Wednesday, June 24, 2009
My dog died on Monday night. He was really sick and my mom had to put him to sleep. I don't know the last time I cried so much, even when my human family members passed away. I guess it's because a human can let you know exactly what they are feeling, where you have to really pay attention to the dog's tail and ears and body language to know if they are in pain.
Mickey was a really lucky dog... mom and I picked him up from a farm twelve springs ago. He looked so cute. Neither of us planned to get a dog; we didn't even have a water dish or leash for him! He came home with us and quickly fit in with the family. Mickey was (is) very loved. He had his share of problems - ear infections, a torn dog ACL, glaucoma, diabetes, a lump (we never did know for sure if it was cancer or not), and total blindness. But still, Mickey wagged his tail. My mom did everything for this dog. When other people told my mom that she should just put him to sleep - it cost too much to take care of him, my mom knew that she had to take care of family. He even went to the dog optometrist for a few months to keep his glaucoma in check. He had eye drops three times a day... he did not like it at all and had to get a muzzle on.
I never scrapbooked before, but I thought I'd start tonight. I bought some supplies at AC Moore. I thought what better way to remember Mickey than to give him his own book. It is going to be really hard going to my mom's house to visit; no more Mickster running down the stairs, no more dog sitting with us out at the hot tub, no more naps together on the couch.
Mickey used to get his own hamburger at the Wendy's drive-thru and his own ice cream cone for dessert. He had his special spot on the bed, and even had a fancy food dish for when he wasn't allowed to eat from the one on the floor. He got the best Christmas presents, and he always opened them himself.
I am going to miss my dog. A lot. I could deal with it by eating a ton, but I did that on Monday night. I don't think he'd appreciate it if he knew I was coping by gaining weight. Off to start my scrapbook.. Mickey sure has a lot of pictures!
Monday, June 22, 2009
Tonight my mom had to put my dog to sleep. He didn't eat all weekend and he wasn't coming downstairs to greet her anymore. I am really sad. He was such a good friend. I know he's in a better place now.
Off to bed.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Since I haven't been able to go to the gym, I have had seemingly lots of free time. I've been reading some books about simplifying my life - they are very interesting. I LOVE getting rid of things. Things I no longer have use for and things that are just junk. Lately, though, I have been acquiring more things that I think I need for my new life. I bought an iPod for running, I bought some new workout clothes for the gym, and I have been buying clothing that actually fits. In all the hype of my new lifestyle, I tend to think I am on the brink of over-doing it. While new clothes are a necessity (not only to have something that fits, but to keep me encouraged to stick with my new lifestyle), ten new dresses are *not* a necessity. As I clean out my closet, I am reminded of how much I bought to make myself feel better for being fat. "well this fits, I guess I'll buy it." My new clothes need to have a different message - "I look really good in this dress and I worked really hard to be able to wear it." Each time I wear one of my new outfits I should be relishing in the experience that I can wear it.
I called my dad today for Father's Day. If you would have told me ten, even five years ago that I would be more like my dad than my mom, I would have laughed. When I was younger I used to get mad at him for not letting me have what I wanted all the time; my brother and I would clip coupons at the kitchen table to learn their value; he put hot sauce on eggs and it disgusted me. But today, I can't believe how much I'm like him. I am a coupon fiend on Sunday mornings, I don't buy much of anything (even clothes!) unless I have a coupon. I cut back on spending money on and charging lots of junk, and instead spend my saved cash on really nice things like vacations (China!), good wine, and soon a new computer. I LOVE hot sauce - I put Tapatio on just about anything, including eggs. It makes for one of my favorite breakfasts. I look up to my dad so much. The way he lives his life is the way I want to live mine.
Ok, enough sap. Today I bought some fresh tomatoes and made no-cook sauce for my pasta (tomatoes, garlic, olive oil, and basil - YUM) for lunch. Tonight I think it will be a large salad with some shrimp; ice cream with fruit for dessert. Tomorrow is going to be my first day back at the gym. I can't wait. I am going to take it easy - don't want my stitches to pop out!
The fiance was working today. :( He usually has off on Sundays, but he had to go in for Father's Day (he's a chef). Gave me some time to do schoolwork and reading. I even got a nap in today!
Happy Father's Day to all dads and to everyone with a dad.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
I am generally a pretty positive person, but this rain needs to go away! I think my fiance is feeling it more than I am... he's been moping around and being a little miserable. I don't know what to do to make him feel better. But he has been wonderful about helping me take care of my stitches. I have some right in the middle of my back, where there is absolutely no hope for me ever reaching them. He's been putting gauze on for me. He's so wonderful. I don't know what I'd do without him.
I saw a creepy snake in my garage yesterday. It was non-poisonous and it eats grubs and worms, but it was still creepy. It was a Northern Ringnecked Snake. It was actually kind of a beautiful snake, but it still gave me the creeps.
I am going to take today off from the gym again. Doc said I can get back into stuff tomorrow. I think tomorrow will be some easy treadmill walking, maybe an easy run depending on how I feel, and some upper body stuff. At this point, I think the medical tape hurts more than the stitches do.
Yesterday I bought a new planter for some herbs we are eventually going to get. Not being able to go to the gym has helped me get a whole lot of other stuff done. Almost all my CDs are transferred to iTunes, my spider plant is in the new pot I bought for it *months* ago, my too-big clothes are at Goodwill, and I've been able to sit down and read and do some crosswords.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE going to the gym (well, the feeling when I'm *done* at the gym, anyhow), but this time has really been good for me. I was honestly a little worried about gaining some weight back, but my fiance, always the prudent one, said "you're not going to get fat from a few days off." Puts it all in perspective... and it's true. I'm not sitting around eating giant bowls of Chinese food (mmmmm) just because I can't go to the gym. I'm still eating good food and drinking my water (although I could always improve in this area).
This morning I think we are going to buy some herbs for the new planter. Maybe get some sandals for him, some shorts for me...
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Today was a pretty busy day. I'll start from the morning.
- Woke up and threw on an outfit. I don't think I'll EVER tire of throwing something on and having it look good.
- Ate a bagel and a banana. Filled up my water bottle for the drive. LOVE my Sigg. I wish it was bigger, but then it wouldn't fit in my cup holder. I may need to get a bigger one anyway and lay it on the seat since it closes very securely.
- Drove to the mall to meet my mom for lunch and exchange a shirt (for a smaller size!!!). We went to an Italian place. It was really really delicious - I did well. Side salad (the dressing was already on it, but the salad wasn't swimming in it. Don't think it was *too* horrible) and a fritatta (sp?). I ate half the fritatta; wasn't greasy, had some veggies in it, and protein from the egg. Yum. I ate a little less than half of a piece of bread; it just wasn't that good and I didn't want to eat calories that didn't taste good. Had some mocha gelato for dessert. I am a sucker for dessert, so I made sure that I had enough room. SOOOOO good. I enjoyed every single bite.
- Exchanged shirt. Bought a new dress with a coupon. SO cute for summer, if the sun ever decides to come out.
- My mom talked about wanting to lose weight (again). It is so hard for me to talk to her about it because she is not doing it the Spark way! She wants to lose two pounds a week (by simply not eating, instead of eating less and moving more) which is a lot to lose in a week! The most frustrating thing is that when we were at lunch, I saw her keep dipping her bread into the oil at the restaurant. I was reminded from a scene described by Jim Kalas in his book Flip the Switch; he writes of a time when he went out to eat with a woman who kept eating the bread and oil and wanted to lose weight. Finally he yelled out "STOP! Do you know you just ate over 600 calories in bread and oil???" I don't know that it's my place to yell that out in a restaurant. My challenge in all this is to help my mom the best that I can without coming off as a know-it-all, especially because I *don't* know it all. I wonder if she is as motivated to change her lifestyle when I'm not around. I would imagine it's a little frustrating for her; we used to wear the same size. Now she is up a couple sizes and I am wearing a few sizes smaller. Does she talk about losing weight when I'm not around as much as she does when I *am* around?
- Went to the dermatologist and had two moles removed - one from my back and one from my leg. I can't run for a few days according to my doctor, but I may decide to take the whole two weeks off from running anyway. I really don't want my stitches to come out. My doctor is so nice - she is so easy to talk to and I feel as if I can tell her any concern.
Not today, but worth writing anyway: I think I inspired a friend - she told me she wanted to start walking and that she was a little jealous that I was losing so much weight. We walked one time last week; she was going to call me to set up another 'date' but hasn't done so since then. I almost mentioned it tonight, but I think *she* has to be the one to initiate it. She has to want to change herself.
Last night I replenished my bras. I looked at a picture taken over the weekend and realized that my bras did not fit anymore. Bought a "bralet." Was exciting for me because I've never been able to fit into a "bralet." SOOOO comfy.
I think I'll have some decaf and sit on the couch. Tonight I fixed our printer, got some classwork done, and did a schedule for school. I think I deserve some time on the couch.
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