Monday, December 12, 2011
I love, love, love Christmas time! I decided to share with you a post I made in one of my groups.
Christmas was, and still is, very magical for me. Heck, winter period is magical for me. I'm not particularly religious, so it's not because of that.. which some may disagree with but whatever. Any day is what you make of it. For me, it's a time when people forget about being selfish and GIVE gifts. Sure, some say it's greedy to RECEIVE the gifts, but you can't have one without the other. For every giver, there is at least one receiver.
I remember one Christmas in particular... I woke up early (of course) and went into the living room. We lived in a double-wide with the living room and dining room open to each other. I almost passed out when I saw the living room that morning. The tree was lit up in all it's glory. Lights had been strung around walls at the ceiling as if I were outside instead of inside. The room was aglow as if fairies had visited instead of Santa. Underneath the tree were mounds of gifts. More than I'd ever seen under our tree (we had very little money as well). I swear the presents stuck out into the middle of the room (though my dad disagrees). Astonished, I ran to my sisters room to wake her up. Then we both pounced on our parents, dragging them out of bed.
At this point, every christmas was the same, We would get our stockings while our parents made coffee (apparently necessary at 6am *wink, wink*). We would sit at the base of the tree, excitement bursting from us, as we tore through the stocking. Inside it, was usually small stuff, sometimes fun, sometimes boring, but the anticipation of opening each individually present was enough to distract us. The stockings were random, sometimes candy, pens, girly accessories, bubble bath, those awesome stick on earrings...
Once the coffee was made and being consumed, we were ready for the main event! My parents would sit down next to us and distribute presents. The four of us would each get a gift and open it together. And round by round we would repeat until we each had a pile of presents next to us and we were swimming in a sea of wrapping paper.
The rest of the day was chaotic. We would bounce from gift to gift, unable to decide what we liked more. There always seemed to be at least one gift that required being outside: bikes, big wheels, rc cars, pogo sticks, kites). We always had to wait a few hours, eat breakfast, let the parents wake up etc.
We didn't have family near by, so we didn't do any family gatherings, which is the only thing I feel I missed out on. I crave a Christmas Eve Party every year, though I haven't been to one in years. That is definitely a tradition that I want to start with my family. Other traditions I want to start are giving out Christmas cards, Christmas cookies, and I want at least one gift for my family to be handmade. This year, I had planned on making everyone in my family little bottles of homemade vanilla flavoring (found here on Spark), but I ran out of time to make it since it takes so long to soak the vanilla beans in the alcohol. So many things I want to do!
What is your favorite thing about Christmas? Your favorite traditions? Traditions you want to start?
Sunday, November 27, 2011
I read your letter and I took some time to absorb everything that you said. I want to scream at you that you're wrong - dead wrong. But I would be kidding myself. Everything you said was spot on. I have taken you for granted, thinking that no matter what I do, you will always be there. But oh! how wrong that is!
I know as well as anyone that my body is the only thing keeping me alive. I also know what happens when a body isn't treated well - heart disease, diabetes, obesity, cancer - all of these run in the family. Why am I ignoring it?
I will tell you why.
It's not because I use food to make myself feel better because I don't.
It's not because I secretly think this is how I should look because I don't.
And while looking in the mirror isn't exactly pleasurable, I don't dwell on it. I don't make myself miserable over it.
In fact... I think the problem is that I've settled. I think in the back of my mind, I've decided that this is just how it's gonna be.
Cooking healthy is easy. Cooking healthy AND tasty is hard. Eating out is easier and delivery is easiest of them all.
Watching grass grow is more fun than strength training.
A root canal is more fun than cardio.
I hate breathing hard. I hate pain. I hate hate hate sweating.
I know I need to push past the boredom and the hate - I KNOW! I've told myself all the things I'm supposed to. I've researched and learned all that I needed to. I know how it works, I know the rules. I know the game. But it's kind of like football... nothing is going to make me like it.
I wish that my frustrations didn't affect you so much. UGH!
Tell ya what, I will make you a deal. I will do my best to find things that I enjoy... or at least tolerate... and in the mean time, I will make sure to take time and thank you for all that you do for me.
For starters: Thank you for keeping me alive 7 months ago when an SUV going 60 mph t-boned me in my compact car. Thank you for miraculous few injuries and thank you for healing completely.
Thank you for doing the things I need to do each day. Most days my mind wants to give out before you do. Thanks for the overtime.
Thanks for taking me for a walk with the dogs today. It hurt, but you didn't even limp.
I know there is much more to thank you for....and I will get there. Just know that I love you and I know I'm nothing without you. Thank you.
The Human Inhabiting You
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Dear Human Inhabiting Me,
I'm writing to get something off my chest. I've been silent for so long, and well... I've had enough. I couldn't go another day without speaking up.
I've had it. Enough already.
You have used and abused me for 27 years and what thanks do I get? Nada.
Instead of thanking me for all I do for you, you yell at me and call me names.
The world is a battlefield, didn't you know? Every day, I wage war against millions of microorganisms that are determined to kick you out and make me their new home. Germ after germ, I fight them off. I do this, yet you complain about the one that gets through. Never do you acknowledge all the times I succeed.
Anywhere you need to go, I take you there. Anything you need to do, I do it for you. You need to walk across the street? I give you my legs. You need to reach the top shelf, I give you my arms. I'm always there for you. How do you repay me? You stick yourself in front of the computer for hours, ruining my eyes and my metabolism. You stuff me full of garbage that I wouldn't give my mortal enemy. And after doing all of that, you berate me because I can't run anymore, my arms are flabby, and your favorite jeans don't button around my growing waist anymore.
Well, hello! What did you think would happen?
I'm not a computer. I can't press delete on the Whopper with Cheese you inhaled the other day. I can't exercise if you don't let me. I can't eat good food if you don't give it to me. We may not be the same, you and me, but everything you do affects me. We are nothing without each other.
Are you hearing me? I hope so, because you need to listen. I am your best friend. I am the only body you will ever have and I'm the only one who TRULY has YOUR best interests in mind. I have no agenda. I have no hidden motives. Can you say the same?
Can't you love me the way I love you? Can't you respect all the wonderful things I do to keep you healthy and happy? I hope so, because you and me, kid, we could do amazing things together.
Look forward to your response. I love you.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
I had an ortho appointment today and after waiting until 5pm to see the doctor (my appt was at 3!), I finally got some good news! Break is completely healed, doc couldn't even tell where the break was!
Then I got even awesomer news (that's totally a word)!
I got a brace! That I can wear in a shoe! Like OMG! 6 months and I finally get to wear a shoe!
It's kinda big for my shoe. As you can see. The shoe still has the laces that the EMT's chopped up (GRRR, I mean, really? You couldn't just untie it?) so I couldn't lace it up all the way... but I probably wouldn't have anyway since the brace is so fat.
How awesome is this????!!!!
Wanna see the shoe and brace in action?
Are you sure?
Wooohoo! No more boot!
How awesome is this?????!!!!!!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Which are a lot of ways to say that I just haven't been feeling very "sparky" lately. I just haven't had any desire to log in, post in teams, or well... do anything here. I haven't exercised much either, but still a little bit. And today, I woke up feeling incredibly sore.
My fortune cookie a couple weeks ago revealed: "Knowing and not doing are the same as not knowing at all."
This spoke to me. It mean, it really hit something deep inside of me. Because I've always told myself, that I know how to do this... I know how to lose weight. I will do it eventually. But what good is knowing something if you never actually use that knowledge. So, this "fortune" has been coming back to me often. Now, I still didn't DO anything about it. But yet, I didn't forget it either, like I do with all of the other fortunes I get from those cookies. Ever have this nagging feeling that you're forgetting something, but you can't remember what? Well that fortune was like that for me. I just couldn't forget it, even though I hadn't decided to act on it yet.
Now, even though I hadn't yet acted on the "doing" part of the "knowing", I hadn't turned into a baked potato either. I've been moving, just not exercising. I've been going out of the house a lot, which requires lots of buses, and walking from stop to stop (like I said SOME exercise lol) But that has pretty much left me too exhausted to do much of anything else. And on the days I don't do anything, my body is still recovering from the day before.
For the most part, I've given up my crutches. Which means I'm walking more. Which means my feet hurt. Like really HURT. Let me tell you, when you haven't walked on your feet in 6 months, they forget that they actually have to hold you up for more that five seconds at a time. And suddenly 5 minutes seems like forever. A walk to the next bus stop is horrible. Nor for my injury mind you, just my feet in general. I mean, have you ever gone to a theme park and walked all day? Or have a job where you stand all day? Dont you go home afterward, your feet so sore, and sit down. And then at some point you have to stand up again. And that moment you stand up is the worst. Your feet still hurt just as bad as before, but this time, it's sudden. You know, you built up a tolerance for the pain all day, but once you sit down to rest, you lose that tolerance. So when you stand up, its like feeling the pain fresh, with no tolerance. That's how my feet feel every day now. Every minute, every day. And I just have to keep doing it to make my feet used to feeling weight again. It's getting better, but it's slow.
I'm really glad to be walking though. I have an ortho appt tomorrow, and I'm crossing my fingers that they will switch me to a shoe-thing-a-ma-jig, instead of the boot. I'm all about the progress lol.
Anyway, an opportunity presented itself to me today that I just couldn't turn down. A friend posted something on facebook today about getting up and moving, and I commented on it. Another friend of hers (who I didn't even know) commented as well, asking if my friend and I wanted to have a girls day and hit up aqua zumba at the gym. I seriously almost fainted. I mean... "AQUA ZUMBA?!" What was this fantastic sounding creature?! So, I checked the gyms website, and it's exactly what it sounds like. Zumba-like moves. IN. THE. POOL! What's not to love? It's a cardio class, that conveniently has water to hit my body's imperfections, hide when I mess up the choreography, AND I can totally do it with a bum leg! I was almost drooling!
BUT! I wasn't a member at the gym anymore, and I didn't have a ride. So I said, I'd love to, but I'd have to pass. And you know what? This girl, who I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW, offered me a ride, and let me go as her guest. Like, OMG! I'm always looking for new friends, so I'm like Heck yeah! She also wanted to go the Hydro Power Hour which was immediately before the aqua zumba, so we did that too. So, today, made a new friend, I walked a mile too and from bus stops, and did two hours in the pool at the gym! AH, awesomness is grand!
I just wish I could keep going! But sadly I can't. I went free today as her guest, but thats a one time deal. Otherwise, I'd have to pay $10 per visit. And since I'm not working and bringing in any dough.... well, I'm sure you see where I'm going with this. I definitely will go again, but probably infrequently. I want to go when I can do REAL zumba. Man, I miss zumba, something fierce!
Anyway, I've rambled enough. I think I'm going to bed and dying now. I'm not sure I want to feel the pain I know I will feel in the morning lol. But at least it will be exercise pain, and not the usual pain. G'night sparkies!
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