Monday, July 30, 2012
Well today turned out to be a pretty great Monday. Work has calmed down a lot since I got a new guy hired. *whew* So I spent most of today catching up on backed up paperwork. Blegh! But it kept me busy all day so I didn't have to do anything too hard. lol
I have been feeling pretty depressed lately, lots of stuff running through my mind. Like, "I HATE this job!", "I miss my friends & family! I don't know anybody here!", "I've gained so much weight!", "I'm so lonely. I don't understand. I've lost over 100 lbs but still no one finds me attractive!?" All kinds of stuff that is not healthy for my emotional health which then affects my physical health because I'm the kind of person that when I feel overwhelmed or upset I say "F*** it!", throw my hands in the air and stomp off. Lol! I get caught in the downward spiral so easily sometimes. I've been a lot better at recognizing when the current starts getting swift & swimming out before I get sucked down into the whirlpool. But lately I guess I had let my guard down & just got sucked right back down into my little pity party. So I get upset & then I have the mentality of "Oh man all this stuff is going on I feel so overwhelmed I don't want to waste even more mental energy with counting calories or planning exercise." Then I just quit everything. No more exercise. Eating everything in sight that I want, even some stuff I don't want! Then I gain weight. Then I get more depressed that I've gained the weight & that just reinforces my f*** it attitude. I'm sure some of you have been there before too. It's so so so hard to pull out of that. Really the only thing that works to help pull me out is exercise. Even if my diet starts out as crap if I start exercising I start feeling better & I don't want to waste all that hard work running on the treadmill by eating myself into a food coma.
Well I guess I got a little off track there. But what I really wanted to say is that I was talking to a friend of mine who is going through a hard time right now & it really put a new perspective on my "struggles." I may hate my job but at least I have one & it is a good paying job with a lot of nice perks. I should be more grateful. There are a lot of people out there who are unemployed and would be more than happy to take my place in a heartbeat. All I have to do is stick it out for a few months & I've pretty much been guaranteed a promotion. I'm just being an impatient brat & I need to get over myself. As for missing family & friends I will get to see them in 2 months. I will survive that long. And I need to quit complaining about not knowing anyone when I'm not willing to go out to meet anyone. Well it's not really that I'm not willing it's more like I just don't know where to go. haha But I'm not making much of an effort to find out. I need to quit whining about all that stuff anyway & just focus on getting myself in the best shape of my life.
I am working on being a better me every single day. I am going to work on being more grateful for all the things that I do have instead of concentrating on everything that I don't. I am going to make sure that I live the the rest of this year to the fullest so that when 2013 rolls around I won't have one single regret! I know there will still be days when I get down on myself but I will quit dwelling on the the things that bother me. Instead I will try & figure out a positive side to it & if I can't find anything positive about it I will do my best to change it. As I see it now there is nothing in my life that doesn't have some positive spin.
Holy crap! I'm actually happy & content for the first time in a LONG time. Feels pretty good. :)
Hope everyone had a good Monday!