Friday, November 14, 2014
So I was catching up on episodes of Mike and Molly that I had missed. I didn't come into the show until the second season and a channel was playing the shows first season from the beginning so I recorded them on DVR so I could catch up.
After the watching the show, I came to 2 conclusions:
1) While the show is funny, they need to seriously stop with the fat jokes. They get old really fast, especially if you are watching a few shows back to back. The good news is that as the seasons go on, the fat jokes are fewer and farther in between, but definitely not nonexistent.
2) I think I may need to attend an overeaters anonymous meeting. I am definitely an overeater and I have lost weight and gained it back over and over again and I think that is because there is something underneath it all that I am not dealing with that is causing me to "relapse" and gain the weight back. Something is preventing me from keeping the weight off.
I've looked online and found some meetings in my area and think I might try it. I want to be successful this time around. I am taking things much slower and not pushing myself as hard as I have in the past, hoping that will. But I know I can keep up with exercise and eating healthy for quite a while. Last time, I did it for a year straight. But to go the mile, to be successful long term, I think I might need more.
There is a meeting near my work on Tuesday that I might try to attend. I am a little nervous about going. I am not a big fan of going places on my own, so I would definitely be stepping out of my comfort zone, but I just need to keep reminding myself that this might help me succeed and it doesn't hurt to try.
Monday, November 10, 2014
Every other time I have been active on here, I have posted a weekly blog. I didn't do it this time around, maybe because I wasn't sure if I would keep it up. But so far, I have been doing pretty good. I started sometime in September but it took a while to really get with it. But I really want to get back to my weekly blogs just to have a record of what happened, how I felt , etc.
I keep thinking about the other times I have lost weight and comparing this time to those times. I have to literally tell myself not to compare because this time isn't the same as last time. I am older, I am busier, and frankly, I didn't keep it up last time so this time needs to be different.
However, in reviewing the last time I lost weight, I noticed something interesting: in 2011-2012, I lost approximately 1.5 lbs a week for a year, losing a total of 87 lbs in that year. Of course it wasn't exactly 1.5 lbs a week. Some weeks I would lose 4-5 lbs, others I would lose .8 lbs and some weeks I gained. But overall, it was 1.5 lbs a week.
Since I tatted weighing myself and trying to actively lose weight, I noticed it's about the same this time around too. Of course I would love to lose 2 lbs a week in 52 weeks because that would put my weight loss at 104 lbs as opposed to 87, but I need to remember that 87 is great too!
These past weeks I did really well. I am not pushing myself as hard as I have in the past, but still challenging myself. I will continue to do so as time progresses. But for now, my goals are to eat below 2000 calories, walk at least 3 times a week, don't buy anything unplanned, get at least 6 hours sleep at night and drink 8 cups of water a day. Sounds totally doable.
My weigh in days are Wednesdays and while I do lot expect a weight loss this week, I will post a blog with an update of my week and my weight. Also this time around, I want to include at least one thing I can do differently to make the next week more successful. And maybe even 3 positive affirmations, because let's face it, we all need to work on ourselves internally not just externally.
Monday, November 10, 2014
I've had a pretty bad past few days. Even ate over 3000 calories one day. But they were delicious calories. Lol I am not expecting a weight loss this week as that is OK. As long as I get back on track, that is all that matters.
Every other time I have tried to lose weight, weight loss was my main focus. I even set up a reward system for losing weight. It worked and I lost a good amount of weight.
This time around I have decided not to reward weight loss. Really, weight loss is its own reward. So instead, I am going to reward healthy habits and staying on track. If you look through my old blogs, I use to take pics of the calendar I used to track my goals. I am doing that again this time, but instead of setting a goal of: when I lose 10 lbs, I get "this", I am going based on the number of stars I get.
So each day, I can earn up to five stars for exercise, eating within my calorie range, getting enough sleep, etc. For every 100 stars, I get to reward myself. These are all things I can control. So why not be rewarded for it? The more I stay on track and the more stars I get, the more weight I will lose.
I still have weight loss goals as well, but I want to focus on making healthier choices.
So while I did "fell" this week (off the wagon), I did not fail. Because I am getting back up.
Sunday, October 26, 2014
On and off and on and off. That's how the past few years have been with Sparkpeople and weight loss. I can't say I am back for good, because I have said that before and it didn't always work out that way. So, I am here for now.
I have been at the weight loss thing for a few weeks now. It's took a few weeks before that to even start tracking my food. My friend had this bright idea to start a new goal each week. My first goal was to budget my money, 2nd to eat less, 3rd to exercise, 4th to be positive, 5th to revisit eating less, 6th to revisit exercising, 7th to stop procrastinating, 8th to track my food and this week, to exercise. As you can see, I had to revisit my eating and exercise goals a couple of times. They just didn't stick. I'd get about a day or two in and then stop. But so far, I have been good with tracking.
I have been on and off Sparkpeople for years. I always have success but then something causes to quit, to give up. Last time, after a very good year of losing 87 lbs, I fell into depression and just stopped caring...so I quit. Every other time I have been successful was because I spent a lot of time on SP. I read the blogs, mostly. I would read articles too, but most of my time spent on SP was reading blogs and reading how other people were successful, or they thought about quitting but something occurred that made them keep going. I loved it. It helped keep me going.
So this week, I sign on and decide I need to start reading blogs again instead of just tracking. I need to keep my motivation going. I also decided I wanted to update my sparkpage so I go to it and I see the pictures of my success last time. While the pictures of last time should give me motivation, it also discourages me because it makes me think "Yeah, I lost weight last time, but I also gained it all back....yet again." Then after making the updates, I decide to look up some successful people from last time just to see how they were doing. One of the people who was a huge motivator for me, turns out she gained all her weight back too. She had lost a lot more weight than I did and was doing so good. She was also at it for a lot longer. So to see how not only did I gain back all my weight, she did too and so many others who just disappeared and haven't updated their pages or blogs in a really long time (I assume they have also gained back the weight)...it's just so discouraging.
I was to lose weight. My reasons for wanting to lose the weight are the same as every other time I have lost weight. And every other time, I have gained the weight back. Not only me, but most others do as well. So what is going to be different this time? I am pretty sure the yo-yo weight loss is more unhealthy for my heart then just keeping a steady weight, even if it is 320 lbs.
I'm not quitting. Nor am I trying to talk myself out of being motivated to lose weight. I am going to lose weight. There is no reason for me to quit when I just started. If I don't try, I will always wonder "what if" and will regret it. I have enough regrets in life, including gaining the weight I worked so hard to lose. This is an easy regret not to have but just doing what needs to be done. But I can only speak for right now. What happens in the future will happen. But for now, I am counting my calories while being pretty relaxed about it. My goal is to just stay below 2000 calories a day. Also, I am allowed 1 cheat day were I can go above 2000 every other Friday. Also, for exercise, I just have to do 15 minutes of exercise, 3 days a week. If I want to do more, great. If I don't, I just gotta do those 15 minutes and then I can stop.
Take it one day at a time. I gotta remind myself of that. No more looking in the past, except for motivation that I can do it again. From this point forward, I will only allow myself to look at today. I will only allow myself to look in the future when setting or reviewing my short term goals. I don't need to set any long term goals because I think all of our long term goals are the same: to be healthy, to be active, to be alive.
My first short term goal is a stretch. My goal is to be under 300 lbs by Thanksgiving. I weigh in on Wednesday so it works out perfectly in that aspect. It is doable, but a stretch. I have 5 weeks to lose at least 11.6lbs. I can do it. I will do it.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Start, stop, start, stop....over and over again. It is very repetitive. Usually when I post a "Starting Over" blog, I talk about what I have achieved in the past and what lead to my failure. I am not going to do that this time because you know what, I might fail again. It's a part of life. I was watching the Winter Olympics, especially the figure skating, I realized it doesn't matter how many times you fall, it's how many times you get back up again. I give major kudos to figure skaters because when they fall, they don't just give up and stop. They get right back up and finish what they are doing. It takes a lot of courage and strength to do that. So I expect many more falls in my future. I welcome them. I just pray I have the strength and courage to get right back up...and not wait 2 years.
I keep thinking about the kind of life I want to live. There is so much I want to do, so much I want to learn how to do. I am going on a cruise for Spring break and was looking at the all the shore excursions to decide what I want to do when we go to Catalina Island and Ensenada, Mexico. Some of them include kayaking, parasailing and zip-lining. I want to do these things! But at my current weight, I can't.
But it got me thinking. If I were at healthy weight, what kind of things would I do? I am going to list what I have come up with so far:
Indoor rock climbing
Ballroom dance lessons
This is what I have come up with off the top of my head right now. Yes, some of them I could do at my current weight, but I wouldn't be comfortable doing them. So I am going to create a reward system to reward myself for meeting weight loss goals and some of those rewards will include doing some of the things I have listed above. It will be a reward simply because I will be facing my fears. And the more you face your fears, the more courageous you become and that in and of itself will be the reward.
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