get down about things, I get little reminders at how it was..and how it could have been if I didn't get things under control when I did.
For example, when we went to Boston to visit my sister on, seriously, the hottest day of the entire year, we walked to the park around the corner and basically had to go up the biggest darned hill I have ever climbed since my youngest was barely walking. I remember that time because I was very heavy and could barely make it up that hill. So on this hill, as I climbed with very little trouble, I gave a bit of thanks to myself for getting help...and healthy...when I did.
But when you are all sweaty and wearing jean shorts...you also get puffy...and bloated because of beer and chips...and I was starting to feel a bit down again when the boys left to go to another park when my sis said to me, "let's change into something cooler" and all I had brought with me were some cotton shorts (which I wound up wearing)....but she tossed me a pair of shorts she wore in college...and they fit me.
I did a happy dance inside on that one. #1 because they fit, #2 because I wasn't self conscious standing in my underwear in front of my sister (yup, self-imposed comfort zone issue rearing their ugly heads again) and #3 my mind always makes me bigger than I really am...and sometimes it's hard to judge yourself.
So after Boston, me & hubby got back on track and took off the beer bloat, but the humidity bloat is still hanging on like the dickens! I hate humidity!
We just went out last weekend to the outdoor mall here - big brand name stores that we rarely, if ever go into....mainly because of prices but also because of size. We - the both of us at one time - were big...WAY bigger than we are now. Well, now we get a kick out of going into these trendy stores to browse around and laugh that while we can fit into the clothes, we still aren't going to buy them ($250 jeans??? really?). I tried on a particular named brand jacket in a small and fairly fell over in shock. Really???? really? really. I could have sworn my arms were 3 times as big as that.
I have to constantly remind myself that things could be very different now if I didn't do something 4+ years ago. I have to constantly remind myself that the scale numbers are not 153 or 163 when I read 135 or 136.
Sometimes I wonder if my head would have been different if I knew what other gilrs weighed back when I was in junior high and high school.....maybe I would have not felt so down about myself if I had a reflected view of how I really looked and what 135 or 140 or 145 was among my peers....which, when you see pics, really wasn't that bad. I weighed in the upper 140s in highschool - horrible, right? yes, horrible when you think you are way bigger in your head and eat to console yourself....thus making it true and a reality in a few years.
Anyway....that's what I was thinking about lately...
Glad I found Spark .... glad I have a support system now....glad to be able to be heard and vent and get a reality check when I need to.
Stay cool everyone!
Sunday, July 08, 2012
So my last blog was me trying not to flip out about me being out of my maintenance range. (Yup - that was a flip-out blog....see how evolved I have become? LOL)
Well, as per my usual, getting back on track was easy enough...don't get me wrong, it was filled with dontwanna's and whaaaa-I-really-could-go-for-thats....but I just wanted everyone to know HOW I get back on track....geez....I talk about it enough, but I don't think I ever explained HOW.
So here it goes:
1 - drink that water. Like a fish. No excuses.
2 - get rid of the alcohol (for the time being - wean back on that until a special occassion - like my anniversary coming up - I can wait until then to imbibe a bit)
3 - cut the cheese. Pardon me! But all joking aside...is cheese REALLY necessary on my ham sandwich? No....not really, there, fat and calories cut in a second.
4 - bump up the freggies - yup, all of mine a cut up and ready to eat in the fridge for the WHOLE FAMILY to enjoy together before they rot away and we lose money because we didn't eat them.
5 - refrain from my chips (oh...and some of you know how much I lovem my chips now!) See all that fruit in the fridge? Eat that instead! (but I will admit, a sneak of a chip or two does occur off of my kid's plate...hey, I'm human!)
6 - make better choices at meals overall - this includes family get togethers...and yes, we had 2 since I got back to re-Sparking, and there were better choices to make, so I made them...(ie, choosing the turkeyburger instead of the big bad bacon-cheddar burger from the butcher saved me 400+ calories that meal alone) and also, bring your own stuff to the party - fresh blean bean corn salsa for example...or fruit salad...or a new salad of your own making....and then mix it up and do it for your own family at home, why wait for a party!?!?!
7 - Track your nutrition!!!!!!!!!
- - -Measure a few things here and there too - to relearn what a cup and half cup look like...and weigh a few pieces of meat to really see what 3 ounces of chicken or steak looks like.....you will be shocked at how big a portion really is!
8 - and of course....get moving!!! and track that fitness!!!
- - - Since I last tracked exercise, Spark revamped the fitness tracker and I LOVE IT!!! I always thought the calorie burn from strength training alone was something that was missing and I guess someone at the SparkOffice figured that out too....probably from Spark people suggesting it! (We are a pretty smart bunch, after all!)
So this is what I've been up to since the 3rd of July (yes, the 3rd...why wait until after the 4th like everyone else? I made better choices on the 4th because of this mindset.
And it IS a mindset. Like Nike says, "Just do it."
So do it....and remember it's the little things that add up over time....that and a truck load of patience.
Wednesday, July 04, 2012
That's what I thought after I stepped on the scale today and saw 136....a number I haven't seen in a while. And It probably is more than that, since vacation calories tend to sneak on a few lag days behind after you actually stop the eating and are already back on track.
Well, no use crying over eaten calories from the past....did you have fun while eating them??? Yup, I sure did because I was with visiting family and camping the whole time I was eating them....well, actually, drinking most of them. Was the extra drinking calories worth it??? Ummmm, I really don't think so now that I look back on it. A casual hard cider here and there are 200 cals a piece...and I barely got a buzz, so guess what? I think it's time to go back to good old water when camping.
But now June is over and July is here and we are home with family things to do for a full month before our next big camping trip....lots of little projects to tackle, piano lessons to give, books to read, treadmills to walk on, weeds to pull, and kids to get moving every day so they don't get rusty over the summer. I'm sure socializing is going to creep in, but I'm planning on being in control of those calories consumed a little bit better than I was in June!
Good plan huh??? I stink at making plans, so let's see if this plan actually goes the way I want it to. LoL
But you know what? (as I pull your ear closer to the monitor and whisper into your eyes) I think this time it is going to work. SHHH!! Don't tell anyone!
Why do I think this? Weeellll......because 3 years ago, I was doing the same thing - in the same spot mentally to: maintaining 150 at the time (well, 146-150 is more like it) and we had a hoot & hollerin' good old time from June to July....and we went away to Foxwoods Casino in CT for our 10 year wedding anniversary and I came back and was 153. AND I FLIPPED!!!!! O. M. G. What did I do???? I ruined everything?!?!!! I'm 190 pounds again! I can't believe I let myself go! I'm a loser! Yadda yadda yadda......and then, after all the mental self-flagellation was over, I started tracking again, and moving again, and Sparking again...aaaaand I lost another 10 pounds.
The moral of the story: Get a grip!!!
Sure, just because you gain a few back does NOT mean it is the end of the world. It means that you just have to take control back, be more aware, make better choices, and forgive yourself of your past, um, indiscretions.
So, even though the scale went up and up....it will all go away again....all in due time.
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