CARILOUIE   83,599
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A little Friday family drama

Friday, July 29, 2011

For the last few weeks I've been feeling really anxious and my stomach has been constantly in knots. And I finally think I really know why.

If you didn't read my blog about Brad and me getting married, we didn't do ANY planning except for calling the courthouse to see what day they had available to marry us. We went to the courthouse, just the two of us, and got married. It was so special and just what we wanted. We didn't have to plan anything, we didn't spend any money (well, $40 for the license) and I didn't have to be the center of attention (something I HATE).

The day before The Big Day, Brad and I went to a picnic at his cousin's house. His family was SO excited that we were finally getting married. They couldn't wait to celebrate with us afterwards! I called my dad and he was SO excited. He said "that is so special, just the two of you!" and he couldn't wait to celebrate with us.

I called one of my best friends and she was SO excited. She and her boyfriend couldn't wait to celebrate with us. They came over for dinner the day after we got married and we had a really nice night. I called another one of my best friends and she was SO excited. I could hear her smiling.

I went to dinner with a very good friend from school and she was SO excited. She loved that we just went and did it. And so on... everyone was so excited for us.

Except my mom.

I called her the day before we got married, and you know what she says (after the long silence)? "Oh well, that's what you wanted." No congratulations, no "that's great!", no happy words. Just "oh well." I was so disappointed. I didn't even know what to say. We hung up shortly after this.

The morning we went to get married, this "conversation" I had with my mom went through my head and I kept thinking "should I do this today? Should I wait and plan something?" But what was even stronger in my head was the thought that the day was Brad's and mine. This is what we wanted.

So fast forward... I didn't talk to my mom in the three weeks after we got married. And we used to talk all the time. She sends me an e-mail about how she was disappointed that "I didn't get to get manis and pedis with you. I wanted to go dress shopping with you. I wanted to take pictures." And at first I was like "oh my goodness I made a huge mistake." But I didn't reply right away, which was good. I read the e-mail a million times, and what I noticed was that there were tons of "I" sentences. Nothing about me... it was like she was upset because we didn't do what SHE wanted.

After a few days I replied that what we did was how we wanted to do it, and it was hard to decide that. And it was. I knew that there would be some disappointment, but I didn't think anyone would actually *say* that they were disappointed!

And I have to admit - a part of me is a little angry. I'm angry that my mom could be that selfish. There was supposed to be a big celebration and lots of happiness following our wedding. But I don't really feel like planning any celebration when my mom doesn't feel like celebrating. Everyone else is SO happy for us and I've heard nothing but good things.

So this is what's been eating me up for weeks. I told Brad how sad and angry I was, and he said that I should just give it more time. That's what I've been hearing from lots of people - that I should just give it time. Sigh...

On a good note, my brother just called me. He got a job!!!

Thanks for sticking with me through my vent!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MIAMIA7 7/31/2011 8:30AM

    Carrie-sometimes we just have to accept our parents for who they are. My mom was never a hugger or didn't say I love you much. She was a stern German mother but I knew she loved me. As she grew older she needed to lean on me for help and softened quite a bit. We grew so much closer at the end. What I am getting at is your relationship with your parents change over the years. I agree with Brad about letting it take time. Although if at some point you can talk with her in a calm manner about how her reaction hurt you it might help. She was disappointed that she didn't get to do the typical bridal stuff with you but she needs to see that this is what you wanted and her comments hurt you. Hang in there and concentrate on how everyone else understood and time will tell if she will understand also!

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BILLALEX70 7/30/2011 8:42PM

    Sorry to hear all this Carrie (except the job!).

I'll tell you that parents are not always what you think they'll be. My own mother has never been fond of my wife for whatever reason. If you put her on the spot about it she'll deny it every time, but we all know the truth.

Live your life the way you want and only please yourself.

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BOBBYD31 7/29/2011 8:49PM

    hugs miss carrie, it will pass over time. you have to remember this is about you and brad, your mom will come around some time just to try to keep including her as you did before. some day she will realize that it was your day not hers.

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CHEPRBYTHEDOZN 7/29/2011 8:11PM

    Carrie-I can imagine your mom is upset-you two do alot together and she obviously had big plans for the day. But, I'm glad that you went ahead and did it your way. You cannot do everything for everyone else...yo uand Brad are a family now and make your decisions.
I agree with the others,give it time and try to keep the lines of communication open. I can TOTALLY see my mom blowing up if I did that! she was a total witch the week I got married telling me "you never keep me informed of what's going on," etc,etc...I lived with her, I told her EVERYTHING but that was her way of dealing with the emotions of little girl getting married. I still have dreams about not being able to get out of her house! LOL!
Congrats,again and I hope things clear up soon and go back to cozy with you and Mom.

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PINKCOCONUT 7/29/2011 3:22PM

    Oye. Now there's a sticky situation, eh? I think I understand where your Mom is coming from, I'm sure she dreamt for years of you getting married but, unfortunately, she dreamt of a wedding YOU didn't want.

I wouldn't necessarily brush it under the carpet as, if you yourself are angry, it'll just come out in another way (possibly blowing up at her about something silly). If you do sit down and talk with her about it, try to be understanding but also try to get her to understand your side of it. In the end, she'll probably still be disappointed but at least you talked it out and gives her time to get over it and you time not to stuff the anger down.

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KALIGIRL 7/29/2011 1:08PM

    Sorry for the differing opinions - time will heal you both and congrats on doing things the way you wanted.

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RUNTRILAUGH 7/29/2011 12:45PM

    I'm sure she'll come around and be just as happy about your MARRIAGE as you are about how the CEREMONY went...



Comment edited on: 7/29/2011 12:47:30 PM

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JILLIANPRNCSS 7/29/2011 12:36PM

    I can see how your mom would get upset. I would cry if my daughter didn't have a big wedding but yes that is what I want, maybe not her. Your mom needs to suck it up and she will get over it once she sees how happy you are.

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MARYHOLMAN 7/29/2011 12:31PM

    A lot of mothers live for the day that their daughters get married. Maybe they are trying to relive their youth or want something they never had. It's like a father wanting his son to follow in his footsteps by working in the same profession. She is showing a lot of disrespect for you by not letting you live your own life.

If there is a problem-it is HER problem. Give up all this self-doubt. Accept it and get on with enjoying your life with your new husband. Before you know it she'll be demanding grandchildren!

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CANDOK1260 7/29/2011 12:07PM

    well some mother dream about their daughter wedding from the time they are baby but you know it really is your married and that how you wanted to start it that your business not her give her time

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ROSES4UN4ME 7/29/2011 11:53AM

    AAAWWW YOU POOR BABY if that what you and your husband wanted then she should be happy for you no matter what.... my daughter and her husband now went to VA to a chapel me and my g f went along and we had a nice time we brought her baby back home with us so they could spent time together.... but i see where your mother is going.... a mother always wants a big wedding for her daughter and going through with all the planning of picking out a dress for you and just doing girly things together.....so maybe if you let her plan a reception for you she would feel needed... did you try talking to her and explaing the reason you didnt have a wedding and that you wanted it to be special for you and your husband????

WELL GOOD LUCK AND CONGRATULATION TO THE HAPPY COUPLE
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND
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ANNAGIBBS0113 7/29/2011 11:33AM

    You did the right thing. My hubby and I where going to elope just us. But his mom flipped out and we had a small ceremony to make her happy. Everything was nice but we still talk about how we should have just done what we wanted too.

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ROOT4HOME 7/29/2011 11:25AM

    Wow - totally sounds like it's all about your mom...let her cool off and hopefully realize it isn't about her...it's about you and she should be there to support you (and Brad) in your marriage! I'm sure she'll come around...hang in there! emoticon

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Hooray for today!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Woke up early!
Had lots of water!
Great workout!
Good eating!
Fun night with friends!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KALIGIRL 7/29/2011 1:00PM

    Way emoticon

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BILLALEX70 7/29/2011 5:49AM

    Sounds like a fantastic day!

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PINKCOCONUT 7/28/2011 11:17PM

    Hooray!!!

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LAMARY9 7/28/2011 10:18PM

    Its a wonderful happy day in Roswell.

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FIORENZA 7/28/2011 10:13PM

    Great day to be happy! Enjoy!

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Spark On!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Today was, overall, a good day.

emoticon started out with a cup of coffee and a walk around the loop of my neighborhood. It was a beautiful morning, and it made me remember how much I enjoy taking my little walks.

emoticon baked some whole-wheat-flaxseed bread (YUM!) and then honey and I walked around the loop together. It was so nice to spend a little time with Brad!

emoticon got stitches removed. Mole was normal - yahoo! The drive was HORRIBLE - so much construction and paving. There and back took me about twice as long as it should have.

emoticon emoticon I went to McDonald's for lunch. I knew I was going to have to eat away from home - the timing of my stitches thing... Got the quarter pounder with cheese meal. I hate to admit this, but it tasted really really good. The good news is that I don't think I'll be wanting McDonald's again for a very long time.

emoticon came home and spent some time with Brad (he was home in the afternoon for a bit - very nice) and then cut up some veggies for dinner. I made a really delicious Mexican-inspired pork taco filling (fresh corn, black beans, cabbage and onions from the farm, jalapenos and cilantro from the farm... VERY delish) and had it with some corn tortillas. I even used Greek yogurt instead of sour cream, so it was very healthy! YUM

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emoticon Cut up more veggies from the farm - made it easy to just grab them and throw something together for dinner.

Tomorrow I'm kicking it into high gear. I have my workout plan ready to go - four weeks until school starts, four weeks to establish a routine and a mindset for when I go back to work.

I think it's the perfect evening for a hot bath!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAMROLA 7/28/2011 12:10PM

    Sounds like a wonderful day to me--McD's not a bad thing on occasion. You'll work it off!

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SEPPIESUSAN 7/28/2011 9:03AM

    Oooh, I wish I hadn't read the part about having just 4 weeks left of summer vacation. It goes by so fast! I am glad for you that you get to enjoy it - TWO loops around the neighborhood?! Only in summer, right?

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KALIGIRL 7/28/2011 8:54AM

    Sounds like a emoticonday.
I used to 'treat' myself to McD's QPwC until I found I became very sluggish after consuming...

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ETTEZEUS 7/27/2011 9:47PM

    Yay to all....even McDonalds....LOL


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DONNAGOWAN 7/27/2011 9:00PM

    emoticon emoticon

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The grass is always greener...

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Brad's and my schedules could not be more different. He is SO busy opening a new restaurant, and he is working ALL THE TIME. Me? I am off for the summer. Last night I was SOOO upset. We had a talk about it - I think my issue is that I don't want him to forget about me while he's at work. I know he doesn't, but I told him that I really would like a phone call at some point during the day just to hear from him.

So what do I get just about two minutes ago? A phone call from Brad! I was so happy to hear from him. I just need that little bit of love. :)

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Eating has been, eh, ok. It's kind of not fun cooking for just me - I don't feel like I want to put any effort into making my food special. Today for lunch, though, Brad was actually home (he got to go in later today!) so I made a veggie-marinara sauce (kind of like a primavera) with some angel hair. I really seasoned it well - it was SO good and SO healthy. But when I'm by myself? Forget it. I'm lucky if I can throw together a salad. I think the key is preparation. I just need to spend a lot of time in the kitchen and get stuff ready. Cut up lots of veggies, get salads ready... kind of like a restaurant kitchen. I have learned a lot from Brad's work - prep is SO important. So a new focus - PREP WORK.

Fitness/workouts - non-existent. I have stitches in my forehead (by my hairline, so they're not right in the middle!) from a removed mole and I was not supposed to bend over or lift anything heavy while I have the stitches in. And I don't think that doing cardio and getting lots of sweat on my wound would have been a good idea, either. So I've been getting lots done around the house. I hung some pictures I've been looking at for weeks, I did some serious cleaning (vacuuming the ceiling corners!), and making phone calls. Phew!

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And I don't want to get too ahead of myself here, but school starts in a month! In a month from now I will be sitting at the beginning-of-the-year orientation. And aren't habits formed in 21 days? It's the perfect time for me to start my school-year routine (ugh) of getting up early for the gym, planning all my meals, and getting my weekly food ready at the beginning of the week. This is not a bad thing. I have to admit, while I love having the summers off, the lack of routine really throws me for a loop. I have all the time in the world, but my excuse is "I'll do it later, I have time"; the time comes and goes, and all I've done is sit on the couch and play Angry Birds or watch Criminal Minds (even if I've seen the episode 7842397 times already).

On another topic, I noticed this evening that my eyes are really bloodshot. I found out that dehydration can be a cause of this. It's been so stinkin' hot and I KNOW I haven't been drinking enough water. Hopefully a few days of some super water drinking will get rid of my red eyes!

Off to drink some H2O!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PINKCOCONUT 7/27/2011 10:21AM

    I hate it when Alan works late and doesn't call. He's normally pretty good at it but if he's busy and doesn't have time I get in a funk. He's been working late since Sunday so my nights have been bleh.

I hear ya, routine is KEY! I'm trying hard to stick to a routine now that I'm working from home and it's hard! I'm doing alright but on days like today, I just slept the hell in and missed my run (have to work all day and then my last class of my term tonight).

Discipline sucks!

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KALIGIRL 7/27/2011 9:01AM

    Here's to getting back into the swing and adding water!

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BOBBYD31 7/26/2011 10:58PM

    carrie sometimes we(guys) forget the little thing because we get so wrapped up in work. glad you talked to him. no get away from angry birds and start you prep, then you can come perp for me

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RYVERMOM 7/26/2011 9:32PM

    Oh girl I defiantly understand this post, me and my boyfriend's schedule are crazy hectic, and he doesnt understand that even a text or a call helps get through the times we are apart.

Hes gotten better but he still doesnt fully understand "my emotional woman thinking". He's like i think of you and miss you, and im like well show me that...it helps so we dont bicker lmao.

Im only 2 days old on this site and its already making a big difference seeing so many people to connect to and talk with and motivate and be motivated.

Good luck

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JOEJMCNULTY 7/26/2011 9:24PM

    Good Luck!

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FLYSHOPGIRL 7/26/2011 9:18PM

    I think the crazy non-compatible-with-anything-normal
-people-do schedules are something that all guys named "Brad" have. My Brad owns a fly-fishing pro shop and guiding outfitter service--one here in town and one up the hill in Woodland Park (nearer the river). He lives up in WP most of the time to run that shop while his parents work in the one down ehre and summer is by far his busiest season. It's my only downtime as a teacher. Upside, I can go up to visit more, but I still don't see him much--maybe once every couple weeks at most. We planned for FOUR MONTHS to go see OAR at Red Rocks Amphitheater this Friday and because he has so many guide trips (that just came up this past weekend that aren't optional) going out and things are so busy, we can't take the time to go. He'll be on guide trips (as the owner!) all weekend...and there's just no way to do both. I AM SO BUMMED. So yeah, I feel your pain. During the school year, there is always a long-range trip to somewhere exotic during the month of my birthday, October, usually the week of my birthday, so we never celebrate it until Christmas, which is usually the next time I see him (for a few minutes on Christmas Day) because of dealer trade shows that he has to go to out of town in November, December, and January (right after New Year's so we lose that holiday too). Because I'm in school for 10 months and have school events several times a month at night, there are times that we have gone 4 months without seeing each other. Thank GOD for IM! Without it, we would never converse at all. I can't WAIT till we live in the same house. I dunno that we'll know what to say!

Well done on creating the new school year habits!! I started in July because we go back to school on August 1 (teachers anyway for 2 weeks of meetings and 1 work day--kids on the 17th.) You can do this!! Just tell yourself that if you do it NOW you don't have to think about it the WHOLE rest of the day. That seems to work for me.

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oooh ooooh oooooh

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

My head hurts. I got a mole removed this afternoon and the stitched area is hurting a little bit. I don't feel like doing anything, and I have to sleep on my back with my head elevated. And tomorrow I have to drive an hour for a follow-up appointment at the doctor.

On the plus side, I am planning a 2-3 day trip to a spa with a friend of mine. She is a teacher too, and today we were both lamenting the non-schedule of summer. So we're going on a little trip. I've been checking out some great spas...

Off to make some popcorn and watch some Without a Trace.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAYLINSTEPHENS 7/21/2011 11:28AM

    ooohhh! a spa visit!!

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CHEPRBYTHEDOZN 7/21/2011 11:06AM

    mmmm...popcorn and movie...FUN! hope the head is feeling better today:)


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BARBIETEC 7/21/2011 10:41AM

    I hope you are feeling better!

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DIZZYDOC 7/21/2011 8:55AM

    Think about the Spa and it will keep your mind off the pain. The spa sounds fantastic.
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CFMOSS 7/21/2011 7:30AM

    Hugs to you. Take a look at your sunflower background - I had to smile:)

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CAMROLA 7/20/2011 10:11PM

    Feel better--just think of being pampered at the spa! emoticon

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SHIHJABO 7/20/2011 9:14PM

    Hope you feel better soon. Enjoy the movie!
BArb

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