Saturday, August 14, 2010
This blog is a little girly, so there's your warning.
Today is a really weird day. I don't feel sad, I am actually in a good mood, but I just don't feel like doing anything. I feel a little tired, I took a 2-hour nap, and then I watched a movie. I am headed back to the couch with an English muffin in a minute.
I just started the pill on Sunday. I had been on Depo-Provera (a shot) for years, but my doctor wanted me to switch. Depo-Provera has been shown to cause bone loss, and switching to the Pill will help me get some bone density back. So I don't know if this is the new medication that I'm getting used to or not... I'm guessing it could be; one of the side effects is slight nausea within the first week or two, and I am definitely feeling that... it's very slight, but it's definitely there.
Another weird thing about today is that I'm totally craving carbs. After my normal breakfast, my lunch consisted of chips and salsa, and I just had some more. I've really been upping my protein lately, and maybe I'm not getting enough carbs...?
All I know is that today is weird. This kind of laziness doesn't happen very often... I'm not concerned yet, it's only been today, after all, but I am definitely going to pay attention to my body and see if this turns into a pattern.
That's all, it's back to the couch.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
I feel much better after yesterday's little vent. I didn't spend the day on the couch, and I made it out to the gym. I did a little shopping and made some good pizza for dinner. I think letting it all out sometimes makes me feel much better.
Worked my upper body like crazy at the gym. I was going to do a little TM run, but I just wasn't feeling it. Walked an incline instead and spent some extra time strength training.
You guys are the best - I never expected so much support, and I really appreciate it all. It is very comforting.
Off to watch So You Think You Can Dance - I need some relaxing time.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
My honey has been working A LOT (80-hours-a-week-or-more a lot). I have read wonderful suggestions of what to do with my time and I have followed many of these suggestions. They have really helped me keep busy and not think about my honey being gone so much.
But today has been the first day where I've been really really sad. I wake up anywhere from 6-8am, honey doesn't wake up until 10:00 or later because he works so late. So this has been my daily schedule for over a month now:
Eat breakfast, Spark, dishes, cook, clean up
Honey wakes up, showers, gets ready for work.
I drive honey to work (it's the little bit of time we get to spend together).
Spend the afternoon doing stuff without my honey.
Pick up honey at night, go to bed soon thereafter.
It really sucks. I though that this summer was going to be wonderful because I wasn't taking any classes - we were going to spend lots of time together. But it really sucks. I am miserable, I am sad, I am actually kind of looking forward to school starting again so I have something to take my mind off this.
And the thing that sucks the most is that I can't do anything about it. I am very supportive of my honey and his job... sometimes I just want to go into the management office and scream that our relationship and home life is suffering because of his hours. But I wouldn't want him coming into my principal's office, so I sit back and wait and sigh.
I know that today I should have gone for a swim. But I just couldn't. I didn't want to leave the house and have to talk to anyone about my summer. So I stayed in and cleaned A LOT (I think it may have been enough cleaning to warrant entering it into the fitness tracker). I may go out later to get some stuff for school; I don't know that I want to sit around *all* night and mope... but it's hard. I've been trying so hard to put on a happy face and act like everything is ok, but it's getting to the point where it's not ok anymore. I just don't know what to do. I am the saddest I've been in a long time.
And lately, everything I've been doing to try to take my mind *off* being lonely has just made me think of my honey more. Go out with some friends to hear a friend play a gig - one friend just got engaged, so we talked about that all night. Sigh. Went to a wedding on Friday night - got to see the happy couple dancing together. Sigh. Meet with my trainer - she asks me when the wedding is. Sigh.
Luckily, though, I have been doing well with my nutrition. I have been staying within my goal ranges (although tonight I had two fajitas which may have put me over a little bit, but I'm not sweating it) and successfully avoiding the Depression Binge. And I've been doing pretty well with my fitness, although I'm not quite meeting the minute goals I set for myself. I'm not going to beat myself up for it, though.
Tomorrow I have a class at the gym, so I'm going a bit early to get in a workout (the class is a stretch class, so it will feel good after a hard strength training session).
I try really really hard to be positive through all this, but I just needed to vent a bit. I hate to complain to my honey, he knows how much it sucks too. It's funny - even though I really don't *know* many of my Spark friends, I feel like I can count on you all to make sure I don't eat myself into a brownie ice cream-induced coma.
And since I hate to end on a sucky note, here are some good things.
- Honey noticed my arms are getting smaller. He told me they felt really good.
- I have successfully avoided the cereal for two days.
- Wine consumption has been limited to one glass a night, and it feels good.
- The house has never been cleaner.
Off to fold some laundry and get a shopping list together... don't know that I really feel like heading out tonight, but tomorrow I just might.
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