Thursday, July 28, 2011
Ok, so this week (and next too) has been hectic. Crazy. See, I'm moving next week and I have to get the majority of the stuff packed today and tomorrow. (I'm in a wheelchair, and my fiance lives an hour away (in the same town we're moving to) So, that means that we have to bust our butts on his days off, wednesday and thursday and early friday. We've been sorting and packing the last three weeks, but since we only have one whole day each week to actually do stuff (wed I pick him up, and friday I take him home) we don't get much done... and since a lot of the stuff I still have to use daily, I can't pack everything early. So that means a LOT of work at the end.
We spent a LOT of today packing up pots and pans and dishes and washing clothes. And sorting through a mountain of boxes of stuff for a yardsale we're having tomorrow. It was hot, sweaty and exhausting.
Yesterday was horrible though. Yesterday was another orthopedic appointment. I got new xrays done and my bones are healing good. Doc wanted to start me on water therapy next week (to teach my foot how to walk again), we even scheduled the appt. But then the rehab place called this morning and got bad news. See, I don't have health insurance. My car insurance only covered 10k worth of bills and the balance I owe now is over 100k. I'm not working due to the accident and that means I can't pay for appointments. I had applied for an assistance program the hospital offers and I'm in the process of getting that taken care of. However, the rehab place doesn't accept that. Which means I have to separately apply for THEIR assistance program. sigh. So, until all that goes through, I can't do my therapy. Hopefully it doesn't take too long. I. Want. To. Walk!
Yesterday was a LONG day. I had to be in town at Noon to meet my fiance for lunch. Which was a sandwich, small, and with veggies. I had even brough me some mini carrots to snack on after my appt in case I got hungry before dinner at my sisters. However, my 1:30p appt at the ortho lasted until 5pm. I was starving, everyone was starving (four of us) and my sister informs me that the chicken we were planning to cook was still frozen and would still be 7 or so before we could eat. Everyone gave up on that and decided on pizza. I haven't had pizza (or anything anywhere near that unhealthy in about 2 months and I agonized over the fat grams..Initially. but ya know? I ate it anyway. It was good. And I don't feel a bit guilty. I've already accepted that this week and next are going to be crazy and there might be some eating out. Thats fine with me. I'll hope right back on the train as soon as I'm unpacked.
Besides, I've only gained 2lbs since being weighed a month or so after my accident. I had lost 10 in the hospital in rehab, so I'm still 8lbs lighter than before the accident. Which is GREAT, considering I've worked out a total of an hour since then. I've been on my rear a lot... kinda hard to hop around on one foot while nursing broken ribs and such.
So I'm happy! And in one week, I will be completely settled (for the most part) and able to totally focus again. I'm happy with that!
Monday, July 25, 2011
This is a blog prompt from one the teams I'm in, "Inner Journey" ( www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=24989 ) and when combined with a quote in a recent spark email:
"You must be careful how you walk and where you go, for there are those following you who will set their feet where yours are set."
- Robert E. Lee, Civil War General
Well...the topic kind of called to me. See, my fiance has decided to file for custody of his two children (right now he only gets every other weekend with them) due to some serious issues of safety when they stay with their mom. And since we will be moving in together next week, if he gets them, that will mean that they will be with him AND me all the time. I have known from the beginning that this was always a possibility and I am prepared for it (as much as a non-mom can be).
So when I saw that quote, and the blog prompt... it got me to thinking. Do I do things that I WOULDN'T want anyone, especially a child, to follow me in? Hell, yeah (see right there. I cuss. A LOT). Spend way too much time on the computer? Yup. Spend too many days without seeing sunlight? Yup again. (Can't really use my injury as a excuse, seeing as this isn't much different than before... only I don't have to drive to work 5 days a week).
But there are also habits that I grew up with, that I'm trying to break, that I would never ever teach a child. I love my parents, but they were horrible when it came to nutrition. I remember one day my mom and I split a WHOLE half gallon of butter pecan icecream. I'm surprised that when I left home, I only weighed 180! But our whole menu was bad: breakfast was sugary cereal or greasy bacon and eggs loaded with butter, lunch was usually a sandwich (not too bad), and dinner was always cooked from home ... but it was usually something fried. These meals alone weren't THAT bad. But the snacks were. Always snacks. Cookies and cake, and cheesecake, icecream... and NEVER did we look at servings. Though it could have been worse. I guess the only reason I didn't weigh more was because our strict budget left us with enough food for the meal. No leftovers (or seconds).
When I moved out, it got real bad though. I moved from a teeny little, non-town in Florida (pop. 300 when I left... about 500 now) to Orlando. The difference? No fast food available vs. No streets without fast food. I two years, I think I gained 40lbs. Simply because I didn't cook. I hated it and I still do. I still feel like it's precious time out of my day that I could be doing something else (I seriously could LIVE off a slow cooker folks). I hate to prepare. I hate to stand over the stove and I absolutely hate to run the oven (Florida, 100 degrees, NO AC!). Thankfully, the apartment where I'm moving DOES have ac, but I'm looking forward to cooking like a sailor headed for a Pirates gangplank.
I've made it the last few weeks on easy stuff. Meals that take less than 10 mins to prepare. They've been healthy, filling and all that... but they have been expensive. I won't have that luxury when I move (technically, I don't now).
But my point in this LOOOONG mess, is that I don't want to teach that thinking to a child... and if I were my own parent, I would never have allowed that thinking in the first place. So! Here is how I will be a better parent to MYSELF and any children that might be watching me!
*Be supportive - This is a long and hard journey. There will be slips and falls along the way. I just gotta get up again and keep going.
*Be calm- Getting upset over trivial things is only detrimental in the long run.
*Be nice- The old saying "You'll get more flies with honey than vinegar" is true. I'm learning it. Slowly. I'm giving up my machine gun.
*Be accepting- Of flaws, of personalities, of things that annoy me. Just like me, the annoying person may have a history they are trying to overcome and they just don't know how to express themselves yet.
*Be patient- Not everyone moves, thinks, acts, talks, reads, as fast as I do. And that's ok.
And I challenge ALL OF YOU to be better parents to YOURSELVES too!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
This is my foot today at almost 12 weeks after the accident. Big difference!!
and P.S. Dang these things take FOREVER to upload!!!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
"If you focus on results, you will never change.
If you focus on change, you will get results."
I have been MIA on my blog for a week... but I haven't left spark. I've been very active in my groups and learning all that I can. And as stated above, I'm working on change. Some has been on purpose and some has sort of just happened.
I have changed my attitude toward food. I used to feel that eating right was a punishment...that I had been a bad girl (let myself become overweight) and healthy eating was my punishment. I hated it. I thought, I shouldn't have to skip the burger when no one else does. But I don't know, something in my head has shifted, and I don't mind so much. In fact, I have a SmartOnes box of strawberry cheese cakes in my freezer..and they have been there for two weeks untouched. I have a 12pack of soda, in flavors that I love, and in two weeks I have have drank two of them. I didn't plan this. I did not set any goals or limits for my soda intake... it just happened. And I've been drinking water instead, aside from one 8oz glass of sweet tea per day for the last couple days. However, I don't drink enough. Period. I rarely get 8 glasses of any liquid in a day, let alone plain water. I just don't feel thirsty. I know, I know! If you feel thirsty you're already dehydrated (but if I relied on thirst, I might never drink anything). It's very hard to remember to drink. I did manage to get in 7 glasses of water today, so that's progress.
I've also made some other random changes.
I never, ever, ever get enough protein. I feel like I could chew on jerky all day and still not get enough. SO! I decided, for now (until I really get this nutrition stuff down) I'm not going to force the protein. Instead, I am going to aim for my protein to about double the amount of fat I get. Which is roughly what the nutrition tracker has me set for. As long as I hit that ratio, for now I will be happy.
I also bought myself a little date organizer. You know, old fashioned, gotta scrape up a pen and actually WRITE things in it. I did consider using the various calendars I have online that can send nifty little emails to me when I have something to do. I also considered using the teeny little calendar in my cell phone which will give me handy little alerts. But I decided to go with a simple, hand written calendar. Why? Because WRITING something is so much more personal. WRITING has always been the way I studied for something, and always the best method for me to remember something. Now, I've tried this before. I would writing things down, but FORGET to look at it (sort of like my grocery list )! But this time feels different. My mind feels different. I actually believe that I can do this.
I also started exercising. Sure... I just started today... but I have to. I've lost so much muscle in my leg from not being able to use it... well I HAVE TO EXERCISE if I ever want to walk on this leg again. My foot can heal. The scars can fade...but if I don't get some muscle back, it won't matter. It's been 11 weeks and 3 days since my accident. Muscles atrophy starts as early as the second week of immobilization... so that's a long time for muscle to waste away. I wouldn't believe it if I didn't see it with my own eyes or feel it with my own hand. All I have to do is simply run my hands down my thighs. My left one has a nice curve of muscle and the right is sunken in. I found a 10 min video of chair cardio for seniors lol.. and those seniors were huffing and puffing much less than me... and it was a WEAK workout. My poor leg didn't know what to think. But I stretched, and it feels great. So yeah, I did some exercise today. And I'm gonna do it again tomorrow.
Which speaking of tomorrow, it already is tomorrow... so I think I'm going to now.
And for your viewing pleasure...
Day 1 - External fixator screwed into my leg before the initial brace was put on. Yes, screwed. I have the scars to prove it.
6 weeks ago when the cast was removed and I got my boot
See the next blog for a video of my foot!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
I have always known that your mind and body are connected much further than simply telling your body to do things. And that your conscious and sub-conscious minds are often at odds. So goes the saying "mind over matter". If you THINK you can do something, you CAN. If you think you CAN'T... well, its very unlikely you will. This idea has been applied to motivational speeches time after time. And it's true... but today, I'm not referring to motivation. Today, I'm talking about pain induced depression.
If you dwell on any particular ailment you might have, your mind focuses in on it, enhances it. But if you distract yourself, you don't notice the pain as much and oftentimes forget about it completely. I've always had migraines, and I notice the pain less when I'm distracted from thing about it. but sometimes the pain is so severe you just can't distract yourself from it. Sometimes you just can't fathom a day without pain. And then comes depression swooping to to ruin the day.
About month after my accident, I remember laying in the recliner in the living room alone. My friend (whose house it was) was upstairs napping and my boyfriend who had stayed to help me was in the downstairs bedroom sleeping after just getting home(works night shift). I was completely alone, which usually I like. But that day was my rock bottom day. I just lay there and cried. I couldn't get up (hurt too much, and not allowed to anyway, docs orders). I couldn't get to the tv remote. I couldn't get to the laptop. I had absolutely nothing to do but stare up at the ceiling fan. I was in pain, miserable, and lonely. I felt a depression that day that I've never felt before. My boyfriend suggested getting a therapist. But I didn't need one. I just needed the pain to go away. To get my mobility back. And sure enough, with every day that my pain got better, my mind felt better. With every new task I was able to do again, I felt happier.
The whole time, everyone around me continually encouraged me to think happy, after all, none of my injuries were permanent. I WOULD get better. I refused to do this. I just couldn't imagine what it was like without pain anymore. I couldn't because I didn't try.
Now I look back thinking, dang. Why didn't I treat it like a migraine? Distract myself to lessen the pain. Pretend I was happy and ignore the pain until I actually was happy.
'Course I can't to back in time. But I can look to the future. I can practice mind over matter each and every day. I've learned a lot from this experience. I've learned who my true friends are, who would do anything for me. I've learned that I'm a lot stronger than I ever gave myself credit for (and my pain tolerance has jumped up a few levels lol).
And I've learned to REALLY check my blind spot before making a u-turn.
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