Friday, November 21, 2014
Need a moment to rant…
This week has sucked, from a health standpoint. Between that crazy doctor and my non-results results and more.
I also kicked in the gluten free stuff this week and already hit a few walls. We play trivia on Wednesday nights at a brewery. They don’t serve food, so usually there is a food truck and the food truck this week just so happened to be a WAFFLE truck. I ended up getting a baked potato and side salad from Wendys near the brewery, which was not enough or with any protein. They also did not have any gluten free beers or ciders, so I watched my whole team eat waffles and drink beer and THAT feeling sucks. But I survived.
Then last night I went to girls night, which I was super excited about! Every place had free cookies and sweets out, which didn’t bother me because I actually don’t really care for sweets. We went to a Mexican place for dinner and I was thrilled to see that they could make the $5 quesadilla special with gluten free tortillas. Our waiter was such a jerk and when I asked for the gluten free option, he gave me a weird face and said “I guess” and then when he brought the food out he made some comment like “I sprinkled some gluten in there for you.”
Okay. Maybe he thinks he’s funny. He certainly didn’t look happy or like he was laughing, so maybe he was having a bad day and taking it out on others. I responded to him with “Yeah, those darn doctors telling me how to make myself feel better!” and he just walked off. WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE?!?!?! First this doctor calling me fat & crazy this week, then this guy knocking on me for gluten free?
Then last night when we were walking around I had a crazy neck spasm. I wasn’t even carrying that much stuff so I’m not sure how it got so stressed. I came home and just wanted to go to bed so badly, which wasn’t what my bf had in mind and I felt soooo bad having to be like “I hurt and want to sleep.” Then I woke up in the middle of the night last night with my left calf and foot in complete spasm. It was one of the worst charley horses I have ever had. I had all my water yesterday, so I know I wasn’t dehydrated. I guess I shouldn’t expect being gluten free for 4 days to reduce inflammation that much, but I also know my spinal structure can cause this as well. I think all signs point to me needing to go back to PT again. I’m thinking I need to find a new doc because I think the best way for me to fit it in will be to do it on my lunch breaks. It will ensure I start taking my lunch breaks again, and will let me get home in time for the pup at night. So I’m on the hunt again!
Anyways, I’m so glad it is Friday because I just want to sit at home with my Beatrice dog and not have to deal with crazy people for a few minutes. That being said, I have my family’s Thanksgiving tomorrow so it feels like the holiday season is really starting to kick in, so I know these “downtime” moments are going to be precious! Don’t forget to take time for yourselves!! I’m trying to keep that in mind and hopefully keep the crazy at bay. TGIF!!!!!
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
I am still trying to process yesterday but not in the way that I thought it would be.
My primary doc recommended me to see a “lady doc” specialist, but all she said was that all of the docs at this women’s practice were good. So when I called, they suggested this one doc and I agreed. They know best right?
This woman should come with a warning.
I have never had an experience like this in my life. She quoted poetry, maybe something in German, made one comment that was so off color I can’t repeat it here but included some strong opinions and words relating to the male anatomy. She pretty much said I was crazy because nothing showed up on my scan so why was I there BUT declined to actually “take a look inside” for herself, which now that I think about it makes no sense? And then she said: “You have three options, well really two. One we could cut you open and look inside. Two you can try this medication approach. And the third I wouldn’t recommend for you because you’re already carrying some extra pounds.”
Yes. That is what she said. And not nicely, or joking. As in “You’re fat, so we won’t let you have this third option.”
I get it, she’s one of those straight talking people. She’s a doctor. Maybe she just has become desensitized to this. But as I noted to my BF last night, what if I was a recovering bulimic or something and that is how she identified me so bluntly? It was really harsh. I left there not knowing whether to laugh or cry. I am glad my scan seemed “normal” but I also want to know why I get so much pain and all. I got no answers, instead I think I got attacked? It was very strange and completely opposite of what I was hoping would happen.
Then I left and came back to work, and my other doc called. All of my blood tests were okay. No lymes, no crazy inflammatory markers, nothing super off with my thyroid. They did note my cholesterol is slightly high. Really?!
I had a pretty strong meltdown last night. My poor boyfriend, I mean it was a big full blown meltdown. I pretty much got called fat, my cholesterol is high which is why I joined Spark years ago so it feels like nothing has gotten better, and I still FEEL BAD. I know my neck and back hurt because I haven’t been going to PT, but it doesn’t answer why I’m SO DANG TIRED all of the time or why my muscles ache or why I get so foggy some days (like yesterday when they called!) that I can’t even look people in the face. I got no answers whatsoever. I don’t want to give up, but it gets exhausting and expensive just trying to find some way to feel better.
I suppose I should be glad because I could always have had a really bad diagnosis like cancer or worse, but I still would have appreciated SOMETHING to improve upon considering how I feel.
I am giving the gluten reduced diet a try. So far this week I’ve been pretty good. I had a mini oops on Sunday night when my bf tossed a pretzel in my mouth hibatchi style, but it was only one bite. I made two killer new gluten free recipes! I may let myself have a beer tonight. We play trivia at a brewery… kind of hard to ignore that! I’m really hoping something positive comes out of this because I’m starting to feel a little desperate.
So there is my complaint for the day. Not much good news to report, I’m afraid. So here is a picture of my dog:
Thursday, November 13, 2014
As I mentioned in my status, I finally went and got all of the doctors orders tests done.
I’m a gigantic baby and have been dragging my feet on the blood work. My doc prescribed me meds to help but I was having trouble even committing to a date. I have to fast and be driven there if I take the meds, so I would have had to make plans with my bf for a ride. Anyways, yesterday I went to the imaging place to see my insides and what was this? A blood place was in the lobby. And I had fasted and super hydrated. The conditions were perfect. I forced myself back in the building and got my blood done - no tears, no cussing, no passing out. I did it! It wasn’t so bad in hindsight. And now I just get to wait for all of the results to roll in. I have another doctor’s appointment next Tuesday so I’m hoping for more answers at that time. Good thing I won some money in vegas, because medical stuff ain’t cheap and I need brakes on my car too! Adulthood, awesome.
Nobody ever really wants a diagnosis of anything besides health, but I am hoping these tests have some answers for me as to why I’ve been feeling so achy and out of sorts. I plan on doing a big grocery shop this weekend to get my gluten free in gear. I NEED to feel better. My neck is acting up again so I may need to consider bleeding cash for PT once more… sigh. Why is health SO expensive?!
If the money wasn’t making me feel a sort of ways enough, my mom toss one on me yesterday that she feels bad that my sister and I have these health issues. She feels like she gave them to us. Maybe that is genetically true, maybe not? Maybe it is my dad? Either way, she kept saying how bad she felt. My sister uses these health issues as an excuse not to work. I don’t do that, but my mom allows that to make her feel bad too – that my sister is doing nothing because of the health issues she gave her? I guess? I refuse to sit here and play the blame game. Does my health give me more challenges than other people? Yes. But not as bad as it could be. Does my broken thyroid make losing weight hard? Yup, but again – not impossible. Do I struggle with eating and exercise habits because of the way I was raised? Sure, but I can change that if I really want to.
My life is up to me. I can work at it and make it what I want, but I don’t see value in blaming anyone for my condition. Some answers would be helpful in directing me in the next steps, but I know the basics – eat better, get more action, treat myself more gently. Making excuses will get me nowhere and I know it won’t be good to stay here! That is just my thought to get out for today… Thanks!
Monday, November 10, 2014
I know they say what happens in vegas is supposed to stay in vegas, but I had such a great trip that I want to share it!
My boyfriend’s vendor was holding a conference in Vegas and paid for our sweet suite at the Venetian, two nice dinners, and to see the Beatles LOVE. I basically got to tag along for the price of my airfare and it was awesome. Thursday was such a nice day that I almost cried from happiness. Our air travel was painless (seriously… that NEVER happens!), we got a margarita for lunch, got to look at super old collectible books (Raina – you know how awesome this is right?!), did some shopping, won about $600. The weather was in the 80s and sunny the entire time, so I got to get in a pool/hottub outside, walk around in a sundress and shorts, and soak in some sun. Speaking of walking – I broke fitbit records this weekend. We walked MILES and MILES. So I only feel mildly bad about my food choices – nachos, a burger from In and Out (I have never been before!) and our two fancy dinners. I actually didn’t drink too much but definitely saw people who had lol. And I thought LOVE was freaking amazing and the fountains at the Bellagio were incredible. The people watching was priceless and I adored being in the desert. Amazingly, I even got to relax a bit (work didn’t contact me once – miracle!) and I got some good sleep. We had such a great trip. I really needed it!
Us outside of our resort. Sunny and warm!
My outfit for Beatle’s LOVE. I bought this Lilly dress because it has my name (Stefani – nobody spells it like that but Lilly!) and it was PERFECT for the show!
The In and Out burger. Pretty good. Terrible fries.
The plane ride home had an amazing sunset. The world is a beautiful place! We forget that sometimes!
And of course – a Pupdate. Miss Bea is 15 weeks old tomorrow. The potty training is getting a bit better and she’s sleeping much more during the night. She’s definitely growing and losing her baby face but I love her so much! She was our little pumpkin for Halloween too tehe.
Now that I’m back from Vegas, I need to hunker down on my health. I have some tests to schedule and I need to kick the reduced gluten plan into high gear. I’m going to try walking at lunch more than I have been recently, it seems (knock on wood) that we may have a lull in the crazy here for a bit, but I know I need to stand my ground more and make sure I get away from my desk. I’m even reconsidering buying that bike pedal thing for my desk – I’m serious! Pedaling during the day should count for something, right?! If you have any good gluten free recipes, please share! I need to work on feeling better. I am trying not to focus on the number on the scale as much as how I feel – and right now I know I deserve to feel better. So that is what I want to work for! Here we go again….
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