Thursday, June 14, 2012
One of my very favorite times of the day is in the morning, when I have on my running gear and there's just enough chill in the air to throw on a cozy sweatshirt before I get out on the road. It's at this time where I feel the most reflective and most able to set goals for the day.
Earlier this week I was writing in my journal - I was feeling a little sad about my job - but not for the "losing it" reason. Instead, I felt as if I had lost a little part of my identity. I expressed this to one of my friends last week and he said "you are the same person you were yesterday." Good advice and i think of it often.
But as I wrote in my journal, I discovered that there is another part of my identity - one just as big, if not bigger, and certainly just as important. And this one, nobody can take away from me.
That's my identity as a runner. As a triathlete. As someone who works on her wellness. This immediately gave me a sense of calm. No matter how bad things get, *that* is the part of me that can't be taken away. It felt really good to know that I *hadn't* lost all my identity.
So running has really kind of saved me - if this would have happened just three or four years ago, I don't know that I would have been able to handle it half as well as I'm handling it now. I'm looking at bigger and better opportunities, and I continue to train for, and sign up for events (my next triathlon is in July!).
The whole of me is bigger than just my job... and if it took losing my job to realize that? Well, I'd call that a really good life lesson.
Now excuse me, but I'm off to run.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Woke up early for waffles and an egg.
Went for a bike ride with my bestie - trying to get her more active. Fun time on local Rails to Trails.
Stuffed my face at Friendly's - YUM. I like to think I biked enough to make a dent in this, but I think it's just wishful thinking.
Took a nap like a champ.
Did some schoolwork and watched Breaking Pointe.
Earned three points.
Thursday, June 07, 2012
Today was a pretty fantastic day! The sun was out, I went to the chiropractor and got a great massage, I was at the gym working my butt off, and hubs had a day off. Don't think I had enough water, but I'll work on that tomorrow.
Not much else... I'm going to take a hot bath and go to bed.
Monday, June 04, 2012
I'm getting ready to go see my kids at school for the last time. I'm sad - I really love my kids and I'm going to miss them a lot. My friends at school? I'm going to miss them too. In the five years I've lived here, they've made me feel welcome and I've met some of my best friends through work.
But there's a sour part of me, too. A not-sad part, a part of me that's angry. Angry at the state of public education, and angry that administrators could be so heartless in the way they let me go. In fact, it's kind of soured me on looking for another teaching job. Last night I talked to my dad (he is so wise) and he suggested that I look into other educational opportunities - non-profit places like the YMCA. I LOVED this idea. I just feel really let down by public education right now. And I love my kids, but at some point I just have to do what *I* want to do. There's a lot to think about right now, and I realize that a million ideas are swirling through my head, but it helps just to get it out.
I came downstairs this morning and found a note from my hubby:
"You are so strong, Carrie. Be brave today."
Lots of deep breaths today, and lots of thinking about laundry. You see, whenever I think I'm going to cry about something, I think about folding laundry and putting it back in exactly the right place. This usually takes my mind off of the sad long enough to compose myself.
Big step today, though! Yesterday I used my tri as an excuse to eat a whoopie pie and two pieces of shoo-fly pie. And basically be lazy. This morning I *almost* ate a piece of pie ("Today's my last day with the kids, I deserve pie") but then I thought better of it, and had toast and an egg. One piece of pie for breakfast will surely send me down a slippery slope, and I don't want to go there.
- drink tons of water (my throat hurts a little today - I think I'm getting a cold)
- think of laundry OFTEN
- get some job things going
- keep a brave face
- have FUN with my kids. I don't want my last day to be a downer with them. Because I am a teacher who really wants the best for my kids. I thought about taking today as a sick day, but I just couldn't.
Off to take on today!
Saturday, June 02, 2012
Well, I don't know that it's any easier a pill to swallow, but I do know that I got through today without crying! I even talked to hubby's parents about my job loss without breaking down, and I talked to my dad for a long time this morning with my voice quavering only once. At today's tri briefing, I ran into a friend who has kids in the district - I had her girls in music class - and I talked to her without crying. So whatever that means...
I have been complaining about this tri for a while now - I wasn't feeling it, I wasn't excited, I wished I hadn't signed up for it... and now? I am totally excited for it. I think this triathlon is like a sign. I had no idea when I signed up for it that I would need this huge distraction to keep my mind off of my furloughing. Really, this tri has been the best thing for me this weekend. I spent all afternoon at the clinic - I got in the water with my wetsuit, swam a little bit in the lake, and got to check out the transition area. I feel 100% better about tomorrow's race!
My dad was right. When I talked to him this morning, he said that this tri was a wonderful opportunity to release some of the tension I'm feeling. Sure, I'm still sad, but I'm getting over the devastation of it all. I find exercise to be very meditative. Even when I'm really pushing hard and training hard, I find it to be relaxing in a way. Today I was concentrating on my swim strokes, walking through the transition areas, and getting my stuff ready.
I can actually think about what happened without breaking down in tears. Hubs and I talked about what our next step would be - this happening was like a kick in the rear to move on with things. And both he and his mom suggested that I just take some time to relax and collect myself before I go on a full-fledged job hunt. This is a good chance for me to concentrate on my school work.
So it's time for a hot bath and a double-check of my stuff for tomorrow. I think the weather is going to be great!
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