ANNIEONLI   47,663
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Update: so many changes going on.

Sunday, September 09, 2012

If I had to list how many changes have been going on and are going to be in the future, your head might spin! And most of these things are GOOD things too...but stressful nonetheless.

All of these changes have been weighing on my mind too - these last 2 months - and I really have not been sleeping well and I can actually FEEL stress eminating from my pores at times. I can also report that old habits from years ago have peeked their head out...the stress eating, the "I don't care I need a break from dieting anyway" thoughts (yes! the dreaded word "DIET" popped into my brain! I NEVER use that word! EEK!), even the "I'll start eating better tomorrow" and "I can work these calories off later" thoughts emerged and I people who know me on here, KNOW that I don't think like that...well, not anymore....before Spark, well yes, those prior quotes would flit though my mind every . single . day.

So now I am here once again, to give this update and even confess that - yes, indeed - those thoughts can come back, even though you thought they were long gone. THAT is scary. THAT is my nightmare. (Cue scary nightmare music)

I am here to also say that the last 2 months have been WICKED struggling months for me on the scale. Yeah, yeah, yeah - the scale is just a number, blah blah blah....but here is the deal - when your clothes start feeling snug and you are NOT pumping iron and doing an hour of cardio a, "HELLOOOOOO - IS THIS THING ON?!?!" the number on the scale MEANS something again.

So....what does one do?

One fights back.

Takes control.

Begins at the beginning again with what you know works.

Just do it.

Track food.

Move again.


Talk it out.

That last one is for me to remind myself to get on here and blog again. Part of my problem is that I feel that I am NOT heard...and that after a while, I feel that no one cares that I need to vent things too. There is also a part of me that, since I have been successful at weightloss & maintenance, is that people will read something I am venting about and just not care...and that kinda hurts to think that way, but I am a sensitive glutton for punishment and my own brain and thoughts are sometimes my worst enemy, and that is why I gained weight in the first place and if I don't vent, I will just revert back to that person I was before. (Insert another nightmare music clip here) brain thinks like this when I am stressed out....and even though the rational side of my brain is telling me that Spark and Sparkfriends are there for you no matter what...there is that scared little girl who is lost and doesn't know how to speak up when things get tough. (btw- I just started crying when I typed that I know that it's so true and had to be vented).

Well, that's all I'm up to writing about right now....It's not like I gained 10 pounds back, but being out of my range by 2 and being stuck with too much salt in my system along with my t.o.m. isn't helping with my morale...although I know "this too shall pass".

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NUOVAELLE 9/10/2012 2:00AM

    Those nasty thoughts are never a thing of the past, are they? And they can come back, showing their ugly face when things get over-stressful. I can imagine how scared you feel.
But don't be. Because you're here. You acknowledged them, you vented and you're ready to take control. You wouldn't have done this so soon in the past, right?
Embrace the new, good changes in your life and try to find some "me" time that will help you de-stress a little. And forget about the dreadful word! You haven't been "dieting" the past four years. You've been living a balanced life. And that's what you'll keep doing!
emoticon emoticon

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TASOGAREBAN 9/9/2012 6:19PM

    OMG I could've written this blog, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN!

Hold me. LOL!

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I am a Kindle addict

Wednesday, August 01, 2012

Yup...if you knew how many books I have purchased and read in the last 2 months of having this'd think "does she do anything else but read??"

I can read a book a day if I wanted to...I am a very fast reader. Yup - I was one of those who got each Harry Potter book and read it to completion in the first day/night of getting it. Now, add brainless romance novels and I read even faster! LoL

So, being that I noticed that I am an addict - I have given myself a bit of a challenge: I cannot read my Kindle unless I work out at least 15 minutes each day. There is no "I will read now and workout later" either....THAT does not work with's all...or nothing.


Simple as that.

I started this on Monday, and so good.

Now I have to work on my going to bed before 11pm thing....because I will read that thing until 12am easy....maybe even later...which technically would be the next day and the challenge would reset. See? I just figured out the next phase while typing away! LoL

OK - confession is done...I'm going to shower up because I just had a wicked awesome 50 minute workout that involved a really great run and the hitting a punching bag. The thing has been hanging there all this time & I never have used it....ummm, helloooo....wakeup and smell the java Annie! Use what ya got silly!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NUOVAELLE 8/18/2012 11:59AM

    Hey, fellow-bookworm! I love reading, too and I managed to read lots of books this summer. But I'm traditional, I like the feeling of a book in my hands and the turning of actual printed, paper pages. I tried to read an e-book on my phone once but I just couldn't! I know the Kindle is different and the only reason I'd like to have one is... space! I hate to have some of my books put in boxes just because there's no space for them on the bookshelves.
The idea about the exercise-reading connection was great! I use books as rewards sometimes and I have a good wish-list in my mind right now! Any good recommendations from your recent readings?

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THETROUT 8/17/2012 6:56AM


I was just checkin' on ya' to see how you're doing. A 50 min. workout! Wow!

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OAKBORN 8/15/2012 9:21PM

    I love my Kindle too, although of late my fiber arts have been my addiction. It's funny but I have had to set myself the rule of having to work out before am allowed to pick up my crafting. We seem to have parallels like this.

I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one who read the Harry Potter novels straight through... I think I finished one in like 9 hours.

Hope all is well with you and yours! You are prolly in the throes of getting the short people back to school... my tall one starts his Jr. year tomorrow... eep!


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REBECCATKD 8/7/2012 9:29AM

    Send me some good recommendations!

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DWEXCEL 8/3/2012 7:02AM

    I like it! emoticon

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GOLOPTIOUS 8/1/2012 10:27AM

    That's a great motivation/reward idea!!

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Sometimes it's all in your head

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Whenever I get down about things, I get little reminders at how it was..and how it could have been if I didn't get things under control when I did.

For example, when we went to Boston to visit my sister on, seriously, the hottest day of the entire year, we walked to the park around the corner and basically had to go up the biggest darned hill I have ever climbed since my youngest was barely walking. I remember that time because I was very heavy and could barely make it up that hill. So on this hill, as I climbed with very little trouble, I gave a bit of thanks to myself for getting help...and healthy...when I did.

But when you are all sweaty and wearing jean also get puffy...and bloated because of beer and chips...and I was starting to feel a bit down again when the boys left to go to another park when my sis said to me, "let's change into something cooler" and all I had brought with me were some cotton shorts (which I wound up wearing)....but she tossed me a pair of shorts she wore in college...and they fit me.

I did a happy dance inside on that one. #1 because they fit, #2 because I wasn't self conscious standing in my underwear in front of my sister (yup, self-imposed comfort zone issue rearing their ugly heads again) and #3 my mind always makes me bigger than I really am...and sometimes it's hard to judge yourself.

So after Boston, me & hubby got back on track and took off the beer bloat, but the humidity bloat is still hanging on like the dickens! I hate humidity!

We just went out last weekend to the outdoor mall here - big brand name stores that we rarely, if ever go into....mainly because of prices but also because of size. We - the both of us at one time - were big...WAY bigger than we are now. Well, now we get a kick out of going into these trendy stores to browse around and laugh that while we can fit into the clothes, we still aren't going to buy them ($250 jeans??? really?). I tried on a particular named brand jacket in a small and fairly fell over in shock. Really???? really? really. I could have sworn my arms were 3 times as big as that.

I have to constantly remind myself that things could be very different now if I didn't do something 4+ years ago. I have to constantly remind myself that the scale numbers are not 153 or 163 when I read 135 or 136.

Sometimes I wonder if my head would have been different if I knew what other gilrs weighed back when I was in junior high and high school.....maybe I would have not felt so down about myself if I had a reflected view of how I really looked and what 135 or 140 or 145 was among my peers....which, when you see pics, really wasn't that bad. I weighed in the upper 140s in highschool - horrible, right? yes, horrible when you think you are way bigger in your head and eat to console yourself....thus making it true and a reality in a few years.

Anyway....that's what I was thinking about lately...

Glad I found Spark .... glad I have a support system now....glad to be able to be heard and vent and get a reality check when I need to.

Stay cool everyone!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BAHAMIANJENNI 8/10/2012 11:59AM

    LOVING this blog, thank you for sharing!!

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STSCOTT11 8/10/2012 10:09AM

    GLAD you found SPARK and have made it work over all this time. GOOD WORK.

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SUGARSMOM2 7/23/2012 12:43PM

  yes it is all how you view it. look at it from many angles and it will look different from every one of them . emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DWEXCEL 7/23/2012 7:16AM

    Good Morning Sunshine!

I'm glad you found Spark too! You've always been there for me and I have really enjoyed our friendship! It sure does make you feel better when you can wear that smaller size, for sure! I'm sure ya'll really had fun in that store....LOL.....I know what you mean about the prices!

One of my favorite "shopping" places these days is consignment stores. I discovered them in Florida, and have continued my adventures here as well. Wednesday I went shopping to my fav down the street. I bought $50 worth of clothes, that still had tags on most of them for a total of 9 items! The one pair of jean capri's would have cost well over $50 in a regular store. And they all fit!!!!!!!! So I'm feeling pretty good myself!

I know what you mean about this humidity Bloat......and it looks like it's going to be lingering around for a while longer. I'm up just a little on the scale, but I will be working hard this week to keep it under the 145 mark for the month of July! I'm blaming it on the humidity, but in reality I've had a little more ice cream, and a couple of burgers and fries....well fries once! But I know what I have to do, and how to do it....thanks to you, and Sparkpeople!

Love ya!
Donna emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/23/2012 7:16:48 AM

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NINJA_SMOO 7/19/2012 11:29AM

  The small jacket and your sister's shorts would have made me so excited! You're doing great :)

Thinking about highschool - I did know how much my friends weighed and though that because I weighed 20-30lbs more than them I was huge and gross - never taking into consideration that I was 5" or so taller than them. At 5'5", 95lbs is not good, but at 5'0" it's fine. At 16 or 17 I just could not wrap my head around that. Looking back at pictures of myself from then... I can't believe I thought I was fat! I'd do all sorts of terrible things (except, apparently exercise consistently... sigh) to be that little again.

Using your peers' weights for comparison only works if you're similar in height.

I get where you're at with the mind-body/weight disconnect. I think it's pretty common.

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GOLOPTIOUS 7/19/2012 10:54AM

    You sound like you're doing so well!

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MONTREAL12 7/19/2012 8:52AM

  We're glad to have you with us! Have a great day!

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It's the little things.

Sunday, July 08, 2012

So my last blog was me trying not to flip out about me being out of my maintenance range. (Yup - that was a flip-out blog....see how evolved I have become? LOL)

Well, as per my usual, getting back on track was easy enough...don't get me wrong, it was filled with dontwanna's and whaaaa-I-really-could-go-for-thats....but I just wanted everyone to know HOW I get back on track....geez....I talk about it enough, but I don't think I ever explained HOW.

So here it goes:
1 - drink that water. Like a fish. No excuses.

2 - get rid of the alcohol (for the time being - wean back on that until a special occassion - like my anniversary coming up - I can wait until then to imbibe a bit)

3 - cut the cheese. emoticon Pardon me! But all joking cheese REALLY necessary on my ham sandwich? No....not really, there, fat and calories cut in a second.

4 - bump up the freggies - yup, all of mine a cut up and ready to eat in the fridge for the WHOLE FAMILY to enjoy together before they rot away and we lose money because we didn't eat them.

5 - refrain from my chips (oh...and some of you know how much I lovem my chips now!) emoticon See all that fruit in the fridge? Eat that instead! (but I will admit, a sneak of a chip or two does occur off of my kid's plate...hey, I'm human!)

6 - make better choices at meals overall - this includes family get togethers...and yes, we had 2 since I got back to re-Sparking, and there were better choices to make, so I made them...(ie, choosing the turkeyburger instead of the big bad bacon-cheddar burger from the butcher saved me 400+ calories that meal alone) and also, bring your own stuff to the party - fresh blean bean corn salsa for example...or fruit salad...or a new salad of your own making....and then mix it up and do it for your own family at home, why wait for a party!?!?!

7 - Track your nutrition!!!!!!!!!
- - -Measure a few things here and there too - to relearn what a cup and half cup look like...and weigh a few pieces of meat to really see what 3 ounces of chicken or steak looks will be shocked at how big a portion really is!

8 - and of course....get moving!!! and track that fitness!!!
- - - Since I last tracked exercise, Spark revamped the fitness tracker and I LOVE IT!!! I always thought the calorie burn from strength training alone was something that was missing and I guess someone at the SparkOffice figured that out too....probably from Spark people suggesting it! (We are a pretty smart bunch, after all!)

So this is what I've been up to since the 3rd of July (yes, the 3rd...why wait until after the 4th like everyone else? I made better choices on the 4th because of this mindset.

And it IS a mindset. Like Nike says, "Just do it."

So do it....and remember it's the little things that add up over time....that and a truck load of patience.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FULLOFFAITH 7/9/2012 11:27PM

    OMG!!! You always know what I need to hear. So I am attempting to get back on track with my exercise, Food & Water. Thanks for sharing how you get back on track. I can use this as a great way to help me stay focused.


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LADYOLIVER 7/9/2012 9:58PM

    Oh how I needed this......I know I need to get back to eliminating certain things AGAIN from my diet....being I am not at my goal weight. Why do I think I have play time. UGH emoticon

Thanks Annie

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DWEXCEL 7/9/2012 8:28AM

    Yes, you are so right!

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THETROUT 7/8/2012 8:18AM

    Thanks for the encouragement. Congrads on your success so far.

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Up, up...and AWAY!

Wednesday, July 04, 2012

That's what I thought after I stepped on the scale today and saw 136....a number I haven't seen in a while. And It probably is more than that, since vacation calories tend to sneak on a few lag days behind after you actually stop the eating and are already back on track.
emoticon sigh
Well, no use crying over eaten calories from the past....did you have fun while eating them??? Yup, I sure did because I was with visiting family and camping the whole time I was eating them....well, actually, drinking most of them. Was the extra drinking calories worth it??? Ummmm, I really don't think so now that I look back on it. A casual hard cider here and there are 200 cals a piece...and I barely got a buzz, so guess what? I think it's time to go back to good old water when camping.

But now June is over and July is here and we are home with family things to do for a full month before our next big camping trip....lots of little projects to tackle, piano lessons to give, books to read, treadmills to walk on, weeds to pull, and kids to get moving every day so they don't get rusty over the summer. I'm sure socializing is going to creep in, but I'm planning on being in control of those calories consumed a little bit better than I was in June!

Good plan huh??? I stink at making plans, so let's see if this plan actually goes the way I want it to. LoL

But you know what? (as I pull your ear closer to the monitor and whisper into your eyes) I think this time it is going to work. SHHH!! Don't tell anyone!

Why do I think this? Weeellll......because 3 years ago, I was doing the same thing - in the same spot mentally to: maintaining 150 at the time (well, 146-150 is more like it) and we had a hoot & hollerin' good old time from June to July....and we went away to Foxwoods Casino in CT for our 10 year wedding anniversary and I came back and was 153. AND I FLIPPED!!!!! O. M. G. What did I do???? I ruined everything?!?!!! I'm 190 pounds again! I can't believe I let myself go! I'm a loser! Yadda yadda yadda......and then, after all the mental self-flagellation was over, I started tracking again, and moving again, and Sparking again...aaaaand I lost another 10 pounds.

The moral of the story: Get a grip!!!

Sure, just because you gain a few back does NOT mean it is the end of the world. It means that you just have to take control back, be more aware, make better choices, and forgive yourself of your past, um, indiscretions. emoticon

So, even though the scale went up and will all go away again....all in due time.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DWEXCEL 7/9/2012 8:33AM

    I just love your Blogs! It's almost like I feel like we are having a real conversation. You really know how to say the things that most of us feel, and you say it "just like I would say it"

Talk to ya soon!

Love ya!

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RUNNER12COM 7/4/2012 10:06PM

    Work your plan!

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OAKBORN 7/4/2012 10:20AM

    You know I know you know! (Did that make sense?) (It did in MY head... hopefully it does in YOURS too!)

Hope you and your guys are having a good 4th! emoticon emoticon

You express it so well, as usual... been battling getting back on track myself... the last 3 days, well, um, let's not talk about those... ahem.. emoticon

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NUOVAELLE 7/4/2012 8:23AM

    It sounds like a good plan to me. And as you said it's highly likely to work because simply... it's worked before!
I believe you'll do great because you've found the magic combination of healthy lifestyle and the joys of living. You're just here to teach everyone else and show us the way. And thank you for that!

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GHOSTFLAMES 7/4/2012 7:22AM


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NANAW12001 7/4/2012 7:18AM

  Very well written.

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