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Things are definitely different

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

There are a ton of things flipping inside my head over the last few days, and I realized I haven't blogged in over a week. The house is quiet now and I can think, and I think that is the most quiet I'll be getting for a while, so I might as well hop on now!

A couple of things went on this past week - a communion being the most prevalent in my mind. It was a large family gathering, composed mostly of people I had not seen since I was pushing the limites of my XL clothes. A month or so ago, my sis and I went shopping and I bought a new top - size L. I cleaned out my closet too and found my "skinny" pants I bought 3 years ago - size 14. New jewelry that I treated myself to and a pair of heels and I was set! Ooo lala! I shocked a few people, to put it mildly.

Then I was thinking about goals and such...I'm about 10 pounds away from my goal, believe it or not. I figured that I'd just lighten up and try to maintain 150. But what if I don't want to? What if my body keeps going on it's own? The thought of being a size M blows my mind!! Can I maintain that? My sisters are that size - why not me?!

Will being a "thin" girl change me? I can tell you something right now...all I want to do is go shopping! It's like an addiction creeping up on me. I can FEEL it! Instead of food - it's clothes. I've never liked shopping before - now I can't wait to go! I've bought some really cool accessories that even my diva sister has drooled over - not a lot of money, but really cool nonetheless.

So I guess what I've been mulling over is the internal/external body image thing. I don't think it will change me, but how can it not? The core of my being will always be the same (God, I hope so). It does not matter what you look like on the outside, but what is on the inside. It's a hard mental thing when you start mulling it over. Too deep for right now, but something to think about.

On a lighter note:
At the supermarket yesterday midday (alone), 2 guys were checking me out. It was so crazy obvious it was not funny. I put 2 flax roll-ups in my basket and next thing I knew, one of them picked up the same thing and looked at it. I was on the deli line waiting to be served. You have to pick a number. He didn't. They didn't order a thing. They were waiting for 5 minutes, until I turned just slightly and doing so, I flashed my thing I knew, they scurried away to the produce section! Talk about a boost! Too funny!

The very, very, very best thing about these last 2 weeks was doing a challenge to kick my butt out of plateau mode. I can't tell you how helpful it was to do that! And all it really was, was pushing my own limits! Imagine that! I will definitely be doing that again!

A big thanks to those who helped me on the train out of Funkietown!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MKPQ51 5/9/2008 1:45PM

    So happy you realize that what's on the inside is far more important than what on the outside. Now, with that said, isn't it great when a total stranger thinks you attractive as to follow you around the supermarket? It really does boast your ego! It's really a shame that people don't seem to notice you (meaning all of us in general) when you're heavier; after all, you are the same person. I think what happens to us when we lose weight, we feel more attractive (that all the advertising) and we think we have more confidence. The truth is we are the same before and after; we just have to remember to make sure that the good in us shows on the outside!

As for the shopping, do remember to be a smart shopper. You can buy some really nice things at reasonable prices; just don't get sucked in by buying things too trendy, 'cuz those styles are here today and gone tomorrow. Also, check out some of the second-hand stores and consignment shops; now that you've gotten into a smaller size, you'll be surprised at the great selection.

I'm so proud of you and so happy I could be here during your journey to a healthier lifestyle.

Gotta go; will try to write more later.

Hugs and kisses,


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OAKBORN 5/7/2008 11:44PM

    I understand your thoughts! I have had similar stuff go through my head. Things about not being fat any more. It's really weird to wrap the mind around the cute clothes you can wear now... especially when it's been so ingrained that you need the XL or XXL.

On the train out of Funkietown with you!!


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Found some old photos

Monday, April 28, 2008

I'll have to put some old photos of hubby and me up on this page. I just found some old photos from 10 years ago. Holey moley! Were we heavy!
I don't even look like myself today. It was actually shocking and sad to me that I waited so long to take control of my body's health and tears were welling up in my eyes. The lack of self esteem, the poor body image, the hateful and self-depricating feelings that I put upon myself during my teens and twenties - it all came rushing back.

I said to myself before I got pregnant with my 3rd child and was a size 12, that I was done living like that. I'm glad to see that that fire was still burning within my soul, because I am done with that heavy mentality.

When I went to my 15th highschool reunion a year and a half ago (yes, we have those - more like a cocktail hour really) - people I had met said I looked great and better than I did in high school. Imagine that! I just had a baby, that's probably why they said it. Unfortunately a lot of weight came back after that..I like to call it the busy mommy weight. Well - that is slowly going away now. New goal for me - to be fit and healthy for my 20th reunion in a few years...I'll be the one putting the others to shame. I'm gonna be THAT girl that knowbody recognizes from highschool. Confident, healthy, happy! I don't plan on being a size 6 either. If it happens, great, but let's face it - I'm one of the most realistic people you are going to meet. A size 12 will do just fine. One of my best friends from school lives in NC and doesn't even know what I'm doing - I figured I'll surprise her when she comes to visit her parents this summer.

I've always said that the 30s is when life begins. I said it when I was in my twenties. I still strongly believe that now that I am halfway through.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OAKBORN 5/4/2008 10:43PM

You rock! You will be the girl you never even knew you were!

Thanks for stopping by and wishing me health-ness!

Just for that, you're getting friended!!



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TMHANSON 4/28/2008 2:37PM

    You are doing so great....You are an inspiration. My hubby has 20 year class reunion this year and I'd love to be the one smokin, so he can be proud. Thanks for all your really makes me want to keep on.


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QTCOLEY 4/28/2008 2:31PM

    Speaking of your photos... you know what I thought was kinda funny... I have a picture of me and my brother at his white coat ceremony. hehe It's not in the pics on here though, should put it up some day.

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Back from camping, back to life, back to basics

Friday, April 25, 2008

Just got back from camping at Hither Hills State Park on the southern fork of Long Island. Montauk Point is just 6 miles away. It was a great trip. Very cold and windy on Sunday and Monday, but Tues thru Thurs, the weather got better and better. We left the campsite with 70 degrees at 10am!

We walked a lot - to and from the playground, up and down the stone staircase going up the hill...several times a day, easy! We ate like campers...very little snacking, but eating the foods we enjoy - s'mores, hotdogs, burgers, chips and iced tea. Veggies were around for dinner - nothing like corn and potato on the coals.

The kids had a blast playing in the pop-up camper, playing games, coloring, and playing "bounce" ball with a kickball and bat - kind of a modified stickball game we made up.

Being early in the camping season, there were not many people camping this week. Some tenters only stayed one or two nights. We had heat, so the nights were not that bad - only the one night when we ran out of propane! And we froze the milk and eggs! The fridge was set to high cool - which is basically freezing!

The beach was not how I remember it when I was a kid. The beach itself at high tide is almost up to the dunes. They made double layered dunes, but in doing so, the beach was taken away, and with erosion being what it is, did not help. Laying on a blanket with a cooler will not be happening along the shore during high tide very'll be sitting in the ocean!

I did get some beautiful shots of the beach and campsite. I think it's time to revamp the page with some Long Island decor!

Weight wise - no change. But I've been trying the last few weeks halfway. Exercise is lackluster at best. I am trying to boost up the motivation. Being sick really took the steam out of my run in March and April. I am trying to get that original mindset back.

May will be my month. This week will be a new birth. This plateau will break. New mini-goal: 160 by the end of May. Positive thinking and baby steps. Back to basics.


True love

Saturday, April 19, 2008

An old man named Larry needed some help today, and being in the field of his need, my father and I came to his aid, even though our office was closed. He left a message there, but he also called my house number to get some help. We've known this man for years. He has lived around the corner from where I grew up since, well, forever.

While we were waiting, my father left the room, and I asked him how he was doing. "Not so good since Rosie died," he said. His wife, Rosie, was a remarkable lady. She had had a stroke a few years back and was almost doubled over with arthritis and she could no longer speak very well. She had come to us as well, always with a sense of humor, even though it was hard to talk. She'd chuckle at my antics for distraction and the stories of my kids growing up.

So Larry cared for Rosie for the last few years, even though he was getting older. His love for her made him stronger so that he could do that for her. His mind stayed sharp and his body held out. But eventually, Rosie passed on - and Larry was left alone. Sure, he had his son and daughter-in-law, but not his Rosie.

Now sitting before me was a man who was starting to slip. He just had a pacemaker put in Tuesday and could not move his left arm because of doctor's orders. He looked ten years older since I had seen him last. The sparkle, that was there for as long as I could recall, was gone from his eyes. He looked so down.

Instinct took over and I gave him a huge hug right then and there. I don't know what possessed me, but he appreciated it a lot.

We took care of him today to the best of our ability and he was very grateful. The only thing we could not fix was his broken heart.

As he was leaving he said to my father, " I just want to be with Rosie. I miss her so much."

This is for you, Larry, and your true love Rosie.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MKPQ51 4/29/2008 8:43PM

    Your blog has made me cry. I knew you were someone very special; and, your actions have proved that I was right! You'll never know just how much that hug meant to Larry. Thank you (and your father) for being there for him.

When we marry, we become one. More times than not, senior couples go and do everything together; when one of them becomes sick, even though there may be other family members around, it usually is the other half of that union who is the main caregiver. This, in turn, makes their love for each other even stronger. So, when the spouse dies, it is a very lonely time for the one left behind.

Please let me encourage you to visit Larry periodically; I'm sure your short visits would be so appreciated.

May God bless you!


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FULLOFFAITH 4/20/2008 1:17PM

    Very touching.

Be Blessed.


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EFAKER 4/19/2008 7:44PM

    Awww, that's a sweet story. Know you must feel good that you could help a little.

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Back to normal - FINALLY

Monday, April 14, 2008

That's right - I'm finally back to normal! Hooray!! Antibiotics worked and things are more normal than they have been in weeks. Back to the workout routine - FINALLY!

A weird weekend - a very busy one. We attended our very first Passover Seder at a family friends house on Saturday. They usually have 2 huge ones during passover, which we would not be able to attend because they have so many other people in attendance. So they made a dinner just for my family of 5 and my father; which was very nice of them to do because it added 2 extra cooking days to their festivites. The only downfall was the lack of flavor in any of the food. He is diabetic and has heart disease, so sugar and salt were completely omitted. Good for them - bad for taste for us! Oh well. It's the thought that counts right?

Before that dinner - we had a full day of Teeball from 10:30 to 1:00. Parade, pictures, ceremony - the whole 9 yards! Unfortunately, just as the kids were getting ready to hit the first ball at 1pm, the game was called on account of rain! Thunder & lightening came in and ruined the first game!
The kids were exhausted by the time we got home that night.

Yesterday was a day of picking up the house and an imprompu family dinner for 13! My husband whipped up a soup and salad for the family and we had a great afternoon hanging out. We're a close knit group, although we don't get to hang out as much as we'd like to.

And so begins a new week full of school, work, teeball and taxes (oh, yay)!


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