CARILOUIE   83,796
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Fear of Failure

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The good intentions were there - I had my gym bag packed, I read a bunch of inspirational blogs, I even posted that I was going for a run after school! But 4:00 rolled around and it felt like I got run over by a bus. Seriously?!?!? So I came home and spent the evening on the couch drinking tea and sleeping. I even slept in late this morning - got over eight hours of sleep. There is nothing like a cold to smack you back into reality.

So today I'm taking it easy. I'm not going to make a decision on after-school stuff until it's actually after school. Sigh...

It's hard not to feel let down after something like this happens. I was SO excited to get to the gym yesterday, but I just couldn't bear the thought of it. I don't know how it affects any of you, but I feel a little bit like a failure - like I have to justify it to everyone because it's such a disappointment. I know that I'd be kind to anyone else, but I just can't get past my own feelings of guilt.

I guess that's why it's so hard for me to post goals or plans - I'm so afraid of failure. I'm embarrassed that I said I was going to the gym and I didn't go. I get humiliated when I put up a weight-loss goal and I don't meet it. But if I keep it all in, then I don't have to worry about it. Sigh... I guess putting myself out there is what Spark is all about. To learn not to be so hard on myself.

It's time to head off to school. Have a great day!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DMURPH409 1/31/2012 7:20AM

    Here are a fwe inspirational quotes for you to try and help you along... (I have no idea who said them though!)

“Life's real failure is when you do not realize how close you were to success when you gave up.”

“The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.”

“Try and fail, but don't fail to try.”

“Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street.”

“Failure is the tuition you pay for success.”

Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough.

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SOUTHGOINGZAX 1/25/2012 1:19PM

    Hey, you.

I hope to be back here more often, eventually. Sometimes you just have to get through things, minute by minute, you know? We all sometimes create standards that are too high. I'm tired of being sad, for example, but I can't expect myself to just be better tomorrow. Baby steps, you know? Take care of yourself. Feel better, maybe take a walk, first? Something small.

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SEPPIESUSAN 1/24/2012 5:33PM

    I think I feel the same way. I used to write long detailed blogs with my plans and I don't anymore - and I think my reasoning is the same as what you're describing here!

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RUNNINGWILD 1/24/2012 1:19PM

    I agree with Jenny. Do you know how many times I've been motivated by one of your posts? (no really, do you? I've lost count.) Keep your gym kit in the car. When you find the time to go you're ready. If not, it'll sit in the car until tomorrow. Don't stress. Don't apologize. You'll get there when you get there.

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RUNNERRACHEL 1/24/2012 11:30AM

    It happens sometimes that we don't meet our intended goal. Try for a smaller goal. When you reach that you will feel successful. I have as a goal that I'll do one Spark video a day. Even if I don't have any time that is my minimum exercise and when I do it I'm happy. If I do more it's a bonus. Or if you want to set 10 min goal a day and then if you meet that you can stop or keep going, depending on how you feel.

Sounds like that cold hit you pretty suddenly! Hope you feel better!

emoticon emoticon

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TORTUETOO 1/24/2012 11:19AM

    Bah, you're one of the most motivated people I know! If you skipped the gym, it was for a good reason. Good listening to your body and getting some sleep instead. You don't need to feel embarrassed. I've had my goal weight ticker at 130 for like 5 years and during that time, I think I've lost 3 lbs. Talk about failure! LOL No one is judging you except you - that's not what we're here for.

Hope you feel better soon! emoticon

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SRMACEY29 1/24/2012 8:38AM

    Your entry is titled Fear of Failure. I think my problem is a fear of success. If I manage to become the fit, healthy-eating person I wish to be, then the pressure is on to continue to do so for the duration. I once told a friend of mine that it's easier to be sick/unhealthy, than it is to well/healthy. At least it feels that way to me.

I think if I was to reach my destination, all the hard work and knowledge gained in getting there would be second nature and not such a chore to continue. But I'm having a hard time getting over the hump of convincing myself that this is true...

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Sunday, January 22, 2012

The more I read, the more motivated I become. Amazing.

The trick, though, is to take action based on the motivation. I can't just snap my fingers and lose 20 pounds. I need to act on what I read. Like that someone is running three miles a day? Lace up those shoes and get out there! Think it's great that a friend is making smoothies for breakfast and getting lots of good nutrients? Get out the blender and start using it!

The best way to get something done is to do it.

I used to really talk up this idea - I think it helped me with my initial weight loss. But with time, I got lazy. No more.

I am motivated and ready to go.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YOUNGNSMYLIE 1/23/2012 8:13PM

    Awesome! That's right! Speaking of which, I'm headed out for a run now ;)

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    WOOHOO!!!! Get to it!!! :)

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HEALTHYASHLEY 1/22/2012 7:04PM


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JOPAPGH 1/22/2012 6:49PM

    I'm right there with you. I stayed on top of the exercise but let the nutrition go and gained back the bulk of what I lost.

Taking things slow and steady. Tracked more days than not, plus have done at least 30 minutes of exercise a day. Nice to start seeing some results again.

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    Woohoo you can do it! I challenged myself this year to run in the winter and I finally did it.Now I can train all year round. Think of some challenges for you and work towards that goal. emoticon

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MIAMIA7 1/22/2012 6:37PM

    Go Carrie! I'm with you!

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The Chocolate-est Cake!

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Today I baked a cake. It's not a healthy Spark cake, it's a 4-stick of butter, cup of cocoa powder, 12 ounces of bittersweet chocolate Devils Food with Dark Chocolate Icing cake.

I can't even wait to eat it. Brad and I are going to visit some friends tonight; they are making ribs and pulled pork (YUM) so I volunteered to bring the dessert. Chocolate is always perfect. After my doctor's appointment yesterday, I stopped at Wegman's on the way home. If you are from the Northeast, you know about Wegman's. They have such wonderful food there; lots of specialty food that isn't easily found in other stores. I picked up a box of bittersweet chocolate that was recommended by a few cookbooks.

At almost a dollar an ounce, it isn't cheap, but it's well worth it. It is very smooth - smoother than any other chocolate I've ever had. It doesn't have that aftertaste that chocolate sometimes has. If you need a special chocolate for baking, I suggest you go out and get some of the good stuff!

We finally have snow and it is beautiful. I might go out in a little bit to check it out, maybe take some pictures. I sat around this morning with my coffee totally loving the peacefulness. Sigh.

Lots to do today... drink all my water, do some laundry, clean up the house a bit... have a super day!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BILLALEX70 1/22/2012 8:49PM

    Looks like a perfect treat to bring to JASR!

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GONE2014 1/21/2012 11:17PM

    Sounds yummy! Enjoy.

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MAYGIRL14 1/21/2012 9:36PM

    Sounds wonderful! I hope your evening was wonderful! Never heard of the chocolate, but I will have to investigate. I have friends in New Hampshire...

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MUFFIY831 1/21/2012 6:22PM

    Yummo! And yeah, Sharfen Berger is the best!!

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CFMOSS 1/21/2012 3:47PM

    outrageously good sounding....maybe not every day though, huh? enjoy enjoy enjoy and the ribs and pulled pork...what a meal.

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Cold = CARRRRRRRRRBS, please!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

It's funny how SparkPeople works. For the last few days I've been in a slight workout/nutrition funk. I haven't wanted to go to the gym, and I haven't been into tracking my food. Not that I'm in a personal funk - I feel good and I'm happy, I just didn't feel like being my Sparky self. Tonight I read a blog that was recommended to me, and it totally perked me up. Sometimes all it takes for me is reading a motivational blog to get totally inspired.

Have any of you ever been in a Spark funk? Sometimes I just don't feel like being careful with my nutrition and my fitness. I still think about my pants fitting and all that fun stuff, but it just doesn't matter. No gym for me. Extra bowl of cereal? Why yes, thank you.

Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment - I love having sick day on Friday. It's so refreshing to have a long weekend (I know we just had MLK Day, but I was at a waste-of-time in-service). I think I might get some fun new pampering stuff after my appointment... perhaps some new pants.

I have to talk to my doctor about changing my pill prescription. I've gained about ten pounds in the last year, and I don't know if it's because I've gotten lax about Sparking or if it has to do with my prescription. I need to talk to her about it.

Brad is out skiing right now, so I was left alone for dinner. As much as I like having Brad around, sometimes it's nice to have dinner alone on the couch. Silence and alone time can be nice.

It's about time to snuggle under the blanket. It's very cold - which could be part of the reason I haven't felt like doing much of anything and why I want to eat an entire box of Girl Scout cookies...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CFMOSS 1/19/2012 9:01PM

    I know it's not funny - it's serious; but you are funny...hmmm....girl scout cookies....cold outside - i don't have the girl scout cookies but i do have this really tasty apricot raisin pie...... hang in there.

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MARLIMOO 1/19/2012 7:42PM

    Hell to the yeah. I was for November and December. Avoided here like the plague- no tracking, etc. That equalled me getting up to 164 from as low as 151! Damn it. So I am back- still battling, hired a trainer again, and really focused and tracking my face off. I hope this works. I am feeling good so that is a sign. Carbs are kicking me too. I was WAY up the last 2 days. Tried to protein it up today.

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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I think my body may be succumbing to a cold. It's been a while since I've had one. But I am SOOOO tired today. I didn't go to the gym yesterday or today, and I honestly don't know if I'm going tomorrow. But one day at a time here.

Funny thing - a Facebook friend wrote that she felt lazy because she had a cold and didn't make it to the gym, and I could totally relate. It was kind of funny because I read it on a site somewhere other than Spark. Huh.

Brad is making a salad... not much else to report. I think I'll be spending some quality time on the couch tonight. Super lazy evening and early bedtime tonight.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Hope you're feeling better today-if not,keep resting...or get outside for a slow easy walk. Sometimes the fresh air helps the body fight the cold(that's Dr.Anne's experience) .

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CAMROLA 1/18/2012 9:40PM

    Rest up & take care!

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BE-THE-CHANGE 1/18/2012 6:32PM

    Rest and fluids - tea is a great idea!

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DEERLADY45 1/18/2012 6:18PM

    Sounds like a Great Idea! Drink some HOT tea or a HOT toddy,( better) cover up and hopefully youll feel better soon! No sense in wearing your self out when your so-o tired! Enjoy your salad and toddy if ya have the ingredients Maybe your man will make ya one!! emoticon emoticon WHIskey, honey and lemon juice! emoticonBONNIE

Comment edited on: 1/18/2012 6:20:28 PM

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