BEELALA93   4,083
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BEELALA93's Recent Blog Entries

The Beautiful Countryside

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Yesterday I went for a lovely autumn walk with my mum and our dogs. It was great to be out in the fresh, crisp air and I thought I'd share some photos with you. It was a beautiful day!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICIA214 11/13/2013 6:19PM


Nature at her best... emoticon

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-POLEDANCEGIRL- 11/13/2013 5:37PM

    Very pretty!

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Beauty Blog!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Hey everyone!

Just a quick post to give you the address for my beauty/fashion/lifestyle blog:

Would love if you could give it a quick look.

Let me know what you think!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ERINLINDSAY83 11/13/2013 11:35AM

    I will definitely check it out!

Check mine if you have a free moment!


Enjoy the rest of your week!

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I'm back and ready to lose the last stone (ish)!

Sunday, November 10, 2013


It has been AGES! I haven't signed on here in months - probably like, 7 or something stupid. But for some reason, today is the day I come back. Here's an update:

Negative things:
- I battled with the early signs of an eating disorder. emoticon emoticon
- I broke up with my boyfriend. emoticon
- I got put on anti-depressants. emoticon
- I passed the Access course at college with distinctions in everything. emoticon
- I got into university to study history of art and design. emoticon
- I turned 20 years old. emoticon
- I got my nose pierced. emoticon
- I moved to another city for university. emoticon
- I dropped out of university. emoticon emoticon
- I moved back home. emoticon emoticon
- I didn't lose any weight, but didn't put any back on either. emoticon emoticon

So, there's a very speedy update of the last few months - you can ask any questions below as I know for sure none of that is very clear.

For the first time in my life, I have no idea what's going to happen next so the next year is going to be spent deciding on that. I would love to take up photography and maybe do my degree in that instead - it's way more creative which is something I crave. I start learning to drive on wednesday next week so wish me luck with that.

As far as weight is concerned, I fluctuate between 144 and 147lbs, and ideally I'd like to be somewhere between 120 and 130, so I'm going to start working towards that again. I have a lot of time on my hands at the moment so I've got no excuses.

So that's me!
How are you?

Have a picture update:

And a link to my beauty blog:

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SETTIMIA 11/10/2013 6:44AM

    Well done, for coming back


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Sorting my life out!

Monday, March 04, 2013

Hey everyone.

Thank you so much for all your support on my last blog post. It's a tough time but I'm getting through it.

I did go and see a doctor but it was the most awful and embarrassing experience. She dismissed everything I'd told her and blamed my being upset on 'hormones'. Needless to say, I was NOT happy with my treatment and I've moved to a different doctor.

I'm having counselling to try and help with my problems with eating and my obsession with being 'thin', and I'm trying to eat as much as I can, even if I have feelings of guilt alongside it. I've maintained the same weight for about a month, which although doesn't feel great, I've stop the out of control weight loss which is positive.

Everyone on this site is wonderful, so thank you, thank you, thank you!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GHOSTFLAMES 3/4/2013 4:15AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Owning up - Eating disorder?

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Hello everyone.
Hope you all had lovely Christmas's. Mine was really nice, getting together with the family is always great. I was thoroughly spoiled by my fabulous relatives and I feel very lucky!

This blog post, unfortunately, is a bit more serious than some of my others. I've decided to write this post so I can own up to a few things, things have surfaced quite recently.

My last post was a celebratory one, I was sharing with you all that I was about 12lbs away from my goal weight. Although this is still something positive, the truth behind it isn't so positive.

Since about September (sporadically for a while before), I've developed some rather unhealthy habits, habits meaning I've been strictly restricting what I eat. Starving myself.

It all came out about a month ago when I had a panic attack before I was supposed to be meeting a friend for dinner. I was so scared about having to choose food in public and eat in front of somebody that I completely freaked out. It resulted in me confiding to my mum and then proceeding to vomit periodically on the car journey home.

I can't say exactly how much weight I've lost, since I'm not exactly sure how much I weighed before this started, but it's quite noticeable. A lot of people have commented on my appearance, some positively which in a way triggers my behaviour and encourages me to continue because they say I'm looking good, but some negatively, people saying I look bony around my face and that I'm wasting away.

I think it started not even as me deliberately trying to lose weight quickly. It was more like, "oh okay, I don't NEED this much food", "I can go without dinner tonight", which spiralled quickly into living off half a plate of food a day.

I'm scared of food. I'm scared of gaining weight. I'm scared of not losing anymore weight.

The difficult thing is that I still have 6lbs to lose before I'm technically in a comfortable position within a healthy BMI. I need to find a healthy balance where I can still lose that last little bit of weight and tone up, yet not go too far and become sick. I'm also not dangerously underweight so I don't think seeing a doctor is a possibility. I hate doing this though. I've been lying to people so I can cover all this up. I'm worrying my family and my boyfriend. It's all got a bit out of hand.

But basically, I'm pretty unhappy.
I don't really know what to do next.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

4LEEFCLOVER 1/26/2013 1:13PM

    Such a beautiful young woman you are - at all sizes! And brave too! It is great that you've been able to tell your mother about your anxiety and eating behavior. Keep in mind that many people won't really understand what you think and feel, unless they have a similar experience, and they may, with good intentions, offer advice that you may feel worse about. My understanding is that eating disorders are not so much about the food, but more about a sense of control. It is essential to get professional support as you work your way through this, and find a way to walk in balance with yourself and your environment. Sparkpeople is a great place to be, as it is not so much a place for people to lose weight, but to learn and create a healthy lifestyle. This is a lifetime journey, so get the support and tools you need to enjoy and go where you want to in life. Doing this is a sign of strength, not weakness. Often it takes more than one try, so know this as you begin, and keep going. You are worth it!

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BEELALA93 12/31/2012 4:19AM

    Thank you for your advice and support everyone, I'm going to see a doctor in the new year. You're all really lovely.

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RICKISMOM1 12/27/2012 4:09PM

    I agree with most of those above--- see a doctor!!!!

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OBIESMOM2 12/27/2012 11:04AM

    I would talk to your doc. Eating disorders are really scary. Once they take hold, it's a life long battle from what I've heard & read.

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CHICCHANTAL 12/27/2012 5:58AM

    I would see a doctor for professional advice to get this nipped in the bud, right now. And where losing the extra six pounds is concerned - you have as long as you want to do it in. Remember, it's up to you.

All the best!

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CHANGINGSAM 12/26/2012 4:25PM

    From the sound of it, it sounds like you may have an eating disorder. However, I am no doctor which is why I suggest you see one. You may not be underweight; however, you don't want this to continue to the point where you are. The longer this continues, the harder it is going to be to get back to being healthy.

I know it's tough, but food isn't our enemy. It fuels us with the energy we need to get through the day. Try thinking of it in that sense, but again, I highly recommend seeing a doctor before things get worse. I'm ALWAYS here if you need a friend. emoticon

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BEELALA93 12/26/2012 4:09PM

    Stonecot - At the moment I'm eating more than I was before, however it's still not enough. I'm trying really hard but it gets me in such a stress.

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STONECOT 12/26/2012 4:04PM

    Did you manage to eat fairly normally with your family at Christmas? If you did, then you are not out of control and can still get control back. If so you need to be very careful to eat small meals when everyone else is eating. That should be enough to keep you slowly losing. If you can't manage to do that, then I think you may need professional help, you can't afford to go too far down that road.

Good luck.

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