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Moment of Complete Awareness.

Friday, July 01, 2011

Today I read a dailyspark blog ( www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=how
_i_found_freedomand_realized_we_all_ha
ve_choices
) by sparker IndyGirl ( www.sparkpeople.com/mypage.asp?ID=~I
NDYGIRL
) and I'm almost speechless. I'm almost in tears as I realize the road I was trying to take myself down. Our stories are completely different, yet our rationalizations are the same. She chose not to cook because she would have to stand and standing meant pain. I can't tell you how many times I've said in the last two months that "I can't cook because ______ (insert excuse)" At first, I truly couldn't because I couldn't even sit up or get into bed without crying from the pain. But now, most of the pain is gone and what I do have left is manageable. Yet I'm still making excuses. I can't cook because it's hot. (No ac in the kitchen or living room). I can't cook because I can't reach the stove (I do have ONE foot I can stand on). Cooking is too much hassle. Cooking takes too long.

Blah blah blah.

I wouldn't be as concerned, if I didn't already have this mindset BEFORE my accident. When I was fully capable of walking on two good feet.

So what am I gonna do?

I'm gonna put on a Netflix workout video and workout from my wheelchair. Then I'm gonna make up my grocery list and when I go shopping later today, I'm going to shop from the list and NOT from the prepackaged freezers. I am going to get my own Freedom.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUTRFLY_FREEDOM 7/2/2011 6:48PM

    Totally agree! Right choices are definitely NOT the easiest ones! But it sure makes us feel good when we make them!

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INSHAPE2011 7/2/2011 3:36PM

    WOW! Great blog from INDYGIRL just made me realise how many excuses I use to justify my bad choices... and good for you for making the right choice now. Right choices are not always the easiest ones to make or implement but they are worth it and so are we!

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Last Day

Monday, June 27, 2011

So today is my last day at my friends house and I will be going home tomorrow. It feels very weird to me. On one hand I will miss my friends. I haven't been able to replace my car since the accident, so I doubt I will see her much once I leave. On the other hand I am looking forward to being home. Being in my space. Seeing my babies again (my 2 dogs). It's been two months and I miss them like crazy. I may cry if they don't recognize me! emoticon.

But it's also scary. I will be in a different surrounding than I'm used to. I have so much equipment that I have to use to get around, I'm nervous that it will be difficult to adjust. My bathroom is much smaller than the one here, so I'm worried about the walker fitting into the bathroom.

I'm concerned about sleeping. I'm finally able to sleep in my hospital bed completely flat. This is good because the transition to a regular bed shouldn't be too far away. I really just want to get into MY bed and see if it's comfortable enough to sleep in.

I'm also thinking about space. My room isn't that big. So I'm thinking about how I will get my wheelchair around. There is a cabinet that I know will have to be moved... I just don't know where the heck I will put it. Actually, this just occured to me... maybe I can put it on top of my dresser (it's small). It's been there before, so I know it will fit. I just will have to find a place to put my dvd player, directv box, and Wii. Hmm.... nothing coming to me yet. Oh well... I'm sure it will be better tomorrow when I can actually SEE everything. It's great cause Johnny will be with me the whole time, so that makes me feel so much less stress. And I'm sure tomorrow will be very stressful.

On a lighter note, the ramp is supposed to be finished today (just in time!) So at least I know I will be able to get in the door!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

INSHAPE2011 6/30/2011 11:24AM

    You'll feel so much better when you are home and you can make the space work for you, solutions will come to you once you are there. Take your time to adjust and keep sparking, we want to hear from you.

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JUDY1676 6/28/2011 11:31AM

    I do hope the move back home is going well. Let us know how you are doing.

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Do a little dance...

Friday, June 24, 2011

Sorry, jk. I WISH I could dance! I mean, I can shake my arms and wiggle my waist, but you sure can't call it dancing. I did, however, do some Pilates. Yup, yup. A friend and I picked out a 10 minute Pilates video on Netflix for the upper body. I wheeled myself in front of the tv and went for it. There were a couple moves that I had to modify, since I couldn't use my feet, but I made it through, completing every move. And with no pain to boot.

I also have been trying to work up the ability to sleep in a regular bed. So far, I've been sleeping in my hospital bed, with the head slightly tilted up and the feet all the way up. Slowly, I managed to get my head all the way flat, and my feet barely up. I only need the feet up a bit because the boot is large and extends my leg realllllly flat which makes my knee hurt. So, I figured I would try to lay flat on a regular bed and put a pillow under my leg. I woke up the following morning horribly sore. Everywhere. It was awful. I credit this to the fact that the mattress is much firmer than the hospital mattress... and I think that my muscles (surrounding all the healing broken bones) aren't ready yet for that firmness.

On another note, I will be going home on Tuesday. Since leaving rehab (nursing home), I've been at a friends house and the time has come to an end. I will be returning to my home, to my own bed (which I'm not sure will be any more comfy...but is possible since it's not a firm mattress). Though to be honest, I've never cared for firm mattresses. My ex loved them, and we (I) constantly battled (complained) over what was more comfy. He always won. blah. But my newest mattress is much softer... so we will see. Either way, I will have my faithful hospital bed as backup.

Lets see where next week takes me...

  


Sigh

Friday, June 17, 2011

So yes, I've been away for a while.... I'm used to it. Starting and giving up. But hey, at least I keep starting again, right?

Though, starting again is a very loose term for me right now. I had a car accident 6 weeks ago that left me broken pretty good. I had a lacerated liver, partially collapsed lung, and I broke several ribs, numerous vertebrae, and a complete fracture of my tibia/fibula (the ends of my leg bones completely snapped off). I had surgery on my leg and they inserted 5 screws and one long pin into my fibula. The doc ordered 3 months of no weight bearing on my foot (yes! 3 WHOLE months!) so I'm halfway through. The cast JUST came off and now I have a boot. No walking, of course, but I have to take the boot off 5x a day to work the ankle so that I can regain my range of motion (after this long, plus the swelling, my ankle barely moves) in my ankle.

Thankfully, the pain in my ribs and back has subsided drastically, so moving around doesn't make me cry anymore. But with my foot as it is, exercise is pretty much out. I try to keep my arms strong, but my core is very weak (wasn't too strong to start with) and my right calf is almost non-existent. In order to do physical therapy in 6 weeks, doc says, I have to regain my range of motion in my ankle and be strong enough to actually use the leg. Therefore, each time I remove the boot, I'm doing isometric exercises for my calf and some circulation exercises to decrease the pain and swelling in my whole leg. Plus, I'm using my ace bandage as a "theraband" type thing. I'm wrapping it around the top of my foot (near my toes) and pulling toward me and then working my ankle back and forth, strengthening my ankle and helping to increase the movement in the joint. It feels like I have a mountain to climb and I forgot all my gear at home...BUT, in just two days, my range of motion has increased, so it gives me hope that this really will work. Though I have to admit, I think it will be scary when I actually get to walk on the foot.

I did manage to lose 10 lbs since my accident (very happy about that!), but it's only because the first 2 weeks I was barely able to eat. But regardless, its lbs lost, so I'm happy. I have PLENTY more to lose. Though thankfully, my appetite has returned. It's just difficult because I can't cook for myself right now, so I tend to chose things that are simple, so that I can make them, and so that those who are helping me, don't have a million things to prepare. Unfortunately, this usually involves frozen dinners and other bad things. But for now, that's all I can do.

Ok, so it's off to bed for me. But if anyone has any suggestions for things I can do to strengthen my core (from a sitting position in a wheelchair, or a hospital bed) and to strengthen my calf (without the use of my ankle, like when doing calf raises), please let me know.

Good night!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

INSHAPE2011 6/18/2011 5:58PM

    Getting back on track after such an experience is really commendable, well done girl! Keep looking for exercises, ask your doctor or physio too. Losing 10lb is brilliant and the more you lose they easier it will be on your leg when you finally are able step on it. Wishing you speedy recovery ...
emoticon

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BUTRFLY_FREEDOM 6/18/2011 11:58AM

    Thank you Pamela, I am headed over to that team right now to check it out. and thanks to both of you for your kind words and support!

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CHARLIESGIRL69 6/18/2011 10:03AM

    Wow, you have endoured a lot! It is amazing that you seem to be dealing so well with everything. Good luck on recovery. I wish I had some better advice for you on how to strengthen your core but I think joining the group mentioned above would be a great way to start.

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STARSAPPHIRE57 6/18/2011 12:20AM

    Wow! You are fortunate to be alive-those are some serious injuries!

It sounds like you are making improvement working your ankle--keep that up. As far as working your upper body and core, take a look at the Chair Exercise Team. I joined them recently due to health issues that prohibit me from doing more traditional exercises. There are some great DVD's from a couple of companies--all described in the Team's Forum. I ordered a set of 3 DVD's from http://www.chairdanicing.com. You perform all the exercises from a chair; but, they do give you a workout!

I admire your strength and determination--keep it up-you can do this! Sending prayers and light for a complete recovery!
Pamela
emoticon emoticon

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Rough Couple of Days

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Diet-wise... it has not been a good week/weekend. I'm down to random stuff in my fridge which means that to get my proper meals I have to get creative. Which honestly, I just haven't had the patience for. So I haven't been eating on my schedule or eating the right things... though I haven't really been eating BAD things... well except for some homemade pizza.

I just tired of the effort. I read somewhere here on SP that someone looked at getting healthy as a job, which gave her no choice but to do it (you can't call in to work because you don't feel like going). And you know.. that's about how I feel right now. You know how when you start a new job, everything is stressful, you don't know how to do everything (you usually get trained in something, even if it's a system on their computers!). It's stressful. Plus you don't know anyone and you really have to put in a LOT of effort just to get through the day. But eventually, things chill out, you're making friends and you feel confident in your job.

Well... I can't wait to get to THAT point in my dieting job!

  


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