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Lunch? Who needs it? ME! lol

Thursday, December 06, 2012

Man I am feeling so burnt out right now. Not on my diet at least but my job. I still haven't gotten my treadmill fixed because their customer support center closes at 4 and I don't get off work until 4 and I haven't been able to take a lunch at all this week. FML haha But at least I'm still eating in range and my job requires a lot of walking & I'm usually on my feet pretty much all day so I am getting some exercise even if I'm not running like I want to to train for my 5k. I signed up for a 5k in March. I'm not sure if I said anything about that in my last blog or not? It's in Omaha. I want to be able to run the whole time. I've got 4 months so hopefully that'll be long enough to get back into shape. haha Hopefully I'll be able to take a lunch tomorrow after I get my poults delivered & call customer service & get my treadmill fixed. If I do I'll be on it tomorrow night getting my 5k training on! I'm so excited to get back into running! haha

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECOMING_HOLLY 1/7/2013 6:54PM

    How is the emoticon training going?

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    YES, a 5k! I'm going to sign up for another too to help me get back in the swing of things. I'm starting C25K allllll over again. But it's kind of fun to re-visit. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. :) I think signing up for something is a great idea, and March is just far enough away to totally be prepared for it!

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JUSTLIKEALICE 12/23/2012 2:18AM

    Hope everything is working out! Happy Holidays! ;)

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BETHEUNICORN 12/7/2012 3:17PM

    Thanks ladies!

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RACHAEL8605 12/6/2012 7:46PM

    Good luck on the training.
Keep up the great work!


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CATTUTT 12/6/2012 7:24PM

    Hope you get your treadmill fixed soon, that must be frustrating as hell! And good luck with your 5k training!


Comment edited on: 12/6/2012 7:24:37 PM

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Monday, December 03, 2012

Ya know I'm really getting tired of writing all these "OMG I'm gonna do this!" blogs with me being all pumped up and then just being a total fail & not doing what I say I'm going to do. I hate to write "oh I'm going to do it this time" because I'm tired of telling myself that & I'm sure people are tired of reading it. I'm not going to say anything from now on I'm just going to do it. Last week I started counting calories & eating right again. I was rewarded by losing 3 lbs this week. I'm happy with the loss but I'm not really excited about it. I've gained 20 lbs since the last time I recorded my weight on here. The other day I weighed in at a whopping 230.4 lbs. UGH! I'm so disappointed with myself. I'm at 227.4 lbs as of Saturday morning but all I can think is "ugh I still have another almost 30 lbs to lose before I get down to a new low. :( I got down to 199 & I don't even remember what happened but from that point on I have just been gaining or maintaining. I was at 199 at the beginning of March. So the entire rest of this year has just been a complete waste! I have gained 30 lbs in the last 8 months instead of losing. What a total bummer!

Okay so now I've gotten my whining out of the way I'm going to try to make the rest of this blog positive. Today I went to the mall & bought myself a new workout outfit as well as a new pair of running shoes. I bought the Brooks Ghost 5's. I've had the Ravenna 2's and the Trance 11's. I love my Brooks. I will probably never run in another brand of shoes. I also bought an UA shirt, some pants and socks. I love my UA stuff too. haha Under Armor & Brooks. Those are my brands right there. lol There's not much that gets me more motivated than buying a new running outfit. I'm trying to get back on the horse slowly because I have a habit of getting too "gung-ho" with my goals & try to do too much too fast & burn myself out or end up getting hurt. So I started eating right last week so this week I'm reintroducing the exercise. I'm starting the Run For Your Lives 5k trainer app tomorrow. I'm just going to do that MWF. And I'm thinking about adding an extra day of exercise once a week or maybe every 2 weeks until I'm back to 5/6 days of exercise. I'm also thinking about trying to find a personal trainer. I need someone to help hold me accountable & since I don't know anyone here I'm thinking a trainer is really my best bet. I'm not 100% sure yet though. I have a treadmill & ST equipment at my house so I don't really want to have to join a gym & I'm thinking I'll probably have to in order to work with a trainer. So idk. I have 2 weddings to be in next year & I really want to be in better shape before. One is in June & the other is tentatively planned for December. By next December I can be at my goal weight, by June I can be really close. I want to get back into running again as well. It's something I was really passionate about & I don't know what happened to that passion. It just faded away. I need to get it back. I just signed up for a 5k for March 22nd 2013. That way I have about 4 months to train. Hopefully I will be able to run the whole time in it but if I have to run/walk that will be fine. I just need something to work toward. I just need to get this done. I know what to do & I know I can do it if I just would. It's so hard, but it is so worth it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROW2013 1/11/2013 10:05AM

    I happened upon your sparkpage and I think you are doing so well!I think getting back on the horse slowly is a really sensible way to do it! I hope the 5K training is going well!! :)

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MUSCLEADDICT32 12/3/2012 6:44AM

    You sound just like ME!!! Glad you are back at it! I missed you! Btw, I gained 21 lbs back since my surgery in August and have lost 9 of that in a few weeks. Pisses me off but I keep trying. We can do this!!!!!! emoticon

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    It is so hard, but it is soooo worth it!!! It doesn't matter that you've written many 'this iis it!' blogs before....what matters is that you KEEP on trying and going for it. emoticon

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Wow has it really been 2 months?

Monday, October 15, 2012

Wow I really can't believe that it's been 2 months since I've been on SparkPeople. That's crazy. :( I have really missed it. My computer was broken for a while but honestly I had stopped logging in way before that. I have really been struggling a lot. Ever since I moved out here to the middle of nowhere I have been fighting just to keep my head above water. Luckily my weight has remained constant at about 210. But I could have been at my goal weight by now. :-/ I'm trying to not get too depressed but it's proving really hard. I hate my job. I hate where I live. I dated a really nice, sweet, great guy for a month before he decided to throw me to the curb & date other women. I just feel like I'm taking hit after hit here & I'm tired of it. I want my old spirit back! I get it back sometimes for brief periods & I'll be doing really good until something happens & I get all upset again & just go back to my regular routine. I just feel overwhelmed all the time. I really wish I was one of those people that quit eating when I was depressed or stressed but I'm not. I am a stress eater for sure as I've written about before in my last blog. I just feel like I have so much stuff that I need to be working on & I don't even know what to do first. I want to get to my goal weight so I want to diet. But I also want to go out & be with people & that usually involves food or alcohol or both which is not so conducive to dieting. Then I need to be trying to figure out what I'm going to do after the next 6 months because I want to quit this job & find something else. Only problem is I have no idea what I want to do. :( *sigh* haha For now I am going to try to get back into dieting. I started this morning but then I had a bad day & went out for Mexican for dinner. Dangit! haha So I'm going to retry again tomorrow & not let myself do this again.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HIGHDESERTGURL 10/16/2012 6:27PM

    I had a few set backs too. I've lost 3 grandparents in the last 9 months and it's been pretty stressful. But......I"m ready to get back at it and I'm glad to see you are too!!! I'm shooting for ONEderland by the end of the year. We got this :)

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MRSSMITH811 10/16/2012 10:35AM

    Remember that what you put in your body is something of your control. You can't control men that you date or that your job may suck but your health is all your control. You decide if you have had enough of being this way. It took someone else in my life pointing out my unhealthy weight for me to finally get off my butt and do something about it. I still have a long way to go but it will get done 1 pound at a time. That drink or plate of nachos is not worth the guilt that it brings. Push through it. You can do it! Sparkpeople is a great source for motivation if you are ever lacking. Feel free to message me if you ever need to chat.

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Stress eating

Monday, August 06, 2012

This weeks challenge for BLC 15 is perfect for me. I have been letting stress kick my butt. I am a serious stress eater. When I get stressed out I go straight into binge mode. Food is a pacifier for me. I need to find something to replace it with. I've tried to replace it with exercise but usually when I'm super stressed out all I want to do is sleep & I can't convince myself to exercise. I wish writing helped. haha Work has been pure hell the past few days but in keeping with my promise to myself that I would see the good in any bad situation I have to say that at least I am averaging 7-10 miles of walking every day at work. LOL! So maybe that will help offset my binging the past 2 days. I doubt it'll help too much. I'm pretty sure I've consumed between 6 & 8k calories these last 2 days. I sound like such a broken record! I am constantly complaining about the same old stuff. I keep hoping that I will learn my lesson & cut this crap out. I keep thinking that eventually I will adapt to the stress I'm under now so that this isn't so stressful to me anymore. I still believe that will happen eventually but in the meantime I need to find a better coping mechanism other than eating whatever I want. haha At least this time I snapped out of it before I let it continue for weeks like I did before.

I want to wear a cute costume for Halloween dangit & I'm not going to be comfortable in anything I deem as cute if I don't stop stuffing my face & start getting this weight off! I did really well the week before last with weight loss. I did well last week until Saturday afternoon. Which was the day after I had 55k turkeys delivered & was freaking out because they were dying like flies & I couldn't figure out why. Now we're thinking it is salmonella contamination from the hatchery. But I didn't know that on Saturday & I couldn't get a hold of my boss or anyone else to help me figure out what to do. When you are responsible for that much money & living creatures it's just a tad stressful. lol So Saturday night I had pizza & cheesesticks for dinner because I didn't have the chance to eat lunch & I was starving. Sunday I didn't work but I decided I wanted to go get Mexican food. So I had fajitas. Then today I went back for Mexican. It was a similar day to Friday. Working nonstop all day with no lunch break. 6am - 6pm no time for lunch & then I'm starving & got Mexican. Then I wanted cake. *sigh* Now I feel disgusting.

Well some good news is my size 16's are too big again. I was wearing them again when I gained back that 20 lbs but now that I've got 10 lbs back off they're too big again. So YAY! to that. I refuse to fit into them again. That's why I've got to get my situation under control.

I'm going to try doing my relaxation every night. Where I read for 30 minutes before I go to bed. I tried to do that last night but couldn't get through one whole page before I was too sleepy & just turned the light off & went to bed. lol

We were asked to write about our triggers for this weekly challenge also. Well here is my list of trigger foods that I am not allowed to have in the house:

1. nut butters of any kind
2. Oreo's
3. cake - any kind
4. ice cream (I can handle preportioned amounts but I can't have a whole 1/2 gallon)
5. pizza

As I've already mentioned (numerous times haha) work stress is a huge trigger for me to binge eat. Also I'm sure my lack of sleep isn't helping either. I just feel like there isn't enough time in the day. After I work 10 hours & get home I don't really have time to do anything but eat dinner then go to bed if I want to get 8 hours of sleep. Because if I want to get 8 hours of sleep I have to go to bed at like 9! It's not even dark yet & I can't convince my body it's time to sleep. lol

Anyway I guess that's all I have to say for now. Here is an adorable picture of my new little brats. ;)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MUSCLEADDICT32 8/9/2012 7:34AM

    I'm a stress eater as well AND manage a Dairy Queen!!! When I don't plan my meals and am craving something and am working....WATCH OUT!!! LOL! Take it one day at a time and don't beat yourself up. Just keep going! emoticon emoticon


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RCW0442EHS 8/8/2012 5:37PM

    Well done. You did exactly what this challenge meant for you to do. Now you have written down in one place what you deem the cause of a problem you want to overcome. I think in knowing what triggers your poorer eating choices then you have the first tool in changing that behavior. Don't stop here, try to think of ways to counter the problems, think of alternative activities you can do and other things along those lines. Work schedules are a hard one to overcome because it's not likely to change so you'll have to change but, you can do it. From what you wrote you sound to me like you know what you want so it also means you have it within you to get it. And, thanks for the picture, I got my daily dose of cute so I can be in a good mood :-).

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LIABOOTY 8/7/2012 7:12AM


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AMBER281 8/6/2012 10:49PM

    Good luck!!
I am a stress eater too.

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Monday, July 30, 2012

Well today turned out to be a pretty great Monday. Work has calmed down a lot since I got a new guy hired. *whew* So I spent most of today catching up on backed up paperwork. Blegh! But it kept me busy all day so I didn't have to do anything too hard. lol

I have been feeling pretty depressed lately, lots of stuff running through my mind. Like, "I HATE this job!", "I miss my friends & family! I don't know anybody here!", "I've gained so much weight!", "I'm so lonely. I don't understand. I've lost over 100 lbs but still no one finds me attractive!?" All kinds of stuff that is not healthy for my emotional health which then affects my physical health because I'm the kind of person that when I feel overwhelmed or upset I say "F*** it!", throw my hands in the air and stomp off. Lol! I get caught in the downward spiral so easily sometimes. I've been a lot better at recognizing when the current starts getting swift & swimming out before I get sucked down into the whirlpool. But lately I guess I had let my guard down & just got sucked right back down into my little pity party. So I get upset & then I have the mentality of "Oh man all this stuff is going on I feel so overwhelmed I don't want to waste even more mental energy with counting calories or planning exercise." Then I just quit everything. No more exercise. Eating everything in sight that I want, even some stuff I don't want! Then I gain weight. Then I get more depressed that I've gained the weight & that just reinforces my f*** it attitude. I'm sure some of you have been there before too. It's so so so hard to pull out of that. Really the only thing that works to help pull me out is exercise. Even if my diet starts out as crap if I start exercising I start feeling better & I don't want to waste all that hard work running on the treadmill by eating myself into a food coma.

Well I guess I got a little off track there. But what I really wanted to say is that I was talking to a friend of mine who is going through a hard time right now & it really put a new perspective on my "struggles." I may hate my job but at least I have one & it is a good paying job with a lot of nice perks. I should be more grateful. There are a lot of people out there who are unemployed and would be more than happy to take my place in a heartbeat. All I have to do is stick it out for a few months & I've pretty much been guaranteed a promotion. I'm just being an impatient brat & I need to get over myself. As for missing family & friends I will get to see them in 2 months. I will survive that long. And I need to quit complaining about not knowing anyone when I'm not willing to go out to meet anyone. Well it's not really that I'm not willing it's more like I just don't know where to go. haha But I'm not making much of an effort to find out. I need to quit whining about all that stuff anyway & just focus on getting myself in the best shape of my life.

I am working on being a better me every single day. I am going to work on being more grateful for all the things that I do have instead of concentrating on everything that I don't. I am going to make sure that I live the the rest of this year to the fullest so that when 2013 rolls around I won't have one single regret! I know there will still be days when I get down on myself but I will quit dwelling on the the things that bother me. Instead I will try & figure out a positive side to it & if I can't find anything positive about it I will do my best to change it. As I see it now there is nothing in my life that doesn't have some positive spin.

Holy crap! I'm actually happy & content for the first time in a LONG time. Feels pretty good. :)

Hope everyone had a good Monday!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GEMINIGEM6 8/6/2012 9:54PM

    I totally can relate to this. It's almost an 'all or nothing' attitude which always gets us in trouble. I'm glad you were able to put everything in perspective. I remember watching a Dr. Phil episode one day and he was talking to a lady saying how she catastrophized everything. I think we as ppl tend to do that in new situations. Everything seems bigger or worse than it really is. Believe me, I am talking from experience here. I just moved back to my hometown due to health issues. I've been gone so long I don't know anyone here anymore and I get really lonely and bored. Not to mention I left Atlanta which is a happening town, I left my friends, my job I was at for 13 years, etc. So imagine how I catastrophize that on a daily basis! I am working on being more positive but it's hard when I feel like crap a lot. We can get through these changes girl! :) Holland

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LLBLOVER 8/4/2012 1:49PM

    Keep it up! You have done an amazing job so far, even with the current setback. The fact is, you're here now, and that's what matters! I am sure you will accomplish your goals this year!

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BETHIEBOOPS 7/31/2012 11:36AM

    Your attitude is inspiring. There is SOOO much to be grateful for in these beautiful lives we live!

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AMBER281 7/31/2012 10:47AM

    Its funny how talking to other people really puts our own struggles into perspective.

You have a wonderful attitude. You can do it!

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CUPCAKEHARLOT 7/31/2012 9:43AM

    Your attitude is absolutely inspiring! emoticon

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BRAVENEWGRL 7/30/2012 10:01PM

    It's funny how things change when we shift our perspective! Glad you are counting your blessings...

And you have the Spark community routing for you!

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PATTOMMC3 7/30/2012 8:39PM


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MONTREAL12 7/30/2012 8:34PM

  emoticon You're on track! Keep it going

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