Monday, July 15, 2013
I am trying to recover from my family's visit this past week. I love my children and my grandchildren. I was so looking forward to their visit, but to my surprise, I was equally as glad to see them head back home yesterday.
I have been trying to understand my feelings. Part of it is having lived by myself for the past 3 years. I have gotten used to the solitude and I rather like it. I can't deal with all the chaos that is my children's lives as well as I once did.
I love my grandchildren, but I just don't have the energy that I had 10 years ago when my little redhead was born. I have been so whipped since they left, I didn't even want to ride my bike.
I think the biggest reason I was happy to see them leave is that they were invading my "Ohio" world. It is okay to go home to VA and see them. That is their space now and I am just visiting, but up here they were taking over the new space I have made for myself...apart from them.
I was quite surprised at my feelings. I didn't realize how much I have changed in the past 3 years....how much I have separated myself from my former life, former friends, former "issues".
I will have to do a little more soul searching to get to the whole truth of the matter, but I think I have made a big step in my recovery from the drug that was my children's lives...their addictions...their love lives...their not "launching"...everything. Also finally getting through the fog of my husband's death....it has been 10 long years, but I think I am finally ready to breath again.
Monday, July 01, 2013
Well there is some great news, some good news and some bad news to report from this week.
The great news is that I stayed on my eating plan all week with just one day of a little treat. I really am not sure where I was at the start of this (didn't want to see the scales). I know where I was awhile back and I am down 6 lbs. from there. I won't be celebrating until I see that number go back under 200....2 lbs. to go.
On the good news front, I worked off on a three-day break this morning. Three days that I don't have to think about what is broken, how to work around what is broke, and who to put where to work without pissing anyone off.
Other good news is this time next week my family will be here to visit. This is kind of a good/bad thing really. I will love to see them and let them see my new place here, but I will have to pay for the gas, the food, and any fun we do while they are here.
The bad news is that I am so stressed from some recent events back home that I am ready to scream. It just seems the more things change, the more they stay the same. =
Other bad news is the rain. It has rained and rained, and rained some more. It is hard to get motivated to get out on my bike when I get wet every time. I still get between 4 to 5 miles on average walking at work, but I miss my bike time.
One day at a time, one foot in front of the other...soon I will be miles down the road....sure hope it isn't all uphill.
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