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LIFE and a Puppy!

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Hallo!

Someone once said to me that if they didnít actually know me, theyíd think I was crazy with everything that goes on in my life. I always had a suspicion that other folks had less crazy in their lives, but I swear mine comes in waves and then I get quiet periods and that MUST be how life works for everyone right?!

Last week my mom called in a panic and said my father had literally fallen over at dinner and was in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. He legit broke his face in the fall, has stitches, and just got out of the hospital this week. It seems he had some sort of ďheart incidentĒ that caused him to lose oxygen and topple. They are still struggling to get his oxygen up so heís on a tank, but at home, which is good. Got us all a little shaken up I would say.

I canít even begin to describe my work situation save to say that it is crazy and Iíve just started nodding my head at everything because I canít process it all. The side effect of this is that Iím making myself go for a lot of walks to avoid negative reactions to things, so Iím actually getting a lot of steps in!

Monday evening my bf called me from the side of the road with smoke coming out of his car. He just hit 50,000 miles and his engine blew on his Civic Ė so much for Honda quality. Luckily he was not on the highway and he could pull over in a safe spot, but now it seems like weíre VERY unexpectedly car shopping. Iím a shopper but I do NOT like car shopping. Eugh!

All of this is going on before we leave for Colorado on Saturday. I should be much more excited for vacation but it still seems unreal to me right now that weíll be there in two days. I always tell people that Colorado is good for the soul. I always feel so much lighter after going there and I really hope that is the same experience for this trip.

But Iím really most excited about the best thing to happen to me in a very long time: Weíre getting a dog!!!!!!!!!

Meet Baby Beatrice, Bea the Boston Terrier:





BF and I picked the name while we were waiting for the tow truck on Monday lol, it means ďShe who brings happinessĒ which I hope will be true. I have wanted my own dog for years now and I keep pinching myself to see if this is real. She will be coming home in late September. I sincerely hope this means I get outside more, I learn, I grow, and we have many happy years together.

All that being said, I havenít paid too much attention to food or fitness recently (although my steps counts still manage to exceed my goal?!) and I know Iíll have to get back there at some point. Right now Iím going with the flow and trying to keep with it. I suppose Iíll put more thought into this after vacation, but come onÖ look at that puppy! Iím a little distracted! Iíll be backÖ

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SDLEE514 9/2/2014 8:48PM

    You're in Colorado right now! So jealous, it is absolutely beautiful. I hope it is doing good things for your soul--you certainly deserve it with everything going on in that crazy life of yours. I saw the puppy pic before, and I wasn't sure it was actually yours...OMG!! So freaking cute I can't even. and I am SO happy for you! I know how much you've wanted one and I DO think Bea will fill something in your life :) Can't wait to hear about your trip!

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CHODGES83 8/29/2014 11:47AM

    Glad to hear that your dad is home and healing. Bea is a beauty! You're going to enjoy her!
Hope this trip is just the trick for you! Have a great time!


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GRUMBLEGIRL 8/28/2014 8:34PM

    I am in love!!! Baby Bea is adorable!! Congrats. Have a wonderful trip. Hope your Dad is on the mend. My sister had a heart attack in July. She's only 45. It has shaken me to the core. She'lscon the mend but it's been super scary.

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SONICB 8/28/2014 6:16PM

    PUPPYYYYYYY!!!!!!! HRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNGHHHHHHHHHH!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! SOOOOOOOOOO CUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! XDDDDDDDDDD

Okay, now that that's out there.

I am still sending positive vibes to you and your family and hoping for a speedy recovery for your dad!

Also, you and your bf don't seem to have much luck with cars... Think the Civic was just a lemon? My Jeep has been giving me all sorts of issues since I got it.

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SUMMER2203 8/28/2014 12:36PM

    oh my gosh so many things going on!!! i am glad that the exciting is balancing with the not-as-exciting...enjoy your trip and your brand new puppy!!!! :)

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PHEBESS 8/28/2014 11:35AM

    Very cute puppy! And I hope everything is okay with your dad! and yes, life is alternating crazy and calm.

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CHEETARA79 8/28/2014 10:35AM

    Cute puppy!

Hope your dad gets better soon.

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IFDEEVARUNS2 8/28/2014 10:28AM

    Congrats on the puppy. And yes, everyone's life is like that. Periods of insanity, then periods of quiet (usually not long enough).

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IAMZBEE 8/28/2014 10:11AM

    Awwww, congrats on the puppy!! Such a cute little thing.

So sorry to hear about your dad, but it sounds like he's on the mends now. It's a good habit that you've got going on taking walks when things are stressful for you.

Hang in there.... emoticon

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CHEMCHIC2006 8/28/2014 9:48AM

    OMG baby Bea is so cute! Congrats new dog mommy!

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What To Do About Spark?

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Iíve been doing a lot of thinking Ė and you know that never goes well!

Iím wrestling with the idea of leaving Spark. Iíve been here about 3 years. How crazy is that?! And yet Iím not at my goal weight. I never really got close to my goal weight. What is the quote about the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?

Perhaps this is just me, but Iíve noticed a few changes in Spark and it just isnít holding, well, the ďsparkĒ that it used to for me.

A few thingsÖ

- Iíve made and lost a whole bunch of Sparkfriends. They just (poof) disappear. The first few times it happened, I had a bunch of irrational thoughts like ďWhat if they were in a car accident?Ē and such. Then I realized that people just give up. And that makes me sad.

- I used to find a lot of motivation here. I used to learn a lot. Maybe Iím not proactively working the message boards enough, but I feel like I havenít learned much in a while from Spark itself. My remaining sparkfriends have given me some great tips, but that is different.

- I worry that this has become too much of a habit. It is one of the first things I do every day when I log on to my computer, but after 3 years, maybe that isnít a good thing? I donít really feel the sting of not tracking workouts anymore and such.

- I love some of my sparkfriends, you guys know you who are, but overall the vibes here have changed. Nobody helps to pick you up when youíre down, write you encouraging words if you need it. This isnít as much of a supportive community as it was when I first started. Find a blog where someone says they are struggling and it may have zero comments. Find one where someone has lost 100 lbs and eats perfectly and works out every day? 200 comments. I could be generalizing here, but it is something I have noticed. Iím not saying we shouldnít celebrate the people who have done well, but letís lift up those that havenít as well. I definitely have stopped blogging as much because of it.

- It just has to be said Ė the ads on this site are insane. I know they have to pay to keep it free somehow, but my goodness have they gotten crazy. There are ways to have ads on your site without making it so cumbersome or awful.

I feel like Iím at the starting line of another period of change in my life. My job is going through changes, my bf and I are going through changes (getting a house and a dog? Hello!), and Iíd love for my dedication to wellness to be part of those changes as well. I just donít know about Spark anymore.

Iíve been struggling a bit, personally. Feel like Iím dipping a toe back into the depression pool again but Iím trying to fight it. My eating has been kind of whatever and I have had less drive to do anything besides walk. I know I need to make sure Iím not drinking a glass of wine to relax every single night. Maybe this is just a phase? Or just the catalyst before that period of change I feel coming down the line? Deep thoughts manÖ

On the happiness front, my bf and I decided to hold off on the puppy until after our vacation to Colorado in two weeks. Doesnít make sense to bring an infant into the house and leave it. Iím super excited but I know this makes the most logical approach to the situation! We have to come up with possible names anyways! I think the vacation just became real to me this morning as well. Starting to get super excited to head out West again. Always feels good for the soul!

Anyways, Iím not planning on ditching Spark today but Iíve definitely got a lot on my mind. I know I owe it to myself to get healthy and Iíve gotta consider my options. Would appreciate any advice you may have : )

Hope you are having a great week so far!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SDLEE514 9/2/2014 8:36PM

    I guess my immediate reaction is why it has to be all or nothing. While I agree with a LOT of the previous comments here (and much of what you say). When people say they are tempted to "leave" Spark, it makes me sad. Like you'll never come back. Spark is always there, you don't have to leave it for good and you can be involved in it as little or as much as you want, so I guess I just don't see the point of declaring you're "leaving" (not you specifically, just in general). I may be speaking (inappropriately) for the masses, but I think there's a lot of less active people on here who still get a lot out of reading others struggles and accomplishments (I know I do!). Then again, that's a pretty selfish argument lol. In the end, you obviously need to take an approach that benefits you best. I hope we can still keep in touch off-site emoticon

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VANESSAVOS13 8/26/2014 11:28AM

    This blog sounds like I wrote it. I feel ya, 100%. I am logging my food and my fitness in the background but haven't really been part of the Spark community at all. I haven't felt the desire to blog because I don't have many positive things to say about my weight loss journey so I feel like it's not worth blogging since it will be negative and whiny. Lots of positive things going on in my life, just not weight loss wise. I 100% agree with your blog.

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PHEBESS 8/20/2014 1:04PM

    Depending on your browser, there are ways to block the ads. I hated paying for them when we were buying data time for our wifi device overseas.

And, well, I'll miss you if you're gone.

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BOBCATGIRL76 8/20/2014 11:29AM

    Great blog. I hope you don't leave Spark but I can understand your sentiments. I'll be the first to admit that I need to spend more time reading the blogs of the newest members of SparkPeople and supporting those who need it. Also, super jealous of the puppy! I keep trying to talk J.D. into it, but we're also wrestling with the
"we work and shouldn't leave it alone all day" guilt too. I hope you post pictures when you do!

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GRUMBLEGIRL 8/19/2014 10:36PM

    I've been taking a little break myself. I've just been in a real funk and tracking has gone by the wayside too. I relate to all that you've said. Maybe just take a break. Have a great trip. I love Colorado. Can't wait to hear about your puppy adventures!!!

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RAINA413 8/19/2014 4:03PM

    OBVIOUSLY I don't want you to leave, but we have become good friends so I know we will chat elsewhere off-site.

That said, this was a great blog. You have vocalized much of what I have been thinking as well. I have stopped tracking my food, but I still do workouts. One without the other doesn't really make sense, though. And like you said, I don't really feel the sting of not tracking anymore.

The vibes here have changed for sure. I couldn't agree more! Nobody helps to pick you up when youíre down. Rarely do you get encouraging words when you need it. And it seems that the only comments I get on my blogs are from close friends or random religous Sparkers quoting scripture. I have nothing against Christians, but this is about FITNESS, not religion. I agree. I really feel like we have lost that supportive community vibe that so appealed to me when I first started. Find a blog where someone says they are struggling and it may have zero comments. Find one where someone has lost 100 lbs and eats perfectly and works out every day? 200 comments. YES!! So true! Celebrate the people who have done well, but make sure you also lift up those that havenít as well...they need our love and support even more!

And finally, the ads. SO TRUE!! I get that they need them to keep the site free, but they have really and truly gotten insane. There are ways to have ads on your site without making it so cumbersome or awful or completely bog down your computer!! I mean, JEEZE!!! I may end up leaving simply due to that!


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SONICB 8/19/2014 2:16PM

    My gawd, the ads on this site have gotten ridiculous. There were times when I considered leaving SP.com completely because of them! (Although I wonder if something like AdBlock would get rid of them completely...)

I've also noticed over the years that Spark members will just randomly disappear without warning... some of them re-emerge, but most of them seem to be gone for good. It's the natural course of events on a social media website, I think.

Being a social media site, it does eat up some time in the day. Sounds like you're debating whether it's a worthwhile investment. You could always take a Spark break and see how you like it--the site will prooobably still be here if you decide you miss it. :)

P.S. OOOOOO PUPPY!!!!!!!!!!!

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IRP1114 8/19/2014 2:00PM

    Great blog. Good for you in just letting it all out. Sometimes that is all we need. There are days like this for all of us. And spark for the most part is positive. It does have it;s negative side of course. But as everything else in life it is all how we look at it. I think today your mind has gone to see more of the bad side of things and that is okay. You got it out and hopefully are moving on from these thoughts. I know you will find a way to bounce back and find your happy place with or without that new puppy! emoticon emoticon

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CHODGES83 8/19/2014 1:59PM

    Okay, I don't want you to leave, but I understand that if you're not getting the results that it does seem like a "crazy" thing to keep doing. I have been a member for about 3yrs and have never came closer to my goal than 10lbs and that didn't last long. I have seen significant changes in my body, but I don't necessarily know if that is from tracking. I do think I have found more support here than from people I actually know. Which seems strange, but there is definitely a feeling of being in the same boat and pulling for your sparkfriends that I don't find anywhere else. Maybe take some time and evaluate what you want out of spark. If you can't find a way to utilize it in a way that works for you and encourage your wellbeing I'll be sad to see you go.

PS - these ads are the pits

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IAMZBEE 8/19/2014 1:47PM

    I've had the same feeling about spark for a while myself. I don't track anymore on here (and haven't for a few years now). The site itself became cumbersome. The phone apps costly (back when they weren't free). And the support has really dwindled (like you pointed out). There are a handful of sparkfriends that I truly enjoy reading their blogs and supporting them, but it's just not the same as it once was.... Maybe it's due to so many other sites out there offering a similar product... maybe it's all of the phone apps.... maybe it's just me.... either way, there's something missing.

I've definitely felt it. Probably why I hardly ever blog anymore myself.....

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EVIE4NOW 8/19/2014 1:43PM

  Gosh, I envy you your vacation. Can I come? LOL. Life brings all kinds of changes, sometimes when you least expect it. I am sorry you have lost so many friends without a word. I do wonder how good of friends they were to show such a lack of consideration. If they had told you, you could've exchanged emails to be able to keep in touch. I too am addicted to Spark, simply because I like to be able to keep score on my glucose and carbs and am still learning things. Trivia questions prove that lol. Whatever you decide, I hope you will let your friends know.

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INDELIBLE_INK 8/19/2014 11:26AM

    Hello, I read this post off a link in one of the bootcamp challenges and wanted to stop for a moment to nod and agree with many of your points about Spark and the absence of "community."

I have been a member since 2008. I asked for SparkBuddies years ago, and not one member stepped up. I got used to that. I think a lot of members get overwhelmed by the sheer effort it takes to achieve goals, whether we track it here or elsewhere.

My body has changed significantly since I started SparkPeople. Due to illness and injuries I have gained and lost weight several times. As my Spark page notes, sometimes I can only come and spin for a few login points. I have been close to my goal weight, and maintained weight halfway through, but like you, my goal has been elusive. Sometimes I am here only to stay alive and my weight or fitness level are irrelevant for awhile while I track medical data or read articles to keep a finger in or brighten my outlook.

I have never left Spark outright, but there are times where I am gone for months or years before I am ready to lean on the resources and tap into the community again. I still find good people here and I don't take it as seriously as I once did. This is a lifestyle change after all, and I do much better here when I don't over-commit, instead sliding principles, ideas, and comforting thoughts from message boards into my life to keep me going--no matter how slowly.

It seems to me that you are in much the same place I was when I learned to let go of the "Kool-Aid" effect around here. Letting go of the self-dissecting, "keeping up with the Jones'" aspect of my early Spark days has helped me and I find I no longer beat myself up so badly when I can't, or won't, keep up with a team, site trend, or my own goal tracking. I had to learn to make Spark work for me and not use it as a stick to beat myself into some sort of nutrition, fitness, or Spark community penance.

Changing my body has certainly changed my mind and I am glad I am not the only one. Congratulations on all the positive changes in your life. I hope you find what works for you. I know being absent for a while has helped me many times and it might help you too as you adapt to all these major shifts in your life.

Good luck.

Comment edited on: 8/19/2014 11:34:32 AM

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GONABFITCOWGIRL 8/19/2014 10:51AM

    i'm so glad i'm not the only one feeling this way. even though its a bad feeling, its always nice to not be alone. I am still debating leaving Spark for good. i've been on here for 4 years and i just dont feel the love anymore.

Yes i hit my goal weight once on here. I hit my highest wieght ever on here and my lowest weight since i started. But somehow none of that matters.

i will always read your blogs and will always be there for you because you have always been someone i can count on.

I am so excited about the puppy! please keep me updated and take a million photos while you're in Colorado :)

I only have one request. If you decide to leave spark please message me your personal email so that we can stay in touch

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CRAMPERELLA 8/19/2014 10:48AM

    You have made some good points but it would be sad to see you leave Spark! If your goal is simply weight loss then it can get disheartening if the scale isn't giving you what you want. We emotional eaters are all struggling. I personally have had to learn to avoid the areas of Spark that cause me nothing but anxiety. By focusing my journey on wellness, both physical and mental, and measuring my goals in behaviours, not numbers, I have achieved what for me is a large measure of success. I think you can use Spark to meet YOUR goals. For me, learning what is driving my eating disorder is more important than the number on the scale. I just want a sane relationship with food. As my relationship becomes more balanced, the weight is coming off...SLOWLY, but that is not my primary goal.
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MRSCAMACHO 8/19/2014 10:43AM

    These are definitely very deep thoughts. But it is always good to reexamine what is best for you. If something doesn't work or fit you anymore, reevaluation is a must. I'm sorry the people who were really there for you are not any longer. And you're right, we do need to make sure to lift up both those who are struggling and those who are knocking it out of the park. I usually try to read the blogs of those who might need a little pick-me-up, but that's just me. I really hope you find whatever is going to make you feel motivated/determined. Even if that means letting Sparkpeople go for a bit. You can always come back here. I did, and I'm so glad about that!

Your vacation sounds amazing, as do the changes you wrote about! Congrats on the house and the eventual new pup! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us today! I wish you nothing but the best on your journey emoticon

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Highlights & Hindsight

Friday, August 08, 2014

I think my mental crisis has somewhat abated as the week has gone on. I had a little funk and I had to work through it.

A few highlights of this week:

- Exceeded my step goal every day

- I have convinced co-workers to take our meetings outside for a ďwalking meetingĒ Ė twice this week!

- I had two people tell me I looked skinner/asked if I lost weight

- I made two new healthy pinterest recipes this week, one of which was pretty good and the second was AMAZING. My first try at kebobs on the grill was a home run! I still had a moment where I was in awe of the fact that I was eating whole mushrooms. Who am I?!

- Packed or cooked 95% of my meals. My intern and I went to a very fancy lunch yesterday for restaurant week. I only ate half of a roll and we split dessert and didnít finish it. I got lobster tacos and they were TINY Ė like 3 were the size of 1 taco bell taco. It was the only non-fried option and trust me I really wanted some of that fried stuff but said no. So I guess that worked out? My BF and I also celebrated National IPA Day yesterday with 2 beers so a little slip there as well?

- I only went to PT once this week. My doc is on vacation and I do not like the backup doc. He hurt me on Tuesday so I spent my PT time walking on Wednesday instead.

- I went to the grocery store last night and STOCKED UP. Wegmans sells these portioned marinated chicken breasts. I bought five packs to freeze for easy grillable dinners, with steam bag veggies and brown rice. Weíll have five easy go-to nights. Work has been really stressful lately and one of my excuses in my brain for not cooking is that Iím too tired/stressed, but having these types of dinners on hand will be a BIG help in sticking with it.

- I got a few things taken care of around the house. Finally framed our art for the living room! Everything is really starting to come together. Weíre seriously talking about getting a dog now. If anyone knows where/how I can adopt or buy a Boston Terrier, please let me know! Google hasnít been very helpful for our area. I know a doggie will help me get those steps in too!

This week got off to a rocky start, but in hindsight I think I did pretty well! Tried to keep myself up and going forward and I think it worked?

I have family visiting this weekend and next week. Gotta try to behave (family makes me want beer! Haha). The weather has been SO BEAUTIFUL so it hasnít been too hard to get my steps in because I havenít wanted to sit inside. I need to keep that momentum going. Iím also starting to put some ďpersonal plansĒ together Ė for example, I keep saying I want to start meditating, I need to DO IT. I am thinking about taking some career initiatives. Things like that. If I donít work on myself and make my life better, nobody will do it for me. Thatís my new mantra!


Anyways, hope you all have had a great week and have an even better weekend!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAINEMARIE214 8/18/2014 12:58PM

    I found my dog through puppyfinder.com. It's a website where you can search for specific breeds and they connect you with reputable breeders (not puppy mills). I wanted a very specific mixed breed (maltese / yorkie mix) so I knew I would have to go through a breeder to get her. She wasnt located anywhere near me so I did have to pay a shipping fee and they sent her to me in a crate in the cargo area of a plane. She was 8 weeks when I got her and she did fine. Since I live so far away from family, I fly to visit them a lot and bring her with me, and I dont think it was an issue. I paid about $750 total, including the airfare. I also signed an agreement that I would get her spayed.

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CHEMCHIC2006 8/18/2014 11:01AM

    Congrats on a great week! Walking meetings.. very innovative.

I don't know about adoptions specifically.. but I got my pug from Just Puppies. They are a local family business- I believe they have two locations; Rockville and Towson. They are a pet store, but they only sell puppies, most of which are purebred and/or specialty breeds. They ONLY source their puppies from USDA/state licensed breeders- no puppy mills. The puppies come with their initial shots/exams and are micro chipped. You have to sign an agreement saying you intend on spaying/neutering, and the shop pays for any illness the puppy may have within 30 days. You have to use one of their specific vets during the warranty time period though. (The closest one to me was Owings Mills at the time, which living in Harford county, was fairly inconvenient. I believe they use a vet in Perry Hall now too.. which is a much more central location.) The prices were reasonable (my pug was in between what a backyard breeder and a general pet store would cost.. being a similar brachycephalic breed, I'm guessing Bostons might go for $800-900 like pugs, but I could be wrong.) You can go on their website and they actually list the puppies they have on hand at the moment, but you can fill out a request to be notified when a specific breed comes in. They also have a great FAQ section, and general puppy care info.

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SDLEE514 8/18/2014 10:20AM

    Yay! That's my mantra too! If you don't work on something for yourself nobody else is going to do it for you (or, be inspired by you!) All of that sounds right on track--you're on a roll for sure! Ha IPA day included. Hope things went well with your family

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IRP1114 8/15/2014 1:04PM

    You are rocking it girl! CONGRATS!!!! Wooohoooo to being so on top of your eating and meals! That is just awesome. Totally worth the effort. It will all become a habit and progress will be inevitable!
Keep up the great work. And good luck with the family visit!
Ps Deepak has another 21 day meditation challenge going right now! It started on Monday so you can still listen to the first day. Each day is available for free for 5 days I believe. emoticon

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OPTIMIST1948 8/10/2014 10:15PM

    Talk to your local shelter. I think if you are honest with them "I want this type of dog" they may keep you in mind if one finds its way to your door.

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RAINA413 8/10/2014 11:57AM

    WOW!! You are a total ROCKSTAR!! Good for you for turning things around and focusing on the positives! I love that walking meeting idea. I am going to see if I can make that happen in my office as well.

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CHODGES83 8/8/2014 2:30PM

    So glad you're week turned around! Hope the weekends treats you just as well :)

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GONABFITCOWGIRL 8/8/2014 9:46AM

    sounds like you have a good plan. Even better things seem to be looking up. I love the idea of walking meetings!! that would be awesome. Keep up the good work girl

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DEW1960 8/8/2014 9:19AM

    Thank you for your blog post today.

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May God richly bless you and your family today and this weekend.

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Welcome to your Weekend!

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Love,

Daniel Walker

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JOHNMARTINMILES 8/8/2014 9:11AM

    So a good week in the record book. Now have a good day and then another and then it has ben another good week

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Nature v. Nurture & Weight

Tuesday, August 05, 2014

Iím having one of those days where my brain keeps turning on itself for no good reason. I think I feel a sense of change coming again, not sure why or how or whatÖ maybe Iím just growing up a little more?

Iím thinking this all traces back to Sunday. My mom brought over this HUGE pile of pictures from when I was growing up. I spent a while going through them, organizing them, putting them in storage boxes.

I can look at them now and recognize a few things, not all of which I want to talk about here. But one of which is definitely Sparkpeople related- my weight.

I can put a timeline together of photos and chart my weight with it. I have never, ever been a ďnaturally skinnyĒ person. Even as a child, Iím bigger than the other kids. My parents let me pick clothes that definitely didnít do me any favors. Then I see pictures of the Junior/Senior year of high school where I pretty much wasnít eating and I was ďthinnerĒ but by no means the thinnest of my group, and I realized how much I struggled to even get that small. You can see it on my face in some pictures, I look strained.

Even scarier, I see my mom and even my grandmothers in these pictures and I see what I could easily become. My mom has ALWAYS struggled with her weight. You can see it back to the days when I was an infant in the pictures.

When we were at the beach, I saw a whole family out for a jog one morning. I noted to my bf that my family has NEVER had an interest in fitness. I was never raised that way. We didnít hike, or jog, or do anything physical like boating or swimming or really anything at all. Both my nature and my nurture are working against me, it feels like it at least.

I find myself struggling to get into any sort of groove with fitness. Food has become easier with time, although I still have days, but I just cannot get there with fitness. I try to go for walks as much as possible, but gyms honestly freak me out. It is only getting worse. I donít feel comfortable there, I feel like I have to force myself and its all this big negative thing in my head that I canít get past and I really believe I have to undo like 27 years of whatís been ingrained in my head. Plus my nature, my body, has clearly inherited the same weight problems of my ancestors so I have to do SOMETHING about that.

I really want to break the chain. Iíve done it with other things in my life, I have to be able to do it with my weight too right?

Do you think you can undo genetics? Do genetics mean Iíll ďnaturallyĒ struggle with this forever? I look at my mom, dad, aunts, uncles, grandparents Ė we are NOT a naturally thin family. Getting to the point where I am with food has taken years and I know I still have work to do thereÖ but I know my fitness needs improvement even more.

Iím curious to hear what you all think. Can your nurture overthrow your nature? Maybe Iím just barking up the wrong (family) tree?!

  
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SDLEE514 8/18/2014 9:34AM

    Yes and No. ugh I know, but you had to figure there wouldn't be a simple answer right?! Gotta love your family, but genetics--they kind of suck lol (don't tell my sister that, she works in that field). You absolutely can break the chain/cycle in terms of putting fitness and health first--you're already doing that. I was brought up on hikes and cross country skiing and dance and swimming...my mother wasn't and she opted out on most of our outings. Until recently when she's put her health first and she's come a long way. But its obvious between my sister and I who go the genetic short end of the stick (that would be me.) My mother/her sister/their mother(my grandmother) all struggled with their weight. I've inherited their batwing arms and overall body shape--ALL of them have it; its clearly genetic. my sister got my dad's side (skinny, gravitates towards eating like birds doesn't like anything too sweet).
I struggle accepting my body and my arms. They will always be like that because they are from genetics. As others have said, it can make it harder. But I think what matters most is not to give in to the "it doesn't matter, I'm just destined to be overweight/have big arms/be unhealthy" mindset. emoticon You're strong and you know what to focus on!

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KIKKI-G 8/7/2014 3:20PM

    I have the same issue & looking at old pictures definitely had the same effect on me too. My family(both sides) have always struggled with weight & has always been a topic growing up.
I remember going to the next greatest fads in fitness with my mom whether it be just to wait for her or being a part of it (those moving "exercise" bed things in the 80's, curves or works videos...) but then going home to eat hamburger helper & eat whatever other junk is in the house. I was really active with my dad but he put negative body image thoughts on me saying things like "no guys going to like a fat girl" & i've ALWAYS struggled internally with weight/food growing up (i.e.: secret binge eating & getting in trouble for it then continuing to do it because i'm upset at myself or wearing a girdle or spanx under everything to make me feel better).

I do believe we can change our path but our past just makes it that we have to work that much harder as we are kind of hardwired a certain way because of it all ( we don't just have our physical to change but out mental too). My boyfriend also struggled with weight & was brought up the same way.We struggle alongside each other but it is hard to get out of a habit with someone who struggles with the same addiction/problem.

It seriously is baby steps i've come to realize, one step forwards two steps back mostly. I've lost & regained many times & it never gets easier but with our pasts we just have to keep pushing it as I really believe we CAN do it.

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SONICB 8/6/2014 4:56PM

    You can fight genetics to some extent, they really mostly determine how much effort you have to put in to maintain some level of fitness. It's important to recognize what is realistically achievable for your body given your genes, but a family history of weight issues doesn't mean you have to share the same fate. You can still work towards the best, healthiest body that you yourself can have; it just might not be the same as the healthiest body as the person standing next to you.

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CHODGES83 8/6/2014 4:01PM

    I have wondered about the whole genetics thing as well. Several family members on maternal and paternal side struggle with weight and have a "stout" build. We were a moderately active family (this has changed as we've all gotten older), but we've also been a country/farm fed or convenience food family. Sometimes I think it's like cholesterol. You can be doing all the right things, but that doesn't change your genes. Of course, healthy choices are healthy so keep barking up that tree.
emoticon emoticon


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IRP1114 8/6/2014 12:47PM

    Honest truth. None of that has to define who you are right now or who you will be tomorrow. You can chose what you become by setting your mind on what you want your life/body to be like. Take control of what you can and make it happen! I would end up writing a book here on how "imperfect" my childhood was. Look back at the happy parts and don't let your mind focus on all the little things that where wrong or that you think define who you are. emoticon

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RAINA413 8/5/2014 2:38PM

    Wow. This REALLY spoke to me. I struggle with the same things and have often wondered the same things you have brought up here. I struggle not to become my mother or my grandmother. My family also never had an interest in fitness, however, I have decided to choose healthy over thin. If I am not the thinnest in the group I am ok with that because I am probably the most fit, the healthiest eater, or certainly the happiest and least stressed. I think it all just depends on where you decide to put your focus. Due to genetics there are some things we just can't overcome, however, we can make the best of those issues that we can overcome.

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UMBILICAL 8/5/2014 1:46PM

  All

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Vaycay

Friday, August 01, 2014

Quick update!

My steps counts for vacation look amazing. We did tons of walking. I doubled my average every dayÖ.. and I probably doubled my average calories each day too. We packed breakfast/lunches but I swear dinner and our many brewery visits negated it all. I feel kind of bloated and my skirt is tight today Ė not good signs!

Got off to a rocky start at vacation Ė my neck tried to give me a migraine so the first night I was in bed pretty quickly. The second day, not 15 minutes after we got on the beach, I had to call 9-1-1 for stranded swimmers. The lifeguards were not on duty yet and I think this guy and his wife got caught in a rip tide and panicked. It was a bit scary but I am SO glad that I brought my phone to the beach and we were there to help. Beach patrol & 911 responded very quickly and were able to pull them in before theyÖ wellÖ drowned. Lesson here folks is to never swim without a guard around, know your strength and the ocean, and know what to do in a rip tide.

Besides that, we relaxed on the beach, played some arcade games, and saw a Spanish Galleon. Iíve got a little sunburn in a bad place, letís just say I missed a critical spot that doesnít usually see much sun. Ouch!

I donít know why coming back to work on a Friday was a good idea, but here I am. Still a lot of uncertainty and craziness and such going on here, but the time away really did help.

Got my meals planned for next week. Iíve been breaking in my speedforms so hopefully we have some good walking weather days. If not, I REALLY want to get into pilates or yoga again. My BF had a big talk about it at the beach and I think at least 2x/week I should be doing it. I canít build strength and sanity if I donít stick with it! Iím really trying to find stuff with a good mix of exercise and mental help lol. Plus my skirt really is a bit tight today and that is no bueno.

Anyways, hope you all had a great week!

  
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GONABFITCOWGIRL 8/5/2014 10:08AM

    sounds like you had a very eventful vacation! Good for you for saving those swimmers, i would have been terrified! So glad you stayed mostly on track and have a great plan to keep it up.

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SDLEE514 8/4/2014 12:01PM

    umm wow, how do you always find yourself in crazy situations? glad you were able to call for those people!
Happy for your vacation, glad you enjoyed your time!! Way to go on planning your meals!

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SONICB 8/3/2014 2:12PM

    OMG, you saved their lives! That's amazing. So glad you were there at the right time and had your phone. People are always underestimating how dangerous the ocean is--that thing is a HUGE body of water and super powerful.

Best of luck getting back on track! I need to do that too.

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GRUMBLEGIRL 8/2/2014 7:35AM

    Glad you had fun. It's nice to get away. Your skirt will ease with a few days of going back to your normal routine!! That's what happened for me over this past week.

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RAINA413 8/1/2014 4:02PM

    I know you will get yourself right back on track!

That said, I am so glad you were able to take a vacation! After the year you have had, no one deserves it more than you.

Loved all the photos you posted on FB, especially the one with the Spanish Galleon! How cool was that?!?!

I am so glad that you had your cell phone so you were able to assist in the rescue of that couple. How terrifying!!!

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IRP1114 8/1/2014 2:56PM

    Welcome back! Glad you had a good vacation.
Glad you had your phone too!! Scary. Hope that sunburn heals quick!

Sounds like you have a plan and are jumping right back into things. Way to go getting meals planned already. That is awesome ; )!




Comment edited on: 8/1/2014 2:58:18 PM

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