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"I'm not that fat" and other excuses

Friday, December 19, 2014

I went to the doctor again today because I've been bleeding for a month (give or take) now. I wanted something done about it, so we got me on some birth control pills to "reset" my system.

While the conversation went on, I started to panic a little. Once again he was blaming my fat for the issues. I don't think it has *that* much to do with any of my health problems, it's more likely age related, but he kept on telling me that the weight probably had something to do with it too.

I weighed in at the doctor's office at 195, a whole 2 pounds lighter than last time a week ago. He was not into hearing excuses, although I seemed to be full of them today. Yes, I did tell him that "I'm not that fat", when really, I should know better and that 195 is well into the obese category for my 5' 6" frame. I was giving several excuses for why this last weight gain went on, he didn't want to hear the second part of any of my sentences.

I didn't get to tell him that it's now my past and will be getting it right off again. I did tell him it will be gone again, but I'm not sure if he heard. What he did say was that he knew I could do it (he has been my doctor since before my biggest weight of 230) and that I'm worth it and that he was confident in my abilities.

So on that positive note, he left me knowing that I could do it and that he heard some of what I had to say instead of simply judging me for being fat.

Now I need to get rid of any lingering excuses (even with the upcoming holiday!) and not let anyone weigh me down this year, especially not myself.

I am more than a clinical diagnosis (both for the Asperger's and the obesity), I am a good mom, a helpful partner in my marriage, a creative being, and a head strong woman who is willing to take the steps to improve my life. I may be going in many directions, but I will be sure to enjoy the ride with the one person that has always been there with me my whole life, ME!

I will get to my goal weight this year with renewed strength and determination. It was the same doctor that started the thought in my head (along with an innocent first grader who told me "You're bigger than my mom") and with the goal weight he gave me of 150, I knew I could do it since it's been my ultimate goal the whole time. I have to get to a healthy weight so I can do things more easily and have the body that allows me.

195 is uncomfortable, I don't like it, I've been ignoring it, even to the point of giving up on my one pair of jeans. Sweatpants are not my friend, I will look good in my jeans again soon!

Who's with me? What are your excuses? How can you get over your hump? Let's do this thing!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KELLIEBEAN 12/19/2014 10:29PM

    I'm going through a series of videos at work about leaving lean (not lean as in skinny but lean as in healthy and free from obsessing about food). In one session we listed out the rationals we have used to snack.... stress at work, family stress, hurt feelings, because it's there, it tastes good etc. Then they went through each rational and showed how they are actually lies we tell ourselves.

So we are focusing on being aware that we are in control, life circumstances are not in control of us. At first I thought it was hoky, up-with-life, corporte yadda yadda talk but the more I listen to it, the more it is sinking in.

Your doctor is right, you can do this. Keep that positive attitude, especially when you have a bad day. You are in control.


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CATTUTT 12/19/2014 9:08PM

    I'm pretty good at making the excuses too. SOunds like you're ready to give yours up and get healthy, though. Good luck!

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SWEETNEEY 12/19/2014 8:36PM


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KRISTA987 12/19/2014 8:24PM

    emoticon emoticon Let's do this!!!

Comment edited on: 12/19/2014 8:24:25 PM

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HOLLYM48 12/19/2014 6:39PM

    emoticon EVery day is a new day to start again! You can do this!

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FRAN0426 12/19/2014 4:16PM

    I know you can lose the weight again, and I am getting back on track too. Honestly,if you have been bleeding with a period for a month, I wouldn't be doing much either. So I am hoping you get results from the pills, and then you will be able to get your exercise groove back without feeling dragged down with the draining feeling from a period.running for so long.

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WIFE49 12/19/2014 3:52PM

    emoticon Just keep pushing, you will get there. Hope the pills help you.

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KAREN608 12/19/2014 3:34PM

    Yeah, excuses, desire to eat ANYTHING... all problems for me. Old habits die hard for me. I need strict portion control. And to keep moving more as I tend to sit still too much.

Do you think you might have uterine fibroids? I don't know why your doctor just assumes it is excess weight/hormones. I guess they do not want to do an exam when a gal is still bleeding but sure aggravating for you.

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L3ON3TOO 12/19/2014 2:34PM

    Excuses--AH YES! Isn't it amazing that we humans can justify ANYTHING if we try hard enough! You have a great doctor--he makes you face your own reality and deal with it. So many just don't take the weight issue up with their patients. Keep up the good self analysis.

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KATIAT325 12/19/2014 2:19PM

    You can totally do this! I'm glad that your doctor pushes you without judging you. As long as you're confident in your doctor, it will be good.

As for the bleeding, I had that happen when I was in college, that was horrible. It's so draining and made me lethargic. It stopped when I finally stopped using the BC pills I was starting to use. (A nurse prescribed me a pill to trigger my cycle, and then BC pills to start once that cycle started...but my cycle didnt end!) So I broke up with my bf who pressured me into taking BC pills (we didn't even do anything since the cycle wouldn't stop), dumped the pills, and poof! It stopped. So goodluck. I know how hard it is. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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And they changed my start page again

Thursday, December 18, 2014

I'm not sure what's up with the Spark webpage editors, but once again they changed it. I know I'm not the only person that has a hard time with change.

I'll admit that I like the light background vs the dark lettering, it's easier to read. The thing is that once a year this website changes it's front page for us and it throws everyone off for a while. I'm searching for the things I've been clicking for the last year again. I know I'll find them, but I will be off kilter more than I have been for the last month with just one more change on my plate.

When I'm doing something, I like to change it up every once in a while just for something new, but when it's done for me, it sets me off balance. It's like when I go shopping and knew exactly where a particular product was yesterday, but had to run in the next day and they reset the store and put an isle half-way across from where it was.

Changing up the store, erm... website again will be more likely to shut me down and not want to use the site still. People are trying to change their habits and learn how to use the told here, but then they're changed up again? That can be harder for many than it seems for young people who are likely running the site.

I guess I'll have to treat it like I'm here learning it for the first time (again!), take a deep breath, and take one step at a time to get to know the new layout.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SWEETNEEY 12/19/2014 8:38PM

    i think they change it more than once a year. I guess that's technology

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BEBARB149 12/19/2014 11:06AM

    I agree about the changes, especially with John. I've seen too many times that people change things just because they believe their job depends on them constantly "improving" their area. I find the changes disconcerting but, being older, I like the idea that my mind has to work at figuring out the new configurations. Such effort may help stave off senility. At least I hope it does. I should get something for my efforts. emoticon

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FRAN0426 12/19/2014 12:43AM

    So glad to see I am not the only one who gets upset with changes. However the newest changes didn't take long to adjust to. You too will be fine with the changes real soon.

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FRAN0426 12/19/2014 12:43AM

    So glad to see I am not the only one who gets upset with changes. However the newest changes didn't take long to adjust to. You too will be fine with the changes real soon.

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KRISTA987 12/19/2014 12:33AM

    I totally hear ya! I feel like I was just getting used to the last front page and they go and change it on me.And now it's kinda like the older front page. Just so confusing, and for no real reason either. What they need to do is make it more customizable where we can move the tiles around for our own personalized front page and then have the option to save it! Quit messing around with the site! It's hard enough to stay motivated enough on our own as it is!

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KAREN608 12/18/2014 1:46PM

    I agree, adapting to forced changes is a pain!
I will LIKE this blog so maybe spark will see it...

I am 55 and changes jar my mind. But if I lose the ability to adapt, I will get stuck in a rut. Too many changes all at once IS a bother.

My internet is slow in the country and the ads mean it takes 30 seconds or MORE to load most web pages for me. I hope I can move back to town someday with fast internet. It is one of my dreams.

I stay with Spark as it is free, I like the challenges I join and I am used to tracking my food/fitness here. To change to a new site or a notebook would not be easier on me !

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RODGRODMEDFLOD 12/18/2014 11:21AM

    One of the most important skills for today's young work force is being adaptable to change.

I understand your frustration with the Start page changing and us having to relearn where everything is. However, as an IT professional, I doubt the developers of this site made the changes without trying to improve things overall. Usually we are so busy we don't have time to make changes to web pages or applications unless we are being asked to by our customers.

In this case, we the users of SparkPeople, are the customers so if we don't like the changes we need to give them feedback.

I agree the ads are obtrusive, I use free AdBlock Plus software on Google Chrome which deals with everything on my PC. Doesn't work on iPhones or iPads though.

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JOHNMARTINMILES 12/18/2014 10:26AM

    It is simply a matter of people changing things for the sake of changing them toi make the point that they are not superfluous! Job security!

Make Today the Greatest Day of Your Life

emoticon Until Tomorrow!

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BEAUTIFUL_REINA 12/18/2014 10:19AM

    I get so tired of the changes. I used to love the "team stream" but since they took it off I hardly use the team pages. I used to love the emails but now I don't even read them. They make one change after another and most of them suck. Every now and then one will be good. Mostly there are too many of them. The ads are taking over too. I still love spark but it isn't as good as it used to be.

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And I went to the doctor

Thursday, December 11, 2014

I do feel more informed about my body this week. I may not have solved the problem yet, but we're keeping an eye on things to see if they improve on their own. Basically he said as long as we're not worried about being anemic, it's fine that I'm still bleeding 2 1/2 weeks later.

He did order up some testing and I got an ultrasound, but that proved again that I'm normal. So now we wait.

The big things that did happen was that I stepped on the scale and it isn't liking me again. I knew I was up a little, but a full 10 pounds more? I haven't gotten over 200 again, but that's close. It's time to concentrate on eating as best as I can again for the sake of my body. It's obviously out of whack and working on eating like I was 6 months ago will probably help it both lose the weight and get the hormones back in check.

Yes, it might have something to do with my age, although I think it's a little early, the beginning stages of menopause can start to show it's head now that I'm 38, almost 39 (in March).

All the chocolate candy bars did not help, nor the Nutella.

I do have my fridge and pantry stocked back up with good stuff, fruits and veggies. The dinner planning site ( is helping me concentrate on making a full, healthy, delicious meal every night. I am making sure to keep on having my good breakfasts of fruit, yogurt, oats, and nuts every morning. I just need to work on the stuff in-between those things.

I know that I'll be back down quickly. As long as I'm making the right choices every day, I'll be right back on the track I was not that long ago. It's just as easy to get back on track as it is to have fallen off to begin with. Fortunately healthy food tastes better!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KRISTA987 12/14/2014 11:00AM

    Glad to hear you're being pro-active in figuring out what's wrong. Hopefully you don't have to wait too long for your results. (waiting is the worst part!)

Sounds like you're already starting to get back on track. You'll get rid of those 10lbs in no time!

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BEBARB149 12/12/2014 10:40AM

    Keep at the doctors until you get some answers. They have so many patients anymore that if they don't hear from you, they don't think about you. The pounds do creeps up on us. :-D Glad you noticed the creeping early.

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FRAN0426 12/11/2014 10:33PM

    Getting back on track --WTG. Glad to see you went to see the doctor, got some peace of mind for now with the testing the did. It is tough playing the waiting game, but yup about your age is when I started having problems with periods and peri menopause.

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NUTINLOOKSLIKE 12/11/2014 10:12PM

    Congrats on getting back on the track that makes you feel the best! Hope you feel better soon!

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KAREN608 12/11/2014 6:15PM

    So did the doctor tell you when it is too long to keep bleeding? Sounds like you are on hold to wait and see. But your body might very well regulate itself again.

Once, six months AFTER I stopped having periods due to menopause, I spent 4 days with two teenage girls in a small camper. I had a light period in a few days. I swear to you all their excess hormones in close quarters did something to me. The human body is amazing.

Glad you are back to eating well. Just shows me it is a forever thing, to eat right is the best thing.

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KELLIEBEAN 12/11/2014 4:36PM

    I'm glad you are getting more informed about your health and getting back on track.


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ALIHIKES 12/11/2014 1:29PM

    Glad you saw the doctor, and good decision to go back to healthy eating basics

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JTREMBATH 12/11/2014 12:58PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MPLSKEN 12/11/2014 12:43PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KABMPH 12/11/2014 12:39PM

    I'm glad you're asking questions about your health! It's so hard to do, to continue that follow-up.

Good luck!

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SUNNYWBL 12/11/2014 12:32PM


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This must be the year for the body to break down.

Tuesday, December 02, 2014

I'll admit that I haven't been doing nearly as much activity as I did the previous year. My Mom has been getting on me about it since we're Fitbit pals.

That is only part of the issue. Oh, this might be another tmi blog, so you may want to stop here if you don't want to hear about girly problems.

I'm 38. Still fairly young on the going into menopause age. Sure, it's possible I'm in the very beginning stages, but that peri-menopause thing could have easily started in my early 30's when my periods got closer together, lighter, and shorter. I've always been right on schedule from the first one and it hasn't stopped since, minus the two pregnancies.

I was googling (I know, bad thing to do when you're looking up symptoms), and saw that with this current period I really need to see my doctor. I normally last 4-5 days pretty much since having my last baby 8 years ago. I'm on day 8+2 of this period (I say that because it paused for a day or two).

This scares me because my mom ended up in emergency surgery because her insides fell apart. I know it's said we turn into our parents, but this is one problem I hoped to skip.

Fortunately there are new methods to take care of some of these issues, but when things aren't "normal" for me, it throws me off and my anxiety goes through the roof. It's harder when my doctor has been dismissive about all these symptoms I've had because they're within his norm for the women he sees. I don't care if it's normal, but if I'm told so, I'll calm down a bit.

I know this month is nowhere near normal, so I'm going to kick some butt at the doctor's office this time. He needs to do some testing. No one should ever bleed this long. If he won't listen, I will go to the other ob-gyn at the office for a second opinion. It's my health at stake and the doctor needs to be serious with it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BROOKLYN_BORN 12/3/2014 6:43AM

    Yes, demand that they check further or find another doctor. You're not a statistic. You know what's normal for YOU.

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FRAN0426 12/2/2014 11:42PM

    Certainly a good idea to get another opinion if your doctor won't listen to what you are saying nor carry through with some testing. Wish you all the best.

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SUNNYWBL 12/2/2014 11:20PM

    Get that second opinion for sure!m emoticon emoticon

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HOLLYM48 12/2/2014 7:49PM

    Good luck, I hope you can get your doctor to listen, and if not, I agree, get another opinion from an ob/gyn doc.

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ALIHIKES 12/2/2014 12:49PM

    Best wishes to you in getting a doctor who takes you seriously, and in getting your condition fixed/helped. I started having problems from uterine fibroids in my late 30s; had a couple of D&Cs and finally had a hysterectomy at age 43. Afterwards I wondered: Why did I wait so long? I didn't want kids; I didn't need the misery I was going through!! The fibroids by then had blocked my entire uterus and engulfed one ovary and cervix, killing a lot of tissue in my internal female parts (p.s. I never suffered from ANY of the horror stories people share when warning women against getting hysterectomies)

Good luck!

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CATTUTT 12/2/2014 12:18PM

    Sorry to hear you're having girl problems, those are the WORST! I hope you can find a doctor that will take you seriously and figure out what's going on. Good luck!

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KAREN608 12/2/2014 11:04AM

    You need a doctor that listens to you, and does a good exam. I do hope it is 'nothing', just hormones out of whack, something simple like that. It is stressful to have our bodies doing something out of the ordinary.

I had a difficult but short menopause time. For me, extremely heavy periods, scary, and hot flashes of 30 minutes with extreme crying. Only it lasted three months and it was all over. Very not normal! So everyone is different. You may not go the route of your Mom's insides falling apart.

So get yourself to a decent doctor (look till you find one) so you can see what is going on and get more settled. I pray it is nothing serious and passes quickly.

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BEBARB149 12/2/2014 10:50AM

    There's nothing wrong with looking up symptoms on the Web as long as you go to reputable sites. Doctors are now using software on the Web to make diagnoses. Yes, get a second option. I didn't when I should have and now I'm regretting it. But I wouldn't go to someone at the same office. He might not want to contradict his friend. I'd go to someone outside his office. Better to be sure and a little embarrassed for making a fuss than not getting treatment when you need it. Hope you get some answers soon.

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NEPTUNE1939 12/2/2014 10:45AM

    Knowledge is power. You might be interested in Body builders KNOW nutrition & it darn sure doesn't hurt to make the body stronger, emoticon Muscle supports, fat is a drag.

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An exciting Sunday!

Monday, November 24, 2014

I was able to sleep in a bit and get into the shower in the morning. I was worrying about how to get the cake ready for the party I was having at one of my friend's home.

I just got out of the shower (fortunately I was rinsed off and drying) when the fire alarms were going off. At this point I hadn't even eaten breakfast. We looked around to see why they were going off (I live in an apartment building) and found out that the ones in the hall were going off too. So we evacuated. With plenty of time to grab stuff, we got the kids with all their winter gear, our coats, and wallets.

Yes, there was an actual fire. Someone had their meal catch on fire, the grease they were using flamed up. The reason it spread was they tried to put it out with water, the worst thing to do with a grease fire. When a grease fire happens, remove it from the heat source, smother it with a lid if it's in a pan, toss baking soda on it, or use the proper fire extinguisher. The best thing was that with our fire alarms, it sends a message to the emergency system and they arrive shortly. I heard sirens by the time I was walking out the door, so it was a quick response.

Fortunately we live in town, the nearest fire house is on the other side of the park from us, a couple minutes drive.

The other good thing is that there is a good sprinkler system in our building. They now have to clean up the mess that the water made. This is what spilled out into the hallway.

To find out the most information, you place your body near the people with the most information. I actually found out plenty when I went to take pictures of the damage in the hall, obviously I didn't have permission to go into someone else's apartment. People like to talk to me, I just show up and listen.

Apparently the sprinklers work really well, in the apartment there was a half-foot of water standing during the incident. No one was hurt and it was contained to that kitchen. It was on my floor, but down the hall and around the corner. I'm sure there is a lot of water damage to multiple apartments.

My husband knows the couple, so hopefully we'll be able to find out how we can help them this week.

By the time I left in the afternoon, the carpet cleaning guys were still working and the dumpster was full by the time I got home from my party.

For your information about grease fires:

They're more common this time of the year, especially with people frying turkeys for Thanksgiving.

It only took an hour before we were allowed back in the building. Hopefully there wasn't too much damage to everyone surrounding the apartment that had the fire. The hall is already starting to smell moldy. emoticon

I did manage to make my cake and get to the party on time later. I made a new frosting, browned butter frosting to go with an apple cake. It turned out yummy. I ended up having a good time at my party and we ate a yummy meal.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BROOKLYN_BORN 11/25/2014 7:16AM

    I'm so glad everyone is safe. Thanks for the grease fire reminder. We're all conditioned to think of water as the solution.

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KRISTA987 11/24/2014 9:30PM

    Glad you guys are alright! Scary to think how quickly fires can spread...

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KAREN608 11/24/2014 9:14PM

    It must be comforting to see how well those sprinklers in your building work! LOTS of water.

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MJREIMERS 11/24/2014 9:11PM

    I'm glad the fire wasn't more serious. Although, the clean-up is a pain! Do you need a taste tester? I'll gladly volunteer my services! emoticon

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NUTINLOOKSLIKE 11/24/2014 8:45PM

    Thank God everyone was OK! Glad you ended up having a good time at your party!

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WIFE49 11/24/2014 3:26PM

    Glad no one was hurt. Good the fire alarms worked.

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FRAN0426 11/24/2014 3:21PM

    So glad to hear no one was injured. What a mess in the hall, but even worse in the affected apartmant i would think.

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CATTUTT 11/24/2014 3:02PM

    Wow, I bet the fire alarm was scary. Glad no one was hurt and most of the damage was water damage.

The cake sounds delicious!

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BYEPOUNDS 11/24/2014 2:24PM

    Sounds delicious and I'm glad that you are safe.

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