Wednesday, January 22, 2014
I am having such a hard time. Struggling to get this eating under control. When I eat like crap I feel like crap. You would think knowing that would make me not eat the junk. Nope. It still makes me do it. Why? Because my mind goes blank and I just do it. I wish I knew how to stop it.
I could read countless books on managing my eating. I learn things from those books but they don’t stick in my head. Once I read something and go on with my day, what I read has vanished. I just don’t get it. What do I need to do?
I truly want to lose this weight, I do. I know if I could get my eating to just be what it needs to be that I would be successful. I want to be successful. I want to get to my goal by the end of 2014 but if this eating doesn’t get under control I wont lose the last 50 lbs.
This is really bringing me down. Im really starting to dislike myself. When I eat the junk I ask myself if I would want my 2 year old to be eating like that. No I don’t. He is a sweets junkie just like his mama and I want to correct that in him and I know it starts with me. The poor guy probably thinks that if mommy eats it so can I? And why not? I should be eating better so that he wants to as well. You know he calls every food item a cookie. Ok with the exception of a banana. Whats worse – when he is throwing a fit, to quiet him down, I USED TO give him a snack (key word used too – I don’t anymore). Real good huh! Not. Glad I stopped doing that. I don’t want him to learn to soothe with food. Now we play. Lately since I don’t want him to eat the junk I do – I do it where he cant see me. Sad!!! This is not what I want.
I know I need help and I found a great book that has helped 1000’s upon 1000’s with the exact same issues as me. Im just afraid to read it. Im afraid I will forget everything I read and it will be no help anyways and I will have wasted my time and energy. How can I get the things I learn and read to stick in my head?
I need to beat this issue I have with mindless eating and with junk food. I eat when I am not hungry. I eat when I am done with dinner. When I eat the junk I don’t track it. Its like if I don’t track it then it didn’t happen. Ugh. My trigger time is when I get home from work. I just want to eat. And it has to be sweets that I want to eat. What helped me before what to ask myself if I would eat an apple instead. If so then I was truly hungry if not then it was a craving. It was working for a while. Now – not so much.
I want to get back to my eating patters that helped me lose 30 lbs since August. I want to be healthy and look good.
With taxes I am planning on getting some new outfits. Well that will be a waste if I cant get the eating under control in the next 4 weeks. What will be the point of shopping if I don’t buy smaller sizes??
Gotta get with the game and get losing!!!