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A conscious effort

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Every clockwork...I hit the alarm at 6:30, go downstairs, say hey to hubby, get my cup of coffee, and log onto my emails and read my horoscope that is sent to me daily...and then I check FB and get Spark log-in points. When I am really good....I weigh myself nekkid before I go downstairs, but I'm hiding from my scale right now...stress eating guilt going on...but I digress, that is another blog entirely.

So back to the emails and my horoscope....or HORROR-scope as I sometimes like to call it. Sometimes, it's as good as weighing yourself early and seeing a rise in the can TOTALLY kill your day, even though it has NOTHING to do with it...because the day just started for Pete's sake...and yet....somehow, depending on what you absolutely, positively, kills your mental state for the day.

So today, I did not read my horrorscope email. Even though it was staring at me to open it on my "bing" bar at the top of my screen.

*sigh* A very hard thing to do...another habit to break I guess.

Sometimes, the thing is spot on...other times it's totally it chance or is it me subconsciously fullfilling a internet imposed prophecy? how smart am I to let this little paragraph, made up by some computer or better yet, some wacko in bum-frack, dictate my mental state and actions for a day? Well.. I guess I am not very smart..because it has happened. Just like the number on the scale will dictate my mood for the day. Hellloooooo - SNAP OUT OF IT!!!!

So today I made a conscious effort to change my way of thinking AND my behavior. .. thanks to a few positive Spark blogs I read this morning instead of the stupid horrorscope.

It's also thanks to my hubby, who sees me struggling with life at the moment . . who has let me vent more about my uncertainties of what the future holds, as exciting as change is.... it still scares the crap out of me.

And slowly....slooooowly, I am realizing that I miss things that I ( myself and I) absolutely LOVE, but have put to the wayside over the years because other people (kids, family, work, etc..) have taken priority over what I love to do. For example: Music....I love music...I have played piano since I was 5 and violin, since I was 8. I need to nurture that part of me...and slowly, I am starting and teaching my kids piano and giving them tips on their violins...and that is a really good thing... it's a start.

Anyway....making a conscious effort in anything takes time and persistence...just like losing weight. Which brings me to my other "confession" of sorts: I am totally in my upper range and these 2 pounds have officially come back on and it's NOT water's NOT's 2 to 3 pounds that has just STUCK around since summer drinking and snacking put it there. Add my stress eating now and efforts to get rid of it are starting to get frustrating.

Go ahead....scoff at the above paragraph...especially if you are trying to lose more than that. Trust me, I have read, been and done that to other blogs on here (hey - I'm just keepin' it real people) but I just wanted others out there with the whole "I can't get rid of these 2 to 5 pounds off my butt" issues - let them know that I get you.

I get to add that to my repertoire of weight-loss understanding:
- the yo-yo dieters - oh, I get you
- the "I gotta lose 50 pounds people" - I get you
- the "I have to maintain this weightloss - how the heck do I do that?" people - I get you
- the "I gained 5 pounds and it won't come off fast enough" people - now I get you.

All in maintenance journey has been an easy enough one...but faced with a new life changing stress...well, it is throwing me for a loop and bringing me back to 25 years ago when I stress and emotionally ate my way up 10 pounds each year.

The biggest thing that is different is where I am mentally now....and I have the tools to combat the battle head on - but still, it is damn scary to think that I won't make it.

You'd think that that would be motivation enough to get back on track right?

Yeah right...but not if you are reading horrorscopes everyday and letting something outside dictate how you think each day.

THAT is like grasping at straws and having someone else live your life and make decisions in your life FOR you instead of you taking the bull by the balls and doing it it should be.

So today begins my conscious effort to ignore the horrorscope on the "bing" bar. In fact, it's time to unsubscribe and move on entirely...along with a few other things as stress & emotional eating, which do nothing in the effort to make my pants fit better.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REBECCATKD 10/16/2012 6:19PM

    And I get you! Because sometimes two pounds is a lot harder to lose than twenty.
I'm worried about your "stress eating." What's going on? Mail me if you need to -- I'm here to listen!

emoticon emoticon
And yes, take 'em by those balls!

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OAKBORN 10/16/2012 9:59AM

    You truly are one of the wisest people I know. You have such amazing insight into things! Hugs! emoticon

May you have: emoticon Strength for the changes, emoticonflexibility for that which life brings, and emoticon the grace to deal with it all, even if it means juggling emoticon 32 plates, 5 penguins and a live gator!!


Comment edited on: 10/16/2012 10:02:10 AM

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ORODEO73 10/16/2012 9:24AM

    I wish you much luck. I get you on the rate of trying to lose even a little and keep it off. My problem was I told myself that those 2 pounds were ok and then it turned into 2 pounds a day and then more til I lost complete control.

Good luck on getting to your goal!!! emoticon

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SOooo tired

Monday, October 15, 2012

The only thing I can equate this lethargy with is being pregnant....but I'm not pregnant, so I'm attributing it to needing a vacation.

Last week was an emotional one...BIG TIME. I had a blog written about it, but swapped it over to a journal entry instead...but trust me, between running around with the kids, the extracurriculars, the planning, the emails, the homework, the shuffling of bodies from place to place...I am pooped.

So staring at me this Monday is this (on highest to lowest levels of priority) are:

- change battery in fire detector because it is beeping - sure, a simple task you think...BUT I have to call ADT to go off line, then get a ladder, then open the thing up, then go GET a new battery because GOD FORBID it's a normal one I'd have in the house,...the reverse the whole thing so I'm back to it NOT chirping at me every 10 seconds.

-prep for the den meeting I am having tonight for scouts

- food store....evidently my shopping trip to the store on Friday was a complete bust because we are out of eggs...and green things...and wheat bread for the kid's sandwiches for school.

- the office supply is kinda important

- the office to do the monthly billing (you'd think that'd take higher priority, but I can bang it out tomorrow too)

- exercise

HOWEVER....I am beat. Tired. Pooped. Tuckered out. Drained. Seriously in need of a vacation...I want to do absolutely NONE of the above.

HERE is how tired I was yesterday: slept late until 9am!!!! Me and the hubby...both of bed, passed out...until 9am when the kids got us up to feed them. We felt like we were in a twilight zone episode. We have not slept past 7am in the last 13...yes, THIRTEEN...13 years...yes...YEARS!!

After that - we are 2 hours off-kilter...and then at my sister in laws house.....I took a nap while everyone was watching the football game around me!!! And I NEVER EVER EVER EVER have done all of 16 years of knowing these people....I have NEVER fallen into nap mode....even when I WAS pregnant! you can see...i'm sitting here blogging and listening to the chirping fire detector and the temptation to go back to bed is HUGE...and I just might.

Maybe I'm fighting off a cold. Very possible.

Maybe I'm just tired of the constant running around. VERY very possible.

Should I be SELFISH and actually go back to bed for a bit...since it is my "day off" and all...oh, I am seriously leaning toward that. My nice warm and soft flannel quiet house all around me. It's sounding better and better the more I think about it.

Will everything else get done today...yup, it will....because I am me and I get stuff done....all the time. Guaranteed. Absolutely...positiviely..if I say so, it gets done. That's me. The go-to girl.

but right now...I think I will take an hour to take a nap...a little one...and then, hopefully, I will feel refreshed enough to get on the treadmill like I wanted to do this morning. I know THAT wil give me some energy....for sure!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATRINAKAT23 10/15/2012 2:13PM

  ahhh a nap, I'm with ya on that. I have been taking
naps which are unusual for me too, but they are
starting to become a habit.

Yep after checking a few more emails, I am going
for a nap.

Have a great week.


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STSCOTT11 10/15/2012 9:38AM

    With all of that...anyone would be tired.
A wife and mother's work is never done.
I think though...along with the many duties and could be THE WEATHER CHANGE that's taking something from you. And too...if you don't take vitamins or get a peaceful resting sleep each night...THAT can zap all your energy too. I was so taken by the drop in my energy...I started looking at the calendar thinking my TOM was lurking. lol should be knocking on my door any day now. What works for me is IRON supplements. Another thing in moderation during the day is ginseng and green tea supplements. Those two turn me into a super woman.

And sometimes...we can't "get away" but what we can do is UNPLUG. Give yourself A BREAK. Unplug from everything even if it is for ONE HOUR. Sounds easy...but its not always easy because we don't always realize how plugged in we are... Preparing mentally first to unplug and then go for a 1 hour walk...think of NOTHING but simply enjoy THE MOMENT.
Or if you can...allow yourself a 1/2 day BREAK. Where you get a sitter for the kids and either have a simple dinner with your husband or just GO AWAY for a few hours...
Before you go...promise you won't worry aboutthe kids or whatever is going on. BELIEVE ME it will all be there waiting for you when you get back. lol
My gym time is MY ME TIME. I go there and forget I have kids...and ALL my troubles, worries, problems. Its like yoga. lol

All the best to you. Keep sparkin.

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Why I love tracking fitness

Tuesday, October 09, 2012

I cannot say that I exercise religiously...I am more of a "cyclical exerciser"...but the main point is that EVENTUALLY, I do get back to it. It just all depends on what is going on at the moment.

So here I a exercise "hiatus" if you will...and just when I start to get mean and nasty on myself, I pull up my exercise report tab and see where and what I did last year...and even the year before that.

Well surprise, surprise! Look at that! 2 years October slump....and last training for a 5K!

So what makes this year a "slump October year". Lot of changes going on...yup, part of the problem. Totally not training for a 5K too. Don't know why I didn't sign up...just busy with all those changes, I guess. It wasn't on my priority list this year. OK, last year it wasn't either, but my girlfriend was in town and it's her tradition to run a Turkey Trot I kinda had to- wanted to do it with her. But I must admit I did procrastinate signing up. ... but I digress....

I feel the surge coming on again to exercise...that is the main point. Am I excited to see where my stamina is? Yupper! I always am amazed at how the body remembers things...especially when coming out of a hiatus. It's kinda like a surprise gift when you least expect it. Now I'm sure it would be completely different if I went from being active to sedentary to active again...but i'm always moving, so it turns out to be a pleasant surprise each time. I know for a FACT that I am stronger and more fit cardio-wise than I was 5 years ago and that alone is a big boost in confidence to get moving .

Anyway....if you don't track the fitness...might want to start because if you are like me, then seeing that report will give you the boost you need to get moving again!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OAKBORN 10/16/2012 10:48AM

    I understand the slump! I am rebuilding myself after the HOT Texas summer, but doing well. I had a bad slump in August.... but I am getting better.

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LADYJ6942 10/9/2012 12:26PM

    Glad the spark has returned to resume your exercise regimine. I'm most thankful my stressful time is slowing so I can get back to my regular gym routine too.

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    Welcome back.

Make Today a Great day!

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Joined the National Weight Control Registry

Friday, October 05, 2012

The National Weight Control Registry is a study that is basically documenting people who have lost and maintained a 30 pound weightloss for over a year.

I'm glad to say that I fit into that category 3 times over.

Year one - lost 30 pounds and maintained for one year.
Year two - lost 10 more pounds and maintained the 40 year weightloss for a year.
Year three - lost 5 to 10 more pounds and am maintaining a 50-55 pound weighloss now for over a year.

But even with those numbers, it took me a while to actually sign up and submit my name into the study...and when I did, yes, thoughts of "OMG, I hope I don't gain any of this back" did cross my mind.

Previous years of going up and going down and failure have that effect on one's mind - a flashback of doubt that kicks into high gear when one is feeling exceptionally vulnerable.

So you can imagine what my mind went through when the actual, physical papers came in the mail...the one's that you sign and that say they will be sending surveys and such to me to document my journey in maintenance...and it became another level of REAL for me.

The REAL that it's not just about's about others in my world who I touch every day....mainly my immediate family, but also those on here and now those in that study.

It's the REAL of HOW and WHY one can lose and maintain while others struggle.

It's the REAL of being strong enough not to completely give up when things get tough...and to always looks back and learn from the process, so that future decisions made are in fact, made for the better.

It's the REAL of not letting ME, MYSELF and I down first and foremost...because all the others will still be there doing their own thing, in their own world and in their own time.

Anywhooo....after holding these papers on my "desk of indecision" for 2 weeks...they are in the mail today.

New goal for the next 5 years...maintain as I have been day at a time.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OAKBORN 10/16/2012 10:51AM

    We are both 10%ers! The necklace you sent me reminds me everyday as does my SP password. And the Army won't keep me if I go up or become unable to pass the APFT.

So no choice, really... and I'm glad I don't have one.

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NUOVAELLE 10/6/2012 2:49AM

    This is really interesting and it sounds like another good motive to keep on doing what you've been successfully doing. Good luck!
Keep on inspiring us!

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62NVON 10/5/2012 10:56AM

    I've entered my information to be included in the registry, but no paperwork has come yet.


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LYNNA1968 10/5/2012 10:40AM

    I've never even heard of that, congratulations losing & maintaining! Keep it up & much luck and support

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NANAW12001 10/5/2012 10:39AM

  Very interesting. I had no idea this existed.

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Change #3 - Give yourself credit

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Give yourself credit where credit is due.


Sometimes you have to take a step back and look at yourself as if you were an outsider. What or who you might see may surprise you a whole lot.

For instance - if you have lost 5 or 10 pound...break out some pictures and look at a new one...YOU did that. Not anyone else. YOU did that.

Pat yourself on the back!

Go ahead you deserve it!

But before you go crazy and eat that ice cream to celebrate - take that small bite of humble pie, skip the ice cream, and keep moving forward because there is ALWAYS room for improving oneself.

True? yup...true.

It also goes for thing you have done yourself in this here world. As mom's, a lot of us tend to dwell on what the kids are doing TO us...draining our energy, our loks, blah, blah, about instead we focus on how and what WE are doing TO them as mom's: we nurture, care, feed, cloth, and unconditionally love them....again, not everyone is great at it all the time and some might need some therapy when they are older, but seriously, if your kid's give you a hug and say "I love you" all on their own....well, then PAT yourself on the back! You are doing a dang good job!

And in the workplace - are you nice? get your work done? not stir up the pot (unless you like to do that...then go right ahead)..are you generally a team player? Do you TRY your best? Well then, give yourself some credit there as well!

I can go on and on....basically, my point here is that sometimes we don't give ourselves credit for who we are as people.

I'm writing this because this eyes were opened because a person I just met was impressed on my knowledge of a particular subject...and they actually said so! I take my own abilities for granted CONSTANTLY. It's part of my old "blend into the background and no one will notice you and how fat you are" mentality.

I will be approaching 40 this upcoming year. When I was approaching my 30's - my motto was that "life begins in your 30s". I think my 40s motto is going to be that "life really gets even better in your 40s"

A quote from Jane Eyre has been constantly floating in my head: to summarize, Jane says "my accomplishments will wait...until they are needed again." How true that I am finding that to be.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LADYJ6942 9/20/2012 3:59PM

    I couldnt agree more

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