Sunday, October 26, 2014
On and off and on and off. That's how the past few years have been with Sparkpeople and weight loss. I can't say I am back for good, because I have said that before and it didn't always work out that way. So, I am here for now.
I have been at the weight loss thing for a few weeks now. It's took a few weeks before that to even start tracking my food. My friend had this bright idea to start a new goal each week. My first goal was to budget my money, 2nd to eat less, 3rd to exercise, 4th to be positive, 5th to revisit eating less, 6th to revisit exercising, 7th to stop procrastinating, 8th to track my food and this week, to exercise. As you can see, I had to revisit my eating and exercise goals a couple of times. They just didn't stick. I'd get about a day or two in and then stop. But so far, I have been good with tracking.
I have been on and off Sparkpeople for years. I always have success but then something causes to quit, to give up. Last time, after a very good year of losing 87 lbs, I fell into depression and just stopped caring...so I quit. Every other time I have been successful was because I spent a lot of time on SP. I read the blogs, mostly. I would read articles too, but most of my time spent on SP was reading blogs and reading how other people were successful, or they thought about quitting but something occurred that made them keep going. I loved it. It helped keep me going.
So this week, I sign on and decide I need to start reading blogs again instead of just tracking. I need to keep my motivation going. I also decided I wanted to update my sparkpage so I go to it and I see the pictures of my success last time. While the pictures of last time should give me motivation, it also discourages me because it makes me think "Yeah, I lost weight last time, but I also gained it all back....yet again." Then after making the updates, I decide to look up some successful people from last time just to see how they were doing. One of the people who was a huge motivator for me, turns out she gained all her weight back too. She had lost a lot more weight than I did and was doing so good. She was also at it for a lot longer. So to see how not only did I gain back all my weight, she did too and so many others who just disappeared and haven't updated their pages or blogs in a really long time (I assume they have also gained back the weight)...it's just so discouraging.
I was to lose weight. My reasons for wanting to lose the weight are the same as every other time I have lost weight. And every other time, I have gained the weight back. Not only me, but most others do as well. So what is going to be different this time? I am pretty sure the yo-yo weight loss is more unhealthy for my heart then just keeping a steady weight, even if it is 320 lbs.
I'm not quitting. Nor am I trying to talk myself out of being motivated to lose weight. I am going to lose weight. There is no reason for me to quit when I just started. If I don't try, I will always wonder "what if" and will regret it. I have enough regrets in life, including gaining the weight I worked so hard to lose. This is an easy regret not to have but just doing what needs to be done. But I can only speak for right now. What happens in the future will happen. But for now, I am counting my calories while being pretty relaxed about it. My goal is to just stay below 2000 calories a day. Also, I am allowed 1 cheat day were I can go above 2000 every other Friday. Also, for exercise, I just have to do 15 minutes of exercise, 3 days a week. If I want to do more, great. If I don't, I just gotta do those 15 minutes and then I can stop.
Take it one day at a time. I gotta remind myself of that. No more looking in the past, except for motivation that I can do it again. From this point forward, I will only allow myself to look at today. I will only allow myself to look in the future when setting or reviewing my short term goals. I don't need to set any long term goals because I think all of our long term goals are the same: to be healthy, to be active, to be alive.
My first short term goal is a stretch. My goal is to be under 300 lbs by Thanksgiving. I weigh in on Wednesday so it works out perfectly in that aspect. It is doable, but a stretch. I have 5 weeks to lose at least 11.6lbs. I can do it. I will do it.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Start, stop, start, stop....over and over again. It is very repetitive. Usually when I post a "Starting Over" blog, I talk about what I have achieved in the past and what lead to my failure. I am not going to do that this time because you know what, I might fail again. It's a part of life. I was watching the Winter Olympics, especially the figure skating, I realized it doesn't matter how many times you fall, it's how many times you get back up again. I give major kudos to figure skaters because when they fall, they don't just give up and stop. They get right back up and finish what they are doing. It takes a lot of courage and strength to do that. So I expect many more falls in my future. I welcome them. I just pray I have the strength and courage to get right back up...and not wait 2 years.
I keep thinking about the kind of life I want to live. There is so much I want to do, so much I want to learn how to do. I am going on a cruise for Spring break and was looking at the all the shore excursions to decide what I want to do when we go to Catalina Island and Ensenada, Mexico. Some of them include kayaking, parasailing and zip-lining. I want to do these things! But at my current weight, I can't.
But it got me thinking. If I were at healthy weight, what kind of things would I do? I am going to list what I have come up with so far:
Indoor rock climbing
Ballroom dance lessons
This is what I have come up with off the top of my head right now. Yes, some of them I could do at my current weight, but I wouldn't be comfortable doing them. So I am going to create a reward system to reward myself for meeting weight loss goals and some of those rewards will include doing some of the things I have listed above. It will be a reward simply because I will be facing my fears. And the more you face your fears, the more courageous you become and that in and of itself will be the reward.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
I am so ashamed of myself. I worked so hard to lose weight. It took me a year to lose 87 lbs and I still had over 100 to go. But then I fell into a depression and it just progressively got worse and I just stopped caring. So I proceeded to gain back the weight. I tried to get back on the wagon by joining another competition with friends, but if you don't deal with the depression, you aren't going to succeed and that is just what happened. I continued to gain the weight back. Now here I am, heavier then ever, 325.4 lbs, and having to start over.
I am afraid to go to the gym because I don't want to see anyone I know. I went for a year straight and the people know me. Not all, because I am sure others have stopped, but the personal trainers that are still there will know me. I am ashamed in myself that I allowed myself to gain this weight back and angry that I didn't seek help for the depression sooner so I wouldn't have gained so much more.
I have sought help for my depression and am feeling better than I had, not perfect though, but I think exercising and eating right will help as well. I am going to continue to see my therapist and go to my groups and just starting exercising.
I am going to start out this week easy. Track what I eat and go for a walk each evening.
Damn it, I am going to do this.
I am also have my 10 year high school reunion in October. I boasted about how much weight I lost on facebook and some of my old school friends who will be at the reunion are on my facebook. I am embarrassed that I will be going to my reunion still as big as I was when I started. Which is bigger than I was when I was in high school.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
I have gained so much weight. I just haven't been able to get back on the wagon. I weighed in this morning at 274.4 lbs. I am done. I am tired of gaining weight. I started a weight loss competition with friends and I am in the negative. I have until April 1st 2013 I get this gained weight off and get to where I want to be. I don't care if I lose the weight loss competition anymore. I just don't want to be above 230 come April 1st. So I am getting back on track today. I can do it!
Sunday, November 04, 2012
I did horrible this week. I only ate within my plan 1 day and that was last Sunday. I am determined to do better this week. Thankfully I am not the only person who did badly so I am still in second place. But I want to make up for the lack of weight loss this week.
You know, it's funny. I am not a morning person, but every morning when I wake up, I think about exercising, but of course I won't because I don't wake up in time to have time to exercise. But I also can't bring myself to exercise at night. I need to figure something out.
I have one more week of work and then I will be off for a wonderful 16 days. I cannot wait. I hate that place. And also, I have a phone interview for another job. We are still trying to schedule it and I am trying not to get my hopes up, but dang it, I want another job. I hate my job. It makes me miserable.
Oh and for that other job I applied and interviewed for, it turns out I was rejected. They decided not to hire anyone for the position afterall. So that makes me a feel a little better...though I would have loved that job.
Any way, here are the stat for week 3 of the weight loss competition:
Becky: SW: 236.6 CW: 234.2 % lost: 1.01%
Me: SW: 258.20 CW: 249.6. % lost: 3.33%
Sabrina: SW: 336.4 CW: 326. % lost: 3.09%
Shayna: SW 260.50 CW: 248 % lost: 4.80%
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