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BUTRFLY_FREEDOM's Recent Blog Entries

When You’re in a Slump

Thursday, May 03, 2012

First of all, I just want to say how very touched I am at all of the comments on my previous post. Fellow sparkers, your enthusiasm has motivated me and to be honest, I really needed it right now! Specifically, motivation to continue this weightloss journey.

See... I know I can do it. I know how to do it. I know I need to do it. But WANTING to do it is a completely different ballgame!

Our wants tend to dictate most of our lives. We want to eat those deserts. We want to veg in front of the tv. We want a million bucks.... or whatever. We all have wants. And it's up to us to fulfill those wants or to ignore them. Not all wants should always be fulfilled.

For instance, lets say we want to lose 30lbs. We've wanted to lose that 30lbs for 5 years. The want to lose it is all we think about.

Except for chocolate cake. We looooove chocolate cake. We want it all the time.

But if we give in to that want for chocolate cake every single time the mood strikes, we won't be able to fulfill our other want: to lose 30lbs.

We have to decide what we want MORE: the cake or the weightloss.

If I'm being honest, I'd say I want the weightloss more, but the cake more often. Which in turn, makes the cake a little bit more powerful over time.

Which is the beginning of slumpsville. Once you get to the point that the cake has "better" rewards for you than getting the weight off, your motivation is gone and you're sitting right in the middle of slumpsville.

Maybe you realize where you're at and high-tail it outta there pronto or maybe you pull up a chair and stay a while, but either way eventually you have to go home. Slumpsville is a vacation town. It's not a suitable place to lay down roots.

But how do you get motivated to leave when you have chocolate frosting flowing through your IV drip?

Well, I've been working on disconnecting slumpsvilles hold on me for about a month now and I'm finally waving goodbye. It's been hard and agonizing at times, but I'm making it.

I found this wonderful blog post about getting our of your slump, and it's full of motivational advice. I was originally just going to share it in one of my teams, but I figured a LOT of people could benefit from it, so I opted to put it in my blog.

Let me know what you think. What gets you motivated?

zenhabits.net/get-off-your-butt-16-w
ays-to-get-motivated-when-youre-in-a-s
lump/

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAIDAMONTREAL 5/8/2012 9:41AM

    Hey there, thanks for your blog and for sharing the blog post. Both your blog and the other one ring true for me. I think I will subscribe to the zen habits website. Could help me out. Also congratulations for winning the popular blog award. Quite an achievement.

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LOSINGLINNDY 5/5/2012 10:06PM

    That is a very interesting and helpful blog. Thank you.

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SEWINGMAMACDS 5/4/2012 11:19AM

    It does all boil down to what do I want more. Thanks for sharing.

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THEEASYKILL30 5/4/2012 10:55AM

    I think you really hit the nail on the head when you pose the question of what do we want more. So very, very true.

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SUNRISE14 5/4/2012 6:24AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CEKER9 5/4/2012 3:22AM

    Thanx for sharing the site... it was just what I needed for my "battle" with a current slump!!!

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POETICBLONDE 5/4/2012 12:31AM

    What you said reminds me of a quote I heard once: losing weight is about making short term goals, for long term results. I think thats what it all bottles down to like you said. Thanks so much for the link! I love the zen habits website. emoticon

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BLUE42DOWN 5/3/2012 7:52PM

    That's a really interesting point you make there about the wanting to lose 30 pounds being something we may want more, but the want for the cake being something we want more often.

It's kind of quality vs quantity. Those 30 pounds are a quality goal that will be deeply satisfying to reach, but will take a lot of time and work. Once reached and maintained, the satisfaction will remain. The cake is a quantity goal that each time we eat and are satisfied will do nothing to stop us from wanting another cake, and another, and another.

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TEDYBEAR2838 5/3/2012 6:59PM

    Sounds like you are rounding the bend. It's a fight,
a battle, but one we CAN WIN!

emoticon

Going to go check out the article.
Thanks

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ANJAYS-JOURNEY 5/3/2012 12:34PM

    Thankyou!!

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CELIAMINER 5/3/2012 12:05PM

    "I know I can do it. I know how to do it. I know I need to do it. But WANTING to do it is a completely different ballgame!"

I could have written that line...been in a slump for a couple of months, with tracking food being the only thing saving me. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone, and thanks for sharing the blog on how to get out of a slump.
emoticon

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CANDOK1260 5/3/2012 10:26AM

    emoticon for sharing emoticon emoticon

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

A Year Ago Today...

Monday, April 30, 2012

April 30, 2011 was a day that changed my life. I got in my car that morning with the full intention of returning home in an hour, relaxing for a bit and then heading off to work. Life, however, had other plans for me.



A split second was all it took to change those plans and set me on a completely different course.

Instead of sitting at my desk at work, I was lying in a hospital bed forbidden from moving - not that I could anyway.


I spent one week in the hospital and two in a nursing home nursing all of my broken and hurting parts: broken ribs, vertebrae, and foot. The most painful of these was having broken ribs and the longest lasting was the foot.

It was three months before I could bend over without feeling like I was re-breaking my ribs and six months before I was able to put a shoe on my foot.


But then you guys already know that.

What you don't know are some of the non-physical changes that happened. When I woke up the morning of April 30, 2011, I was working for a job that I hated, driving a car that I hated (and making payments on it that I had no way of getting out of). I was generally unhappy and very much a pessimistic.

And that car accident changed everything.

I never returned to that job (or any job, for that matter) and my car was totaled - problem solved. I'm not making light of anything here, simply pointing out the irony. And even when I was crying and feeling like the pain would never end, I was still happier. Course I didn't realize this in the moment. But I do now, looking back.

I saw how much my family and friends loved me and what they would be willing to do for me. I saw how fragile life was and how strong a person can be when they have to be.

But I think most importantly I saw what a waste it is to spend time being unhappy, worrying about things you can't change, and not changing the things you can. From this I found my new path.

My point here is to never waste your time. Use the life and time you are given. Don't waste it crying about yesterday or worrying about tomorrow. The Buddha said,


"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future,
concentrate the mind on the present moment."


Concentrate on the present because it is all we really have. The past is gone, the future has yet to come, but the present --The present is LIFE.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BDRFLI 2/7/2014 3:38PM

    Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us...

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VBA2009 2/12/2013 11:26AM

    Thanks for sharing your story!

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POPEYETHETURTLE 12/2/2012 12:14AM

    I don't always have time to read all of the articles and blogs that I get from Spark, but I keep them in my inbox to read, so you know how far behind I am.

When I saw and read this Best blog, I thought, "This looks like someone I know, but ..... when I clicked to the blog, I didn't recognize the Spark name.

The picture of you in the hospital bed was haunting, but when I saw the picture of you car - I knew!

I was in Intensive Care, fading in and out - aggravated by an itchy throat (I couldn't even breath on my own). I started staying awake for a few more minutes and my wife was thee, holding my hand with tears in her eyes. She asked me if I knew where I was (1 blink = yes0, did I know what day it was (2 blinks for no). She took a picture of me there when I was awake for a little bit longer, my thumb up and a machine hooked up to breath for me, two IV's in my left arm, a big hose coming out of my chest and a couple of more tubes inserted where tubes had no right to be inserted.

I have a small talent and I don't know where it came from. One day during a briefing, I was standing around a table with a map on it, directly across from the briefer. I looked at the briefing notes and found I could read them, upside down and backwards quicker then he could speak.

Somewhere in the back recesses, I remembered that trick and started communicating by writing, upside down and backwards, by printing so my wife could read what I was asking. My wife was really pleased to be able to communicate with me, and the Intensive Care nurses thought my idea was awesome. They could ask me questions and there was no need to blink or nod my head. I could also ask questions, and when my DW was gone to the restroom, I asked, "What happened?"

All of a sudden my nurse became illiterate and claimed she didn't understand me. I called bullshyt on her and she then gave me the mealy mouth answer, "Well, right now we're just trying to get you well enough to move you to the floor. I'll let the doctor know you want to talk to him the next time he comes in". I bt you know how that worked. He conveniently only came in when I was in La La Land.

I was healing well enough that I was able to postpone the pain meds, but they started being concerned because when they removed the tube in my throat, my breathing wouldn't operate on its own. They told me I HAD to start breathing on my own, that the longer I wasn't able to breath on my own, the less likely it would be that I'd be able to get off the ventilator.

They tried once on the fifth day, then twice on the sixth. I admit I was sweating when I couldn't even force myself to breath. I don't know how drowning feels, but when you can't suck in air, the panic factor gets very high on the heart rate monitor and blood pressure cuff. That night, the doc changed the pain meds. The morning of the seventh day I thought I had made it, because when they took the tube out, I could breath. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, but I could breath. The nurses were charting the blood oxygen in in my blood and it went from 95%, then down to 93%, 91% and 89%. Below 90 is bad news, and so the tube got stuck back into my gagging throat.

The rest of the morning, the nurses who came in were not the happy shining ladies who had been with me at the first of the week. My wife was upset and I went from depressed to pist off.

At 5 pm, the doctor came in with two nurses and a trey with some perfilled needles, and they had my wife leave the room. When she had gone, they pulled the curtains over the window and closed the door.

The reading on the heart monitor was 180, and blood pressure cuff was constantly monitoring my blood pressure, which was 150/110 - normally run 100/60..

One nurse stood at the head of the bed, and one stood by they tray of needles. There was a tech standing behind the doctor with a defibrillator charging. Out came the breathing tube and I started to breath - it was much easier than it had been that morning. "Discharge the defib" from the doc was a terrific thing to hear.

After breathing on my own for a few minutes, the nurse at the tray of knives, needles and other torture devices took her tray and left (I swear when she smiled her canines were at least an inch long.

The doctor had let my wife come back in and he was giving me some instructions and suddenly said, "Popeye, breath". Unknowingly, I had stopped. He told us that was a common occurrence after being weaned off a ventilator and they would have me stay one more night with a nurse in the room to monitor me.

Twice that night I was awakened by the nurse shaking my shoulder and telling me to breath.

That afternoon I was discharged to an "almost intensive care" ward - my room was directly across from the nurses station and the light was left on during the night. The doc had also changed my pain meds again and I had no "non-breathing" issues thereafter.

While I didn't have a car that looked like your old, blue one, I can certainly empathize with your experience.

I went back to work six weeks after I was dismissed from the hospital, but it was to a job that was administrative rather than operations based. I didn't like the job, but I learned to do it very well.

After a week, my new boss came into my office and closed the door - the first woman I had ever worked for. Although I was doing well in my new position, she could tell I wasn't very happy. Using the tricky way women have, I found myself admitting I wasn't happy being away from operations.

She told me she had seen this kind of depression before, but I had to change my focus. "If you are no longer able to do the job you love, learn to love the job you have. You'll be much happier when you do."

Then she chased me out of the office and told me to take the rest of the day off, and if I needed it, to take tomorrow (Friday) off also.

For the next 24 hours, I vacillated between a whiny, "It's not fair", to an angry, "I'll show them, just to spite the rotten SOB's". I guess it was sort of like a rapid cycling person with Bi-polar Disorder.

I went back to work at 1:00pm and met with my boss, Sally. I told her I would honestly give my best shot at following her suggestion, but I might have a relapse now and then and would she just throw something at me to get my attention and get my focus back going the right direction".

I thought that I had a handle on change before this happened to me, as I went to 13 different schools before I graduated from high school. No, I wasn't a trouble maker. My Dad was a peace officer who worked on high profile cases. For our safety, we moved to a completely different part of the metropolitan area. We also moved four times to different states for his special assignments.

I thank the Lord for giving you the courage to face a big demon and survive. You should be very proud that you no longer are forced to tool around in that Blue Beast.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ALIDOSHA 10/27/2012 3:53PM

    emoticon Thank you!

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KJSIZZLE1 10/25/2012 4:07PM

    What an inspiration you are! Way to turn a life changing situation into something you can look positively on! Good for you!

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HABICHIC 8/14/2012 5:14PM

    I know first hand how facing a critical situation can make you or break you...I'm glad that it made you stronger. : )

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IMKFOX 8/1/2012 1:52PM

    So glad you were able to find the positive within the negative of that situation. Thank you for sharing.
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FLYCHRISTI 8/1/2012 1:16PM

    I hope you are well and happy. Thanks for the blog!
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TONISTRELEC 8/1/2012 9:20AM

    emoticon

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NOPEPSI 7/3/2012 12:35PM

  Totally agree

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KHARRISON07 6/24/2012 8:25PM

  God alway have a plan for our life it will be something good to come out of this because God still ask prayer, may God bless you and keep you.

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IMAPEPPER55 6/23/2012 11:37PM

    emoticon emoticonTHANKYOU FOR THE AWESOME ADVICE! YOU ARE A TRUE HELP TO EACH OF US...HUGS GO OUT TO YOU ALSO... emoticon, JUDY
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ALLIGATORKATE 6/19/2012 9:08PM

    keep up the good work!

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BEATINGED 6/11/2012 9:38PM

    Thanks for writing your story it really encouraged me today to read it... to not give up and to continue fighting. My 18 yr old son was just getting ready to start his life... go to college, graduate high school not easy for a single father... when one morning a lady ran a red light and changed all our lives forever. He is now recovering from a Traumatic Brain Injury. I am so sorry for what you have been threw but want you to know how you have encouraged me... i will continue to maintain hope and be the best mom to him and best grandma to his son even when i start feeling down and hopeless.

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ANNET63 6/11/2012 12:24PM

  Keep your chin up! Log this on to a life lesson. Your future is yours to make. You're beautiful. emoticon

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EATVEGAN 6/10/2012 6:31PM

    Isn't it good when what seems to be only evil, has so much good coming from it? The turtle from Kung Fu Panda said, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, that is why it is called the present." I really enjoyed your blog. emoticon
Janet

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CSLCHEF1 6/5/2012 3:35PM

  I read your story. I'm glad you're doing ok. Something similar happen to me a couple of years ago. If it wasn't for my family and friends. I would be a total wreck. Keep doing what you're doing.

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NEW-NIKI 6/4/2012 5:47PM

    What an inspiring story. You have so much courage. I am proud of you, and I hope you always keep the positive spirit. You have made me more grateful and thankful for what I have in my life. Thank you for sharing your story. emoticon

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MISSILENE 6/3/2012 11:03AM

    Thanks so much for your blog. Many blessings.

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BLUSTAR 6/3/2012 1:12AM

    glad you are ok and that you are happy...
keep up the good work :)

Glenda

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LINKYSD 6/1/2012 10:39PM

    Thanks for sharing. It is eerie, but reading this on this day has been great therapy for me. I have had a very difficult year of work, topped off today by a less than stellar conversation with my boss. But having read this, I was able to walk away without feeling that this year was a total waste. Thank you. emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 6/1/2012 8:45PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MARYM1962 5/31/2012 10:15AM

  WOW - you are amazing! You have such a positive attitude - God works in mysterious ways. You hated your job, you hated your car and now they are no more, but you are still with us. God answers our prayers, but not always the way we want Him to, or even expect. He has a plan for you or you would not still be here. Keep up the good work

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PICKLES84 5/31/2012 10:03AM

    Your story is an inspiration to me... It reminds me to be thankful of all the blessing that i have and to concentrate on the here and now. God Bless you!!!

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SHLOMOKUT 5/31/2012 3:36AM

  I am so glad you have good friends to help you through this.

Rabbi Abraham Ibn Ezra put ti like this:

The past is Gone.

The future is yet to come.

And the present passes in the blink of an eye.

So why worry?

STAY STRONG!


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ICANDOIT1220 5/30/2012 10:10PM

    I am so touched by your story. Thank you for sharing your philosophy on life and for giving me reason to be thankful for each day and for all the things I do have --- instead of dwelling on what I don't. You are an inspiration!

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KFH3107 5/30/2012 10:09PM

    What a miracle you survived. I will pray for your daily recovery just as I prayed for my own when I suffered a similar experience. What ever you do my friend DO NOT GIVE UP! If I could offer one piece of advice it would be something my father taught me which is: Focus on only what is within your control and do not waste time on things that you can't control. Very sound advice and something that my accident brought home to me in soooo many ways. If you ever need an ear - please feel free to contact me. I know first hand what you are going through psychologically, emotionally, spiritually and physically. It took 8 years for me to recover from my accident and I pray your recovery will be very very quick and complete. Take care of yourself. emoticon

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BETTERME54 5/30/2012 8:54PM

    THANK GOD! You survived. A listen was learn, and AMEN , you are so right on with your message, "Don't dwell on things you can not change, etc."


emoticon and GOD BLESS you.

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SAL2525 5/30/2012 1:09PM

    WOW Great message! You found your silver lining !

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SWEET-ONE3 5/30/2012 5:34AM

  Each day is a gift, even with pain. May God heal your body and help you to bring good out of the pain. To give you strength for all you need to do. And we can only thank God that you are still with us and able to inspire us, as you do. You remind me of my daughter. She is a strong woman as well. God bless you and your family.

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JILLIAN40 5/29/2012 11:07PM

    Thank-you for your truly inspirational blog!

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MMPEARSON13 5/29/2012 9:47PM

    Thank you for sharing. This is truly inspirational!

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CHB91871 5/29/2012 9:14PM

  Thanks for sharing and making me know my problems are small. You sound like a very brave person and may "GOD" bless you from this day forward!

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MMGTHIN 5/29/2012 4:14PM

    emoticon

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LISSA1944 5/29/2012 2:35PM

  Thank God for saving you for himself. Thank God for letting us learn an important message from your experiences. Life is short. Enjoy all we have been given, NOW.

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NLW8910 5/29/2012 12:15PM

  Thank you for a wonderful testimony if what's important in life.

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PANDYA1 5/29/2012 10:32AM

  Beautiful Message!! It is nothing but the truth. Good luck with everything.

Comment edited on: 5/29/2012 10:33:55 AM

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PANDYA1 5/29/2012 10:30AM

  Beautiful message !! Thanks for sharing. Hope everything is back to normal for you in day to day life. emoticon emoticon

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NIN_RENAMARTIN 5/29/2012 10:15AM

  Loved your message and your survival. Thanks

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KDMAMA2 5/29/2012 8:25AM

  emoticon

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SHAWNJONES69 5/29/2012 7:58AM

  You really inspired me this morning not to feel sorry for myself over such little things. God bless you!!!

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CARLINICHOLE26 5/29/2012 1:36AM

    Thank you for sharing your story with us, life is too short to be unhappy!

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SLIMINGGIRL 5/28/2012 11:52PM

  Such incidences make us look at life with a whole new perspective!!! Thank you for sharing this with us so that we could learn without experiencing that gruesome reality!! You truly are an inspiration!! emoticon

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 5/28/2012 10:55PM

    emoticon Thank you.

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DMSBUTLER 5/28/2012 4:52PM

  Wow! Talk about making lemonade out of lemons. You are inspiring. Thanks for posting this and for sharing your delicious lemonade with the rest of us.

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PARKERCM 5/28/2012 4:51PM

  Thanks for sharing your story. You have an awesome perspective. We can all learn. emoticon

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DESIDERATA~GIRL 5/28/2012 1:57PM

    Very true - so many people, me definitely included, worry about little things that had already happened or which may or may not happen. Life's too short! People need to work out what's important to them and work towards those goals. I'm glad you have recovered - it sounded like a very difficult accident and not something easy to recover from.

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J2740LOU 5/28/2012 1:32PM

    All we have is the NOW! Wonderful words of wisdom. Thank you for sharing this mind's eye opener. emoticon emoticon

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BUSYGRANNY5 5/28/2012 9:19AM

    Thanks for the reminder... tomorrow isn't guaranteed! I enjoyed your blog and pray that your life continues to be blessed!!!



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ALDEBARANIAN 5/28/2012 6:34AM

    You go girl.

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Oranges, Tangerines, and Tangelos, OH MY!

Thursday, March 22, 2012



See my pretty new bowl? emoticon I was grocery shopping last night and just happened to pass by this little lovely and I couldn't help myself! I mean, it's orange! It's only my favorite color! lol

That wasn't the only highlight of my trip to the store... see that tangelo up there too??? THAT made my day lol. See... I've been hunting for tangerines or tangelos for MONTHS. I have hardly seen them anywhere and when I have, they have looked horrible... like, I wouldn't have eaten them if they were giving them away for free.

I don't eat oranges. They just don't have enough flavor for me. They are all sweet, but muted, like if I poured out half of my chocolate milk and replaced it with water. Ick. It tastes like all sugar and no orange taste.

I love tangerines/tangelos because they are tangy! They are sweet, but they are also tart and full of flavor. They are hands down, my all-time favorite fruit. And it seriously irks me that I finally find some just as their season will soon be coming to a close. Boo.

Either way, I snatched me up a bag of these beautiful orange orbs and I didn't care one bit that the bag cost me $4... THEY were MINE. My fiance thinks I've lost my mind.... eh maybe just a little bit. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARYHOLMAN 3/29/2012 8:17AM

    Ever tried a Satsuma orange--super flavorful...
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TEDYBEAR2838 3/25/2012 12:19PM

    They are good for you & you enjoy them, so don't worry about it.



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MARTHASPARKS 3/24/2012 12:36PM

    I like my citrus tangy, too! I love clementines. Have you tried them?

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LESLIELENORE 3/23/2012 8:17PM

    I like Clementines. They are flavorful, easy to peel and seedless, and best of all... our local grocery store carries them when they are in season. I love the bowl!

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PIXIE-LICIOUS 3/23/2012 7:50AM

    Enjoy your tangerines!

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LOSINGLINNDY 3/22/2012 8:37PM

    Awesome dish. What a find. Enjoy your tangelos.

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ANJAYS-JOURNEY 3/22/2012 4:10PM

    Awesome, love them too!!

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CANDOK1260 3/22/2012 3:56PM

    can;t eat them becuse of acids but who to love them

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POETICBLONDE 3/22/2012 2:01PM

    I'm the same way! I love tangerines, but can never find them, and I've never been crazy about oranges. I don't get why they are never in the stores, then again I live by small towns.

Comment edited on: 3/22/2012 2:01:50 PM

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TAMPATINK67 3/22/2012 1:37PM

    Thanks for sharing - brought a smile to my face too!

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KALISWALKER 3/22/2012 10:48AM

    I have never tasted them. After I finish Phase 1 South Beach I will give them a try. Have a great day!

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KARIDIAN1 3/22/2012 10:13AM

    Have you ever seen or tried a Suma Tangerine? They are huge and super sweet and seedless.

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Another Kind of Why

Friday, March 16, 2012

Over the years, I've amassed quite a list of reasons why I want to lose weight. Given an hour, I could probably show you a highly detailed chart of 300+ reasons complete with categories and subcategories. But I never sat down and really thought about a different kind of why: why I'm overweight to begin with.

Sure, I've always had a vague inner knowledge of "why", but I've never given it much thought. My generalized why was always the same.... I've always been this way.

While that is somewhat true, it's not the whole truth. I've started reading Savor by Thich Nhat Hanh (and nutrutionist Dr. Lilian Chueng) and though I've only read one chapter, I'm already being forced evaluate things I'd never considered before.

As far back as I can remember I have been bigger than my friends. I didn't look "fat" per se, but I was bigger. Wider hips, protruding stomach (which I always attributed to my dads side of the family - My dad and his brothers all have thin frames ,but have a large belly). Maybe that is genetic, maybe not.

As a teen I found great ways to hide it by wearing tight jeans to flatten under my bellybutton and "sucking" in to hide my belly. My legs and arms were pretty normal.

According to the book a child with one overweight parent is more than TWICE as likely to become an overweight adult and two overweight parents just increases those odds. BOTH of my parents were overweight as were each of their parents (I never met my moms dad, so I can't say he was overweight, but all the rest of them were). AND both my dad's and mom's siblings were all overweight too, some morbidly so. I point this out, not only for a genetic link.... but as an indicator of lifestyle.

My paternal grandfather had a hot fried breakfast every single day of the week, including multiple eggs, bacon, grits, sausage, bread, butter, etc. Both him and my grandma had diabetes, and she had several open-heart surgeries.

I grew up in the south with fried food as a staple. My mom did cook everyday, but it was usually greasy and fatty. She was president of the Clean Plate Club. I remember countless times having to sit at the table for hours because I didn't want to eat some food I thought was gross at the time.

We were also poor. Because of this we rarely ate out. Some people may think this is a good thing, and at the time, I'm sure it was. BUT...and this is a big "but".... It made me feel extremely deprived. I remember at school, I always had school lunch (it was free) and I never had money to get anything from the ala carte menu. So, I'd eat super slow, calculating every bite, so that my meal would last as long everyone else's so that I didn't have to sit there and watch everyone munching down on ice cream. Again, there is a BUT here. This made me feel horrible. Back then, "Poor" was a much worse thing for me to be than "fat", though I really wasn't "Fat".... just a lil overweight.

Anyway, this feeling of deprivation, led to lots of overindulgences when I had the opportunity. On school field trips, I'd splurge and get a supersized "value" meal instead of the dollar menu that my parents forced us to shop from on the rare times we did eat out.

I was 180 when I graduated high school. I wanted to be thinner, but I didn't want to do anything about it. August of that year, I started my first job. It was only 3/4 mile from my house, so on my lunch breaks I would come home to eat. My lunch was usually the same, a box of Kraft mac and cheese.

Another memory I have is of Butter Pecan Ice cream. My mom and I loved it. Sometimes, she would buy a half gallon of it, we would split it down the middle and down it in one sitting. We did this a couple times.... and I can no longer stomach the stuff. Makes me queasy thinking about it.

But thankfully, I stayed in the same weight range for a couple of years. During this time it found it harder to hide my belly. I had strangers ask my so many times "how far along are you?", "Is it a girl or a boy?" that eventually I just played along. It was less embarrassing to pretend than to admit that I'm just fat.

Then I moved 3 hours away to Orlando, Florida with my then boyfriend. Prior to the move, I lived in a small town where eating out was difficult simply due to the long drive to get there (10+ miles). But after the move, I had probably 30 different places to choose from in a half mile radius (probably more than that). I literally stopped cooking. My boyfriend and I ate twice a day, lunch and dinner, both at some fast food joint.

When I hit 206, I joined SP and lost 6 lbs... at which point I went on vacation and subsequently so did my diet.

I moved again, closer to home, and still maintained the habit of eating out everyday. Some weeks were difficult because we couldn't afford to eat out. Many times i literally lived on Ramen, if I ate at all. This reinforced overeating. Find the cheapest, largest portions and get stuffed. You don't have to eat as often if your stuffed. When I met my then boyfriend, I could barely finish a quarter pounder meal. When we separated 7 years later, I had no difficulties finishing a large Triple Whopper meal (yes, I said TRIPLE).

I am happy to say that I'm no longer able to finish a triple whopper meal, no matter what size it is... but I am still plagued by wanting that "overstuffed" feeling. It's gone beyond a desire of self-preservation (not knowing when I'd next eat). Now, its much different. I HATE feeling hungry. It's not just my stomach that's involved. I get sick when I get hungry. I get a headache, I feel weak and woozy. Sometimes I feel lightheaded, like I'm going to pass out. And this can be from just an hour of feeling hungry. I'm still learning which foods make me feel fuller longer, but a couple years ago, I had no concept of this idea. I assumed to eat healthy, you had to eat small and eat salads. So I gave up. I'd rather be fat than be hungry. And at 242, I was definitely FAT.

Thankfully I'm learning that I don't have to be fat nor hungry. But changing your mind is a lot harder than changing your diet.

Essentially what this blog boils down to is laziness. I didn't want to cook, and I didn't. I didn't want to get sweaty, and I didn't. I didn't want to do anything that required the least bit of effort, and I didn't. That and bad food just tastes so damn good.

I'm currently working on the laziness (by default I now cook almost every day) in my life and I think that alone will be more helpful to my weightloss endeavors than any other single thing.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

XRSIZE18 3/22/2012 2:08AM

    "But changing your mind is a lot harder than changing your diet." Love this line! And it's so true. I think until we really reflect on our "whys" we won't become wise to the REAL challenges going on. Good introspection!



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KALISWALKER 3/21/2012 4:12PM

    I can relate to the 'I didn't want to'. I have to deal with that everyday. I am glad we are getting to 199 together!

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LOSINGLINNDY 3/16/2012 7:09PM

    To answer this WHY took much soul searching. With what you have learned you can make effective changes in your lifestyle. I am so proud of you for the progress you are making.

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BLUE42DOWN 3/16/2012 6:45PM

    emoticon

That definitely took some soul-searching and it sounds like you've really uncovered something that, with change, can make an effective difference. Knowledge is so much power!

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5% Challenge_ "Whys"

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

I am super stoked about this challenge! I can't wait to see where this takes me!


Why are we taking this challenge? I am doing this challenge for a couple reasons. First, because it sounds fun! Exercise has to be fun right? Also, I am doing this to prove to myself that if I can lose 5% now, then I can do it again in the future!

Why are we loosing weight? So very many reasons ranging from health to vanity. I want to limit as many cancer risk factors as possible since it runs in my family... along with heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, etc etc. I also just want to LOOK better! I want to look how I feel! I want to be less round (although, my butt could use a bit MORE roundness if I do say so myself), less flabby. More firm, strong. I want muscles!

What do you want to change? I want to change my weight. I want to change my addiction to sugar. I want to change my dislike of exercise into LOVE for it. I want to WANT TO exercise!

How do you want to look and feel? I want to feel powerful. I want to look proportional. I don't really care about the number on the scale... I just want to be healthy, and overall, much flatter, especially in the gut!

What things will you be able to do in the future with a slimmer healthier body? I will be able to walk the stairs without huffing and puffing. I will have an easier time climbing that mountain. I will, dare I say... run? I will be able to breathe easier. I will find clothes shopping less difficult. I won't be the one telling everyone else to "slow down, wait for me."

Woo! 100's here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SELINA2512 3/14/2012 11:35AM

    emoticon Very good reasons!especially the one about wanting to LOVE exercising. If we want to lose wight permanently, we have to incorporate exercise into our daily routine and enjoy it. emoticon

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ADELCASALE 3/14/2012 7:44AM

    I am right here right along side you, cheering you on!

You can do it!

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ANJAYS-JOURNEY 3/14/2012 1:06AM

    You can do it!!!

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GREENTHUMB70 3/13/2012 8:51PM

    emoticon

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FUNKY5RED 3/13/2012 6:48PM

    You can do it! You have all the reasons why, now it is time for action! Let's go Cats!!!
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LOSINGLINNDY 3/13/2012 5:10PM

    emoticonYou have a great plan with action steps.

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DEBBIEDAY 3/13/2012 2:16PM

    emoticon Whooooo Hooo Great WHYs and I'm sure you will meet your goals this challenge because CATS CAN!!!....Let's do it!!!!!

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