CARILOUIE   83,734
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Short for three

Thursday, June 07, 2012

Today was a pretty fantastic day! The sun was out, I went to the chiropractor and got a great massage, I was at the gym working my butt off, and hubs had a day off. Don't think I had enough water, but I'll work on that tomorrow.

Not much else... I'm going to take a hot bath and go to bed.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TIGGER622 6/10/2012 2:10PM

    Mmmm sounds perfect!!! Hope you're having a great weekend!!! MUAH!

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EATNBOOGERS 6/8/2012 10:58PM

    :-)

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CFMOSS 6/8/2012 6:45AM

    Smile to you; glad you enjoyed the sun!

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PATSYB7 6/8/2012 6:40AM

    Glad you had a great day yesterday! Here's hoping today is another super one for you! Being aware of water intake is awesome! Keep going--you're on the right path! :O)

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Laundry and pie

Monday, June 04, 2012

I'm getting ready to go see my kids at school for the last time. I'm sad - I really love my kids and I'm going to miss them a lot. My friends at school? I'm going to miss them too. In the five years I've lived here, they've made me feel welcome and I've met some of my best friends through work.

But there's a sour part of me, too. A not-sad part, a part of me that's angry. Angry at the state of public education, and angry that administrators could be so heartless in the way they let me go. In fact, it's kind of soured me on looking for another teaching job. Last night I talked to my dad (he is so wise) and he suggested that I look into other educational opportunities - non-profit places like the YMCA. I LOVED this idea. I just feel really let down by public education right now. And I love my kids, but at some point I just have to do what *I* want to do. There's a lot to think about right now, and I realize that a million ideas are swirling through my head, but it helps just to get it out.

I came downstairs this morning and found a note from my hubby:

"You are so strong, Carrie. Be brave today."

Lots of deep breaths today, and lots of thinking about laundry. You see, whenever I think I'm going to cry about something, I think about folding laundry and putting it back in exactly the right place. This usually takes my mind off of the sad long enough to compose myself.

Big step today, though! Yesterday I used my tri as an excuse to eat a whoopie pie and two pieces of shoo-fly pie. And basically be lazy. This morning I *almost* ate a piece of pie ("Today's my last day with the kids, I deserve pie") but then I thought better of it, and had toast and an egg. One piece of pie for breakfast will surely send me down a slippery slope, and I don't want to go there.

Today:
- drink tons of water (my throat hurts a little today - I think I'm getting a cold)
- think of laundry OFTEN
- get some job things going
- keep a brave face
- have FUN with my kids. I don't want my last day to be a downer with them. Because I am a teacher who really wants the best for my kids. I thought about taking today as a sick day, but I just couldn't.

Off to take on today!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEPPIESUSAN 6/6/2012 10:10AM

    Thinking about laundry - great idea - I could see that working. Something about taking a dirty mess and making it neat and clean and smelling beautiful - nice comforting though. I think in a way you have an exciting opportunity in front of you - this could be your chance to try something you never thought you'd do! Best of luck.

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RUNNERRACHEL 6/4/2012 9:54PM

    Good job deciding to make today positive, for you and the kids. emoticon

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DISCOVERLLH 6/4/2012 7:51PM

    I love the honesty in your blog! I can so relate to how you feel. I know teachers who just move on from one class to the other and it doesn't really bother them. I'm someone who really MISSES the kids, too! So sorry about your job situation. I don't know where you are living, but we are having a tough time here (IL) too. I graduated with a Masters, perfect GPA, and excellent references three years ago, but can't get a job because of the state of the economy. I specialize in gifted education, which is pretty much nonexistent now since funds are being diverted to bringing the bottom levels up to pass standardized tests. Teachers who are getting gen ed jobs are losing them after only a year or two because of cuts. I, too, am trying to think of options. Hang in there! We'll get through it!
emoticon

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BE-THE-CHANGE 6/4/2012 7:48PM

    Hope today went well. You have an awesome husband and a very wise dad. There are definitely other places you can work that would appreciate your talents!

My DS and DIL are teachers. They had to move to Florida to get work when they graduated. The way things are going I am afraid they will never be able to move back here.

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BILLALEX70 6/4/2012 7:01PM

    Way to show that pie who's boss!

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TORTUETOO 6/4/2012 3:17PM

    With all that's been going on in MY life lately, I'm a little behind on the news here, but I'm so sorry to hear about your job. Your hubs is right - you ARE strong. I'm sending you lots of love from WI. Hang in there. emoticon

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TIGGER622 6/4/2012 2:38PM

    we love you girl! hope you had tons of fun with the kids today! MUAH!!!

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GONE2014 6/4/2012 2:26PM

    Hugs to you on your hard day. You will get through this and become stronger for it. Best wishes to you!!

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LARSIL 6/4/2012 1:05PM

    That was a great post -- and a brave person that posted it.

I'm coming to the end of a school year, already grieving the kids that I will never see again, and looking to end my career with this year. On to the next adventure!

I like the idea of folding laundry -- that seems a lot "neater" than trying to get the worms back into the can.

---LarSil emoticon

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COOPSM 6/4/2012 12:45PM

    Carrie---thinking of you and your laundry folding today!!! Keep that head high and be proud of your year with the kids...this id a steeping block of new and better things for you!!
Love Brads note!!!!!

Hugs girl!!!!

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NEWRUNNINGSHOES 6/4/2012 12:23PM

    I'm so sorry to hear that you lost a job your cared about so much. I have had the same job for 20 years so I can't begin to imagine the emotions you are going through, especially saying goodbye to your kiddos.

I've been reading through your recent blogs and as I was reading, I couldn't help but think there is something even more wonderful in store for you career-wise.

I wish you all the best!

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MIAMIA7 6/4/2012 8:48AM

    You ARE strong Carrie! Brad is right! But being strong doesn't mean you won't have quite a few emotions swirling around. Enjoy the last day as best as you can and use the "sour" and angry feelings to propel you in the direction you want! (Reading your profile I noticed you said if you had any job it would be a traveling food and wine critic...hmmmm). Luv ya girl! I will be thinking of you today while I ice my sprained ankle!


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CFMOSS 6/4/2012 8:21AM

    I'm thinking about you and actually saying a prayer for and over you. I understand the sour piece and I have a big concern over public education. I'm glad you have a wise dad - I have one too. They seem to help keep things in perspective and perhaps unlock our tied up in knotsness sometimes. Now....about the two pieces of shoo-fly pie. Hmmm....I'm thinking you must like shoofly pie; personally, a half a piece once a year is about what I need for a shoofly pie fix - personally I'm not hugely keen on the black bottom. Anyway, ration that pie for encouraging treats and have a beautiful day with your kids who really matter.

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MACMOM57 6/4/2012 7:56AM

    I hope you have an awesome day. So sorry to hear about you job. You will find something new and who knows it will be better then the last one. Hang tough.

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Dad knows best

Saturday, June 02, 2012

Well, I don't know that it's any easier a pill to swallow, but I do know that I got through today without crying! I even talked to hubby's parents about my job loss without breaking down, and I talked to my dad for a long time this morning with my voice quavering only once. At today's tri briefing, I ran into a friend who has kids in the district - I had her girls in music class - and I talked to her without crying. So whatever that means...

I have been complaining about this tri for a while now - I wasn't feeling it, I wasn't excited, I wished I hadn't signed up for it... and now? I am totally excited for it. I think this triathlon is like a sign. I had no idea when I signed up for it that I would need this huge distraction to keep my mind off of my furloughing. Really, this tri has been the best thing for me this weekend. I spent all afternoon at the clinic - I got in the water with my wetsuit, swam a little bit in the lake, and got to check out the transition area. I feel 100% better about tomorrow's race!

My dad was right. When I talked to him this morning, he said that this tri was a wonderful opportunity to release some of the tension I'm feeling. Sure, I'm still sad, but I'm getting over the devastation of it all. I find exercise to be very meditative. Even when I'm really pushing hard and training hard, I find it to be relaxing in a way. Today I was concentrating on my swim strokes, walking through the transition areas, and getting my stuff ready.

I can actually think about what happened without breaking down in tears. Hubs and I talked about what our next step would be - this happening was like a kick in the rear to move on with things. And both he and his mom suggested that I just take some time to relax and collect myself before I go on a full-fledged job hunt. This is a good chance for me to concentrate on my school work.

So it's time for a hot bath and a double-check of my stuff for tomorrow. I think the weather is going to be great!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOBBYD31 6/3/2012 6:12PM

    glad to hear your doing better so now how was your tri??? details, detail...... i love them i hope i can run again someday to get back to tri's

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BE-THE-CHANGE 6/3/2012 1:25PM

    Great attitude!

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RUNNERRACHEL 6/3/2012 12:32PM

    I am glad the tri is keeping you occupied and that you are able to focus on that and use that as a great stress relief. Have a great race! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TIGGER622 6/3/2012 9:19AM

    Oh HONEY! I have been slacking on my blogs!!! Boy do I hear what you're going through. As a gal who was laid off last month, I can relate, but I totally hear how hard it is considering your love for your job! All I can say is, the couple weeks after were a roller coaster. I found that it made me feel no better to relax and forget about it, there were times that I wanted to be on the internet applying applying applying and there were times I wanted to lay on the couch watching all my episodes of Ellen. I just took each day as it goes and eventually you start to feel better. You can take comfort knowing that you have ExCELLENT references from your school when the time comes, and whatever you end up teaching, you will be back with a new bunch of kids just as you would at your last school! MEGA HUGS to you honey! We are here for you, keep blogging, and I hope your tri is going well as I type this!!! I sooooo admire you... PLEASE let us know how it goes, I want DETAILS!!! My first olympic is in July, EEEEK! Love you girl and miss you bunches!!!

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JILLIANPRNCSS 6/3/2012 7:42AM

    You are strong and I have faith you will get it figured out. HUGS

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NIELSENSLADY 6/3/2012 1:52AM

    Yes! Good luck! I love that after exercise feeling!

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GOEGIRL 6/2/2012 11:40PM

    You are wise and resilient. Have a GREAT time at your TRI.

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KARIDIAN1 6/2/2012 8:59PM

    Hope all goes well with your tri. Good luck with any future job hunting.

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JAZZ20 6/2/2012 8:55PM

  Good luck on the triathlon and training, and finding a job.

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I lost my job today.

Friday, June 01, 2012

The technical word is "furloughed." It means that I am still on my school district's seniority list and they can still bring me back if for some reason they decide they can bring me back, but at this point, technicalities don't really matter. Fact of the matter is, it really sucks. At bus duty today, I saw the superintendent and the assistant superintendent come in, and my stomach just dropped. I said hello, they said hello and walked by me, like they didn't even know who I was. A few minutes later, I was called into my principal's office where they told me that I was on the list of people to be furloughed.

I love my kids. I love my job, and I love what I do. I can't imagine not doing this next year. I spent all afternoon cleaning out my room, taking down everything that I had carefully put up just for the kids. Gosh I have a lot of stuff.

I am so sad. And I still have one day of school left, on Monday. Part of me wants to take a sick day so I don't have to deal with the assembly, but the other part of me wants to go in to say goodbye to my kids. I am going to miss them so much. I have worked so hard with them this year and I hate to not see them go - they need to know that I care about them. Because I really do. I am going to miss them so much. I have so much fun with them! I am thinking about having to say goodbye to them and I'm bawling my eyes out. My little kindergarten kids! Just the other day while I was on one of my duties, I had a parent say to me "Max says that you have the most beautiful singing voice." And yesterday, I got a note from a student saying "thank you for teaching me about music. You're the best."

Two colleagues came into my room today crying about what happened. I can't even stand it. My principal told me that I gave one of the best interviews she ever attended. I guess it's a good thing that my furloughing has nothing to do with my performance, but it makes me very frustrated at how everything works.

I thought I prepared myself. I separated all my stuff at school, I started looking for new jobs, and I tried to keep a light attitude about it. But nothing prepares you for when you get the news that you don't have a job next year.

I think I'll end this blog. There's not a whole lot more to say, and I just really need to get some sleep. My head is pounding and I have been crying for about 9 hours straight.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EATNBOOGERS 6/6/2012 5:24PM

    I should have commented on this on Sunday... I read it, and I was so shocked... I kind of see you as super teacher. The cuts have been pretty awful here, too--I was just hoping they were better elsewhere. I know you'll land on your feet.... I'm sorry this happened.

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KATZABELLAMAMA 6/4/2012 11:03AM

    You will land a new job soon enough. You will do great at anything. It is too bad that you can't no longer do something you love.

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CAROLCRC 6/4/2012 8:32AM

    emoticon

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KTKATRINK 6/3/2012 7:34PM

    So sorry to hear about the furlough. That's terrible, and I know the kids will miss you.

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GIANNA345 6/2/2012 10:47PM

    I'm sorry this has happened to you. I hope the economy will start to get better soon. I hurt just thinking about what you are going through. My husband is not working at the moment either. Keep believing in yourself. Something good will happen.
Hugs!
Janet

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BILLALEX70 6/2/2012 10:13PM

    emoticon

So sorry to hear about this. Hopefully the old...one door closes... adage holds true.

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LUVS2BIKE101 6/2/2012 7:53PM

    I've been in your shoes so I know what you are going through. It's going to be a challenge for you in the search for a new job. But you've overcome challenges before and you can do it again. You are a gifted teacher and there's a class out there waiting for you. Keep your goal in front of you and do all what you can to make it happen. You new employer will see the skills and talents you possess and you will be pleased you went through this challenge.

A new day, a new job lies ahead. Go for it!
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COOPSM 6/2/2012 5:46PM

    Carrie---I am so sorry to hear this news!!! I know how much you loved what you do and who you do it for!!! I wish I had the magic words to make this all ok.......sorry girl!!!! Huge HUGS coming your way!!!!

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ISHIIGIRL 6/2/2012 5:26PM

    I am sorry you lost your job. Maybe this is God's way of saying time to be a wine and food critic! When one door closes another opens. Good Luck, you will come out on the better end!

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BERVEY 6/2/2012 4:42PM

    I am sorry for your loss, it is hard to say good bye to something and people that you love. Let your body feel what it feels and go with the emotions. Know that you are good at what you do and will find a place that is right for you! Good Luck!

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MIAMIA7 6/2/2012 12:58PM

    Oh Carrie, I am so truly sorry that this happened! These kids will miss you so much. Keep blogging and know that we are all here for you. Hugs honey.


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NINJALINDA 6/2/2012 12:35PM

    emoticon I feel so bad for you! Such a shame for you to lose a job you obviously love so much - I'd almost be relieved to lose mine! Wishing you luck in finding a new position quickly. You seem like a GREAT teacher.

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SEPPIESUSAN 6/2/2012 10:34AM

    Oh Carrie...I want to cry for you. :(

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CHEPRBYTHEDOZN 6/2/2012 10:00AM

    Oh,Carrie-I've got tears ,too while reading this. I do hope you'll find something as great as this job. Saying goodbye to the kids will be hard,but you're right,you need to do it for all your sakes'.

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CFMOSS 6/2/2012 9:51AM

    big hug.

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BSTAKINGACTION 6/2/2012 9:49AM

    Oh, sweetpea...this is so hard. I went through the same thing and I know the fear, sadness, anger and frustration of it all. Don't think too far ahead. Let the emotions come. Cry, sit with them, then say good bye to them. I found that small action steps each day made me feel more empowered. Completely redoing my resume, taking on a volunteer job, looking at job opportunities for an hour a day, taking walks, journaling about the possibilities of a new adventure; staying open to new opportunities. All of these things helped me get through. Lo and behold I ended up in a new position I never imagined being in...and I LOVE it. I've made new friends and find myself on a whole new path.

Stay cognizant of the moment at hand. Look for the peace and beauty in each one. This too will pass and you will find yourself breathing freely and happily again.

Hugs as you start this new journey.

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NIELSENSLADY 6/2/2012 2:42AM

    So sorry. emoticon

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LINDA! 6/2/2012 12:20AM

    I am so sorry! emoticon

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GIANTPANDA 6/2/2012 12:04AM

    My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. emoticon emoticon

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RUNNERRACHEL 6/1/2012 11:42PM

    I'm so sorry to hear that! You sound like a wonderful teacher that is loved and appreciated by students and staff! So sad that our cities, and states are under such bad circumstances that good teachers like you are being let go. I hope you find something you love just as much.

emoticon

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ETTEZEUS 6/1/2012 10:53PM

    I am so sorry for you Carrie!
You are so wonderful that I have no doubts you will find another teaching job and doing what you love!

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BE-THE-CHANGE 6/1/2012 10:23PM

    I am so sorry, Carrie. You are such a great teacher! Any district would be lucky to have you.

This happened to my DIL last year. She went almost all summer without having a position and then she was offered two about 10 days before school started. Not that I hope you have to wait all summer, but I do hope in the end you not only have a new position, but you have your choice.

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BOBBYD31 6/1/2012 10:19PM

    i am so sorry to hear this, i know how much you love your job and kid so that makes it especially rough. i hope you find a better job that you will feel comfortable doing. HUGS

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MAMALOVEBUG 6/1/2012 9:58PM

    I am so sorry to hear this. emoticon

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GOEGIRL 6/1/2012 9:54PM

    Dang, I'm bawling right now! I *WISH* my kids could have a teacher as fantastic as you - EVER - I can't even imagine how crushed your 'parents' will be when they hear the news. I simply have to believe that this is all going to be part of a bigger, better picture for you. Then again, you could always move in with ME! sigh I'd love that. We have very few snakes here!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((
(((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))
)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

You are amazing and don't you EVER forget it!

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FRANCESD3 6/1/2012 9:51PM

  Don't get discouraged! I know that is hard to do, but I believe that everything happens for a reason. The same thing happened to my son, who is also a teacher. It was really a shock to him as well, as he had been at his school for so long. I told him to keep his head up and start applying to other school districts. Well he did and was hired after his first interview, at a school closer to home, and for more pay and better benefits. I pray this will be the case for you as well. I , too, have seniority in my school district, but I would not be surprised at anything that transpires within the district. My prayers are for you best and highest and my God blessj you through this. We NEED good teachers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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LYNNANN43 6/1/2012 9:43PM

    My heart is in the pit of my stomach for you!
emoticon emoticon

You definitely should go in on Monday. You need the closure. You will feel terrible about not going in. Those kids mean the world to you.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/1/2012 9:44:11 PM

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MOXIE-IN-MOTION 6/1/2012 9:31PM

    I got the email notification that you posted a blog, and I sllllooooowwwwwly scrolled down to see the topic.

I am so very sorry for this. I can't even imagine. But you defintiely should go on Monday, if only to say goodbye to your children. You obviously care for them deeply (which is part of what makes you an awesome teacher), and just imagine what they would think if you didn't show up.

You've prepared for this as much as you can. Be strong on Monday for your kids, and I wish you immense luck in finding a new, better job. One where the administration will look you in the face.

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SUZZQ4LIFE 6/1/2012 9:30PM

    Oh, my heart goes out to you. I feel so sad for what happened to you. I was able to retire and it was my decision. This wasn't your decision. What a way to tell you that you're not needed next year! Life will get better and you get that resume out to all who are willing to look at it. I loved my class of 3rd graders too but it was time for me to say good-bye. Your time is not now. Go for it and put that resume out to as many as you can. Get those kids back in your life and be happy. I know it will be hard but bring your courage to the surface and go for what you want. I wish you the best and would be there by your side if I could. Be strong and fight for what you want.

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LALAFLOWERS 6/1/2012 9:24PM

    I am so very sorry to hear that. It just sucks. I hope you find something quickly!!! Hugs.

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PATTOMMC3 6/1/2012 9:23PM

    I am so very sorry.

emoticon

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No news is...

Friday, June 01, 2012

still no news. We were told that administration would be around on Wednesday and Thursday to inform teachers if they were furloughed. They didn't make it to our school yet. So I guess today's the day? I can't even stand it. I feel nauseous all day long. Just freaking let me know!

On the bright side, today is Friday. And I seriously need the weekend. I am tired, I am getting a throat tickle, and I really just need some time to be lazy. Today with the kids is going to be (hopefully) super easy. Yesterday was hard enough keeping them focused - today is going to be even more of a challenge. I bought some sidewalk chalk yesterday to take some of the kids outside and draw.

I'm meeting a friend for coffee this morning. We are both music teachers and we try to meet once a week to catch up.

Not much else... off to get ready.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEPPIESUSAN 6/1/2012 8:59PM

    emoticon

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BE-THE-CHANGE 6/1/2012 9:03AM

    Sending good thoughts your way!

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MOXIE-IN-MOTION 6/1/2012 8:51AM

    What drama! Hopefully today, no news means good news! That way, you can really relax all weekend!

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CFMOSS 6/1/2012 7:31AM

    Well....no news is no news. Here's a hug to get you through the anxiety part of not knowing and cheers that you can meet with a friend.

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PATSYB7 6/1/2012 6:43AM

    Good luck--I hope all goes well today!

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