Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Lately I've been really annoyed and ashamed of myself. All my clothes are snug, again. I don't socialize with my friend because she has been on this biking/exercise kick for a few years and looks amazing. It makes me feel even worse about myself.
I haven't put forth any effort whatsoever to exercise or better my situation except to not eat a lot of stuff. I eat pleanty, but I've stayed away from the snacks and goodies. My saving grace I suppose is that those foods make me nauseated.
Well on Monday I did 10 minutes or so of just general moving. That was a start and a vast improvement from previous months. I repeated this on Tuesday, in spite of the monster allergy headache. I started walking in place, some tae-bo moves I remember, some leg lifts, etc. Just to get myself moving again. Fantasies of fixing up my exercise area in the basement are starting to pop up.
I have not had coffee or creamer since Saturday and have started making a morning tea instead. My tea has no sugar in it.
I've been in that phase where I want to, but I don't and it's starting to shift to where I want to and I do a little bit.
One thing is for sure, things can't stay the same because I'm miserable and that leads to very bad places for me. Depression for one, self-loathing, tired all the time, etc. We don't want to go there.
Oh how I wish there was a pill to get me to where I want to be. But you know what, in a way that would cheapen the experience when I get healthy and into a normal weight range because without the struggle, I will never know how much effort it has taken and we all know that we don't appreciate things that are given to us as much as we appreciate things that we work for.
So here's to a few small steps in the right direction. I am planning on making many more small steps. Walmart will provide me with some fresh veggies for dinner. Greek salad, I love Greek salads :)
Have a great day folks. I will be over here, picking up the pieces of this mess I've made. One piece at a time.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
I've pretty much been just going along and not really putting forth much effort. That phase is ending and now I'm ready to get moving again.
My hiatus netted me about 1.5 lbs. Ok, that's better than expected, I was really, really dreading the reality check this morning (aka the scale). I could stew about time wasted, but we won't go there. I'm grabing this momentum and going with it.
I'm even drinking more water, something I've struggled with my entire life. So far so good.
See ya tomorrow!
Friday, May 16, 2014
I've got the feeling that I'm living someone elses life. It's weird and hard to explain, but the gist is that things in my life are not to my liking.
My house is messy, that's so unlike me.
I'm eating foods that I didn't normally eat, but now do. (fried, sauce/cheese covered, etc).
I don't do things that give me enjoyment, but instead sit around and do nothing.
There are more things, but I won't get into it all. Bottom line is that my current situation does not feel right. It feels off, kind of odd and ill fitting at the moment.
Not sure what to do about it, if anything. I COULD clean the house I suppose, but that's a futile effort since nobody else seems to notice the mess, nor are they bothered by it, plus we have more stuff than we have house, so it's just moving things from point A to point B and back again. I've spent huge amounts of time cleaning and cleaning and only have a messy house to show for it. Not interested in putting forth the effort any longer. This attitude is distressing since I do enjoy a clean home. After a while you realize that you can't have what you want, so you give up.
I know I was depressed, and still can be at times. Mostly I'm not depressed anymore. Nor am I as anxious as I had been. Still it feels like I'm walking around in someone elses life. Told you this was a weird blog!
~The ramblings of a slightly warped mind :)
Monday, April 21, 2014
This week I will focus on:
getting the sugar back out of my diet, it's creaping back in because I'm not paying close attention.
drinking good for me liquids and no more diet sodas, which have also found their way back into my life. Kicking those out again too. I've had more in the past 2 weeks than I've had probably in the last 6 months or more. No More.
planning for a weekend away from home and will make conscious decisions not to indulge in everything that comes my way. I'm SURE most restaurants offer salads and healthier entrees. I will make every effort to stay on the good side of nutrition.
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