Friday, July 29, 2011
For the last few weeks I've been feeling really anxious and my stomach has been constantly in knots. And I finally think I really know why.
If you didn't read my blog about Brad and me getting married, we didn't do ANY planning except for calling the courthouse to see what day they had available to marry us. We went to the courthouse, just the two of us, and got married. It was so special and just what we wanted. We didn't have to plan anything, we didn't spend any money (well, $40 for the license) and I didn't have to be the center of attention (something I HATE).
The day before The Big Day, Brad and I went to a picnic at his cousin's house. His family was SO excited that we were finally getting married. They couldn't wait to celebrate with us afterwards! I called my dad and he was SO excited. He said "that is so special, just the two of you!" and he couldn't wait to celebrate with us.
I called one of my best friends and she was SO excited. She and her boyfriend couldn't wait to celebrate with us. They came over for dinner the day after we got married and we had a really nice night. I called another one of my best friends and she was SO excited. I could hear her smiling.
I went to dinner with a very good friend from school and she was SO excited. She loved that we just went and did it. And so on... everyone was so excited for us.
Except my mom.
I called her the day before we got married, and you know what she says (after the long silence)? "Oh well, that's what you wanted." No congratulations, no "that's great!", no happy words. Just "oh well." I was so disappointed. I didn't even know what to say. We hung up shortly after this.
The morning we went to get married, this "conversation" I had with my mom went through my head and I kept thinking "should I do this today? Should I wait and plan something?" But what was even stronger in my head was the thought that the day was Brad's and mine. This is what we wanted.
So fast forward... I didn't talk to my mom in the three weeks after we got married. And we used to talk all the time. She sends me an e-mail about how she was disappointed that "I didn't get to get manis and pedis with you. I wanted to go dress shopping with you. I wanted to take pictures." And at first I was like "oh my goodness I made a huge mistake." But I didn't reply right away, which was good. I read the e-mail a million times, and what I noticed was that there were tons of "I" sentences. Nothing about me... it was like she was upset because we didn't do what SHE wanted.
After a few days I replied that what we did was how we wanted to do it, and it was hard to decide that. And it was. I knew that there would be some disappointment, but I didn't think anyone would actually *say* that they were disappointed!
And I have to admit - a part of me is a little angry. I'm angry that my mom could be that selfish. There was supposed to be a big celebration and lots of happiness following our wedding. But I don't really feel like planning any celebration when my mom doesn't feel like celebrating. Everyone else is SO happy for us and I've heard nothing but good things.
So this is what's been eating me up for weeks. I told Brad how sad and angry I was, and he said that I should just give it more time. That's what I've been hearing from lots of people - that I should just give it time. Sigh...
On a good note, my brother just called me. He got a job!!!
Thanks for sticking with me through my vent!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Woke up early!
Had lots of water!
Fun night with friends!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Today was, overall, a good day.
started out with a cup of coffee and a walk around the loop of my neighborhood. It was a beautiful morning, and it made me remember how much I enjoy taking my little walks.
baked some whole-wheat-flaxseed bread (YUM!) and then honey and I walked around the loop together. It was so nice to spend a little time with Brad!
got stitches removed. Mole was normal - yahoo! The drive was HORRIBLE - so much construction and paving. There and back took me about twice as long as it should have.
I went to McDonald's for lunch. I knew I was going to have to eat away from home - the timing of my stitches thing... Got the quarter pounder with cheese meal. I hate to admit this, but it tasted really really good. The good news is that I don't think I'll be wanting McDonald's again for a very long time.
came home and spent some time with Brad (he was home in the afternoon for a bit - very nice) and then cut up some veggies for dinner. I made a really delicious Mexican-inspired pork taco filling (fresh corn, black beans, cabbage and onions from the farm, jalapenos and cilantro from the farm... VERY delish) and had it with some corn tortillas. I even used Greek yogurt instead of sour cream, so it was very healthy! YUM
Cut up more veggies from the farm - made it easy to just grab them and throw something together for dinner.
Tomorrow I'm kicking it into high gear. I have my workout plan ready to go - four weeks until school starts, four weeks to establish a routine and a mindset for when I go back to work.
I think it's the perfect evening for a hot bath!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Brad's and my schedules could not be more different. He is SO busy opening a new restaurant, and he is working ALL THE TIME. Me? I am off for the summer. Last night I was SOOO upset. We had a talk about it - I think my issue is that I don't want him to forget about me while he's at work. I know he doesn't, but I told him that I really would like a phone call at some point during the day just to hear from him.
So what do I get just about two minutes ago? A phone call from Brad! I was so happy to hear from him. I just need that little bit of love. :)
Eating has been, eh, ok. It's kind of not fun cooking for just me - I don't feel like I want to put any effort into making my food special. Today for lunch, though, Brad was actually home (he got to go in later today!) so I made a veggie-marinara sauce (kind of like a primavera) with some angel hair. I really seasoned it well - it was SO good and SO healthy. But when I'm by myself? Forget it. I'm lucky if I can throw together a salad. I think the key is preparation. I just need to spend a lot of time in the kitchen and get stuff ready. Cut up lots of veggies, get salads ready... kind of like a restaurant kitchen. I have learned a lot from Brad's work - prep is SO important. So a new focus - PREP WORK.
Fitness/workouts - non-existent. I have stitches in my forehead (by my hairline, so they're not right in the middle!) from a removed mole and I was not supposed to bend over or lift anything heavy while I have the stitches in. And I don't think that doing cardio and getting lots of sweat on my wound would have been a good idea, either. So I've been getting lots done around the house. I hung some pictures I've been looking at for weeks, I did some serious cleaning (vacuuming the ceiling corners!), and making phone calls. Phew!
And I don't want to get too ahead of myself here, but school starts in a month! In a month from now I will be sitting at the beginning-of-the-year orientation. And aren't habits formed in 21 days? It's the perfect time for me to start my school-year routine (ugh) of getting up early for the gym, planning all my meals, and getting my weekly food ready at the beginning of the week. This is not a bad thing. I have to admit, while I love having the summers off, the lack of routine really throws me for a loop. I have all the time in the world, but my excuse is "I'll do it later, I have time"; the time comes and goes, and all I've done is sit on the couch and play Angry Birds or watch Criminal Minds (even if I've seen the episode 7842397 times already).
On another topic, I noticed this evening that my eyes are really bloodshot. I found out that dehydration can be a cause of this. It's been so stinkin' hot and I KNOW I haven't been drinking enough water. Hopefully a few days of some super water drinking will get rid of my red eyes!
Off to drink some H2O!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
My head hurts. I got a mole removed this afternoon and the stitched area is hurting a little bit. I don't feel like doing anything, and I have to sleep on my back with my head elevated. And tomorrow I have to drive an hour for a follow-up appointment at the doctor.
On the plus side, I am planning a 2-3 day trip to a spa with a friend of mine. She is a teacher too, and today we were both lamenting the non-schedule of summer. So we're going on a little trip. I've been checking out some great spas...
Off to make some popcorn and watch some Without a Trace.
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