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BUTRFLY_FREEDOM's Recent Blog Entries

Away for a While

Monday, August 01, 2011

So, everyone knows I'm moving. Well, we got the internet ordered today, but they said it will take about 2 weeks to get the modem in the mail!! 2011 and we still have to wait that long for a modem!!

So, effective Wednesday I will be without internet until I get that modem. I sure hope it comes early!!!!!

Anyway, this one is gonna be short, just wanted to let everyone know I haven't disappeared permanently. I WILL BE BACK!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ABRANNEWME2014 8/3/2011 7:25AM

    I hope it comes sooner for you


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IFDEEVARUNS2 8/2/2011 12:03PM

    See you back here soon!

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LOSINGLINNDY 8/2/2011 12:04AM

    I will miss you so much. Hope your move goes well. Talk to you soon, I hope.


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BUTRFLY_FREEDOM 8/1/2011 10:28PM

    I know! Or delivery! lol!

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MKPRINCESS007 8/1/2011 9:51PM

    Oh no! That stinks! Did they ever hear of express???????????

Come back soon!


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Moving and Healing

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Ok, so this week (and next too) has been hectic. Crazy. See, I'm moving next week and I have to get the majority of the stuff packed today and tomorrow. (I'm in a wheelchair, and my fiance lives an hour away (in the same town we're moving to) So, that means that we have to bust our butts on his days off, wednesday and thursday and early friday. We've been sorting and packing the last three weeks, but since we only have one whole day each week to actually do stuff (wed I pick him up, and friday I take him home) we don't get much done... and since a lot of the stuff I still have to use daily, I can't pack everything early. So that means a LOT of work at the end.
We spent a LOT of today packing up pots and pans and dishes and washing clothes. And sorting through a mountain of boxes of stuff for a yardsale we're having tomorrow. It was hot, sweaty and exhausting.

Yesterday was horrible though. Yesterday was another orthopedic appointment. I got new xrays done and my bones are healing good. Doc wanted to start me on water therapy next week (to teach my foot how to walk again), we even scheduled the appt. But then the rehab place called this morning and got bad news. See, I don't have health insurance. My car insurance only covered 10k worth of bills and the balance I owe now is over 100k. I'm not working due to the accident and that means I can't pay for appointments. I had applied for an assistance program the hospital offers and I'm in the process of getting that taken care of. However, the rehab place doesn't accept that. Which means I have to separately apply for THEIR assistance program. sigh. So, until all that goes through, I can't do my therapy. Hopefully it doesn't take too long. I. Want. To. Walk!

Yesterday was a LONG day. I had to be in town at Noon to meet my fiance for lunch. Which was a sandwich, small, and with veggies. I had even brough me some mini carrots to snack on after my appt in case I got hungry before dinner at my sisters. However, my 1:30p appt at the ortho lasted until 5pm. I was starving, everyone was starving (four of us) and my sister informs me that the chicken we were planning to cook was still frozen and would still be 7 or so before we could eat. Everyone gave up on that and decided on pizza. I haven't had pizza (or anything anywhere near that unhealthy in about 2 months and I agonized over the fat grams..Initially. but ya know? I ate it anyway. It was good. And I don't feel a bit guilty. I've already accepted that this week and next are going to be crazy and there might be some eating out. Thats fine with me. I'll hope right back on the train as soon as I'm unpacked.

Besides, I've only gained 2lbs since being weighed a month or so after my accident. I had lost 10 in the hospital in rehab, so I'm still 8lbs lighter than before the accident. Which is GREAT, considering I've worked out a total of an hour since then. I've been on my rear a lot... kinda hard to hop around on one foot while nursing broken ribs and such.

So I'm happy! And in one week, I will be completely settled (for the most part) and able to totally focus again. I'm happy with that!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    I'm honestly speechless. Wow. Sorry - had to take a moment... I am so impressed by you! You're keeping such a positive attitude in the face of such incredible challenges. I'm TERRIFIED of getting in an accident, and how quickly it can destroy a person's finances, let alone ability to work, take care of oneself, etc. The thought of so much debt is crippling, and having to navigate those assistance programs (and all of their red tape, because of course nothing is easy!) must be so frustrating and stressful - on top of the pain you must be in! You're doing AMAZINGLY. I can't say it enough - AMAZING! You go, girl!!!

Comment edited on: 8/1/2011 7:49:55 PM

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CEKER9 7/29/2011 8:56PM

    Good luck on the move... I've done more than my share of them. I trust you get through it with ease! I trust you can find a way to find out what exercises to start with and get started on your road back to walking. LOSINGLINNDY has a great idea about doing it in the bathtub or a kids pool in the back yard might work too.


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THATGIRL7 7/29/2011 9:55AM

    Congrats for keep going on.

I hope everything's going to be okay for the boxes!

Way to go for maintaining your weight loss !


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LOSINGLINNDY 7/28/2011 11:22PM

    You are doing so well with your weight. Hoping the move goes just as well.

Why don't you fill the bath tub and start doing some small exercises there for you foot. It would be a start anyway.

Good luck with the yard sale.

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VALKYRIA- 7/28/2011 10:32PM

    it is awesome that you haven't gained and even managed to lose some weight after something that traumatic... I know I would not have been able to. emoticon

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I will be a better parent to MYSELF.

Monday, July 25, 2011

This is a blog prompt from one the teams I'm in, "Inner Journey" ( www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
) and when combined with a quote in a recent spark email:

"You must be careful how you walk and where you go, for there are those following you who will set their feet where yours are set."

- Robert E. Lee, Civil War General

Well...the topic kind of called to me. See, my fiance has decided to file for custody of his two children (right now he only gets every other weekend with them) due to some serious issues of safety when they stay with their mom. And since we will be moving in together next week, if he gets them, that will mean that they will be with him AND me all the time. I have known from the beginning that this was always a possibility and I am prepared for it (as much as a non-mom can be).

So when I saw that quote, and the blog prompt... it got me to thinking. Do I do things that I WOULDN'T want anyone, especially a child, to follow me in? Hell, yeah (see right there. I cuss. A LOT). Spend way too much time on the computer? Yup. Spend too many days without seeing sunlight? Yup again. (Can't really use my injury as a excuse, seeing as this isn't much different than before... only I don't have to drive to work 5 days a week).

But there are also habits that I grew up with, that I'm trying to break, that I would never ever teach a child. I love my parents, but they were horrible when it came to nutrition. I remember one day my mom and I split a WHOLE half gallon of butter pecan icecream. I'm surprised that when I left home, I only weighed 180! But our whole menu was bad: breakfast was sugary cereal or greasy bacon and eggs loaded with butter, lunch was usually a sandwich (not too bad), and dinner was always cooked from home ... but it was usually something fried. These meals alone weren't THAT bad. But the snacks were. Always snacks. Cookies and cake, and cheesecake, icecream... and NEVER did we look at servings. Though it could have been worse. I guess the only reason I didn't weigh more was because our strict budget left us with enough food for the meal. No leftovers (or seconds).

When I moved out, it got real bad though. I moved from a teeny little, non-town in Florida (pop. 300 when I left... about 500 now) to Orlando. The difference? No fast food available vs. No streets without fast food. I two years, I think I gained 40lbs. Simply because I didn't cook. I hated it and I still do. I still feel like it's precious time out of my day that I could be doing something else (I seriously could LIVE off a slow cooker folks). I hate to prepare. I hate to stand over the stove and I absolutely hate to run the oven (Florida, 100 degrees, NO AC!). Thankfully, the apartment where I'm moving DOES have ac, but I'm looking forward to cooking like a sailor headed for a Pirates gangplank.

I've made it the last few weeks on easy stuff. Meals that take less than 10 mins to prepare. They've been healthy, filling and all that... but they have been expensive. I won't have that luxury when I move (technically, I don't now).

But my point in this LOOOONG mess, is that I don't want to teach that thinking to a child... and if I were my own parent, I would never have allowed that thinking in the first place. So! Here is how I will be a better parent to MYSELF and any children that might be watching me!

*Be supportive - This is a long and hard journey. There will be slips and falls along the way. I just gotta get up again and keep going.

*Be calm- Getting upset over trivial things is only detrimental in the long run.

*Be nice- The old saying "You'll get more flies with honey than vinegar" is true. I'm learning it. Slowly. I'm giving up my machine gun.

*Be accepting- Of flaws, of personalities, of things that annoy me. Just like me, the annoying person may have a history they are trying to overcome and they just don't know how to express themselves yet.

*Be patient- Not everyone moves, thinks, acts, talks, reads, as fast as I do. And that's ok.

And I challenge ALL OF YOU to be better parents to YOURSELVES too!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VALKYRIA- 7/28/2011 6:46PM

    Good for you. It's great that you want to set a good example and treat yourself better. I TOTALLY KNOW how it feels to come from health-unconscious parents and a small town with few options to a big city full of delicious food (because I'm close to campus there are like 50 restaurants that will deliver, some for free).

KEEP IT UP! You can do it. emoticon

I will try to be better to myself too (not that I expect to have kids, but I am worth it too)

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THATGIRL7 7/26/2011 10:03AM

    Ow, I totally understand you! I also have a boyfriend with kids (3), but right now we don't have custody. I don't think I would be ready for that! I admire you! I would find that hard...

Parents aren't perfect, I think the best is that we do our possible. We're not super-women ! =P

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Changes Part 2

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

This is my foot today at almost 12 weeks after the accident. Big difference!!

and P.S. Dang these things take FOREVER to upload!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

INSHAPE2011 7/24/2011 5:03PM

    You've been through a lot and you are doing so well! Keep up the positive attitude, it's the secret to full recovery now!

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DEE797 7/21/2011 2:31PM

    You've come a long way. Hoping your recovery continues to go well.

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BUTRFLY_FREEDOM 7/20/2011 11:50PM

    Yes! I do feel very lucky!

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REDSHOES2011 7/19/2011 10:08PM

    Exciting video, your a very lucky lady the doctor could save your leg. Hang in there and wiggle those toes!

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BUTRFLY_FREEDOM 7/19/2011 7:00PM

    Haha, I guess you're right!

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THATGIRL7 7/19/2011 6:58PM

    You know, it was quite funny meeting your foot (that's the impression I had haha).

Keep on going!

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Tuesday, July 19, 2011

"If you focus on results, you will never change.
If you focus on change, you will get results."
~Jack Dixon

I have been MIA on my blog for a week... but I haven't left spark. I've been very active in my groups and learning all that I can. And as stated above, I'm working on change. Some has been on purpose and some has sort of just happened.

I have changed my attitude toward food. I used to feel that eating right was a punishment...that I had been a bad girl (let myself become overweight) and healthy eating was my punishment. I hated it. I thought, I shouldn't have to skip the burger when no one else does. But I don't know, something in my head has shifted, and I don't mind so much. In fact, I have a SmartOnes box of strawberry cheese cakes in my freezer..and they have been there for two weeks untouched. I have a 12pack of soda, in flavors that I love, and in two weeks I have have drank two of them. I didn't plan this. I did not set any goals or limits for my soda intake... it just happened. And I've been drinking water instead, aside from one 8oz glass of sweet tea per day for the last couple days. However, I don't drink enough. Period. I rarely get 8 glasses of any liquid in a day, let alone plain water. I just don't feel thirsty. I know, I know! If you feel thirsty you're already dehydrated (but if I relied on thirst, I might never drink anything). It's very hard to remember to drink. I did manage to get in 7 glasses of water today, so that's progress.

I've also made some other random changes.

I never, ever, ever get enough protein. I feel like I could chew on jerky all day and still not get enough. SO! I decided, for now (until I really get this nutrition stuff down) I'm not going to force the protein. Instead, I am going to aim for my protein to about double the amount of fat I get. Which is roughly what the nutrition tracker has me set for. As long as I hit that ratio, for now I will be happy.

I also bought myself a little date organizer. You know, old fashioned, gotta scrape up a pen and actually WRITE things in it. I did consider using the various calendars I have online that can send nifty little emails to me when I have something to do. I also considered using the teeny little calendar in my cell phone which will give me handy little alerts. But I decided to go with a simple, hand written calendar. Why? Because WRITING something is so much more personal. WRITING has always been the way I studied for something, and always the best method for me to remember something. Now, I've tried this before. I would writing things down, but FORGET to look at it (sort of like my grocery list emoticon)! But this time feels different. My mind feels different. I actually believe that I can do this.

I also started exercising. Sure... I just started today... but I have to. I've lost so much muscle in my leg from not being able to use it... well I HAVE TO EXERCISE if I ever want to walk on this leg again. My foot can heal. The scars can fade...but if I don't get some muscle back, it won't matter. It's been 11 weeks and 3 days since my accident. Muscles atrophy starts as early as the second week of immobilization... so that's a long time for muscle to waste away. I wouldn't believe it if I didn't see it with my own eyes or feel it with my own hand. All I have to do is simply run my hands down my thighs. My left one has a nice curve of muscle and the right is sunken in. I found a 10 min video of chair cardio for seniors lol.. and those seniors were huffing and puffing much less than me... and it was a WEAK workout. My poor leg didn't know what to think. But I stretched, and it feels great. So yeah, I did some exercise today. And I'm gonna do it again tomorrow.

Which speaking of tomorrow, it already is tomorrow... so I think I'm going to emoticon now.

And for your viewing pleasure...

Day 1 - External fixator screwed into my leg before the initial brace was put on. Yes, screwed. I have the scars to prove it.

6 weeks ago when the cast was removed and I got my boot

and today....

See the next blog for a video of my foot!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEE797 7/21/2011 2:28PM

    You are making progress in healing and getting healthier. Wishing you continued success on your journey! emoticon

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MKPRINCESS007 7/21/2011 12:00AM

    Wonderful blog! It is amazing when things start coming together, when we least expect it, and it becomes a lifestyle instead of something imposed on us.

You poor leg looks like it have been through it.....glad you are nursing it back to health!


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SUNSHINEGB 7/19/2011 5:17PM

    You have a good attitude and mindset Kim and you'll do well! I can't imagine what that must have felt like with the external thing screwed into your leg ... you've been through a lot from that accident. My husband was laid up in the hospital for 3 months, could not walk and boy did his muscles atrophy! But he eventually went from wheelchair to walker to cane, still uses a cane but can walk without it! Keep going at it, you'll get there!
Food? Exercise? We're all struggling with that so know you're not alone. I've been 'up and down' for a long time but I'll get there with all the support and encouragement from SP friends!

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DEE0973 7/19/2011 2:46PM

    Great progress..Congrats

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MARTY728 7/19/2011 12:11PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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THATGIRL7 7/19/2011 12:10PM

    Way to go!

Congrats about switching your mind. This is weird, I know, but it also happened to me one day. I actually started WANTING fruits. Before, I hardly could have an apple per month!

I like how you started thinking. With the accident, it must be really hard to help your leg recover all the muscles. I admire you and your attitude.

Chair cardio is still cardio! Start slowly, I'm pretty sure you will see results soon enough!


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MEGHAN06031029 7/19/2011 11:53AM

    I love the change of attitude you have! I'm trying to do the same thng.

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