Thursday, December 19, 2013
Do you have to go to the gym again today?
How do you answer that question? When I ask myself, I answer "Yes, I get to go to the gym again today." So, when my loved one asks me if I have to go again today, I answered the same. So, why do I feel guilty? Why do I wonder if my goals and his will ever be the same? And why do I wonder if I can make it with his resistance?
Of course I know I can. I just wanted it to be better this time.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Everything that I fail at is certainly due to my weakness. I struggle with extreme hunger and cheat too often with non nutritive fatty treats. I am weak and I admit that.
Yet when I succeed, I know that someone higher loves me enough to help me become strong enough to do well.
Today I was late for work and grabbed a quick snack for breakfast. Knowing my pre-packed lunch was nasty, I also brought an apple for a late morning snack. I ate that and felt a desire for more food. I did ok until lunch time when stress happened and the boss wanted me to do some project for him and I did it. I still made it to lunch about 10 minutes later, but that nasty crab left a bad taste in my mouth and the clementines I brought didn't hide it. So, I gave in to the chocolate sitting nearby.
So, why am I thankful? This evening I went to a pilates class after touching base with my husband and 2 youngest children. Then I stayed and interviewed my new personal trainer. I am going to do this, no matter how much I just want to go eat a big bowl of ice cream, I am going to go to bed and rest easy knowing the sugar won't keep waking me up throughout the night. And tomorrow, I am going to take something less disgusting for lunch and maybe even get an earlier start so I don't miss my warm breakfast.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
I did a bit better on my calorie intake today.
What can I do?
"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple." - Dr. Seuss
One day at a time.
Because it is best.
Take care of what you have.
"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You." - Dr. Seuss.
I took care of me. I actually seen a doctor today for my foot. He told me I must have a high pain tolerance after looking at the xray. He recommends surgery. There are other options I can try first if I want. I just don't know. But the pain never goes away anymore except when I am asleep. I have to be able to exercise to meet my weight goals.
I am the most me I can be and I like to exercise. (I also like to eat.) But I liked being thin and no one can make me thin but me. If I can't exercise, I am not really doing anything but existing and fighting the food battle.
It is all about choices. What will get me the most desired outcome?
Sunday, October 06, 2013
When things get you down. Look up. You can be what you want to be. I am on my way to what I want to be.
No exercise, it was my day off. I haven't lost weight yet, but I will.
Today I ate well and had an enjoyable Sunday in my house with the TV and my husband. I talked with him about why I put the pounds back on. He really thinks he supports my weight loss efforts. I guess I need to trust that he is supporting me and tell him when I feel like he is sabotaging my efforts. Truth is, I have sabotaged myself at times. But that is in the past. Today is a new day.
My head is up. I am not feeling down, because I know I am on the right track.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Two days ago I was listening to an audio book titled "Wishes Fulfilled." I can't say that I believed everything he said in the book, but a couple of things rang true:
When I say or think anything that begins with I Am, the remainder of the sentence should remain positive. The I part of the sentence refers to the me inside, the real me, not the outer shell that looks a lot lumpier and more wrinkly than the real me. The shell isn't all that matters, in fact it is only important because it houses the real me. When I say I am overweight, I create that idea into a reality that is hard to erase. A better way would be to say I am a thin person inside of a lumpy body and I have the power to recreate that body to look more like the real me.
The other thing is that when we believe in the power of I AM, we will not allow ANYONE's thoughtless or malicious comments to harm our belief that I am making progress. This means something to me because it was my complete disappointment when 2 people made negative comments that contributed to my regaining 40 pounds.
I am better than that and I am making changes that will no longer accept any comment as true unless the real me agrees with it. The real me is not hiding within the folds of this body anymore and will assert her desires to renewed energy and regained self confidence and self assurance.
It may take a few days to overcome my food addiction completely, but each and every night I am telling myself that I am making progress and I am good enough to say no to cookies and donuts. Still, a little piece of cake at a special occasion is only proper if done in moderation.
"Guilt fuels addiction; Love heals it." I am learning to love the me inside and nobody can take that away from me because I won't let them.
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