Wednesday, December 04, 2013
This is my first season of actually watching The Biggest Loser on TV, due to various reasons. And I can admit that the only reason I started watching in the first place is because I've been involved with The SP Biggest Loser Challenge for quite a while now, and was hoping to get some insight. Now it seems that I learn a little bit of something with every show.
Last night I learned that you have to give up your old life to really be able to commit to the new one you hope to have. Jillian spent a week at a contestant's home, a mixed blessing if I ever saw one. (Had to wonder how my local gym would feel if I sauntered in one day with Jillian in tow, ready to teach me how to really charge up my workouts using what is at hand...) But what I learned from watching this episode is that if I continue to be a person who feels that certain unhealthy foods will make me feel better, will 'fix' my life, then I will continue to seek them out.
I'm ashamed to admit this, but sometimes I find myself strolling the aisles at the grocery store, looking for that certain food that will 'cure' whatever lousy mood I'm in at the time, be it grief, a hard day at work, or simply unable to deal with the MEN in my life that particular day. I see other people engaged in this behaviour at the mall, wondering if they really need that new dress or that new Christmas decoration for their home, or if they're just trying to fill an empty space in their life. Ironically, I don't do that for material things, possiblly because I live in a small house, and if I buy something new, I have to get rid of something old. And I can go into any department store or hardware store, seek out the one or two things I need, buy them and leave. Yet only recently I have realized I walk up and down the entire grocery store, sometimes more than once, seeking that perfect combo of sweet and crunchy, that will make me forget my pain. And no, I don't toss out old food if I buy something new when it comes to food. But for most of my adult life, I've felt that food is my friend and will make me feel better, and these types of old friendships are hard to give up.
From past episodes, I have learned that your 'favorite' person doesn't always come out on top. Everyone seems very likeable this year, and I want to root for all of them; this is unlike some of the contestants I have seen in the past, who didn't seem to be able to get along with others or play fair. I've also learned that the person who seems to work out the most, who I feel deserves kudos for all the sweat equity, doesn't always lose the most amount of weight. Sometimes the scale is tricky, and someone who doesn't seem to put in as much effort loses more weight, so you can't compare your journey to someone else's. I have also learned that, at least this year, these people are in this obese condition because they let themselves go; they stopped 'loving' themselves for a period of time, due to laziness, depression, grief, etc. I'm sure every single one of them wishes they could do it over, and stop their downward slide into obesity before it got so bad; I wish the same thing. I wish I could have looked into the future and known that this weight-loss journey would be so hard, due to physical limitations such as bad knees; and due to emotional limitations such as feeling I 'deserve' to eat whatever I want because I'm an adult and nobody can tell me what to do.
So today is a new day, a new chance to get it right. A new chance to remind myself that I'm not the person I used to be, that I can let go of past mistakes and past hurts. And even if life doesn't go my way this day, I can get through it without trolling the aisles of the grocery store for that 'magical' food that will cure me. God bless!
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Just charted my BMI, via SP, and it said I'm at 36.4. That is considered obese. I've never really thought of myself that way...
The article also said that youíre at your ideal body weight when:
Your weight isnít causing (or putting you at risk for) any health problems
Your weight doesn't limit you from living the life you want
You can accept your body as it is, without feeling uncomfortably self-conscious
You can enjoy being in your own skin, without worrying too much about how you compare
to others (or cultural ideals)
I can accept my body as it is, or maybe I've just gotten used to it? My looks have never really bothered me like they do most women, as I decided a long time ago that I'm just not the pretty type. And I don't spend a lot of time compaing myself to others; there just doesn't seem to be a need, since I can't change how I look. My weight doesn't limit how I live my life, because I've always been the type to do what I want anyway, no matter how silly it looks.
I do have to admit, tho' that my weight is putting me at risk for health problems, mainly bad knees. I would have had bad knees anyway, as I have arthritis all over my body. But knees take the brunt of our weight on a daily basis, and mine would probably feel a bit better if I weren't carry so much poundage. I guess I just don't like the idea that I'm officially considered obese. It gives one such lousy mental pictures of gluttony, spilling out of clothes, not fitting in airline seats, not being able to find a dress for a special occasion. (OK, that last one hits home, since my #1 son is engaged now.)
So this is one more reason to continue on this journey, to not give up. I'll check in with this every couple of months, just to keep track of how I'm doing.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
I fell off the no-added-sugar wagon last night. I opened the fridge and unthinkingly took a couple of slugs of Nick's rootbeer. The can right was in front of me and even though I'm not a big rootbeer fan, it was open and I picked it up. The 2nd sip got halfway into my mouth before I realized what I was doing..
This brings up a lot of interesting issues. How many times a day do we, meaning me, but maybe some others, put food or drink into our mouths without thinking about it. How many times have we walked past the candy dish or the Munchkin box and snuck in a few pieces, especially if it's easy to eat like M&Ms. How many times do we eat or drink something we don't really care for, just because its available, instead of holding onto our calories for what we really want. How many times do we, meaning ME, figure that a few extra calories here or there don't count, or think that if it was something I didn't like, I don't have to log it? (But I really am honest with the logging while doing the challenges ~ it's the inbetween times I tend to get a little sloppy!)
And how many times do we make one little error, and throw in the towel... How many times do we make a bad choice for lunch and decide that the day is a total loss, and we'll pick it up again tomorrow, or next Monday, or maybe never. Frankly, the thought of giving up on SP and going back to the way I was terrifies me. I may have lost a mere 36# in almost two years, but I worked hard for those pounds to disappear. (And nobody needs to tell me that 36 is NOT a small amount, but compared to my eventual goal, I'm only about a third of the way there...) I don't want those pounds to come back, I don't want to have to buy bigger clothes, and I don't want to lose the mobility I have gained by shedding some of my excess weight.
So I will not wallow in my slip-up! (Notice I call it a slip-up, not a major transgression!) I am already back on the SP wagon ~ have been since about 2 seconds after I drank. But the lessons I learned, and the hard thinking I've done since I've joined this life-saving team of Sparksters (Thanks, Chris Downey!) has changed how I think about myself, and how I treat myself. So onward and upward!
(I don't know ~ is this too mushy?)
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Cookies and browning and apple cake... oh my!! Had the monthly women's group meeting last night, and those are the treats I was tempted with. It's like a mini dessert buffet every time we get together. But I held it together, and had some cheese and crackers, and apple cider, which I know has sugar, but less than if I had some coffee. Plus I watered it down. (And I couldn't eat apple cake and pretend it was good for me because it had fruit in it, like I used to do...)
But this is a prime example of how our mind-set is decided before we get to an event, because we know there are going to be goodies. I had gotten to the point where I barely ate any dinner, maybe none at all, because I knew there would be two tables of goodies. But last night I enjoyed my dinner, but also left a little room for treats. I know I can't make these before-decisions all the time. Life is not set up that way. But, hopefully, I'm getting more experienced at making better decisions when face with this sort of calorie opportunity.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Passing up the candy corn at work today was easy ~ I don't care for it anyway and haven't eaten any in years. Passing up the homemade oatmeal raisins cookies was much tougher. They're my favorite, and I could eat them every day. One way I coped was to tell the construction guys, as I passed them out, that I was going sugar-free until turkey day. No way I would embarrass myself in front of them by going back on my word...
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