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Oops I ate the bunny?!

Monday, April 21, 2014

Howdy!

Thanks everyone for the kind words on my 3 lb. loss. I am still surprised by it myself. NOT what I was expecting to see on the scale this morning! I am trying to stick to the Monday weigh ins because weekends tend to be looser with control and I want to use that as motivation… today was like WOAH when I hopped on hah! Especially after how bad I was last week with TOM being so awful…

Anyways I had a lovely weekend! My mom & I enjoyed the gorgeous weather and went to an outdoor spring festival. We split a small wood fire pizza for lunch and it was delicious. We did some shopping and rounded out the day by FINALLY watching Frozen. I liked it!

Yesterday was an interesting Easter. I discovered/I’m pretty sure we have a mouse (I am hoping just ONE mouse) in the house so I am trying not to spaz. I made this veggie tray for our dinner:



Lots of veggies and his belly is a greek yogurt dip! He was devoured (I was included in that lol). I had some chicken, asparagus, Brussels sprouts, and a small piece of cake. I also ate some bread which I almost never do anymore. I guess it felt like I ate a lot? But the scale says differently!

My mom commented on me being smaller on Saturday. Maybe it is starting to show? Please? Because the wedding I am in is in two weeks and that would be helpful!

Trying to get a lot of walking in this week to make up for last week – went on a great long one at lunch today! I have meals planned and chiro/PT 3x this week. I also listened to everyone who commented on my last blog and made an appointment this week with my lady doc. I think something was definitely wrong last week and I know that I owe it to myself to try to find a way to improve this.

Gotta keep moving forward as best as I can. Hoping to make this a great week!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAINA413 4/23/2014 11:30AM

    Very glad you made an appt with your lady doc. I hope she is able to work some things out for you. No one should have to feel the way that you did. That was just awful! That said, WOO HOO!! THREE POUNDS!! That is so awesome! Still super excited for you!! I am sure that it is showing since you can now zip the dress which you said you couldn't before and your mom even noticed! She knows how hard you have been working at it so why would she lie about progress! You are starting to see progress in all aspects of your life and you should celebrate it!! And by the way, your bunny is totally awesome!! Love that!!!!!

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PHEBESS 4/21/2014 11:00PM

    It takes a while for US to see the weight loss - our brains still tend to see us at our biggest. So hang in there!

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KIKKI-G 4/21/2014 4:34PM

    Great job girl!!
& that bunny platter looks oh so good! glad you enjoyed it.
Yay to fam noticing, always feels amazing. Keep it up!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 4/21/2014 3:58PM

    It sounds like you're doing great, and that bunny is SUPER cute! Well done = )

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CHEMCHIC2006 4/21/2014 3:45PM

    Nice bunny! Congrats on the weight loss! emoticon

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BRAINYBLONDE5 4/21/2014 3:07PM

    woohoo that bunny looks so cute! and YUMMY! so happy to hear you are seeing changes on the scale & even comments from family members! you are too hard on yourself because clearly you are doing GREAT! keep it up!

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Girl Talk/Whining

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Boys – go away! You have been warned!

About 3 months ago, I switched up my lady meds because my previous one was discontinued/the replacement made me sick/etc.


This is my first “break” from the meds, if you know what I mean.




And this is terrible.

I know there are sicker people than me in this world and I should stop complaining, but I also know that it feels like 90% of the women I know lead perfectly productive and normal lives during their TOMS – I don’t. And that sucks.

I can’t remember the last time I have felt this bad. On my old meds, I had one bad day every 3 months. This has been 5 days straight of a nightmare – headache, nausea, tons of pain, you name it. Yesterday I was trying to walk down the hall at work to attend a meeting and I had to stop walking and almost completely doubled over. I spent most of the past couple nights on the couch with my heating pad nearly in tears. I caved and asked my poor stressed out bf to cook spaghetti for dinner (his one dinner he can cook lol) because I couldn’t stand. And yes – I am trying to WORK through all of this. I’ve been crouched over my keyboard struggling. Working out? HAH. Nope.



And at the end of it all, what upsets me the most perhaps is that my fitbit report at the end of this week is going to be like “YOU MESSED UP! YOU DIDN’T REACH YOUR GOALS! YOUR NUMBERS ARE DOWN!”

Yes, they are down. I’m nowhere near my goals. I can’t freaking walk. I feel like a bloated whale who’s insides are being ripped out. No progress shall be made this week. Oh well. C’est la vie. And now you know too.

Whining over! Can’t have this condition forever right? Hopefully I’ll be back in action next week!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELISSIMAUS 4/18/2014 7:08PM

    Okay, so, I am not a doctor, and I will not pretend to offer medical advice. However, I wish very much that I had not stopped taking the pill when I was 34. I had so many issues (I started taking them when I was 15 because of severe symptoms) and I think stopping them was one of the worst decisions I ever made. I blame that for both my severe depression/insomnia that followed, and also for the fibroids which resulted in years of agony/misery and an eventual hysterectomy. So I would say to you, think CAREFULLY about whether stopping cold turkey is worth it, or whether there's another solution that might work for you.

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RAINA413 4/18/2014 5:07PM

    Oh no!! That is so horrible!! I know what you mean, though. I get migraines and horrifyingly bad cramps. Magnesium helps a lot with the migraines but the cramps just seem to be eased (a tiny bit) by a heating pad and curling up into a ball. I wish there was something I could suggest to help you. Having been there (with the fitbit, too) I totally know where you are coming from. I wonder if your doctor can try a different prescription?? Sending you healing hugs!

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IRP1114 4/18/2014 1:50PM

    emoticon
Sorry to hear you are having such a horrible time this week. emoticon

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CHODGES83 4/17/2014 2:31PM

    YUCK, Lady! Poor thing. I have to say the few women I've known who experience that much discomfort during tom have had other issues. Of course, it could just be a fluke or stomach bug and next time it won't be as bad. I would seriously think about asking your doctor or calling in and speaking with a nurse if you don't want to make an appointment yet.
Feel better!

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PHEBESS 4/17/2014 12:54PM

    Have you talked to your dr about endometriosis? That's what it sounds like - and depending on your dr, some of them look for it and some don't. I asked for years and years, was assured I didn't have it (despite being in so much pain I puked every single month from age 14 to 28 or so), and finally found a dr who did some testing and found that yes indeed, I had endometriosis. Which means internal bleeding in your entire abdominal cavity, and no place for that to go.

PLEASE see your dr and ask about this as a possible diagnosis.

Because TOM is normal and should be nothing more than mild discomfort. And those of us who double over in pain or puke or whatever have other issues than Mother Nature.

Okay?

See your doctor. Call. go. Now.

(And let me know, okay?)

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BRAINYBLONDE5 4/17/2014 12:24PM

    its okay to feel upset and down. let yourself feel those emotions but give yourself a break! would you be this hard on your friend? so dont do it to yourself! your body needs TLC and its good to give yourself that! emoticon

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LIPS, NYC & a Day Off

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Hello!

Back in action, sort of!

Backing up first…

This weekend was my trip to NYC for my friend’s bachelorette party. We took a 5am train on Saturday & came back Sunday night so it was a bit of a whirlwind. I was definitely not as stuck in comparison mode as I was at the bridal shower, but I still tried to be “good” as much as possible. I didn’t really drink anything and ate half of my meal at dinner. I did note the size zero MOH ordered a plate of bacon and fries for breakfast on Sunday and ate it. Sometimes life is really unfair huh? Still, I tried to enjoy myself as much as possible. Everything was so pricey, but such is NYC. We did a TON of walking, 8 miles on Saturday alone! So I know I offset anything anyways. The weather was AMAZING. We did a lot of shopping on Saturday. My friend’s favorite store is Kate Spade. When they found out we were celebrating her bachelorette, they put us in their “salon” and opened up a bottle of Kate Spade champagne for us. It was so special! We look a little tired don’t we?



Saturday night we went to LIPS for a drag show. This was AMAZING. Five drag queens lip syncing to Spice Girls? I die! Here is us with our “Queen” Eva lol. I know, my goodies were out. Got lots of attention. One thing curves CAN do , get some eyes hah!



We saw Denzel Washington and our train had a slight malfunction on the way home. I’ll spare you all of the details but I was quite glad to be home on Sunday night. NYC is not my thing. I took a nice long shower! I am such an introvert and sometimes it really shows!

Yesterday I had my first real day off in a long long long time. I have to shout it from the rooftops – IT WAS AWESOME. I slept in a little bit, got myself an iced chai from my favorite little coffee shop, went to the mall, allowed myself a kids meal from chickfila for lunch, did some crafts, went to PT, went to Goodwill & snagged the set of books I’ve been after for $2 (score!), got a manicure, RELAXED. I felt so amazing afterwards and now my nails look great too! I highly recommend treating yourself once in awhile. I found myself smiling on my own yesterday – THAT good of a day. Loved it!

I’ve now got TOM for the first time in months and it is pouring outside, so today is not the most fantastic day. After having a few crazy days in a row, I’m just allowing myself to be a bit of a bum today. I think I need it and TOM is forcing it anyways.

This may sound a bit ridiculous, but I’ve been having a bit of a life crisis since the drag show. One of the queens asked me what my dreams were. Ummm… what are my dreams?! All I could think of was to someday get a dog. Can you say lame?! What has happened to me? Where are my dreams?! Freaking out and can’t stop thinking about this. See – crisis!

Anyways – the leaves are finally coming back on the trees, the flowers are blooming, I think things are overall looking up. Gotta keep working on getting my body in line and keep the vibes going. I need to keep myself positive and moving forward as best as I can.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAINA413 4/18/2014 5:16PM

    I know just what you mean about NYC not being your thing. Great to visit, but even better when you get to go home. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that you were smiling in the photos! (Take that grumpy commentator who made you feel badly about it at the bridal shower!!)

As for your goodies being on display, my husband was sitting next to me as I read your blog and he mentioned that you look so much better than zero and her posse BECAUSE you have curves! He mentioned that all those women who work so hard at being so impossibly thin always look like they might break in half in a stiff wind. He also said that in his experience thin women aren't much fun. They are always grumpy because they don't eat. HEALTHY is SEXY and you look amazing, so celebrate it!!!

Now, as for your dreams, it doesn't have to be huge or even life changing. You have them...you just may not have put them into words or you have already reached some of them. For example, you are a HOMEOWNER!! That is a dream and you have achieved it!! You want to get healthy and you are well on your way!! And never scoff at the dream of getting a dog. That is a lot of responsibility and it to be taken seriously. (FYI, I think that will be one VERY lucky puppy!!)

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PHEBESS 4/16/2014 6:10AM

    Sometimes "dreams" sounds so far off - maybe think about short term and long range goals. Where do you want to be in a year? Three years from now? Five years?

Then start thinking about being 50-something - where do you want to be by then? What accomplishments do you want to achieve?

Then go ahead and find your dreams!

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KIKKI-G 4/15/2014 11:31PM

    I love those days off that are just all about you...I love my man but I love myself even more!!!!
Sound alike you had a super fun time in NYC! I LOVE DRAG SHOWS!!! i live basically in the "gaybourhood" here in Toronto & its super fun going out around here.I even want to take my mom! hahah

I think you need to really put a little more time & thought into what really are your dreams....you're totally worth it & dreaming big for yourself is happy & healthy.

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IAMZBEE 4/15/2014 2:54PM

    Sounds like a fun bachelorette party! You look absolutley STUNNING!! I love your pink lips!

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SDLEE514 4/15/2014 2:10PM

    oh bachelorette weekends, I'm a bit jealous of yours, kate spade private party and drag queens?! haha love it. And I HAVE to say, not just for support but because that was the first thing I thought, you look ADORABLE, especially when you SMILE.

Yesterday sounds like the best day, really wish I had taken it off too lol. So glad you spent some much deserved time on yourself! And I wouldn't be too "crisis" mode about the dreams. Getting a dog is a valid and wonderful one! Its almost like wanting a child...um most people would disagree with that but my pet is my baby and they really make your life fulfilling. Other than that I think maybe you were just caught off guard and thought about it too much? I mean, I think most people dream of living a happy and healthy life. pretty valid dream. Don't dwell on it, dreams can be anything you want them to be, lame or abstract or concrete but far reaching.

And I think I remember you saying the wedding you're in is may 3, the wedding im going to is may 10. Still, we can do this!! keep it up!!

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CHODGES83 4/15/2014 12:25PM

    Well NYC sounds like a blast and so does the day off. I'm glad you got some time just for yourself!

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LIGHTBULB MOMENT

Thursday, April 10, 2014

I am having a lightbulb moment and want to capture it!

I know I have always struggled to separate emotions from well pretty much everything. Food, work, traffic, the people in line at Starbucks, you name it.

I know I get stressed and suddenly everything turns into this emotional war and sometimes it gets carried away. Part of me knows that I am an emotional person – I have feelings darn it! – but that can sometimes be detrimental.

Yesterday I let a few things build until I was nearly in tears.

1) Someone hit my car and drove off. Yes, my newly paid off pretty car. It isn’t terrible, just a few scratches and a dent the size of an orange, but it gets under my skin that someone tapped me hard enough to do that visible damage and didn’t leave a note or anything.


2) I came home to find that someone took our trashcan lid, the one I have painted with our house number on it. I don’t understand why, and maybe never will, but seriously? Who does that?


3) A coworker of mine basically flopped hard on something she owed me. She did apologize but it was one of those moments where your expectations get shot down hard.


4) Another coworker of mine came to me yesterday morning questioning something my boss told me to do. I pretty much said “My boss told me to do this based on conversations he’s had with leadership, you have a good point though, I’ll let him know and see what he says” – pretty harmless right? I did tell my boss, and he actually sided with HER and let her know. Somehow in that conversation I must have said SOMETHING because she’s now ignoring me & the whole mess. I can’t figure it out. I really can’t stand that kind of behavior though, so I tried to stop by to address it in person twice. The first time she would not even look at me (another seriously who does that? Moment) and the second time she bit my head off and said “I can’t even look at you right now, I’m busy” and turned back around. Yup. Mature. [side note: she’s old enough to be my mom]. So finally I forwarded the email my boss sent us telling her she was right to her again, and basically said “I’m sorry if I said or did something out of line, I get the feeling you may be upset but I could be wrong? Let me know etc etc.” basically apologizing for something I don’t even know that I did. She literally just emailed me back as I was typing this and it says “Thanks”… sigh.


I tell you all of this because yesterday I felt this well up to the point where I didn’t even want to eat dinner. I briefly thought about just having two beers for dinner and couldn’t even muster up the will for that. Instead I was filling up with this sort of frustrated rage. Why did someone hit my car and drive off? Why did someone steal my trashcan lid? Why did my coworker mess up so badly? Why is this other coworker acting like this and what the heck did I do?


And then I realized… none of it really matters does it? No one owes me answers to all of this. I don’t NEED the answers to live. Have I done everything that I can on my end to help remedy the situation? I think I have. So… why all of this craziness? Now that I type all of it out I am almost laughing because it seems ridiculous.


Is it frustrating? Yup. Is it unfair? Certainly. Can I control it? No.




And that right there is when I realized… I can really only control ME and my reactions to everything. I can choose my next steps. I can choose whether the emotions take over or whether I breathe easier.


So…



I’m trying to figure out how I can buy a new trashcan lid and what I’ll paint on it this time.

Instead of biting off my flopping coworkers head, I thanked her for what she DID get right and for owning up to her mistakes.

I made peace with myself that I have apologized and attempted to reconcile with my other coworker and as they say – you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. My part is over. I can’t continue to sit here letting my brain boil on it.

The more I can catch myself with a net before my emotions reach epic teapot on fire levels, the more I can:

- Find peace

- Feel happier

- Avoid overeating

- Avoid overdrinking

- Get stuff done

Lightbulb!


PS – I am definitely comfortably wearing a pair of pants today that were painful to button at the new year. Progress?! It’s gorgeous out so I’ve been getting my steps in and it may be helping!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VERONICAVW_140 4/12/2014 12:27AM

    What an awesome and freeing realization. I still struggle with internalizing everything and then feeling really bogged down bc of it. I'm so happy for you that you have had this epiphany.

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RAINA413 4/11/2014 7:19PM

    First, let me just say how proud I am of you!! This is totally huge and can be considered a major NSV. I came to a similar realization earlier this month when I said no to my boss about coming in for only an hour of work on my day off. Trust me, this is LIFE CHANGING! It will go such a long way to making you feel better, have a more positive outlook, and will completely affect everything else from here on out!

I am so sorry about your car, though. That totally sucks. Did you have collision on it? Will your insurance cover the repairs? I am obsessive about my car as well, so I know how you feel. As for your trash can lid, I am betting it was neighborhood kids being stupid. Huge inconvenience and totally lame of them to do that to you. As for your co-workers, I can assure you that you were the bigger man in this situation. I am sorry they did those things to you, but hopefully they will learn from your example and grow from the situation.

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PHEBESS 4/10/2014 11:05PM

    Ugh, don't you hate days like that?

But yes, you can't control other people, only yourself. And while you can't always control your emotions, especially around TOM, well, you can do your best to try and not get all upset.

Hugs, sweetie. Some days suck.

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FALLENSHORT2013 4/10/2014 6:17PM

    Yep-negativity saps energy! Good for you!!! emoticon m emoticon

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DANIELLESAUTUMN 4/10/2014 4:26PM

    Oh Steph!! Im so happy for you finding this ... PEACE. Keep hold of it and really explore that- it's only going to make you better! As my boyfriend's brother says "If it's to be, it's up to me!" lol he's special.

Sorry all that crap happened- co-workers can be serious downers! I hope your Thursday gets better, and you have a great week!

WHO THE F STEALS A TRASH CAN LID!! I mean I probably would if it had 69 on it or something, but I DOUBT yours did! ;)

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CHODGES83 4/10/2014 4:17PM

    Recently I have been feeling so exhausted from being unhappy and having to hear everyone's negativity at work. The slightest thing sets me off (more at work than at home, thank goodness) and I'm tired of constantly feeling on the brink of confrontation. I love that you have had a lightbulb moment to control how you react to things. I have definitely been thinking about this a lot lately. My perception could be part of the problem. It's time to accept and move on. emoticon

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THELILEA 4/10/2014 4:15PM

    GREAT perspective!!!

I feel like if we could all master this our lives would be MASSIVELY easier and more enjoyable.

Comment edited on: 4/10/2014 4:17:15 PM

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SUMMER2203 4/10/2014 4:07PM

    i feel like this is THE lightbulb moment! we can only control what we can control. and we should be proud of what falls in that category. and everything else...WHO CARES! i hope you ended up eating a delicious and healthy dinner last night and that you do something fun and relaxing after work!!!!!! and wooo hooooo on loose pants!!!!!!!!!!

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KIMESHA1 4/10/2014 4:03PM

    I commend you on turning negatives into positives. Enjoy the "lightbulb".

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JLPEASE 4/10/2014 3:52PM

    That IS a lightbulb moment. You should be really proud of the way you took some time out to figure this out before reaching for food, which is what a lot of us do when we get upset.
Good for you!!!
emoticon emoticon

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ELSCO55 4/10/2014 3:47PM

    Sorry for all the issues, but you are handling them well. Congrats on your successes.

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KISAKATT 4/10/2014 3:40PM

    I love these moments!! And everything you said rings so true. You only get to control you and you may never get answers, but you've done your best! And seriously, you sound like the most logical in all of these situations!!

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BUSYBEE37 4/10/2014 3:38PM

    emoticon

Kudos to you for not letting these things drag you down.

BTW, I agree, people who dent a car should own up to it. Sheesh. And stealing a trash can lid??? Seriously, why? LOL

As for the coworkers, good luck! Coworkers can be the most fickle people you ever meet in your entire life! I've met plenty of them who make life miserable, but then there the ones who don't and are good friends.

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MJRVIC2000 4/10/2014 3:30PM

    Good for You! Go for It. God Bless YOU! Vic.

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Trade Offs

Wednesday, April 09, 2014

Happy to report that I finally found a new chiro and got myself checked out. My neck has zero curvature and I have 1 vertebrae trying to make a getaway from the rest. Still fixable without surgery, but it means going back to the 3x/week PT schedule after work. I am going to have to make some tradeoffs. That cuts into my night "free time" so I'll need to rework fitness time and cooking healthy dinner time around it. Maybe some nights I have to have a boca burger and a salad for dinner instead of some fancy pinterest meal, maybe some nights PT IS my workout but I eat extra clean during the day. I just need to rework my planning a bit to make sure these tradeoffs are fair and everything is still moving forward.

Had a pretty stressful couple of days at work. I swear everyone has taken their crazy pills. I'm making an effort to approach it positively (like instead of strangling my coworker, taking a pause to breathe and then killing her with kindness instead). It is kind of a struggle. Last night I think it showed - my bf suggested we switch things up go to this little cafe by our house and eat dinner outside since it has gotten so nice. I had two small tacos - shrimp and portabella mushroom, and some hummus & veggies. Think I did well huh?! Especially since last time I went to this cafe I definitely had duck fat fries. My pants are loose today and although I am busy I took a nice long walk on my lunch break. I might have to stay a little later than I wanted but at least I got some movement outside. See? Tradeoffs.

Speaking of, I gotta run, but needed a moment to collect my thoughts and encourage some extra positivity in myself. Thanks for listening!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HONEYBADGERRUNS 4/10/2014 2:16PM

    I never appreciated how pain impacts someones life - my shoulder is like this toothache that won't go away and a normal annoyance gets amplified. I hope your chiro treatments go well!

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RAINA413 4/10/2014 1:29AM

    Three cheers for loose pants and other NSVs!!!

Sorry your co-workers have been taking crazy pills. I think there must be something in the air because it has been the same thing down here. Wonder if they are all infected by spring fever? The weekend is nearly here. Hope you will have some down time to just relax and enjoy!

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KIKKI-G 4/9/2014 9:09PM

    Just think, the more you trade off now you're body will get better/re aligned & you can rock it out again soon enough. Amazing choices at the cafe & I know you'll get creative with your quickie meals too!! sometimes you just need a Boca burger & salad....

keep at it!

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CHODGES83 4/9/2014 5:10PM

    Hope the pt routine works. Sounds like the café was delish and definitely good choices! Tradeoffs can be so aggravating, but stay positive cause you're doing what's best for you!

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SONICB 4/9/2014 5:03PM

    Boca burger + salad sounds like something I've had a few times this semester, oi. Still healthier than getting fast food drive-thru! Pinterest meals are just not in the picture these days. Maybe they're something to indulge in over the weekend. :)

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FALLENSHORT2013 4/9/2014 3:00PM

    It certainly will be good to get that neck fixed, huh?!! Good for you, sweetie, you should be proud of yourself!! emoticon m emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RHOOK20047 4/9/2014 2:31PM

    Good job,many times in life we have to improvise. When Life throws a curveball we have to come up and do what gets the job done. Have a great day!

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