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BELLAWHIMSIES's Recent Blog Entries

Quick observation of my overheating habit.

Friday, October 29, 2010

I often have a problem with bingeing in the evening after work and tonight it occurred to me what the associated feeling is; hoplessness. Don't get me wrong, I'm very fortunate and grateful for the many blessings in my life. What I'm getting at, is something (anything) which has happened in the day that has shaken my faith in myself & my ability to ever be a "success". By contrast, on a night when I come home feeling secure, I have no desire whatsoever, to overeat. For example, there are pounds of Halloween candy on the table right in front of me and I haven't had the urge to eat a single piece. I wish I knew how to CREATE that feeling of security for myself, when I need it most.


Struggle & Progress...

Friday, July 30, 2010

Although all of the tools I need are right here, I have for the most part, avoided exercise & made poor eating choices.

I know I'm not thinking clearly because my actions are so obviously not helping me. So I've been working on fixing my thinking and figuring out what is behind my compulsive eating.

In reading Geneen Roth's latest book, I found a passage that hit home:

"Weight loss is the easy part; anytime you truly listen to your hunger and fullness, you lose weight. But...compulsive eating is basically a refusal to be fully alive... We live lives of deprivation. And when we can't stand it any longer, we binge."

I KNOW this is true. When I reach for junk food I know I am avoiding something I should be paying attention to & turning my back on myself. Right now I'm so out of touch with my real feelings that I neither know what I'm avoiding nor what I want to pursue.

I have hope though. I know I can do this even though I'm not sure how just yet. In the meantime I continue to show up here everday & that in itself is progress.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THEBATGIRL 7/30/2010 12:40PM

    Sounds like a good way to figure out what is up with your eating habit. btw, love the 'just show up on the mat' comment!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GENKI_WARRIOR 7/30/2010 9:54AM

    It's definitely progress! As my yoga teacher via dvd (lol) says: just show up on the mat! We all start at that point where we don't have a clue how we will get to where we want to be I stay there because there's always something else to pursue, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.
Keep being present!

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YMUNDERWOOD 7/30/2010 4:05AM

    Great blog. I like he insight you gained from reading that passage in that book. Keeping on trying to realize what it is thag holding you back as you you try to reach your goal of a healthy wieght.

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BECCA_ANNE 7/30/2010 2:59AM

    Keep digging to figure out what is holding you back. I hope that you can find the key to turn to unlock the motivation you need! emoticon

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Geneen Roth on Oprah today.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

It's been a long time since I've watched Oprah but I'm glad I caught her today. She was presenting Geneen's latest book. I was actually in tears a couple of times because of how close to home it hit.
During my months on SparkPeople I have continued to show up each day logging in for points, recording water intake, reading articles & checking on my friend feed. I'm still not eating right or exercising regularly, though. I know all of the tools that I need are right here but until I do the real work to change my thinking about food, my body, my life, I'm not going to be able to move forward.
For now though, as long as I keep showing up, I know I'm at least not moving backwards. I'm starting over at the beginnning and reworking the action steps & with the support of you all, I know I can do this.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THEBATGIRL 7/13/2010 4:11AM

    Hey, don't feel bad. Slowly, but surely you will get there in your on time and on your own terms.

I joined in Feb, peeked at it in May and finally kept the nutrition tracker over June. Asked for some help and got some feedback on my nutrition tracker,signed up on some Team goals, read and commented on blogs like yours. Now am getting into it and thinking... hmmmm.. had this started in Feb, would have been at least 10 lbs lighter by now! But I wasn't ready then so it doesn't matter:)!

Just take it in and soon it will take you in too!

Best of luck!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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My experience with Nutrition Tracking vs. Compulsive Eating

Sunday, June 20, 2010

I'm still very new to SparkPeople, starting on 4/29/10. I used the Nutrition Tracker religiously and stayed within the guidelines for the most part - but only for the 1st 2 weeks! That has always been my pattern. Two weeks of concentrated effort and then I lose my motivation & quit.
I eat compulsively, so after my 1st binge that was it, I quit tracking. I didn't give up on SparkPeople though. I knew I had to stick with it and take advantage of the other tools.
The Compulsive Eaters team had a goal of going 21 days without bingeing. I tried but didn't make it a week. Rather than beating myself up as I have in the past, I continued to look for motivation & support.
I found the suggestion that I journal my reasons for eating. After almost 2 weeks of journaling I've had several binges and on fully half of the days I did some amount of emotional overeating. Seeing in print how frequently I overeat when left on my own has given me the motivation to start using the Nutrition Tracker again.
I am serious about doing what it takes to lose my excess weight. It has taken decades to get in this condition and I understand that it will take time to fix. I intend to take it slow &easy and get it right. Sometimes that means I won't eat as well as I should or get as much exercise as is recommended because I am focusing on the patterns that got me here and learning how to achieve permanent, sustainable change.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HONEYBEEZ 6/20/2010 4:45AM

    Way to go on your insights....that's a great help to those of us who are compulsive overeaters. While I don't suggest that beginners try to do the 21 days challenge for staying binge-free, since it can be way overwhelming, I do suggest trying it one day at a time...or one moment at a time. That's what we do in this program. I may not be able to abstain from compulsive eating for a week...but I may be able to do it "Just for today."

You've got a good start on understanding yourself and how you relate to compulsive eating. I encourage you to keep journaling, and to use your nutrition tracker...not as an instrument of guilt (I know how that works), but just like to journal, use it to take an honest inventory of what you are eating and when. At the bottom of the nutrition tracker for the day is a place for any notes...I sometimes use this when I've had a rough day, and difficulties with my eating behaviors or feelings/emotions while eating.

Keep up the good work. emoticon

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JBINAUSTIN 6/20/2010 12:40AM

    I think not bingeing for 21 consecutive days is for folks with more time in the program. I recommend that you check out the SP Fast Break program. It starts you out with really small changes and you work your way up to big changes gradually.

Journaling seems to have given you some good insights and motivation to keep up with tracking food--I hope that keeps working for you. Tracking worked for me. Just logging everything (even binges) has been really helpful to me.

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Today I am renewing my commitment to myself & my goals!

Friday, May 14, 2010

I understand now that it will get hard to keep going forward sometimes. It might even be impossible if I were doing this alone. Thanks for believing in me when I forgot to believe in myself. I'm SO grateful for all of the support & encouragement!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARMEN_819 5/14/2010 9:07PM

    Way to go girl. Years from now, you'll look back and realize you have all this down like second nature. It will be a 'piece of cake'. Ok. Maybe a clean eating recipe piece of carrot cake.

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