CALENSARIEL   33,651
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Dragonfly...

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Those of you who know me know I have a real thing for dragonflies. Long story for another time. BUT, God sent me a "kiss" this afternoon and scared the crap out of me! I had the biggest dragonfly I've ever seen in my bedroom window! It was a beautiful blue. Like water. Trapped it in my 4-cup measuring cup (and it's wings stretched clear across!) and finally set it free outside. Had just written one of THOSE journal entries. Wondered what on earth God was thinkin'! Had that sucker landed on me in the middle of the night, I'd surely have died of fright!

Feelin' somewhat better today. I swear I've been thinking I have narcolepsy! But I realized last night that my sugar was totally off the charts for some reason. Had 3/4 c. mac and cheese, 1 c. green beans, 7 Little Smokie sausages, and 1/2 c. peaches for dinner last night. Two hours later my reading was 235. I nearly choked. Shouldn't have been anywhere near that.

Got a bad tooth, and now I'm wondering if it's infected and driving my sugar up. Will be seeing the dentist next week. That where's-the-bed-I-need-to-lay-down-right-t
his-second-or-I'm-going-to-fall-down-r
ight-here feeling is really scary. When that happens, I sleep HARD. I really did look narcolepsy up this morning to see what the symptoms were, but I'm sure it's not that. Doesn't happen nearly often enough.

It's very weird...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HTAMALE 7/31/2014 11:11AM

    That dead tired sleepy feeling sounds worrisome. Let us know what you find out. Hope whatever it is can be easily treated so you're up and running asap.

My niece is terrified of dragonflies. Something about sewing her mouth shut. Must be from a book or story she's read. I wonder if you've heard the same story. I think dragonflies are pretty.

It's much too pretty outside to be sick, perfect weather here, warm not not, bright and sunny. Get better so you can enjoy it. emoticon

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A_RARE_BEAN 7/31/2014 7:03AM

    oh dragonflys emoticon gotta admit I don't like winged creatures eeeep!

I really hope you feel better soon, that dead tiredness is a hard thing to contend with and zaps any motivation to do anything strenuous! Didn't realise infections could have an effect on blood sugar like that. Whatever the cause hoping the solution is simple and you can get back to feeling like your normal self. I have a broken tooth too and am shoving cloves on it till I get back to London as no one will touch it with a bargebole since I'm not their patient lol.



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LUCKYDUCK2 7/30/2014 8:58PM

    That sounds terrifying with your blood sugar levels, especially not knowing why it is happening.

If you tooth was infected, you would know that too. It is such a horrible pain. I have had several over the years and each time ended up having a root canal so I pray it is not infected.

Since you are this tired, PLEASE take it slow and easy . Hugs and I sure hope you find answers or it levels out for you.

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AANGEL3 7/30/2014 7:03PM

    We always have dragonflies in our backyard. They like the ponds and stream. Dragonflies can symbolize change, prosperity, good luck, strength, peace, harmony, and purity. Dragonflies carry messages that deal with deeper thought and they ask us to pay attention to our deeper thoughts and desires. And since Dragonflies don't have long lives, they can symbolize that we should live our life to the fullest. Take yours as sign that things are going to be better.

Luv Ya!




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GEORGE815 7/30/2014 6:51PM

    I have seen beautiful dragonflies by a creek in the park.

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Under the weather...

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

His lordship and I are very thankful (NOT!) that our son loved us enough to share whatever bug he's had with us. Was down in bed till 12:30 today. Headache, achy Mac Truck hit-and-run feeling, little Rocky Mountain Quick Step... Felt some better this afternoon, but it's got me in its clutches again tonight, as well as the hubby...

But just wanted to post that Captain Amy and I ran away to Wendover, Nevada last Thursday. Played a few slots, had dinner, spent some time in the pool and hot tub. Then she went down to play Black Jack and I went to the room to read. It was a really nice laid-back 24 hours.

On the way there, we stopped near Tooele and had lunch with Holly Tamale. Hadn't seen her in probably ten years. We had a lovely time. She's getting ready for her life to be turned inside our with hubby retiring. We're praying for ya, girlfriend!

Anyway, just wanted to post something so I could say I posted something and I needed a couple more points to hit bonus today!

Headin' to bed now...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HTAMALE 7/30/2014 1:26PM

    I had a great time with you and Amy. So happy we were able to meet up on your way to a fun and relaxing weekend.

Sorry to hear you're under the weather, bummer! Hope you're up and feeling fine soon. emoticon

Also thanks for the "prayers" I'm gonna need them, lol.

Take care, hope to see you again before another 10 years goes by emoticon

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TOONACAT 7/29/2014 7:41PM

    Oh no, dang son, doesn't he know that pea-green ISN'T your color? emoticon

Sending hugs and soup, and hope you all feel better soon!
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LUCKYDUCK2 7/29/2014 10:52AM

    Hugs from a distance and hope you are feeling better today. emoticon

It really does sound like a fun trip. All of my friends have moved so far away over the years that our only contact is a phone. emoticon

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A_RARE_BEAN 7/29/2014 7:40AM

    Glad you had a good time and hope you feel better soon! emoticon emoticon

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Things that bring you fulfillment and joy...

Saturday, July 12, 2014

We're supposed to take an example of such a thing in our life to church tomorrow. No clue what the pastor is going to do with this stuff. But for me, I chose a journal I did when I was working through Julia Cameron's book "The Artist's Way." I started it on 8/12/06 and finished it up on 11/16/06.

It's FULL of all kinds of creative insights into my head and heart. It's the best journal I've ever done. And anyone who even just LOOKS through it would put it down with a clear understanding of who I am. It's full of pictures and poems I've written, insights, etc. It was quite a journey reading back through it this morning. Some of the little poemy things I wrote touched me or made me laugh. Thought I'd paste in a couple. These were in response to questions we had to answer from her book...

(I just post this junk on here because I have nothing else to blog about!!!)


9/11 Email

As the anniversary of 9/11 approaches,
the “Don’t Forget” email makes it rounds
for the fifth year begging us not to miss
the chance each day to hug our loved ones
just in case this is the last time you can.

It’s a sad email, made all the more so
by its ring of truth. Just ask me...
This morning, for instance, I sat fiddling around
with a writing exercise that wanted to know
what I liked to do as an 8-year-old.
Well, go to the library of course!
My dad got me my first library card
when I was 6, and was faithful, thereafter,
to share the big wide world with me.

But when he turned 71 he asked me to
take him to the library and teach him
how to use the new computer system
that now allowed entrance to that vast
domain of knowledge instead of the old
index cards. I promised I would...very soon...
I promised again when he turned 72...and 73...

Then suddenly, like a late spring rain, he was gone.
Once upon a time he had opened the door
of the whole world to me, but I had hindered his
journey into the “strange new world” of truncated
subjects by my careless disregard and neglect.

So you see? The email has the ring of truth
because it is the truth! Do it today! Give a hug,
a kiss, a kind word. Believe me, the few seconds
it takes to tell someone you love them costs far less
than the lifetime of regret if you don’t.

Hug someone on 9/11, and let them know
they mean the “world” to you.

I miss you, daddy.
9-7-6

(This was in response to a question
about regrets.)



Apple

The golden Avon apple candle sits on my desk
giving off its sweet, seductive fragrance,
just waiting for me to symbolically take a bite
that I may slumber in a dumb stupor
while waiting for my Prince Charming.

But even now I am slumbering emotionally,
growing more and more convinced
as the years go by that
there is no Prince Charming for me,
or that, at least, he must have ridden
right past me on that big white steed of his
and didn’t see me lying here.

Either way, I already feel numb and unwanted.
I don’t need a bite of no damn apple for that!

9/29/6

(Yes, his lordship and I have had a few bumps in
our road to Happily Ever After...)




Insomnia

There’s a crazy woman living inside of me
sharing my body, making my life hell.
When I want to lay quiet and drift off to sleep
she sings every song that comes to her mind
running the words and tunes through my head
like the ticker tape across the screen of a newscast.

And if she gets bored with that,
she replays the events of the day
rearranging them like words
on some damn game show board.
“I should have done this.” “I should have said that.”
“I wish I hadn’t,” and “Next time I will...”

To make matters worse, she fancies herself an
expert life manager and ponders deeply how
best to direct my family’s lives, counsel my friends
and fix the world!

And when she runs out of songs, scenarios and
suggestions,
she lays there wide awake and watches the clock,
listening for house noises that might actually be
something else,
something far more sinister, her imagination ignited again
by far too many TV murder mysteries.

I don’t want her to go away, not really.
I just want her to get her days and nights turned around
so she’s singing happily through the day and
channeling her vivid imagination and problem solving
prowess
into something constructive when I could use it most!

I want her to go to bed at the same time as me,
to close her eyes without a fuss
and give that busy mind of hers a rest.
We’d get along so much better on eight full hours of sleep.
It’s exhausting living with a crazy night owl in your head!

11/16/06

(Yep, I'm an insomniac...)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

A_RARE_BEAN 7/13/2014 12:19PM

    Thank you for sharing, this brought a smile to my face, many reasons... even though the subject matter is kinda painful.. I think that's what good writing does...makes you feel...but in a good way, even if you are crying emoticon . Insomnia is my fave and boy can I relate!

Interested to know what y'all did with those things today, do tell when you get back!!

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LUCKYDUCK2 7/12/2014 8:56PM

    I love this too. I can so identify with all three of your insights. Lets get your insomniac together with mine and see if they tire each other out instead of us. SIGH

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HTAMALE 7/12/2014 5:26PM

    I love your blogs, thanks for sharing them with us.
emoticon

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It was a hard day's night... And the floor was even harder!

Monday, June 30, 2014

So! Went to Salt Lake for an over-nighter Friday night with four of my homies. Got down there late and I was really pooped out. (I get very uncoordinated when I'm tired.) Didn't get to dinner (at the Spaghetti Factory) till about 8:00. I was so wiped out. Was sitting on the end of a bench at the table and got up to go to the toity and slid right off that sucker slicker than snot on a door knob! Hit the concrete floor hard on both cheeks! That was a lot of weight for such a sudden stop! Hit my left leg on the corner of the bench on the way down, turned my knee as my leg went under me, and slammed the hell out of hand and arm when I tried to catch myself.

I could barely SIT on the way back to the hotel. Even a margarita and a Long Island Iced Tea didn't help! Spent most of Saturday walking around shopping at one of the local tourist attractions down there (where I actually had the time of my life blowing $100 on myself!). Coming home was difficult in the car. And last night I didn't sleep well at all. I hurt all over.

My shoulder and leg have hurt a lot today and I've been sitting on a pillow. The girls are NEVER going to let me live this one down. Every time we went in to sit down to get a drink or a meal on Saturday they told the waiter "We better not have a bench! She can't handle them! (rolls eyes and moans...)

Off to bed now. Hope to sleep better tonight.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUCKYDUCK2 7/2/2014 1:55AM

    OMG...that sounds so painful! Not only the fall but twisting your leg like that. Please take it easy for a few days. emoticon

If it makes you feel any better...I am graceful like that also. We have to be related.

All kidding aside, I sure hope you are feeling better. HUGS

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HTAMALE 6/30/2014 2:37PM

    OMG that fall sounds terrible! Hope you're okay. You are quite the woman to pick yourself up and still enjoy the rest of the weekend. And good for you spending that $100 on yourself. It's about time! Enjoy the heck out of whatever it is you bought.

You and your friends sound like lots of fun. We have got to meet up!
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A_RARE_BEAN 6/30/2014 7:59AM

    oh no! Hope you had a good nights rest and you heal up real quick emoticon

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ALICIA214 6/30/2014 2:31AM

 
I bet you have some very colourful cheeks and other body parts too.I hope you feel better soon..


emoticon




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AANGEL3 6/30/2014 2:19AM

    OUCH!! If it doesn't get better (the pain I mean) you should get checked out. I'm so happy to hear that you had a good time though and did something for YOU!!!


OH..and I'll lend you my secret middle name...Grace! emoticon

Luv Ya!!

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No one’s coming! I owe Walt Disney an apology — apparently…

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Though I haven’t been posting on my WS&DW blog much about Sarah Ban Breathnach’s book “Peace & Plenty”, I’m still working through it in my hand-written journal. I’m a bit disappointed. There’s not nearly so many ideas and inspirations as there were in her other books. But now and then I hit an essay that really resonates with me. Today’s was one of them.

It was a strange one for a book about recovering from money woes. It was about divination, consulting fortune tellers, even using the Bible as a tool to divine your future. But what caught my attention was a quote by Dr. Nathaniel Branden, an expert in the field of self-esteem.

“No one is coming to miraculously change the course of our lives, make us happy, or do all the things we don’t want to do so we don’t have to do them. People can love us, support us, friends can cheer for us and comfort us, but no one else can be the engine of our own destiny.”

So why does that interest me? Because I suffer from that same kind of wishful thinking… Even as an adult.

S.B.B. started this essay by talking about how women during the depression era and the war years seem to have had this insistent need to micro manage their lives – to know what was going to happen to them just around the corner – they were constantly seeking out fortune tellers and tarot readers among other kinds of spiritualists. It became a thriving industry.

Oddly enough, I understand that obsessive drive. I’m the same way. I feel if I’m to have any peace in my life about next week, next month, next year, I need to know what’s going to happen so I can be prepared. I live with that pull 24/7 about every unknown in my life. And it’s not just the immediate world around me that distresses me, but the global world as well worries the hell out of me.

And while I’m frantically focusing on trying to discern my future, my actual life passes me by day in, day out and I’m missing most of it. Seems I rarely ever dwell in the present moment for very long at a time. At least it feels like that. (Though I think little league games and band concerts were the exception.) That’s probably an exaggeration. Still, that hope that “someone is coming” Branden talks about is the theme song always playing in the background of my mind as I carry on with my obsessive, chaotic search for control, fears piling up around me like ripe compost. Hell! I’ve spent my whole life waiting for my fairy godmother to show up and sprinkle me with fairy dust to make everything bright and shiny and perfect.

Now, lest you misunderstand, my life is pretty damn good. Wonderful husband, two great kids, three beautiful grandsons, one cantankerous cat, a little house admittedly in need of repairs, and a looming retirement for his lordship that’s causing us a bit of anxiety. That being said, however, how’d I manage to become so paranoid about the need to control my life? I had a 9 centimeter stomach ulcer by the time I was 20. I’ve been a worrier for as long as I can remember. Must be in my jeans. I mean genes.

Whatever the actual reason, for years I’ve blamed my obsessive behavior on Walt Disney and his damnable “and they lived happily ever afters.” But if what S.B.B. reports in her essay about how much time and effort women invested in divining their future is true, then maybe this wishful thinking is something women are born with and I’m not such a wingnut after all. Is this some trait built in from the caveman years for the hard times, for the preservation of the race so the matriarch that holds the family together won’t give up? (OMG! I never pictured myself as a matriarch… I don’t WANT that responsibility. I’m stressed enough as it is!)

Well, whatever it is that’s going on, I guess I owe Walt an apology. Apparently my particular brand of weirdness may not be his fault after all. I just need to shimmy into my “big girl britches” and deal with my life head on, trusting that what ever happens I’ll get through it. Maybe not with a lot of bibbity bobbity booity, but I will get through it. Don’t really have much choice, do I?

By the way, has anyone seen my fairy godmother anywhere around today? I think she's falling asleep on the job!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HTAMALE 6/30/2014 2:32PM

    Your life is "Pretty damn good"! Remember that. Some of those old cliches make sense like "don't sweat the small stuff".
I enjoy your blogs, thanks for sharing emoticon

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AANGEL3 6/27/2014 12:29PM

    You know...we can't know what our future holds for us. All we can do is not live in the past and live for each day that we have in the present. I think as women..we do tend worry more about what's ahead of us..maybe because we're the ones that bring our young into the world. As mothers we do look ahead for our children's sake. It's ingrained into our psyche..our DNA. We do need to learn to relax some.

As for wingnuts and fairy Godmothers...I'm card carrying member of Wingnuts Anonymous!! And I took care of finding our Fairy Godmother yesterday (Pssssttttt..she reads THOSE kind of books too!) LOL emoticon

Luv Ya!!



Comment edited on: 6/27/2014 12:30:48 PM

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LUCKYDUCK2 6/27/2014 1:43AM

    LOL My fairy Godmother threw her hands in the air and DEMANDED a new assignment years ago. I wore her out. I don't worry too much about the future anymore. I have found that whatever it brings, we always get by. I know you too can handle whatever comes your way. Hugs

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