CARILOUIE   83,599
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After careful consideration...

Saturday, May 07, 2011

My last blog was about how my honey is a little domestically challenged. I read all the wonderful, helpful responses I got and I decided to do nothing. I think just getting it out in a blog really helped.

Brad really is a wonderful honey... he is so good to me, so I felt bad about wanting to nit-pick what he did. So I had to do a few extra dishes. So I have to take back all the bill paying. Turns out that it works out better because I am totally anal-retentive about these things.

*I can't pay the garbage bill on-line, which is why I have to send it out. Everything else gets done electronically.

So here's why I love my honey.

emoticon He is an AMAZING chef and likes to cook at home. He likes to have me try out new recipes. How delicious.

emoticon He is totally supportive of my wellness endeavors. He notices my muscles, he encourages me to eat well and exercise.

emoticon He lets me go on vacation. He is ALWAYS working, so I think it would be easy for him to not let me go places. But he does. I was recently in Virginia for a few days, I did the JASR weekend, and at the end of June I am going to New Orleans with my mom.

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emoticon He is so supportive of my teaching. He's always telling me what a wonderful thing I do for the kids.

So there you have it. I can't ask for anything more. So a few dishes here and there... totally not worth it to me.

But thanks for letting me vent, and thanks for your good advice. I took it all in and I appreciate it.

Now go out and enjoy the sun!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOEGIRL 5/11/2011 11:06PM

    I happen to think that if you take a close look at a great couple, you'll find two people who, if combined into one, would make one PERFECT person. Which means, each of you isn't some of the things the other one IS. Division of labour is a good thing. Once in awhile I have to remind my hubby to DO some of the labour mind you - I like Bobby's suggestion to get a big bat!

Love the way you resolved this one, by the way. ;o)

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69NURSE 5/8/2011 8:19AM

    Voicing your inner thoughts to others really is cathartic at times. All of us have things we are not really good at, and for some spouses that becomes a big challenge to overcome. However, being able to think about all the other's positive virtues can make the "not so great" seem really insignificant at the end of the day. Thanks for listing all his great qualities. You are SO lucky to have each other. Have a great day. emoticon emoticon

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BOBBYD31 5/7/2011 6:54PM

    awww you two are just so sweet it makes me sick. vent as you want we are here for that too

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BOBBYD31 5/7/2011 6:54PM

    awww you two are just so sweet it makes me sick. vent as you want we are here for that too

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BOBBYD31 5/7/2011 6:54PM

    awww you two are just so sweet it makes me sick. vent as you want we are here for that too

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EATNBOOGERS 5/7/2011 2:51PM

    My original reply to the original message got eaten somehow, but what I said what that my hub and I do a lot of dividing and conquering, and we each tend to do the chores we're best at/like the most. There's plenty that needs to get done, so we don't really squabble over it. And yeah, focusing on the good is a good way to go! But not such a bad thing to grouse a little every once in a while. ;-)

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PINKCOCONUT 5/7/2011 11:40AM

    Awww! That's sweet! I do the same though, I have a venting session and then I'm over it because he does do his best and if I ask him to do something, he'll do it. I need to loosen up sometimes and remind myself that's okay to ask him to help and not just expect he'll do it!

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JENNSWIMS 5/7/2011 10:37AM

    Wow, they really are alike. I thought my Cheffrey was so unique, and then I bumped into you.


This is a great place to vent, because you know that people either share your experience, or just listen to what you have to say.



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MARLIMOO 5/7/2011 9:12AM

    GO GO GO- venting is therapuetic. Is that right? Yep I just checked. Have a wonderful weekend. Sunny does help.

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CHELLES_BELLS 5/7/2011 8:45AM

    LOVE this! My boyfriend is actually the nit-picker of the two of us. I'm the domestically challenged one, so when I read your last post, I was hoping you wouldn't say anything. I know I am not the best dish washer and that I leave my stuff out all the time, but I try to make it up for my boyfriend in other little ways so he knows that I care and that I'm an equal partner. Like, I do the laundry and grocery shopping, because I know he hates doing both. So from all of us domestically challenged folks, thank you!

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I need help/advice/guidance...

Thursday, May 05, 2011

So I'll start off with a good/bad thing and go from there...

Good - honey is helping around the house by running the dishwasher
Bad - the top spinning thing couldn't spin, so the top rack was still dirty at the end.

Good - honey and I share the bill-paying
Bad - the first (and last!) time I asked him to mail a bill, it didn't get paid, and we were overdue on our garbage.

Good - honey does the cooking
Bad - honey does *not* do the clean-up after cooking; today there were ants on the counter where dripped maple syrup was left out

So my needed advice is for this - when does "correcting" get to be nagging? I hate to nag, but I also don't want to have to re-wash the dishes every single time. I like that he cooks, but I also don't want to have to constantly clean up the mess. (I don't mind so much, but when ants come around? That's a different story.) I guess I will go back to actually sending in the bills...

My honey does not have very much experience doing things like this around the house. He had everything done for him when he was younger, and I just don't think he picked up the domestic skills along the way.

So do I keep filling in for him, or how do I teach him without sounding like I'm nagging? I really didn't mind re-cleaning *today* but at the same time, I don't want to do it all the time.

Help!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PILLOWFOOL 5/10/2011 1:58AM

    I wish I knew how to get through to the male mind. I have been trying to teach my husband how to hang up a towel for the last 5 years. honestly - does he like having a wet towel the next time he uses it? but I often wonder the same - when do my "helpful hints" and "small requests" end up sounding like nagging? ugh. good luck!

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CASSIOEPIA 5/6/2011 11:50AM

    Ants are a "no-go"! He really needs to get it on that one, and shouldn't need too much encouragement - does he like to see the ants on the counter? Whether he was domestically trained as a child or not, that one should be easy to learn!

Loved Bobby's advise to take the bill-payments online. I do that, and it's so much easier and time saving. I even use the future-dated feature, to pay them the day before they are due, but they've been long filed by that time.

And if he is loading the dishwasher incorrectly so that the spinner is prevented from moving, he needs to look after the results - ie washing the still dirty dishes by hand! He won't make that mistake twice!

I'm sure there are things about each of us that could be improved. Perhaps ask him what he would like to see you do a better job of, while you are asking him to be better. Not one of us is perfect, and there is room for improvement all-round!



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JUDIL62 5/6/2011 11:36AM

    Some people just need instructions. I don't think it's nagging if you ask nicely!



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BILL_CLECKNER 5/6/2011 9:14AM

    This is just my (male-biased) opinion, but I would continue to emphasize/encourage the good that he does!

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CFMOSS 5/6/2011 6:35AM

    Yep I'm thinkiing good luck and if you find the smooth easy answers - let me know.

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TORTUETOO 5/5/2011 11:44PM

    I agree with Deej - just make sure your sandwich doesn't come out as "I really love it when you cook me dinner...but..." Andy says then when I start with a compliment and then proceed to a "but..." it immediately puts him on the defensive. You know Brad and how to best get through to him, so communicate in a way you know that he will understand. Just be honest, be gentle and do it at a neutral time when you can both be calm about it (i.e., not when you're setting ant traps on the kitchen counter). emoticon

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BOBBYD31 5/5/2011 11:19PM

    if he cooks for the two of you then you clean up and vice versa

have him load dishwasher but double check it if it is wrong show him how to do it and why it was wrong

quit mailing bill and do them all on line, saves so much time and money on stamps but teach him after you have it masterd

sometimes guys need hit in the head a little harder, get a big bat

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COOPSM 5/5/2011 11:15PM

    Carrie---I got lucky with my hubby...you just need to sit him down and explain the things that bug you...maybe he has no clue how you REALLY feel about it...good luck!!!

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LISAW/3 5/5/2011 10:43PM

    It sounds like we are all married to the same person! What are the odds of that?
Mine does well with direct, simple, specific requests, like 11 SPROUTS mentioned.
If it is one of his "regular" chores that hasn't been done, I try to phrase it as a question, such as "are you going to take out the trash tonight?"
But, I do try to compliment when he does to things- I am hoping for some positive reinforcement!

Good luck and let us know if you figure it out!
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JEN-ATX 5/5/2011 10:40PM

    i make deals with my husband and i "give" him things i don't mind doing. so one day i said, "you will NEVER have to clean the tub again if i NEVER have to take out the trash". deal. another one is that i will empty and load the dishwasher, but he will hand wash all the pots and pans. there are still things tha i cant get through to him- rinse your oj and milk cups, put the canister back where you got it when you're done with it... sometimes i just send him a picture of it to his phone with a growl. then he laughs, but is reminded. maybe there are some deals to be made between you guys. good luck!

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CHEPRBYTHEDOZN 5/5/2011 10:35PM

    Like Deej says, if it's truly bugging you, it needs to be dealt with. She has the best advice, IMO.Talk to him about, see if there's a 'list' of things he does and you do that can be agreed upon. Dr. Laura says that men are just big boys and no matter how many times you tell them, they still need to be guided and asked to do things. I don't know why-but I have learned (after lots of anger and emotions) to just simply ask nicely. "Will you please help kaelin get her pj's on?" "Will you call the kids inside?" He doesn't realize what's going on around him..not his fault..he's a man!

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DEEJ4FITNESS 5/5/2011 9:30PM

    Hmmm.... that's a toughie but after nearly 32 years of marriage; take it from me it's not good to hold things in if they're really bothering you. Find a place outside of your normal turf, while taking a walk or while out for a drink or dinner and make him an ice cream sandwich. LOL I mean compliment him on something (there's clearly plenty to choose from), then share that there's a few things you'd love to have more help with such as....., then end again on a positive note. (that's an ice cream sandwich, the best parts are the chocolate but the ice cream in the middle's not so bad :)

I also like the "choose your battles wisely" advice. Again, ice cream sandwich if it's really bothering you rather than holding it all in (communication is KEY to relationship success:) but if it's not really a biggie & it's just a situ where he's weaker in one area than you are, (as in bill paying) then may not be worth trying to make him change unless you want to assign him one small task at a time for training & build from there.

All I gots for now :)

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PINKCOCONUT 5/5/2011 9:18PM

    Oh my gosh I wish I could help! I love Alan, obviously, but other than laundry and the garbage (to which I am very thankful) he very rarely takes the initiative to do anything around the house unless I ask him to (and then I have to be VERY specific or it only gets half done). I want to bring it up but, like you, I don't want to have it turn into nagging. He also had just about everything done for him growing up and his own Mother just does the surface work as well so he never learned to look around and do what needs doing.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have dishes to put away that haven't been in done in two days even though SOMEONE was off work during that time...

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MOXIE-IN-MOTION 5/5/2011 9:18PM

    I kind of pick my battles. Bills, I take care of. We have a joint account, I pay everything electronically, and I know it is getting paid.

He usually cooks. Dishes in the sink, one of us will get to them in a day or two. If he leaves stuff on the counter, I usually clean it up after him. He's not too good at that. But my theory is, if he's willing to cook, and do dishes every so often, I'll wipe off the counters.

As for the dishwasher, I don't know. My hubby loads it okay.

Things like laundry, I do b/c I'm super OCD about how it is folded and put away. But he does bathrooms (including toilets), so I'm not complaining.

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OUTSENE 5/5/2011 9:13PM

  I am me. I am myself, and I am calm.

I stop myself from chastising him for forgetting. I will complete my mission and I will let him complete his.

Sometimes our journeys cannot be the same, but I remain in control of all that I can be.

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ETTEZEUS 5/5/2011 9:06PM

    Ah Carrie, good luck! I've been on *my man* since we got married about similar stuff....and still he does things the way he wants.

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EATNBOOGERS 5/5/2011 9:03PM

    I know some people have a "you cook, I clean/I cook, you clean" policy, etc., but we really tend to divide and conquer. Ie, we each do what we're best at/like the most, and we each do our share. My hub pays the bills, because I'm terrible at getting them in on time. I do most of the buying of things, though (incl. groceries). He does the floors, I do the bathrooms. I do the yard work, he does anything that requires getting on the roof/getting on a ladder.

You need to talk to him about it sometime when it's not front and center.

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FEISTY1949 5/5/2011 9:01PM

    Ha! I'm almost 62 years old and have been married twice (once divorced and once widowed). My advice is .... there is no answer that is acceptable, at least it never was to me. It's a true Catch 22 'cause you're damned if you do and upset and angry a lot if you don't. This applied more when I was young and married the first time. It didn't happen in marriage #2 but by then I was 57 years old and he was all grown up too. You have to learn to accept that which drives you crazy or give up.

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JENNSWIMS 5/5/2011 8:58PM

    My husband is a total pig when left to his own devices. When he was a bachelor, his mother went to use his bathroom, came out, drove to a gas station and used a public restroom instead of using his. Can you freaking imagine?

Here's the deal at our house: you cook, I clean. I cook, you clean. Hubby is a chef by trade and I hate it when he cooks because he makes such a mess! He is a terrible bill payer, so he is only allowed to pay the bills that are in his name, so my credit doesn't get affected!

I wish I had answers for you, but I really don't. I can just offer empathy because it sounds like we are married to the same person. I have even had the dishwasher problem.



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Um, yeah... no.

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Today was ACES (All Children Exercise Simultaneously) Day at school. The teachers could wear Phys Ed teacher gear. Wahoo! This was a perfect opportunity for me to head to the gym after school! I even wore a sports bra to school.

Wow, do colds ever take a long time to get over.

By the end of the day, my voice was shot. I was still coughing and exhausted. So I headed home. The intention was there, at least.

But I'm not going to beat myself up over it.

Maybe I'll give myself until the end of this week to be non-gym-going, and then Saturday morning I will get going. A week should surely be enough time for my body to get its down time.

Veal is in the oven, potatoes are boiling... dinner is going to be yum-o! Gotta get that asparagus steamed!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SAMSPARK1 5/5/2011 10:51AM

    Feel better soon! Sometimes our bodies need a break!

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PINKCOCONUT 5/5/2011 10:46AM

    :( Feel better, hon!

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JUDIL62 5/5/2011 9:11AM

    Feel Better! Sometimes sweating it out helps though when you feel up to it. Dinner sounds delish....I love veal.

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GSDMIKE 5/5/2011 7:32AM

    Feel better soon.

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SOUTHGOINGZAX 5/5/2011 2:36AM

    Hi Carrie,

I just wanted to let you know how awesome you are, weak immune system or not!

You are a fantastic sparkfriend!

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TORTUETOO 5/4/2011 8:49PM

    Colds take a long time to get over? You're tellin' me, woman! Two weeks with pneumonia...I keep waiting to wake up one morning and feel spunky again. Sigh. Here's hoping both of our spunkiness returns - PRONTO!

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CASSIOEPIA 5/4/2011 7:49PM

    Listen to the body - you aren't ready just yet. Hope you feel better soon.



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LYNNANN43 5/4/2011 7:41PM

    Oh well! At least you got to wear comfy clothes to school today:D

I agree... Rest up! emoticon

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EATNBOOGERS 5/4/2011 6:01PM

    Get some rest! You're still fighting this thing. See how you feel tomorrow.

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Happens every time.

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Whenever I make these big plans and/or goals, I get sick. Never fails.
I had every intention of making fitness consistency a priority in May, and now I am fighting off a nasty cold.

Ok, I'm done complaining.

My body needed some rest - I think that's what it's trying to tell me. My second graders just had a musical and it was go go go to get ready for it. Not that it was particularly stressful, it was just time-consuming. E-mails to send out, dates to coordinate, practices to schedule...

This is the laziest I've been in a really long time. And you know what? It feels great. I mean, really great. I've just done was *needs* to be done, and I have been taking it easy on the couch. Ahhhh.

I think I'd like to try to get in a hot bath before we get a thunderstorm...

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARLIMOO 5/4/2011 1:28PM

    We do need to listen to our bodies. You will be back at it in NO time.

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MKKAYA 5/4/2011 12:25AM

    Carrie, rest is always good! enjoy and you will get back on track! rest up!!


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BOBBYD31 5/3/2011 10:48PM

    hang in there and your body will thank you for all the rest

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GONE2014 5/3/2011 9:22PM

    Hope you feel better soon!!

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EATNBOOGERS 5/3/2011 7:30PM

    I think our bodies definitely make us pause and rest if we don't do it ourselves. (Being sick still sucks, though.)

Feel better soon!

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JUSTBIRDY 5/3/2011 7:22PM

    Get well soon!

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Kicking off May with a snooze.

Monday, May 02, 2011

If sleeping would add fitness minutes, I'd have at least 15 hours in since last night! But sleep really *is* the best way to get rid of a cold. By tomorrow, I should just be about rid of this nastiness.

April observations:

- did well with no coffee. I am still drinking tea for breakfast, and I haven't been as tired. Wahoo!
- Brad and I stopped buying bread. We make it here ourselves, and it's really been good for me. I no longer eat random slices of bread because I think I'm hungry. Now I just need to work on grabbing a piece of fruit when I'm hungry.
- Water intake was better, but still not where I'd like it to be.
- Fitness was inconsistent. I had lots of stuff going on during the weeks in April, and this kept me from going in the morning.

May:
- have a glass or bottle of water with me at all times!
- have more easily-eaten fruit available. We have clementines right now, and I just had a few. Yum!
- Three mornings a week at the gym - first thing. I find it so hard to go if I don't go right when I wake up.

Off to grab a glass of water and hit the couch...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KALIGIRL 5/3/2011 9:00AM

    emoticonApril and even more emoticonMay!
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EATNBOOGERS 5/2/2011 8:07PM

    What helped me many years ago when I needed to increase my fruit intake was to be extra picky. I *only* buy my absolutely favorite stuff. (Fortunately, I like a *lot* of things, though.) Eg, I don't buy navel oranges. There are many types of apples I won't touch with a 10 foot pole. I'll only eat bananas at a certain ripeness level. I *love* pink lady apples, clementines, all melons, all berries, pineapple, etc. You get the drift.

I hope you're better soon!

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POETANDMORE 5/2/2011 4:13PM

    Haven't started a good exercise routine yet. Your blog was a nice reminder. Thanks!

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JEKRUNS 5/2/2011 4:12PM

    Sounds great! Making your own bread is so much better and makes the splurge so much more worth it. Keep on sparking!

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