Sunday, June 23, 2013
I don't have tons of willpower. I hate working out. I am lazy, and I like TV. I love good-for-me food, but an occasional gooey treat is awesome. I quit every diet, weight loss program, or "lifestyle change" I ever start.
BUT... This is not a me-bashing blog, oh no!
I've learned to accept me. I learned a while back that with my thin, straight hair, I am better off keeping it short & spiky. I learned that since I hate house cleaning, I'm best off having a cleaning lady come in every couple of weeks to kick me in the rear to keep up after myself (I need outside impetus, because I certainly don't have internal impetus for cleaning).
Most importantly, I've learned that yes, I quit diets, eating plans, exercise plans, and "lifestyle changes." But I've incorporated this into my planning:
1) Yes, I will fail.
2) While I'm being good, I'll be VERY good.
3) If I lose 30 pounds and only gain back 10, it's still a 20 pound loss.
4) I need to give myself enough time (years) to reach my goal weight.
I am losing weight now because I was recently diagnosed with arthritis in my hips. The doctor told me that losing weight would help with the pain. So here I am... again. But I'm not mad at myself. I'm learning every day, and I am still my biggest fan.
I'm finishing up my Master's degree in counseling psychology, and am taking an addiction counseling class (my last class -- woo!). I've never been a fan of the absolute abstinence stance in addiction counseling, because it can tend to make people feel like failures. So I'm adopting the "harm reduction" model for myself. I may not reach my goals any time soon, but every bit of harm I reduce in my life is a win.
Lower blood sugar numbers
Getting in ANY amount of exercise
Feeling less pain
Feeling more energy
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
So I'm working part time up at a different school helping them with some stuff. That's a whole different story, but it turns out to be a good amount of money.
I have 2 interviews tomorrow in Houston, and that's really awesome. Neither is the job I'd dearly love (counselor), but they're jobs.
I worked out today on my gazelle while watching Dr Who. I must say, this may be my new favorite anything. I can see myself waking up early enough to gazelle through an episode and then start my day. Lovely! I'm looking forward to trying my new kettlebell DVD, whenever I get around to it.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
I'm at the play therapy institute at the University of North Texas.
First of all, I am staying in the dorm. I got a mini fridge and stocked it with stuff for my breakfast, lunch and dinner. Having Taco Bell or Chik-Fil-A in the student union for lunch really doesn't appeal.
Breakfast has been a Yoplait 2x Greek yogurt, the kind with double protein in it, and a piece of fruit. Of all the Greek yogurts I've tried, I like this one best. The double protein is just a plus. A sandwich, a piece of fruit, some baby carrot dippers, and a tiny carton of goldfish to snack on throughout the afternoon is my lunch. Dinner is a cucumber and tomato salad and a tuna or salmon salad with cottage cheese on Triscuit thins. Yum. I'm not bored with it yet, which is good. I already spent money on this stuff, so I don't want to buy other stuff. Especially high-calorie convenience stuff.
Second, I walk back and forth from the union to the dorm every day. To clarify: this is my second day. But I won't even attempt to drive, because parking is such a bear. Typical college campus, that. I am counting my walk back and forth as cardio because I walk fast enough to take my breath away, it's a million degrees outside, and it's a 15 minute walk.
Third, I am staying within my calorie range. Actually a little under, but that's not really deliberate. I brought my spark bootcamp dvd with me, so I'm working out. For future reference, I've decided that I'll do the workouts from the 8th through the 28th every month, and then I'll supplement with this, that or the other. I brought my new kettle bell dvd but no kettle bell.
Fourth, I don't have a TV here. I could go downstairs to the communal area and watch that TV, but no. I mean, no. So I have done a lot of homework (grad student taking 3 classes plus the institute all day!!) and I watch Dr. Who. I read a little bit today (Patterson's Women's Murder Club). I feel so virtuous, all working out and doing homework and learning stuff and junk. I'm alone a lot, which is actually ok with me. I couldn't last forever this way, but it's ok in short bursts. I greatly miss my sister and dogs, but this is short term. I'll be home on Saturday.
Thursday, July 05, 2012
I'm in Houston for the fourth with my family. It's been a great trip. We blew up a bunch of fireworks yesterday and went to the Johnson Space Center today. It's been interesting to be around the small children (a just-turned-8 and a 12-weeks-old). I've been working a lot on a research paper, which has not been enjoyable, but I work on it sitting at the kitchen table while the others are being all artsy. Coolness.
I have not done my cardio properly lately. Today is Thursday, so let's recap, shall we?
Last Thursday (scared day) - got the infamous HR call. Could not eat. It was a "rest" day so I rested.
Last Friday (sad day) - the infamous HR meeting. Spent day crying (in Office Depot, no less!). Couldn't eat, and forgot to work out. Didn't care.
Last Saturday (mad day) - Spent day angry. Didn't eat much. Didn't care to work out. Would plant a foot in anyone who suggested otherwise. Drinks with a friend. Assume all the alcohol was burned off by the anger.
Last Sunday - went all zen. Still didn't eat or work out, and didn't care. About anything.
Monday - Did work out. Felt a little like a slug coming back from the dead.
Tuesday - Meant to work out. Really did. But it was a very busy day, getting ready for the Houston trip, followed by driving to Houston.
Wednesday - Did not work out. Knew I wasn't going to. But we played outside a lot in the 100 degree heat, so I must've burned something off, right? Har har har... burned something off...
Thursday - Did not work out. Knew I wasn't going to. But we went to NASA and walked all over the dang place.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
So I've had some bad news recently. Compared to people facing deaths of loved ones or debilitating diseases, my news was not so bad. But it broke my heart just the same. My job for next year has changed, not by my choice. While it might end up being a step up financially, it is definitely a step down in every other way possible. It broke my heart into itty bitty pieces.
On Thursday, I got the call to come to the meeting. Being a natural-born worrywart, I couldn't eat the rest of the day. I received the bad news on Friday morning, and I was so upset I didn't eat all day. Today, I had already planned to have breakfast with a cousin before going out of town, so I didn't even try to stay within calories.
On the days I didn't eat, I didn't work out. How lame is it to pause (quit) a 28-day bootcamp on day 26? Super lame.
So... I'm not being an emotional eater. If anything, my stomach is so twisted up that I can't eat. But I also have zero desire to work out or do anything else productive. Up side, I got some retail therapy today. Bought a bunch of new outfits for a couple of trips I have coming up, with no laundry time between. The pants I bought are 2 sizes down from the last pants I bought.
The hurt, anger, and tears have mostly subsided. It's still very fresh and I'm prone to having negative thoughts if I'm not diligent. My sister, a therapist at a psychiatric facility, has made me lock my negative thoughts in a lock box and give her the key. She hid it, and I'm not allowed to know where. Yes, this lock box and key are imaginary. But they've helped me remember -- I'm not supposed to be focusing on that negative thought. It's locked away.
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