Monday, February 24, 2014
Start, stop, start, stop....over and over again. It is very repetitive. Usually when I post a "Starting Over" blog, I talk about what I have achieved in the past and what lead to my failure. I am not going to do that this time because you know what, I might fail again. It's a part of life. I was watching the Winter Olympics, especially the figure skating, I realized it doesn't matter how many times you fall, it's how many times you get back up again. I give major kudos to figure skaters because when they fall, they don't just give up and stop. They get right back up and finish what they are doing. It takes a lot of courage and strength to do that. So I expect many more falls in my future. I welcome them. I just pray I have the strength and courage to get right back up...and not wait 2 years.
I keep thinking about the kind of life I want to live. There is so much I want to do, so much I want to learn how to do. I am going on a cruise for Spring break and was looking at the all the shore excursions to decide what I want to do when we go to Catalina Island and Ensenada, Mexico. Some of them include kayaking, parasailing and zip-lining. I want to do these things! But at my current weight, I can't.
But it got me thinking. If I were at healthy weight, what kind of things would I do? I am going to list what I have come up with so far:
Indoor rock climbing
Ballroom dance lessons
This is what I have come up with off the top of my head right now. Yes, some of them I could do at my current weight, but I wouldn't be comfortable doing them. So I am going to create a reward system to reward myself for meeting weight loss goals and some of those rewards will include doing some of the things I have listed above. It will be a reward simply because I will be facing my fears. And the more you face your fears, the more courageous you become and that in and of itself will be the reward.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
I am so ashamed of myself. I worked so hard to lose weight. It took me a year to lose 87 lbs and I still had over 100 to go. But then I fell into a depression and it just progressively got worse and I just stopped caring. So I proceeded to gain back the weight. I tried to get back on the wagon by joining another competition with friends, but if you don't deal with the depression, you aren't going to succeed and that is just what happened. I continued to gain the weight back. Now here I am, heavier then ever, 325.4 lbs, and having to start over.
I am afraid to go to the gym because I don't want to see anyone I know. I went for a year straight and the people know me. Not all, because I am sure others have stopped, but the personal trainers that are still there will know me. I am ashamed in myself that I allowed myself to gain this weight back and angry that I didn't seek help for the depression sooner so I wouldn't have gained so much more.
I have sought help for my depression and am feeling better than I had, not perfect though, but I think exercising and eating right will help as well. I am going to continue to see my therapist and go to my groups and just starting exercising.
I am going to start out this week easy. Track what I eat and go for a walk each evening.
Damn it, I am going to do this.
I am also have my 10 year high school reunion in October. I boasted about how much weight I lost on facebook and some of my old school friends who will be at the reunion are on my facebook. I am embarrassed that I will be going to my reunion still as big as I was when I started. Which is bigger than I was when I was in high school.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
I have gained so much weight. I just haven't been able to get back on the wagon. I weighed in this morning at 274.4 lbs. I am done. I am tired of gaining weight. I started a weight loss competition with friends and I am in the negative. I have until April 1st 2013 I get this gained weight off and get to where I want to be. I don't care if I lose the weight loss competition anymore. I just don't want to be above 230 come April 1st. So I am getting back on track today. I can do it!
Sunday, November 04, 2012
I did horrible this week. I only ate within my plan 1 day and that was last Sunday. I am determined to do better this week. Thankfully I am not the only person who did badly so I am still in second place. But I want to make up for the lack of weight loss this week.
You know, it's funny. I am not a morning person, but every morning when I wake up, I think about exercising, but of course I won't because I don't wake up in time to have time to exercise. But I also can't bring myself to exercise at night. I need to figure something out.
I have one more week of work and then I will be off for a wonderful 16 days. I cannot wait. I hate that place. And also, I have a phone interview for another job. We are still trying to schedule it and I am trying not to get my hopes up, but dang it, I want another job. I hate my job. It makes me miserable.
Oh and for that other job I applied and interviewed for, it turns out I was rejected. They decided not to hire anyone for the position afterall. So that makes me a feel a little better...though I would have loved that job.
Any way, here are the stat for week 3 of the weight loss competition:
Becky: SW: 236.6 CW: 234.2 % lost: 1.01%
Me: SW: 258.20 CW: 249.6. % lost: 3.33%
Sabrina: SW: 336.4 CW: 326. % lost: 3.09%
Shayna: SW 260.50 CW: 248 % lost: 4.80%
Sunday, October 28, 2012
So I am down a total of 10 lbs since starting the competition with my friends. I am glad to be rid of those 10 lbs but still got another 17.6 lbs to lose to get back to where I was in July....231 lbs. I know I will make it. I just hate that I am re-losing all this weight that I never should have gained in the first place. I just want to kick myself. I gave myself 7 weeks to lose all the regained weight and to make that goal, I have to lose 3.52 lbs a week. After the water is gone, I just don't think that will be do-able. But I am certainly going to try. That would give me another 17 weeks to lose some more weight for the first time. Set a new all time low for myself. I just might be able to make it into ONEDERLAND by the end of the competition. I am trying not to get my hopes up, but the fact that it is even possible excites me. If I can make it there, even if I lose, I still win. Regardless, even if I just set a new all time low, technically I would still be winning even if I lose the competition. I would be happy ether way. But I want to win and I want to do what I have forever thought was impossible...see a 1 in front of my weight.
I went out to a bar last night for Halloween. I got talked into drinking and then we went to Norm's afterwards. I was hungry, but I only ate half of my burger and some of my fries. I am not a big fan of Norm's (I'm a Denny's girl) so I don't care much for their food, but I was glad to see that even after drinking, I was still able to stop eating when I got full so I didn't really overeat.
Here is my Halloween Costume
I still haven't excercised. I need to get on the ball though. My friend Shayna pulled in the lead this week and my friend Sabrina is right on my tail. I know the weight loss will stop very soon if I don't get on the ball. I didn't get much sleep last night so I don't know if I will up for the gym tonight but I am thinking about going tonight. We'll see .
Here are the stats for week 2:
Becky: SW: 236.6 CW: 236 % lost: 0.25%
Me: SW: 258.20 CW: 248.2 % lost: 3.87%
Sabrina: SW: 336.4 CW: 324.7 % lost: 3.48%
Shayna: SW 260.50 CW: 248 % lost: 4.80%
Get An Email Alert Each Time CCINDICANE2 Posts